Friendship+Magic=Total Crap

"So how do these things usually go anyway?" I asked, looking around at the large, impatient crowd.

My companion wasn't paying any attention however, since she was captivated by a certain stallion that had made his way into the crowd. "Hey I'm over here you crazy mare!" I yelled, nudging Fleetfoot with a hoof. "What the hells wrong with you?"

"W-what?" She replied, turning back to me with a small trail of drool winding down her chin.

"Ew! Dude what the buck were you staring at!?" I exclaimed, taking a few steps back from the horrible sight. "Oh man how am I going to sleep at night!?"

Without uttering a word, she pointed a hoof at the large red stallion sitting in the crowd, literally surrounded by other hypnotized mares. "H-HIM!" she moaned, wiping a the drool off of her chin with a shaky hoof. "SO HOT!"

"Fine go over there and bug him.  I'll just stay here and wait for the damn party to start." I muttered, trying to get the horrible image out of my mind.

With a small nod, she floated over to the stallion and took her place with the rest of the herd. We WERE waiting for the bakery to let the ponies in, but it seemed as though the preparations were taking a little longer than usual.

"Where in Celestia's name is the new guy?" A random pony from the crowd muttered, getting several impatient whispers of agreement from the other ponies in the crowd. "Pinkie isn't gonna be to happy when she finds out that the new guy is late" another pony added. "Do y'all remember what happened to the last pony that decided to show up late?" whispers of horror and fear spread through the crowd.

'W-what happened?" I asked, hoping someone in the crowd would answer. Luckily an aquamarine mare inched closer to me and whispered the answer into my ear. "Well, when Pinkie found out that the last pony was trying to avoid the party, she tied him up dragged him over here!" Another mare, with a dark blue and pink mane, decided to follow her lead and whispered into my other ear. "When he finally came out of SugarCube Corner, he was covered in chocolate and whipped cream! It took a whole week to scrub the chocolate out of his fur!"

"What do I do if I'm the new pony in town?" I whispered, looking back and forth between the two mares. This got a gasp from both mares, who gave each other a quick look of fear. "HEY EVERYPONY THE NEW GUY IS RIGHT HERE!" They screamed in unison.

With that bit of information out, the crowd parted and I was left alone and out in the open. "Celestia save him!" "Ugh. I can only imagine what Pinkie will do to him!" "Let's just hope that he likes pie." These were a few of the whispers shared amongst the fearful crowd, as they waited for the pink one to claim her prize.

"So no ones going to help me out!? Y'all can go fuc-"

While I sat and scolded the crowd for its cowardice, I never noticed Pinkie Pie slinking her way through the mortified ponies like a shark, circling its dying prey. Just as I finished my soliloquy on where they could shove their heads, Pinkie pounced.

"ARGH!" She shrieked, flying through the air like a miniature missile.

"Oh no-

BAM!

"I FINALLY FOUND YOU MISTER GREEN EYES!" She screamed, with her face mashed against mine. "WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUUUUUUUN!"

Just as my hopes faded, an angelic voice called! "Pinkie Pie get off of him RIGHT NOW!" Oh thank goodness! My hero! With Pinkie hesitantly dragging herself off of my paralyzed body, a purple mare pushed her way through the crowd.

"I am so sorry about Pinkie!" she apologized, as she helped me up off ground. "She just loves meeting new ponies and she hates it when ponies avoid her parties." As she helped me dust myself off, she was glaring daggers at the party pony. "She just can't control herself."

"It's alright. I have a sister just like her." I replied, looking back at the, now deflated, pink pony. "Whats wrong Pinkie?"

"Do you still want to have a super duper awesome "Welcome to Ponyville" party?" She whimpered, giving me the biggest set of puppy eyes I had ever seen.

"Do you have cinnamon rolls?" I asked, giving the sad mare a small smile.

"Y-yeah."

"Okay I'll stay."

Poof!In a visible display of excitement, Pinkie had literally inflated back into the happy go lucky pony that she was."YAY!" she squealed, hopping in the air  "PARTY IS BACK ON EVERYPONY!"

Cheers of excitement and relief overtook the crowd, as they followed the pink pony inside the bakery. A weird sight really. There was no way so many ponies could fit into that one building.

"Do you wanna go inside? You still have to introduce yourself to everypony." Fleetfoot said, punching the back of my, already bruised, head. "You know you could've told me you were the new guy. I would have saved you all the trouble!"

"All right I'm sorry!" I groaned rubbing the back of my head. "Just stop with the physical abuse already!"

Leading the way, Fleetfoot took my hoof and dragged me inside the bakery filled with ponies. Not really a bad looking party, but I expected a more human like party, with the booze and the dancing. Instead there was a cheesy brand of pop music filling up the bakery, with a small square reserved as a dance floor.

"Fleetfoot look!" I cried, pulling Fleetfoot back with the hoof she attempted to drag me inside with. "Cinnamon rolls! Cinnamon rolls everywhere!"

"Too late for that chump! You still have to introduce yourself."Fleetfoot replied, painfully grabbing my ear and tugging me to towards a small stage, where Pinkie and my purple savior waited eagerly.

Pushing me up on stage, I realized that all eyes were on me. Staring at me and scrutinizing every move I made. Oh god. Stage fright. I thought as my legs began to shake.

