The Bronerific Adventures of Freddie and Austin

As all of the bronies that attended St. Clair High School filed into the auditorium to begin what was their sixth annual club meeting since the club was approved, everyone in attendance, even Ashton, noticed the room seemed a lot less....Lifeless....A lot less.....EMPTY......

Nobody could figure out why it would seem this way, already in attendance was Kyler Luckey, whose favorite pony was Pinkie Pie. A native from Texas who had moved to Missouri right before school started in August, Kyler was against cursing, most likely because of his strong connection with Church. But that did not stop Freddie, and well, lots of other people, from shuffling out cuss words left and right at him whenever they had the chance.

Curtis Altis, a senior who was noticeably the shortest senior at St. Clair High School, and whose favorite pony was Vinyl Scratch, or DJ P0n-3 as she was also known as; either way you look at it, that dumb bitch was his favorite pony. And yes, she is a dumb pony bitch. She can go stick a record up her 2 inch clit; and records have been out of style for 25 years, so hopefully she'll just use a bottle of 'Aussie' hair gel as an alternative. After all, 'Aussie' hair gel in the puss-puss? THAT'S gotta hurt, too. Umm, yeah. Anyway, Curtis was a short motherfucker. Midget wouldn't be the correct way of putting his size into words. Let's just say, he was as tall as an Asian man's pee-pee is short. There we go!

There was Tye Johnson, whose favorite pony was Princess Luna. Tye had moved from Arizona to St. Clair in fifth Grade; and unfortunately, had never moved back to that hot hell-hole. Fuck that place. It never even rains there. Fuck it. Yeah, fuck it. I hate that place. Wait, who is I? You cocks will never know, because this narrator is going to remain ANONYMOUS......

OkayI'mMorganFreeman.

Yup, totally anonymous. Anyway, there was also Zane Dotson, who was also short, but he's a sophomore and all those butts are short, so who cares? Zane's favorite pony was......Shit! Zane changes his favorite pony every damn week, so nobody knew as of right now.

"Hey, Zane. Whose your favorite pony as of right now?" Tye asked to the mop-haired homo.

"Bloomberg." Zane said with a troll smile, but Zane NEVER lied so of course Tye believed him. That was sarcasm, if you couldn't tell.

"Bloomberg? But....He's a tree...." Dumb dumb Tye said, letting his gullibleness, if that was a word, shine through his silhouette. Wait, but Tye doesn't HAVE a silhouette. The motherfucker ain't invisible! Pfffttttt.....Man you ain't even Algonquin, course he does!

"I KNUW." Zane said with a large grin, fully aware of his "Favorite" Character's physical appearance. "He doesn't like when you point out his flaws, either...."

"Well, I'm sorry....." Tye said, now shivering, almost like he figured Bloomberg would run up to him and shove his boot up his ass. But Bloomberg doesn't wear boo-FOOL YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GETTING AT. Don't need to WEAR boots to HAVE boots....I'M JUST SAYING!

"Yeah? Well, my favorite pony is ALSO a tree......FLUTTERSHY!" Said Nathan Bougeno. Ya know, that one creepy guy mentioned in chapter one who just interrupts the narrator when he's TRYING to make a point! I swear, I'm gonna pull some strings and have him killed off.....

"Yus! Tree ponies are best ponies!" Zane said, as both he and Nathan did an AERO-HOOF. And for all those who don't INNOVATE the bro-hoof and just stick to the bro-hoof like unoriginal scrotal-smoothies, an aero-hoof is a JUMPING bro-hoof. There, narrator just took you to College, and you didn't have to pay for it or even make your ingrate parents happy! You're nothing but welcome.

Then, there was Ashton, who, you met in the first chapter, and, as you can tell by his personality, his a grade A cum-bubble. Anyway, his favorite pony was Smosh; and Smosh isn't even a pony, so now we know this guy has tapioca for brains. Hey! At least now, a bunch of senior citizens can eat him. Well, eat his skull cavity, at least. So, that's something to look forward to.

And then, there was a girl named Jade Simanson; who wasn't a brony. She had just ran into the auditorium for no reason.

"I LIKE BATTERY ACID POURED DOWN MY MUCUS MEMBRANE." She announced to all of the bronies, and she then ran out without saying another word.

All of the bronies were dumbfounded, and didn't know what to think about the recent escapade they had just experienced. Zane, however, enjoyed that 2 second long outburst.

"I like her!" Zane said with a satisfactory look on his face, as he nodded at the period-red hair colored girl. Yup, she had taken her bloody tampon and squeezed the nutrients from it into her hair, and THAT was how she got her hair to be so red. Who knew? That must mean ginger girls lather their hair with that special "Cheeto Duste" hair shampoo. Notice the "E" in dust; that makes it look fancy....And french.....

Oh yeah. There were also a bunch of other bronies who will NOT be described because they aren't important. IN FACT, you won't hear ANY of them talk in this chapter, or ANY other chapter. If any of them DO talk, which, again, isn't likely, we'll just call them "Buttknocker *INSERT NUMBER*"

"I just DON'T get it...." Kyler said, scratching his head without a care in the world. "WHAT is so wrong with this scene?.....I feel like, a BIG part of this puzzle is missing...."

"It must be because you're all faggots who jerk off to ponies." Ashton, who was sitting in the very back blurted out as he crossed his arms, proud of himself for spouting off on the bronies.

It's just a damn shame none of them paid any attention to him.

"Didn't Ashton say Freddie and Austin would be here shortly?" Curtis asked.

"Yeah..." Ashton replied. "Five minutes ago....That's like, such a long time."

"They should've been here by now....." Tye pointed out. "Hmmmm...."

Nathan suddenly gasped. "PERHAPS THEY WERE TELEPORTED TO EQUESTRIA!"

"B-but....That's not FAIR!" Zane whined. "I'M a bigger brony than both of them COMBINED!"

"Oh no...." Curtis said, facepalming.

"Here we go..." Kyler added with a roll of his eyes. "Guys, calm down. It's not even POSSIBLE to be transported to Equestria."

"You're all idiots, in my very strong opinion." Ashton said, as he was most certainly NOT pleased with how this meeting was going to far. He was FORCED to come here, anyway. And now, his time was being wasted.

"Then WHY aren't they here?!" Nathan replied with frustration in his voice. "It's the ONLY logical explanation! They're in Equestria, frolicking with ponies, while me and Zane should be there licking their hindquarters!"

