The Joker and The Rose.

My hand pierced the surface and reached out of the dark water, i tried to find something to grab onto but something kept pulling me down, finally after several painful seconds that felt more like several hours my hand caught something steady.

I heaved myself up, reaching with my other hand over the edge. After pulling myself up i sputtered and coughed up all the blackened liquid, lying on my back for a solid hour trying to catch my breath was a relief i very much welcomed.

When my brain finally started to work properly again i sat up trying to look around in the darkness. The hole i had fallen through was now nothing but a tiny dot far up, barely visible. The thing my hand had caught and saved my life was the edge between the dark water and solid rock.

After my eyes finally adjusted to the darkness i noticed that my tuxedo was completely untouched by the dark water, and so was my entire body, i was dry like a desert.

"Well that saves me from having a cold at least." However the thing that really caught my eyes were my wounds... or actually the lack of wounds, the tattered clothing indicated where the giant dog-like creatures had dug in with its claws, but the skin beneath it was completely unscathed, apart from a few scars there really was no sign of me having been mortally wounded.

"Oookay, either i am wolverine or this is some kind of miracle water." I ran my hand across the scars, the tissue was rough and thicker than the smooth skin surrounding it. The largest scar reached from my lower right hip all the way up to my left shoulder, barely missing my navel by a few centimeters.

I counted to a total of 8 scars all going different directions making my chest look like a game of Mikado. Not to mention my arm, the dog guard had gone completely berserk on it and it looked downright silly with all the scars. To my horror i noticed that my left ring-finger was missing at the first joint from my knuckle and out. "Well shits, i guess i will have some trouble if i ever get married... and some explaining to do." My previously dislocated right shoulder was back in its place but it felt a bit weird moving it around, like if something had been permanently shifted. Other than that my right arm was fine, it had taken no damage from the fighting.

"Yosh!" I leaped up and started looking around for any means of getting out of here. A few meters from me stood a large rectangular boulder, its top flattened. I jumped up on the large rock and heard the distinctive clinking of metal. Not paying any mind to this i tried to peer through the darkness but to no avail, i could not see jack shit in this darkness.

It was at that point i reacted to the sound i had heard when i jumped on the boulder, shifting my feet on the surface i realized that it was not of the same material as the stone, it felt like wood and metal.

I jumped off what i no longer considered to be a rock and inspected the dark object further. Through the perfect shape of it and the multiple iron handles it had on it i quickly realized that it was exactly what i thought it was, a chest.

"Sweet! loot!" I quickly found the clasp keeping the lid closed and flipped it over, i tried to lift the lid off but it sat tight. I tried again and this time it worked. The lid flew up with the sound of opening a can of cola, that distinctive 'Psssshhhh' sound when the carbon had been pent up too long. But instead of coming out the air was coming in, the inside of the chest had been preserved completely in vacuum.

The sudden force had knocked me on my back and i quickly scrambled to the chest and looked inside it, the first thing i noticed was a tiny yellow crystal the size of my thumb emitting a very weak light. I picked up the crystal holding it in my hand, it was not warm like a light-bulb but neither was it completely cold. I put the tiny gem on the edge of the chest to shine light upon the other content of the box. The second thing, which the yellow crystal had been lying on, was a piece of folded paper. I picked up and unfolded the old parchment, text on it was written with some kind of golden ink.

"Greetings Human, I understand that you might be confused or even scared by the sudden turn of events in your life, do not fear for everything was planned into the last detail, the chest before you contains a sword, this sword holds my daughter, through great misfortune she was destined to die at the hands of a disease called cutie pox. In my last desperate attempt to save her life i bound her soul and essence into the ruby at the hilt of the sword. Now that you know it is my fault you are here i fully understand that you might be very angry. But please, i ask of you to take care of my daughter in my place, she is very dear to me and i would hate for her powers to be abused, thus i have called upon you from beyond the stars to keep my daughter safe from harm, do this and i will forever be in your debt. - Star Swirl the Bearded."

Sitting there for a good 10 minutes trying to comprehend what the fuck i had just read, the only words i was able to squeeze out of my mouth was: "That is one wacko name, i wonder what his parents were sniffing."

Putting the note aside i took another look in the chest, the one thing that caught my eyes was a fedora. It fit on my head perfectly, if i angled it right then it would cover my eyes.

