I told you to go right

I smirked as the train ground to a halt on the rusted rails. The whole vehicle seemed like the train from Skyfall, with loads of carriages loaded with random shit all being pulled along by a large diesel engine. The rest of the assassins seemed confused as to what the train was, but then realised we were supposed to get on it when a stallion popped his head out from inside the cabin.
"Wooooo-weeee!" he laughed in a Texan accent. "Makin' bacon!"
Well, I suppose he's the train's Engineer.
Clearing the thoughts, I lined up to get onto one of the front carriages. Unfortunately for my embarassment-free streak since I came to the clan, I lined up behind Fleur. Seemingly noticing my irritated expression, she got onto the train as slowly as possible, practically shoving her ass into my face, much to the amusement of everypony else. Of course, me being unstable, I pointed my Dhoenix right into her ass and groaned.
"Move."
"Ooohh, calm down." she giggled. "And you know I can quite easily just buck you in the face, right?"
"Yes, I'm aware. But that won't work if your legs are broken with extreme prejudice. Now move." I snarled, cocking the hammer back. Fleur glared, smirked, nodded, and then moved out of the way and onto the train. Smiling, I holstered my weapon, and moved aboard. Inside, there were no seats, instead the carriage was filled with wooden crates, with one plastic chair that had already been claimed. Besides one lightbulb, the place was dim.
I contemplated where I could stand/sit/hang/hide: there were some steel bars hanging from the roof, already the nesting place of the hooded ninja pony. There was the boxes, but those would probably fall at the slightest knock. Finally, I looked at the outside ledge, with a set of railings to hold onto the side of the train with.
"OK, I'll go there then." I muttered, leaping a small box, pushing through some ponies, and latching my hoof around the railing. Down the train, I could see more ponies that were hanging onto the side, and after the final carriage there was tunnel that stretched way off into the distance. It was clearly designed for groups of trains, about 3 or 4, so I wouldn't run the risk of being knocked off the speeding train by a wall.

So, to keep myself up to speed, I had practically missed Season 2 entirely, joined a league of assassins, and was now stood on the side of a train, carrying a Desert Phoenix and a flamethrower on my back. I had pretty much turned into the shittiest OC ever.

The tunnels rapidly opened up after about 10 hours of non-stop hanging onto the side of a train and performing drive-bys on Tunnel Bandits. I recognised everything about the place; it even had the stains from my disintegrated wing from 8 months before! Of course, those were fleeting visual images, disappearing in an instant. The rails were now going over dark chasms, held up by stone bridges and wood.
"People, we're nearly here!" I called over the excited murmurings. "Prepare to depart!"
"Nope." came a Texan accent. All of us froze, and turned to the doorway in horror. The Engineer was stood, whacking a wrench in his hooves. "Gravy."
Slide-Back swallowed hard, stepping forward to look at the stallion. "Who'd driving the BLOODY TRAIN?!" he yelled.
"That Demoman." replied the Texan quite calmly. Another voice from the cabin caught everypony's ears.

"Thanks, mate!" he yelled in a Scottish accent. "Imma take ye all t' the pain train station in train town...snrrkkk..." Then snoring happened, and we all ran around panicking and screaming. At some point, somepony decided it was time to hit me with a crowbar, and I simply passed out, clumping onto the floor.

"Thuuuuunder..."
...whu? Ah, TRIPE. I went unconcious again. Is that the voice of Faust? She's a Spy. EVERYPONY ELSE! FAUST IS A SPY!
"Are you going to wake up any time soon, Thundy? I have your hat here."
"Aaaaaaand I'm up." I sighed, opening my eyes and sitting up unenthusiastically. To my undying, still existent surprise, I was no longer in the dark caverns beneath Canterlot, instead being in a room I recognised all too well. Deep blue walls, enchantingly comfortable bed, dark sky, and adorable blue blob beside me. I was back in Luna's chambers. I 'feebly' reached out a hoof. "Luluuuu..." I said quietly. "Hug?"
The moon Princess light out a light giggle. "Oh, why not?" she asked cheerfully, wrapping both hooves around my neck as I did the same to her. "It's good to see you again, Thunder. Especially when that train ran into the rockface...wow. How are you even still alive?"
"Did anypony else die?" I asked quickly, ignoring her question because it was a rather foolish one that only Pinkie could answer. "Am I the only one left?"
"Why, no! Of course not. The other ponies you came here with are fine, they're wandering the palace and getting their breakfasts. You, on the other hoof, went unconcious, like you normally do when something happens."
"Yeah, lover's comforting words." I muttered, getting a light giggle from my marefriend. "Nice to know you believe in me."
"No, not really." she laughed. "But, now you've done that training with the weapons, you might cut down your 'Monthly Times Passing Out' by 1 quarter. And the others should be arriving in about 5 hours, so we'll all be back together!" I frowned at the memory.
"Yeah." I growled, staring ahead as though the daggers I was glaring could wall-hack. "Back together." Luna huffed loudly, and turned my head to look at her.
"Don't be pissed at them because you refused an operation to keep you flying." she said firmly, "They wanted you to have that operation-"
"Experiment." I corrected. "Experiment. Notice the difference in wording? Op-er-a-tion. Ex-per-i-ment. Both with ludicrously different meanings. You wanted me to be a subject for the latter, not a patient for the former. The experiment could have gone wrong, then where would I be? HM? I'd be the Earth-Pony version of Thunder Mustang!"
"It'd be better than destroying our relationship!" Luna shot back, tears welling in her eyes. "No matter what the FUCK you were, are, or will be, I'll love you no matter what. If you want this relationship to be over because you're too scared to enter that white room, then fine, walk away, I'm not stopping you. But you want this to keep going, you can get your wings amputated, leave them as they are, or be the experiment subject. But know that when you choose the first option, I won't be here when you and your murderer friends get back. Your choice, Thundy." She spat the last word, as though my name were rat poison, she was a rat, I was the Verminator, and...that's where this Rasta metaphor runs outta weed to smoke. I thought hard, hoof brushing my flank in the hopes of finding a weapon.
"Y'know, there's a damn reason I keep a gun on me at all times now." I growled. "It's because of decision making, so I can take the easy option. But you took that away. So I'll take the second option, and leave my FUCKED-TO-GOD WINGS IN THE GODDAMN STATE THEY'RE IN NOW!" I yelled right in Luna's face. The small tears welling up in her eyes flooded out now, and she burst into tears.
Oh shit, what have I done. I thought quickly, unable to take what I'd just done. Shitshitshitshitaaaaahhhhhshitshitshit...think...think, think, thin-gottit!
My idea revolved around putting a hoof under Luna's chin, damp from the tears. I pulled her down to look me in the eyes, then I kissed her like a ~~poor needy lusting bitch~~ gentleman. As though a child reunited with its bottle, she quietened down, forcing her tongue into my mouth, and putting her own hooves around my neck. We went on like this for a few minutes, before Luna flung herself into bed beside me, neither of us breaking contact with our lips. Finally, I figured something out. I broke contact for one moment, Luna's face gasping as though to say 'whyyyyyy...?'
"Shouldn't your sister have knocked on the door by now?" I asked, still catching my breath. "We're about to have sex, normally she knocks before that..."
"Hmmm, yeah." Luna giggled, slowly crawling on top of me. "But for now, I just wanna feel this moment..."

OH DEAR GOD THAT SONG FUCK YOU ALL ITS IN MY HEAD NOW SHITSHITSHIT.