A ruined Vacation

Wilhelm chewed on his cereal with a gusto that only he could grasp, spilling most of it in his elaborate hand movements as he explained one of his dreams to a groggy Twilight and and enraptured Spike, "I was flying through space on the back of a mecha-whale as I fist fought a oriental dragon made of LIGHTNING, when Poof!"-He shot his hands out at Spike, who flailed back in shock-"I woke up, It was pretty bad ass..." Then he looked at Twilight, who was inspecting her fore hoof very closely, and asked nonchalantly "So what do I need to do today?"

"Why are you even here?" she responded irritably, "Why did he wake up, instead of-" She points a hoof at Wilhelm angrily-"You." the last part dripped with venom, which Wilhelm didn't seem to even notice.

"Because we made a deal!" He piped up happily, then added "I made it so he could finish the day, and in exchange he let me have the week... He is kindof a dumbass when it comes to deals." He ended leaning on Spike, who didn't even realize Wilhelm was there until he lifted himself off of the purple dragon.

Twilight just grunted in frustration as she stood up and said with an air of defeat, "You're going to help the Apples water the Zap trees."

Wilhelm's eyes sparked with mischievous glee as he exclaimed in a overly chipper voice, "Sounds like fun!"

|*|

Wilhelm looked at the Zap apples with a sad look on his face as he said "The're so... Gray..." he batted at one despite the fact it was about six feet above his head, then Granny Smith smacked the back of his hand with her increasingly present cane.

"No touching, not that yah could do much right now anyways: those little apples are unpickable before the fifth sign." She told him sternly, "Now you'd better do your job today, because my threat still stands." She pointed her cane at him threateningly and he just moved it to the side with a single finger as he said:

"Have a little faith in me, I'm not as useless as I was yesterday,-" He winked at Granny -"Okay?" She harrumphed and walked back to the Farm house.

"Uhh, Kit?" Applejack started to say before Wilhelm slid a finger in front of her lips.

"Not that pansy today, now give me my job..." He rubbed his hands together giddily and giggled evilly, Applejack leaned away from him and walked to the barn.

She opened the doors and walked in as she said, "Your job today is to water the trees, Me and Mac can do the the rest." Wilhelm adopted a displeased look as she pointed to the mountains of water pails.

"Really, that's it?" He said as he gestured at the mountain, "If Kit was almost TKO'd by that, then he's more of a bitch then I though." Applejack winced when he said "bitch" but otherwise was silent, Wilhelm looked at her with his displeased face and added, "Well, lets get a workin'!" in a bad southern drawl.

|*|

"Yah know this would be easier if you WEREN'T on the cart." Applejack snapped at her uninvited passenger.

"Easier, but less of a work out, and If you want a nice stallion to have little foals with then you'd better work those birthin' hips!" He retorted as he hopped off of the cart and grabbed a few pails, then dodged drunkily as another flew past his head and smashed into one of the Zap Apple trees, he didn't dodge when it flew into the back of his head and sent him sprawling. "The fuck was that?" He asked with his head in the dirt.

"What was that?" Applejack asked him smugly, "You seem to have your mouth full."

His response was to flip her the bird and pick up the three, now empty, water pails and throw them in the cart as he gathered replacement ones and went to water the trees. After a few dozen trees he asked her a question, "What do you think of Kit?"

Applejack missed a step and almost fell over as she said "Wh-where did that come from?" Then her eyes narrowed and she added with venom "Your not trying to set us up, are you?"

Wilhelm gave her a look that relayed exactly how stupid he thought she was, and it was alot. "No, neither of us even LIKE you quadrupeds!" He told her with disgust, "I like my women to be shapely... your FAR too flat for my tastes." He poked her chest for emphasis and walked around to grab another pail.

"Then why do you deal with us?" Applejack asked in genuine confusion.

"Your the only sentient species we have so far come across... beside Mouse Breath," He told her flatly before he poured another pail on a near by tree, "Sven never really liked his own people either," Wilhelm chucked a few times before he continued "And look where that got him; Split into more parts then Star Wars and stuck in another dimension... or something..." He trailed off uncertainly as he tapped his chin, then he shook his head as he said "My point is: do you people find Kit to be... Well to be frank, the easier to deal with."

Not even a second passed before he had his answer, "Yes!" Applejack told him almost hysterically, "Sweet Celestia, Yes!"

