“Hey man, you mind? I'm sitting right here,” Spike complained as I smiled at a furiously blushing Twilight.

“Oh dude, sorry, total violation of bro-code,” I apologized to Spike. “We cool?”

“Yeah, just cut it with the mushy stuff in front of me.” Spike flicked his wrist to brush off the matter.

“Fair enough, fair enough. So, to Rarity's then?” I asked Twilight.

“Sure, um, Spike, mind going back to look after the library? We've had it closed for a pretty long lunch,” she asked him. By the looks of it, his jimmies were a little rustled by this.

“Well, alright, but if Sweetie Belle is there, do ya mind seeing if she wants to come hang out?” The dragon asked, somewhat put out.

“Sure thing Spike, as long as you two behave yourselves, and you know what I mean.” And the princess returns to brokering no argument.

“Wait, how old are you?” I asked Spike.

“Me? I'm fourteen. And before you ask, according to Twilight, yes it is 'that' age,” he replied.

“It's been that age for you since you started crushing ove-” Spike stopped her by pinching her lips shut, flashing me a nervous smile before turning to stare his sister in the eye. For a few minutes I watched as they engaged in the language of siblings, never really opening their mouths or talking, just stares, expressions, and rapid gesticulation. All I was really able to decipher was; Spike had a crush and may have dropped it, Twilight knew and had likely promised secrecy, Spike all but demanded continued secrecy, Twilight felt this foolish, then Spike looked to possibly be worried of the feelings of myself and someone not present, Twilight agreed to allow continued secrecy.

“So it's a settlement on continued secrecy on Twilight's part then, right?” I asked, smiling when they both looked at me, eyes wide in shock. “Let me explain, she had already gotten that 'crush' word out, which gave me a generous foundation from which to read your expressions. Spike, you seem worried about how I'd feel, don't worry about me. I cannot tell who the crush is or was but I will be talking with you about that later. Bro-code dictates I help you out if able, the delay is so I can figure out the social differences I need to adjust for, and then offer the best advice for how to win your special lady. Twilight, that you promised secrecy was pretty obvious, and you will be held to it.” As they stared at me, I decided to explain more of 'how' rather than the 'what' that I just had, “I have been reading people's facial expressions and body language all my life. Spike you have all the same body language cues, and most of the facial expressiveness of almost any guy I know back home. Twilight, most of your body language is lost on me, but not quite all, your mobile ears compensate for a lot of that.”

Twilight was first to respond, as Spike was confused as to being relieved or mortified. “Wait, so, um,” she said, pausing to straighten her thoughts. “If that is the rate at which you are able to gather information... That would actually explain quite a lot.”

“Before you go too far on that thought, I can indeed gather tremendous insight from watching others interact, especially good friends or siblings. Personal interactions myself, however, are actually slow to yield significant information beyond what is said, unless it is a close friend or someone I know very well. Friends are the best for watching as they are always the most inclined towards complete disclosure.” As I explained Twilight nodded along.

“That does explain quite a lot. Spike, you have any information to share that may improve the assistance you get later?” Twilight asked, giving the little guy a serious yet caring look.

Sighing, Spike deflated a bit, “I used to...” he hung his head and mumbled as he weakly raised a hand to almost point a direction. I tapped his shoulder and cupped a hand to my ear, he leaned closed and whispered “I used to like Rarity, but now I like her little sister, Sweetie Belle.” He barely even breathed the last part.

With the information in hand, it was time to give the little guy some grief, that is after all, how the bro-code works. Raising my voice for the hearing impaired, “OH, OKAY, SO THAT'S WHO YOU'VE GOT IN MIND!” Spike stared at me in terror, Twilight in shock, and what had to be a fair portion of Ponyville's population stared with varying degrees of shock and/or annoyance. It was all I could do to contain my laughter and explain, “I'm sorry little guy, I'm going to help how I can, but the price will be some teasing.” Stopping to breath I saw him turn serious, “Alright, I'm sorry, do expect more, but I won't be so loud with it.” Dropping my volume to just the table level, “Ok, further info time, do they know?”

