A ruined Vacation

Wilhelm woke up and acted like he was still sleeping, after several minutes of listening he didn't hear anything, so he cracked open one of his eyes and was greeting by the vaguely familiar white ceiling that stared down at him. "Mumph mumph... mumph?" He moved his eye down and noticed a white demon was encasing his body! Oh wait... that's just a cast... He thought to himself sadly. I would have won if it was a demon... This shit I can't deal with. He looked at the rest of the room and noticed that it was a hospital room, That explains the scenery...He thought to himself idly, Now to break free!

Wilhelm flexed, twisted, pulled, pushed, tried to explode, tried to spontaneously combust, and may have inadvertently let of a little toot... but the cast didn't even wiggle. Well fuck, I'm out of ideas... Wait... doth my savior cometh?" He could hear faint footsteps down the hallway he assumed was outside of the room, they gradually grew in strength until they entered the room, then they rounded the curtain and... it was the purple dork, and she was wearing a surgical gown.

"I see you slept well!" She said in an overly chipper voice, "Now we can start with the operation!"

"Mmuuhhh?" Wilhelm said in a confused tone of voice as Twilight pulled out a chainsaw.

"Hold still, it will only hurt for a second!" She yelled as she swung the saw at his head.

|*|

"For the sweet love of Satan and all that is unholy!" Wilhelm yelled as he bolted up in his hospital bed, "That shit was fucked up!" He looked around the room and saw a familiar purple dork in a chair beside him, holding a book up with magic and giving him a very confused look.

"What's a "Satan"?" She asked with a tilt of her head.

"Fuck you and your chainsaw, that's what!" Wilhelm said loudly as he tried to move further away from her, then realized his hands and legs were bound to the bed.

"What's a "chainsaw"?"

"A mechanical instrument designed for cutting through trees that utilizes a bladed chain... a "Chain" used to "Saw"." He answered in a polite conversational tone.

"Oh... Why would I have one of those?" Twilight inquired with confused look spread across her features, "I'm a librarian, not a lumber jack"

Wilhelm shuttered as he said "Those are the ones you should always suspect to have a hidden-surprise-surgery chainsaw... Now get away from me." He tried to scoot even further away, but to no avail. Twilight raised an eyebrow at him as a smile spread across her face.

"Your a strange one, you know that?" Twilight chuckled as Wilhelm hissed at her like a cat, then the door closed and Twilight looked over towards the sound and said "Oh, Princess Luna," -Wilhelm's eyes grew to a size  that would rival the mare in the moon's- "I'm glad to see you could make it on such short notice."

Luna rounded the corner as she said "Oh it was no problem, Twilight, I don't need to be in Canterlot to raise the moon and my sister deals with most of the court anyways." She turned her head to Wilhelm, "How is our-" She stopped dead in her tracks and stared at him.

Wilhelm raised his right hand as high as he could as a scared smile crossed his face and said "Uhh... Hi?"

Luna's wings snapped open and her horn charged with power as Wilhelm slammed into the bed, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH KIT, YOU LOATHSOME COCKROACH?!" She bellowed at him as she stuck her face an inch from his.

Wilhelm's left eye barely twitched before Twilight got up from her chair and shouted "Princess! That is him... kindof..." She scratched the back of her head with a forehoof as the steam ran out in her train of thought, "I'm not quite sure how it works myself..."

Luna's voice dropped to normal volume, but the rest of her didn't change a bit, as she stated "I'm quite aware of that, Twilight, and I know that Kit is in his head somewhere..." She leaned even closer and her eyes gained vertical slits as she said in a whisper, "and I'm going to haunt each and every dream he has until he gives back my dear friend..." as her voice trailed of a predatory smile crept across her face.

Wilhelm shivered in his spot for a moment as he wondered if he wet the bed or not, after coming to the conclusion that he didn't he answered her threat: "Eep!" Then he fainted

|*|

Luna looked at the abomination that inhabited her friends body with cold reptilian eyes, then he squeaked and fainted. "Coward..." she whispered as she pulled her head away while her eyes shifted back to their normal, circular selves. "Twilight, why didn't you tell me it was Wilhelm?" she asked as she turned to the purple unicorn

Twilight looked at the unconscious man as she said, "I didn't know it was a different person, I thought he was just toying with us like he was before." She looked at Luna with a down trodden look on her face.

Luna walked over to Twilight and put a hoof on her shoulder as she sighed and said quietly "He is the same person... but not... it's hard to explain, but the easiest way would be to say he is split down the middle; one is order, the other chaos." she looked at the body of her sleeping friend, "I like the one who is law..." She blushed a little and turned away, "Not that you don't already know that."

The body on the bed opened it's eyes and looked at the two ponies, and Luna watched at his eyes shifted from a sparkling green to a familiar piercing blue as he said in a familiar monotonous voice that may have been laced with irritation, "What did he do?"

