“Isaac. Isaac wake up else your tea will get cold.” I burst to a bright light, sitting in an uncomfortable chair with a thing of amber liquid in my hand. Looking down I saw myself covered in fancy clothing and white gloves, a tiny hat sitting on top of my head. Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie all sat on a couch opposite to me, wearing similarly fancy clothing and holding steamy tea cups.

“Oh God damn it!” I shouted, standing up and sending my tea to the floor with a clatter. Twilight looked up to me, barely sipping her tea.

“Isaac you’ve spilled your tea.”

“Oh what a tragedy!” I threw my arms up in the air, staring angrily at them. Something burned on my face and body, some of my wounds still left over from Pinkamena’s treatment.

“You know, it’s not like I just had my eyes gouged out by Pinkie over there and had my face raped… AGAIN!”

“Oh come on you were begging for it.”

“Begging you to stop!” She shrugged her shoulders, Applejack placing her tea down on the armrest.

"Calm down partner, this is a calm place.”

“No! This is just… just mean!” Rainbow Dash chuckled, looking to me with her boyish look.

“Come on Isaac, mean?”

Wasn’t exactly the nicest action when my teeth were knocked in by bubblegum butt over there.”

“Hm, uncalled for.”

“Really? We’re going on the grounds of what’s called for now?”

“At least TRYING to be civilized.”

“Yeah, really easy to believe given the last few hours of my life. Which is now OVER.” Jesus appeared again, tapping me on the shoulder and cringing at my messy and cut features.

“Ick, what happened bro?”

“I thought you’d be watching.”

Naw, Dad keeps it on the big TV in the living room and cheers a lot. I haven’t played Black ops 2 in like 5 days.”

“Oh cry me a river.” I sat back down in the chair, Jesus pulling up another for himself.

“So I’m guessing things didn’t work out quite like we planned?”

“Well, I gotta start over. Cuz bubble butt over there killed me.”

“I believe the correct term to be “eviscerated”.”

Hush you.”

“Well, you want another try?”

“I have to don’t I?”

“Dad just thinks you’re near death, I can bring you back to much better place.”

“Uh… how so?” I shrunk back into the seat, unsure of his offer.

“Just get in there, keep the suit, and shit might go your way and you can go home.”

“So… you’ll heal my fucked up face and let me get on with the challenge?”

“AS LONG, as you promise to not buy Call of Duty: Ghosts.”

“Call of Duty: Ghosts?”

“Oh yeah… you’ve been kinda occupied haven’t you?”

“Yeah… I guess you could say that.” He stood up, grabbing my hand in his.

“Up man, you got mares to poke.”

“Yaaaaaay.” I stood up, looking back at the ponies on the couch behind me.

“Bye Isaac.”

“Catch ya on the flip side.”

“Don’t be a stranger now.”

“Read lots of books.”

“Fail and I’ll cut you.” Jesus led me through the blank whiteness once more, passing a door.

“Keep your voice down, Dad’s in there.”

“Aw the fuck! I picked a boy for raping not cutting! Pinkie!”

“He sounds angry.”

“He hasn’t been smoking, and the last mare kinda set him off.” I gave him a confused look, a loud crashing noise coming from behind the door.

“Wait… he died? HE DIED?!”

“Aw crap, Isaac you gotta disappear!”

“What?”

“If dad figures out I helped you, he’ll be pissed!”

“Won’t he find out anyway?!”

“Like he keeps track of this shit, he just skips to the sex parts! He’ll never notice the suit!” He yanked me down through the blank space, kicking at the white to open a door of the same color.

“Jump boy!”

“WHY?!”

“AH SAID JUMP FAGGOT!” He kicked me in the rear, sending me head over heels into the room beyond the door. The door immediately shut tight behind me, sealing me in a pitch blank room. I struggled to stand, the stiff clothing not doing much to help my mobility. Eventually I climbed to my feet, feeling about the room to find a door at least something other than the smooth surface of the wall. Eventually something small and waist height clocked me in the genitals, signaling its existence in the dark.

“OUCH. Oh damn that hurts!” I cupped my goodies, turning the knob slowly. "Please don’t be Lyra’s house please don’t be Lyra’s house.” I turned it until the knob ceased turning, me pushing it out to open the mystery door. A soft light illuminated the room behind me, leading me into a strangely familiar hall way.

“Isaac honey? Are you upstairs still? Dinner’s ready!” Derpy’s voice came from downstairs, the smell of steamed vegetables coming from downstairs as a slight draft brought the smell of soap from down the hall.

“I’m back… in Derpy’s house.”

“Isaac?! I’ve been waiting for 20 minutes! Is Mommy gonna have to come up there and get you herself?” Something suddenly twitched inside me, like when my own mother is threatening to kick the door down on me while I’m in the bathroom. I don’t know why in the world I’m having this kind of reaction to a small derpy horse that isn’t even REAL, but my dumby brain immediately shat out an answer.

“Coming Mom!” I rushed down the stairs, my new shoes clacking loudly against the creaking steps before I stumbled into the kitchen. Derpy sat at the kitchen table, looking very much disgruntled with a little apron wrapped round her waist and her plate still covered in food. Her eyes went a decree wider at the sight of me, her gaze scoping out my attire.

“Oh… where’d ya get the fancy clothes?” I looked down at myself, the entire assembly of the fancy dress still clinging to me.

“Uuuuuuh… found it?” I said, unsure and rubbing the back of my hand. She stared at my stomach for a good while, finally looking up in a daze.

“looks good sweetie!” She said, blushing as her wings buzzed against the chair.

“Thanks… not really sure how or when I got here, but I’m hungry.” I sat down, a pile of warm broccoli and cup of juice next to my plate.

