The next morning, I awoke to knocking on the door, with two things on top and under me. One was barely there, being Nightmare in her smoke form, lightly snoring as her legs hung limp over my sides. Underneath was fluffy old Lulu, bearing the most adorable expression in the world as her leg twitched on occasion, rubbing my chest. I began to roll over to answer the door. I simply passed through Nightmare, who remained floating in the air for a few moments before drifting down and sleeping on Luna instead.
"D'aww, lesbianism." I chuckled. As I trotted past the mirror, I ensured I was at least presentable, which I was because my hair had a contract with VO5 Extreme Styling Gel©, before swinging the door open. To my surprise, stood on the other side was Twilight, Inferno, and Ebony, each looking as though they'd gotten ready hours ago. "Morning?"
"Aye." Ebony nodded. "Heard three voices coming from here last night, two female, one yours."
"How'd you hear that?" I defensively replied. "The room was soundproofed before the three of us began!" I quickly realised my mistake, and winced slightly under three 'alright who was the third?' gazes. "Yes, guys? Can I help you?"
"Who was she?" Inferno groaned.
"Nightmare Moon." I sighed. Three ponies immediately braced up to listen. "She's been living in my head for the whole time, and chose to stay silent. So, when she and Luna made up, they practically dominated my ass last night."
"Well, get rid of her." Twilight said firmly.
"Aww, mum..." I whined. "But she has such a nice ass..."
"She'll turn evil. She'll turn Luna evil. She can't turn you evil, you're already evil." Ebony added.
"That's a compliment?" I asked.
"Yep, you're welcome. But anyway, seriously, what happens when she takes over your body? Like, at the wedding?"
"Hopefully I get übercharged to shit. Anyway, what the hell time is it?" I grunted. Twilight pulled out a stopwatch, studied it, and put it away.
"4 O' clock." she replied, barely even changing her facial expression. "Why? Sorry if we woke the sleeping madpony."

"Nah, it's alright. It's like normal time for me, ever since Luna came into my life." I chuckled. "See you guys at breakfast." Before any more ~~actually quite intelligent~~ stupid and moronic observations could be made or questions asked, I slammed the door in their faces.

"...and that, my friends, is why they call me 'Hammer and Chisel'." Mountain Hide finished, proudly puffing his chest out over the breakfast table. There was a good few hundred assassins around the breakfast diner where Blueblood was sent on the mission of which he never returned, which was bloody amazing that the place fit them all, and this stallion just put a few ponies off their meals by explaining how nopony ever finds the corpses. Everypony was silent, and looking at him like he's crazy.
"You're a psycho." Solar broke the silence. I stood up and pointed at him agressively.
"Don't call him crazy, you've been around me for bloody years!" I yelled, raising a laugh from the ponies gathered. "And in case you didn't know, that Changeling in the Med-Bay wasn't killed by a knife, I killed him with his jaw-bone! Get your facts right."
"Right, right, sorry, just please don't rape my corpse."
"No promises."
"Not to say that I won't, sugar!" Fleur giggled, batting her eyelashes at the unicorn, who now looked interested. Before anything else could happen, a fork flew through the air, in front of my face, and slammed right into Fleur's mane which pinned her to the table. Everypony gasped, and looked to where it cane from. Applejack's eye was twitching in rage, as Princess Celestia facehoofed to add to her tired look.
"Y'all keep away from mah feller, ya dumb tart." She snarled. Everypony immediately went black guy, put hooves in front of mouths, and went 'OOOOHHHHHH!'.
"DAYUM, SISTER!" I laughed loudly. "PUT SOME COLD WATER ON THAT BURN!"
"That a challenge, you mentally challenged yokel?" Fleur shot back, pulling her mane from the fork. 'OOOHHHHHHHHHOHOHOHHHHH!'
"CALL THE FIRE ENGINES!" Celestia cut in, practically dying of laughter in her chair.
"Y'all damn well bet it was, Missy." Applejack growled, standing up from the table and glaring down at Fleur. Fleur did the same, except she was a head taller. Still stoic, AJ faced down Fleur, a look of sheer determination in-
CRAK.
In the blink of an eye, Applejack nutted the white earth mare, who yelped and leapt back.
CRAK. CRAK. CRAK.
Three more times, Applejack slammed her head into Fleur's, stunning the mare that was already staggering with a dazed expression on her face.
"DAAAAAAYUM!" yelled me and my 5 human friends, all throwing out heads back with a typical black guy expression of amazement. Fleur moaned quietly, and fell over onto the breakfast diner floor. Applejack bowed amongst applause and cheering, then sat back down as we all returned to our meals.
"Fucking hell, AJ." I chuckled, reaching out a hoof to bump. "Bit overreactive, much?"
"Mmm...nah." she replied calmly, putting another waffle into her mouth.
"Applejack, that was totally unnecessary." Rarity said sternly, "But brilliant, so that's good."
"Aye." I nodded. "Why don't you ask Spitfire for a job?" Rainbow's ears pricked up.
"Spitfire?" she quickly asked, looking around. "She's really here?" I nodded, and gestured to a table over the room.
"Yeah, she's just over there...?" I said slowly, looking concerned at her increasingly fangirl-ish grin. "You'll definitely be meeting her at the wedding, so there's no real rush." I leaned over to Twilight as Rainbow sat down beside Sky Wheel again. "Is there any rush?"