Ashton's eyes now bulged. "I KNEW it......Horse fuckers....Ewwwwwwwwwwww........"

"WE'RE NOT ALL LIKE THIS!" Tye yelled. "Just THESE two!"

"Oh BALONEY!" Zane replied, waving Tye's accusation off. "EVERY single ONE of you want to fuck a pastel horse until 6 gallons of blood pour out of their eyeballs!"

By now, Ashton was covering his ears, trying to unhear everything he had just heard. "STOP, PLEASE! MY EARS CAN'T TAKE ALL OF HIS FAGGINESS!"

"No, we DON'T." Curtis firmly denied. "Now sit down, you fools. I'm sure Freddie and Austin we'll be here in no time...."

"Hmph." Nathan said, as he and Zane slumped back into their seats with grumpy looks on their faces. "Fine, but when they get back to Earth, I am going to KILL them for playing with the ponies in the field when they had a PERFECTLY good chance to RUT them!"

"I second that." Zane said with a nod. "Ponies were created by GOD on the seventh day to fulfill ALL of our sexual needs!"

Tye sighed. "Kyler, is there ANYTHING about that in the Bible?"

Kyler's left eye twitched at just the THOUGHT something as screwed up as THAT being in The Holy Bible, GOD's journal, the greatest book ever devised, whatever you want to call it. "Thankfully, NO. But, "The Idiot's Guide to Un-recreational Thoughts"? It's guaranteed." Curtis laughed at this, but Zane and Nathan didn't seem too pleased.

"Screw you!" Zane shot back. "We already sat down! Enough with this slander!"

"I never said WHO the idiots were...." Kyler replied.

Zane and Nathan were now confused. They gave each other hopeful looks that Kyler was NOT referring to them. "Us?" They asked the same time.

Kyler nodded. "You know it."

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

*Technical difficulties.....Fucking retards fucking shit up....Let's move this along....*

Meanwhile.......

As Mrs. Lampkin was about to leave the school to go home, since the day was over, and she no longer had any other fulfillments to give to St. Clair High School today, she could notice out of the corner of her right eye that Freddie and Austin, the same two boys she had a new-found lust for, were about to drive off in Freddie's mom's 1995 Ford Taurus.

Mrs. Lampkin gasped, and ducked, even though it was highly unlikely the two would even see her, as they didn't pay attention to anyone to the side of them, because it's the SIDE. Nothing is EVER going on to EITHER of your sides. That's right, sides are boring and useless, in my opinion. Fuck the side of things.

"I should go follow them....." Mrs. Lampkin thought aloud, licking her lips at just HOW she would teach her favorite students when she got the chance. She was a bit upset they had dodged her like some creepy bullet trying to pierce through their skin. Perhaps she had advanced to quickly on them?

"Ha! No way!" Mrs. Lampkin quickly dismissed that thought. "I'm a noticeably gorgeous woman THROWING myself at them! How could they NOT want me? Were they LYING about wanting to learn more about sex?" Mrs. Lampkin frowned. "No......That's IMPOSSIBLE. My lessons are the BEST around! Well, actually, I've never TAUGHT a lesson quite like the one I just tried to teach in there.....Hmmm...Either way! When I DO teach it, I just KNOW it's going to be what they were looking for! Poor darlings had a hard week at school, and what kind of CARING teacher would I be to give them my body when they are already SOOOOOO tired? I wouldn't be caring at all, that's the thing! It's a good thing I actually AM caring, and would do ANYTHING to make sure my students don't feel left in the dark about the subjects I teach! Why, I am sure to be a SHOE-IN for teacher of the y-"

Hey, Mrs. Slutkin.....The car drove off 45 seconds ago.....

Mrs. Lampkin then looked back in the direction that crappy old Ford Taurus was parked, and her eyes went emotionless when she realized the car was gone; as it possibly had been gone for a long time....

"GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!" Mrs. Lampkin gritted her teeth, and started her car up in record speed. "I can't BELIEVE I let them get away!" She then began to drive off at 60 miles per hour, swerving past multiple cars at a time, trying to catch up to that out of date gas guzzler. "I find it cute that Freddie's mom still drives him home, though! Teacher's are kind of like mother's, as well. The knowledge we feed them is like the milk Freddie sucked from his mother's mammary glands from a young age-well," Mrs. Lampkin then giggled. "Before too long, Freddie will be sucking MY mammary glands. I'll make sure he doesn't hog all of my "milk" up, because Austin deserves to get a fair amount of time with my breasts, as well! And then, I'll nurture their beautiful minds until they are at nothing but their fullest potential. And then, they will announce me, Mrs. Markie Lampkin, as their official overseer of all things school-related! I mean, I could help them with ANYTHING they need help with, because I am just that versatile as a teacher; you have to be when you care as much as I do!"

Goddammit this is getting tedious....It's just a bitch saying a bunch of dialogue......Fuck it, she'll be built up more and more as time goes along; she just needs to shut up so we can move on with the story. I mean, she can say this shit NEXT chapter. Agree? No? HAWELLFUCKYOU.

Meanwhile.....

"Okay. So it's OBVIOUS they aren't coming today...." Ashton said, referring to Austin and Freddie and their dumb asses not being at the meeting when they SAID they would be. "Can I PLEASE go home now?"

"NO!" Tye replied, pointing at Ashton in a way that made it look like he wanted him to apologize for even suggesting such a thing. "But you're right, Ashton. Freddie and Austin ARE NOT here."

"THAT'S WHAT I JUST FUCKING SAID." Ashton said in an annoyed voice.

"But.....How can we do a meeting without them?" Brody, who had just came in, but nobody had noticed he hadn't been there either because nobody likes Brody said with a sniffle. "Freddie STARTED all of this....."

Curtis sighed. "We'll just have to do the ceremonies WITHOUT him or Austin....."

"B-but.....It just....Doesn't seem right....." Brody replied with a sad look on his face. "ALL Bronies must be in attendance at a meeting, or else NO meeting. At least, that's what I think."

"Are you suggesting we......CANCEL this meeting?" Zane asked. Immediately, everyone in the room gasped, even Ashton, although his gasp was a mock of everyone else's gasp.

"HUUUUUHHHHH. HUUUUUUUH. HUUUUUUUUHHHH. Holy crap, you freaks even GASP weird!" Ashton complained, but once again, it seemed the bronies only paid attention to him when he said something that was even the SLIGHTEST bit enthusiastic. "Hey! Pay attention to me, dicks!"