“Looks good Derpy!” I brought the drink to my lips, the liquid coming close before Derpy began to speak.

“I didn’t know what you liked to drink, so I poured a little bit of everything in the glass.” The liquid hit my tongue, a mixture of grape, orange, cherry, milk and battery acid hitting my tongue.

“AW! What IS this?!” I held the glass out before her, the fluid hitting the table cloth and sizzling it with a putrid black smoke rising from it.

“Okay… chemistry of that is overly alarming.”

“Like I said, everything that looked like drinky stuff I poured in there.”

“Battery acid?!”

“It seemed like a good idea at the time!” I set the glass on the table, reluctantly scooping some broccoli in a fork for consumption. Luckily, the presence of ridiculous poison was not detected. Only sweet, soy soaked broccoli.

“Mh, very good Derpy.”

“Knew you’d like it honey!” She giggled adorably, her blush growing.

“You alright over there?” She stopped, her snoot wrinkling.

“Oh, I’m just fine honey! Just kinda… flustered.” She looked down to the floor, her hoof picking up a random piece of silverware before she almost pitches it off behind her.

“Oospie! Need to get that!” She climbed down, moving to get her fork while I munched on the broccoli. While I wasn’t that fucking dumb, I did take a peek at her. Her butt wiggling in the air as her tail remained as a yellow censor bar.

“Derpy what on Earth are you doing?” She looked to me, the fork in her mouth.

“Wigglin.”

Wigglin?”

“Wigglin.”

Mkaaaaaay… can I ask you to stop?” She held her pace, still shaking to and fro.

“Maaaaaaybe.”

“Okay then, stop.”

“Why?”

“Why?”

“Yeah, I’m just wigglin here and you’re sitting there insulting me and peeking at my seat!” She said matter of factly, her eyes looking nowhere near me.

“Point made, but I am your guest and I would very much like it if you stopped.”

“Well I’m your new Mom! So I can tell ya what to do!”

Hm, I Don’t think that’s what the deal was set up for.”

“I’m just gonna wiggle here for a bit, you can do whatever you want with it.” She and I met gazes for good second somewhat, her eyes barely able to focus on whatever the floor and ceiling needed to show to her.

“Alrighty then. Have fun then.” She continued her odd wiggling, her eyes staring into mine.

“Are you looking?”

“No.”

“Come on!”

“Come on what?!”

“My flank maybe?” A tense second hung in the air, my face wrinkling in anger.

“Going to bed.” I stood up rather stiffly, having finished my dinner shortly before.

“Wha-Isaac! Come on buddy!” She followed, hovering in front of me. She put her hooves to my shoulders and let me tell you, if it had been any other pony at the time I might have felt the urge to tear their legs off. But because Derpy Is Derpy, logic exchanged itself for Derpy logic. Again.

“I-I don’t have to wiggle anymore! We can just um… er…”

“Have a nice dinner perhaps?”

“Yeah! No pony has to go leaving the other here!” She almost squealed, getting closer and closer until she was clasped onto me tighter than a vice grip. She rested her chin on my chest, looking up to me with big, pleading derpy eyes.

“Leave? I was just gonna go to bed and let you calm down a bit. I was thinking I’d finally found a mare that isn’t trying to rape me.”

“Rape?”

“Bad touchies.”

“Ooooooh.” She still held tightly to me, her eyes derping about in wayward directions as I walked us back to the table. I pulled out a chair for myself and waited for her to move, of course this was the exact opposite of what I should’ve expected.

“Derpy?”

“Mmmh hmmm?”

“I need to sit.”

“Sit then, I won’t be in your way.”

“Really?”

“You’re snuggly wuggly Isaac! Can’t I just enjoy it a little longer?” Our gazes met, she sneezed, my heart melted and we both laughed a little.

“Okay then Derpy, enjoy it all you want.” I sat in the chair, pulling up the table as Derpy rested her wings on top of the table. I slid her little plate to her, a fork and a snoot digging into her food that was still left. She snorted and snuffled as she ate, her tail wagging in my lap. She had turned about, her face effectively buried in her food as she nibbled away. I set my arm on the table, hand resting on my jaw to let my neck finally have a break. A stolen glance out the window showed a dark night sky, odd seeing how the last time I was here it was broad daylight. Upon closer inspection I could see the lights of Ponyville shading the black sky, the multitude of small hills of the usual background obscured to form a total sheet of black to cover the landscape indefinitely.

“Watcha lookin at honey?”

“I’m not sure… kinda feelin homesick.”

“Oh yeah… that does beg the question of where you came from.”

“Trottingham… but I never did get to meet another of my species.”

“I’ve only ever heard of humans from Lyra. But of course she’s kinda nutty.”

“Comin from you that’s one hell of a statement.”

“She went on and on about how she was going to find herself a human and tie them up in her basement and make snuggles with them. All day everyday! Sometimes just makes a mail mare go crazy!” She said, licking her plate as my mind officially went into offended mode.

“Aaaaaaand you heard this, brought a human into your home and then just left me alone in the bath tub twice?”

“I didn’t think much of it, she also said she was into mares.” I shook my head in crazy disbelieve, wanting to throttle the little grey mass before she hopped from my lap and into the air.

“Time for beddie byes Isaac! Since you’ve already had your tubby you can just come right to bed with me!” She stayed in the air, watching me with a gleeful demeanor. I shrugged my shoulders, standing up and carting the plates to the sink. After successful dumping I turned to see derpy extracting a book from an unreasonably high shelf and scoot up the stairs. I followed, using the sounds of her squeaks and flutters as a reference to her position. She was at the far end of the hall, flitting about a large queen sized bed with a book in her mouth. I stood in the door frame, my loud, hard shoes drawing her attention long before I stopped.

