The Chronicles of a Furball

The Chronicles of a Furball

Chapter 5: Griffin the Flip Off.

"Hey. I'm watching you...like a hawk."

"Why? Can't you watch me like a griffin?"   -Gilda and Pinkie Pie

     "Gooo-ooo-oood moring Equestria!"

     Fun fact #1 about Sylus the Ottsel: He's a moring person.

     Fun Fact #1 about Melvin the Pegasus: He's not a morning person.

     Do you see the dilemma here? I sure do.

     Mel griped and groaned as he was forcibly yanked from his precious slumber. He rolled over and murmured something about carving out my heart with a rusty spoon and wearing it for a belt buckle. Mel always was the creative one of our dynamic duo.

     I did a showy frontflip off off one of the tree's low-hanging branches and landed cleanly on my feet (Should I start calling them paws?). One good thing about being two feet tall and orange is that I became as limber as a wet noodle, and as skinny as one to boot. Acrobatics, here I come.

     "Up and at 'em, it's morning!" I merrily chirped in Mel's ear, his response was to violently and unexpectedly, headbutt my sorry ottsel tail.

     Skulls collided and I was knocked flat on my ass (Have you ever landed on your tail? It hurts like a motherfucker) due to his head's superior weight and strength, not to mention the fact that I was totally unprepared for it.

     "I guess I deserved that," I said, massaging the inflicted spot on my head.

     Mel rubbed the sleep out of his eyes "Sorry," he said dreamily "Just reflex."

     The blue pegasus pulled himself to his four hooves and stretched out his entire body,  not unlike that of a cat. He smacked his lips and surveyed our campsite, his eyes were distant, removed from this world. He didn't move or blink for a few good seconds. He just stood there, staring into space.

     "Mel?" I asked, to no avail. He made no response to me at all.

     I walked up to him, snapped my fingers a few times in front of his face, and asked a little louder "Mel?"

     His face scrunched up in suprise for a split second, he shook his head, snapping out of his funk. "What?" he asked.

     "What's up with you?"

     He smiled sheepishly "Uhm, sorry. I just...hoped that yesterday was a dream. That I could wake up in my bed, back in New York."

     "Are you gonna be alright? " I asked with concern in my voice. After yesterday's hysterics, I wouldn't doubt that our situation is having severe psycological effects on him.

     "Yeah yeah, I'll be fine," he answered, adding a terribly unconvincing smile.

     I was not one to push the matter, when Mel didn't want you to know something about him he gets really stubborn. "Fine," I said "Let's get a move on. I wanna be in Ponyville by today if we can help it."

     Mel nodded and let me climb upon his back once more. Now that I actually had contact with a pony, I found out that they weren't all that soft and fuzzy as fanon led me to belive. They only had a thin coat of fur, and thick skin underneath it, just like a real pony would. In contrast, my fur was thick and poofy like I was designed for cold northern weather. If you think about it, compared to Mel, I'm as soft and cuddly as hell.

     DO NOT tell Mel that I said that!

XVXVXVX

     We spent a few hours of more walking in the thick an soupy summer heat. The geography didn't seem to change all that much, with the rolling meadows of knee-high grass and clusters of wild flowers that spanned all the colors of the rainbow that were scattered amongst the sea green. I'll tell you this again, in case you forgot from last chapter: I love nature. Live the majority of your life in a cage of concrete streets and steel towers, you too would be squeeing like a little girl when you see a field of bona fide, honest-to-god flowers.

     I looked once more to the east, we were only a few miles away from the base of Canterlot Mountain. When we started out yesterday, the city  itself was just a shape on the horizon,  now I feel that I could chuck a stone and hit the underside of it. But Canterlot was not where we wanted to be yet. According to know-it-all Giles, we couldn't simply climb it and end up at the gates. He suggested that we take a train from Ponyville, which was absolutely fine by me.

     My inner fanboy struggled to contain itself at the mere thought of actually being able to traipse around Ponyville and meet everyon- er, everypony that resides there. Y'know, exept for Twilight. She's probably still in Canterlot getting her geek on. Unless season one is happening as we walk, and that I'm missing out on watching the show live. Which reminds me...

     "Hey Mel," I broke the silence of our trekking.

     "Hmm?" He hummed absentmindedly, not bothering to look back at me.

