What in the...

My head is killing me. I’m not. It’s a metaphor. Fine, just get up, breakfast. Wait, breakfast? It’s morning, it’s a day, and it isn't the end of the world, there will be breakfast. Alright, smarty pants. Thank you. Wait, what’s that smell? Syrup and pancake batter. How do you know that? Look, when you’re hungry, I, pretty much, become an expert on food. I’m not... Ow, damn, my stomach. Hungry? Very much. Well, pancakes, let’s go, Amigo. Fine, we just got to get up. Fine, while you do that, I’ll think. Fine, damn it, my legs can’t be any heavier, I’m dragging them across what feels like stone. It’s a couch. It was a simile. You are wordy person today. No, I’m just a person. Nope, a pony. Oh ha, terribly funny. I know. Sarcasm again. You like sarcasm, it’s like it’s...You dare make a gay joke. I wasn’t. Then what were you going to say? Ponies. Yeah right, can we get pancakes now? Yeah, just get the rest of your body up. No. Not getting up means you don’t get any pancakes. I am going to hate you if these pancakes aren't good.

Oh ha, just get up, see your legs are off. My back legs, I got my other legs. Having a horse body is getting annoying. Pony body. What’s the difference? One is smaller, and lighter. We could just say equine. What? Equine, it’s a word for things like horses, zebras, donkeys, and asses. Ha, asses. You call me immature. Oh shut up. Fine I will, just say it. Seriously? Either that or you’re imagining devil horns again. Fine; it’s annoying to have an equine body; happy? Yeah, breakfast? Breakfast. Now, just drag your body off the couch. Fine, ow, ow, ow, stupid body, just get off without pins and needles. How do you have pins and needles? You don’t have feet! Who says you need feet? I do. Well, I got pins and needles. Time paradox! No, it’s just pins and needles. Nope, time paradox. Well, we’re up now. Now, pancakes. Yes.

As I walked into the kitchen, I saw the mail mare by an oven, her focus as high as Yoda’s. Oh, you can make references, but when I call her a weeping angel, you get mad. It’s because I don’t want to think about the cutest thing in my life right now as a goddamn monster from a different show. Who is to say shows have different universes? I do, as you can’t have all of those hospital shows, in the same realm as zombies. Who says? Power lines. You win this one. I won? Yes. No you didn’t. You just said. Damn it. Well, breakfast

.

“Hello there” Another creep of the century award goes to Ryan Plant, third time in a row. Shut up.

“Aw,” She jumped at my sudden awakening. Why are you talking like Edgar Allan Poe? Derpy isn't a raven, is she? Nope, she is a pony. Equine. Shut up. “Sorry, you startled me” Awww. Stop it. What? It’s cute. Yeah, but every time she does or says something cute, you got ‘aww’, you are becoming as cliche as a goddamn human in Equestria story, wait a second... We are not in a fan fiction. But, we could be, you’re a bad writer, this could be one of your crappy stories. Hey! You know it’s true. Yeah, but this is too good to be in one of my fan fictions, too much planning. Yeah, what fan fiction were we working on anyway? I think it was called 'What the hell...' and there was another one, don't remember the name though. It had something to do with a prison, didn't it? Yeah. Screw it, we are going to have pancakes soon, so can we stop thinking about this? Yeah.

This chair is kinda hard. You are sitting the human way. Look, I would rather act like Lyra than be lying sideways. Or on your back. Yeah, so, I'm going to sit like this. Fine, hold it, how do we eat? Knife and .... Ah, no fingers. Nor thumbs. Well, why don't we eat the animal way? Is that the way where you just stick your face into the food and just eat like a pig? Quite, my dear Watson. You are not the man of Iron, can it. Man of Iron? Nickname of Sherlock Holmes. Ah, what Robert Downey Jr plays....No, I do those to annoy YOU! Not the other way around! Alright, I get the bloody picture. Picture, where? It was a saying.  What is with you today? I'm hungry. Well, ask her if it's...

"Finished!" Ow. Oh, shut up, it wasn't that loud. Was too. I'm not having this argument again.

"That was terribly quick," Look man, in this contest, we need amateurs, not full blown professional creeps. You may be annoying but, at times, you can be funny. Amen. "You must be quite the baker" I hope, I'm hungry. Amen.

"I like it think that I am" I know she blushed, but don't say 'aww' because if we are in a fan fiction, the writer is going to get really annoyed at his characters. But, she is blushing, dude. No. Please. No. Come on, man! NO! Fine.

"Well, I bet you are better than me" Okay! Are you trying to make yourself say 'aww'? Nope. Tell the truth. Maybe. Truth. Now it is a possibility.