“The older yes, the younger no,” Twilight filled in quietly, much to the dragon's annoyance. “You need the help, he needs to know so he can give the help.”

“So does she know about...” Spike asked, using some of that sibling language.

“Yes, but has decided not to share the knowledge, Hoyt here is the only help you're getting.” She indicated me as his only hope, she then stood, “I'm going to take care of the bill, you two get your details straight, then we are off for the day's business, sound good?”

“Sure,” Spike and I said together.

As she left the table I turned again to Spike, “So, one very important detail that I expect will be a key difference between our worlds, who makes the first move?”

His face reddened and his eyes darted about, “You heard her say there wasn't supposed to be any of that.”

I sighed, realizing the question was not specific enough, “Which of you is supposed to ask the other out? Is it supposed to be you, or her? Or does it matter?”

“Oh, that, it's supposed to be her. Is it the other way on your world? The guy asks?” Spike paused, pondering this and what it implies. “That's just, weird.”

“It's not a hard set rule, but yeah the guy is generally expected to make the approach. Was half hoping that'd be the same here.” Realizing that I have been rather playfully flirtatious, I continued, “makes a lot of my behavior today quite odd, I'm sure.”

“So does that mean you can't help after all?” He asked with despair on his face.

“Not at all little dude, just an alteration of tactics,” I replied as Twilight came back to the table. Standing, I said, “Tactics that will, for the time being, no longer directly involve you. Don't worry though, I got your back.” Finishing I offered my hand in agreement.

Shaking my hand but giving me a dubious look, Spike said “Alright, but I'm not sure I like where this is going.”

“You two get a plan worked out already?” Twilight asked as she returned from inside.

“I think I've got a pretty good start. Also got a vital piece of information, that I need to talk to you a little about, that's unrelated. Well, not directly related.” She cocked her head and raised an eyebrow, so I continued, “Just means I need to explain something is all, nothing to worry about.”

“Every time I hear 'nothing to worry about' it's always about something to really worry about. So what is it?” She asked somewhat sternly.

“Nothing drastic, we can discuss it on the way to Rarity's,” I said, earning a deadpan look. “I'm serious, if anything I have far more reason to worry about it than you do.”

“Alright, fine. We'll talk on the way, but it better not be anything to worry about,” she declared.

“It isn't,” I told her. Turning to Spike, I said “By the way, in general be nice, and don't rush anything, trust me.”

“OK, I'll keep that in mind, thanks. Catch you guys back at the library later,” Spike said as he left, heading back the way we came.

Twilight sighed and watched as he left. “Are you sure?” she asked without turning her head. After a brief pause she continued, “Are you sure that you can help him? I just want to see him happy, and Rarity wants the same for Sweetie. We're sure they would get along fine, but how can you be sure of your ability to help?”

I smiled at the look on her face, one so seldom seen among humans; love, pure and true, unblemished, untainted, love. Is this a dream? And if this much love can exist here, do I really want to wake up? My trance was broken as she turned to me with those big eyes suddenly curious, “Why are you looking at me like that?"

I scratched the back of my head and chuckled somewhat nervously in response to the sudden presence of my old friend, awkward. Thought I'd left that bastard behind in high school, but nope, little fuck had to come find me in a different world altogether. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and finally spoke, “Sorry about that, it's just the way you were looking at Spike. Love that strong is incredibly rare to see among humans, kind of caught me off guard.” Her cheeks reddened and she started to look flustered. She started to talk but I cut her off, “It's a good thing, he's damn lucky to have a sister like you. Now, am I sure I can help the two little lovebirds make a connection? I'll just say I've helped guide a few such pairs together before. Shall we walk as we talk?” I asked, motioning for her to lead.

“Alright, I'll trust you. I just can't help but worry about him though, and Sweetie,” she said as we left the restaurant. “Oh, right, what was this 'nothing to worry about' you mentioned? You said it was vital information, but not to worry, how can it be both?”

“I guess you have a point there. It's vital to me and you don't need to worry, is what I should have said. To the point however, Spike told me that here it is typically supposed to be the mare that makes the approach to initiate a relationship, is that right?” I asked.

