The Problem of Other Sapients, Memoirs of a Man

Obscenity is whatever happens to shock some elderly and ignorant magistrate.

• Bertrand Russel

The days and weeks towards recovery passed in a perpetual state of semi-boredom. I was never short on reading materials, as Twilight evidently ran a library. She would bring books to me, and I would read them, but at the same time, I could do little save read. Occasionally, she or one of her friends would drop by, and we'd have a pleasant conversation, usually about some inconsequential subject such as the weather outside, or something more serious, such as the fact that the weather outside of the forest was generally controlled by pegasai.

This alarmed me at first, but I quickly realized that it meant less than I expected, as having sun all the time was bad for crops and the like, meaning that variations in the weather were essential. They were controlled and carefully calculated variations, but variations nonetheless. Something that did intrigue me was the progression of seasons, unchanged from my world and uncontrollable by the ponies. At least some things were the same as back home.

After nearly two months of herbal treatment and grueling physical therapy, I managed to hobble around the small hut by holding onto the walls. I still couldn't walk properly even though the wound had sealed up, a testament to the muscle damage the bite had caused. My arm was usable, but it was painful to move my wrist any great amounts. A simple cane was fashioned for me, and I began to master the art of walking without using my left leg.

I emerged from the hut for the first time in ten weeks, resolving to walk a few hundred yards. I failed miserably, but my resolve did not, and within a few more weeks, I was able to walk great distances when using a cane.

Visits from one of the ponies grew infrequent, to the point of only Fluttershy or Twilight visiting me with any regularity, Fluttershy to check on my recovery and Twilight to give me new books and take old ones. Neither came for two weeks, and I began to grow worried. My fears were unfounded, certainly. Most likely  life had simply caught up with them and they were too busy to come. The truth, while not far off, was much more complicated.

These complexities were revealed to me in great detail when they next came, with the others in tow. They also had several ponies donning greco-roman armor guarding them.

Twilight now possessed a pair if wings, which indicated that she was next in line, or rather, second, after Princess Luna.

Her guards eyed me nervously. I was much taller than them, and I carried a cane, an effective weapon in a pinch. I had no intention of harming them, of course, but they didn't know that and they likely wouldn't have taken my word for it anyway.

"Congrats," I said. "I don't suppose debating government with a princess would be a good idea?" I asked.

Twilight chuckled. The guards carried a collective expression of 'we are not amused.'

"There is some business to attend to," Twilight said.

"Oh?"

"I am here to escort you to Canterlot."

I facepalmed at the name.

"What was tha-"

"It's nothing, just... it's a cultural thing. Long story, don't ask."

"Ah. So..." she trailed off.

"Do I have a choice?" I asked.

"Not really," she said apologetically.

I sighed. "When are we leaving, then?"

"I'll be back this evening. Before I go, do you have those library books?"

"Yeah."

I hobbled back into the cottage to retrieve them. I handed them to Twilight.

"You're a princess now, why do you need the books?" I asked.

"Just giving them to the new librarian. I've moved to Canterlot."

"Ah. So, why am I going to Canterlot?"

"There is a diplomatic summit to introduce me. Celestia thought that it would be a good time to introduce you, too."

"Makes more sense than anything else that's happened here."

She seemed a bit put off by those words. I don't blame her.

She departed, saying she'd be back in a few hours.

~~~===***===~~~

It had been a long time since I had a proper cleaning. Oh sure, I had a few sponge baths and the like, but sitting in the river felt good. The grime that had collected over the last few months was washed away, and Zecora's soap left me feeling the cleanest since I arrived here.

My clothes were also washed. Three months can do a number on them, even if they were washed fairly regularly. I desperately needed some new ones.

Twilight flew in by chariot, drawn by the burly guards.

"Are you sure this is safe?" I asked her, getting in the chariot.

"It's fine."

"If you say so."

The next half-hour or so can best be described as the most terrifying experience of my life. What idiot decided that a Greek chariot would make a good air transportation vehicle?

It also occurred to me that the guards were the first male ponies I had seen. It's amazing what you notice when you're about to die.

Nonetheless, we arrived safely.

"My God," was all I could say as I attempted to leave the chariot. It's a bit difficult to ride in those things with only one working leg.

"Are all humans this afraid of heights?" Twilight asked.

"It's not the heights, it's the thousand foot drop that scares me," I replied. "And no, we are not all scared of heights,  but is it one if the more common phobias."

"I see," she replied.

We walked for several minutes in silence.

I finally broke the ice by asking for more specifics on the meeting.

"You'll see in a second," she responded.

A lot of good that did me.

