The Joker and The Rose.

= Silver Shield =

Dreams... room... storm... glass of water... magic trick...  Artemis... words floating through my mind. A great darkness surrounded me. I suddenly heard a voice... a familiar voice... a voice i was afraid of... a voice i didn't want to hear.

"Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey... even though i have seen neither hens nor pigs on this ship."

My eyes shot open. I saw his face.

"Artemis..." I mumbled.

"Oh hey, you woke up. How nice of you to join us." Artemis said.

Something was odd about him, his face was distorted somehow. Then i noticed, he was upside down.

'No,' i thought. 'I am upside down,' I immediately got a nauseous feeling in my stomach. I looked down, or up in this case, towards my legs. I was suspended by a rope tightly strapping my back legs together. It was hanging from a crane used for loading supplies.

"Oi! Eyes on me numb nuts!" I felt how Artemis grabbed my head and pulled it so that i was looking into his eyes.

"Now, you might be wondering why i haven't killed you yet. And that is because i need to ask you a couple of questions first."

"Screw you." My voice was weak.

"Tsk tsk tsk, that's no way of talking to somebody who has your life hanging by a thread... literally!" Artemis laughed.

"Now, first question. What year is it?" He asked.

"It's 912 P.D." I responded.

"P.D?" Artemis looked confused.

"Post Discord. It is 912 years since Princess Celestia defeated Discord with the elements of Harmony. Some count it as the 890th Summer Sun Celebration, i think its 890th at least. Cant remember, anyway its to mark when Nightmare Moon was banished to the moon, but that is only legends and not an official date marking." I explained, wondering why this was important.

"Strange, It seems that i got here a bit sooner than when the show started. Dammit i gotta wait 100 years before things get interesting!?" Artemis was apparently angry at something.

Artemis looked at me and grinned. "I wonder what would happen if i mixed things up a little." He said. "Yes, yes that could work." He turned around. "Hey guys! What do you say we become pirates?!" He shouted towards a group of creatures sitting by the stairs to the helm. I saw how a black gryphon shouted "Whooo!" and gave two claws up, a diamond dog in a poncho nodded in agreement and one of those feline jungle cats joined in on the griffins hooting.

"Thought as much." Artemis said with a smile. He then turned back to me. "Are there any pirates in Equestria?" He asked.

"There haven't been any pirates for hundreds of years. Princess Celestia hunted them all down and hanged the lot of 'em" I replied with a smile.

"Oh really? Well that's too bad. I guess we will be the first pirates for a while then." He gave a smug smile back.

"You're mad! Princess Celestia will hunt you down!" I turned to the group by the stairs, to the best of my effort since i had problems moving while being suspended upside down. "You will all die! THIS IS MADNESS!!" i yelled.

Suddenly Artemis stopped, he looked at me. "Madness?" He asked. He leaned in, just a few centimeters from my face and looked me in the eyes. "Well you see madness... is a lot like gravity... all it takes is a little, push!" He put his hands on my body and gave a quick push. I felt how the crane above me started moving. I looked down and saw how i was now dangling far from the edge of the ship. The ground could be seen far below.

Suddenly Artemis pulled out a sword, i watched as he tapped the rope with the blade, not cutting it, but enough to make small notches.

"Nice sword huh? I found this in that pit back in the den. It is really pretty... pretty sharp." He suddenly stopped and looked at me.

"Now, as a gift, for answering my question, i will spare your life. But you still need to be punished." He grinned wickedly.

Artemis moved back, turned around towards the group. "I sentence you to-" He turned back to me "-... ONE MILLION YEARS DUNGEON!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. "...Also exile." his voice was calm again. "And you will serve this exile out here!" Artemis gestured towards the mountains surrounding the ship.

He looked me in the eyes. "Have fun!" He said.

I heard a whoosh as the blade struck the rope. I felt myself falling, i watched with dread how my ship got smaller and smaller as i plunged down into the valley below.

= Artemis =

"Well... that was fun." I sheathed the blade and turned around to the others. "Alright, round up the rest of the ponies on the main deck. I have an idea."

