With A Little Help From My Friends

The sun hung low over the horizon, creating a bright orange and pink sky. Applejack and I had managed to put a good dent in what we had to harvest. It was a long day, but completely worth the 200 bits Applejack told me she would pay me for that day. She was able to harvest double the amount of apples she would harvest alone on a regular day. There were two more trees up ahead on a small hill.

“Race ya!” Applejack said as she bolted for the hill. I had lost the race already. I’m a two-hundred pound sixteen year old and she’s a pony. I ran anyway though. I made it to the hill just a few seconds after she got there.

“You had me set up for a loss from the start!” I said as I caught my breath.

“Heh heh, I know, sugar cube.” Applejack replied. We bucked the two trees that sat atop the hill and smiled at each other. I went and sat down on the slope of the hill facing the sun. In the fields below were seemingly hundreds of apple trees. The view was truly breath taking.

Indeed, you always had some weird ass fetish for sunsets over forests and night skies with lots of stars, didn’t you?

Eeyup. That means you do too, dipshit.

No, those aren’t my fetishes, would you like to see some examples?

No. Fuck off.

“What d’you reckon a' this here view?” She said pointing a hoof out towards the setting sun.

“Wait, we don’t have to go harvest all those trees right now, do we?” I said with a slightly worried tone in my voice.

If she thinks we are, she gotta be mad as ass…

“No, no, no.” Applejack replied “We’ll be startin’ with them there trees tomorrah, don’t you worry yer little head about that.” She said patting me on the head. She sat down next to me and looked at the sunset.

“So, Jimmy, d’ya miss your mom or any a yer family?”

“Huh? Oh, well… I don’t really know… I mean, I guess I miss my mom a little bit… That’s about it though. Even that isn’t very much though.” I replied.

You emotionless cunt.

“But why? She’s yer ma, from what it sounded like th’ other night, yer dad wasn’t that much of a dad. She cared fer ya, didn’t she?”

“Yeah, she did care. She cared a lot. But, I guess I don’t miss her because our family was really dysfunctional to begin with. Even after dad left, not much changed. I mean, yeah, dad wasn’t around, so that much was different. After a little while I started just doing stuff on my own, instead of with mom and my sis.”

“Was she yer younger sis or older?”

“Younger. She’s half my age. We were never close. I don’t know what’s happening back home, but I don’t want to think about it either.”

“But why? I just don’t understan’ how someone can be so distant from their family when their family loves them.”

Pfft, no shit you don’t understand. Your family is completely functional and you are all close. Mine was always dysfunctional. Honestly, I don’t even know how the fuck my mother and father got together.

“I really dunno, Applejack. I haven’t thought about them because, well… My life’s been a lot better over the past three days than it has been in the past three years, in fact, longer than that, the past four years. I know I’m never gonna get to see them again, so there’s no use dwelling on thoughts about them. I just gotta move forward.”

“Oh, Ah see what’cha mean now. Sorry for diggin’ around so much. Ah was just tryin’ t’ find out more about’cha.”

“It’s no problem, AJ.” I lay back on the hill and looked up at the sky. A few stars had appeared in the sky.

“Hey Jimmy,” I sat up and looked at Applejack who was standing by the tubs of apples “Think fast!” She said as she took an apple out of one of the tubs with her tail and batted it over to me, I caught it just before it could land on the ground behind me. I wiped it on my shirt and took a bite.

Best. Apple. Ever.

“This apple, it’s so juicy!” I exclaimed.

“As Ah said; best apples in all ‘Questria!” Applejack chuckled.

After a while, we brought back in the rest of the apples we’d harvested. Applejack asked me if I was gonna stay for dinner, but I gave her a rain check. I needed to go over to the library to ask Twilight about the Princesses wanting to meet us. I took out my iPod again and listened to music as I walked through Ponyville heading to the library. Ponies passing by greeted me with smiles and the occasional ‘hello’ as I passed.