~~~===***===~~~

We finally arrived at our destination, about time too, it is quite difficult to walk for that long with a cane and one working leg.

"We're here," Twilight said.

"Oh thank God."

"Are you tired already?"

"One leg," I reminded her.

"Hmm. Anyways," she said, opening the  massive double doors, " Welcome to Canterlot!"

Before me was a massive table covered in various foods and drinks. Sitting in the chairs were Twilight's friends, the Princesses, and two ponies I presumed were Cadance and Shining Armor.

I had a lot of time to read up on events both current and ancient. Court politics are much more interesting than they are made out to be.

As soon as I walked in, all heads turned to Twilight and I.

I started leaning on my cane in an effort to make me seem less hostile.

"Hi Josh!" called Pinkie cheerfully. Everyone else stayed silent.

Celestia finally spoke up, "Welcome."

"I, uh, apologize for my appearance. These are the only clothes I... have," I stammered.

"Oh, darling, don't worry about it, I plan on making you new ones," said Rarity.

"Ah. Good, then."

"Josh," Twilight said, "I would like to introduce you to my brother, Shining Armor, and his wife Princess Cadance," Twilight said.

"Good evening," I said.

"Welcome to Canterlot," Cadance said.

Shining merely nodded while eyeing me warily. While I was somewhat offended by this, I really couldn't blame him.

"Josh, sit by me!" Pinkie called, gesturing to an empty seat beside her.

I sat down by her, Rainbow being unsubtle that it was a bad deal, but if there's one thing I enjoy, it's turning bad circumstances into something hilarious or not quite as bad.

Quite being the operative word.

The meal was good enough, I didn't eat as much as I normally would have. Some of it was nervousness, of course, but most of it was grass.

Both the food and the reason I didn't eat.

The bread and pastries, both of which I consumed quite a bit of, were delicious, as were the fruits.

The salads were... salads, bland but not terrible.

I waited expectantly for the main course, and all I got was dessert.

"Is it normal to eat dessert first here?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" Asked Twilight.

"Well, there was no-"

And then it hit me. They were herbivores.

"Nevermind," I said.

"What is it?" Twilight pressed.

"You don't want to know."

"Why do you say that?"

"It will disgust you."

"What is it?"

"In my society, it isn't a meal without..."

"What?!"

"... Meat."

She was completely taken aback by this response. Most of the ponies were aghast at my utterance, and Shining drew a sword concealed within his armor.

Celestia spoke, "That's enough. Prince, stand down."

He had no intention of the sort and began moving towards me.

I sprung out of my chair as quickly as I could, considering my leg, and backpedaled as much as the nearby wall would allow.

"Stand down," Celestia repeated.

"He is a monster, and needs to be-"

"I ORDER YOU TO STAND DOWN THIS INSTANT," Celestia boomed.

That did the trick. My ears were ringing, but it could have gone worse. I could be dead.

"That was uncalled for. Other species on this planet eat meat, and you do not purge them."

"He is unnatural. You saw the results if the blood tests," Shining said.

"Hold on, you say that my blood isn't natural?" I asked. "Wait, are these tests conducted on the two month old blood?"

"They weren't two months old at the time, but yes," Twilight said.

"What are these so-called "unnatural" results?" I inquired.

"You have about 1000 thaumoceptors per cc of blood," she said.

"Meaning...?"

"Magical energy is generally measured in thaumorecs per cc."

"So that's... Good, right?"

"Not even close. Unicorns have three billion per cc."

The sheer scale difference was astounding,

"Three billion? Three billion? My God."

"Most sentient creatures have two point five billion. Powerful unicorns and other powerful magic users have been know to get all the way up to three and one-half billion," she said.

I was, quite frankly, awestruck.

"What does this mean, exactly?" I asked.

The average small flower has more magical potential than you," she stated matter-of-factly.

I slowly sat back down into my chair and began to eat the cake before me. All eyes were on me for several minutes as I ate the cake.

"For God's sake!" I yelled, storming out if the dining hall.

Not my greatest plan, but hey, at least I'm not dead.

Why do I get the terrible feeling that I will be saying that a lot?