When all the ponies, both slaves and guards, disarmed of course, along with the other creatures that had been slaves back in the den had been gathered on the main deck i walked up the stairs to the helms deck and decided to hold a little speech.

"Mentlegen! My name is Artemis. Me and my companions here have taken over the ship." I gestured towards Ramon and the others. I heard some worried mumbling coming from the crowd.

"Not to worry, none of you will be harmed, in fact i have a proposition for you." A few sighs of relief could be heard from the group.

"I have decided just now that i am going to start a pirate crew. With this crew i am going to sail around Equestria to raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my black guts out." That was completely true since all my blood had been replaced by black Tartarus sludge. I really did have a black heart then.

I continued, "So if any of you want to come with me on said pilfering/plundering and pillaging then please take a few steps forward."

I saw how, give or take, half of the people in the crowd stepped forward. Most of them were griffins, diamond dogs and a few changelings which i now recognized from the show. The rest were ponies of various types.

"Great! Now for the rest of you who don't want to join. I will be dropping you off into the first large town we come across so that you can return to your previous lives or just go do whatever the heck you feel like."

The mumbling started again, i guess they didn't really like the 'Plunder and pillage' part.

"Ramon, Catalina. Would you kindly arrange for everybody that didn't step forward a place to sleep. Those of you who did decide to join please line up outside the great cabin just under this helms deck. I wish to give you all a proper interview so that i can get to know your skills and where to best assign your duty on the ship. Tony, would you kindly escort the pony guards to the cells, i really don't want them walking freely on the ship just after we staged a mutiny."

The three did as instructed. All the guards had been disarmed so all it took was a glare at Tony's talons and they were instantly thankful that i let them live.