Her wings twitched slightly, and her gait stiffened a little for only a short moment. 'I wonder how expressive the wings are supposed to be?' I thought to myself.

“Oh, um, that. Y-yes, that is normally how relationships are started here. I take it your world is different?” she asked looking back at me, I answered by pointing right with my left hand, and left with my right. “Really? I mean, it's not unheard of for a stallion to make the first move, but it is generally considered strange. Wait, if roles are reversed in your world, does that mean you um...?”

“And we arrive at the 'explaining' I was talking about. I had no idea that the roles were reversed between our worlds. As for how I've acted, especially towards yourself and Rarity? It's kind of, but not completely, a defense mechanism for me to be playfully flirty with a girl who acts friendly to me. I do this because when I was younger and a girl would talk to me, I'd get awkward and they'd leave before I got to know them past 'hello.' Fast forward a few years and I started acting more brash and cocky, this only worked sometimes, and I learned quite a bit as I earned a few friends. Further on I started observing how people flirt, and how girls reacted in particular. Trying this myself I found a few more girls calling me friend, but almost all of them were already spoken for... except this one girl, June, she was a lesbian, embarrassed the hell out of me. June however, was one of the best people I could meet for what I was trying to do. She helped immensely by teaching me more directly how to flirt, and how to pick out the personalities that would be most receptive to my efforts. So with this knowledge I met a few more women, had greater success in that they knew what I was getting at, and learned a fair deal more about the fairer sex. Now to the topic of the hour, my behavior with yourself and Rarity. Firstly, you two, according to my analysis, fit the personality types to which I am attracted, and secondly ranked just way too high on my cute-ometer.” At this point Twilight blushed so hard it threatened to take over her whole face, requiring that I comment, “That blush is not reducing your score by the way. But I should at this point explain what 'cute' is for a human, as it actually registers on a biological level, even with two main types of 'cute' to be had. The first is the type of cute that affects all humans, that of a child; the head is large in proportion compared to the body, the eyes round and curious, the face is also round, the nose small, and a typical expression of joy across the face. These characteristics naturally inspire a protective mode of thought, and a desire to bring more joy and happiness. The second type of 'cute' is that which primarily affects men, that of attraction, or what a man is inclined to seek in a mate, a man looks for; large eyes, slight eyebrows, delicate features, short stature, slender shoulders, slim build, even complexion, and a little bit of the other 'cute' doesn't hurt. With that said, I will point out now that you ponies have almost all of these characteristics for the most part, and facial structures that also translate quite well. So to your most recent question, am I... interested? Maybe, I mean, you fit almost all requirements for cuteness, but your personality is the main draw, yet your physiology is a bit of a hurdle for my mind which has a very specific genetic code driving it.”

“So I'm mentally 'cute' but not physically 'cute'? I'm not sure I understand,” the princess replied.

I decided at this point to explain further, “You are, to me, psychologically and physically 'cute', but not physiologically cute.” I paused, realizing what I had said, “That actually made no sense whatsoever...”

“Actually it made perfect sense, attraction is determined on multiple levels: the active mind, the subconscious mind, and the biological drive determined by genetic code.” I was dumbfounded as she made sense out of my poorly worded simplification of her cuteness.

“So it did make sense, just not the way I said it,” I said, as she beamed with pride. “Another question comes to mind, have I possibly been offensive? Having openly flirted with you and Rarity.”

“No, it's fine, would that get you in trouble on Earth?” she asked.

“Generally, yes. It would however depend on who I was flirting with, and who else was around. Like with Spike earlier, but that's a low level offense resolved by immediate apology and cessation of flirtation. Far more worrisome is the classic protective older brother, especially those that act friendly, unreadable. Another source of trouble is the meddlesome sister, trying to interfere with a relationship's development and generally pushing things along at an uncomfortable rate. One of the worst however has to be the overbearing mother, casting constant judgment and ever unsatisfied regardless of their child's choice in suitor. I have seen 'fillers' for most of these, or someone not actually related playing the same role.” We kept walking forward, but her expression had gone rigid, left ear twitching, and wings fluttering. I knew enough to tell that this spelled 'nervous' loud and clear. “Let me guess, you've got the whole family pack?”