Twilight just shrugged.

"YOU!" Blueblood screeched, practically charging down the hall and grabbing all attention in the vicinity. He was followed by two angry looking guards, who were most likely angry because he was angry. I'd seen the two before: Lock Jaw and Bow String. I'd bought those two beers, because I had the money for it on one night, so I couldn't see where this was going. The Prince dived at me in apparent anger. I stepped calmly to the side, watching the unicorn practically embed himself into the carpet. I dusted myself off, before helping him to his hooves like the gentleman I am.
"You alright?" I asked, dusting his tie off. He pushed my hooves off, quite violently, and ordered the two guards to stand ready 'in case I try anything'. "Christ, just being helpful." I muttered.
"Silence!" he yelled. The whole corridor had gone silent, with practically everypony in the hall coming over to see what the fuckshart wanted. "You brute! You lying, self centred, over-pompous brute!" Blueblood was up in my face, and to be honest he didn't look threatening.
"Aye, that's me." I replied, dusting my hoof on my fur. "What's up?" To my surprise, he signed his death warrant by apunch to the face. My neck clicked loudly.
"Don't pretend you don't know what this is about, you foal!" he screeched. "You're taking credit for MY invention of guns!" In reply, I pulled out my Dhoenix, cocked it, and caught the round. Next, I pointed to the magazine-release catch.
"What's this?" I growled. He blushed.
"That serves no purpose!" he yelled back, trying to get the crowds on his side.
"Really?" I asked rhetorically. "So, when you're done with the ammunition, you throw the ENTIRE weapon away, and get a new one? I-Is that how they work, then? How you designed them?"
"No, you foal, that's not how they work. For someone trying to take credit, you should learn how the thing you're plagiarising WORKS!" he laughed. Nopony else laughed.
"So, you think I don't know how my own weapon works, do you?" I snarled, "Can you name all the parts of the M-98 Defoliant Projector in a 10 seconds?"
"W-Well, n-no..." he stuttered.
"Gas tube, fuel supply, gas flame connected to a smaller supply of fuel in order to ignite the primary fuel supply into defoliant, armoured piping, heat proof grip, anti-melt steel, and of course the terrifying dragon face, beat that, bitch." I said smugly and quickly, getting a cheer.
"Y-Yes, you think you're all that?" he whimpered, straightening up. "Name the parts of the royal heirachy!"
And so I did. I needed to know them, to know if there'd be a large chain reaction upon the death of the defence minister, for example. By the name of each Royal I mentioned, Blueblood looked even more enraged. "...Princess, High-Queen/King, Faus-"
"I'VE HAD IT!" Blueblood finally snapped, smacking me in the face again whilst clearly using a Hoof Jumper, with minus 100% damage. It didn't hurt, so I didn't react. "GUARDS! ARREST THIS HOOLIGAN!" The two guards behind him rolled their eyes, and trotted towards me.
"Hey, Thunder." Bow String said casually, offering a hoof to bump, alongside Lock Jaw. I returned the hoof bumps.
"Sup, lads." I replied, nodding as the two guards left. Blueblood started screaming some shit about...I dunno, court martialling, execution and imprisonment, a complete removal of their family history, that sort of shit. But since he's technically a Duke, not a Prince, according to Celestia, he couldn't do shit like that. At most, he could issue a 'Royal Arrest', which, to be honest, is just Citizen's Arrest, but for an extra 5 minutes. Oohh, what a privilege.
Anyway, the bastard stormed off, barging through the crowds, leaving me, the rest of the assassins on their way to duties of Changeling Hunting, and my friends, along with the girls.
"Well, that was an interesting plagiarism court case." Spitfire noted. We all murmured in agreement. "Well, off to work, guys. A-Team, get to the rooftops for your briefing, the rest of you...fuck off..." A-Team was me, Rock Roller, Swift Scope, Six Shot, Bush Whacker, and Rooftop. Remember the ninja-pony? That guy, he's Rooftop. He hasn't given his second name, so it mustn't have been important. Our job involved camping on rooftops, and keeping an eye on things. Our gadgets were limited; we were each given pocket watches that allowed for invisibility as long as we were crouched, concealed radios, and sunglasses that could pick up on a few signals a Changeling was somewhere, but otherwise that was it.
"Let's go, mates." Bush said in his Austallion accent, with that and his deep red fur, orange pilot shades, and brown mane causing Swift and Six to moan quietly because he was just that awesome.
"Da." Rock added in his Tigerian accent, following Bush down the corridor with his bulk filling most space.
"Hmmph." Iron sighed, followed by Swift and Six. Iron was pretty miserable and a lone wolf, which kind of reminded me ot Knuckles from Sonic X*. That left me and Rooftop. We looked at each other, blinking.
"Wanna race to the top?" he asked quickly.
"Aye." I replied, both of us taking off at high velocity.

Author's Note

*God, that show is fucking awesome. Best character is Eggman, he turns into Vagineer when he laughs.