Cole opened his eyes, the world around him giving off hazy afterimages.

'Cole...Cole can you hear me?' A distant voice asked.

"Um, yeah...unfortunately." Cole grumbled

'Hey bro, don't be a dick!' The voice yelled.

"AGH!" Cole screamed as he gripped his head,"The fuck was that for?!"

"For being an asshat. Now, calm the fuck down or I wreck your shit." The Voice said in his ear.

"Holy shit!" Cole jumped and looked at the person speaking to him,"Who are you? And where did you get that badass hair?"

"Jesus Christ. And at a barber shop in Hollywood." Jesus replied

"So...why am I here?"

"You stabbed the future you A.K.A. 'Kessler' in the brain with four billion volts of electricity need I say more?"

"...Uh...yeah?"

"No dumbass, the correct answer was 'I understand completely Jesus' but I guess you can't have your bread and eat it too."

"It's cake."

"What?"

"It's 'you can't have your cake and eat it too' you said bread."

"Hey Cole? H-hey Cole?" Jesus pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fuck you, m'kay?"

"Just sayin'"

"Yeah whatever..." Jesus sighed and looked at his bare wrist. "Oh wow we are really late!"

"You're not even wearing a watch!"

"Says who?!"

"Me." Jesus grins as he reaches his hand forward, a crude watch drawn on his wrist in black sharpie. "It's just drawn on the-" Cole stops as he watches the minute hand move. "D-did it just-"

"Yep."

"Bull...Shit!"

"Nope I shit you not."

"Badass bro. Bad. Ass." Jesus chuckles at Cole's remark.

"True but, back to business." He sighs, cracking his knuckles. Jesus swings his hands around and conjures a scroll out of thin air and begins to read. "So...apparently by killing your future self you ripped Time a new asshole and raped Logic so now they have decided to press charges...yada yada yada...Another Dimension will be your new home...blah blah blah...If you decline your soul will be trapped in Purgatory for all eternity...yeah...m'kay...Okay...Alrighty then!" Hey says looking up from the parchment. Taking a deep breath, he says, "Just sign... herehereherehereherehere and... here!" Cole doesn't say a word, the amount of monotonous paperwork had rendered him completely stupid.

"Jiggasaywhonow?"Cole stammered. Jesus sighed.

"Fuck it." he says as he swipes Cole's forehead a bead of blood on his fingernail. "Now remember-"

"Why the hell did you do that?!?" Cole says wiping off his forehead.

"OI! Shut the fuck up when grown folks talkin'!" Jesus says, "Now remember always keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times."

"...What?"

"Ha! That's funny. You really thought I was gonna give you a choice didn'tcha?" Jesus says as a wooden chair forces Cole to sit before having chains magically tied around him.

"Hey! What the fuck?"

"Please do not bring any food, drinks, or bitches on this ride. Failure to follow these rules will result in extreme pain and embarrassment when I pop outta nowhere and say 'I told ya so'. Now please enjoy the Fuck You Express. But, one last question before you go."

"What?" Cole asks exasperatedly, mentally tired of this shit.

"Are you a bitch that likes bananas?"

"Uh..."

"I'll ask again, are you," he says pointing at Cole, "a bitch that likes bananas?"

"No...?"

"WELL YOU AIN'T GONNA FIND 'EM ON THE MOOOOOON!!!" He exclaims kicking Cole down a dark tunnel,"BEEEEYAAATCH!!!"

Author's Note

Random I know Oh, and here's Jesus