"Alright the letter said something about a sword." I looked down into the chest and found just that.

The scabbard was straight, ellipse shaped and clad with golden ornate, the crossguard and hilt had the same shape but without golden decorative. The crossguard was the same size as the scabbard fitting perfectly together with just a tiny slit between them, the hilt was bound in leather to grant extra grip so that it didn't slip from the hands, however it was short, only meant to be held in one hand. The pommel was a single cut ruby fitted into a socket on the end of the hilt, inside it i could see ripples depicting a rose like it was trapped inside the crimson stone. the ruby was humming slightly with light and it cast a reddish colour upon my hands.

I gripped the hilt of the sword and pulled the blade out, it was beautiful. White as milk, double edged and a one centimeter flat broad side between the edges on both sides of the blade, you could knock a opponent out or cut them down however you angled the sword. The metal of the sword was nothing i had seen before, i was not even sure if it was metal, it was too light. In the rays of the yellow crystal i saw how ripples of colours shone like a thousand rainbows inside the sword as i turned the blade, whatever it was made of it had been folded a thousand times over itself. The blade alone was around 80 centimeters long and with the hilt and pommel it was give or take around 95 cm, with the scabbard about a full meter. I checked the tip of the scabbard and on it i found another gem, it had a tad grayish colour different from the sword and was smoothed on the tip of it, you couldn't use it as spear so it was most likely only there for show.

Sheathing the sword i checked the chest one last time for anything more, on the very bottom of the chest was a book with a cover in leather and golden ink text like the piece of paper before. A clasp was keeping the book closed.

I picked up the book and blew the dust off its cover, getting the last of it off with my hand. I read the title. "The complete works of Star Swirl the Bearded." I unhooked the clasp and opened the book, hoping to reveal some kind of mystical secrets or perhaps just a good story read. However i was disappointed when what i saw was page after page filled with strange unfamiliar symbols that meant nothing to me.

"A lot of fucking use this is to me!" I slammed the book shut and hooked the clasp in its place again.

I put the book in one of the inner pockets of my tuxedo and closed the chest. I took the parchment and put it in with the book, i then took the yellow crystal and put it in my pocket.

"Okay lets see." I took out the parchment again and read the part about this bearded guy having a daughter. "So she is inside the ruby." I took the sword and looked at the crimson gem sitting in its socket at the end of the grip. "Eeyupp, this guy was clearly taking something strong."

Even if the ruby did hold said daughter i had no idea how to get her out. "Maybe in the book." I put the parchment back and took out the book again. Opening it up and quickly turning to the last page i saw a little note in yet again the same freaking golden ink saying. "To awaken my daughter from her slumber you need someone that possesses great knowledge in the school of magic, if there is no one with such qualification... god help you."

"Oh, so i have to rely on god in this matter, yeah that's just fine since he has helped me out with oh so many other things in the past!" Sarcasm usually don't work on books and neither did it this time. I once again shut the book and put it in my inner pocket.

I sat there on the chest for a good hour or so cursing the fact that i didn't have any matches to burn this infernal book with.

But after said hour or so had passed i was interrupted with a sound coming from above, as i looked up i could see how something was blocking the hole and was also descending towards me.

"Scheize! It must be the dogs coming down to finish the job." I had completely forgot that they had an elevator. It was my original plan of escape until i was thrown down here. I guess its time to try again now that i had some way of defending myself.

I hid behind the chest, waiting for the elevator to land.

I heard a loud *Thump* as the elevator touched the ground. In the light of the lantern that was hanging from a hook above the steel cage i saw a pair of short horses, the same sort i had seen before, mining away at the rocks above. But instead of looking starved and on the brink of death they appeared to be healthy and somewhat normal looking, if you could call it that. I hadn't gotten the chance to fully look at these cartoonish ponies. It felt like i had seen these things before, but i couldn't quite place it. Their coat and mane was white as clouds and they were wearing golden armor and a short sword at their side that reflected in the single source of light from the lantern.

"Can't believe the captain made us do this, i don't care what we are looking for the last place i want to be is here." The pony stepped out of the cage.

"At least we don't have to be up there and clear the rest of the den out, did we lose anybody in the raiding?"

"Nobody i know, but i think we will have some casualties when we return home."