“Where am I sleeping tonight?”

“You don’t wanna share a bed?”

Nnnno.”

“It’ll be awfully chilly without you.”

“You got a blanket Derpy you’ll be just fine.”

“Pweeeeeeease?!” She trembled her lower lip, staring into my eyes with her gigantic derpy ones.

“No.”

“Ugh, fine. But can you at least read me a story before bed?”

“Sure, as long as I have a bed.” She smiled wide and nestled herself under the covers, her hoof pushing the book to the foot of the bed. I came in, turned on her lamp, sat on the bed and held the book gently. The cover was ancient, visibly falling apart at the seams. The text was almost illegible, faded from obvious age and abuse.

“This is an old book Derpy.”

“It was my mommy’s mommy’s. I’ve had it since I was a little filly.” She squeed, snuggling under the covers as I removed my hat and gloves. We exchanged smiles, my eyes viewing over the title.

“The Tale of Little Yipperlu.”

“It’s what my mommy read me to sleep with.”

“Wait… that was my nickname when I was a baby…”

“It’s a well known story, maybe your mommy named you after the story book in Trottingham.” Disturbing thought pushed away for now. I opened the thing slowly, the crackling and crinkling of the ancient material noisy and apparent.

“Once, in the times before nightmare moon, there lived a young black filly named Yipperlu. She was a very nice little filly, always helping her mommy in the kitchen and her daddy in the garden. She was very smart and pretty, and her parents loved her very much. But Yipperlu was very different from many other ponies. Many ponies were pretty colors, pink, blue, white, orange some even rainbow. But Yipperlu wasn’t like any of those ponies, she was a sleek, shiny black. Hoof to ear, her fur was blacker than night and shinier than even the prettiest diamond.” Derpy closed her eyes, resting her large head on a pillow with a small breath though her nose. One of her ears flopped down, the other perked to listen to me. My WTF meter was flying off the charts, the story pertaining almost exactly to how I was a kid. The outcast in black in a world of color.

“E-even though Yipperlu was a very kind and gentle filly, many mares and stallions feared her. Her shiny black coat was so unusual that some ponies avoided her entirely. Never giving her a chance or being even the slightest bit generous. Yipperlu was very sad, she spent a lot of her time by the lake… staring at her wavy reflection in the water… day by day nothing seemed to change. Every black hair on her little body still remained, still shone in the light, still permanently a part of her. One day, when Yipperlu was not but 12 winters of age, she rushed off into the forest. The voices of the cruel ponies… only chasing.” I shuttered on the bed, remembering step by step… the day I did very much the same.

“Yipperlu hid herself away in the dark cover, feeling like forever she could cover herself in this feeling. This feeling of security. She did many things here; sometimes she would read library books in the forest. She learned many things in the forest, origami, cartography, how to play chess and many other things too numerous to count. Her Mommy and Daddy worried about her, being in the woods alone. She never did tell them how she felt, how she was made fun of and feared. Yipperlu couldn’t make them feel guilty in such a manner. It was no pony’s fault she was the way she was, but for the time, grinding through the days seemed the best solution.” Derpy snuffled a bit, my reading somewhat low and sad in tone. I peaked to her, the small stains on her pillow just below her eyes. Her eyes remained closed, mine still trained on her. I decided to lay down next to her before I continued, extending an arm to pull her into a soft hug. She gladly returned it, nuzzling her wet face into my neck and suit.

“You’re an amazing reader Isaac… I’ve never cried to Yipperlu before.”

“Seems… freakishly familiar to me.”

“It has that effect on a lot of ponies.” She buried her face in my neck, sniffling and crying quietly. I held her to me, continuing to read.

“One day, Yipperlu came upon a sight that made her little heart flutter with joy. A small, black colt hiding in her spot in the forest. Who he was and where he came from was of no concern, her only one being of a social nature. She made like lightning to get to him, their eyes meeting in a lock of the strongest material in all of existence. New, blossoming passion. They became very good friends, meeting day in and day out to read more books and learn more skills. His name was Duster, but he was known to Yipperlu as Dustly. Both shared a friendship unlike any other, knowing the neither one had another friend to call their own. For years this carried on, things changed, buildings fell and rose, ponies came and went and the moon rose as the sun did for 20 winters. Before something was to come about in Yipperlu’s life. A time when life ceases to give, but takes in imminent strokes. THIS is a children’s book?”

“It’s my favorite children’s book! Also the only book in the house.” She didn’t open her eyes, still cuddling up against me.

“Before long, her Mommy, then her Daddy came to exist no more. Going up to the palace in the sky to forever live with the great mother Faust.”

‘Oh no this “mother Faust” stuff again.’

“She was very sad at the lost, and never quite felt the same. That warm place in her heart was never again filled in such a way. But the one thing she could always attest to, in this dire time, was her best friend Dusty, to be by her side. Forever now and forever later.” The book came to an end, me still turning the page expecting more. Oddly enough, it only showed the inside of the back cover. On the back was a taped piece of paper, a crayon drawing of a grey blob with a white blob on its head and a second grey blob with a yellow blob on its head. The second blob had a set of blobs on its back, oddly oval like. Both of them stood on a block of green, looking to each other with crude smiley faces etched onto their blobbiness. At the corner of the taped paper was the most horrible depiction possible in the English language of the word “Ditzy Doo” in black crayon. To say the least, my heart split in two. But my mind still found its self prying for answers.

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.” She sniffed again, my neck damp with her tears and drool. I ran through the pages again, looking for a missing page or an epilogue of some sort.