I made my way to the great cabin to start interviewing those who had volunteered.

~~~~

I sat down on the fancy shmancy swivel chair behind the desk. The desk itself was made of polished dark oak.

On the desk sat piles of books and parchments laid out, same as for the large table in the middle of the cabin which was used for maps and such, filled to the brim of information i could have use for later.

On the wall sat a large map of Equestria and its surrounding territories, the rest of the walls were covered in bookshelves. Behind me was the wall of large glass windows you normally found in the great cabin of a ship like this, giving me a nice look of the landscapes below. Suddenly a memory of me skiing in Switzerland came to mind seeing the snow tipped mountains and deep valleys.

My thoughts were quickly interrupted however when the door opened, i turned around in the chair and saw Tony in the doorway.

"Yo Artemis, the guards are locked in the cells and there is a large group of people out here lining up." He said.

"Good," I replied, "Send the first one in."

Tony did a quick salute and closed the door. Moments later it opened again, but this time by magic.

First to enter was a female unicorn with dark blue coat and a brighter blue mane, on her flank was a cutie mark depicting a bright star with tiny sparkles around it. Reminded me a bit of Twibright's Cutie mark, i think the main protagonist of the show was called Twibright... can't honestly remember that.

"Please, sit down would you kindly." I said.

She closed the door and sat down on the simpler chair opposite me of the desk. She had obviously been one of the slaves, her body was very skinny and she looked tired, also slightly nervous.

"Now, would you kindly tell me your name." I decided to start with an easy question to ease up the tension, i pulled up a pencil and paper to take notes.

"I-Its Starlight." She answered.

"Okay, Starlight. Tell me a bit about yourself." I said.

"Well, i grew up in Baltimare. Lived a normal life, until one day on a vacation two years ago i was captured by those diamond dogs." She shivered slightly.

"Mhmm... So, since you are a unicorn, what sort of magic do you know?"

"Not much to be honest, i only use it in daily routines, and when the need arises."

"Alright, any other special talents?"

"Well, my father worked in a jewelry store. He taught me some things when it comes to gems and their relations to magic."

"Interesting. Why did you volunteer to join my crew?"

"I would have liked to return to my family, but they were killed during the vacation by the diamond dogs." I could see the hint of a tear in her eye.

"Oh." I was not really good at the whole console somebody thing. "Well, i am sure that i can have good use of your abilities." i said with a smile.

Some time later, after I was done with my questions and called in Tony. I arranged it so that everybody would get a hot meal and a warm bed. Simple really since the cooks on the ship had gladly agreed to make food in exchange for their lives. I wasn't going to kill them in the first place but its nice to keep them in check. And there were many beds free now that the last handful of guards that had survived my mental glass rampage were in the brig. Still couldn't figure out how the heck i did that. I guess repetitive abuse to my forehead makes me into a killing machine. I didn't dare question the logic in a cartoon so i just went with whatever seemed profitable.

Next one to enter was a large stallion, earth kind, with brown coat and mane. His body was packed with muscles, i guess it was from all that hard work in the dens.

His name was Rough Rider. He had originally been in the Equestrian army but had been captured in a raid four years ago. With a specialty of large broadswords he could definitively become a great asset in combat. The reason he wanted to join was that while he missed his work in the force, he felt that the Equestrian army had gone soft seeing as how i had just dropped the captain of Celestia's royal guard from his own ship, plus demolishing an elite force of fighters he was originally part of.

One after one the line outside was starting to shrink. After going through 10-20 ponies, griffins and diamond dogs, all with different abilities and experiences i was starting to get slightly bored.

That quickly changed when through the door entered a female changeling. Or what i presumed was a female since they didn't seem to have any discernible genders. Unless you count for Queen Chrysalis.

"I was wondering when one of your kind was going to enter. Please, sit." I gestured towards the chair.

"You know about our kind?" she asked. Definitely female with that voice.

"Not that much to be honest, only that you feed of positive energy from emotions emitted by other creatures and that your ability is to change into any quadrupedal creature within a reasonable size, thus the name Changeling."

She seemed surprised at my knowledge. "You are well informed, few know about our kind. Even fewer know our true potential." she said.

"Indeed, I could really use somebody with your abilities in the disguise and infiltration section." I said

"Actually my best talent is strategy and tactics. While most changelings are best in spy work i would be best put to use in a room full of maps and plans." she explained.

"Uh-huh. I never got your name."

"We changelings do not receive a name when we hatch, but since i am not a part of any brood i have taken up the name Onyx."

"Short, simple, easy to remember. I am sick to the bones of all these names that is some kind of pun regarding to the individuals natural ability." i said as i scribbled down something on the paper.

"Tell me about it, i swear that someday someponys name is going to piss me off so much that i'm gonna kill them."

I smiled, "I think we will get along just fine."

The next one to enter was another changeling. Except this time there were 3 of them.

"Hmm, i thought i told Tony to send you in one by one." I looked at the three identical changelings.

They all opened their mouths. "To separate Nigel from himself would be considered unwise." They said in unison.

"Oh, well this just got a fair amount more odd." i looked at the one in the middle.

The changeling in the middle stepped forward. "We are Nigel, due to us being hatched from the same brood mother and in the same egg, we have a single unified mind."

"Now that is useful, if i had more chairs i would ask you to sit down but i'm afraid i only have one."

"That is of no concern, Nigel has no need for chairs." They continued.

"Well, okay then."

So after a long session with the Nigels, most of it trying to figure out which one to have eye contact with, i realized that i was done with the interviews.

I was very thirsty. My throat was drier than a popcorn fart.

I started looking around the cabin to see if maybe the previous captain kept some refreshments. I noticed a cabinet in the corner of the room by the large glass windows. It was filled with bottles of different shapes and colours.

"Oooh, booze!" i got out of the chair.

I picked out a large bottle and plopped the cork off, i took a sniff and came to the conclusion that it was some sort of rum.

"Typical, and Silver said that there were no more pirates, heh." i took a gulp of it and almost wretched.

"Deuueaugh," i sputtered, "This tastes bloody awful." i put the bottle back. I went up to one of the large windows and opened it, i suddenly heard a whistling coming from the liquor shelf, i walked up to the side of it and noticed a tiny slit between the cabinet and the wall.

I pushed the shelf and saw how there was a hidden door behind it. I opened it and entered a completely new room, it had a bed, a desk, a bathroom and several other things. It was the captains quarters.

I quickly shot my right hand up in the air, "dibs!" i shouted to nobody in particular.