"Y-yes...." Brody hesitantly answered. "We should cancel. It's not right to go on without the two biggest pieces of our puzzle."

"Perhaps we SHOULD consider it....." Tye said, rubbing his chin with his index finger because apparently he does that constantly.

"Oh.....Thank you guys!" Brody said with a sudden gleeful smile. "So, I guess I'll see you all next week?"

Just then, all of the bronies looked at Brody with a sudden glint of mischievousness in their eyes.

"W-why are you guys looking at me like that for?" Brody asked, now suddenly concerned with the look he was receiving from EVERY single person. Even Ashton had that same look on his face, just for the merit of having that same look on his face.

Without another word, the bronies all picked up Brody, and proceeded to toss him out of the auditorium. To say Brody was shocked, would be an understatement.

"Yes, you'll see us next week, Brody!" Nathan said.

"Same brony time, same brony place!" Tye said with a cackle as he shut the double doors.

Brody then heard a sharp click, meaning the doors had been locked. He quickly ran to the other side of the hallway to see if the alternate opening was an option, but his heart nearly cracked when he heard that same click JUST as he had approached the door.

"Pony feathers...." Brody sadly said, as there was nothing better to do now than go home and cry himself to sleep.

Meanwhile, back inside, nobody seemed to care about Brody's sudden misfortune. What bastards these people are. And to THINK, THEY are the future of America.....

We're fucked.

"Finally, you guys do something I agree with!" Ashton said with a small smirk playing on his face.

"Now," Tye said. "Freddie may not be here, but we came here to discuss PONIES. And by Celestia's flowing main, we WILL talk about ponies!" Every brony simultaneously cheered at the statement. Ashton just waved his index finger around in the air, as he wasn't excited in the least. He was only there because he SAID he'd be there.

"I guess I'll lead our discussions for today." Tye suggested. "Anybody object?"

"It doesn't matter, because either way, whoever does it, it's gonna suck." Ashton complained, but he pulled out a miniature rage when once AGAIN, the bronies pretended he didn't even exist. Ashton LOVED attention; be it positive, or negative. But now, he wasn't getting ANY attention, and that pissed him off to NO end.

"Alright, then!" Tye said enthusiastically, running up to the custom made rainbow painted podium made SPECIFICALLY for these meetings, and nothing else. "Let's get started! Personally, for me, I have a feeling, that this is going to be our BEST meeting yet! Filled with nothing but high composure and happy thoughts...."

6.23 seconds later.....

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Buttknocker 1 screamed as he began clawing at one of the auditorium seats.

"The horror.......The horror......" Nathan sobbed as he leaned onto Zane's shoulder.

"GET AWAY FROM ME, BURGLAR!" Zane shouted as he connected with a right hook to Nathan's face, knocking him out.

"Mommy.....Mommy.....Mommy...." Buttknocker 2 repeated over and over as he rocked himself in a nearby corner. "Mommy make the bad things go away, make that bad things go away, please....." He then got kneed in the nose by Buttknocker 3; this broke it, for sure.

"EVEN YOUR MOMMY WON'T SHOW YOU MERCY IN HELL, SLIME!" Buttknocker 3 declared as he began to mercilessly pound on Buttknocker 2's already broken nose.

Tye continued to bash in the wooden floorboard's on the auditorium stage with the rainbow podium. He would throw it about 15 feet in the air countless times. Everytime it fell, another dent in the floor would be made.

Curtis jumped onto the stage, and began clawing at the rainbow paint on the podium. Layer by layer of paint continued to be scraped off onto Curtis' fingernails. After all of the paint had been scraped off, Kyler ran up to Curtis, and began to bite his nails, and swallow them whole after they were chewed off; nail, paint, and all.

"AHHHHH!!!!" Curtis screamed as his fingers gushed with blood due to Kyler's inhumane snacking on them. He had no fingernails, of course, so the blood just dripped onto the floor by the liters.

Buttknocker 4 took this opportunity to jump on the stage and lick up all of Curtis's blood because he was a vampire or some shit.

"You are a sick misinterpretation of what GOD was looking for in a human...." Kyler muttered, and he then shouted, "BE GONE WITH THEE, FOUL BEING!"

Kyler tried to get the jump on Buttknocker 4, but Buttknocker 4 was ready, as he bit Kyler right in the right testicle. Kyler doubled over in pain and fell to the floor. Buttknocker 4 and Curtis then took turns punching Kyler in the nut-sack. They would rotate and switch each testicle. Left, then right, left, then right, and so on and so forth until Kyler's "Texas Cherries" were turned into something that resembled an antioxidant that was put into V8.

"This is such bullshit...." Ashton complained as he watched all of this carnage commence, not even perturbed by it in the slightest. "I wasted my time going to this stupid meeting. There wasn't one damn THING that it had to do with ponies! All these guys are doing is practicing for their roles in the next installment of the "Fight Club" movie series. Fuck that, I'll talk about fight club if I want." Without another word, Ashton unlocked the doors to the auditorium, and was about to leave to go home, but he was blindside by Brody, who had been creeping in the shadows since being locked out. He would pounce on the first person to open those doors. Unfortunately for Ashton, he was the unlucky fuck.

Brody proceeded to strip Ashton of ALL of his clothes, and toss them into the drinking fountain that was 10 feet away from him. He dropped the tranquilizer dart he had used to knock Ashton out. Where the hell did he find a tranquilizer dart? The nurse, derp. Nurses LOVE knocking kids out and spinning their genitals in their own mouths! That's what they got their medical license for, after all!

Brody then dragged Ashton in the bathroom that was ALSO, conveniently 10 feet away from the auditorium. He placed Ashton's mouth under the soap dispenser, opened his mouth with his own two hands, and then used the tranquilizer dart to keep it open. He then squirted an excessive amount of soap into his mouth. Some, Ashton swallowed even in his unconscious state. The rest? Brody filled his mouth up with water, and used the tranquilizer dart to stir the concoction together. He then forced Ashton to spit it all up by punching him in the throat. Now, the soapy water and sludgy bubbles trickled down Ashton's nude body.

Brody then dragged Ashton into a nearby stall, took a piss that he had been hankering to take since lunch, but didn't because Brody ALWAYS took a long time to piss, and he needed to get class, so he just held it. He then picked up Ashton's body, and sat him onto his very own porcelain throne. Both seats were up, so Ashton's posterior just slid into the urine-filled water. Brody then forcefully slammed both seats onto his legs. Brody then pulled out his duct tape that he only used for "Emergency purposes", and he duct-taped Ashton's legs around the interior of the toilet, so that when he came to, he would not be able to get back up; unless he was on steroids. In plain terms, Ashton wouldn't be getting up for a long fucking time.

