Ratchet and Clank: Nefarious Equine

Princess Celestia awoke relatively early, some loud commotion had occurred an hour ago several floors down. She watched as Luna slowly descended the moon beneath the horizon. She yawned loudly and stretched her longs legs out, her knees popped slightly as her joints became lax. Slowly Celestia rose out of bed and proceeded to call for her morning coffee.

"The night can last just a little longer, Luna always waking me up with some stupid *criminal activities*. Just once I want to sleep in peace, but of course it must be on a Sunday... A Sunday!"

*Kaboom!* "What in the-?!" A loud explosion rocked the foundations of the castle, several smaller compact explosions rang out from the initial blast.

"I am going to kill Luna when I work out what the *bleep* is going on!"

The princess of the sun galloped through the halls, her face etched with an expression of unwavering hate. In Equestria there is but one simple word of advice... Do not awaken the princess before her coffee, hell hath no fury like a sleep-addled Celestia.

The dungeon door was blasted away with magic revealing three cells, that shared one common trait. The wall behind them was nothing more then a smoking crater, all that was left was a small puddle of yellow liquid left by some sort of giant gorilla. Celestia shouted her sisters name in the ear-splitting volume of the Royal Canterlot Voice. Several heads around the city were raised at this strange occurrence. Last time Celestia had used that voice was Sombra's Mexicolt stand-off and Chili Eating Contest. Those days were dark indeed for toilets.

Luna appeared almost instantly, her face aghast at the sheer destruction of the prison wall.

"Luna! What is the meaning of this?!"

"Illegal aliens..."

"So this is about racism?"

"No, we mean criminal space aliens."

"Really? Your kidding me, right?"

"We can show thou the strange flying craft now embedded in the outer perimeter... But first we must seek out these fugitives, obviously they have access to powerful magic."

"You didn't check them for weapons or spells did you?"

"Well, no but-"

*Sigh* "This is why you shouldn't be in the justice system... Considering that is EXACTLY how Discord escaped..."

Luna gave a guilty grin to her sister and scuffed her hoof on the cob-webbed floor, "Well where would the fun be if they stayed locked up?"

"I. Must. Resist. Urge. To. Kill. Sister..."

While these events were taking place, Twilight had managed to hook Dr Nefarious to a strange device. The Doctor yanked and thrashed at the rope bonds, but the pink aura around it kept it excessively tight.

"What are you doing? I will annihilate you!"

"Just a little experiment... Lawrence here has been a great help!"

"Sorry sir, but I haven't had this much fun in ages!"

"Lawrence! Your meant to be MY servant, not some foul little squishies accomplice!"

Lawrence simply shrugged and pulled a large lever attached to the rather large machine. A massive arc of electricity coursed through the Doctor's metallic skeleton.

"LAAWWWRRREEENNCCEE! WAIT WHY HAS MY GLITCH STOPPED?"

Twilight turned to face Nefarious and gave him a pleasant smile.

"I managed to revert your glitchy programming and upgraded your weakened state, you are now better then new. Here let me just release the rop-"

"MWAHAHAHA YOU FOOLISH SQUISHY!! NOW I CAN RELEASE MY HOLOGRAM ATTACK!"

Nefarious jumped of the chair he was attached to and threw a hologram at Twilight, grabbing her with his sharp claws. Twilight tried to blast him with magic, but a small energy shield protected him from arcane blasts.

"Lawrence for once you make me proud!"

"Thank you sir, perhaps we could make a robotic clone of the feisty little... Squishy?"

"Good thinking!" Nefarious held Twilight at arms length, her breath ragged from the clamped claw around her neck.

"Hey, don't look so gloomy, being a robot is fun! Mwahaha!"

"You- your evil!"

"I think I remember saying I'm the most hated villain in Solana,,, here see, I'm on the cover of Super-villain Weekly."

He held up a small magazine, the cover was adorned with a photo of the Doctor. Behind him was a gigantic robot that appeared to be a ball with an orange *eye*. Below the picture were the words, New in makeover technology, become the robot of your dreams and leave your squishy flab behind! The new and improved Biobliterator, now with transforming death mech capabilities!

"Personally I think they overplayed the whole makeover bit... Guess they never heard of Helga the fitness trainer, she's fatter then a Momma Tyhrranoid before kids!"

