A ruined Vacation

Wilhelm ran down the road as his arms pumped through the air like pistons and with a feeling of joy that infused his whole being "So this is what it's like to exist, can't say it's bad..." he brought a hand up and examined it with his sparkling green eyes for a moment as he ran, "No, not yet anyways." He grinned from ear to ear as he got closer to the center of town. "This is going to be great!" He shouted as he ran, "I can cause all the excitement and sow all the fun I want!" He hopped up and tapped his heels together.

"Hey Kit, wait up!" Wilhelm looked over his shoulder to see the group of ponies that were running to catch up to him, his grin widened as he ran even faster and turned down a side street. "Oh come on!" he hear the rainbow colored on yell in frustration, he giggled.

"This is going to be fun!" he said to himself quietly, "I wonder if they have hide and seek here?" as he disappeared into an alley way and watched the street he just left, after a minute his "entourage" ran past while they shouted for him. He giggled again as he mumbled "I told me it would be fun!" He poked his head out of the alley way and saw the pink pony's rear disappear around a corner, then he strutted out onto the street and whistled "Don't Worry, Be Happy" as he wandered back down the main road. After a few minutes he spotted a building that looked like it was made of ginger bread, "That looks delicious!" he said to himself as he changed course to "delicious".

He walked up the the building and, without stopping or slowing down, chomped on one of the pillars just outside the door. after a moment a look of confusion crossed his face "bif ifn't fandy..." he mumbled through the pillar, after a few more attempts at chewing he gave up and let go. "That sucks... but now I want sweet goods..." he said to himself sadly, then he walked up to the door.

When his hand reached the door handle he heard a faint voice say "Wait... isn't that him at your house, Pinky?" He walked inside like he hadn't heard anything, and was greeted by a bakery of lavish design.

"Huh, And here I was, about to ask them where the bakery was..." Wilhelm mumbled to himself as he made his way to the counter and greeted the stallion standing there. "Nice day for some baked goods, isn't it?" he said to the stallion as he leaned on the counter.

The stallion looked at him with an amused expression on his face as he said "Everyday is a nice day of Cake baked goods, what can I get yah?"

Wilhelm looked over the selection of fine baked goods for a moment before deciding on a delicious looking cake, "that one!" he said as he plastered his face to the glass like a three year old.

The stallion chuckled as he said "Okay, that will be fifty bits please." Wilhelm gave him a funny look, the rummaged through his pockets. After a moment he produced a fair sized bag that clinked and jingled loudly as he set it on the counter.

"That should cover the expenses, and keep the change." Wilhelm said with at nod as the stallion's jaw hit the floor, then he added "Oh yes, I was told by a miss "Pinky Pie" to meet her out behind the store, may I use the back door?"

"I... I can't accept this, It's way too much..." The stallion said quietly as he stared at the bag.

"Oh trust me, you'll probably need it..." Wilhelm said cryptically, "Or not," he added with a shrug "It's not like I'm psychic... Oh yes, The back door?" The stallion just pointed with his hoof as he stared at the bag longer and mumbled a thanks. Wilhelm whistled to himself again as he picked up his cake and made his way to the back of the store.

|*|

Mr. Cake didn't know what to do with the bag of Bits on his counter, I can't believe that he... i think it was a he... did that...Mr. Cake thought to himself as he said "I must thank him properly!" then he hopped out of his chair, then the front door opened and Pinky walked in. "Oh hello, Pinky, I was just going to thank your friend of his generosity!" Mr.Cake said as he gestured to the bag of bits on the counter, "He just up and gave them to us for no apparent reason!" He was grinning from ear to ear as he hopped a little in place, then he noticed that Pinky's friend were standing behind her.

"Oh really? That's great! Maybe you and Mrs. Cake can go to Manehatten like you always wanted?!" Pinky said as she jumped in the air happily; then she stopped mid-air, dropped to the the ground and said with a tilt of her head "Wait... which friend?"

"Tall, pale, brown mane, grinning like a mad pony." Mr. Cake made the appropriate gestures as he told her, Pinky giggling as he did.

"You should do that more, It's funny!" Pinky said when he finished.

"Mr. Cake, we really need to know where he is, he maybe hurt." Twilight said as she poked her head out from behind Pinky.

Mr. Cake thought back to his encounter and said "He didn't seem injured at all, but he said he'd be waiting for Pinky out back; He used the back door and everything." He pointed back to the kitchen. Twilight gave him her thanks as they all walked to the kitchen and out the back door.

Mr. Cake scratched his chin for a moment before turning to the bag on the counter and opening it, and then he smiled happily as he poured the bits, and nothing but bits, on the counter to count them. "I see your enjoying yourself." a voice behind him said. He turned his head and saw the generous customer from before.

