Past HELP!

Past HELP!

Part 1.6

Written by Hellfilly Deluxe and That Gamer!

Based off of *Help!*

"This isn't exactly what I wanted," Twilight muttered. "In fact, it's kind of the opposite."

"Well excuse me, princess," Applejack said. "This is all we could get on such short notice!"

"What about the princesses?" Twilight asked. "If they found out I was in mortal peril, they would've been here in an instant! And if you're going to use that dumb laziness excuse, with the rate this story's updating, they would have a dozen or so years to get here!"

"This story ain't bein' that slow..."

"When was the last time Like An Atom Bomb updated?" Twilight retorted.

"That was cancelled because it was taking too long to get the next chapter up," Applejack argued.

"Apostrophe (')?" Twilight tried again.

"Didn't even make it past moderation," Applejack reminded Twilight.

"Uh... Vinyl Crosses Abbey Load."

"...OK, yah got me there. Also, I don't think anypony's going to get those references."

"Still, I told you so," Twilight said with a somewhat smirk.

"Well, look on the bright s-"

"Don't finish that sentence," Twilight interrupted. "Whatever you were going to say wasn't going to happen was going to happen."

"That shouldn't be swollen like that," Lyra observed. "Unless you're thinking what I think you're thinking, which I think would be extremely awkward, I think you should think about getting a doctor to check that out."

"...At least it wasn't in the form of a question," Applejack told Twilight, forcing a grin.

"I WANT OUT!" Twilight shouted. "THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE BEATLES AND I REFUSE TO TAKE PART IN SUCH AN IDIOTIC PRODUCTION!"

Oh, you probably want some context. Well, after Pinkie's three or so failed attempts to extract the ring from its place on Twilight's hoof, Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Rarity all agreed that Twilight should tell them what to do next and she suggested (after a short sigh) that they should be the choosers, making their previous decision a little pointless. Anywho, science was chosen to be the next logical step and Sunset Shimmer was hired to help because the equipment required fingers in order to be used. It was kind of a big design flaw if you think about it. Also, the way Twilight was strapped into the device, she couldn't exactly use her horn and being forced to be bipedal wasn't all that healthy for unicorns, or any species for that matter, regardless of age and/or gender. But getting back to Sunset for a moment...

"Would you three be quiet over there?!" Sunset snapped. "I'm trying to work this s#!t and I need to concentrate!"

"Darling, you've been hitting buttons for the last five minutes," Rarity pointed out.

"Hey, that's what you do when you don't know how to do something!" Sunset argued.

"That and cursing at it," Rainbow added.

"Did I ask you for your two cents?" Sunset asked.

"No, but I would've done so either way," Rainbow replied.

"Whatever..." Sunset said. "Lyra, can you, uh, turn that dial over there and explain why you're here?"

"I can do one of those things," Lyra answered with a shrug, reaching over to the closet dial.

"That's the dial for when you're ready," Twilight quickly warned Lyra. "Are you sure Sunset's ready?"

"I can do none of those things," Lyra said, sitting back down.

"I'm ready!" Sunset snapped at Twilight. "I just need to make a few adjustments, that's all..."

"To the control panel, I hope," Rarity remarked. "...Dear, don't point at the ceiling with fingers I'm not familiar with. It makes me so confused."

"Sunset, are you sure you know what you're doing?" Twilight asked with an overly concerned tone. "I have so much to live for and I don't wanna die in a story like this!"

"...OK, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO USE THIS, ALRIGHT?!" Sunset shouted, slamming the control panel again.

"Then why did-"

"I think she's lyin'," Applejack observed.

"How would you know if I'm lying or not?!" Sunset demanded.

"Ah'm the element of honesty!" Applejack replied, carrying that "Yah stupid er what" tone like it was her five month old illegitimate baby. "Ah can tell if somepony's lyin' from miles away!"

"Yet you can barely tell if you're lying," Rarity commented. "Nothing against you, darling, but honestly."

"Ah didn't say Ah was perfect," Applejack said defensively.

"Still working out the kinks?" Rainbow chuckled.

"Ah intend on working with the sarcasm detector when this is all. Would certainly help when talking to yah."

Sunset put her hand on her face and sighed, granting her everypony's attention. "Look, if I'm so good at this, can I move on?"

"Sure," the trio said.

"Thank you," Sunset said. "Lyra, throw the switch."

"Huh?" Lyra had been checking out the ring on Twilight's hoof while the above was going on (partiality because Twilight didn't want Lyra to look at her swelling). "Oh, yeah, right, the dial."

As Sunset sighed again, Lyra used MAGICK to turn the dial into the "ON" position.

Every light in Equestria went off at once, only to come on again moments later.

"ARE YOU CRAZY?!" Rainbow shouted at Sunset. "YOU COULD HAVE KILLED HER!"

"Hey, Jappleack over there said I knew what I was doing," Sunset argued, pointing at said pony.

Seeing Rarity and Twilight's incredibly dirty looks, Applejack could only say, "Ah told yah! Ah'm still working out the kinks!"

And so Sunset watched Twilight be consulted for a few seconds before being distracted by a tap on shoulder from what turned out to be Lyra.