Brody, satisfied with his work, did nothing but creepily cackled as he made his way to the auditorium, looking to get revenge on EVERY brony in that room for kicking him out of the meeting. Not only that, but also DISAGREEING with him.

As soon as Brody stepped foot back into the auditorium, he was dog-piled, and then, gang-raped, and then spanked by Nathan while Zane tickled his pecs with a feather. Brody pissed himself laughing but would ultimately have nightmares for a month from being spanked by Nathan.

And then, all of a sudden, everybody realized they were humans and not some fucked up characters derived from a Stephen King film, or novel. Either way, they were humans, and not sadists.

"Wow.....Ummmm...This looks bad...." Kyler said, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. He couldn't figure out why he just did what he just did. Did the power of Christ compel him?

"Yeaaahhhh....." Curtis said, wanting to go home and never have this situation get brought up again. "Sorry about all of that, Brody...."

Brody just waved this off, like he was used to getting gang raped or something. "Eh, it's no big deal, guys. This type of stuff happened at Eureka ALL the time...." Damn, I just guessed, too. I'm beast.

"I say we just go home, and forget this ever happened. Tye said. "We aren't cut out to run these meetings without Freddie. You were right, Brody."

"I'm glad you guys FINALLY see it my way...."

"Yup! And it only took a crap-load of carnage, too!" Zane said, trying to laugh this situation off. Meanwhile, inside, even someone as perverted as Zane Dotson was bawling.

Kyler then cleared his throat, meaning Zane should shut up. "Yyyyyeeaaahhhhh......Bye!"

Every brony then ran home to rethink their lives. Meanwhile, Ashton had woke up in the bathroom.

"G-guys....? Can anybody help me out here? I'm covered in soapy bubbles, my legs are taped to this toilet....Oh god....I'm in a toilet! BLOODY HELL! I'VE GOT PISS ON ME! PLEASE! SOMEBODY HELP ME, PLEASE!!!!!"

The school janitor, Marty was whistling a catchy tune as he ignored Ashton's cries for help. He walked into the auditorium to clean it up. It usually never NEEDED to be cleaned, but ho FUCK, was today a special day.....

With one look at the disheveled mess the auditorium had been deduced to, and one blink of his eye, Marty, had made up his mind. "I'm not cleaning this shit." He then locked the doors, and continued to whistle that same catchy tune as earlier.

"H-hey! I hear someone whistling....Whoever that is, please help me! H-hey.....The whistling stopped...." Realization then settled in for Ashton Wall. "NO! PLEASE! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE TO DIE! I HAVE A SCHNAUZER AT HOME THAT LIKES TO LAY ON MY SHOULDERS! DON'T YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH I HAVE TO LIVE FOR?!" He then started to sob uncontrollably. "WON'T SOMEBODY SAAAAAVEEE MEEEEEE!?!??!"

SHUT THE FUCK UP AND WALK IT OFF, GIRL-PANTS.

Meanwhile.....

Cash Saver.....

Before Freddie and Austin could go home to their DELICIOUS Domino's pizza, they had to stop at Cash Saver. Because Freddie and Austin were two teenagers, and while Austin didn't eat like a pig, he HAD to eat. Ya know, so he could live...? Yeah, there's always that factor floating around. So they were at Cash Saver to buy a crap-load of food (Junk-food of course), and gorge on it whenever they felt it was necessary.

"I'm going to go pick out a bunch of chips for you boys," Freddie's Mom said. Yup, that's her name, Freddie's Mom; and that's just how it is. "Why don't you two look around a bit?"

"Okay, mom." Freddie said as he already had begun to think about ice-skating with Morgan Manning, and then taking her back to his hotel afterwards to show her his "Sk8er boi." Ha! Get it? Cuz it's an Avril Lavinge song and-Dammit THEY'RE GONNA FUCK!!!!!

"Yes, Mrs. Hediger." Austin said as Freddie's Mom walked off with their cart.

"You know, we're going to have to discuss all the shit that's happened in the past hour when we get home." Freddie pointed out.

Austin sighed. "Unfortunately, we do.....We need a gameplan...."

Freddie nodded in agreement. "Hell yeah, we do....." For some odd reason, Freddie stopped what he was saying when he saw a hot ass out of the corner of his eye at the fruit section.

Austin noticed his friend's gawking, and rolled his eyes. "You've already got Morgan....Isn't that enough?"

"First off, I don't HAVE Morgan...." He then smiled. "Yet....Secondly, I am a teenage boy....When I see a hot ass on a WOMAN, not a MAN but a WOMAN, I'll stare...."

Freddie then walked up to the woman, and thank GOD it was a woman as Freddie could tell, and decided to strike up a friendly conversation with her about....Well, his real plan was to push over a cantaloupe and out of the kindness of this hottie's heart, she would bend over and pick it up, thus giving Freddie a fantastic view of her rear. But no, the dumbass had to TALK first because he had no idea what he was doing.

"So....Ummm...I see you're at the fruit section...." He began as he rolled some nearby tangerines in their crate. "What's your favorite kind of fruit? Ya know, I'm just curious....."

The woman giggled, and Freddie took notice of how SEXY her giggle was. But when the woman turned to face Freddie, he shat bricks, and when he shat bricks, he fell backwards into the cantaloupe's, knocking them all over; one of them even fell onto one of his nuts.

Mrs. Lampkin gasped. "Freddie! Are you okay?" She then helped Freddie up and he griped in pain.

Freddie couldn't help but smile at his Health teacher, she was just....So pretty. Crazy, but beautiful. But he couldn't believe SHE was here! He couldn't believe he didn't take note of the red jump-suit this "Mysterious" woman was wearing. He never thought for a moment, perhaps that was HER! WHO THE FUCK ELSE WEARS A RED JUMP-SUIT?! NOBODY! Cuz that combination of clothing.....IS FUCKING ATROCIOUS!

"I am now...." Freddie replied, as he took one deep, happy sigh of relief.

Mrs. Lampkin gasped again when Austin came up to Freddie's side. Austin was sweating because he had HOPED he wouldn't run into this woman....Well, possibly EVER again!

"Hi there, Austin! Wooooww.....I never expected to see you BOTH here at once!" Of course, she was lying, as the crazy bitch FOLLOWED them to Cash Saver, but there was no way Freddie and Austin could've known that. "Are you two having a sleepover?"