     "I was thinking, since we'll be here for a long-ass time, I should probably bring you up to speed on pony lore so you won't be tottaly clueless. "

     "Sure, whatever, " Mel said in a clearly uninterested tone "As much as I don't want to know about the world...I guess I have no choice."

     "That's the spirit!" I said with sarcastic cheer "You might as well try and stop being such a downer since we're in this for the long run. Hell, you may even get to like this-"

     "Yeah, that's great," he cut me off "Just fill me in and I'll listen...probably."

     "Pfft, fine," I grumbled "So where should I start? Hmmm, I might as well start where the show starts. See, there are these two sisters; one represents the day and the other represents the night..."

     And so I explained to him the legend of the two immortal princesses, the rise of Nightmare Moon, how Celestia had to banisher her to the moon, how that all tied into the show, etcetera etcetera etcetera. I even got Giles to pull up a few holographic pictures of the cast from the bracelet (Jesus! When Shiva said it had a lot of data stored in there she really meant it!).

     Thankfully, Mel listened intently the whole time, he even asked a friggin' question! It was right around the time I was explaining "Griffin the Brush Off."

     "Hold up a sec!" he interrupted my droning monologue "There are griffins here? Like the half eagles-half lion kind of griffins?" Oh right, I should have mentioned;  Mel loved mythology. He intended to take it as a class in college before he got swept up into Shiva's contract.  Griffins were his absolute favorite type of animal, mythological or real.

     "Yes," I continued "walking, talking, living and breathing griffins. Though I don't know a damn thing about them, I'm basing all of this off of two one-shot characters in the show."

     "Oh, that is soo-ooo-ooo cool!" I could feel all the squee flying forth from his mouth.

     "So you DO admit that Equestria isn't all that bad?" I smugly asked him.

     Mel chuckled a little "I admit nothing!" Oh Mel, you always were the stubborn one.

     I opened my mouth to say something that could be taken as snarky, but I froze. Something directly above us momentarily blotted out the sun, shading our bodies for scarcely a second. Doing stuff like that take some thing big, winged, and airborne. We instantly turned our eyes to the sky, trying to spot what could have passed over us.

     To me, the sky was vast and blue, without a single cloud marring it. Nothing, nothing at all was visible, the blue void just stretched on forever in an endless blanket. "What was...?" I asked.

     "Dunno," Mel whisperd, he was clearly as spooked as I was.

     It happened again, the sun was blocked out, but this time I was looking for the culprit.  I whirled around to see the vague silhouette of a winged creature, flying about in circles, and at a very fast speed too. I watched it complete one loop. Oh shit, I thoughtit's circling US!

The figure, now flying away did a complete 180 degree turn and dived directly at us. My reaction was to hit the deck. I lept off of Mel's back and landed belly first onto the grass. I assumed that my friend did the same.

     I heard a heavy woosh directly above, and the flapping of oversized wings, a strong gale blew me as the figure drew near. I felt an icy claw grip me around the waist, completely stopping any of my movements. Totally under it's power, I looked up to see the burning green eyes of an eagle. It looked back at me with ferocious intent, with the mad glare of a carnivorous predator. The beast's intentions were clear: I was lunch.

      It's grip tightened and with a powerful flap of its massive wings, the eagle...no, the griffin took off back into the sky. We gained altitude at impossible speeds, with the wind whipping at my face like a tornado. I looked down and Mel was already a tiny figure staring back up at me, I could've blocked I'm out with my thumb if I so desired.

     As you had probably guessed, I screamed. I screamed long and hard, straining my voice as I did so. I desperately beat the griffin's underside with my fists, an ultimately useless attempt at freedom. So I continued to scream.

     "AAHHHHHHHHHGGGGGHHH!" I writhed, trying to loosen the bird's grip. Even if I did get free, it would've been a hella long drop. But it was better than being somebody's midday snack.

     "THE MORE YOU SQUIRM," My captor screamed back. Holy shit, it was a woman's voice. Not that I'm sexist,  I just didn't expect the big feathermonster to be a she "THE SLOWER I'M GONNA EAT'CHA!"

     "FUCK OFF!" I yelled back. Sure, it wasn't the wittiest comeback in my book but you can hardly blame me, I was under a lot of stress!

     I kept on pounding her underside, it still didn't affect her. She bent her head down and looked me right in the eye, but her expression wasn't like before. I didn't see that predatory hunger, I saw confusion in those piercing green eyes.

