I told you to go right

Knck-Knck-Knck.
I slowly opened my eyes, groaning, and rubbing my forehead. My mane was in place, I was tired as shit, and kind of losing my sanity again, thus my first instinct being to grab my rifle. I ignored the instinct, shook the Lulu and Moony from either side of me, and went to the door.
"Princess? I'm here to deliver your mail, and I must say that most of it's just from creepy guys who want your flanks." Slowly, I cracked the door open. Stood on the other side was Colgate, to my surprise, looking over a pile of letters with reading glasses, and wearing a satchel with mail-mare hat. Her eyes flicked up, and the surprise went over her face as the glasses went off. "THUNDER?!" she gasped, immediately grabbing me into some crushing hug. "Everypony in Ponyville's worried sick about you!"
"Aye." I replied unenthusiastically. "Good to know."
"Well, anyway," she continued, pushing the letters past me and onto a desk by the door. "How's life?"
"Good enough." I muttered, yawning so she might get the picture.
"Oh, you tired?" she asked, bouncing up and down whilst grinning. "I'm not, and I won't be for hours! Chugged 15 coffees, and one of Pinkie's new 'Stay awake Cupcakes'! I'm super high right now!" I groaned loudly, before looking at a clock on the wall. 3:53. Not late, for me. But after sex, it was kind of tiring. "Since your marefriend's asleep, and this is my last stop, you wanna go get coffee or something? It'd be nice to catch up, y'know, after you stormed off into the night and rain."
"Uh, I dunno." I replied, looking at Luna. Curled up next to Nightmare, they looked adorable. And, for this time, like they wouldn't be waking up for a while. "Alright, I guess. Lemme go grab my shit, and we'll be off."
"OK!" Colgate grinned. I went off back into the room, grabbed my jacket and boots, then my hat, finally tucking Flip into my holster sewn into the jacket. That done, I felt more alert as we headed out of the castle. Very few guards, besides the odd security officer, were around, with even less ponies about.
"So," Colgate began, as we exited onto the streets, "What did you do after leaving? Did you come straight up here?"
"Nah." I replied. "Hopped on a train to anywhere, and the other guy in the carriage had a damn good story to tell. We got talking, he said he'd take me and a friend to his place of work to see if I could get a job there. I got the work, and I'm up here in Canterlot on a job."
"Well that's alright, I guess." she smiled as we entered a nearby coffee shop. I forget the name of it, there's just so damn many. We took a seat under one of the only working lights in the store, and some dodgy waitress came over. She looked like a hooker.
"Morning, you two." she purred, batting her eyelashes. I facehoofed. "Sleep well?"
"Well, I didn't sleep." Colgate replied. "I don't think Thunder got much either."
"Oh, so you two are a coupl-"
"NO." we both replied simultaneously. Colgate was flushing red, making her face look adorable.
"Alright, calm down." replied the waitress. "I'll take your orders now."
"Strongest thing you have. I'm tired as hell." I muttered.
"And for your marefriend?"
"I'm not his marefriend." Colgate groaned. "Just a coffee. Any kind, I've gotten used to them all." The waitress narrowed her heavily made-up eyes at Colgate, before smiling at me.
"Of course, handso-"
"I'm already dating Princess Luna." I cut her off sharply. The white unicorn reeled back, before walking off in a state of shock. I felt Colgate tapping my hoof.
"Nice job there, Big-Shot." she giggled. "Anyway, what were we discussing?"
"My job...?" I replied.
"Oh yeah! So I got this job when there was some inquest into the size of hammer I used to break the teeth for bone meal, so I said 'buck it', and found another job. Canterlot mail mare was the one I landed, and I'm satisfied. You?"
"I've told you the story, but not my job." I chuckled. "I'd better not do that. I know at least one pony who'd have me killed for speaking about it."
"Well, sounds dangerous." Colgate looked slightly stressed all of a sudden. I tilted my head, and narrowed my eyes.
"Something wrong?" I asked, tapping her. She shook her head quickly.
"No, no, nothing. Just...nothing."
"It's something, and it's easy to tell. Back where I'm from, I could easily tell a liar, probably because I was so good at it. Now what's wrong?" Colgate sighed, and hung her head.
"Well, I...kinda...sorta...have a very tiny crush on you." she squeaked, before closing her eyes as though I'd hit her. If I wasn't sane, I would have, unfortunately for the toothpaste coloured mare. But since I still had some sanity, I tapped her hoof again.
"It's fine, why did you think I'd be concerned? You like my ass, I take it as a compliment. To be honest, I like your ass, and I bet you're going to slap me now, but Luna will do worse. So I'm fine with it, Colgate." She looked up, smiling slightly. Then, she started looking inquisitive.
"Do you really like my bum?" she asked, giggling and putting on a sultry look. I rolled my eyes.
"Damn, wish I never said that. Yes, I love it, it's perfectly shaped and a great size. And no, I won't be single any time soon, so you keep those puppies nice for when Luna kicks my ass onto the street."