( Warning: This chapter has pretty much NO comedy or talent put into it what so ever and contains icky lesbo pones. And yes it is re-written but the beginning is the same because I'm lazy )

Derpy sat me in her tub on the highest floor in the house, the sunlight streaming in through the drapes on the windows. She kept near me, that being my request. I simply sat in the tub, holding my arms and letting the soapy suds foam up around me as I relax against the smooth white surface of the basin. Derpy gently used a small cup to pour water on my hair, washing it of its abuse. My expression was freakishly blank, contemplating what in the hell I was to do about Pinkamena. Derpy caught my dark view, pressing her snoot to my cheek to get my attention.

“Isaac? What’s the matter? You’ve been staring into the wall the whole time you’ve been in the tubby.”

“I’m afraid Derpy… I’m really afraid.” She let out tense breath near my ear, her own ears flopping down.

“Tell me what it is. I want to help you now.” I shifted about in the tub a bit, trying to think of a way to explain Pinkamena to her.

“You know that Pink pony? That chased us with Lyra?”

“Pinkie Pie, what about her?”

“I… I think…”

“Come on Isaac, I’m sure I can help you here.”

“I think she wants to murder me.”

“What? What in Equestria could make you think that?”

“I’ve heard stories… of a murderous baker who lives in this town. They say she hardly ever strikes… but when she does her victim never sees the light of day again.” I sat forlorn in the water, sinking down until the bubbles came up to my neck. I still held my serious look, Derpy’s expression turning sympathetic.

“Well… I can only say I’ve never heard of a pony going missing around here. Every once and a while I get lost in a cloud and get stuck for a few days… but I’ve never seen Pinkie do anything to hurt any pony.” I shook my head, only sinking deeper into the bubbly abyss.

“No… no you wouldn’t. Derpy she saw me. I saw that look in her eye… she knows what I look like and she knows where we live… it’s only a matter of time now.” She pulled me up from the bubbles, putting her hoof to my shoulder.

“listen Isaac, I don’t really know you all that well, I’m not sure what species you are and you’re third leg is kinda creeping me out. But I PROMISE to you there’s no boogey pony out to get you. I’m also prepared to do anything to put your mind at rest.” She stared intensely into my eyes, her look breaking mine in their incredibly odd way of soul piercing.

“Alright alright I believe you. Just don’t stare at me that intensely again. Puts me on edge.”

“You’ve been through a lot huh?”

“I wouldn’t like to talk about it… I fear you’re too innocent to hear.”

“I’m not a filly Isaac… I know where babies come from… I think.”

“They don’t come out the butt.”

“Really? Wow! You’re really smart Isaac!”

“Yeah… sometimes I wish I could just be a hypersexual prick like everybody else. But you get what you get I guess.”

“Words big.”

“Sorry Derpy, I’m used to talking to myself by now.”

“I have an idea of how to relax if you’re up for it.”

“If you climb in this tub and try to buck me I won’t hesitate to rip your cute little head off.”

“What?! No silly! I was gonna get my record player! You’re funny Isaac!” She giggled and fussed, nuzzling my cheek sweetly. Then she turned and started trotting off, me almost leaping from the tub.

“WAIT WAIT! Please don’t leave me alone… when I don’t know where Pinkamena is.” She gave me a funny look, pausing before she went out the door.

“Isaac, don’t be ridiculous. I’m sure no pony’s gonna get in here before I get back.”

“But… it’s Pinkamena.”

“I won’t be gone anymore than… what comes after a second?”

“2 seconds.”

“No, no, no, after that?”

“3 seconds?”

“No silly! I mean the one AFTER all that!”

“… 1 minute?”

“Yeah! That’s it!”

“Are you like this all the time Derpy?”

“No, sometimes I just stay home and read a book… probably should get more than 1.” She trotted off down the hall, humming happily to herself and wagging her tail.

“Derpy?! I don’t wanna be alone! DERPY!” I leaned out of the tub, my lower half hidden in the tub and by the immense amount of bubbles. Realizing how exposed I was, I quickly sank back into the tub. My eyes went up and around the room, searching for that Pink mane. I shivered and squeaked in response to the slightest sound, the memories of Lyra’s horrible screams still present in my mind. Her giggly, snorting laughter resonated through my mind, driving me to go lower and lower into the water until I could barely take air in through my nose. Derpy’s hooves clopping against the hard wood resonated through the hall way, her light humming soothing my freaked ears. Her clopping came louder and louder before a terrific crash tore the quiet air apart. I heard a yelp, then an ear piercing silence. I froze in the water, the warmth of it turning icy cold against my skin. The sound of something heavy being dragged now picked up, the noise coming closer in intervals. Heavy breathing of something young and female clawing its way down with similar sounding clops. Nothing around me could serve as a weapon, bubbles being my only cover. I ducked under them, coving my face and holding my breath as the noise penetrated the room. Not a word escaped its mouth, the bubbles muffling any sound say for labored breathing. The hoof clopping now came right up next to me, the breathing displacing bubbles over my face. Then, at the one moment I knew I was to die, a pair of arms grabbed my head and yanked me from the bubbles.

“I found you!”

“NOOOOOOO!!!” I thrashed about, grabbing the offending pony in a blind rage and yanking it into the tub.

“Isaac?! What are you doing?!”

