I told you to go right

My vision blurred back into focus. Once again, I was in Luna's bedchambers, but this time lying on the floor. I groaned, and rubbed a hoof to my aching forehead as I sat up.
"Ugh, the hell...?" I grumbled, before looking around. It was quiet, the only sound being Luna humming gently to herself whilst she brushed her mane with a MaGiCaL HaIrBrUsH! (See, it's more dramatic than an Argos Hairbrush.) She looked so stressed, I'm amazed she hadn't gone to sleep or something. She noticed I had sat up, and smiled over to me in the mirror.
"Morning." she said softly, putting the brush down and trotting over to me, before lying down beside me on the floor. Gently, she leaned in for a nuzzle, which I returned. "Battle's over. How's the head?" I blinked.
"...head?" I asked, genuinely confused. Luna stopped nuzzling and looked at me in a way that was bordering both adorable and concerned.
"Your head?" she repeated. "You know, when the Changeling fired at Doktor, and you jumped in the way?"
"Bollocks, don't remember that. All I know now is that I need ~~10cc of Ketamine and a Columbo marathon~~ a coffee. Did they even get their wedding in the end?"
"No, that's next week." Luna replied, helping me to my hooves. "But I'm pretty sure you'll be well loved in the meantime; Everypony in Canterlot, and maybe even more, knows what you did to save Dok's life. You're apparently getting some form of honouring for 'a selfless deed, indeed' by Shining Armor after the wedding and his honeymoon."
"Hmm." I nodded, dusting myself off and trotting over to the cupboard to get my clothes. Once my jacket, holster, boots and hat were on me, I opened the door. I let Luna go first, then I followed.
"You should go get some breakfast, and we can discuss this further when I arrive." Luna said, walking down the other direction of the corridor. "I'll be there later, I have paperwork to deal with."
"Have fun!" I called, before facing ahead and marching down towards breakfast.

"Morning, chaps." I said as I sat down at the table with the girls and the lads.
"Well, if it isn't Mr Hero-Bigshot." Twilight giggled along with the girls. "How's the he-"
"Don't remember, don't care, took enough painkillers already." I replied sharply. "And anyway, apparently I'm getting an award for it?"
"They said that to everypony here," Rainbow replied, sipping her coffee, "Anypony who helped the Elements of Harmony, or helped defend Canterlot, is receiving one. But I think you're getting a few rewards, since you fill both those categories."
"Sweet." I grinned behind a slice of toast.
"Oh, Thunder?" Inferno piped up. "Your brother said he'll be out of town for the next few days, because he's forgotten something in Manehattan. Plus, Doktor Schadenfreude said he's sending you a gift of thanks, once he's got the gift wrap for it."
"Where've I heard THAT before?" I chuckled, rolling my eyes. "Alright then, so we won, Twilight's brother and Princess Cadence are getting married without an explosion of green and acidic substances, and I think I'm getting a share of 1 Billion Bits."
"Darkling, you're aware that almost 75% of your clan is dead? Nopony from your team, thankfully, but it's a dreadful thing for 300 out of 400 of your people have been killed." I blinked.
"...what?" I whispered.
"...I-I'm sorry Thunder." Twilight sighed, putting a hoof on my shoulder. I chuckled.
"At least now I'll get 1 million Bits, rather than 250,000 that would have been shared out between 400 trained killers. In fact, now that 300 have died, that's only 99 or so ponies that'll try to stab me in the back so they can steal gold fillings from my teeth, my boots, my money, and, most importantly, my hat. Effectively, a slaughter of this scale is...good." Everypony looked shocked, before realising that's good logic and nodding.
"Anyway, what day is the new wedding rescheduled to?" Sky asked.
"I think...Friday next week." Twilight replied.
"Ahh, crap, that gives my brother an excuse to play Rebecca Black over his van speakers..."

I headed into the labs to uproarious applause. Scientists all around stopped cleaning up their desks, and began stomping their hooves on the floor in approval. Seriously, I saved one guy. Not that big of a deal. The only reason they were doing it was probably because 'ohh, humans aren't heartless after all, they do care for each other, yaddayaddayadda'. So, putting on a forced smile, I proceeded through the labs to Doktor's office. As usual, the door had blood stains on it, spattered from the inside, and a crack that split his name in half. I knocked.
"Come in!" the Medic called loudly, to which I obliged. Inside, I was greeted with the image of the usual office clutter, with added limbs and guns, but he wasn't performing surgery. Instead, he was digging through a back room, throwing recognisable TF2 items out of the door and piling them up outside the open room. I could see he looked pretty stressed, with dark patches under his blue eyes that stood out from his fur, and his black mane was dishevelled.
"Dok?" I asked, causing him to jump slightly and exit the room with a smirk.
"Ach! Thunder!" he beamed. "Just the stallion I wanted to see! Come, walk with me, talk with me." He placed a hoof over my shoulder, and gestured to a doorway that was behind the excessively large pile of items, where quite a few expensive items were lying quite lazily. This door was one I had not spotted on my previous visits; behind it, it was quite clear that something was there. Something important. He calmly yanked the door, dislodging the Hard Counter that acted as a small lock, and the room inside was in total darkness.
But, once flicked on the light, I could see that this was no broom cupboard. Inside was a vast warehouse, spanning until I almost couldn't see the end. However, the shelves were lined with boxes. Mann Co. Crates. I was amazed that Medic brought this much with him. "Boxes...?" I asked.
"YES! BOXES!" Medic replied loudly. "I've been hoarding those boxes that dropped in that infernal forest for almost 500 years now, and by god, I've found keys! And who better to help me open them than meine freunde and savior, Thunder Mustang?"
I raised a free hoof to make a point. "Well, the other guys could hel-" He quickly put a hoof over my mouth and turned back to close the door. Once it was closed, he removed the hoof and continued.
"Ah, but that would mean having to share the items between SEVEN! Sharing between TWO is easier, since I don't think that 6348 is divisible by seven. Well, hold on...no, it isn't. You'd really think Mann Co. would stop dropping these infernal boxes into inter-dimensional portals, ja?"
"Wait, you have 6438 boxes?!" I exclaimed sharply. "How long would it take to open them all?!"
"Mmmmm...6 Months non-stop working with one stallion who's never opened one of these. With two stallions who've opened countless? A few weeks on and off. Nicht güt, but güt." I smirked as he flicked out a key from an unseen place. "I've been digging around replication spells, and since all Mann Co. keys fit the same lock, and the crates have the same lock, a simple mass-production enchantment on a device I've constructed should easily make the 5000 keys needed to open these. Consider this...a pet project, ja? A small side task to be kept quiet between two human men who like hats, guns, and expensive things!"
"Well," I laughed, grabbing one key. "Which number shall we start with?"
"Ein?" he asked, pointing to 'one'. I nodded, and thus began the most interesting 5 hours of my life.