The Replacement Letters

Dear Princess Celestia

Today I tried to help out in winter wrap up, it was the most POINTLESS thing I've ever been apart of. Why do we wrap up winter when the planet's axis can do that on it's own? My stupid dragon Spike wouldn't stop saying that the 'proper' way is with my powers, but the proper way is with the planet's axis. Or for that matter, why do you raise the sun? Why would it need your fat flank to rise? How did it work before ponies came into existence? WHERE DID THE LIKES OF YOU AND YOUR SISTER COME FROM?

I also would like to know why that psychotic pink freak Pinkie Pie skates to shorten the ice? What would happen if she fell in? She'd die.

Reply back (with some bits)

Twilight Sparkle

PS: I also let my slave Spike almost drown. Aren't I evil? HAHAHA