"Are you really sure you don't need this, there must be a thousand bits here!" Mr. Cake said to his new found friend loudly, to which his friend put a finger to his lips and shushed Mr. Cake.

"Nope, don't need them at all..." The Tall one said quietly as he shrugged, "and you have a wife to show the world!" he added with a flourish, then said "Well, Time for me too be off." he finished with a wave as he walked out the front door.

Mr. Cake waved to him as he left, then he paused and said "Wait... Wasn't he supposed to be out in the back yard?" as an irritated yell erupted from the back. "Oh... I see..." Mr. Cake said as he returned to the bits and smiled as he thought of his new upcoming vacation with his wife.

|*|

Wilhelm smiled again as he walked out of the bakery and left the girls none the wiser as he walked down the road once more without a care in the world. He started to tap and act his way along the road in accordance to the tune he had started to hum to himself but was interrupted by certain rude techni-coloured pony, "HEY KIT!" she yelled from above the Bakery, Wilhelm looked up at her mid-rum-igniting-Harpoon toss, "GET BACK HERE!" She said as she flew straight at him with her right foreleg extended.

Wilhelm's eye went the size of dinner plates as the amused look on his face dropped like a brick, "Oh yes... Pegasi and the whole flying thing..." She was already halfway between them when he finished said that, but he stood his ground. When she was less then ten feet away from him he dashed forward and underneath her, and kept running. When he heard a loud yelp behind him he looked over his shoulder and laughed at the scene behind him, Rainbow had crashed into the ground a few behind where he was before and had managed to scare the life out of three fillies. "HA!" He yelled at her as he ran, she turned around and took flight once more.

Wilhelm did the math and noted that she would be on him in seconds; so he made a hard right in the street beside him, right along the wall, and dropped down to lay in a relaxed posture, with his cake resting on his chest. After about two seconds Dash raced by him and kept going down the street at full tilt. He giggled to himself as she shouted "Get back here!", then he stood up and walked down the closest alley so the others wouldn't find him when they walked down that road, he wandered through the alleys for a bit before popping out and seeing the library.

"I'll go pay my feathered friend a visit, see if she's in the mood to talk..." He said as he grinned once more and whistled the "Tales from the Crypt Keeper" theme. When he got to the library he saw that Gilda was still on the ground with a dumb look on her face and stars spinning above her head. He went over and poked her face with a stick, there no response, he shrugged and poked her again, no response again. He threw the stick over his shoulder and said "Not in a talkative mood are you?" as he crouched down by her head, she mumbled something that he didn't understand and shifted a little, one of the stars above her head winked out. "Hmm..." he mumbled as he stared at the stars, "do these actually exist?" he reached out and plucked one from it's orbit. It was shaped like a normal five-pointed star and it felt warm and hard, like a jawbreaker that's been in your back pocket too long... he tossed it in his mouth, then proceeded to wave the air in front of his mouth as he panted "Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!" he sputter loudly as he hopped and spun around in a circle like he was dancing to appease an angry volcano god.

After a minute or so he finally got used to it enough to stop dancing, so he rolled it around in his mouth and noticed that it was still pretty pointy. Then he looked at Gilda once more as he sucked on his new favorite candy and noticed that only two stars remained. "I'd best get out of your hair..." a confused look crossed his face as he thought about that "Feathers... Mane... Plummage?" As he sat there and thought about it he got tackled by a familiar multi-colored streak.

"I've finally got you!" She shouted in triumph as she pinned him to the ground, "You though you could out do me?" then she stuck her nose right in his face, "Fat chance!" she added with a smug grin. Wilhelm just blinked at her lazily as he rolled the star in his smiling mouth.

My, aren't we a narcissistic one? Wilhelm thought to himself, I knew there was a reason I liked you. Then he spat the star at her head. Dash ducked, which was the worst possible way to go because the star took up orbit around the top of her head.

"What th..." she mumbled in confusion as she fell over, Wilhelm pushed her off of him and looked at the dumb expression on her face.

"Oh my, Identical twins!" he said to the two unconscious creatures that were laying beside each other, both sharing the same look on their faces, both having one star above their head. "Oops... been here too long, best be going then." He stated calmly as he plucked both of the stars from above their heads and ran like a bat out of hell down the road, panting past the stars in his mouth.

|*|

Rainbow Dash picked herself up and looked for her target, only to find that Gilda was doing the same thing right beside her. They locked eyes for a moment, before Gilda said "See you later, Dweeb." and took off into the air. Rainbow watched her Ex-friend fly off before she surveyed the area, then caught a glimpse of Twilight as she ran a side street and yelled at something, Dash was off like a bolt of lightning.