Huh, I’ve only been here three days and now I’m a citizen. Cool stuff, bro.

It’s a nice change from stares and pointing, isn’t it?

Yeah, I guess the only reason it’s like that is because you haven’t killed anypony yet. Soon though.

The fuck?

. . .

You’re mad as fuck.

Yup.

I reached the library and knocked on the door. Pinkie answered the door.

“Hi Jimmy!” Pinkie said cheerfully as usual. I looked at her with a puzzled expression.

Retard, did you go to Sugar Cube Corner?

No, I could’ve sworn this was the library, hold on.

I took a step back and looked up at the tree to make sure I wasn’t actually at Sugar Cube Corner, which I wasn’t.

“What’s the matter?” Pinkie asked.

“Oh nothing, just making sure I’m not so tired I ended up walking back to Sugar Cube Corner instead of the library.” I said as I walked inside.

Because that’s something you would do.

Matt was sitting down with Twilight reading the book she got the passage from about humans in Equestria. With them sat a small purple dragon with green spikes.

EEK! LIZARD! The fuck? It’s purple! That’s weird man… Oh… OH!!! THAT’S WHO THAT IS!!! THAT’S THAT ONE DRAGON THAT’S SHIPPED WITH RARITY!!! RIGHT!!! OKAY!!! NOW I KNOW WHO THAT IS!!!

“Anyway Jimmy, I have to go back to Sugar Cube Corner, I just had to walk Matt over here, see ya!” Pinkie said as she hopped out the door humming a catchy little tune.

“See ya, Pinkie!” I shouted to her. I closed the door and walked into the main room where the others were. “Hey guys,” I began “What’s going on?”

“Who’s this guy?” asked the purple dragon.

Polite, aren’t we?

“Hi Jimmy. What brings you here?” Twilight asked. Matt was still reading the book in total concentration. “Oh, Spike, I just realised you haven’t met Jimmy. Jimmy, this is my number one assistant Spike. Spike, this is Jimmy.”

“Hey there Spike.” I said extending my hand to shake his.

Are you going to shake my hand or ask what a hand is in some kind of rude manner? Cunt.

“Hi Jimmy.” He replied shaking my hand.

EWWW SCALES EWWWWWW!!!

“Ever since Saturday, Twilight’s been searching everywhere to find a spell that can get you two back to your time. She’s also been trying to find as much as she can on human history. Thing is, hardly any books exist that are about humans.”

“Yeah, I’d guess so. By the sounds of World War Three, I’m surprised there even is still evidence of humans.” I replied looking at Matt who was still stuck in full concentration.

Well isn’t Matt just perfectly and completely engrossed in his book. What’d y’all do to him? Get him high as fuck? I bet ya ten bucks he isn’t even reading that book if he’s stoned.

“So, uhh… What’d you guys do to him?” I asked.

“We didn’t do anything, Twilight gave him this book to read about how Equestria was formed and he hasn’t moved since.” Spike replied.

“See Spike? Matt sees how interesting the history of Equestria is, why can’t you?” She asked.

“Because it’s boring!” Replied Spike. Twilight shook her head in disappointment. I chuckled.

Hey dipshit, you didn’t just come here to say hi and watch Matt be stoned off his ass while attempting to read.

Oh yes, thank you.

“Right, Twilight, you came by Sugar Cube Corner yesterday to tell us about how the princesses wanted to meet us?” I asked.

“Oh, right!” Twilight said looking away from the very studious Matt. “Yes, I sent a letter to my teacher, Princess Celestia, about the arrival of you and Matt in Ponyville. She was very surprised at how humans have ended up here in Equestria without creating some horrible dimensional rift somewhere. She wants to meet with you two soon.”

“Cool, so when do we get to meet her?”

“Well, it would seem we’re going to Canterlot on Saturday morning. The princess sent us train tickets that say our train leaves at 9 am Saturday morning… So… Yeah, Saturday! Heh heh… Yeah…” Twilight seemed very nervous.