"Yeah, if we ever find whatever got Princess Celestia worked up, I have never seen her so scared before, she almost panicked when she felt the supposed 'magical tremor'"

"Yeah but to feel it all the way from here, i know she is strong with magic but this is ridiculous."

"Maybe she just wanted Silver Shield out of the picture for a while."

"They still fighting about that thing that happened with the grand galloping gala?"

"Yeah, it was crazy."

"Sorry to interrupt your chit chat but i just wanted to tell you i need to borrow this." I said, standing by the elevator which the two ponies had walked away from.

The two golden clad ponies turned around. "What the? Who are you!?" The right pony asked, the left one immediately drew his sword with his mouth.

I sighed. I had never been in a sword fight before, but i had always been a quick learner. "Well at least i tried." I turned 90 degrees showing them my right side. 'Now i wont be such a big target at least.' i thought as i drew my new sword,i could see the sound sending shivers down the ponies spines.

I pointed my sword at the pony nearest me, "En Garde you furry fiend!" Giving the sword a few swings through the air.

The pony started walking towards me, weapon drawn and at the ready, when suddenly the other pony cried out. "No wait, we need him alive, the captain will want him for questioning."

"I can't promise anything." The other one replied, his voice slightly muffled by the sword in his mouth.

The pony started charging towards me, a moment before impact i sidestepped to the right and watched as the pony tried to stop but to no avail, he started slipping over the smooth surface of the rock. He flew straight past me and collided with the metal door of the cage headfirst and was knocked unconscious instantaneously.

'Are you fucking kidding me?' i thought as i turned to the other pony. I saw how his hoof hit his face as he grunted.

"Okay so are you going to fight seriously or should i just step aside for you to do the same thing?" I gestured towards the pony lying next to the elevator with my sword, a slight bump starting to swell on his forehead, tongue lolled out dribbling saliva and eyes spinning wildly, i could almost see the stars and birds circling his head.

The pony shook his head and looked at me. "He was never the one for thinking ahead." The pony drew his own sword with his mouth. He approached me slowly taking his time and being careful about where to put his hooves.

He quickly threw two swings at me which i easily parried, seeing as how he used his mouth to hold the sword, rendering him incapable of putting some real strength into his blows. Plus i was much taller, his head was around my lower chest level. 'This is hardly a challenge.' I responded with a few swings of my own, he was quick to parry but i still managed to get a hit by the cheek, i saw how blood started spilling out of the small cut.

"It must really be hard having to only use your mouth for holding everything." I said.

A flew more blows followed by a few more parries.

"Oh we cang holg thingsch wick ao hoovsch but wheng ik comesch ko fighking wik tchree legsch i' takesch yearsch ohf practisch." He spluttered with his mouth holding the sword.

"Okay, i will get the Pentagons top cryptologists to try and figure out what the fuck you just said." i replied.

The armored pony stopped and stood there, his head tilting to the side. "Whut?" he asked me. He shook his head and looked me in the eyes. We continued our little exchange of offense and defense.

"You mentioned looking for something to your K-O'd friend over there, mind telling me so i know what to look out for when i am done with you?" I stepped up the attacks, he hardly managed to keep up due to the awkwardness of having to turn his head in weird angles each time he tried to defend himself.

"Ha, like i wou' kell you that."

"If i were you i would have learnt how to fight with three legs just so i didn't sound that silly when i talk." This time instead of going for the head and body i went for the legs, he had to bend his head down to protect his legs and that gave me a perfect opportunity to, with a strong swing of the scabbard in my left hand give a good solid *Thwack* in the back of his head.

He lifted his head and observed me with a queer look, suddenly the sword slipped out of his mouth as he slumped to the ground, the sword ringing a metallic clang as it hit the rock, while his body made a loud *Thud*.

I sheathed the sword. "Now i would just love to stay and chat but you ponies are no fun." I stepped into the elevator and pulled the lever, after a few seconds the steel cage jerked into motion as it was pulled up towards the hole.

--- At the top of the elevator. ---

"Remind me again why you took the two new recruits and sent them down to Tartarus." Silver Shield was furious at best.

He turned to one of his sergeants, a magenta colored unicorn mare by the name of Storm Caller.

"Well you see Captain, i didn't think that there would be anything down there since its just a hole and-" she was cut off by her captain.

"That there is a Tartarus pit, when the Diamond Dogs dig too deep and too greedily they dig all the way down to hell! Don't you realize that we are looking for something that is possibly more powerful than Celestia herself!? If those greenhorns have found it then they are most likely dead by now!"