Freddie and Austin blushed at the word "sleepover." Only 8 year olds would call "hanging out with someone" a "sleepover." It was forbidden for ALL teenagers, no matter the gender.

"We're just hanging out, Mrs. Lampkin...." Freddie said with a nervous chuckle.

"That is so CUTE!" Mrs. Lampkin replied with a wide smile. "I think it's great that you two have such a strong friendship! I sincerely hope, nothing EVER tries to break the iron clad bond that you two have!"

"Even though you were trying to break that bond not even an hour ago...." Austin thought angrily.

"Hehe. Thank you for the support, Lamppost." Freddie replied.

"Oh! But how could I NOT support my two FAVORITE students? Everything you two do will ALWAYS get a thumbs up from me! But, to answer your question, Freddie.....My favorite fruit, is the banana...."

"Oh god...." Freddie thought. "A hot woman, holding a banana? And HERE come the dirty thoughts!"

"W-why a banana?" Austin asked.

"I'm glad you asked, Austin!" Mrs. Lampkin replied. "Well, not only does it contain Potassium, an important resource for your body, but, it also reminds me of my FAVORITE part of the human body....."

Freddie gulped, knowing where his Health teacher was going, and knowing this would be a STUPID question to ask. "W-which body part....."

"The penis." Mrs. Lampkin said like it was the only word she said 24/7. "I just LOVE the way the penis looks....How it's structured....The fact they can come in all different shapes and size, and COLORS! I LOVE variety! I love what the penis represents, and what the penis can do for a woman....Not ONLY pleasure them, but the penis can bring human life into the world. A living, breathing, human being! It's so incredible how it works.....Oh, and not to mention, the TASTE! Mmmmmm! I know what you boys are thinking...."How can a PENIS taste great?" Well, while I wouldn't recommend two STRAIGHT young men like yourselves to stick a penis into your mouth, if you think REALLY hard, very VERY hard....You can make a penis, taste like ANYTHING you want...."

"REALLY????" Austin and Freddie asked at the same time, SOMEHOW interested in this whole spiel about.....Penis. What were they? Gay? Freddie going out with Morgan? It's OBVIOUSLY just a ploy on the art of him so we don't THINK he's nothing more than a homo. What a fuck he is. A sneaky, clever fuck.

"Oh yes! It's called Peniscology!" Mrs. Lampkin explained. "Of course, I ALWAYS make sure the penis in my mouth tastes like Bananas. Nothing tastes as good as bananas!"

Freddie WANTED to disagree with that statement, but when a sexy chica is holding a banana in her grasp, you'd NORMALLY tend to agree with her. "I can't disagree with you on that!" Austin nodded in response.

Mrs. Lampkin giggled. "Well, since you two boys not only seem so interested in Peniscology, but also learning about sex, would you mind if I showed you how I give a blowjob?"

"Daaayuuummm..." Freddie thought. "She works fast! Almost TOO fast...."

"I don't think that's a good idea!" Austin immediately blurted out. Mrs. Lampkin looked sad by this.

"Y-yeah....I mean, I'm sure you give a MEAN blow-job Lamppost, it's just......I don't feel comfortable with pulling down my pants in HERE of all pla-"

Freddie was interrupted by Mrs. Lampkin's laughter. "Oh, boys! Yes, my offer still stands about me teaching you all you need to know about the human body....But....In HERE? No, no, no, no, no....This isn't the place for that....I was just going to demonstrate on this banana...."

Freddie and Austin gave eachother nervous look. Should they REALLY condone a Health teacher to peel open a banana and start sucking on it right in Cash Saver? What if Freddie's Mom caught them? And also, just what the FUCK happened to the "You lick it you buy it" policy?!

"W-well....I guess it's....Harmless enough..." Austin said as he was starting to wish they would have never even CAME to Cash Saver today.

Freddie wanted to see Mrs. Lampkin go to town on a banana more than ANYTHING, he was just worried about the consequences of such a thing....Didn't Mrs. Lampkin WORRY about getting caught doing something like this?

"Ah....Fuck it!" Freddie thought. "You only live once, anyway!"

"If you're worried about how the banana feels about this.....Well, don't. Bananas don't have feelings, boys!" Mrs. Lampkin reassured with a troll face.

"Yeah, because I didn't know that already...." Austin thought.

"You're right, Lamppost!" Freddie said with REAL enthusiasm. "Show that banana what real women are made of!"

Mrs. Lampkin now grew a sinister expression on her face. "Oh.....I INTEND to...." She then unpeeled the banana, and began her demonstration.

"Well, first, I start out by VERY slowly licking the tip with my tongue, like so...." Mrs. Lampkin then began to lick the tip of the banana with her tongue about as fast as a Turtle takes to jog a marathon.

"Uh huh...." Freddie said, his mind (and dick) now paying FULL attention to the spectacle happening in front of him.

"Then, I SLOOOOWWWLLLYYYY go down the shaft with my lips...." Mrs. Lampkin then began to kiss the banana once every centimeter. "After that, I begin to tickle the testicles with my tongue. And, since bananas have no testicles, well.....I'm sure you boys can put that image into your head."

"Uh huh...." Both Freddie and Austin said simultaneously. And it was TRUE, at that moment in time, the only thing plastered into both Freddie and Austin's mind, was the image of Mrs. Lampkin using her tongue as a racket to hit the "birdie's" in a game of badminton. Needless to say, Mrs. Lampkin was dominating. Freddie welcomed this image with open arms, while Austin wanted that image to back the hell off.

"Then, I twirl my tongue AAAAAALLLLLL the way around the perimeter of the penis.......HOUR and HOUR and HOUR and HOUR agay....." Mrs. Lampkin said as she pretended she was the toilet giving that banana a swirly. And yeah, she only said "HOUR and HOUR and HOUR and HOUR agay" because usually, NORMAL people can't talk right when their tongue is out. Just clarifying that Mrs. Lampkin does NOT think hours are gay! Mrs. Lampkin likes hours VERY much, actually; you're welcome.

"Then back to the top....." Mrs. Lampkin then barely slid her mouth over the banana as a teaser, like it could actually enjoy this or something.

By now, Freddie's dick had grown so much, it could pop a hole in his trousers any minute. People could see the bulge in his pants from the parking lot, and they probably were seeing it.

Austin was mesmerized, he knew it was wrong to be watching this, but, he had never actually SEEN something like this.....Surely it couldn't hurt to watch a littl longer......