I bet she’s nervous cuz she didn’t turn in a report and the princess is gonna punish her for being a naughty, naughty student… If you know what I mean…

“Uhh, Twilight? Are you okay? You seem on edge all of a sudden.” I asked. I wouldn’t let up asking if she said nothing was wrong, it was obvious that something was bugging her.

“What? Something wrong? Nothing’s wrong! No, everything’s great! I’m… Yeah…”

Nigga, pull this bitch together, she’s annoying me with her weirdness.

“Come with me for a second.” I said walking over to the door, the purple mare following. “Now, let’s pretend that you didn’t give a response just now to my question because you didn’t hear me. What’s the matter Twilight?”

“Ohhhh… I’m sorry, I’m just nervous about you guys meeting the Princesses.” Twilight replied.

Lawl why you nervous tho?

“Wait, why? We’re not gonna make fools of ourselves in front of them. Is that really what you’re worried about?”

We're not? That's unfortunate.

“No, no, I know you wouldn’t do that. I just haven’t seen Princess Celestia in a few months and I have a feeling that something’s wrong, she responded rather quickly to this letter. I mean…”

“Whoa, hold up Twilight.” I said putting a finger to her muzzle. “If there was something wrong, wouldn’t we have already gone to Canterlot to meet with her? Or she would’ve come here, don’t you think?”

Jesus, and I thought this bitch was intelligent.

“You’re right Jimmy, I’m sorry I started freaking out over nothing. I didn’t mean to alarm you.” She said.

“It’s okay, Twilight. I can understand why you’re nervous.” I said as I extended my arms to her to give her a hug, she came over and put her neck over my shoulder. “See? It’ll be okay, just keep calm about it and everything will be okay.”

We walked back over to Matt who had just closed the book. He stood up holding the book to his chest with both hands.

“Twilight, can I borrow this for a while?” He asked “Pleasepleaseplease?!?!!”

“Yeah, sure yo-”

“PLEEEAAAAAAASEE!?!?!?!!” Matt interrupted while bowing in front of Twilight.

He is not worthy.

“Hmm… I dunno…” She said grinning deviously.

“Aw, let him borrow it Twilight.” I chuckled.

WHAT THE HELL DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT 'HE IS NOT FUCKING WORTHY'?!

“Well, I suppose I could part with it for a while.” She said, still grinning.

“OH THANK YOU TWILIGHT I LOVE YOU OH MY GOD I’M GONNA GO HOME AND READ THIS NOW THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!” Matt said as he ran out the door slamming it behind him. Spike stared blankly at the door along with me and Twilight.

“Does he always get like that over books?” Spike asked.

“No, I’ve never seen him act like that over anything, not even Skyrim.” I replied.

“What’s Skyrim?” Twilight asked.

Good luck with describing that, you don’t even play Skyrim. The only two things you know about that game are ‘fus ro dah’ and ‘arrow to the knee’ jokes.

“Uhh… Long story… Anyway Twilight, Spike, I gotta go, I’ve been working all day, I’m not even sure how I’m still standing right now, so… See ya!” I said as I started for the door.

“Wait!” Twilight said. “I want to try a spell on you!”

She mad, right?

“Uhh… Usually if someone said that to me, I’d be running out this door faster than you could say ‘alakazam’, but I’m listening, what’s it do?” I replied, curious as to what kind of spell this could be.

Wat.

“Well, it’s really two spells. The first one lets you walk on clouds like a Pegasus pony…”

Oh, okay then, that sounds neat. I'll remember to make use of that ability the next time a cloud isn't A HUNDRED FUCKING FEET ABOVE ME.

“Okay, what’s the second one?”

“The second one is a spell that will allow you to fly. Now, I have several kinds of spells that will allow you to fly, I’m not sure which one to use though.”

OH HELLS OF SWEET JESUS YES.

“Well, what are they?”

