I told you to go right

"Alright, troops." I began. Everypony had gathered into militaristic ranks and were stood at attention. Each had a look of determination, except two; Pinkie wasn't giving a shit, and just looking about, whilst Big Mac just idly chewed a strand of hay. Luna had opted to stand beside me as I put on my best Soldier mode. I'd even gone so far as to put a saucepan on my head. "If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must FIGHT!"
Blank stares were my reply.
"Sun Tzu said that: and I'd say he knows a little more about fighting than you do, pal, because he INVENTED IT." I glared into Fluttershy's eyes. She frowned, and huffed loudly.
"No he didn't." she groaned. "I did."
"Whatever." I muttered, before stepping back. "AN-Y-WAY! We are here to take down a god of CHAOS. We will be working as a goddamn team, and we WILL defeat him."
"Well, where are the Element necklaces?" Twilight asked. I turned and glared, saucepan handle swinging to point behind me. "We can't defeat him without th-"
"WE KILL HIM WITH FIRE." I yelled. Twilight moved her neck backwards, and began to nod with a worried expression on her face.
"...uh-huh." she muttered, before smacking my hat REALLY hard. "I'm taking charge now."
"You will no-OW." Another smack cut me off, and I immediately bowed, and buggered off to stand beside Luna. Groaning, I removed my 'helmet', and silently stood. Suddenly, there was a...rubbing sensation? I looked up, and saw that Luna was massaging my injured head with a small smile. Twilight was talking out a plan in the background, but neither of us were listening. The circular motions cut off the pain from the impacts quite fast, so it made her magic touch all the better. "Thanks, Lulu..." I sighed.
"No problem. You massage my back, I massage yours. Or, you lick my-"
"Yeah, I get it." I laughed, before a moment of silence reigned. "Did I ever tell you how strangely attractive you are?"
"Many times, usually during sex."
"Exactly, because it's true."
"...and Thunder will be the distraction." Twilight finished. "Both of them."
"What? Why me?" asked the clone. He looked quite sad, rather than angry.
"Because you're a pervert, and it'll be less confusing for the rest of us if one of you is disintegrated." Rarity cut in.

"Yep." I groaned. "Gang's back together..."

"DISCORD!" I yelled. After we'd all gone to our positions, my clone and I headed to the Throne Room of the castle, where Discord was sat atop a throne of squeaky toys. The chaos god looked around confusedly for a moment, before sighing and glaring at us.
"Aw, can't a Chaos god get ANY peace?" he groaned. "What?"
"GOTTAM." I shouted.
"POOTIS." shouted my clone.
"CHOCOLATE RAAAAAAIN." replied Discord, his voice going all opera singer-ish.
"POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS POOTIS..." yelled my clone. His face had gone blank.
"GOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAM..." I started saying loudly. This distraction had to work, otherwise Twilight using her energy to teleport to Ponyville and gather the Element necklaces was worthless. It seemed to be working: Discord had begun trying to drown out the GOTTAM and POOTIS with CHOCOLATE RAIN, but we all know you can't stop the POOTIS.
How's that distraction coming along?
GOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAM-good, actually. Where was I? Oh yeah: GOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAM-
Well, the girls are preparing to blast him with the Elements, so keep it up. Do this right, I'll reward you...you know the drill.
GOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAM-you bet I know the drill. So much GOTTAM in this place!
What's going on in the Throne room, Lulu?
CELESTIA, DISCORD HAS RETURNED. YOU'VE DONE JACK-SHIT THIS WHOLE TIME?!? GOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAM-
It's impossible for me to stop him, now. The Elements are the only thing that can stop him, and I can't wield the Elements. So, just be thankful you have the girls with you. I'm thankful you brought that Ebony Chopper and me together: he has a nice flank.
I will drown you out with GOTTAM. GOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAM-
"...GOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAMGOTTAM-" I realised my throat was beginning to ache. My clone was doing better; POOTIS'ing like a pro.
"POOTIS." he finished. Discord, meanwhile, was on verse 573 of his song. He had a suit, bad hair, and a moustache. Finally, he stopped.
"Aaah, fun's over, POOTIS this." he muttered, before snapping his fingers. Suddenly, there appeared a ~~demon in the middle of the road~~ stop sign, directly above other Thunder's head. The sign landed on him, made the sound of a bomb, before hitting the floor and melting into what looked like dihorrea.
"That looks like shit." I muttered. "I guess shit..." Suddenly, I pulled out the demon skull from my strangely deep pockets, and put it on. "...just got real." Discord had his microphone out, as you do.
"YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH-"