What Am I Doing Here?

I wave my hands in front of me, making me look like a complete tool. But hey, what would you do if you accidently insulted the ruler of an entire planet? Celestia laughed at my foolishness.

"Do not worry."

I wipe my forehead, thinking she might've sent me to hell or something.

"I thought you were a science experiment gone wrong as well."

What. Did I just get burned? I flip her the bird and turn away.

"Fuck you and have a nice day."

Once again I make Chrysalis laugh and Twilight gasp. The Princess laughs again.

"My apologies, Crystal. Now, I have been informed that you just went to Earth, correct?"

I nod and slump my arms to my side.

"Don't remind me. I'll never hear Nirvana play another album again. Oh shit! I missed the rest of Doctor Who!"

I fall onto my knees and wave a fist to the sky.

"God damnnit! Why?!"

I sigh and get back up on my feet, facing the Princess.

"Okay yeah. I went to Earth and the year was 5476. Last I was there it was 2013."

The Princess closed her eyes and continued to speak.

"What year were you born, Crystal?"

I shrug and look up in thought.

"1997. Why?"

She opened her eyes and smiled.

"That would make you 3479 years old."

What.

"What."

"Technically, you were born in 1997. So by going to the year 5476, you aged in a matter of mere seconds."

I look myself over and gave her a curious look.

"I'm not turning to dust."

She shrugged.

"Nonetheless, you're now almost as old as I am. I am 3789 years old."

God damn.

"Now for the other reason I've come here."

She gives Chrysalis a cold glare.

"I have a nice dungeon for you in Canterlot."

"Hold the flying fuck up."

Everypony watched as I walk in front of Celestia in between her and Chrysalis and outstretch my arms.

"She isn't going to any dungeon without a fight from me."

Celestia looks at me strangely.

"You do know I am an immortal, right?"

I shrug and reach into my back pocket.

"You do know that I have a weapon, right?"

She laughs and attempts to move around me.

"Right. Now Crystal, if you would-"

I pull my lock knife from my back pocket, flip the blade, and hold it in front of me towards Celestia.

"Back the fuck off."

Celestia's expression remains the same and Twilight gasps.

"You never said you had a weapon!"

"I didn't want to tell you. I never go anywhere without this thing."

Celestia laughs and continues to move around me towards Chrysalis.

"Twilight told me about your rules."

Fuck.

I place the knife back in my pocket and sigh. I give the Princess a pleading look.

"Please. She's one of my only friends I've ever had. And technically, she hasn't broken any laws or done anything bad besides knock out Rarity but peo- ponies don't get locked up because of that."

She closes her eyes in thought. I never had friends before, but I had a rule in case I ever did.

Never give up on your friends

Now, you might think of me like a knight or something because of my rules. Don't. I only have them to keep me out of trouble. Either that or it's just a moral standard of mine. Friends are important to me. Celestia opened her eyes and nodded.

"Fine. She is free to go."

I fist pump the air and jump dramatically.

"Woohoo! Aw yeah! Thank you so much Princess!"

She smiles and turns towards Twilight.

"But, Crystal. If she does do anything bad, it'll be on your head."

I stop jumping and silently curse.

"God fucking damnnit."

"I heard that."

The Princess turned to me and winked.

"I best be off. Canterlot can't be without me for much longer. Good bye."

As the Princess walks up the stairs Twilight follows. I turn to Chrysalis to find myself in a very tight hug from the Changeling Queen.

"Thank you thank you thank you!"

"Chrysalis! You're crushing me!"

She lets go of me and lies back on the metal table.

"Thank you so much, Crystal."

I nod and wave a hand.

"Yeah yeah. It was nothing."

I turned around and made my way up the stairs and saw Celestia disappear in a flash of white light. Twilight waved to me as I left but I chose to ignore her.

As I made my way out the library, I saw it. A pony with a brown colour scheme ran inside a giant blue police box. I close my eyes and shake my head just to make sure I was awake. When I looked back, he was gone. I stood silent for a moment, before laughing out loud to myself.

"Come on, Crystal? The Doctor doesn't exist."

As I walk down the streets of Ponyville towards Rose's home, I spot the three little fillies of my life. They all smile and run towards me.

"Crystal! Do you have any more Doctor Who?"