"No, I bet you are better than clumsy old me" Do. Not. I. Repeat. Do. Not. But dude, she said 'clumsy', it's cute as hell. Look, if we get back alive, we can post that on a Derpy Hooves impersonator's YouTube video. How do you know those exist? Uh, internet. You win this battle.

"Hey, I some how managed to burn juice, I think you are okay" Seriously? A Rarity reference? Yeah. I hate you.

"Well, I feel better now" You are! You are trying to say 'awww', you sicken me! How? Because, you are being cliche. And? Damn you to hell. Atheist. Damn you to the grave then.

"Well, if I'm around, you will be the best at everything" Well, that's true. The only thing you are even slightly good at...is video games, you've done a lot with your life. Well, if you are sarcastic, I'll start up the old sayings. Oh dear god, no!

"Don't be so hard on yourself, I bet you're good at something" Video games don't exist here, reading does but not in English, what are we good at? Cutie Mark! Emblem. Shut up, but whatever it is, that's our talent, right? Yeah. Looking down and it's a...What is that? It looks like a-a-a, I don't even know. A bit like a ghost, if you ask me. What's our talent then? Bustin' them? Look, it's a mess, I can't tell. Why not changeling hunting? Fine.

"Well, if I remember rightly, I was a changeling hunter for my town" Well, that's a weird expression. It's called excitement or amazement. You suck at reading people. Ponies. Shut it.

"Really?!" Well, that's got to be good. What? The piercing noise shooting through my ears.

"Yeah, if I remember right" Ryan Plant in 'the changeling hunter' a brony's wet dream. Screw you, but that sounds, except the last part, sounds like a good film. Except they would have someone not fat and British, maybe that Tallahassee dude  Kirk Ward? Really? That's his name? Yeah? Why? I thought it would be something more bad-ass. So, did the rest of the world.

"Well, that's really really cool, you need to talk to Twilight, she needs to write up a profile on them, you could help" Well, you have made us knee deep in smelly stuff. We aren't in smelly stuff. How?! How aren't we in smelly doo-doo right now?! Because, we are bronies, we should know a thing or two about them, also, we can make it up, we are mediocre writers. Yeah, should we say we can? Yeah.

"Alright, I will; after Breakfast?" Well, I kicked in the posh for you, I hope you like it. I am beginning to hate you. Beginning? You've said that about two million times in a year. Yeah but every time, I just let it go. You just are one of those people, aren't you? The ones that just don't care? Yeah.

"Yeah, after breakfast will be fine, I'll tell her before hoof," Seriously? What? The rules are different here. So, we can bend rules a bit. No, we aren't bending the rules of a universe, that is a bad idea. Why? Because they're rules of a universe! "Speaking of breakfast" well, that's great. What? She puts the plate in her mouth and puts it down. So? So, germs and bacteria. Oh, shut up, they don't have fingers. So? Couldn't they just, I don't know, like push it with her wings? No, they use that for flying. Well, screw logic, use the wings! Let's just eat the damn breakfast. Fine, animal time! This is goddamn good! I know, and now it's gone. What?! That was like two seconds of eating! Well, we have a bigger mouth and bigger stomach, so... Damn, alright, put this is the...sink...here. Alright it's in. You chipped it! Nah, that was there.

"You know this Twilight?" Why don't you just walk closer than shouting into the other room. Because, laziness. ah.

"yeah!" Glad to see you're both lazy. Can it. Wait, why are we asking? Because, she thinks we are from another town, it would be kind of weird that we know exactly where someone, who we've never met, lives. Some-pony. Well, that's my explanation, take it or leave it. Not leaving, I just fold. This is not poker. Who says that we can't use references? Your body does. Screw that, I'm the brains behind this operation...literally! Still...

"Where does she live?!" Just go into the room, stop shouting! No!

"The library!" Well, information we already knew, but helpful in this master plan. It is. But still this is cute, even though she is screaming her head off. True.

"Thank you!" Now, out the door, and on the way out, grab a bit or two. No! That's stealing! So, you aren't a goody two-shoes, are you? A bit.

"Wait, wait, wait a minute" Well, you two are in the same room, you can stop shouting. Yeah, that's a relief, my throat kills. Then why didn't you go into the room? Lazy.

"What?" Bits, please be, bits. That does not sound right. No, it does not.

"Here," and lone behold, it's bits! Five of them. That can buy me five apples, perfect. You don't like apples. But, five apples means a few drinks. Ah. "A few bits for a drink or so" Screw it, d'awwwww. Damn it!

"Thanks, see you later" Love story will continue later. Better than... Don't say it! I'm sick of that! Better love story than...Kate and William. Maybe. Time to shuffle.