Wilhelm recoiled like he had seen snakes in her eyes, then as he put his foot back on the ground and brushed imagined dust off of his shirt he said "Fine then... I didn't want to be your friend anyways." he finished with a toss of his head and grabbed a few more pails before stomping off into the trees.

"Oops..." Applejack whispered to herself as her ears flattened against her head, Then Wilhelm shot out of the forest backwards and skidded across the ground until his head in was between her legs and he was looking up at her.

"Don't punch the trees." He stated simply before he stood up and brushed off the real dirt, Then he went and gathered the pails that were tossed around the trail.

"Look Ah-" Wilhelm cut Applejack off with a finger and put the pails back on the wagon, before walking back to the front and lowered his finger.

"You've had bad dealing with me in the past..." He said lazily as he leaned on her shoulder, "I understand your... Unwillingness to deal with me further... But I was just giddy with life, the breath in my lungs, the wind on my face, and blah blah blah" He ended with his other hand moving like a mouth, then added, "Give me another chance and you won't regret it... look around you now and you'll notice we've finished this load."

Applejack looked back and saw a neatly piled stack of empty water pails, then watched as Wilhelm hopped back up onto the cart and made mock whipping motion, "Yeah I know, I know, "Birthin' Hips"..." she said with a roll of her eyes as she turned around and made her way back to the barn as Wilhelm kept making whipping motions and saying:

"Ha!"

|*|

Wilhelm looked at the cart he was on as he jumped off of it and unloaded the empty pails for one last time, "Sweet!" he said happily, "Done for the day!" after the last pail was stacked with the others he walked out of the barn and ran into Granny Smith. He tipped his invisible hat to her and said "Good day, ma-"

She cut him off with a stern stare, then her features lightened up as she said "My Granddaughter said you did a fine job today, I just wanted to let you know I appreciate it... maybe I had you pegged wrong."

"No problem, ma'am, happens all the time; Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get home and rest for the long day tomorrow." He tipped his invisible hat again and walked down the driveway towards town as he hummed to himself.

He walked down the road down to town as he mulled over what had happened that day and smiled to himself as he said "One down, Four to go... I'm going to enjoy this!" he hopped up in the air and clapped his feet together, and came down on something. He looked down and was almost halfway there before he found a familiar pink face staring at him in a unnatural posture, "Hiyah, Pinky!"

"Hiyah, Will!" She replied with gusto as she pulled her head into a more natural position and Wilhelm got off of her back, "How was work?"

"It was just fine really, I got to straighten things out with Applejack, and now I just have to work things out with the rest of you fine young ladies." He responded in a suave tone as he leaned on her back and stared into her eyes, she giggled and hopped into the air, which sent Wilhelm flying.

"He he, don't try to flirt with a mare you can't handle!" She told him excitedly as she hopped around him, "And I-" she stopped for a moment and pointed at her chest before continuing-"Am too much to handle!" She started to hop around him again as he stood up and walked towards town.

"I have a question for you, Pinky, What do you think of Kit?" Wilhelm asked her seriously, she stopped mid hop and dropped to the ground, then she turned her head towards him slowly.

Then she said "Meh, he's kinda boring." before she started to hop around again.

Wilhelm grinned from ear to ear as he said "Finally, someone who agrees with me... I hate how he's always like "Wilhelm, don't do that, you might get us hurt." or "Don't do that, you'll kill us" or even "No, your not allowed to end the universe" and then wrestles away the controls..." then he tapped his chin again and added quietly, "That one might have been a dream..."

Pinky giggled as she added "Yeah, and that face he always has!" she made a face that would have made the Easter Island heads look emotive. Wilhelm almost dropped to the ground laughing as he pointed and made affirmative gestures.

After a minute or two, Wilhelm finally gained enough control of his body to stand up and ask "So you'd prefer to deal with me more?" as he still chuckled a little.

"Well... as long as you don't run us around town again, then... Yeah, sure!" She hopped a little higher then normal as she added, "And I really appreciate what you did for Mr. and Mrs. Cake, they are going to be so happy when they go to Canterlot!"

