“You really want me to forgive you all?”

“Yes! Please do!”

“Isaac if ya’ll jump I swear ah’ll buck ya so hard your grandfoals will be say ouch!”

Come on man! We said we were sorry!”

“Please Isaac?! Please forgive us?! The guilt’s too much to bare!”

“Why are you all begging? This all seems a little… much.” I looked back over them, all their faces portraying their sincerity.

“I promise to never tough you again! Just please don’t jump!”

“You can come stay at the barn if ya need! All the free food ya’ll can eat and never have to worry bout me touchin ya’ll again!”

“Isaac it was a mistake! Just let me say I’m sorry over some drinks!”

“I can make it better! I can erase your memory of it! We can still be friends!”

“I promise to never kill another pony ever again if you don’t jump!” All the mane 6 stopped and looked to her and Lyra, wide eyed and mouth agape.

“WHAT?!” They all said in unison, taking their gaze from me.

“Oh yeah… I’ve got a bit to explain don’t I? Heh heh… heh.” While they were all turned I took my opportunity, leaping from the mountain and holding my mouth closed to keep from screaming. Below me the ground was nothing but fields, the landscape approaching faster and faster as I fell. I was barely half way down before a congregation of screams rung out from on top of the mountain, a blue blur zooming over the edge. Of course Rainbow was after me, not being as fast as I would’ve expected thanks to her need to wiz.

“ISAAC! WHAT THE HAY ARE YOU DOING?!”

“PUTTING THIS NONSENSE TO AN END!”

“THAT’S INSANE!”

“EXACTLY!!!” She grabbed at my feet, my legs kicking feebly at her.

“NO!”

“ISAAC! STOP BEING BA- OH CRAP!” She stopped abruptly, floating in the air as I continued falling. I smiled at her stoppage, before hitting something surprisingly soft. It cushioned my fall enough to only shatter my back and let me fall on the ground face first.

“UUUUUGH… what the fuck?” I barely grumbled, looking up to see Big Mac looking rather disgruntled over me.

“Hey… Mac.”

“Eeyup.”

“You ever say anything else?”

“Sometimes.”

“Oh… did you come to save me?”

“Nnnope.”

“Oh… then you’re here to kill me?”

“Eeyup.” He said matter of factly, rearing up and whinnying like an angry horse.

“AW SHI-“ He came back down on my head, blacking me out in a millisecond with a loud thwack.

“Isaac… Isaac wake up.” Something said, sharply tapping my face with a foot.

“No… Mom I hate going to therapy…”

“Get up.” Another sharp tap to my face, this one directly in my eye.

“Ah! WHAT?! What is it?!” I looked up, the south park version of god standing over me.

“You… moron.”

“What the hell?” He was freakishly mouse like, except green and brown with buck teeth. He was barely 6 inches tall, his little tail longer than he was tall.

“Shut up. It’s time for a news flash.”

“Thrill me.” I said lazily, rolling on my face and officially giving up on this whole “sanity” nonsense.

“You can go home.” That grabbed my attention, my face turning to a happier glare as I snapped to my feet.

“REALLY?! FOR REAL AND FOR TRUE?!” I giggled, bouncing in place like a psychopath.

“Of course! But there’s only one catch!” Quickly I frowned, ceasing my insolent bouncing with mouth agape.

“A catch?”

“Just one.”

“A catch? You had me come this far to finishing the challenge just to send me home and finish there?”

“More or less. When you complete the task I have for you at home… THEN I’ll leave you alone.”

“Sounds… sketchy.”

“Oh it IS Isaac! But rest assured, it is ALMOST legal!” He said, throwing an arm round my shoulder and smiling.

“Wait… I think I might just wanna start over.”

“Nope! You agreed bitch! Now get to it!” He ripped a giant tear in the whiteness surrounding us, poking my in the butt with a long stick.

“Come on… go.”

“Uh… this seems a little… sudden.”

“Come on man. I said you could go home with a catch. It’s totally safe.”

“But I know you too well! How in any sort of well meaning mentality can I believe this is going to be good?” He shrugged, giving me another sharp poke in the butt.

“Okay Isaac… the truth is that the other challenge got horribly boring.”

“Boring? I was mutilated by a pink lesbian pony and then dumped in a river. THAT’S boring to you?”

