WARNING! This chapter makes too much damn sense! It will be a bit weak but that is how stories work. Some parts great, some not so.

”What is it?” This better be worth the time because I... what.

Inside the room is... a girl? A human girl. Why is there a human girl in his dreams? Long chocolate brown hair, green eyes, lightly tanned skin, and a simple white gown. Oookay.

“Ooooh. She’s pretty!” Says Pinkie, smiling brightly towards the girl. “What’s your name?”

The girl says nothing, she just stands there staring holes in the wall. And I mean it, the thing was smoldering. Pinkie walks up to the girl and starts inspecting her, poking and tugging, trying to get a reaction.

She is just sitting there, not moving, until Pinkie pulls her knickers off from underneath. This of course leads to a reaction as she pulls a violin out of nowhere and starts tearing at it while screaming.

The scream tears at the air and fudge around us, the walls falling down revealing Skyla still sitting in one spot, Luna doing things a pink-maned Celestia and enjoying it a bit too much, and a giant Squishy and a human-faced Twilight Sparkle. All of us are thrown back by the force of the scream, all except Squishy who just broke down in a fit of tears. The noise turns into a rainbow of food and popcorn before a blinding white.

We wake up.

^\/^\/^\/^

*Yawn* Ahh, another beautiful morning in... a cage. Why am I in a cage? Have I been kidnapped? Oh fuck, have I been turned into a hostage held against my own will for the sake of some dildos?

Wait, this room... Oh. It’s Luna’s room. I’m in Equestria. Holy shit. I’m in Equestria! Holy shit... All my friends... family... all that homework I could never be fucked doing...

I’m in Equestria. At the cost of my life. The cost of all my friends, Max, Eli, Taran, Cody; no wait, fuck Cody. Fucking prick. My family... yea, no great loss there. The only one I cared about was dad. Oh shit. He’s gonna be heartbroken. Literally, he’s gonna get a heart attack from me disappearing. Well that sums up family then.

My wholesome future as a author... Wait, that remains the same. If I don’t get mooned anytime soon.

I’m in Equestria, surrounded by talking made-up ponies, with the possible aspect of never getting home. Well, I don’t know that for sure, but after reading all those fics, probably.

Equestria, ponies, home gone, Equestria, ponies, home gone. Heh. Hehehe. Hahaha... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... BUHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!

“Hmm? What is that noise?” Asks a suddenly awakened Luna.

{You know what? Fuck it. ALL THIS IS NOW IN PAST TENSE! I can’t keep up this shit anymore. Except for thoughts, but those will be now covered by these things >}{Does anyone even know what they are for? I should probably know but, hey I’m lazy. Right, only for thoughts from here on out}

She dragged herself from the bed and walked over to my cage, while I continue to laugh like a madman.

“Ahh Squishy! It is nice to see you have awoken!” She said as she gazed into the cage. “And in such a happy mood! I wonder if you will speak again...”

I can’t help but laugh at the princess. Just looking at her sets me off even more, my self control gone beyond saving.

{I’ve gone mad! I’ve completely lost it. I can’t stop laughing! Will I ever be able to stop? Fuck if I care, this is fun! Ponies, why?}

Luna herself started chuckling along before glancing at a clock. “Oh no. I’ve got to lower the moon in five minutes! I’ll see you later, Squishy!” With that she galloped out the door and leaving me to laugh away my pain.

^\/^\/^\/^

Back in Ponyville, Pinkie Pie was waking up from the weirdest night she had yet to experience. At least now the repeating Pinkie sense had gone, leaving her able to roam without leaving puddles.

Pinkie did a spinning backflip-motocross jump out of bed and landed without a single noise, when something landed on her head. She reached up and plucked it off to find it was a rainbow slinky. It seemed very familiar, but was most likely something she picked up yesterday.

Pinkie tossed it aside for later before making her way downstairs for her job opening the Sugar Cube Corner store below her.

{Shit.}

^\/^\/^\/^

Celestia was starting to worry about the lateness of her sister when she heard clopping coming from down the hall. Luna came racing up to her sister with moments to spare.

“Good timing, Luna, now let’s get this over with.” They over to a set of doors that had extremely detailed picture of the sun and moon, each with a barely visible hole for their horns. Their power surged through the doors, causing the sun and moon pictures to start spinning as the doors opened.

Inside was a marvelous sight. The entire solar system sat before them, floating around the secret room. Each of the princesses picked up a stick that sat by the door and started poking the sun and moon into the positions that they wanted them to be in twenty four hours.

“So,” Celestia asked while she poked, “How goes the new pet?”

“Oh, he’s quite nice. He still hasn’t talked since yesterday and has quite the strangest dreams; also he woke up this morning laughing like crazy. He’s fun to be around.”

Celestia was a bit worried by this news of laughter, but simply put it aside. There was, however, something else that was bothering here. The creature was somehow familiar, the presence of power that doesn’t come from magic, but from fearlessness and the courage to do what was needed.