He smiled as he said "I just felt like that he needed it more, that's all..." then he rubbed the back of his head and said "It's been nice talking with you, but I'd best get back to Twilight's abode, Catch yah later!" he said as he waved goodbye and jogged down the road.

|*|

Wilhelm walked into the Library and found Twilight reading a book, he didn't expect anything different. "Hi Twilight!" He said as he closed the door, she looked up at him for a whole of one second and returned her eyes to her book as she made a rather nondescript sound, "Well that was a warm welcome..." Wilhelm said under his breath as he made his way across the room to the kitchen, "I'm going to make myself some food, want anything?" She made the same sound as before and a vein popped up on Wilhelm's head as he said "I'm offering to make dinner, the least you can do is answer me." He told her loudly as his body moved into the kitchen and he left his head sticking out and stared at her.

She placed the book down and leveled her own stare at him, and they sat there from a few minutes, neither of them blinking until she said slowly "I don't trust that what you make will be edible."

He scoffed and responded with: "You don't trust me, you mean."

Her retort was rather lack luster in it's delivery, because she yelled it "Of course I don't trust you, you ran us around town, you knocked out my friend, and then you... you..." she lost her steam as she tried to think of what he did next.

"I got caught, then I helped a friend through some tough times... Yeah, I can see why you don't trust me... so just a dandelion sandwich then, can't fuck that up too much." Then he ducked his head into the doorway and went to the fridge, he reached out to open the door and stopped, then he looked behind the fridge and didn't find a power cord.

"How the hell does this thing work?" He opened the door and pulled out some nice, crisp lettuce, a perfectly ripe tomato and a bundle of dandelions that seemed in good condition, he didn't know. He turned around and went to the bread cupboard and pulled out the loaf and yelled to Twilight, "Is Spike here?" After a minute of not getting a response he added, "Because if he is I'll make him something too." Still no response, then he sighed and set down the bread and walked back int the main room, catching Twilight by surprise.

"Get out!" she yelled at him, the tears plain in her voice, after he walked over to the table and sat down in the chair opposite her she shouted again, with more anger then sadness, "I said get out!"

"No."

She looked straight at him as he looked at her cooly and her own features hardened as she said icily, "Out."

"And I said No." They had another staring match that lasted almost a half hour before he added, "You invited me to live with you."

"I invited Kit to live here, Not you." She retorted coldly.

He placed his hands on the table and pulled his face close to hers "You can't have one without the other, Princess, so I suggest you live with it... Why did you invite us to live with you, and I do mean US." he tacked on the last word with almost venomous insistence.

She broke eye contact as she responded "It was the right thing to do..."

"For a ticking time bomb?" He asked, this time it was his turn to be cold, "Last ticking time bomb I heard that you dealt with is sitting cozy in Celestia's garden right now..." He glared at her with an intensity that fire couldn't reproduce.

"We-well, Celestia had insisted that you stayed here, and my place is the biggest, and-"

Wilhelm just her off "Cut the bullshit, You lie like a cheap Chinese rug... and before you ask it was a country where I come from."

Twilight looked at him for a moment, the fear and confusion plain in her eyes, then she said "Why are you angry with me?" she cringed a little as she added "What did I do to you?"

For a genius she sure is a fuckin' idiot... Wilhelm thought to himself calmly as he slammed his hand on the table and cause the books on it to hop while he yelled inches from her face "Why are you so hostile to ME?" He raised his hand into the air and looked around the room as he added, "All I did was play a joke, I didn't even touch your friend!" Then he stood up and pointed at her with an anger he didn't really feel and shouted "Then, after you strapped me to a bed and got your princess to get rid of me, you go and invite my counterpart to LIVE with you, knowing full well that I would pop up again any time!" his hands dropped to his sides as he added sadly "Then when I try to make it up to you, you turn around and tell me to, and I quote, "Get Out"."

Twilight was crying again and it tore up Wilhelm on the inside, but he pressed on, "Just..." he lifted a hand like he was getting angry again and then let it drop to his side as he finished, "Why?" and he stood there till she gave him an answer, which was far too long for his tastes.

She was still crying when she finally answered him, "I... I just wanted to make a new friend, one who was like me... Okay?!" she shouted the last word at him, then she dropped her head again and continued to cry, and jumped when Wilhelm placed his hand on her shoulder and pulled her into a hug.

She tried to struggle for a moment before Wilhelm said, "You can't take one half of a coin, and you can't have him without me." She stopped fighting and cried into his shoulder as she sobbed out apologies and promises to make it up to him, he just patted her back as he thought about his future career as an actor and how much snot he was going to hand wash out of his shirt.