“It was kinda… curt on the ending.”

“It was always kinda short. But I always assumed it was because nothing was left to be said.”

“It’s an odd ball that’s for sure… did you draw this here?” She opened an eye half way, examining it.

“Yeah, my Mommy put it in there when I was 5.”

“It’s cute Derpy.”

Thanks, I always liked coloring. Even if my ponies are just bloby thingies.” She nuzzled into my neck and shoulder, taking giggly breaths through the fabric.

“You’re a really good reader Isaac.”

“Maybe if the story made sense I could do better.” She just giggled, releasing her grip on my neck and scooting away.

“There’s a free room just to the left. If you really don’t wanna spend the night with me.” I stood up, still holding the closed book and readjusting my hat.

“I’ll take the room thanks, don’t want to get too well acquainted.”

“Why is that exactly?”

“Well… I gotta get home some time. I’ve got peo-ponies and business to take care of.”

“You could always just stay here. With me.”

“I’d… be afraid to. I’m not really safe to be around.”

“Oh come on Isaac. I mean you’re kinda spooky and all, but you seem perfectly nice.”

“That’s the thing… just trust me on this one. I won’t be here one more day then I have to and then you can forget all about me forever.”

“And if I never want to do that?”

“… then you’re not thinking quite straight.”

“These kinds of things have never been straight or black and white Isaac.” I made my way to the door frame, turning her lamp off and getting ready to close the door.

“Always welcome in the bed if you get cold Isaac. Or if Pinkamena comes again.” I shivered at the name, not exactly fully recovered from that event.

“Considered.” I moved to close the door, her voice sounding out before I could fully close it.”

“Please?” A tiny squeak escaped the room, my movements stopping entirely.

“P-… pardon?”

“Please Isaac? Please come… stay with me.” I held my spot for a second, contemplating as I bit my lip.

“I promise I won’t snuggle you… I just want some pony to be next to me.” Her voice came so softly, so faintly so quietly. My heart couldn’t handle it; my brain stepped down from control, letting my most idiotic feeling take the wheel. That feeling, is adoration for Derpy Hooves. I slowly opened the door once more, stepping in and placing the book on the nightstand. I untied my shoes first, my socks coming with them followed by my jacket. The rest of my clothes slid off besides my boxers, oddly enough being my novelty heart boxers. Derpy shuffled about in the bed, sliding to the opposite side and throwing up the covers for me. She pulled a pillow down and placed it in the middle of the bed to make a motley wall, her pillow.

“There, now we don’t have to worry about… touching in the night.” I slid under the warm covers, the bed being barely big enough for my height. She watched me climb in intently, scooting up to the barrier pillow and laying her head on it.

“Good night… Isaac.”

“You know… I think I can tolerate not having a wall.” Her eyes went a little wider, her tail wagging under the sheets.

“R-… really?”

“It’s okay Derpy… It’s not too big a deal for a pony like you.” She stared me down for a second with her weird eyes before she moved, her body inching closer to mine with tiny shuffles of the sheets. She didn’t move her barrier, simply resting her head on my bicep and keeping her gaze to mine. She and I exchanged heavy breaths, both of us breathing each other’s intense air.

“Comfy?” I ask, her soft mane rubbing against my arm and face.

“Y-yeah… I like this more than the pillow…”

“We don’t really need the pillow Derpy. I can man up for one night.” I pulled the pillow out of from between us, her body almost immediately filling the vacuum of warmth by clasping onto mine. Her soft fur and warm mass rubbed against mine, her face getting closer. Much closer. Her nose touched to mine, her blush matching mine as we both felt out heart rates jump. Her hips pressed into mine, the warmth of her haunches cast aside for the moment to her wings. Her wings jumped up excitedly, the covers coming with them.

“Ever done this before with another sta-“

“Nope.”

“Huh… then we’re both noobies. Let me get that for you though.” I reached up and held her wing, gently pulling it down to her body with little resistance. She breathed heavier, her little legs holding onto me like a daughter does a strong father.

“There, now I get half the blanket and you the other.”

“O-okay… Isaac.” I adjusted the blanket to cover us both evenly, the soft fabric like heaven in tandem with her fur.

“Night Derpy… see ya in the morning.” She closed her eyes, her head working its way under mine. In one such motion, she replaced my pillow with her soft head. Her ear against my lips as it twitched and flopped up and down sporadically. I closed my eyes, the warm, soft thing against me bringing me to a very soft place. A place I had never been to before, but gladly welcomed. My usual insomniac tendencies faded, sleep coming quickly as Derpy’s little snoozes and snorts acted as a soft lullaby.

“Come on Isaac! Time ta learn the way a life!” I shook awake, in the back of my Dad’s shitty pickup truck. I sat up, looking about the place. An old, dusty, smelly and green horse farm, why was I here? Couldn’t remember. I feel asleep in the back again, probably because I haven’t had more than 6 hours of sleep in 3 days. My Dad opened the door of the bed, grabbing my foot and shaking me into alertness.

“Come on and wake up boi! Ah said it’s time ta learn now get yer ass movin!” Just like my Dad, a West Virginian hillbilly. My Mom was a writer from New York, and often fought with my Dad. To say the least, they each had their own ideas about raising a kid. Now that I was 12, my Dad wouldn’t let me take Sex Ed and had since decided to teach me himself. He woke me up at 5 this morning, threw me in the back of the truck and took me to the Hinton’s horse farm. Even though my Mom hated horses and never wanted me near one. I, being the most obedient moron on this Earth, trudged from the back onto the dirt. A cloud was tornadoed away in the wind, the red dust choking the air of anything breathable.