“One gives the person or pony the spell is used on a pair of wings that sprout from their back. Another one allows me to give a hat a pair of wings that will let the wearer fly. I don’t trust that one very much as the wings wear out after a short amount of time.”

“Uhh, Twilight?” Spike interrupted.

“Hold on Spike. Where was I? Right, the other thing about that spell is that it only works on red hats. Weird, huh?”

“Yes, that is weird, anymore flight spells?” I replied.

“Oh, yes, there is one more. This one gives the affected person or pony the ability to fly on command without any kind of physical changes to the body whatsoever. However, this spell is very old. Old unicorn magic isn’t the most reliable.”

“What would happen if you messed it up?”

“Any number of things could happen, you could end up in another dimension, this library could turn into spaghetti, or it could work properly, but literally, anything.”

Mmm… Spaghetti…

“Hmm… Is there any way that you could make the hat fly for a longer period of time? Maybe even make it permanent?”

“Twilight, that’s what I was trying to tell you earlier! I found a fix for that spell!” Spike finally got through to her.

“What?! Show me!” Twilight half-yelled at Spike. Spike picked up the book and was about to walk over to Twilight when she used her magic and floated the book and Spike over to her sending Spike face-first onto the floor still holding the book in the air. Twilight read the fix for a few seconds.

“Okay, I’m ready! Give me your hat for a moment please.” Twilight asked. I gave her my hat and she put it on a table in the center of the room. Her horn glowed brightly, far more bright than I had ever seen. The magic then concentrated itself into a beam that touched the hat. The hat grew a small pair of white wings.

HOLY SHIT IT LOOKS JUST LIKE THE FLYING CAP FROM MARIO 64!!!

AAAAAWWWWWWWEEEEESOOOOOOMMMMMMEEEE!!!!

I was right. It was just like it except green and there was no M or L in a circle on the front of the hat. I donned the hat and suddenly felt a small tingle down my spine. I now felt an odd connection to the hat as if it were an extension of my body. I thought about flapping the wings of the hat a couple times. Just those two flaps were enough to propel me off the ground into the air.

“WOAH!!!” I said as I found myself in the air above Twilight and Spike.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! IT WORKS!!!

I continued thinking about flight so that I didn’t fall out of the air. “Oh my God… This is incredible… THIS IS AWESOME!!!” I yelled flying circles around the room.

DUNDUNDA DUNDUNDA DUNDUNDA, DUNDUNDA DUNDUNDA DUNDUNDA~!!!

Suddenly, I started singing the power-up theme from Super Mario 64 out loud as I flew around the room giggling. I landed in front of Twilight and gave her the biggest hug I could.

“THANK YOU TWILIGHT THIS IS AMAZING!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!” I gave her a kiss on her cheek, she blushed slightly.

“No problem, Jimmy.” She replied smiling.

“SPIKE!!” I yelled, I then picked him up and gave him a hug too “Thanks for finding that fix, buddy!”

“No prob, Jimmy!” He replied.

“Anyway guys, I got some flying to do!” I said as I opened the door and waved goodbye to Spike and Twilight. Once I got outside, I saw there was hardly anypony walking around, so I decided to try a triple jump to start my flying just like in the game.

Let’s-a-go!
I ran down the road a few meters, jumped once without flapping my wings.

Ya!

I jumped a second time flapping my wings once for a little bit more air that doubled my jump height.

Woohoo!

I then jumped a third with which I flapped my wings and did a flip and got into my Superman flight pose as I ascended into the sky and flew up to a cloud.

YAHOOOOO!

I approached the cloud cautiously as I went to stand on it. I stopped flapping. I fell through the cloud.

Oh my, that wasn’t supposed to happen. I believe we shouldn’t panic and rather we sh-

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHOHGODFUCKINGDAMNITIAMFALLINGTOMYDEATHOHJESUSCHRISTWHATTHEFUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHH!!!!