The sun princess paused in her movements to think about this a bit more.

^\/^\/^\/^

Meanwhile on one part of the Equis ocean, a blue llama was sitting on the last remains of an iceberg, only just staying afloat when the sun stopped moving. It was those few moments that the sun melted the last of the iceberg and he fell into the freezing ocean to slowly drown in the cold.

^\/^\/^\/^

Celestia quickly snapped back to attention and poked the sun some more, setting it in place. She would inquire about the creature later.

The princesses set the sticks down where they once were and left the solar system room.

“Okay, off to play with my new Squishy!”

“Okay, sister. Just be careful with it, alright?”

“Sure thing! Bye, dearest sister!”

^V^V^V^

{Fuck, I really have to go to the bathroom.

...come on, where is she? It can’t be that hard to lower and raise planets!

Bathroom, bathroom, bathroom, bathroom, bathroom, bathroom, bathroom..!

Oh, fucking finally!}

“Hey there little Squishy!” She calls out, coming in from the door.
{Let me out.}

“How are you feeling?” She turns to me and cocks her head slightly.

{Like shit, truth be told.

I really want to enjoy this, I really do. I mean, I’M IN EQUESTRIA! But being locked up in a shitty little cage (that’s just fucking wonderful, by the way) while they talk like I have the IQ of a table isn’t really helping my cause...

My little insanity trip doesn’t help my cause either. That’s just perfect, going crazy in the land of the mad.

Oh, she’s talking. Zoned out, I guess.}

“Come on, Squishy, can’t you do anything?” She gets closer to the cage with an innocent expression.

I know just the thing for that.

“Yeah, I can pee standing up.”

Luna’s face froze for a few seconds, before total outrage took hold.

“THOU ART SPEAKEST AGAINST THY COMMAND!? I RULE OVER YOU, HUMBLE SQUISHY, AND IF YOU WISH TO RELAY YOUR OPINION AGAINST THY WILL, YOU HAST-...”

I never thought the ‘Royal Canterlot Voice’ could actually be any louder than what I thought before, but... oh dear, there goes my clean pair of pants.

^\/^\/^\/^

After about ten minutes of verbal abuse, Luna finally managed to calm down and started to talk.

“How long has thou been able to communicate in a civilised manner?”

“Since I got here, but due to rib breakage, your game of toss-the-human, and child-birth, I never really got a chance to say much.”

“Ahh, I see how that may have been a problem. So I take it your name must be Human then?”

“What? No, it’s-...” McAwesome-o. Nope, that sucks. What was my name again...? Oh, right. That... “Eh, you can call me ‘Squishy’ or something.”

Luna laughed and giddied with glee. “Oh, happy days, I guess I have my very own talking pet!”

This displeases me. “Umm, pet? You can’t be serious. Right?”

“But of course! After all, I brought you here!”

{So she brought me here. Well ain’t this just grand.}

“So, now you’re the only Squishy on Equestria!”

{AND I’m probably going to die alone here. Surrounded by ponies. Lots of ponies. And a slinky. Oh, wait, where did that little bitch go..?}

“Look, as much as I appreciate being here with all you cuddly little bunches of joy, I’d rather like to go home.”

Luna gave her best at a poker face, and glanced around. “Erm, yes. Sending you home... Would you happen to... um... know where that is...?”

“Well how’d you find me?”

“Ah, yes, about that... can’t really get into detail, because I’m not completely sure how I did it either.”

{Well, shit.}

“So... do you know any more tricks?”

^V^V^V^

Behind a couch. My fate is to be stuck behind a couch. How did I even get here? No doubt that pink pile of ass-turds had something to do about it.

Now what am I going to do? Sit around here till the world rots? Where’s that bastard that owes me 50 dollars? That bitch better pay up...

Frankly, I really don’t enjoy this dusty, dank, party poop covered, back of sofa. Hopefully some hero that isn’t on his way to insanity will save me! Oh. I get a lizard.

“Oh hello there. It seems I may have found an intellectual being in the form of compressed oil to form the shape of a household toy formally named: ‘slinky’.”

It’s a talking lizard... Okay, let’s give Spidermare a ring.

Author's Note

DISCLAIMER: All these ponies, Dick-waffles, and authors do not belong to Tim. They now belong to me, the great and powerful DuBrony! (Ok, so they belong to their respectful owners. Sue me.)

That's right folks! I now have a co-author! He's cool, but he lives in a closet. Seriously. Dude's the American Harry Potter. Anyway, sorry if this chapter seems weak. I wanted to get it done before school starts (Which it hasn't for me yet, but it starts on Monday). So I will continue to try and write whenever I can but till then, be patient. Or go read something else, it's not like there isn't something else to read on this site...

I'm waffling. Anyway, bye for now!

Go check out DuBrony. He's... that.