“Alrighty then, Isaac, this is mah good friend Richard.” He pointed to a large, round man with a scraggly grey beard, biker glasses and ripped overalls. He held a huge hand out to me, spitting out some tobacco.

“Mornin kid, ya ready ta learn somethin?” I accepted his handshake, my grip nothing compared to his freak crushing power.

“Y-yeah… I guess.”

“Aw hell, Isaac! Get a little excited! Ya’ll gonna see the greatest show nature has ta offer!”

“Really?!” I said, getting wrongly excited.

“Hell ya! Dick, get that mare Zibby out here!”

“Ah told ya ta call me Richard ass hole!”

“Well ah forgot ya damn pig!”

“Watch yer mouth before ah fill it wit a 12 gauge!”

“Just git the damn horses out!”

Horses?” Richard disappeared into a nearby barn, my Dad leading me to a fence and resting against it.

“Just sit back and watch Isaac. It’s the miracle of life in action!” Richard came out of the barn with a large grey horse, leading it to us.

“This here’s Zibby. She likes apples.” He threw me and apple, when I picked it up from the ground because I’m a fucking terrible catcher the mare trotted up to me. The horse ate the apple out of my hand, much to my delight.

“Hee hee! It tickles Dad!” I petted her giant nose, her face then coming up to sniff me. Her giant nose pushed into me, tickling like mad. My Dad pulled the apple out of my hand and pitched it behind him, looking to Richard.

“Ah suggest ya’ll go break out Buster before ma son turns inta some god damn nature fag.” Richard simply nodded, making his way back to the barn in silence. Zibby continued to sniff and lick me, my Dad swatting at her.

“Go on! Git! Isaac pay attention! What you’re about ta see is MUCH more important than that damn “Sex Ed” bullshit they be teachin ya at school!”

“B-but… I wanted to pet it.”

“It’s a HER Isaac! See that thing on her winkin and drippin?” He pointed to her rear end, her tail lifted with much liquid pouring down her thigh.

“Dad! Dad that’s nasty!”

“That aint nasty! That’s real life right there!”

“Dad!”

“Isaac don’t ya DARE go tellin me you don’t like pussy now!”

“Dad that’s a horse!”

“You a man?! Or a fag?!”

“I’m a man!”

“Then hush up and enjoy! Damn, you’re brother had it in a second! Ah mean shit! Ah had to hold that crazy man to keep him from hopping the fence! Wish HE was here instead a you!”

“D-… Dad I’m sorry. I… kinda see what you see in the… horse’s… parts. It’s a very nice… um… compilation of folds.”

“Pussy boi!” Richard came out of the barn again, a HUGE black stallion trotting quickly behind him. Richard let the thing go, laughing as he approached us.

“That damn thing just bout broke ma back when ah was tryin to get him ready! He ready ah tell ya what!”

“Ready for… for what?”

THIS Isaac, is what ah brought ya ta see. Just watch that little ol mare as good as ya can.”

“Dad! We’re not actually gonna watch them…”

“Hell yeah we are! And YOU gonna be the one to learn it!”

“Dad!”

“Ah- aaaaaaaaw! There we go Buster!” The stallion mounted the mare, my hands covering my eyes.

“DAD! That’s just wrong!” He sighed and got off the fence.

“Shit son! What kinda man are ya if ya can’t even enjoy some good ol lovin?”

“It’s a HORSE dad!”

“Well ah can’t go showin ya PEOPLE doin now can I?! That’s illegal!” I covered my eyes more, the sound of the mare’s whinny echoing about the whole place as Richard cheered.

“Better than doin it by hand ah tell ya what.”

“Ah! What is WRONG with you?!”

“It’s mah job! Ah get paid a thousand dollars to jack off them stallion over there!”

“Dad, I’m going back to the truck!” I started off, hearing their voices as I fell back into the bed.

“A thousand dollars?”

“That be how much they pay for that horse spunk. Make more race horses.”

“Hmmmm… ah think ah just found Isaac a summer job then.” I jolted back to life, Derpy bouncing, but thankfully not waking. I was sweating quite profusely, the sheets clinging to my warm flesh. Derpy was still nailed to me, her snoot now huffing my scent from my neck and chest. I rubbed my head, feeling a hot, bothered sensation against my palm. My body shook, the reality of the dream vivid in many more ways than one. I slowly wiggled out from Derpy’s grasp, her little smile turning into a worried frown as she struggled about in her sleep.

“Isa… Isaac… where… Isaac?!” I sat on the edge of the bed for a second, putting my hand up to her nose. She sniffed it twice, throwing her hooves round it in a warm hug.

“Got… ya.” She smiled again, her tail wagging and disturbing the covers behind her. Sadly, I removed my hand out from under her grasp. Quickly I shuffled into the bathroom, turning on the faucet to let water rush over my tired face. My usual black bags of sleep deprivation remained, more purple than I remember, but still freakishly dark. The water seemed to do the trick, my icky feeling fading. Unlike my memory.

“Ugh… never thought THAT memory would ever come back.” I leaned against the sink, taking a breath before I moved out and down the hall back down to derpy. When I opened the door she was frantically squirming in the bed, almost crying. Seeing this, I immediately dove in and got close to her. Her nose huffed my scent, her smile returning as her eyes opened.

“Hey Isaac.”

“Hey Derpy.” We said softly, my arms still caging her in a gently hold.

“Were we like this when you woke up?”

“Sorta.” She giggled and rolled onto her belly, standing up in the bed slowly as her joints cricked and cracked. She yawned, which made me yawn, her little giggle irresistible.

“Let me get dressed… and maybe I’ll cook breakfast for us.”