"W-well surely they-" She was cut off by the elevator starting to move.

"See, i am sure that they are just fine, they probably didn't find anything." Storm Caller sounded relieved.

"I am not so sure about that, Men! Take up positions!" Everybody moved to surround the hole. The senior soldiers drew their swords with a hoof while the newer recruits used their mouths.

"At the ready!" Silver shield drew his own weapon, a large double headed battleaxe which required him to basically strap it to his right knee and forearm so that he could hold it.

Everybody was silent, the only noise that could be heard was the clinking of the chains that pulled the elevator up.

After a few minutes Silver shield heard a voice coming up from the hole.

"I can swing my sword-sword-sword my awesome sword-sword.

You could not afford-ford, ford my awesome sword sword!

I can swing my sword-sword!

I CAN SWING MY SWORD-SWORD!

Once i hit the floorboard but i had it re-"

The voice was cut of by the distinctive sound of metal hitting metal, the chain started wobbling.

"Whoa Nelly! I should put this away!" The mysterious voice continued.

"I guess the men did find something down there." Storm Caller held a rapier in her left hoof.

Once again the voice could be heard, Silver shield wasn't quite sure but it sounded like whoever was on the lift was singing.

"What will we do with a Drunken Whaler?"

"What will we do with a Drunken Whaler?"

"What will we do with a Drunken Whaler?"

"Early in the morning."

"Man this thing is fucking slow!"

Finally after what seemed like half an eternity the elevator reached them, inside stood a creature that Silver Shield had never seen before, instead of fur, feathers or scales it had clothes, a tuxedo with a fedora hat tipped forward covering his eyes, and an ornate staff under his left arm. The bipedal creature stepped out of the cage and stopped.

The creature spoke. "Well well well... welly welly well well... to what do i owe the pleasure of this surprising welcome?" The creature gestured towards the soldiers surrounding him.

"Last time i was here all i saw was mutts and slaves, that has now been replaced by this."  He stopped, facing Silver Shield. The creature slowly raised his head and looked him in the eyes.

Never before had Silver Shield seen such eyes, the left eye was violet and fierce while the right one was sickish bright green, both looked like they were glowing, almost burning.

Then he saw how the creatures eyes peered past Silver Shield on to the piles of diamond dog corpses, the slaves had been evacuated to the ship and the den had been cleared.

"I love what you have done with the place, mind the smell though, before it was like a wet dog but now its more of a 'inside the rotten carcass of a wet dog' smell." the creature waved its right hand in front of its nose.

"Who are you? Where are my men!?" Silver Shield pointed his axe towards the creature.

"Oh them, they are fine. Had to knock em out though, they weren't going to let me borrow the elevator." The creature looked back down into the pit it had came from.

"Who are you!?" Silver Shield repeated.

"Ces't moi!" The creature looked back to him, put its right hand on its chest and tried to look innocent. "Oh, i'm nobody. No i'm just a regular guy, pay me no mind. You should however go look after Tweedledee and Tweedledumbass down there." It pointed behind towards the gaping chasm behind it with its thumb.

"Captain!" He heard Storm Caller shout.

Silver Shield turned his head to the sergeant only to see her face dripping with sweat and her horn glowing.

"He- hes the one, the thing we're after, i can sense enormous magical resonance coming from him." She could barely stand up.

As she said that Silver Shield could see that the rest of his unit that possessed horns were also straining to stay conscious.

"We- we must stop him immediately, I... need to constantly... burn magic, or else i will overload... i... can't take it!"

Silver Shield saw how his sergeants eyes rolled back into her head and she fell to the ground, as if on cue all the other unicorns around him started dropping like flies.

Silver Shield could also feel it now, he was just an earth pony but even they had a connection to magic, his body felt heavy and slow.

'I need to stop this thing before i fall.' He thought. He approached the creature and readied himself for battle, but like approaching a large fire it only got worse the closer he got.

He saw in the corner of his eyes how the rest of his men started falling like a chain reaction. The air was filled with the sounds of armor, weapons and bodies hit the ground.

Silver Shields vision was blurring and his legs weaken.

'Must... not... faint... can't... no...' Silver Shield fell over and the last thing he saw was the creature standing there, untouched by the extreme force of magic emitting from it.