Elements of Weird

Chapter 1: What Happened Now?

Author: zachedwrad94

Co-author: DropDeadThenDance

Word Count: 2,559

Warning: Excessive use of strong language, extreme fucktardism, suggestive themes, and mild cartoon violence

Distant rumbling… Thunder? No, it didn’t sound that way to her at all; it sounded more like someone running, stumbling around actually, like a drunkard. She moved a bit, rolled, but everything felt strange and disproportionate. Her body felt abnormally light, as if she were full of helium, and her hands… Why couldn’t she feel her hands, or even her fingers?

She flinched in her state of haze, shifting about in an attempt to get a better look, struggling with a cottony soft blanket enveloped around her body. All she could see were blurred shapes, colorful blobs throwing themselves at a much larger, lighter colored shape, flailing about wildly. It roared at the colorful blobs, bouncing off of one of them and then fell back.

The sound of shattering glass filled her ears, the cracks in each piece echoing like gunfire. Oh how her head was throbbing. She pushed herself up, her head spinning with the effort of trying to focus on the peculiar shapes. “Bitches!” the whitish smear shouted hysterically, anger flaring up in its voice. “Get the fuck off me! Damnit, I’ll fucking snap your head off your fag-ass little shoulders!” it bellowed as it threw itself into another colorful blob, throwing the smaller shape back into a large, blueish object.

“Tyler?” she questioned groggily, squinting her eyes in an attempt to better make out the shapes flinging themselves about in front of her. The voice was certainly his, but he was ignoring her… She grumbled a little to herself, blinking a few times as she tried to find her glasses. Her hands were completely numb, her fingers feeling almost as if they didn’t exist at all, but she figured being able to see would explain everything. “Tyler!” she shouted this time, her voice harsh and dry. “Save your fucking menstruating for later, I have a goddamned headache from Muppet hell,” she murmured as she finally found what felt like her glasses.

She scooped them up gently, testing the weight to see if they felt right, and then went to put them on her face but something was wrong. Her hands bumped into a shape protruding from between her eyes, something unfamiliar and very much in the way. She was about to begin cursing but noticed something else that troubled her… Her glasses felt abnormally large in her hands. Quickly she pushed them into place, trying to fit them over the strange thing on her face, then focused on the scene about her.

She paused at that exact moment, everything suddenly clear. It just wasn’t right, something was so totally wrong with what she was seeing; were those My Little Ponies flailing about in front of her? She reached under her glasses, rubbing her eyes with the numb ends of her hands. It looked like she was staring at a massive, 360 television, everything around her delicately colored and child friendly in appearance.

She looked up again, eyeing the ponies in front of her more carefully, and the area around them. She saw the broken jar on the floor, shattered into twenty or so pieces. There was a gurney across the room from her, flipped on its side, and there was a nurse pony hanging limply over it. They moaned softly, grumbling about their back, and she blinked several times.

“Somebody date raped the fucking hell out of my drink last night,” she murmured as she looked ahead again. There were three ponies in front of her eyes, throwing themselves back in forth in a manner that very poorly resembled fighting. Two of the ponies were much smaller, one of them a sick minty green with lemon yellow hair and the other was a much more calming blue with greyish hair. Both poines were wearing what looked like labcoats, one of them having a stethoscope hanging around his neck.

The pony in the middle was much larger than the other two; his mane and tail were a dark brown while his coat was ashy white, his eyes a clear blue green, and he wore bulky, wire framed glasses on his nose. He dropped down hard on his front hooves, eyes narrowed, and he kicked out harshly with his hind legs.

He connected with one of the doctors’ faces, the blue colt being sent flying backward into a cupboard leaned up against the far wall. The white stallion turned again, nostrils flaring for a moment, and then he stomped his right hoof. “Yeah, get some of that you homo little bitch,” he said proudly then turned around sharply, knocking the nurse pony to the ground.

“Holy shit,” the new pony murmured slowly, her eyes widening slowly as she realized who she was staring at. “Holy fucking shit, Tyler?” she squeaked suddenly.

The white stallion turned on her now, eyes flaring with some raw mix of anger and relief. He trotted over to the gurney, grabbed her from the bed awkwardly with his hooves, and tossed her to the floor as gently as he could. She rolled and laid flat on her stomach, her breathing beginning to become rapid as she stared down at her hooves. “Holy shit… Holy fucking shit… I’ve got motherfuckin’ hooves,” she mumbled slowly, her pupils shrinking abnormally small as her eyes grew to the size of plates.