“Plenty of muffins, no need to cook.”

“Oh yeah, the muffins thing.” I stood up, grabbing my assortment of garments to plaster back on. Starting with my pants and working to my shirt. When I lifted my jacket from the floor, a loud “rrrrrrrrip!” sound followed it, a pocket caught on a chore handle and subsequently tearing the jacket almost in half.

“Daw shirt without the “R” part!” I groaned in dissatisfaction, Derpy sympathetically holding it in her hooves.

“Oh no! You’re fancy whatjamajigger!” She and I exchanged sighs, the jacket more than ruined.

“I-I know a pony in town who could fix this! She’ll do it for cheap!” Derpy stated, my mind, although very stupid, figuring out the mare in a flash.

“I’m assuming a mare by the name of Rarity?”

“I was suggesting Colgate, but yeah! Rarity is a MUCH better mare to ask!” I rolled my eyes, carrying the torn things down the stairs with Derpy. I took a seat at the table, Derpy flapping to the fridge and pulling out two muffins on a single plate.

“Careful, they’re really chilly.”

“Weird warning, can’t be too bad.” I grabbed a muffin and took an indiscriminate bite, Derpy failing to stop me.

“W-wait Isa-“

“AW!” I bit into the rock-like pastry, a tooth almost cracking in response.

“Son of a-... MMMH!” I held my cheek, the pain like a bad bruise.

“Are you alight honey?!” Derpy said, hopping on the table like a mad woman and pressing her nose to my lips.

“Ah! Yes I’m fine! Just don’t touch my lips!”

“Lips?” She nudged closer, the tooth responding in less than a happy mood.

“Stahp! That’s not helping!”

“Oh! I know what will help!”

“That is-“ she moved her snoot into my mouth, her lips pushing into my mouth rather… aggressively. They eventually made their way to my tooth, Derpy making an exaggerated kissing noise.

“Mmmmmmua! There! A kiss to make it feel better!” My face didn’t waste a second, it held a look that actually caused Derpy to retract a bit. I couldn’t look at it of course, but by the way I was feeling it obviously wasn’t too sunny looking.

“S-sorry… it looked like it hurt.”

“Thanks, but never again.”

“R-right…” She sunk back in her seat, pulling herself a muffin with a rather defeated look.

“You don’t have to feel bad about it; I just don’t want any smooches.”

“I understand Isaac. Just got a little… um…”

“Excited?”

“Yeah... That.” She and I cracked through our muffins, the awkward silence a little bit much for Derpy.

“I gotta go to work today… is it alright if I just drop you off at the place and we can meet home when my shift’s over?” The gears in my head started turning, thinking that if Rarity is the last of the mane 6 I have to go through, I might as well just stick with her plan. Anything to get home faster by now.

“That works just fine Derpy, I’ll be home before you if things go my way.” She nibbled her muffin, still looking quite saddened.

“Hey… I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to offend.”

“Just forget about it. By now it doesn’t matter.” The air turned tense, the muffins disappearing slowly as Derpy went put on her Mail-Mare apparel. I folded the jacket against the table, Derpy nuzzling my leg when she was ready to go leave.

“I’m still sorry Isaac.”

“I said forget about it, which means I accepted.”

“Didn’t sound like it.” I let out a long sigh, placing the folded fabric under an arm.

“I got a lot of problems Derpy, hopefully I can clear them up today and be done with them.”

“How? You mean between Pinkie and Lyra?”

“…yeah that.” She lead me out of the house and into the full view of the public, some ponies already staring while others duck behind cover.

“Do you need help? I can always take the day off.”

“As much as I would… strangely enjoy that, I’ll be fine. After today I’m off scot free.”

“I’m still not sure what the issue is here.”

“Well, let’s just say everything will be just fine after today.” I lied through a grin, Derpy returning an equally unsure grin. I jumped for the chance of going home, but then again, this IS Equestria. Where everything is better than Earth and all the citizens are kind and (rapists) caring. As well, the prospect of living with Derpy DOES sound significantly better than going home to my usual bore of a life. I mean, why go home and spend the rest of my adolescence watching ponies on the computer when they’re right here? Then again, I don’t think I EVER wanna see the mane 6 EVER. Or Lyra now that I think about it. I was definitely conflicted, but in all honesty… I was decided long before the end was even near.

“Okay then… just follow me down to the clothes shop.” She and I started forward in silence down the dirt path, my eyes still darting from house to house to watch for potential followers. We were be stared down by the entire village, those who DID meet my gaze sunk back into a hiding stance. The only thing I’m sure was medicating my appearance was the accompaniment of Derpy. But guessing from her reputation it wasn’t much help to my already freakish appearance.

“Are we close? I don’t like some of the looks we’re getting.” Derpy looked to each side, adjusting her little hat to see better.

“I dunno Isaac, ponies usually look at me like this all the time.”

“Not very re-assuring.”

“It’s just around the corner, no need to worry.” I still didn’t quite trust her, some ponies now daring to meet my gaze either a vicious look or a sultry one. My face remained the same, confused as hell and possibly afraid. Something that the sultry looks only made worse. But as Derpy promised, the building was on the next turn. The large, feminine building stood tall in its purple and white stature. It was frilly as I remembered, the carnival ride like nature of the whole place not changing one bit as we stepped up to it. The porch surrounded the structure, the guard rail hiding us slightly. The ceiling came in contact with the top of my head.