     "You talk?" She asked. Well this is awkward, here I am about to be eaten and she wants to know if I talk, right after I just explicitly told her to "fuck off."

     "NO SHIT, I TALK!" I retorted.  We weren't ascending anymore, the griffin had us gliding on one of those high-altitude air streams. I forget what they're called. I risked a look downwards, we were waaa-aaay up high in the air. The grasslands below looked more like a giant green sea than a big peice of land.

     "Fuckin' hell," the female griffin cursed "I can't eat anything smart."

     I let out a nervous chuckle, releasing a breath that I didn't know that I had been holding "Haha, heh haha, heh uh- what?"

     She stopped our flight to hover in the air. The griffin took me from one claw into another, holding my by the scruff of my neck and raised me so that we were face-to-face. "I said I don't like to eat anything that can talk, " she stated curtly "Wouldn't like it when my food begs for it's life, ya dig?"

     I nodded, a little too quickly and enthusiastically than necessary "Yeahyeahyeah, I dig!" I gave the griffin a half-hearted thumbs up "Now put me down?"

     "Sure, why not?" Then the bitch dropped me.

     I never understood why what happens to me happens. Did I beat puppies and kittens to death in a previous life? Is sarcasm the long-lost eighth deadly sin? Or am I just that unlucky? I'll make a note to ask god about that next time I'm standing at the pearly gates. Then I'll ask him how magnets work and why he made so many weird things taste like chicken.

     Anyway, back to falling.

     I was in a state of complete and total freefall. I had nothing on me, no goggles to protect my eyes, no nylon clothes to protect my skin, and (Most importantly!) no parachute to protect my innards from becoming outtards. Y'know how when people are falling for a long time in cartoons, their faces are all contorted and their lips and cheeks flap comically? Well it's actually like that, and it was what was happening to me.

     And so I fell... my arms and legs were spread outward as to prevent me from falling end-over-end. The force of the wind across my poor ears created a deafening noise. The ground was coming up soon, and I would be be a red splotch over the green fields in a few moments time.

What a hell of a way to end... was all that went through my mind before it happened.

     About three-fourths of the way down, my body lurched as the griffin plucked me out of freefall at the last second. My brain bounced around inside my skull and my teeth rattled inside my mouth, if I had anything more in my stomach I would have thrown it up. That was a feat both terrifying, impressive, and enraging.

     "You...fucking...SUCK!" I screamed as the female griffin as she gently and slowly glided back down to the earth.

     The griffin fluttered just a few feet off the ground and unceremoniously dropped my on my face. Despite the pain of impact that gravity brought me, I was never happier to be have a mouthful if dirt in all of my life.

     The griffin laughed loudly and heartily,  she had a deep, throaty voice "Bah hah hah! Oh gods, you should have seen the look on your- Hah!"

     I picked myself up off of the ground and dusted the soil out of my already dirty orange coat. I turned to look at the offending griffin, her eagle head was pure white while the rest of her feathers were an dark olive green with white at the tips. She wore a pair of saddlebags and a simple necklace with a copper pendant around her neck. A confident and sly smirk was firmly plastered onto her young face. I looked right into her eyes, at a glance one could see only laughter and mischeif.  But if one looked deeper into her green orbs,  one could see hurt, a desperate pain derrived from terrible and traumatic experiences.  There was no doubt about it, this girl had seen some bad things in her life, and lived to tell about it.

     "Bite my furry orange ass!" I snapped. I don't care how much bad stuff she had seen in her days, that's no reason to drop me out of the sky for shits and giggles!

     The griffin idly inspected one of her sharp talons "Heh, I almost did," she said dryly "Lucky for you that I didn't. I never really tasted...whatever you are."

     "I'm an ottsel," I clarified, flipping her the bird (The pun WAS intended) "And why in the sam hell did you drop me like a bad habit?"

     She made made no attempt to hide her shit-eating grin "Ohh you must've slipped~" she said in a musical tone "You should really put on some weight, my big, beefy claws couldn't get a good grip on you~" Ok, even I can appreciate a good snark every once in awhile, near-death experiences aside.

     "Si! Of for the love of- SI!" I turned around to see Mel racing toward us, apparently she dropped me off quite a ways away from where he stood. I felt a twinge of pride in me when he ran, he didn't slip or stumble at all. Mel was really getting the hang of this 'moving around' thing.