She jerked her head up suddenly staring at random objects in the room. “The fuck is that?!” she hollered, pointing her newly discovered hoof at the over turned gurney, her mind suddenly no longer registering what she was seeing. She turned again, jerking upward so she was sitting back on her flank. “The fuck are those!?” she screamed, pointing at a few random hooks in the ceiling. “The fuck is this!!?”

Her mane and tail were a dark burgundy, her coat a chocolaty brown, and her eyes were an emerald green. She dropped down again, burying her head under her forelegs and began mumbling incoherently. Tyler, the ashen colored pony, walked over to the twitching mare on the floor, throwing herself around as she began to panic and freak out, and he sighed.

He grabbed the pony awkwardly with his hooves, looking rather discontent with his efforts, and then steadied her on her hind legs and flank. Suddenly, he back handed, or hooved, her across the face. The mare rolled, her back against the floor, and she stared up at the ceiling with spinning eyes. “Lindsey!” Tyler shouted as he slammed his hooves down next to her head.

The brown pony jerked to life suddenly, throwing herself away from the ash pony, and rolled until she was back up on her feet. “Invisible toast and Nazi jam!” she screamed suddenly, rearing up on her hind legs, and then toppling over backwards and onto her back again. “Da fuck just happened Holmes?” she murmured slowly, confusion ebbing into her tone.

“Yeah, that’s about the same fucking thing I said an hour ago,” Tyler said, his tone snappish.

Lindsey stared at him blankly for a few moments, her eyes and mind adjusting to everything they were taking in. “The hell man!?” she screamed at him accusingly, surprising Tyler. “You just jack slapped me across the fuckin-” she had begun an angry rant, her mind riddled with insults and accusations, but the sound of the door being thrown open caught both new found ponies by surprise.

Two nurse ponies assailed the room, both white but one with pink hair and the other with blue. They exchanged looks for a moment, their eyes then traveling about the room as they found all the damage Tyler had done since coming back to the land of the living. It looked as if the blue haired pony was about to speak, but a groan from across the room drew everyone’s attention away from the conflict.

Lindsey trotted over to the last remaining gurney in the room, a shape much larger than herself curled up beneath it. She considered what it might be, or who for that matter, and debated on pulling the covers away, but Tyler’s screaming overtook her state of mind once again. “Where the fuck I am, and how the fuck did I get here!? Huh?” he demanded of the two considerably smaller ponies. “And I want a straight fucking answer, damnit!” he snarled as the nurses backed away slowly.

“Sir, please just lie back down,” the pink haired mare murmured calmly, the sweat on her brow betraying her. “You haven’t recovered from the accident yet. You need your rest,” she stressed as Tyler moved towards her, eyes narrowed into thin daggers as his anger began to boil.

“Sir, if you can’t control yourself, we’ll be forced to call the police!” the second nurse squeaked, her voice much higher than the first mare’s.

Tyler roared suddenly, throwing himself back a few steps, then grabbed the edge of the gurney Lindsey had been standing by. He reared up on his hind legs, shoving his hooves under the gurney. “Fuck the Police!” he screamed as he flipped the bed, flinging it towards the nurses, and causing whoever had been lying in it to fall clumsily to the floor in a heap of white sheets and blue blankets. “I want out of this goddamned kiddie show, and I want some fucking answers!” Tyler snarled as he grabbed the corner of the flimsy cabinet.

The two nurse ponies snatched up the unconscious doctor pony, dragging him away from the scene they saw coming. Likewise, Lindsey also understood where Tyler’s mind was, and quickly leaped across the hospital room and ducked behind the other over turned gurney. Not even a moment later, Tyler smashed the cabinet into the floor, then slamming his hooves down on the back of it, the wood buckling under his weight, and snapping.

Lindsey stared uselessly, her head still throbbing from when she first woke up. Everything was happening so quickly, and Tyler was completely out of control. She couldn’t fathom how they were there, or what had happened that had put Tyler in such a rage. She tapped her chin for a moment, considering that simply the sight of the ponies had caused him to snap.