I laugh and scratch the back of my head.

"Well, no. I missed the future episodes and all I have are the old episodes of when he was David Tennant."

Each of the fillies looked extremely confused.

"Ah thought Matt Smith was the Doctor?"

I sigh and motion a hand towards a bench.

"Girls, it's time I told you about the Daleks and Regeneration."

They all smile and start walking towards the bench. I turn around and look up at the sky.

"I wonder what that crazy genius is up to right now..."

"Hey, Crystal! C'mon!"

I smile and turn back to the fillies.

"Comin'!"

I run over to them and land in between Applebloom and Scootaloo.

"Once upon a time, there was a planet called Gallifrey...."

-----The Next Week-----

Rose decided to wake me up by splashing water on my face. I can't complain when  I say it did the job, but it was still annoying.

Rarity had just made me my custom mattress and I moved into Rose's guest room on the second floor. I told Rarity I would pay for the mattress. She declined, but I didn't care. Today I was getting a job and earning some money, then paying back Rarity.

Pay back Rarity for the mattress

New journal entry. I still keep this thing around, yes. It helps. I was flicking through the pages until I found some entries that I didn't write.

Get yerself a Nightmare Night costume! ~ Applebloom

Nightmare what?

Well, I was at the table eating some breakfast so I decided to ask Rose.

"Hey Rose? What's Nightmare Night?"

She laughed and continued eating.

"It's a holiday where children and teenagers dress up and go door to door asking for candy."

I laugh. It sounded exactly like Halloween. One problem with that.

"That sounds a lot like a holiday from Earth. Although, Aussies don't celebrate it."

"What's an Aussie?"

I look up at Rose. I never told her what Australia was.

"It's what you call someone from my old country, Australia. We've been stereotyped as a Bogan country full of people who think their country is the best in the world."

Rose giggled.

"Were you one of those people?"

I shook my head and leaned back in the chair I made (A plank of wood with 4 legs nailed into it.).

"I did think my country was the best, but I wasn't a Bogan. After all, Australia wasn't as bad as other countries."

She nodded and went back to her breakfast.

"So, you don't celebrate Nightmare Night?"

I pull my journal out and look at Applebloom's entry.

"For anyone else? Nah. For these fillies?"

I slam my journal shut and smile at Rose.

"Absolutely."

She smiles and yawns.

"It's in two days, you better find a good costume."

I already had an excellent one in mind. I get up from my crappy chair and walk over to my jacket and put it on.

"I'm going to AJ's to see if she needs any help around the farm. She always said she would appreciate the help."

Rose nodded and waved as I left.

"See ya, Crystal!"

I walk out the door and head in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres. It was an early time, so not many ponies were out and about. I got a few "Hello"'s and some waves as I walked through the town. Who knew that these ponies would adapt to some random creature so quickly?

When I arrived at the apple orchard, I heard thumping noises. As I entered the farm, I saw a big red pony kicking apple tree's, making the apples fall flawlessly into the buckets he had below the tree. I began walking up to him to ask him where AJ was. He spots me before I got there. He starts running towards me.

Wait a minute. We're not that far apart.

Oh shit.

He starts running faster and faster. This cunt is going to ram me?! I begun running in the opposite direction but I was already to late. He knocks me up into the air with a great amount of pain and the fall just added to my injuries.

"Big Macintosh! That's Crystal!"

I see a very blurry AJ appear above my head, looking down at me with concern.

"Are ya alright, sugarcube?"

I reach up and place my hand on her cheek. I donned a really goofy smile.

"Pretty orange pony with cowboy hat."

I was fucking out of it. My mind has exited the hollow empty building called my skull. AJ blushed and my arm slumped down to my side as I fell unconscious.

When I woke up I was inside a room I didn't recognize. I looked around and found that I was lying on a bed, but my legs dangled off the edge. I removed the blanket covering me and try to stand up, only to fall back down onto the bed. Unfortunately, I hit the bed and slid off, causing me to land on the floor with great pain. I hear hoofsteps and AJ appeared in the door frame. Her eyes grew wide and she rushed over to pick me up.

"Woah, sugarcube. Ya gotta settle. Ya got hurt pretty badly."