"What do you want?" Sunset asked, practically flashing Lyra with the annoyance deeply rooted in her voice.

"Well, while you were arguing with Rarity and all of them, I was taking a good look at Twilight's ring..." Lyra started in a whisper.

Cue long silence, the metaphorical balloon of such punctured and deflated -- nay, popped, by the steadily annoyed voice of Sunset Shimmer: "...And what about it?"

"Uh, sorry, I was thinking about what I thought Twilight was thinking about," Lyra said, donning a barely visible blush. "It was kinda hot... Anyways, about the ring."

"Thank you..."

"It looks really important," Lyra continued. "Let's steal it."

"And... That's it?" Sunset inquired, not really surprised.

"Pretty much," Lyra confirmed and shrugged. "Really, what other reason do you need?"

"A good reason," Sunset replied. "That should be the other reason."

"Hmph... Sweety or Octavia would have done it if I said it looked important..." Lyra muttered to herself.

"And as you can clearly see, I'm not either of them," Sunset told the disabled unicorn.

"But you do look a little like Spitfire," Lyra added.

"Yeah, I noticed that," Sunset agreed, looking down at herself. "Not an exact match, but the body and hair are kinda similar... Like my name and Twilight's; they kinda match."

"And speaking of Twilight, let's steal her ring!" Lyra suggested.

"No," Sunset deadpanned.

"OH COME ON!" Lyra exclaimed as best as she could in a whisper.

"You don't even have a motive outside of its apparent importance," Sunset stated. "Nothing you say will make me help you. Like, at all."

"I'll give you five bits," Lyra offered.

"I have no use for those things."

"TEN bits?"

"What part of "no use" don't you get?"

"Uh... I'll stop bothering you."

"Have this include all future meetings and we'll have a deal," Sunset said quickly, extending a hand.

"I'm glad we could come to an agreement," Lyra smiled, shaking Sunset's hand with two hooves.

"Well, you drove a hard bargain and made an offer I couldn't refuse," Sunset murmured. She was rubbing the hand Lyra shook because she gripped a little too hard and, well, it hurt. "So what's your plan?"

To answer that question, Lyra chose not to answer with words. Instead, as expected, she spike with actions, since those are a lot louder. And by louder, I mean throwing a knife at Twilight, it barely missing her hand.

"...I missed," Lyra said.

"Real subtle," Sunset commented.

"I never said I was going to be subtle about it," Lyra stated. "If it worked-"

"They would have killed us," Sunset remarked.

"Good point. Y'know, I'm going to have to take that into account the next time I try this..."

Meanwhile, Applejack was inspecting the knife. " Ah had a feelin' sumthin' like this would happen once mah hypocrisy meter started going off the charts."

"Applejack, you don't have a hypocrisy meter," Rarity told her bucking friend, "or any of that other stuff, for that matter."

"...Ah have no argument," Applejack admitted. "So let's focus our efferts on the two that tried to attack Twi."

"And missed pretty badly, from what I heard," Rainbow added.

And with the quartet (minus Rainbow) gave Sunset and Lyra a pretty dirty look.

"And now they're onto us! Fantastic..." Lyra sighed. "It's your fault for not being quiet during our conversation."

"My fault?!" Sunset exclaimed. "You're the idiot who threw that knife! You're the re-"

Just then, the door flew off its hinges and in came that mini-Celestia Applejack had encountered earlier, brandishing a Tommy gun and looked extremely pissed. "Alright, I'm packing heat, so anypony who isn't a part of the Mane Six should get out of here before I blast your flank to Pluto!"

"Please, unless you're part of Spinoff: Equestria, you can't use a-" Lyra started to argue, but a bullet barely missing her head convinced her otherwise and she and Sunset got the buck out of there.

There was a brief period of silence, as there always is.

"Um... Who are you?" Rarity asked politely as she could, seeing as she was still in some form of shock and awe.

"Princess Celestia, as you can see," Celestia answered quickly, MAGICKing off Twilight's restraints. "Look, we don't have much time. We gotta act quickly. All of your questions will be answered in due time."

"Actually, can you stop time, 'cause I got a couple dozen or so questions," Rainbow spoke up. "Like, um, one, why are you a unicorn? Wouldn't it be better if you were bigger? Where's Luna? Why can't she help? If you two knew what was going on the entire time, why didn't you do anything about it? Why-"

"All of your questions will be answered in due time," Celestia repeated herself, taking Twilight and dragging her upstairs. Rarity soon followed.

"Which is a fancy way of saying she doesn't have an answer," Rainbow remarked to Applejack, the two following the leader.

"I totally do have an answer!" Celestia snapped. "But it's past midnight, so Twilight is the next sacrifice! We have to get this ring off now!"

"Well, if you had told me that first."

Celestia produced a needle. "Twilight, I have to inject this into you right now or else I'm going to have to rule for 2000 more years."

"So does that mean I'm just a part of your retirement plan?" Twilight asked, disappointed.

"I don't have time for that!" Celestia shouted. "I have to get this thing in now! No interruptions!"

To be continued...

"AW, FAUST DAMN IT!"

Y'know, you could have just done it while Twilight was still strapped in. Would've saved you the trouble of waiting.

"Shut up!"