“Well, you ARE talking to the guy who put Muslims and Jews in the same country.”

“WHOA, think we’re hittin some points we really shouldn’t be buddy.”

“Ugh, will you just fucking go already? I can get a cattle prod instead of this stick you know!”

“Yeah no. I’d rather start over than get the mystery pony… it’s not Discord is it?”

“No, but now that I think about it you’ll need these.” He threw a handful of small soap boxes at me, the small rectangle hitting my feet with a tiny thud. Slowly, and with an eye trained on him, I picked up the small boxes and examined them.

“Suppository for… want it need it spell? Why are there 3?”

“Trust me dude, you might need more than that. ALAKAZAM!” He pointed his tiny paws at me like a magician, a small pink ray flying out and hitting me directly in the crotch. Instinctively I curled slightly in anticipation of an impact, but instead a warm sensation crawled through my dick.

“Ah! The hell are you doing?!”

“Working my magic! DO NOT BITCH.”

“I’m not getting cancer am I?!” The beam ceased, a group of hearts popping from the area.

“Okay, you’re set. Fuck em up kid.” He patted my shin, pushing me into the black tear.

“Them?”

“Them.” With a freakishly strong shove he sent me into the void, the blackness enveloping my entire view before I even knew what was going on. I tumbled a bit, before crashing back into my bed. I jolted awake, feeling like I had been hit in the face with a freight train. Looking about, I was very much in my usual environment… if I woke up on Saturday. It was Tuesday when I began the challenge, why the hell I was in bed at 9:30 AM on a Wednesday was a mystery to beheld. Luckily I was in pajama pants, my room was still an unholy mess, my blanket remained pull over me and only me… looked like I was in the clear. Quickly I pulled up the covers and looked about. Yep. I’m alone… THANK THE SWEET LORD ABOVE. Rolling out of the bed I made sure to watch the floor, not wanting to step on a surprise pony… or my Sweetie Belle plushy. Which I gladly picked up and gave a hug.

“Aaaaaaw… it’s good to be home.” I squeed, placing her on the nightstand and strutting out. Yeah I probably had a mare to pork, MAYBE stallion… hopefully not-but at least I was home. Home in my good ol West Virginia! Making my way down the stairs I took a seat at the kitchen table, scooting up my laptop and slowly opening the lid.

“No Twilight Sparkle, no Twilight Sparkle, no Twilight Sparkle.” I opened the lid full ways, being greeted by my usual Applejack background.

“Ha… I totally won that challenge.” I arrogantly stated, leaning back in the chair. Applejack still had my jacket, the usual hook it hung on remaining vacant. Fuck it, I’m enjoying the silence I have for now until my next challenge peeks their head. So throwing caution to the window I brought up my usual writing projects and tapped away, school always kept me busy. But before anything could get done I heard my mom’s bedroom door open, soft footsteps following.

“Mornin Isaac.” Came a familiar squeaky voice, sounding nothing like my Mother.

“The hell?” Turning around I could see Derpy making her way out of her room, her mane all frizzy and wings fluttering softly.

“But… I heard footsteps.”

“Footsteps? But you’re the only one in the house with feet silly.” She smiled, pulling out a chair next to me and hopping into it. That didn’t last long though, she flopped onto her belly. Her head coming down to rest on my lap. Letting out a long content sigh she, looked up to me with one eye, the other looking at my crotch.

“Have breaky yet?”

“Breaky? Wa-… how long have you been here?”

“Oh come on Isaac don’t be silly! Don’t you remember the last year we’ve been living together?”

“Uuuuuh no. Apparently not.”

“Hee hee! You’re stupid Isaac!” She punctuated the word “stupid” with a hoof tap to the face.

“Better start remembering soon, Sweetie Belle and Celestia will be home soon!”

“Hubba waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” I started screaming, my hands going to my head to pull out some of my short hair to make it stop.

“Isaac!”

“OH NO!” I yelled, dropping the hair in my hands and covering my eyes.

“Isaac what in Equestria is wrong with you?!”

“THAT. IS SICK!” She lifted her head out of my lap, letting me bound like a gazelle out of my chair and run up the stairs. Tripping and falling on my face, I skittered into my room and locked the door. Leaning against the door, I lifted up my pants and inspected my goodies. While I’m not exactly fascinated by my penis and need to check if it’s there every second, something about it wasn’t right. It glowed a faint pink, with miniature hearts floating about it.