“This is the place Isaac… are you SURE you’ll be alright Isaac? I mean… I can still take that day off if you want.” We met gazes, my temptations of simply going home with her and never leaving painfully obvious. In no way did I want to go and do this, in no way did I know I was ACTUALLY going home. For all I knew, I could be sent back to Pinkamena when the challenge was finished. There was some sort of guarantee in staying with Derpy; I would at least have a bed and food to munch on. Even if I didn’t get my own bed… Derpy was awfully cuddly.

“I can handle it, it might take a little bit to get over the um… appearance. But I promise I’ll be back at the house before you get home.” Even Derpy could understand I was lying, but she didn’t seem sure enough to really get in the middle of it. She hugged against my leg, rubbing her face into my thigh.

“Bye Isaac.” She cooed softly, her voice melancholy in tone. I patted her head softly, wanting badly to pull her into a hug.

“Don’t worry Derpy, I’ll be just fine.” She only hugged harder, her face pressed into my leg. Some ponies trotted by us, giving Derpy and me shocked looks.

“What are YOU looking at?” I said as Berry Punch trotted passed.

“Nutin man! I can’t even tell if you’re real or not!” She said rather drunkenly, stumbling about with a bottle in bag.

“Might wanna take it easy on the sauce Berry.”

“Will do Celestia monkey!” She fell on her face, the bottle rolling several feet away as Derpy released me. She looked me down one time, turned and left with a heavy hoof. I watched her go for a long while; eventually she took flight and disappeared in a crazy spin out through a cloud, and explosion ringing out somewhere distant.

“Ugh… lets go fuck me a mare.” I turned about and hesitantly opened the door, the frilly thing being just barely tall enough to let me in without having to duck. The inside was extremely tall compared to the ceiling of the porch, the air reeking of perfume and fabric.

“Cooooooomiiiiiiing!” A feminine, posh voice echoed from the stairs, Rarity herself trotting gracefully down the stairs.

“First customer of the day! How may I-“ She stopped cold at the sight of me, her jaw dropping and eyes going wide.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get the screaming out of the way now and let’s get on with this.” She looked me up and down, her tail lifting slightly and her jaw closing.

“W-would your name happen to be… Isaac perhaps?”

“Wait, you know my name?” She smiled and almost hopped in the air.

“My goodness! This is simply unheard of! I can’t believe I found you! In my own store of all places too!” I viewed her like she was mad, her composure returning in a very lady like inhale.

“Mind explaining something?”

“Well dear, unless every Huhmen in Equestria is name Isaac, I know a mare that’s been searching ALL over for you!”

“No… no, no, n-“

“Fluttershy darling! I found him! He’s right in here.!” A fear of unstoppable proportions erupted in my chest, my arms dropping the jacket. I froze in place as Fluttershy poked her head out from behind a door, her mane frizzy and her eyes sleep depraved. Of course she essentially exploded at the side of me, her smile heartwarming but terrifying in the same motion.

“ISAAC!!!” She tore out of whatever room she was hiding in, tackling me painfully to the floor.

“ISAACIMISSEDYOUSOOOOOOOOMUCHNEVERWORRYMELIKETHATAGAIN!” She was dressed in a pink and purple robe, tissues clinging to her as her sticky face pressed into mine.

“My goodness Fluttershy! I didn’t know he meant so much!” Rarity giggled, my shear surprise holding me in a frozen position under her.

“What happened Isaac? I just woke that morning and you were gone! I looked all over for you!” She sobbed, pressing her head into my clothed chest and letting her tears wet it. She hugged me tighter than Derpy, her little tongue coming out to run up my neck rather… stickily? Stickly-icky? Sticky-y? In that instance of wet, warm contact I shoved her off, making for the door faster than all hell.

“ISAAC! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!” Fluttershy cried from behind, my shoulder knocking the door down the petite purple piece of wood. I burst out into the sunlight, rushing out into the main street in a huffing madness. I didn’t really know where I was going; I went the opposite direction of Derpy’s house and straight through the market. Every pony saw me run through, most screaming and other’s questioning my fear. Fluttershy followed not far behind, screaming and crying.

“ISAAC! PLEASE COME BACK I NEED YOU!!!” The screaming and running attracted the attention of the entire town, any pony in my way quickly jumping out of the way. Before I knew it I was hoping carts and stands, trying not to knock things down but failing drastically. Applejack’s stand came in through the cross fire, my black jacket still wrapped around her forlorn body as she caught a glimpse of me.

“Isaac? Is that you?!”

“NOQUITETHECONTRARY!” She chased anyway, watching Fluttershy go past her in a similar fury of speed.

“Isaac?! What in the hay are ya’ll doin?!”

“HE’S MINE!” Fluttershy squealed, picking up speed.

“FUCK. OFF!” I continued running from them, passing under a strangely out of place storm cloud. A piece of rainbow hung over the side, a pile of bottles under the cloud. I tripped over the bottles, making a huge noise before I quickly picked myself up. Rainbow Dash stirred from her perch, watching me go with the two mares tailing.

“Isaac! What happened to you?!”

“No! I deny you!” She came down from her cloud, chasing me along with the other mares. She was of course faster than them, and actually got pretty close to me. But her large liquid consumption slowed her down enough to let me elude her grasp.

“Isaac slow down! I just wanna talk!”

“Get away from me!!!” We all passed the library, the broken bits of glass being cleaned up by a disheveled Spike and a worried looking Twilight Sparkle. She immediately spotted me, her composure almost exactly like Fluttershy’s.

“Isaac!” She started her own chase, not paying much mind to the other mares after me as well. Rarity surprisingly enough still followed Fluttershy, all of the mares becoming weary from this laborious chase.

“Isaac please! I love you!”

“Ah still got that free bed if ya’ll need it!”

“Bro! I’m sorry for peeing in the tub! Come on man!”

