The Problem of Other Sapients, Memoirs of a Man

The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse.

-Edmund Burke

"For the Lady's sake, you must awake!" said Zecora.

"Graah," I mumbled in a manner closely resembling that of a zombie. "What are the side effects of that potion?"

"The princesses will be here soon, I don't have time to feed you with a spoon!"

"The princesses? Why are they coming now? I'm in the worst shape of my life!," I replied.

She darted about tidying up her hut. She gave me more medicine and a glass of water. Both were greatly appreciated.

"Man, I must look like a mess," I said after drinking both the medicine and the water. There was a knocking on the door. "Well, that's... convenient."

"Come in, my friends," Zecora said.

In came Twilight, and two ponies that I presumed were the princesses. They were larger than the other ponies, the white one (obviously Celestia) considerably more so.

"I apologize for my appearance. Had I known that I would be acting as defacto ambassador of the human race this early, I might of gotten up sooner," I said.

"I know of the dire circumstances that have befallen you. There is no reason to apologize," Celestia replied.

"As rulers of Equestria, we welcome you to our great nation," Luna chimed.

I needed to remain calm. I was representing my race to the rulers after all. No pressure or anything.

"I assume that you are the heads of state?" I asked.

"And of government," Celestia replied.

"I thought so, but I needed to be sure," I said.

"Josh, can I take the samples now?" Twilight asked.

"Of course,"I replied.

She beamed at me, pulling out medical supplies. I was beginning to become a bit uneasy, she wasn't a trained medical professional (I think). Actually, she knew little of human anatomy. She could poke around twenty times before finding a vein.

Twilight spoke, "Where do humans usually have their blood drawn from?" Good, she thought of that.

"Inside the elbow. There's a fairly exposed vein there," I replied.

"I don't want to hurt you more..."

"It's ok, I'm hyped up on painkillers. I won't feel a thing." I hope.

It did take three tries before she got it, but that was better than I expected. I really didn't feel it, which might be the primary reason it went so well. Zecora bandaged my arm a bit to stop the bleeding.

"So, tell me about your realm," spoke Celestia, breaking the rather thick layer of ice.

"It's... very different, I must say. For one thing, there are no magical forests," I said.

"I hear there's no magic at all," Celestia replied.

"True," I said. "I assume that Twilight told her what she knows."

"Yes, she did, but I am curious, who are the rulers of your people?"

"Theoretically, the people themselves."

"Really?" asked Luna.

"Things aren't always that simple, but yes. That's the theory, anyway."

"How so?"

"It's a representative system. You vote for someone with a similar political platform, and he represents your state, essentially an arbitrary area of land. There are two houses in which you can be represented..." and so I explained the American political system to them.

~~~===***===~~~

"You humans are odd," said Luna.

"Indeed. Honestly, we need a better system of government. Ours is too..." I trailed off, trying to find the word I was looking for.

Before I could continue, an urgent problem came to my attention. I needed to take a leak. Badly. Honestly, I'm surprised I haven't needed to yet.

"Is there anything else you would like to know?" I asked in a futile attempt to hasten their departure.

"Twilight here will certainly want another interview, but that will do for now," Celestia said. "Goodbye."

"Farewell," said Luna, as they walked out the door.

"There's so much I need to know!" Twilight squee'd.

"Actually, I need to... relieve myself. Zecora, is there any way to get some privacy?" I asked.

"I could levitate you," said Twilight.

Oh dear God.

"That wo-" I was stopped by my bladder. "If you can, go ahead. As many objections as I have to this plan, it's better than the alternative."

So she levitated me outside. I was floating about half a foot off the ground.

"Upright and facing away from you, please," I said.

After that awkwardness (my God, that was probably the third worst experience in my life) she floated me back onto my mat.

"So tell me, why do you have such an inefficient government?" Twilight asked me.

"To let the common man have a voice. Admittedly, we do a bad job of it sometimes, but it's better than it used to be."

"You could switch to an Equestrian system."

"Absolute rulers? No thanks, I like my freedom."

"Freedom and autocracy are not mutually exclusive."

"That is true. History, however, has shown that autocrats begin to care less and less for the people as time goes on, eventually trampling upon the populace."

"Who would do such a thing?"

"Anyone, if no one was their to stop them. Even if they don't infringe on the rights of the people, there's always the potential for abuse. After all, our benevolent king's son could be a tyrant once he takes the throne."

"Why don't you just... Oh," she said.

"Exactly. No magic means that our rulers are mortal and will pass on their titles to an heir. An heir which isn't as good as the old king."

"I can see why such an odd system would be put into place them. Surely though, you would prefer an immortal ruler."

"As if! Many humans, especially those of my country, has a deep distrust of absolute rulers, myself included."

"Why?"

"There's a saying that best sums up my culture's view on dictatorships: Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely."

"That's absurd! With that mentality, nopony is deserving of any power!"

"The idea of democracy is to give everyone equal power. That way, the bad do not become monarchs."

"But the good can't rule either! That doesn't do anypony good!"

"But it doesn't do bad either. We have successfully diminished the risk at the cost of few rewards."

"It's better for society to have a benevolent autocrat than a democracy. Democracy is inefficient and destroys the good in society, even as is destroys the bad. There's no sense in it!"

"Since when do people make sense? We are not rational beings, we are emotional ones. Logic means nothing to a strong heart and firm convictions. Is it not the same with ponies?"

"... It is," she reluctantly replied.

"Perhaps we are not battling wits, but rather clashing convictions to see whose are stronger."

She pursed her lips at this.

"You are convinced that autocracy is a good thing, because you have a benevolent system. I am convinced of the opposite, because autocrats on my world were apathetic or even malevolent. To each of us, history proves our side correct. Either way, I have thoroughly enjoyed this conversation."

"But-"

"No," I interrupted. "You are getting too worked up about it. Bad debates happen when one side gets angry at the other."

She nodded.

"Good."

Zecora decided to trot in then.

"You can stay for brunch. There's plenty to munch," she said to Twilight.

She was about to protest that it wasn't necessary, when her stomach growled.

"Hehe..." she blushed.

"If you're good, you can give him food," she said, indicating me.

I glared at her in mock annoyance.

She laughed. I quickly joined in.