“Aw shit… the circle hath completed its self.” I groaned, the sound of hooves against the stairs behind the door.

“Isaac? Are you okay?”

“NO.”

“Come on honey, tell me what’s wrong.” I cringed a bit at her use of the word “honey”, my half retard mind conjuring a plan.

“Uuuuuh… just need to sleep in some more! Insomnia and all.”

“But… it’s 9 AM. You HATE sleeping past 9.” God damn it, she knew my weakness. I slapped myself across the face, trying to get my sense back together and think of a way to escape without alerting her. She obviously heard the slap, a slight gasp escaping her.

“Are you um… C-clopping?”

“What?!”

“Oh… sorry Isaac. I’ll… let you be then… I’m still available if you feel like you need some release.”

“I’m quite alright thanks.”

“You sure? Or are you waiting till Celestia and Sweetie get home?” Bad thoughts, REALLY bad thoughts.

“I’m very sure Derpy! Just need some extra sleep!” She sighed, audibly heading back down the stairs after a moment or two.

“You’re pills are on the nightstand honey… love you.” Her hooves met the hard wood of down stairs, letting me know it was safe to let out a breath of relief. Standing up I looked out the window, it was still the same neighborhood I lived before the challenge. Nothing was out of place from what I could see and nothing seemed like it was about to kick my door down to get to me. Safety of course was about to come into question. Celestia was approaching, and being on tumblr too many times I had half a mind of her intentions. Sweetie Belle… I didn’t know. But having the want it need it spell on my junk and then a suppository for it in the same room… it’s only a wonder Derpy didn’t get a good look. Opening the window I peered down from the second story, the ground being SO much farther away then I remembered.

“Fuck… that would break my legs.” I wasn’t exactly dressed for jumping either. Bare feet, TF2 sleep pants and my undies. Thinking as fast as a moron could think, I rushed to my closet. I couldn’t find any clothes, oddly enough. The usual shelves they were stored on now carried nothing but what could only be described as pony clothes.

“You gotta be kidding.” Looking around, all I could find was my military gear I usually used for airsoft, most of it covered in pony merch. Luckily I found my camouflage store, unluckily my green camo was in the wash. All I could find was my urban camo.

“Red… red… more red… god damn it!” It would have to work, otherwise it would be my novelty “fierce" camo. I don’t know why I had purple camo, but shit it was fierce.

“Fuck it.” I threw on my red camo, tying on a pair of boots. Making my way back to the window I looked down again, the bare wall before me seeming to stretch at the sight of the ground. A good ten feet of thin air sat between me and the ground, my fear of heights being the biggest bitch as always.

“You jumped before… you jumped before.” Climbing through the window, I hung off the edge, holding on by just the sill. I took a deep breath and leapt from the window, flying through the air and repressing the urge to scream. Hitting the ground I fell into a roll, tumbling onto my back painfully.

“UUUUUGH. Urban Ninjas have bones of STEAL.” I groaned, not even making it past the decorative bushes in front of the house. ( Mind you that’s a 5 foot clearance ) I landed on something sharp, a stabbing feeling in my back.

“Damn it… never was good at having guts.” I Groaned, barely able to sit up. I tried, but fell back in pain. Something approached me, the sound of two sets of hooves clopping against the cement of the drive way.

“Oh my goodness! Isaac!” Came a squeaky voice, one set of hooves clopping faster. Something rested against my belly, the squeaky voice even louder.

“Isaac! ISAAC! What happened! Celestia! Get Derpy!” Opening my eyes, I met Sweetie Belle’s. Although her usual green irises were replaced with large pink hearts.

“ISAAC! You’re pants are really interesting!” She squeed, burying her face in my crotch.

“NO-AH!” I jolted forward, then falling back in pain.

“DAMN IT… that really smarts!” She stopped only for a second, Celestia standing over me.

“You alright?”

“No… not exactly.” She took one look to Sweetie Belle, her eyes changing to hearts as well.

“HOT DAYUM BOI.” She squealed, bringing her head down next to Sweetie’s.

“GOD DAMN IT!”

Author's Note

That epilogue with the bonus pony is gonna be awhile. I’m taking on a new project and also have a life to get back to. So, get ready for some really sick shit in the next chapter you pervs. Still love you though.