"Now I wet my lips....." Mrs. Lampkin swirled her tongue around the tip of the banana a few times. "I do a little playful nibble...." She brought her two main front and two main bottom teeth down onto the VERY top of the banana, you couldn't even see it, but you KNEW she was still making contact with the banana.

"And THEN, I slip it in my mouth..." Mrs. Lampkin crammed the banana into her mouth slowly, and then brought it back out. She would continue to do this many more times, each time getting faster and faster. She was beginning to moan at how incredible it felt to be doing this in front of her two favorite students.

And suddenly, something inside Austin's mind awoke him. Something saying, "Get the fuck out of there! That crazy bitch is trying to hypnotize you with her mouth tricks! It's not worth it, man....Run!"

Freddie was in heaven watching this whole thing. His eyes were nearly glazed over, as gallons of drools were being produced by the second. Austin began to push Freddie away from the scene before he had a heat stroke. However, Freddie thought more than Austin was expecting. You'd think a horny, out of it teenager would let you push him away from something like this easily, but the testosterone inside Freddie gave him the will to fight....A lot.

In the end, no horny teenager can defeat the power of....SMART THINKING! As Austin heaved Freddie into the cereal aisle. Freddie sat down, and began to catch his breath.

"Wait!" Mrs. Lampkin said as she quickly popped the banana out of her mouth. "Boys! Come back! My demonstration wasn't over yet!" Mrs. Lampkin frowned. That felt SO good, and surprisingly, having an audience, made it even better. When was the last time she had even given a blow-job? Ugh, she couldn't remember, but that banana refreshed her memory.

Mrs. Lampkin smirked now. "Oh well, I believe they get the point....When the time does come, for class to be in session, those boys know that I can show them a good time. A better time than they EVER could have imagined." Mrs. Lampkin turned around, beginning to make her exit, but she was met with the perverted and creepy gazes of multiple men.

"Ya know..." One hick with a piece of straw in his mouth (because it's Missouri.) said. "Ah really enjoyed yur performance. Ya'll don't have to stop so soon. Them boys don't undastand what you just showed them......BUT AH DO."

"I would give you the world and everything that came with it if you can suck OTHER things as good as you just sucked that banana....." Another creepy guy said.

"HURR HURR SUCK MAH DIK, HURR HURR." Another uneducated bumpkin said as his eyes spun around in circles.

That one hick elbowed THAT hick in the gut, whispering to him to "play it cool." "Uhhhh....Little missy what he MEANT to say WAS....Ah mean, ya'll can always continue yur performance on US."

Mrs. Lampkin rose an eyebrow. "You want me to pretend your penises are BANANAS?" All of the men frantically shook their heads at once. "Who do you think I am, a Brothel employee? You're all disgusting pigs....I'm MARRIED!"

"Ajeeeuhhh....Da wut?" One hick said. "Murried?"

"Yes! Aren't all of you married?" All of the men shook their heads. "Ugh! Pathetic! Go home and tell your wives to do that to you!" Mrs. Lampkin said as she began to walk away.

"But......OUR WIVES ARE UGLEH!" One hick screamed, but Mrs. Lampkin was already out of Cash Saver.

"DAMMIT, Cletus! Ya'll dun scared that purty lady away with your "SUCK MAH DIK" talk!"

"Wuuuuuuuutttttt? Ah was tryin' to get us laid! Women like a DIRECT approach, HURR HURR."

"YOU DUMB SUMMA BITCH! SHE AIN'T A WHORE OR NUDDIN'!"

"Well, she WAS sucking on a banana in front of two MINORS...." Smart but also creepy guy said.

"STAY OUTTA THIS, POIIINNNDEEEXXTTEERR. AH WOULDA GOT LAID IF IT WEREN'T FOR THIS IDJIT."

"Wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut did ya just call meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh?"

"AH CALLED YA'LL AN IDJIT!"

"Wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutttttttttttttttttt did ya-"

"IDJIT!"

"Wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt did-"

"IDJIT!!!!"

"WUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

"YA'LL IS A GODDAMN IDJIT! A GOOD FUR NUDDIN' IDJIT!"

That "Wut" hick just blank. "That's what ah THOUGHT ya'll just called meh......" There was a pause, and then, those two hicks threw uppercuts at eachother at the same time. Then, sooner or later, another hit took smarty guy down to the ground, and within a minute, all the other hicks were scrapping. A Pier 6 brawl that could not be contained at erupted at Cash Saver. What else is new?

A random hobo came out of nowhere, and noticed the banana, unpeeled, and uneaten by this eyes on the floor.

"Hmmmmm........This must be my lucky day!" He said with a wide smile and he jammed the banana into his mouth and swallowed it, peel and all, without even chewing.

All of the hicks had stopped fighting, and looked at the hobo licking his lips.

"Dat.....Dat summa bitch ATE that banana...." One hick said in a whisper with a tear in his eye.

"Wh.....Wh....WHA WOULD HE DOOOOOOOOO THAT?"

"Cuz he's a no good.....Banana eatin' IDJIT!"

"Yeh! Let's git 'em!"

At once, all of the hicks ran over to the hobo. The hobo smiled, thinking they were going to pay him some much needed tribute.

"Spare some chhaaannn-" But the hobo never got to say the hobo's signature catchphrase, as all of the hicks and the smarty guy had dog-piled onto him and were now beating the crap out of him.

"YA'LL ATE THE BANANA DAT PURTY LADY LICKED ON!"

"IS YA'LL STOOPED?! YA'LL GETTIN' AIDS NOW!"

"IDJIT! IDJIT! IDJIT! IDJIT!"

"Would you STOP crying before your mom gets back?" Austin whispered, trying to calm Freddie down.

"B-but.....She was just about to reach her climax, too!" Freddie sobbed.

"Something tells me she was FAR from over...." Austin said as he rolled his eyes.

"B-but....You enjoyed it! It took you FOREVER to drag me away! H-how could you DO that?!"

Austin facepalmed. "Oh please.....You would have fainted if you had been there another second....I mean, look at you! You're still sweating!"

"So many dreams...." Freddie whispered.

"What?" Asked Austin, who didn't know what Freddie meant by that.

"So many dreams.....I've watched Mrs. Lampkin suck on a banana, waiting, WAITING for the day I'd get to witness it in the flesh.....TODAY was that day.....And you RUINED it!"

Austin sighed. "How was it, though?"