Luna smiled as Twilight said with a perplexed tone, "Umm... don't you know what he did, since he is... well, you?" her hoof hovered in the air infront of her as her ears were quirked at an odd angle.

"That may be true from me to him, but he is so scatter brained and prone to distraction that I cannot make out most of what he does... I am sorry if that is a problem for you."

Twilight didn't look convinced and she opened her mouth to ask another question when Luna piped up happily, "I'm just happy your okay, Kit, you were shocked pretty badly."

"Hmm?" Kit trained his eyes on her face as he raised an eyebrow, "How?"

Twilight rubbed the back of her head as Luna gestured at her to relay the story, "Well... We had you cornered by a clothes shop, then when you tried to run you got struck by lightning..."

"Oh, I see." Kit said with a slight nod of his head.

"Honestly, I'm surprised your still alive," Twilight continued, "from what I could tell it hit you right in the head..." she looked at the bandage on the left side of his cranium.

Kit went to reach up and touch the bandage, but was stopped by his restraints, and stated calmly "It seems to be a family trait to be resistant to electricity, that and being terribly unlucky."

Luna walked over as she undid the restraints and hugged him "I'm happy to see you, I was worried when Twilight sent my sister the letter." Kit looked at Twilight as Luna pushed his head into a quizzical position and blinked slowly.

Twilight giggled at Kit's expense, "It's good to know we won't be dealing with that joker anymore." she said with a relieved sigh.

Kit continued to look at Twilight as Luna's hug reached awkward length status, which didn't bother him in the slighest, as he said calmly, "No, actually, you will have to deal with him as often as he decides."

Luna let go of him and stared him in the eye as Twilight muttered under her breath irritably and they both said at they same time, in different tones, "What?"

"I never had him under control, he just didn't know how to "work the door", so to speak."

"So your saying he could just pop up at anytime?" Twilight asked irritably as her eye twitched with the same emotion.

"Not quite, he has to take control when I go to regain consciousness..." Luna looked at him with a confused look on her face as she set her fore hooves back on the ground, "He has to beat me to the controls would be the best way to describe it."

Twilight face hoofed as she muttered to herself, "So I could wake up on any morning to find my house trashed by him... great..."

Kit looked at her with his own perplexed look, "What do you mean, I was going to stay in a hotel."

Twilight looked back up at him with a completely unchanged expression, "You have to have bits for that... And Wilhelm spent them all on a cross between a cake and as a gift."

Kit blinked a few times in what seemed to be a calculation, then he stated as simply as can be "Fuck."

Luna looked at him with wide eyes, "Kit! I've never heard you use that language before!" she said with shocked indignation.

"Just never had a chance to finish saying it before..." He replied as he stuck his face in his palm, "Know of anyone who needs work in town, Twilight?"

Twilight tapped her forehead as she stared at the ground for a moment, before she slowly raised her head and said quietly "I know the Apples are planting their Zap Apples soon... And they always need to do that quickly, So they might let you help."

Kit tilted his head like a bird at Twilight and said "What is a "Zap Apple"?"

|*|

Kit raised an eyebrow at the dead looking trees that stood in front of him as he asked "Is this the right field?" Then he added "Ow." Then Granny Smith smacked him across the head with her cane.

"Don't you hear the Timber Wolves howling, Whippersnapper?" Granny asked irritably. Kit listened to the wind for a moment before shaking his head, which earned him another smack. "Young'uns these days, can't listen with the ears they were born with." Granny shook her head as dark clouds rolled in out of nowhere. Then dark clouds rolled in over the orchard and the trees sparked lightly before the leaves grew exponentially almost instantly.

"That is fascinating..." Kit trailed off as he stared as the nimbus of light that surround the trees dimmed and died, "I... wait..." he stared a little harder at the trees, "are they absorbing the lightning?"

"Darn tootin', why else would they be called "Zap apples"?" Granny replied with indignation, "Where did you get this Whippersnapper?"

Applejack coughed nervously as she watched Kit walk towards the trees slowly, "Uh, Twilight!" She looked at her friend nervously, "Why is he going to work for us agai-" A loud crack cut her off and they watched Kit sail through the air, when he landed Twilight and Applejack ran over to him as Granny huffed in indignation.

"Serves him right, should have listened to his elders..." Then Granny left to get her Bunny suit.

Kit looked up at the sky as it cleared to blue with his lips trembling lightly, Twilight tensed up in anticipation of another "Fun" time with Wilhelm. Kit just continued to lay there and move his lips, Twilight's ear twitched and when she leaned in closer she realized that he was saying something. Kit shot up as a smile spread across his face, it was a smile that made Twilight's skin crawl, and he ran back up to the tree and started circling it, all the while mumbling to himself through that Creepy smile.

Applejack shuttered beside Twilight, then leaned over and whispered in her friends ear, "That smile reminds me of your's during the "Want it, need it" Fiasco..." All Twilight could do was nod as Kit shook his hand in reaction to shocking himself again.

|*|

Kit's mind was racing from the implications of harnessing the tree's power, It could power a technological revolution, it could start them on a path to- His train of thought was forcefully derailed by Granny Smith's cane, "Ow." he said quietly as he turned his head and had a bunny suit stuffed in his face.