I nod and try to get back on the bed. As I sat on the bed AJ smiled at me.

"Sorry fer Big Mac. He didn't know wha' ya were."

I nod and lie back down on the bed, legs danglin' and all.

"That's okay. I can't say I'm not angry at him, but I understand."

Be thankful my instinct for survival took over my rule of hurting people you big red cunt.

AJ smiles and looks behind herself.

"He's awake. Come on up!"

Big Mac and Applebloom walk into the room. A loud resounding snore echo's from downstairs. Applebloom walks up to me with my bag on her back and a sad look. I rub her mane.

"Thanks, Applebloom. Why the sad face?"

She reaches behind her and places something on the bed.

Oh fuck.

It was my lock knife.

"Why do ya have this? Were ya gunna hurt mah brother?"

I shook my head and pick the weapon up.

"No, Applebloom. I carry this with me wherever I go. I couldn't really trust anyone on Earth, so my dad gave this to me."

She places my bag on the bed as I put the knife back into my pocket.

I look up to Big Mac with an angry look.

"I'm waiting."

He sighs and walks forward.

"Sorry, feller. Didn't know who ya were."

I nod and hold out my fist. He looks at it before brofisting/hoofing me.

"Apology accepted. Now!"

I clap my hands together and jump out of the bed, swing my bag onto my back and reclap my hands. I point to AJ.

"I need some quick work. I have an idea for a Nightmare Night costume."

She shakes her head and points at me.

"Doesn't tha' hurt?"

I nod with a goofy grin.

"Very much so. However, I believe my current predicament is far more important."

She nods and motions to the doorway.

"Ya can help bucking the apples."

I rub my hands together and walk out the door.

"Right! Lets get this show going!"

I stroll down the stairs and outside to begin apple bucking.

-----Carousel Boutique, The Next Day-----

I had bucked the entire field of apples on my own, eager to be able to get Rarity to make me my costume. Right now, we had to get measurements done. It was going alright. Until...

"I am NOT taking off my undies! Fuck that!"

Rarity was looking at me with confusion.

"What is wrong, dear?"

I frown and sigh. I lean in towards her ear and whisper some things. Her face gets a massive blush as I lean back.

"Oh. I didn't know that about humans. Alright, I can see why you're reluctant now. But darling, we are all adults here-"

"AHEM! No I'm bloody not!"

"Okay, I'm an adult here. Surely we can be mature about this?"

I sit there for a second before sighing and standing up.

"Fine. But be mature, right?"

She nods as I take em off. When she see's it, she blushes and goes to grab some more tape. I hear her grumbling.

"It's not as big as I thought it would be."

"Hey! I'm only 15! And did you expect me to shove it in you or something?!"

She shakes her head and starts measuring me.

"I'm sorry, darling. I just expected more from a human. It left my mind about your age."

I nod and lean in to her ear.

"It gets much bigger when I'm older."

I give her a joke wink and she giggles.

"Good to know."

She finishes measuring and I put all my clothes back on.

"This was between you and me, understand?"

She nods and walks over to me.

"Of course, darling. Now, describe what you want me to make."

I smile as she pulls out a piece of paper and a pencil to sketch what I describe.

-----Nightmare Night------

"C'mon, Crystal!"

"Hang on a moment!"

Rose was waiting downstairs for me as I put my costume on.

"It's almost on!"

A knock comes from the door and Rose goes to answer it.

"Sweetie Belle, Applebloom and Scootaloo! Just in time, he's upstairs putting on his costume."

"I'm coming down!"

I walk down the stairs and the fillies gasp. I wore a suit with a bow tie and I had my hair styled exactly like Matt Smiths.

"Hello, I'm the Doctor. Basically, run."

The fillies laugh and I was shocked at their costumes.

Applebloom was a Dalek, Sweetie Belle was a Cyber Man, and Scootaloo was a Weeping Angel.

"Godamnnit, Scoots. You know I hate Weeping Angels."

She laugh and moved towards me every time I blinked.

"Don't do that! It scares the crap outta me!"

The fillies laugh and gather round me as I head towards the door. I looked at what Rose was wearing. She looked like a sorta vampire-pony mix. I looked down at my arch Nemesis's' and smile. I grab the door handle and yank it open.

"Allons-y!"