She answered with nothing more than a nervous chuckle. “So that would be a yes then, good times.” I reassured her as best I could with a smile. Stopping she turned to give me a look typically reserved for someone on their deathbed, unphased by my attempted cheer. “That bad huh? Let me guess, the other two princesses and say, the captain of the royal guard?” How she managed to drop her jaw so low I'll never know, but she stood there still as any statue, wings slumped to the ground. 'one of two things has happened; either I've offended her so greatly she cannot calculate a response, or the universe hates me even more here, and Murphy is a son of a bitch. Plan of action, apologize in case the prior is true, and hope like fuck the latter isn't.' “Um, look, I really am sorry for offending you like that. I really didn't mean to imply your fellow princesses would be mean or hurtful in any way, and I'm sure the captain is a stand-up guy respected by all,” I pleaded, doing my best to repair the bridge I may have burnt.

After one of the longest awkward waits I've experienced in years, her jaw and wings slowly returned to their normal positions. Eventually the corners of her mouth pulled up, and something that resembled laughter started to emanate from her. As the laughing started to gain volume, her wings spread wide and high. Those wings were the single greatest display of beauty, grace, elegance and power that I had ever bore witness to. My body was rapidly preparing to enter 'fight or flight' mode, but just before I was going to take off running like a bitch, I picked up on a critical detail; mirth. She was laughing joyously, not maliciously. My heart steadily backed down from maxing out, and my thoughts returned from considering the easiest route of escape. Finally she managed, through fading laughs, “Oh, oh my, I haven't laughed that hard in too long. When did Pinkie Pie get you that information? And how did you manage to pass it off so smoothly?” She asked, still struggling to swallow the last of her giggles.

“Do what?” Was all that I could manage.

“Ha! You can drop the act now. So, seriously, when did, maybe it wasn't Pinkie, when were you told about that?” She asked, still smiling at me. Her smile quickly started to fade, however, when she saw that I was still simply shocked. “What's wrong?”

“Um, that really was a wild guess. Seriously, the other two princesses and the captain of the royal guard?” I asked to be sure of how fucked I was.

“Two of the other princesses, there's four of us. And my brother Shining used to be the captain of the guard,” she said before robbing me of my relief. “That was until he married Princess Cadence, who fits the 'sister' category you mentioned. I should probably also mention that Celestia has been my mentor since I was a filly. At least you won't have to worry about Luna,” she offered hopefully.

I finally realized how stupid I'd been, it wasn't like I had ask her for a lay, or even considered the possibility. I shook my head and laughed a bit myself. Looking back up at her, those wings caught my eye again, still spread wide and high. “Your wings are beautiful,” I felt myself say, right before their owner snapped them back to her sides, snapping me out of a trance I hadn't noticed I'd been in. Seeing her face again I noticed it'd gone as red as a fire engine.

“Oh, look, there's Rarity's boutique, let's get ourselves inside. Whadayasay?” she blurted before taking off at a speed I could never have hoped to match. Luckily she didn't go too far before running into a large round house with white paint and purple roofing.

Stepping onto the porch, I cautiously knocked on the door. After a moment, Rarity answered the door, looking at me, and then back towards the stairs. She returned her gaze to me, looking impressed, “Whatever you said, darling, you said it right.”

Author's Note

Ok, so here it is, chapter three, expect a slightly longer wait for the next to be possible, if not likely. I thought a certain gag thrown in to this one to be a bit hamfisted but my proofreader like it and so it stayed, make a guess at which gag that was. There was minor concern about some characterization, but I think that where there is no cannon reference there is a little room to play.

Feel free to comment, as a matter of fact please do. and be sure to check out Sneaky's stories, on which I've been helping. Though more recently 'throwing thoughts at' would be a more apt description of my related activities. Thank you all for the warm response I seem to have gotten.