She inhaled slowly, sucking in surprisingly cool air, as she watched Tyler rip up planks of wood from the cabinet, casting them aside like a boss. She pushed herself up, about to call out to the crazed stallion, but a new voice interrupted her. “Oh my god,” the voice drawled on slowly, the pile of blankets shifting about slowly and seemed to grow considerably as the being inside began to stir. “God Tyler, I have such a headache… Agh, why?” the voice continued lazily as the blankets began to fall away.

Lindsey propped her front hooves up on the tipped gurney, brow raised in curiosity. “Zach?” she called enquiringly and the massive pony turned slowly, his dusty brown eyes refocusing on her for a moment. He was at least twice the height of a normal pony, maybe as tall as Celestia herself, and his coat was amber brown, mingling well with his burnt cake brown mane and tail.

The giant of a pony stared at her for several strained moments, his eyes slowly growing wide. “Lindsey?” he questioned uncertainly and the red head nodded quickly. Zach’s head snapped down, staring at his legs, and then he turned his head sharply to the rear and stared at his tail, watching it flick slightly. “Whoa,” he said slowly. “Whoa,” he said again, a bit louder. “We’re ponies!” he said suddenly, his voice assaulting Lindsey’s already sensitive ears.

Tyler barrel tackled Zach, screaming again. “This is your fault!” he accused, his eyes burning holes into Zach’s form as he slammed into the other stallion. Although the height difference was drastic, Zach toppled over easily, his form much thinner than Tyler’s who obviously had a much more muscular build compared to the lean brown colt.

Lindsey rushed over to the pile, feeling daring, and jumped on top of both ponies as they rolled around on the floor. “You damn morons! We’ve got more important stuff to worry about!” she tried to reason, barely keeping her hooves planted against Tyler’s back. The ash pony bucked a bit, knocking Lindsey back several feet and she rolled a few times.

The red head grit her teeth as she stood, her eye beginning to twitch. “Fuck you Tyler!” she screamed at him again. Suddenly a bright aura of orange light wrapped itself around Tyler, yanking him off of Zach, and casting him into Lindsey’s bed, the only Gurney that hadn’t been flipped during the madness of Tyler’s waking.

Lindsey blinked, confused by what had happened, and quickly began to inspect the room for the unicorn that had tossed her friend from Zach. “That was well timed,” she murmured, ignoring Tyler’s pained groan.

“Hey, Lindsey,” Zach murmured slowly, seemingly staring at her face.

The red head huffed, looking annoyed. “What?” she asked a bit harshly, then paused and put her hooves to her face. “Do I have something on my face?” she asked quickly, her hooves moving about quickly in search of the offensive object.

She heard Tyler move behind her and he snorted, smirking a little. “Oh yeah, there’s something there alright,” he teased and she stared at him with wide eyes, fearing that it was something really terrible.

She swung her hooves upward with the intention of knocking the object off of her face, but her forelegs crashed into something hard on the way up. She jerked in surprise then peered upward, nearly going cross-eyed as she fixed her eyes on the thing that had caught her off guard.

From the center of her forehead she found a small, swirled horn.

She threw herself backwards, her hooves colliding with the horn. “I’m a motherfucking unicorn!” she screamed in disgust and horror. “No! I refuse, I hate these snobby sons of bitches!” she ranted on, obviously crazed as she rubbed the horn against the floor, doing more damage to the pristine white tiles than the horn sticking out of her forehead. “Does not want, I repeat, DOES NOT WANT!” she roared, about to slam the horn into one of the overturned gurneys.

Zach, knowing that damaging the horn would seriously hurt, grabbed Lindsey and yanked her away from it. “Oh, come on!” Tyler whined. “She’d never do it again after that, I promise,” he taunted and Lindsey glanced at him, glaring, but said nothing more.

Neither of the three ponies had realized that the nurses had left, but when they returned with what looked like Royal Guards, Tyler climbed up at last and grinned a bit, worrying the other two. “Alright bitches,” he said as he kicked the gurney aside, allowing it to slam into the wall behind him. “Who’s first?”

“Just wait Tyler,” Zach said calmly, stepping between the guards and his friend. “Let’s figure this out first,” he offered and Tyler glared at him but didn’t move. Zach nodded once, thankful, then turned to the guards, Lindsey trotting up next to him while Tyler took his other side. “Gentlecolts,” Zach said calmly, already very much adapted to the ponies’ ways of speaking. “What’s going on here?”