     Mel stopped just between the griffin and I. He took a menacing stance and bared his teeth at her "Don't fucking touch my friend!" he growled. You go, Mel! Way to stick up for the little guy! (Literally)

     The griffin girl didn't even blink at his show of aggression, she just waved him off dismissivly "Sure, whatever," she said nonchalantly "I wasn't even gonna hurt him. I don't eat anything that can talk."

     "Then why did you try and scare him to death?!" Mel screamed in her face.

     She still didn't even show signs of suprise, she chuckled and shook her head "Hah, oh you... I like you, you got a fire in your heart" she lightly poked Mel on his chest with a claw "I was just havin' some fun. You can't blame me for getting my kicks when I can. Fuckin' boring out here."

     "Fuck you!"

     "I bet you'd like that!" She retorted,  shooting Mel a seductive look.

     Mel was about to say something angry and hateful,  but I put myself in between them before he could take a swing at her "Listen guys," I said "I'm fine, see?  Not a damn thing is wrong with me.  So can you just back off?"

     Mel scoffed at the griffin and reluctantly backed off a couple of paces. The griffin stayed put.

     "What the hell do you want from us? You had your fun, now go!" Mel  was putting pure venom into his words.

     She casually shrugged "Well at first, I wanted a bite to eat but that's not happening anytime soon. Now I just want to hang out, dudes. I haven't seen anyone worth talking to in awhile. I figure a pissy pegasus and a...fuzzball are more interesting than most of those lame-o fuckers on the road. And I do kinda owe you after I almost gave Shortie a heart attack."

     "Well we don't want to 'hang out' with you, bitch," Mel hissed. He turned and gave me a hard look "Right, Si?"

     "Hey woah, woah," I said, holding my hands up in the classic 'calm the hell down' gesture "I didn't say that. Listen, I enjoy a good prank every now and again, even though she took it a little too far."

     "So you are saying we should just forgive her?!" Mel growled at me.

     "No!" I said just as harshly "But that's no reason to just make her your enemy."

     "Oh great... just great," Mel said cynically "We pop into a magical land of talking ponies and dragons and you start spouting all this 'Friendship is Magic' bullshi-"

     "Enough!" I shouted "You need to calm the fuck down, Mel!" Mel was about to go off the deep end, I'll be damned if I let that happen again.

     "Hey, uh... I don't wanna cause a fight or nothing like that," the griffin (I should ask her name) interrupted "If your buddy doesn't like me I'll just go."

     "Just give us a sec," I told her, then motioned for Mel to come closer. I whispered in his ear "Dude, don't piss her off."

     "Why?" He whispered back "She's trouble, Si. I fuckin' know it!"

     "Yeah, well I probably don't know half the shit about this place that I should, and you know even less."

     "What are you getting at?" Mel whispered,  shooting a glare at her.

     "I'm saying need a guide, someome who knows this land. Not to mention the fact that we also need some muscle, kuz we aren't exactly the dangerous type."

     "But-"

      "No buts! We need her help and that's final!"

     Mel didn't bother to whisper this time "Fine, but I don't like it."

     I broke the huddle and gave the griffin the most honest smile that I could muster "Ok, sure. You can hang with us. What's your name?"

     The griffin extended a clawed hand, I took it in my own and we shook (By god, she had one nasty grip!) "Name's Keria," she said "And you two are...?"

      "My name is Sylus, and this irritable son of a gun is Melvin."

     Keria nodded her greetings to us both "So where are you two fuckers headed?"

     "Were going to Canterlot to see a guy about a bracelet," I said, waving my brace arm at her "What about you?"

     The traces of humor in her eyes disappeard for scarcely a moment, and that look of pain intensified "Same. I need to see a dog about...somethig. I'll tell ya some other time," her eyes shifted back and forth suspiciously.

      It didn't take an idiot like me to see that she was withholding something from me, that was painfully clear. I wasn't new to being out of the loop, Mel did it all of the time, and I slowly learned to see the lies on people's faces. Even if they were bird faces.

     We exchanged a few more insignificant pleasantries with one another, nothing too exiting. And soon we set off again, with our new "friend" in tow. Keria was the first to join our little motley crue, but by no stretch of the imagination was she the last. She was but the first of the many people that I would meet, each with an equally big personality.

     But for now, it was just us three against Equestria. This griffin girl was part of our destiny now, we were bound to share the pain and pleasure that this world had to offer, until death do we part.

 Onward to Canterlot.

Until next time, guys. Keep on readin'!