After she caught up to her friends, she found that they had surrounded Kit in front of a clothes store. "Well, Hi there!" he said as he extended he hands, palms up, in a show of compliance, "Looks like you caught me... just when I was starting to have fun too..." he added as he sighed mockingly. Rainbow's friends looked at each other with raised eyebrows and looks of confusion, but Rainbow watched him like a hawk, She noticed that his eyes kept flicking from the gap between Apple Jack and Fluttershy, to Dash herself. He grinned like shark and dashed at the gap, she flew to intercept him; but when she heard a loud "Thump" she turned her head, and saw Gilda had Kit pinned.

"Hi, Dweeb, How's it going?" Rainbow heard Gilda say icily as landed close by.

"Oh I can't complain, I love the candies you got me, they are delish!" Kit said before he stuck his tongue out at Gilda, the stars sitting on the end side by side and cover in saliva. He pulled is tongue back in with a ding before saying "Want to try one?"

"First, I have a score to settle with a dweeb that looks just like you." Gilda stated even colder as she brought her face  closer to Kit's.

"Well... If you really liked me so much..." Kit said just before puckering his lips towards her, "You could have just said so!" Gilda recoiled like she had an angry snake just try to bite her face. Kit stood up as she flailed away and dusted himself off, "Really everyone in this place is so forward: First it's Dark one doing the whole mind fuck thing... which sadly isn't literal; then it's the Techni-coloured eyesore mounting me like a horny dog;" Rainbow coughed as she shocked on the spit she had accidently pulled into her lungs from the shocked breath she just took in, "and then it's you, Mouse Breath, doing the exact same thing... You might want to be more original, like... oh I don't know... getting me flowers?" He said with a smug smirk, Gilda had recovered and was looking at him angrily as he waved a hand dismissively in her direction and turned towards Dash as he said "What happened to the Old ways where the path to a man's heart was through his stomach?"

Gilda growled and leapt at him, only to be stopped mid-air by a purple aura as Twilight said "Enough." calmly but firmly to every one on the road. Gilda struggled for a moment before giving up, then Twilight let her down softly, Gilda gave Kit a dirty look but held her ground. Twilight turned to Kit and said "Why?"

Kit gave her a look like he thought she was stupid and said "Because it's fun?" in a confused manner that was also a statement of fact.

"It's fun tormenting those who are trying to befriend you?" Twilight asked she she took a step towards him, with a look of confused irritation on her face.

"Yup!" He stated as he nodded strongly enough to hop in place.

Rainbow couldn't help it anymore, she had to speak "Hey! What's the big idea, huh?" she said as she flew up to his face, "All we are trying to do is to be your friend, what's your problem?" She poked his chest, then poked it again, even harder as she said "Tell me Kit!"

Kit's smile didn't mover as he said "You aren't talking to Kit," and he added with a flourish "You are talking to Wilhelm, The Badass and unstoppable." He finished with a bow.

Everyone on the road exchanged glances of confusion before Fluttershy said quietly "What happened to Kit then?" He looked at he and she squeaked as she hid behind Twilight.

"Oh, him?" He asked carelessly, then with a wave of his hand he added "TKO'd on round one Vs. Mouse Breath."

"So it wasn't Kit who kissed then knocked out Gilda over there?" Rainbow pointed to the now blushing Griffin, "Wilhelm" shook his head, "Wasn't the one who lead us on a wild-goose chase across town?" again a shake, "And didn't knock me out using his spit?" "Wilhelm" laughed loudly as he shook his head.

"Nope, all me!" he said as he rocked on his heels just before dashing down the road once more, only to get hit by a bolt of lightning five steps in from a stray rain cloud, he flailed in the air for a moment before he landed on his back with enough force to launch the stars from his mouth into the air, and when they fell back down they joined the new batch of star spinning around his head.

A familiar yellow mane that framed a familiar gray face popped out from above the cloud and said "I just don't know what went wrong..."

Rainbow yelled up to her old co-worker "Nothing this time, Derpy!" Derpy Hooves turned her surprised face to Rainbow and smiled at her brightly before moving the cloud away. At least one of us is happy... Rainbow thought to herself begrudgingly as she watched Derpy fly away, then she walked over to the periodically twitching mass of confusion that was smoldering on the ground in front of her.

The rest of her friends joined her as Gilda said something slightly insulting and flew away. They looked at Kit/Wilhelm for a moment before Twilight said "This is going to be the weirdest letter I've ever sent to Celestia..."