The purple unicorn cleared her throat, and with a flash from her small horn, pulled out a small microphone to speak with. "I'm glad everypony could make to welcome another pony to Ponyville! lets give the new pony a big round of applause!" She said, before turning floating the microphone in my direction.

With a shaky hoof, I took the microphone and looked back at the crowd. 'H-Hi everypony." I said, with a nervous chuckle. "S-so how are these days?" I asked awkwardly, earning a face hoof from FleetFoot.

"Just tell us your name already you nerd!" She called, before ducking behind the back of the crowd with a goofy smile on her face.

"M-my name is Gree-"

"GREENLIGHT!" a familiar voice cried, "I've been looking for you everywhere!"

"Oh god please no more pai-"

PLOP!

"Oh Greenlight I've been looking for you everywhere." Fluttershy whispered, rubbing her face against my neck. "You know you shouldn't wander off like that! What would I do if you got hurt?"

"Darling is this the special somepony you were speaking so highly of?" A high class voice asked, approaching the small scene Fluttershy had created. "I must admit darling, you have yourself quite the stallion."

"All right everypony shows over! Get back to the party!" Another mare exclaimed, dispersing the audience that was forming around the small stage. "Fluttershy is this the guy!? I thought you said he was the best!"

"Oh he is Rainbow Dash!" Fluttershy squeaked, still sitting on top of my sore body. "Hes the best coltfriend a mare could hope for!"

"Whatever. He looks like another chump to me." A rainbow made pegasus huffed, hovering over her yellow friend.

"Could you please get off of him?" Fleetfoot interjected, as she glided on stage. "I don't think he an take anymore punishment after his run in with Pinkie Pie."

After a small struggle with the clingy mare, Fleetfoot managed to drag the Fluttershy off of my chest. "You alright champ?"

"NO! My ribs!" Overall it was a good start to a good day.

_________________________________________________________________

After few minutes spent dragging me to a small table, the other mares finally pulled up chairs and gathered around the table, with looks of curiosity burning in their eyes. Well all of them except Fluttershy. She still had her hooves draped around my neck, refusing to let go of her precious "Coltfriend."

"It seems you've already met Fluttershy." The white mare said, with a small smile. "I'm Rarity, Ponyvilles number one dressmaker."

"Has Fluttershy always been like this with other stallions?" I asked, looking at the others for answer.

The rainbow maned pegasus gave me a sympathetic nod. "For as long as I can remember. You should have seen her in flight school. She nearly got expelled for stalking a coach!"

The yellow pegasus was oblivious to the comments though, as she nuzzled my neck with glee. "I;m never ever going to lose you again!" She squeed, earning a round of face hooves from the table.

"You never told me where you were from chump!" Fleetfoot said with some exasperation. "I barely even got your name. So tell us all about yourself."

"Shes right!" The purple unicorn, whom they called Twilight Sparkle, exclaimed, pulling out a small notepad and a pencil from her mane. "Tell us all about yourself!"

"Well I actually wanted to ask y'all a few a questions." I still wanted to why Trixie needed to hide from the public eye, and I figured now was a perfect chance to do so.

"What do you want to know?" Twilight asked, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

"Well I actually wanted to ask about a mare named Trixie."

That earned me a collective gasp from the mares, while Pinkie spat out a small stream of hot chocolate in shock. "OH MY GOSH GUYS! I JUST REMEMBERED!" She screamed, pointing a hoof in my face. "I saw Trixie and Greenlight walk into town together!"

"Is this true Greenlight?" Rarity asked, staring at me with a mixture of shock and distrust. "Haven't you heard about all of the trouble she has caused around town?"

"Shes right chump." Fleetfoot muttered, before taking another bite from a blueberry muffin. "If it wasn't for Twilight, Trixie would have had Ponyville leveled by an Ursa Minor."

"A what?"

Putting the notepad and pencil back into her mane, Twilight turned to me with a serious look in her eyes. "An Ursa Minor is a magical bear, known for it's large size and ferocity. We call it an Ursa Minor because its fur look like its made out of stars." She stated, getting nods from her friends. "When Trixie came into town she started bragging about her ability to take down a full grown Ursa Major. Of course no one believed her, so a few of her FANS decided to bring one into town to prove how great she was."

"Yeah Snips and Snails went into the forest and pissed off an Ursa Minor just to show how tough Trixie was! But when it came into town, Trixie couldn't even scratch it!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, before patting Twilight on her head. "But Twilight here was able to put that thing down without breaking a sweat!"

"Rainbow Dash I didn't hurt it!" Twilight said, with a small blush. "I just put it to sleep."

"Whatever Twilight! That was the coolest thing I had ever SEEN!" The pegasus exclaimed, with a big grin.

"Trixie hasn't been welcome to town ever since." Rarity added, still staring at me with prying eyes. "Which is why we would like to ask YOU what you were doing with her."

"I'm her assistant." I replied nervously, finding sudden interest in the roof.

"WHAT!? You're working with Trixie!?" Rarity hissed, as the others looked at me with disapproval and anger. "Don't you know what ponies would do to you if they found out you were working with HER!?"

"I'm not going to abandon her now! Shes alone and she needs some help getting to Canterlot!" I pleaded, trying to earn some sympathy points. "She didn't come back to hurt anyone, she just wants get back home!"

"Don't explain anything to these foals. I don't need their pity." A familiar voice snarled.

Uh oh.