Looking Back

Twilight,

I suppose you meant nothing by your letter, but surly you can see how it would offend.

How could I have moved past it so easily?

I never moved past it. I spend every day wishing Fluttershy were one of us. I frequently find myself reflecting on her death, writing her name in the swirls of the water and in the glass of store shops. After the funeral, I went and found the bear. I wanted so badly to turn him into a fish and serve him to a seagull. But that wouldn't have been what Fluttershy would have wanted. So I put him to sleep, and mended a bone in his leg that had healed improperly when it broke. It's likely what had lead him to do what he did to her.

I understand also why you would ask about that stallion. I remember it well, he spoke to me more than once, but I suspect you are asking about the last time he did.

I told him the truth. I wanted to create chaos in Celestia's court, and I did. It was rather enjoyable, even if I'm not supposed to enjoy evil anymore. But I do feel remorse for his passing, and I do know that it was my fault.

I told him where Startswirl's old hovel was, deep in the Everfree forest. I wanted him to find the answer, and bring it back to Celestia. I didn't want him to die, that wasn't my plan at all. He spoke to me every morning, and while it was often boring, it was better than the silence I often was treated to before and after him.

But I also know that it wasn't me that sent him into that forest. That no matter what I had done, he would have found the location eventually, and there was nothing I could do to prevent that.

And that is something you must learn. What happened to Pinkie Pie was tragic. Truly, I miss the random insanity she brought into her own corner of the world. I would often watch her to see what she would do. But along with that came something that would never let her telling herself that none of you really loved her. That's who she was, a pain hidden deep down behind her laughter. But she knows better now, I suppose. And she wouldn't want you to pain in the way that you do.

You should know something else. Better than any of us, you know what friendship is. Can you actually say that everything that you went through, all the pain of losing your friends, wasn't worth the memories, the good times? I should hope not. I would never trade my friendship with Fluttershy simply to end the pain I feel from her absence. That is more chaos than even I can bear.

I doubt this will help much, but maybe you should look into an old ponies' tale that's almost as old as Princess Celestia. It might help. The Blackhoof heart.

Yours for eternity,

Discord.