Well shit. We’re fucked.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHH!!!!” I yelled as I fell out of the sky falling towards the library.

CLEAR YOUR FUCKING HEAD! GET BACK YOUR CONNECTION WITH THE HAT! USE THE FORCE, LUKE! THE TARGETING COMPUTER ALONE WON’T LET YOU BLOW UP THE DEATH STAR! LUKE, TRUST ME!!

I tried to clear my mind so I could re-establish my mental connection with my wings. The ground was seconds away.

“ENOUGH!!” I shouted.

THINK ‘BOUT WINGS NIGGA! NOT FRIED CHICKEN WINGS! THERE’S A DIFFERENCE!

I thought of the wings on my hat and imagined angling them so I could get air under them and glide away from the ground. I approached the ground and suddenly I flew forward, the ground inches from my face, I pulled up and stopped in mid-air. I looked around to find the library. I flew up above the balcony of the library where Twilight was looking for me in the sky. I hovered silently a few feet above the balcony behind Twilight.

“Looking for someone?” I asked. Twilight gasped and turned around to see me float down onto the balcony.

“Well, I, uhh…” She stammered.

“Don’t worry, it’s okay. Listen, you forgot to give me the enchantment to walk on clouds. I forgot to remind you too, so it’s okay. But yeah, I tried to stand on a cloud just now and I fell through and I almost died. So could you cast that spell on me now, please?” I asked.

“Oh yeah, sure, sorry about that.” Twilight said slightly embarrassed. Her horn glowed brightly again and a beam of light hit me. “There, it should work now.”

“Thanks Twilight!” I said.

I don’t trust her. Tell her to keep an eye out for you.

Umm… You don’t trust her spell to work, but you trust her to catch you?

… Yes. Because I am logical.

On days that have the letter x.

“In case it doesn’t, keep watch of me so you can catch me with your telekinesis if I fall again please.”

“Sure. Go have fun up there!” Twilight said.

“Au revoir, Twilight!” I said as I took off and headed for the nearest cloud. This time, I was able to stand on the cloud. I lay down on the cloud, it was like a bed of feathers, just like it’s described in every book I’ve ever read that said something about lying on clouds.

Lawl, who are you trying to convince? You don’t read books!

Screw off, I’ll have you know I read the first two Harry Potter books!

What about the other five?

Fuck off!

I gazed up at the night sky.

“This is a beautiful night sky.” I said aloud.

It truly was beautiful. The moon was full in the sky. There were many, many stars out that made this night truly something beautiful to behold.

Author emphasizes the night sky being beautiful too much. Seriously author, get a fucking life.

Who the hell are you talking to?

The author!

What?

UGH! NEVER MIND! YOU’RE JUST STUPID!

Okay then…

I nearly fell asleep on the cloud, but realised I should probably head home before I roll off the cloud and fall to my death in my sleep.

At least it would be peaceful…

I jumped off the cloud and glided to Sugar Cube Corner, finding the window open in the guest bedroom. I flew the window a bit too fast and collided with the floor inside.

“OW!! JESUS!!! AGH!!!!” I yelled in pain as I crash landed inside the house. Matt woke up and sat up straight in his bed to find me curled up in a ball on the floor.

“Dude, what’s that on your hat?” He said groggily pointing to the hat that was now on the floor closer to the window.

“Oh, that’s my new wing cap!” I said as if it was such a normal every-day item. “Twilight found a spell that could enchant hats to fly, just like in Mario 64!!! Isn’t that awesome?!” Matt didn’t hear me however as he had fallen asleep just after asking me about my hat.

“Ahh, whatever, I’ll tell you when you’re totally conscious.” I said aloud as I picked up my hat off the floor and hung it off my guitar case at the foot of my bed.

I went in the shower, got dressed in the pyjamas Rarity had made for me and went out like a light as soon as I hit the bed. Today was a good day. I earned a nice bit of change and gained the ability to fly. This place is pretty Goddamned awesome indeed...