Trumpets

Chapter 19

   As far as angry pony species, Unicorns are by far the worst to piss off...

   So the day started out by me waking up naturally. It was a miracle, I swear. I walked down stairs and breakfast wasn't made for me! Like, I'm the guest! What the fuck? 'Hold grudges, eh?'

   "Mornin'" I say to Twilight.

   She didn't spare a glance up from her book.

   "Yup. Ok, so you're gonna be a cock mangler. I see how it is." I walk out the front door and scare a few ponies. Even though I was with their Eleshits of Fagaty, (Oh HO HO! I'm punny! Haha go fuck myself.) it still didn't give them a liking over me. Whatever.

   I hatched an idea and rushed back to my room and grabbed my sword of a thousand fags (or STF, for short)

And headed into the Forest of Doom! Or Everfree. Whichever. It's known for its evil. So much so not even dear Celestia will go in it. I say it's perfect hunting ground for ya boy Hunter.

   Yea, I ain't gonna survive without meat.

   So I blew caution to the wind and rushed into the forest, paying so fucks to the eerie lighting change that happened as I stepped foot in it. 'Strange,' I thought. 'But...

   Come on, person reading! Say it with me!

   FUCK

   LOGIC!

   Hooray!

   I wielded STF in my right hand, letting it drag against the ground. It's a Longsword, so being able to attack with one hand (let alone hold it) was nearly impossible. But the doesn't mean I care about it.

   To, caring less of it burned and turned to scrap metal, I just let it drag across the dirt ground covered in sticks and feces and possibly dead animals.

   Whoa! Look at me being descriptive! Just paints a picture in your head, doesn't it?

   So I just walked through the dark forest, looking for signs of prey.

   Oh, there were plenty of animals, but normal ones? Nah. Not a change. I even saw a fucking snake-chicken thing!

   I suppose even animals have strange fetishes.

   But instead of finding normal game, I found a primitive looking shack. Me, being the curious person I am, walk up to it and knock on the door, because, you know, I'm polite.

   A fucking zebra answered.

   And by the unwritten rules of this world, THAT'S NOT ALL, FOLKS!

   She was what you'd think an African women living in tribes would look like. She had the gold rings around her neck and the whole 9 fucking yards. She even had that accent.

   Oh, and she only spoke in rhymes.

   But that was actually cool, I must admit.

   She, thankfully, wasn't the slightest bit scared by me. "Hello, strange creature at my door. To know your name, I'd simply adore.

   I tried to be with the majority (of two) "My name is Hunter Suntra, and you name I must ask of ya."

   With a grin, she replied. "You speak in rhymes, though intentionally. Zecora would be the name of me."

   "So it is, and are you by any chance, a zebra in a species or genus stance?" The fuck else would rhyme with chance to have that make sense? Give me a fucking break.

   "Yes I am, in all of those ways. Now why did you come here, today of all days."

   "I was wondering about, looking for food. But I think since I hunt that you might find me crude." Rap batter me bro. Come on. Lego!

   "Disgust me, it does not, as we all need to eat. But I take it as you only eat meat?"

   "Just meat is a no, I also eat foods that grow. But to stick with one food group is boring, ya know?"

   He smile widened. "You seem like a interesting creature, I admit. Please, won't you come inside for a bit?"

   Listen, it may not have been the exact words she used. How the  hell am I supposed to remember all those fucking rhymes?

   I went inside and there was just talk. I will not bore you or make you sulk.

   Holy fuck I'm stuck in rhymes...

   This should be a federal crime...

   Alright, I think I'm good. Well, she was a witch, too. Not the magic kind, hell no. Magic doesn't exist! (I fucking wish.) she was a brewer of potions and herbs and such. Pretty cool.

   Even got myself a few healing potions for some of my blood.

   Like.

   A.

   Mother.

   God.

   Damn.

   Fucking.

   Boss.

   As I made it back to the tree, it was late. Maybe 7. I don't know as I didn't have a watch. Nope, had just about jack shit. Wonderful, wonderful jack shit.

   I pranced through the door, picking up my sword and sheathing it not to scratch the wood (Cause I care.) My ears were greeted to a yell. "Were were you?" said a purple unicorn running to me with anger in her eyes. Her horn glowed as she pinned me down with her magic.

   I am not the submissive type, and do not enjoy being constricted.

   I may do whips and chains, though. Rhiana seems to like them.

   Fucking burn bitch! And I ain't even in your world! How does that taste?

   Back to we're I was being pinned down by a unicorn.

   "I looked all over town for you and you were nowhere to be seen! Only a few ponies saw you go into the Everfree forest with your sword!" She spat. 'Well, I know who would be on top in your relationships.'

   That's if you get your head out of those books.

   "Hey, I was just at a zebra's place. Zecora was her name. Pretty cool chick." I manage to choke out.

   "Celestia told me to keep a very close eye on you!" she did now?

   "Well, unless you are looking for forth base, this is as close as can be. Now, unless you have anything more to say, I would like to be freed at once." with hesitation, she released the spell. "Thank you. Now, I'm going to get to sleep. Please to piss on me in my sleep." I say as I go up the steps.

   As soon as my doors close, I cry out in pain.

   Getting pinned down by a unicorn rushing at you who is apparently very powerful and the Princesses student can really hurt.

   But,

   Like

   A

   Boss,

   I didn't show her my pain.

   Cause I'm

   A

   Person that controls other people in a business or corporate scenario...