The Joker and The Rose.

= Artemis =

I was sitting in the workshop of the ship, trying to the best of my ability to come up with something to make, using my knowledge from earth and implement it to Equestria. The big plus was that while i had seen no signs of electricity, they did have magic, and that was even more efficient and full of potential.

I heard somebody knocking on the door. "Come in," i shouted.

Onyx and Starlight entered. "I brought Starlight, as requested." The changeling said.

"Good, thank you." i was sitting at a drafting table, a bin slowly filling up with crumbled paper balls on the right side and a drawer filled with a slowly diminishing supply of unused paper sheets on the other.

Onyx was heading out the door when i called, "Hey Onyx," She turned around, "How long until we reach Maneapolis?" i

asked her.

"Four days." She said before leaving.

I turned back to the drafting table, "four days... stupid... bloody... energy pylons..." i muttered to myself.

I heard Starlight clear her throat behind me.

"Right," i turned around the chair, facing the dark blue unicorn, "Before, you told me that you have some experience with gems."

"Well yes, but it's mostly the things i learned in magi-school." She said.

"Naught to worry, when we get to Maneapolis the second place i will visit is the library. I want as many books as i can find about gems, also the entire history of Equestria."

"Well then you have a lot to work with. The books date back around 900 years to the point where Celestia defeated Discord. No history was recorded during Discords rule, mainly because they were too busy dodging giant marshmallows or whatever else Discord could come up with in that twisted mind of his." she said in disgust.

"Yes i can imagine that would be distracting." i crumbled a failed design in my hands, threw the paper ball in the bin and picked up another from the drawer.

"So... whatcha working on?" Starlight asked.

"Hmm... right now i'm just trying to figure out the science behind magic." i scribbled down some notes.

"Aaand... so far you have figured out...?"

"That magic has never heard of the laws of science."

Starlight laughed, "Yeah, that's the gist of it."

"Do you know anything about augmenting instruments with gems?" i asked her.

"Not really, but i guess its the same as putting gem sockets in clothes and jewelry." she shrugged.

"Well, i don't want my guitar to look good, i want to use it as a weapon." i plainly stated.

"Well, i have never heard about somebody using gems in that way, but with a gem that has been set with an amplification spell, it could work."

"Do you know any spells in that area?"

"No... but i am sure that we can find several books about that in Maneapolis."

"Good, until then i need your help with something else." i pushed away from the table with my legs, making the chair roll across the room to a flat table.

"Here, hold this." i threw her a plastic cup that had been sitting on the table. She caught it in her hoof.

I rolled closer to her and studied her hoof holding the cup.

"Fascinating, truly fascinating." i grabbed the cup between my thumb and index finger, i slowly started dragging it away from her hoof, it finally released from her grasp, almost like pulling two magnets apart.

"Eeeh, what are you doing?" Starlight asked.

"Your hoof, it can hold things."

"Well duuh, why wouldn't it?"

"Look at your hoof, it is a hoof! a flat surface. there is no way you could possibly hold objects in it." I held the cup in my hand, straightened my fingers, letting the cup fall to the floor. "See? For me it falls straight off, but for you." i picked up the cup again and put it in her hoof, it stayed right there, not falling.

"Oh yeah, look at that. I have never thought of that before." she started waving her hoof, but the cup stayed right where it was.

"Let go of it." i said.

"Eeeh, ok." suddenly the cup fell to the floor.

"Whooaaa, that is so freaking awesome!" i picked up the cup again and put it in her hoof, this time it stayed.

"Now drop it." The cup fell again.

"Hehehe! that is so cool, how do you do it?"

"I... i don't know, it's just natural, i guess." she picked up the cup again.

"I really gotta find out how that works, i bet it's some natural magic thing you ponies have." i picked the cup from her hand and put it on the desk.

"Is there anything else you need?"

"Yes, is there a way to transfer magic from one gem to the other?"

"That i know, a simple transferring spell, how many gems do you need?"

"Uuuh.. about two hundred, maybe more," i scooted over to a box and opened it up, it was filled with gems.

Starlight's jaw almost hit the floor, "t-two hundred?" she stuttered.

"Yes, i need two hundred gems highly loaded with magic."

"B-but that will take hours!" she exclaimed.

"We have all night, might as well start." i picked up a gem and tossed it to her, i squeed with delight when she caught it in her  hoof. "That is so awesome!"

Starlight sighed, "It's gonna be a loong night."

One long night later.

Morning came as Starlight and i finished loading the last gem with a high concentration of magic, we were sitting in the workshop... on the floor, half asleep.

"I think i pulled a muscle in my horn." Starlight said, exhausted, her eyelids half closed.

"You silly, there are no muscles in your horn." i answered, my head leaning against the wall.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a metal flask, i flipped the lid off and brought the flask to my mouth.

In this flask i had mixed all the booze from the cabinet that i liked, somehow i must have done something right because it tasted like heaven.

"Aaaah... that's the good stuff," i said as i had finished the bottle, all of it... in one sweep.

"Are you ok?" Starlight asked when she saw the smile appearing on my face a few minutes later.

"Yeah... everything is just fucking great, i am stuck in a world where talking ponies, magic and the possibility of dismemberment is common as dirt. You know, I never asked for this shit, i want to file a complaint to the fucker who put me here!!" i thought back to the envelope and the book i had found in the chest.

"Fucking Star Swirl, if i ever find that piece of shit then i'm gonna gouge out his eyes and skull fuck him with a cactus!" i threw my arms around, leaned a bit too much to the left and promptly fell on the floor face first.

Starlight couldn't stop laughing, "You stupid, Star Swirl lived hundreds of years ago, he couldn't possibly have something to do with you being here."

"Oh yeah? How you explain... THIS!" i pulled out the book from another pocket, i have no idea how i could fit all these things into these pockets and i honestly didn't care, i'm drunk! You don't need an excuse when you are drunk!

"Hold on, let me see that." she said, immediately interested in what i was holding.

I felt the book falling out of my grasp as Starlight used her horn to bring the book to her.

"Hold on there just a minute!" i tried sitting up and move towards her but the laws of heavy drinking caught me and pushed me down to the floor.

"This isn't right, this book obviously has a spell on it." she said as she held the book in her hoofs. Her horn suddenly lit again and the book started glowing.

She opened the book and read it's content, "this is a research journal... this contains every drop of Star Swirls studies!" she looked at me with amazement in her eyes, "Where did you get this?"

"Tartarus," i said as i managed to sit up against the wall again.

"Amazing, this book holds everything," she flipped through the pages, "everything Star Swirl made, this book contains over 200 spells and several other scientific studies."

"Beautiful, if only i could read it!" i exclaimed in a 'woe is me' kind of way.

"Actually, the spell i threw on it was a simple activation spell, the book has a natural enchantment that translates the text to a language of whoever is reading it can understand."

"Really?" i reached out my hand and gestured for her to give me the book. Her horn lit up and the book fell into my hand. I opened the book and was surprised to see that the gibberish moon-speak had been translated into perfect English.

I gave a low whistle, "impressive," i flipped through the pages, "okay so now that i understand this i might actually be able to use it." i closed the book and put it back in my pocket for later analysis.

"So... wanna get up from the floor and go to bed?" Starlight asked me.

"Hmmm... why not?" i managed to get to my knees and started slowly crawling to the door, "Now i understand how you ponies have it," i slurred as i made it halfway across the room and then collapsed on the floor, the world spinning wildly around me.

"H... help." i said, Starlight's laughter was the last thing i remembered hearing before everything wen't black.