“Get back here! Celestia’s not hearing a word about this!”

“Girls?! Why are we chasing him?!” I continued to sprint in silence, tearing through SugarCube Corner again. Tables were thrown to the side as I hustled through, a pink blob accompanying a green one at one table. Something brown tumbled to the ground, a loud slopping noise following.

“MY SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!”

“Damn it all!”

“Wait- LYRA! We have to stop him before he tattles!!!”

“Wha-Isaac! I thought you finished him!”

“I did! Now chase!” She and Lyra sped off after me, joining the growing pastel mess behind me as a cloud of dust trailed close behind them. I myself felt I could keep this up as long as I needed to, the air in my lungs sufficient when combined with my overwhelming fear. I went as far as to leave the village, running down a path of dirt and pebbles. I looked back; the whole mane 6 and Lyra still coming quick but low on breath.

“Can’t you take a hint?!”

“Bro! Any faster and I’m gonna pee again!” I kept the speed up, eventually running up a sharp hill. Only the two pegasui could keep up, the others were crawling up slowly. I came to the peak first, stopping at the fringe of a sickeningly tall drop. I stopped from running just before I slipped and plummeted, pebbles and bits of dirt dropping.

“Shit... shit, shit, SHIT!” I turned back, the mares all getting over the horizon of the hill. Most of them dropped from exhaustion, Rainbow Dash and Applejack the only ones standing.

“Now ya’ll best be explainin yourself! Havin all them mares chasin ya!”

“Why are you running?! I just wanna explain myself!”

“Isaac! I thought you loved me!”

“You didn’t tell the cops did you?!”

“I thought I killed you!”

“HUSH UP! All of you! Before I take a step back!” They all froze up, my foot shifting back towards the vertigo inducing drop.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa bro! No need to do something we might regret!”

“Isaac no! Please don’t do it!”

“What in tarnation is wrong with you?! Jumpin off some dang cliff when a bunch of mares are askin ya ta come home with em!”

“Isaac I’m sorry! Just please don’t tell Celestia!”

“WHY are we chasing him? I know Fluttershy has a reason bu-“

“How’d you come back? I thought I did a good job throwing you in the river!”

“STOP! Just stop!” I growled, taking a fighting stance and snarling. They all took a step back, even Pinkie and Lyra.

“Are all humans as whiny as you?”

“Lyra!”

“Well sorry Fluttershy, but you’d think he’d be all over this.”

“NO! That’s not the point here!” They all gave me bewildered looks, my breath heavy with anger.

“What’s with you?! You think love and whatever Pinkie does is worth this?! I wasn’t EVER consensual with ANY of this!”

“B-but… you said yes!”

“You don’t understand! I HAD to do it!”

“What in the hay is that supposed ta mean?!”

“Isaac quit being stupid! It’s not like some magical force is making you do this!”

“You… none of you would understand! This is a little beyond MY comprehension!” Twilight in particular stood up, questioning me with her prying eyes.

“Isaac… we can help you! There’s no need to do something as crazy as I think you’re going to do.” She tried to appear calm, the other ponies doing the same. Rarity, Lyra and Pinkie didn’t follow suit however.

“Just… just leave me alone! I don’t want your rape filled help!” Fluttershy came forward, making me take a tense step back.

“Isaac… please believe me when I say this-but… I’m sorry for what I did. Can you please forgive me?” I was about to shake my head “no”, but the other mares began standing up and sniffling.

“Ahm Sorry Isaac… ah shoulda just let ya worked and gave ya the bed… it was wrong what ah did.” Applejack and pulled her hat down, still boasting my jacket round her shaking body. Rainbow Dash rubbed her arm nervously, looking away from me.

“Me too man… I just… lost control there I guess. Forgive?” She then turned her gaze to me, begging with her eyes the same as the other mares.

“I don’t want to make us sound like a broken record… but I’m sorry Isaac. It was… just gross what I did to you. Can you somehow find it in your heart to forgive me AND my friends?” Even Pinkie, with her mane slightly de-poofing stepped forward with Lyra by her side.

“Now that I think about it… it may have been a bad idea to hurt you. Aaaaaaaaand we’re both really sorry for doing all those messed up things to you. Also the rape, tying you down and gouging your eyes-“

“Yeah, yeah, yeah I got it Pinkie.”

“I apologize to you… for kidnapping and selling you for the price of two movie tickets. I really could’ve gotten like 50 or 60 bits out of you.” I leered to her, turning around to look down the cliff.

“ISAAC NO!” Fluttershy came forward once more, the mane 6 all taking a sharp gasp at my move.

“Isaac, bro, listen to me. it was an accident! Therefore, it wasn’t technically rape! I’m off the hook right?!” Rainbow Dash did a little squee noise, smiling rather pathetically.

“Just don’t jump man… we really don’t want you to jump.” Rainbow sniffled, the mane six getting closer to each other and begging in a collective manner. Their faces, say for Rarity’s, all reminded me of my trials. The faces I once remembered as the cute little escapes from depression, now all of them reminders of the dirty shit I’ve done. I watched them as the wind blew through my hair, then turned about to look down the cliff. Two choices, jump… or stay. Plummet 100 feet to my back shattering death, or stay and deal with those faces.

“Isaac… please.” Begged Fluttershy, her tears falling down to the ground.

“Please don’t jump… I… need you Isaac.” I stared them in the eyes, my heart melting and at the same time screaming in rage. Look back, look forward. Choices, choices, choices.

Author's Note

Chapter 5 is possibly being re-written. I’m not quite sure, but it’s only because I’m such a wienie at writing. I would apologize for the lack of sex, but would also like to ask that you’d put your boners back in your pants.