Trumpets

Chapter 6

   Today, I woke up to the sound of the birds chirping and the sun shining,  and NOT to the sound of a maid knocking on my door. I'm pretty god damn happy about that.

   I got out of bed- well, tried. I was not at all comfortable not being bipedal yet, and probably never will, so when I TRIED getting out of bed, I fell face-first to the fucking ground.

   I was still in a tired haze, do I just groaned and got up into a shaky, but not as shaky as yesterday, stance. I tried to observe Celestia's walking so I can get an idea of what the fuck to do. I tried to do as she did, and I actually did I. I fucking walked. Grant it, I was extremely unstable, but at least I could get around.

   I made my way to the bathroom and looked myself in the mirror. The bright fucking colors almost blinded me. I noticed I didn't have a horn, so I couldn't do magic. 'Damn it! That would've been cool!' I looked to my back to see if I had a pair of wings, and I noticed two things: one, I didn't have wings, so I was upset I wouldn't be able to fly for the short time I am a pony, and two, I looked like I had extreme malnutrition. I could see my ribs easily through my skin, and most other bones, for that matter. 'Shit, man. I didn't know I was THAT bad.'

   As I said, I WAS homeless...

   I went to the toilet and stared at it. 'How the fuck am I going to use it?' It looked like a normal(ish) toilet from Earth, and I'm not a human. I'm a pony.

   Wait, don't ponies just shut wherever they please? Well, ones back home did. They ARE sentient here, so they'd probably realize how disgusting that is.

   Actually, I shouldn't be talking. I pissed and shit were I pleased for two years, so...

   Anyway, I contemplated on how I could piss without is getting all over the place. After some failed attempts, I ended up putting my arms- erm, fore-legs- up on the wall and in a standing position. Gladly, it worked, but was very uncomfortable. You know, I'm a pony. They aren't supposed to be able to bend like that.

   But, you know, FUCK LOGIC!

   About halfway through my piss, I heard snickering behind me. I tried looking back, but that proved to be to much for my pony body. I quickly finished my piss and saw who was snickering. I turned back and saw Celestia. 'Why the fuck would a princess watch me piss?' "Uh, Celestia, why did you just watch me pee?" I asked. "Were I'm from, that would be borderline molestation."

   Hehe, Molestia...

   "Oh, I was just coming in to tell you something but didn't see you asleep, so I came in an saw you doing... THAT." She chuckled a bit.

   "Yea yea, whatever. What do you want?"

   "I regret to inform you that I can not change you back right now. I need Luna, since we would need to heal you as this time, changing you back will be much more painful."

   "Amazing. Any more news to ruin my day?"

   "I am not sure if this will ruin your day, but... Wait, you don't look very healthy," she said, looking at my body.

   "Yea, I know. I was homeless were I was from and rarely ate."

   "Thats horrible! How old are you?"

   "18."

   "And you're young too! How could that happen?"

   "Parents died, hated orphanage, blah blah blah. Just get on with the rest of the news."

   "Ok... You will be staying with my student Twilight Sparkle in Ponyville. I feel you should be able to see around and socialize."

   I groaned. "Do I have to? I don't really like talking."

   "Yes. Now grab your instrument. She is expecting you. Oh, and one more thing: she does not know that you are the creature she found, and told her you are a guard in training."

   "Yup. That's gon' backfire." I said, grabbing the trumpet with my hooves.   'Again, how the fuck...' "So, how am I gonna get there?"

   She didn't answer. Her horn just glowed and I was teleported to were ever. Have you ever teleported? No? Well it fucking sucks! It's like all of you dissipates and travels to the destination in the blink of an eye and you become yourself once again. It's extremely uncomfortable.

   "Ugh... That's horrible!" I said, trying to get rid of the dizziness.

   "Hi!" a feminine voice I recognize from somewhere said.

   I opened my eyes and saw it was the purple pony from the hospital when I got my eyes got clawed out. I was going to say something, but remembered what the princess said. "Hello. Miss Twilight Sparkle, I presume?" I asked in my best polite tone.

   "Yup! The princess told me I was going to have somepony staying with me. It is you, correct?"

   "Yes, miss Sparkle."

   "You can just call me Twilight," she said. "What's your name?"

   Shit, I need a pony name. Pony names are like pet names. Not Mike or Chuck or shit, like Sunshine Glow or Orange Crush. Girly shit like that.

   What should mine be? Hmm, I don't know. Ya know, fuck it. Rusty, I'm stealing your name.

   "Rusty Trumpets is my name. Just call me Trumpets, if you like."

   She saw my trumpet, "You play that? But you're not a unicorn! How can you play?"

   Things learned: Apparently Unicorns can only play instruments.

   "I find a way," I answered.

   "Can I hear you?"

   Fuck. "Uh, sorry, but can not right now. Maybe one other time."

   She looked down. "Ok."

   She showed me inside and were I will stay. I had trouble on the stairs, though. 'Let's hope I get changed back soon.'

   I had a plan for the time I was here. It was to be anti-social.

   But, I never have my plans follow through.

   "Hey, Trumpets!," She called, "Why don't we go meet some of my friends."

   I let out a loud sigh. "How 'bout no," I called back.

   I heard clopping up the stairs. That also another reason I don't want to go. I don't want to fall on the way down. "Come on! It'll be fun!" she persisted.

   "Twilight, I really rather not. I do not want to meet other peo- ponies."

   "Why not?"

   "I just don't want to."

   "Come on! You don't want me to force you," she threatened.

   I realized she had magic and I didn't. "Ugh, fine, whatever."

   She let out a terribly annoying 'squee' and she practically dragged me down the stairs. 'Hey, at least I didn't fall.' She rushed out the door and finally let go of me, walking at a normal pace. I looked around at this town. It was to quant and cheery ad happy. All the residents I saw walking passed said hi to Twilight and me, even though they didn't know me. It was HORRIBLE. I never felt for disgusted as to how peaceful a place could be!

   We were walking to same place called 'Sweet Apple Acres' or some shit when a hyper-active pink-on-pink pony jumped on top of me. Surprisingly, there was no pain, but left in an uncomfortable position as she stared In to my eyes with her over-sized blue ones.

   Yea, these ponies eyes were WAY over-sized then an average pony's should be.

   "OHMYGOSHAREYOUNEW?" She said with a hyper 12 year old girls voice. Her breath was filled with the smells of pastries. "My name's Pinkie Pie! What's yours? Omigosh! I need to throw you a party!" with that, defying all laws of physics, she left at the speed of light.

   "Sorry," Twilight said as I pushed myself off the ground. "Pinkie can be a little... Hyper."

   I replied with, "If she actually has a party, I'm not going."

   'If all her friends are like this, god, please kill me now.'