"IT WAS GLORIOUS." Freddie said with wide eyes. "Better than I ever could have imagined......"

"Well, hey, at least you got to see it." Austin said, trying to look on the bright side.

"It's not enough....." Freddie said with a heavy sigh. "I'm gonna have to bring a banana to school on Monday..."

"That doesn't sound like a good idea..." Austin said, giving Freddie shifty eyes.

"What? TO EAT, DIP-WAD!"

Austin just stared at Freddie, not believing a word he was saying, and for good reason.

"Okay, maybe not!" Freddie finally admitted. "But still......Yeah! I'm doing it! You're not my mom! UP YOUR ASS, PALLY!"

"Better stop cussing..." Austin warned in a whisper. "Here comes your mom...." Goosebumps immediately spread across Freddie's arms, as he didn't want to be caught with all that garbage spewin' outta his mouth. Then he'd have to chew some Orbit. Eeeeewww, Orbit......

"Strange...." Freddie's Mom said, examining the hicks and smart guy who were now biting on the hobo's nipples erratically. "Wonder why all of those men are fighting...."

"Don't know, mom..." Freddie replied with a shrug. "Let's just go home....Violence scares me."

"Oh you freaking liar...." Austin thought.

It's like he knows.....

A few hours later.....

The Hediger Household.....

"Hey Fred!" Freddie repeated as he read a message someone had sent him. Who was it? Shut up, piss-foot! I ain't telling you because this way it establishes a sheer force of surprise. "Looks like my dad won't let me drive anywhere outside of St. Clair. :( Well, he said he would drive me there, either way. Can you get your mom or dad to drive you there?"

If you haven't figured it out, that message was from Morgan Manning. Of course you figured it out, though, because it's called CONTINUITY....And this story HAS IT.

"You should go ask them." Austin suggested as he continued to play "The Walking Dead."

Freddie gritted his teeth. He could hear his mom and dad from inside the confines of his room, and it sounded like they were having a heated argument. They had at least one argument a day, Freddie's parents did. It usually lasted 2 minutes, and then, it fizzled out. Freddie's parents weren't BAD parents....I guess you could say.....They never shut their damn mouths.

Freddie sighed. "Alright, I'm going in...." Freddie opened the door, and of course, the constant nagging got louder. It didn't help that Freddie's dad was already drunk....It wasn't even 6 P.M. yet, and the bastard was already drunk! That's smarts.

"Mom! Dad!" Freddie yelled louder than his parents ever could have imagined.

"Yes, Freddie?" Mom said in an innocent voice, almost like she WASN'T bursting her throat vessels a few seconds ago.

"Can you take me to Skaterz tomorrow? At around 5?"

"Nuh uh..." Dad said, belching loudly. "I don't have a license...." His speech was slurred, so what actually came out, was "Ur unt uve ur hisince..."

"That's because you're always drunk!" Mom yelled.

"Eh.....Shut up, bitch!" Dad yelled back.

"This is such a lost cause...." Freddie thought. With a sigh, he wandered back into his room and shut the door.

"Well?" Austin asked. "Did you get an answer?"

"Nope. It's a war-zone out there...." Austin chuckled. "I'll get it tomorrow...."

Freddie then began to type back to Morgan. "My mom says yes. The date is still on."

Moments later, Morgan replied back. "Good. :) I can't wait."

"Me either...." Freddie typed with dreamy eyes. And really, he FELT like he was in a dream. He was to go on a date with the most beautiful girl in the world tomorrow. This COULDN'T have been real....But it was....

"Let me get on Facebook." Austin said, pausing "The Walking Dead." Freddie stepped aside and let Austin log onto Facebook. "I've got one new message. Huh. Wonder who it's from....." When Austin checked, his eyes widened.

"Well, DAMN...." Freddie replied, obviously sounding jealous. "Why doesn't Mrs. Lampkin EVER message me?"

"I wouldn't doubt that you'll be getting a message from her shortly...." Austin pointed out. "She seems obsessed with BOTH of us now...."

"I'll be waiting....." Freddie read aloud. "Awww....And then she gives you a winky face! That's precious!"

"Freddie, this is serious...." Austin said, glaring at Freddie.

Freddie sighed. "I know, I know...."

"I have to go to the bathroom. I don't feel like being on Facebook right now, it's tainted...." Austin said as he left the room.

A sly smile grew on Freddie's face. He sat down, and decided he would give Mrs. Lampkin a piece of "his", truthfully, Austin's, mind.

"I can't wait either, Mrs. Lampkin...." Freddie typed. "I'm going to ram you so hard...." And then, he sent it. "Oh god, when Austin finds out I typed this....I'm fucked...." Freddie then logged out of Austin's account, and logged back in to his own. He then noticed the time, it was 5:58! Less then two minutes before the Season 3 premiere of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic! Luckily, Austin would come back in with a minute to spare. Freddie already had the TV on, waiting for the cue of the greatest theme song in Cartoon history....

I troll you not, the theme song to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, is the single GREATEST theme song from any cartoon-No, ANY TV Show.....EVER! Wait, no.....COPS' theme song is awesome, too! "OH! Bad Boys!" Nah, Ponies beat those try-hard, doughnut gobblers ANY DAY!

"Oh crap!" Austin said, looking at the clock on Freddie's wall. "Good thing you were ready, because it's almost time for the show to start..."

"SHHHHHHHHHH SHUT THE FUCK UP WEHGWEFGEFGEFJ!!!!!!!"

"But the show hasn't st-"

"HUUUUUUUUUUBLUBLUFWGEFHFVEFVHGEFGKTJFAGG0T!"

Austin just sighed. "Fine I'll be-"

"MY LITTLE PONY! MY LITTLE PONY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! MY LITTLE POOONYY!!!!!!!!!!!!" Freddie began to SCREAM the theme song in his heavy metal voice, not caring if the F.B.I. was called in to detain him.

Austin shielded his ears with the pillow, but that couldn't drown out the excruciating pain his eardrums were currently going through. About 20 seconds later, the torture stopped, as Freddie breathed heavily....

"WHY WERE YOU SCREAMING THE THEME SONG?!" Austin shouted.

Freddie crossed his arms. "Hmph. There's no need to yell...."

"WHATEVER!" Austin yelled. "YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A HYPOCRITE!"

Freddie sighed with happiness. "Either way, not even your overbearing screams of terror can ruin this day.....I wish we could go to Equestria.....This world is so fucked up...."

"Well, that's true. But that's just not possible...."

