Trumpets

Chapter 15

   As I was skipping, you know, like more of a boss then boss itself, I got stopped by the sun princess Celestia surrounded by at least 6 guards. Don't know why they are needed, as try are inside her own castle, but hey? If logic was real, my ass would be back in New York were I'd be fighting off a homeless dude tryin' to butt rape me. (Do not think of that image. It never happened.) "What are you doing?" she asked me.

   "Oh, just skipping. Like a boss. What you doing? You know, besides being covered by guards inside your own castle."

   "The reason I am being guarded so heavily is due to your knighting ceremony being held in here, and the ponies watching it are already arriving."

   I sighed. "Of course they are. I don't like this, you know. I don't want you to boss me around."

   "Worry not, as I will not be doing that. I promise."

   "All I have is the trust of the words that comes out of ones mouth. Ugh, fine. Whatever. I'm going to enjoy the last bit of freedom I have. Like two weeks in this shit hole and I'm already a knight. What is this?" I mumbled as I walked away. (Walking, like an employee...)

   I couldn't enjoy it as I was feared and I knew of nothing fun to do here. So, I just waited till the ceremony, which came soon enough.

   Celestia and Luna clopped onto the stage and the crowd- which was fucking HUGE. I mean, bigger then my pony co- Fuck, Hunter. Don't think about it. It was fucking scary...

   Anyway, the crowd cheered. "Welcome, everypony. Today, we are here to award somepony who saved Princess Luna and I's lives. We are also here to knight said somepony." 'IM NOT A PONY, DAMMIT!' "Let me warn you all before we get him on stage. He is not a pony, nor a creature of Equestria. Or anywhere in our world, I presume. Do not be afraid, as he will cause no harm. Without further adue, here is he!"

   That was my cue. I pranced onto the stage and hear a very loud gasp as I got into view. There where whispers and such from the crowd. "Oh, get over it. I'm not dangerous by any means."

   They were still quiet. I sighed. "Get on with it, Celestia."

   She did. I was given a medal and finally heard the crowd cheer for me. That was pretty cool, I do admit. I felt all fuzzy.

   No, not horny. Fuck you and your dirty mind, obvious reader to my PRIVATE JOURNAL. Fuck you fuckface.

    Next was the knighting. I had to say yes to a few oaths and shit. All boring. Then, I was taped on my shoulder and felt myself change. It was... Weird. When the horn was lifted, I looked over myself. I had no differences, whatsoever. "Dafuq was that?"

   "Just a spell binding you to your oaths." was my reply.

  "Great..."

   She tapped me again with her horn, and on plopped my armor. Which was hella gay.

   Gayer then the Blue Oyster.

   I mean, this fucking set of armor was a straight as a fucking ramp.

   It was a powder blue with a wind looking pattern engraved into it with gold. It was light, which was the only good thing. 'Note to self: Burn it and self the materials.'

   That threw, there was a party. Boring party, but I had stay for the publicity or some shit. I was answering questions when I hears the classical bad start to play. 'Absolute  shit..' I couldn't take how bad the music was, so I went up there. "Whoa whoa whoa. Everyone stop." They did. I picked 10 of them and brought them to the back with me. They were extremely reluctant, but I used my knightly powers to force them. 'One plus.' "Ok, look. What you were playing sucked, so I'm going to show you how to play real music..."

   Since I know someones reading this, I'll leave you suspense on what I taught them.

   So, I was going to be the singer, and they were going to be the instruments. It was hard to compensate for the guitars, but I think I did it. I pushed the rest of the big band off, and got a mic. "Ladies and gentlemen, I present. Real Fucking Music." with that, they started playing.

   'Once again I wake up alone on the wrong side of my bed. And once again you begin your dancing nakedly on the right side of my head. It's for a lack of better words that I can hardly speak my soul. And I'm feeling what I'm feeling when I'm feeling when it's time to lose control, my love.

And once again we're off to war. But i can't agree with what we're fighting for. And that's not all, because every time she smiles I see her soul,when I smile what a wonderful life.

It's true I used to try, but then I gave up. I learned it doesn't really matter, what I do ain't enough to appease or to please, all my well meaning deeds seem to all go up in smoke. And every time I look into these smoke filled skies I wonder what she's doing, why I volunteered to die. But tonight I will fight for my life so I might see my wife again.

I explained to her that I'd be back.when I gave my word that the fighting wouldn't last. But despite my pact, I know that every breath I draw might be my last, and I smile: It's been a wonderful life.

God damn, another summer in the city and I never seen a girl look so pretty as you when you smile oh you're wild for a while, I was hoping I might see you again. And I know that everybody is willing to go and I find I'll turn it all and leave on a dime. If I leave tonight (screw what's right) I can make it home by dawn.

And I was told "Boy, prepare for war" But they failed to mention what I'd be fighting for. So I fight for this: the fact that as I pass away, I'll feel her kiss,when i smile: what a wonderful life, me oh my, what a wonderful life, oh to die for such a wonderful life.'

   As it ended, I said "Now that's real music, mother fuckers."

   The crowd fell silent. I guess they never thought a hideous me could do such a thing, but I'm full of surprises. Plus, they always think the odd guy out is weird until they hear him play.

   The crowd, after the silence, burst into cheers.

   'That's right, cheer for me mother fuckers.'

   Sadly, there was no fires. I am a bit of a pyromaniac, and I'd love to set the stage aflame. But, alas, that would not be good, would it?