The Courier in Equestria

The Courier and the four ponies hid behind a large rock. The manticore was only a few dozen metres behind them.

"Okay, we're being chased by the retarded offspring of five radscoprions that had butt sex with a deathclaw". The Courier said.

"Well do you have a plan, whatever you are?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"No, not yet, I haven't finished talking."

"Well hurry up."

"Okay, yes, right. You, rainbow haired thing, protect these three, if anything bad happens to them I'll hold you personally responsible twice."

"Fine,what are you going to do?!" Rainbow Dash yelled.

"I dunno, I'll do a thing."

"What thing?"

"It's a thing in progress, respect the thing."

"Ah yes of course! I have the Holy Frag Grenade!" The Courier pulled out one of his three Holy Frag Grenades from a pocket in the coat of his Elite Riot gear.

The manticore burst through the bushes roaring in pain from the bullet wounds the Courier had given it.

The manticore roared again. The Courier ran out from behind the rock.

"Hey look at me I'm a target!" He yelled as he waved his arms around. The manticore roared in the Courier's general direction.

"First take out the pin, then count to five, no, wait, three."

The manticore ran towards the Courier with great speed.

"One. Two. Five! No wait, three!" The Courier lobbed the Holy Frag Grenade at the manticore, which then proceeded to be blown into tiny bits.

"And that's how we get shit done in the Mojave!" The Courier flipped off the tiny bits of exploded manticore.

Rainbow Dash and the Cutie Mark Crusaders poked their heads up from behind the rock.

"You killed it?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Yeah." The Courier replied like it was no big deal.

"How could you do that?" She was pissed.

"Well I pulled the pin, then I threw it at the retarded offspring of five radscorpions that had butt sex with a deathclaw."

"How many other things have you killed?" She asked with anger in her voice.

"Including other people?"

"People?"

"I'll take that as a yes. At least five hundred of everything, excluding the two things I've killed since I got here."

"Wait you've killed other things here?" She sounded even more pissed.

"Yeah, the five headed lizard thing, how do you think I met those three?" He said casually.

"He did save our lives." Scootaloo said.

"Wait, you saved them? From a hydra?" Her level of pissed off was slowly decreasing.

"Well of course I did. Haven't you seen how adoreable they are?"

A smile crept up Rainbow's face. "Ya know what alien? You're alright."

"Please, call me Courier."

"You deliver mail?" Rainbow asked.

"Not exactly, it's a long storty."

"C'mon Courier, I think you should meet my friend Twilight." She pointed in the direction of ponyville.

"Is Twilight a homosexual vampire that sparkles and is in love with some emo bitch?"

"Umm, no?"

"Good. That's the worst kind of Twilight."

The Courier and his pony companions walked to the edge of the forest.

"Scoots, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle will come with me to Twilight's place, I'll bring her back here. Nopony knows what'll happen if anypony sees you in Ponyvile."

"Whatever you think is best." The Courier shrugged.

Lyra was taking a walk by the edge of the forest. It was her favourite place to sit and play her lyre while she daydreamed about meeting humans. She was headed towards the place where she normally did this when the she laid her eyes on the greatest thing she had ever seen in her entire life. There, sitting on a rock, was a human. A living. Breathing.  Just sitting ther holding something that vaguely resembled a human face in it's beatiful hands Human. Lyra squeed and ran towards the human as fast as she could.

"A HUMAN! A HUMAN A HUMAN A HUMAN!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! I'VE FINALLY FOUND ONE!!! YOU HAVE TO COME WITH ME TO TOWN!!! NOW EVERYPONY WILL BELIEVE ME!!! I KNEW I WAS RIGHT!!! OH BON BON'S NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS!!!" She grabbed one of the Courier's hands with her mouth, causing him to drop his helmet.

"No! Wait! You don't understand! I have to stay here! It's important!"