"Still, though, I WISH......" Freddie clenched his eyes hard.

"So do I, actually....Just to see if it's worse there than here on earth."

"It can't be. There's no way....."

"Well, it's too bad we'll never be able to find out....."

"Yeah, it really is...." Freddie then sighed. "Oh well...We can dream, at leas-Wait WHAT THE FUCK?!" Freddie and Austin, for SOME reason, began to levitate to the top of the ceiling.

"What's going on?!" Austin shouted.

"I have no id-OH MY GOD.....WE'RE TURNING ALBINO!" Freddie added as both he and Austin's skin began to turn snow white.

"I think the Mayans may have gotten the date wrong....." Austin joked.

"THIS IS NO TIME TO JOKE, AUSTIN! We're obviously going to get our 72 virgins!"

"I thought you said no jokes..." Austin dead-panned.

"I wasn't joking! I'm serious!" Freddie replied joyfully. "72 VIRGINS....HERE WE CO-"

And before Freddie could finish his sentence, both he and Austin were dissipated off of the Earth. Where they were, was anybodies' guess. But, probably hell, since the bastards dared to doubt the power of the Norwegian Gopher Lord. Yes, that's a thing. Bing it. Wait, no one uses Bing......

.....I QUIT.

Many minutes later after them two retards stop sleeping on the job.....

Freddie felt around until he was able to pound on....Something with his fist. It felt soft, and the air around him smelled....Fresh and pure. He couldn't see shit; everything was black. He felt to the side of him, and he could feel a body. Was it Austin? One of his virgins? He hoped it was one of his virgins, but yeah, Austin'd be pretty cool too, ya know. The body turned, and mumbled something that sounded squeaky.

"Yup..." Freddie thought. "Totally Austin..." With all of his strength, Freddie was able to finally pry his eyes open. The first thing he saw, was Austin's hand beginning to touch his face. Freddie immediately jumped back.

"Hey, motherfucker! You aren't blind....You can say hello without feeling up my features!"

"Freddie? Is that you?" Austin asked, as he wasn't able to see, either. "Speak to me!"

"Wake the fuck up, mother-lover!" Freddie said, using his fingers to pry Austin's eyes open. A little harsh, I guess, BUT THE BASTARD NEEDED TO WAKE UP.

"I could've done that myself...." Austin griped, rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah, but you DIDN'T." Freddie replied, he then noticed the new form Austin had taken on..... "Holy shit......"

"YOU'RE A PONY!" The two yelled simultaneously. "Niiiiicceee..." They then said.

HAHA I TRICKED YOU GUYS BY PUTTING SENTENCES LIKE "They used their fingers" SO YOU'D THINK THEY ACTUALLY STILL HAD FINGERS HAHA YOU FELL FOR IT HAHA DUMMIES.

"But really.....Are we dreaming?!" Austin asked. "Are we actually in...?"

"There is no way!" Freddie replied. "This may LOOK like Equestria, but this could be any other hum-butt world from any other hum-butt cartoon....THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME!"

"Yeah, but....WE'RE PONIES...."

"Ummmm....Side effeeeccttsss?" Freddie tried to make sense of this while shrugging.

"Freddie....."

"Yeah?"

"We're in Equestria."

"You're probably right."

"Wait...That's it? You agree with me that easily?"

"Well, we ARE ponies, dude.....There is no other logical explanation. We aren't in a damn petting zoo, we are talking, we have cutie mark-Wait....YOU don't have a cutie mark! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You're a blank flank! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAfuckingloserAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

"You don't have one either...." Austin replied in annoyance. Freddie then sat on the ground and began to sob.

"What are we gonna DO?" Freddie asked to either Austin, or some GOD which wouldn't answer him back. "Our...Our wish came true! Even if this IS a dream, which I doubt, we're still IN Equestria! Our wish came true!"

"Wishes come true all the time, but NO wishes like this....Not only is this INCREDIBLE, but I feel....Kind of frightened...."

"I'm with you, man....The power of the wish makes my dick shrivel! I don't like this.....What are we supposed to do? WE HAVE NO CUTIE MARKS! And we're new! They'll probably cast us off as some aliens or creepy species and send us to the Gallows!"

"I don't think that cartoon ponies could be THAT mean...."

"What if Equestria isn't what is shown on MLP? What if everyone is a bunch of assholes? What if-" Freddie gasped. "What if......Twilight Sparkle....Has a different color scheme?!" Dun, dun, and another dun for good measure.

"Well, there's Pinkie Pie over there....She looks fine....."

Freddie's eyes immediately darted to the position Austin was pointing at. Freddie could see Pinkie Pie humming off into the distance.

Freddie squealed with joy. "I'M GONNA GO HUG HER. LATER!"

"Wait!" Austin yelled in whisper form. "We have to formulate a plan! We can't just go running into town like we own the place? We don't have cutie marks....Remember?"

"FUCK CUTIE MARKS PRETTY PONE MUST HUG BYE." Freddie jumbled up all of those words together as he trotted towards Pinkie Pie. NEVER try to stop Freddie from hugging cute pone; he'll just blow you off like a piece of lint on a iguana's dick. Hmmmm...That made little to no sense at all, but it sounds so right that I'm going with it.

Pinkie Pie stopped hopping, and turned her head when she saw this random pony she had never seen before barreling towards her.

"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie! What's your name? Are you new in to-"

Pinkie was interrupted by being tackled to the ground by Freddie. Freddie was about to hug the bouncy pony harder than he had ever hugged anything else, but he never got the chance, as Pinkie mistook this gesture as a threat, she yelled out, "AAAAAHHH! Somepony help me! This colt is trying to murder meeeeeeeee!"

"What? M-murder you.....No! I just wanted to hug-"

Freddie would never speak another sentence again, as he died from unknown reasons.

LOLNOPE.

Hours later.......

Freddie awoke to the rattling of chains. Who was making that noise? And once again, for the second time in a matter of hours, Freddie couldn't see a damn thing.

"I think he's awake...." Freddie could hear a voice, which sounded like Rainbow Dash's.

"Stand your ground, girls; these two are obviously HIGHLY dangerous...." He heard another voice, which sounded like Twilight Sparkle's.

"Wait....Two?" Freddie thought. "Did they capture Austin, as well?" Freddie KNEW it! Equestria was full of nothing more than a bunch of ASSHOLES!

"And worst of ALL...." Freddie thought. "I didn't even get my 72 virgins!"

------TO BE CONTINUED------