Trumpets

Chapter 5

   The fuck is up with god damn magic?

   I mean, I've been here for what? 3 days? And I was almost killed! Yea, what the fuck?

   So I woke up to the same knocking as yesterday. I went to Celestia and I thought we were just going to be doing another Q&A, but nope. Not this time! She wanted to see if some sort of magic would work on me. I think it was some sort of shape shifting shit. My best guess is that sun-shiny cunt wanted me to be a pony for fuck knows why. Maybe so I didn't make anymore maids piss in their god-damn skin tight outfits. Probably didn't want to pay more for dry cleaning.

   So she asks me if I'd do a little spell for her, and I say "Why not?"

   "Don't worry, I have done this many times before,  just not with... 'humans' before."

   I'm no pussy, so I decided to do it anyway. "This should be absolutely painless," she assured me.

   But what do I feel?

   ABSOLUTE PAIN!

   I felt each and every bone in my body change and morph. I screamed and the year inducing agony, but it wouldn't stop. I even yelled for my dead mother! "I...Hope...Santa...Gives...You...Cancer...For...Christmas" I managed to spit out before I lost consciousness.

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   My dreams were fucking trippy. It was like you took all the banners of the Gay Pride parade and mixed in fifty rainbows in a blender on high while listening to Jerry Garcia.

   Fucked up, man.

   Any who, I woke up to numbness everywhere but my face. My mouth worked, so I did what any logical person would do in this situation. "Hey, any shit-heads in hear?" I could clearly see I was in a hospital room. A very low tech hospital room.

   "He's awake!" I heard fucking Celestia's voice say, then clopping over to me. I knew there was someone else, since I heard those clips as well. Turns out it was Luna. Se was on my right, looking to me, and Celestia was to my left. "How do you feel?" she asked me.

   "Like a dildo on a high-powered jackhammer penetrated my ass and fucked me up," I answered. "What the fuck, Celestia? You said it wouldn't hurt!"

   "It usually doesn't! I swear!"

   "Ugh. Am I OK? Like, and permanent damage?"

   "No damage, just numbness from all the pain for awhile."

   "Thank fucking God." I said. "So I take it it didn't work?"

   "Oh, it worked." she said, floating a mirror over to me. She put it in front of my face and I fucking screamed at what I saw.

   I was now a pony! A FUCKING GIRLY ASS PONY! I swear this bitch is gonna pay! I was bright fucking orange and had a bright blue mane! I was like an Islanders mascot! I looked ridiculous!

   "WHAT THE FUCK! I don't want to be a pony! Change me back!"

   "I was afraid you'd say that. We do not have enough energy to change you back now. We both had to keep your heart from stopping, and that took a lot of energy. We are both sorry, but we cannot today. But try being a pony. Maybe you will find you like it."

   I was fuming with rage, but calmed down. I will get changed back, at least. "Fine, whatever. Just... Escort me to my room. I want to sleep." Surprising since I was just out.

   "Very well, let's go."

   I tried to get off the bed, but immediately fell. "Fucking four legs!" I managed to get into a shaky stance. I put one leg in front, then the next in an effort of walking.

   After several failed attempts, I mastered the basics of walking, minus falling on my ass every couple steps. I learned I was out for the entire day. 'How the fuck am I tired? I thought. 'Whatever. Fuck logic.'

   We made it to my room and I slammed shut the door with grabbing physics that should not be possible with hooves. I climbed into the bed and tried to pull over the covers, but couldn't. 'Thank god I got fur.' I closed my eyes and hoped for anything but nightmares to greet me in my sleep.