"Git yer suit on, Whippersnapper, It's time to do the bunny hop." Granny said in a no-nonsense tone. Kit blinked at her a few times before putting the suit on over his clothes. Then he looked at the water pails that Granny had started to jump over and raised both his eyebrows before joining her.

Kit hopped around in a circle, over top of water pails, as an ancient mare chanted something that sounded like the alphabet, and didn't see this as strange in the slightest. Meanwhile Wilhelm was killing himself laughing in Kit's head, Kit could hear him pounding the "floor" as he howled to the point of almost passing out... despite the fact he doesn't need air in his current state. Kit just kept hopping as he started to sing along with Granny, who shot him one of her increasingly common No-nonsense stares after two letters and he stopped singing.

After a few minutes of hopping in silence they stopped and Granny wandered of as she mumbled something to herself. Twilight walked over and stood by Bunny-Kit and giggled, "You look very nice in that."

Kit looked back at the puff of cotton that graced his ass, "As long as I get my rent, I can deal with anything." He replied calmly. Twilight's face went red for a moment before she shook her head and coughed fakely, Kit raised an eyebrow and asked "Are you feeling alright?"

"Y-yes, just fine, Kit, but you have to deal with-" A sudden and heavy blackness cut her off, then after a second or two a ringing filled Kit's ears and he stumbled backwards for a few feet before he fell down hard.

After the wobbling stopped he sat there and fought off the nausea as the cauldron was pulled off of his head. When Kit could see again he caught sight of Applejack and Twilight rolling on the ground, lost in the mirth of laughter, and Granny holding the cauldron on her back as she walked back to the house. Kit almost said something, but had to keep himself from painting the grass a new shade of green.

Wilhelm just laughed harder.

|*|

Kit was pulling a cart along behind Big Mac and Applejack, it was their third haul and they weren't pleased with his progress. "Hurry up yah slow poke, we've lapped yah twice already!" Applejack yelled at him as she trotted along. Kit just grunted in response and kept pulling his cart along behind him.

I just love watching you do things! The familiar, insane voice in his head nattered happily, It's like watching a sick puppy get kicked into traffic!

Kit just grunted again and pulled harder, after a few more minutes he managed to get to the grove of trees that had sprouted an actual canopy the previous day and started to place the buckets underneath the trees that needed them... not that there was many left because his was the last set they needed. After the last bucket was down Kit sat down loudly in a clearing and looked at the trees, Applejack walked over and asked "Are yah okay, yah seem a little tired." Kit's reaction was just to tilt his head back and gulp air. "Uh... maybe yah shouldn't do the heavy liftin' then..." She trailed off uncertainly as dark clouds once more passed over head, and suddenly crows burst out of the foliage and flew around in a pattern.

"Is... That... An... Apple?" Kit gasped out slowly, Applejack just smiled as the trees sprouted vibrant blue flowers amidst the sparks that danced in the branches. "How... poetic..." Kit mumbled under his lack-of-breath, then he stood up and got the cane meant for his head in his shin, "Ow."

Granny Smith glared at him, "Hop to Whippersnapper!" Granny tilted the army helmet on her head as Kit found himself standing at attention, "No more shenanigans, if I catch you lazing about on the job again:-" She hopped up on her back hooves"-I'll tan your hide, then fire yah!" Granny dropped down on her forehooves again and inspected the trees like a general inspects her troops.

Seems like your having a bit of trouble there, Wilhelm stated slyly as he swirled around In Kit's mind, Maybe I can help with that... all i ask in return is the rest of this week, what do yah say?

Kit sighed to himself as he watched Granny shift all of the buckets he had set down ever so slightly, "Yes..." He whispered.

I think your forgetting something...

"... Please, will you help me; and in return I will let you have control of our body for the rest of the week."

All Kit heard was :Goody! along with a clapping noise. Then Kit felt his weakness fade slowly as he stood taller, then he looked at Applejack, who was in turn looking at him with a single eyebrow raised in a quizzical manner.

"Just talking to myself." He told her simply, all she did was shake her head and turn to watch her granny glare at one of the flowers on one of the trees, then with a huff granny turned away as walked back to the farm.

"Looks like we're done for the day, Kit, Ah'll take that back for yah" Applejack told Kit happily.

"No, I've got it... It looks like I need the exercise anyways," He responded casually as he hooked himself back into the jury-rigged rigging, "You have your own to worry about anyways." Then he pulled the cart with renewed vigor, causing the cart to shutter then slowly pull forward.

"Suit yourself..." Applejack mumbled to herself as she watched Kit walk painfully slowly towards the farm.

Kit waited till he was out of earshot before he said to himself "Maybe I should have asked for help earlier, when it actually would have been worth the headache..."