Twilight simply stared into his red eyes and gulped at what was about to occur.

"Lawrence, hand me a screwdriver, lets give this equine squishy a new chassis! Mwahahaha!"

Ratchet and Clank fled into the forest, the castle now far off in the distance. From behind them came a very out of breath Qwark.

"Could... We... Just... Take a little...nap. Last time I did this much running was last weeks Blargian Snaggle-beef casserole... That stuff goes...through...me like-"

"Well that sure explains the terrible smell from Deck B... Ratchet I must warn you, Qwark has disgusting flatulence issues."

"Oh joy, wait whats that- Uggh...think I'm gonna be sick!"

"Oops, sorry!"

"Man it's worse then that swamp beast thing from Oozla and that thing was foul! Clank... You wouldn't happen to have my 02 mask handy?"

"Here!"

"Oh thank the sweet air for that!" Ratchet released a large breath, the cool fresh air quickly vaporizing the stench.

A circle of yellow eyes peered at the gang, their hungry howls ringing out across the land. Ratchet took a step back as a large pack of wolves surrounded them. He stared for some time before he noticed they were made of wood.

"Wooden wolves? Well this should be easy." Ratchet pulled out his trusty Pyrocitor and began to cover the timber-wolves in a jet of flame.

They yelped and cracked as the fire quickly left them as smoldering corpses. Ratchet tried to collect his reward but no bolts came, it appeared such currency did not exist in this galaxy. The gang turned away and wandered further into the forest, unaware of the large pile of wood quickly forming into a giant wolf.

"Raawwwrrr!!"

"Oh that can't be good..." Ratchet spun around and saw a giant version of the creatures he defeated barreling towards him in animal rage.

"Typical... You think you've beaten all the enemies and some bigger, meaner one shows up."

Qwark simply cowered in fear and watched Ratchet and Clank battle the vicious beast. Ratchet pulled out his powerful Gravity Bomb and launched three projectiles towards the giant timber-wolf. Each shot blew out a chunk of wood and toppled the beast onto the hard ground, where it splintered into a thousand pieces. Several sparkly coins were magnetized to his wrench on defeat, it appeared that this galaxy had a different currency.

"That was kinda a wooden battle don't ya think?"

Clank just stared at Ratchet, he was used to his friends bad jokes but this was not even worth a chuckle. Ratchet scratched the back of his head and shrugged,

"Yeh I know... Anyway, let's try to find a way out!"

For hours on end they wandered through the dense forest, the constant whining from Qwark doing nothing to alleviate the frustrations of being lost. Several nasty critters had tried to attack the group but were easily thwarted with a single shot from the Rift Inducer. Ratchet stared at the large sum of coins he collected and wondered what weapons he could buy at the nearest vendor. He continued to wander aimlessly till Clank noticed a break in the trees behind them.

"Ratchet I believe I have found us a way out!"

"Finally, any more of Qwark's complaints and I may have just turned him into a sheep..."

"Hey! Is that a house? Mind if I do the introductions?"

"Sure, if you get captured I wont have to haul your lard ass around..."

The Captain puffed out his chest and wandered over to the front entrance. He raised a meaty hand and rapped his knuckles against the wooden door.

"Just a minute... Angel Bunny please be patient, we have guests..."

The door opened slowly, revealing a yellow pony with a pair of wings growing from her back. She turned towards the large figure before her and let out a blood-curdling scream, slamming the door on Qwark's chin.

"Way to go Qwark! Your heroic charm worked wonders..." Ratchet shoved Qwark out of the way and called softly,

"Hey umm you in there, we just wish to talk... Sorry if my friend startled you but believe me... That's usually my reaction when I wake up with his face staring at me..."

"I-is it s-safe to c-come out?" Asked a light voice, the question barely reaching his ears.

"Sure, we come in friendship and peace!" Ratchet stared at the large wrench in his hand and decided to put it away out of sight, the frightened pony would probably cower in fear at the large tool.

Once again the door opened, a very shy pony stared at the strange cat-like creature with a pleasant smile on his face,

"Umm hi...I'm Fluttershy..."

"Huh?"

"I'm Fluttershy..."

"Hi, Cluttersly!"

"Umm no it's Fluttershy..."

"Oh Fluttershy... Well that makes more sense... I'm Ratchet, nice to meet you!" The lombax extended his hand, shaking Fluttershy's hoof as she slowly smiled.

"Umm, well you can come in...i-if you like..."

"Sure, Clank! Qwark! This here is Fluttershy, shes inviting us to stay for awhile!"

Fluttershy gave a large gulp at the strange monkey wearing a green suit, still a little shook up from earlier. She noticed a small silver creature surveying her house and thought he looked quite cute.

"This is Qwark, who you've already met and this is my good friend Clank. Who is a robot or as your kind is known to call them, a golem."

"Oh my, he looks quite handsome..."

"Thank you, ma'am! I see that you are an animal caretaker? We have chickens and sheep back in our own galaxy, though many of them aren't willing..."

"G-galaxy? Your aliens?! Oh wow, I've never met space aliens before!"

"It would seem that these *ponies* are the predominant life form on this planet, but are yet to accomplish spaceflight.."

"Yeh I kinda figured that..."

"Also my sensors have detected vast amounts of Raritanium are found here..."

"Any trace of Nefarious?"

"Not yet."

Fluttershy shivered at the name, to her ears it sounded like some kind of villain. Discord wasn't so bad anymore but Fluttershy was still scared of funny sounding strangers.

Angel glared at the trio as they stepped into the small cottage. The bunny hated new people, especially when none of them were ponies and one was tall enough to bump the ceiling. He tapped his foot in annoyance that his lunch was now five minutes late.

Ratchet stared in wonder at the cottage, every manner of feathered, furry and scaly critter seemed to make the residence their home. Outside was a chicken coop filled with a dozen or so chickens, happily pecking at the tiny worms that crawled across the dirt.

"I love your house, nice and quaint... Very different from the quarters on The Phoenix..."

"The Phoenix?"

"Oh yeh, that's our... Well kinda our mother ship. We get our missions and stuff from there..."

"Oh wow! Spaceships sound very... Umm different."

"Yep... So what type of umm pony are you?"

"I'm a Pegasus!"

"Oh ok, so there's...?"

"Three kinds... Well four if you count the princesses. Earth Ponies, who have no magical abilities and no wings or horn. The Pegasus, most of us prefer the sky but flying frightens me... Unicorns are the big magic users, instantly recognizable by the horn on their heads. And the Alicorns which share all three abilities. What about you three?"

"Well the Captain here has never actually told us what he is, guessing something about his *secret* identity."

Qwark had sat down on the couch and was now fast asleep, Angel trapped in his arm like a soft toy.

"Awww, he likes Angel... How sweet!"

"Yeh...sweet... And you already know what Clank is so... I'm a lombax and I have no idea where my species lives."

"Oh, well that must be hard."

"Not really, By the way have you maybe seen a blue robot who yells at everything?"

"Can't say I have... Maybe my friend Twilight knows...."

Spike returned from a nice lunch with Rarity to find the library in complete disarray. Hundred's of books lay scattered and torn, the building smelt of oil and grease. From the basement came the sounds of maniacal laughter and Twilight's panicked voice. Spike threw open the door and took the stairs two at a time. As he reached the bottom stairs he noticed what appeared to be a clone of Twilight, laying on a table next to the one who bucked and kicked as another jolt of electricity rocketed through her.

"Let her go you big meanie!" Spike charged towards Nefarious and tried to whack him in the head with a book. *Thunk!*

"Ow! You actually hurt me you filthy squishy! I should annihilate you, but first we're going to try something... Which of these is you real friend?"

"That's easy the one on the right! Now give me back Twilight!"

"Ok, here you go!" Nefarious unlocked the bindings around Twilight and watched as the little reptile hugged his mentor.

"Excellent!" The doctor put his hands in a gesture similar to that of a certain Simpson's character.

"Just like that, your letting us go?"

"Of course, we were just... Upgrading some hardware....MWAHAHAHA!"

"Oook...." Spike supported Twilight as he returned to the upper floor of the library, he turned to say his thanks but they both disappeared before he could utter a single word.

"Oh by the way, Hope you enjoy Twilight's...additions! Sir, perhaps next time we just skip the lame puns?"

"LLLAAAWWWRRREEENNNCCCEEE! Turn off the comm-link you moron! Before he works out where we are!"

"Of course, sir!"

The young dragon wondered briefly if he should write a letter to the princess but decided that no permanent harm had been done...