“I’LL DROWN YOU PINK HAIRD PYSCOPATH!!!”

“Isaac! It’s me! Derpy!” The body struggled and kicked in the water, my eyes being cleared by a torrent of water. I opened them reluctantly, seeing a wet, disheveled and terrified Derpy Hooves.

“What?”

“It’s me you silly bun!”

“But… the dragging a-and the breathing and the creepy scenario!”

“I dropped my record player and had to drag it! I got really tired from dragging so I panted like a puppy!” She gave me a crazy look, her mane hanging over her good eye.

“But… but.”

“Isaac if you wanna make snugglies in the tub all you have to do is ask you know.”

“NO! I just got spooked and thought you were some pony else… and was attempting to drown you.”

“Isaac… the heck man?”

“I’m sorry! I’m just… really pensive about this kind of stuff.”

“Pensive? Why would you write when you’re scared?”

“Get out of the tub Derpy.”

“Acknowledged.” She crawled out of the basin, quickly grabbing up a record in her teeth.

“I usually play this when the mail list is longer than 3 houses. Maybe it will help you write.”

“Y-yeah… sounds fantastic.” She slid the vinyl disk onto the contraption, putting the needle on and sliding a small lever on the side. The record spun and crackled through the flared tube which broadcasted the sound. The small noise barely eeked out of the machine, filling the room with soft, easy going music.

“The FTL theme?” ( Hint, hint: Play the FTL menu music while you read this. Sets the mood for undesirable poking scenes )

“FTL? What’s that?”

“Uh… nothing. Just kinda recognized the music.”

“Yeah, it’s Vinyl Scratches “sleepy club” mix. It’s my favorite.” She pulled a towel off a ring, sliding it over herself quite oddly. Her wings manipulated the towel to get her back, her fur quickly dry. Her poofy arm threw the towel back on the small ring, pulling another one off.

“Time to get out Isaac, don’t wanna prune do we?”

“But… but I’m stark naked.”

“Oh come on Isaac, I won’t peak.” She said sweetly, the music mixing with her unbelievably cute face. Her wet mane still hung over her eye, her wings shuttering a bit audibly.

“You promise you won’t peak?” I asked, shaking and moving to exit the tub.

“Super promise.” She shook the towel in her mouth, beckoning me to join its warm embrace. I slowly crawled out of the tub, averting my gaze from her daunting stare… derp… thing that she looks around with. I got out of the tub, the immense amount of water and bubbles on me dripping off of me and onto the floor. I stood before her, reaching for the towel. But, as she promised she peaked not and swung her head up and covered her eyes. The towel whipped me upside the head a bit, bringing me to a chuckle. I gripped the towel, her jaw releasing its grip and surrendering the object to me. She giggled and turned about, making her way to the wall.

“I’m gonna let your dry of- OOF!” She knocked her head into the wall, her hoof still covering her eyes.

“You alright over there?”

“Yeah, I had worse head boo boos before!” She said, feeling the wall with closed eyes before finding the door frame. She quickly skirted out, looking back in with closed eyes before leaving.

“I’m making steamed broccoli for dinner. Will that work?”

“I’m a sucker for Broccoli, sounds great.”

“Come down when you’re done, you can help me if you want!” She giggled and fussed like an embarrassed school girl, turning her head to leave. Another bumping sound echoing through the hallway.

“Oh fiddle sticks!” Came a boyish voice, Derpy’s hooves clopping against the hard wood of the floor. I chuckled quietly to myself, the music starting to wind down into almost inaudible beeps. I replaced the needle quickly, going to close the door and lock it. I trust Derpy well enough, but I learn too. The mirror and sink were just to my right, having my underwear laying on it to dry. I gingerly made my way to it, dropping the towel and extracting my underwear for use. But something caught my eye before I could slip them on. My face in the mirror. Before this whole thing I could call myself a noble person, I’m no god damn hypersexual meat head, nor am I a PC gamer nerd who hates everyone, nor am I a console gamer douche bag who hates everyone. I had managed to be the most unlikable person I could be and was proud of it. Now… now I wasn’t anything. I was a dirty, filthy, pony fucker. Below zoophiles. While they don’t hurt anyone (By “anyone” I mean humans) and make themselves happy, I probably ruined many pony’s lives. Lives that I never even knew existed in real life, lives I had no intention of even interfering with, lives- holy fuck- I had no intention on ruining THIS way. So, to all you horse fuckers out there, you guys are alright. At the least you’re better than me. I actually went through with it… I was made two unicorn’s toy, an earth pony’s submissive boy toy, a Pegasus’s fantasy and a piss rag for another Pegasus. Now, I was possibly to become another earth pony’s carcass to rip apart. That face in the mirror, couldn’t be mine. It was only the image of some submissive, overly obedient, bitch toy who didn’t deserve any of this. Blackened bags of stress hung under my eyes, the cut on my face peeking out in agony as a tear rolled down my cheek. I put my hands to the sink, letting my head droop down to look into the empty basin. The swirls of the marbles led my eyes round in useless pursuits, something I had recently gotten akin to. If you haven’t already realized from the wall of text, I get very philosophical when I’m angry.

“Ugh… I think I’ve met my match.”

“Can’t beat me bro.”

“I know god… and if you really want to see me mutilated and possibly eaten by a small, pink pony… I guess it was to be.”

“Chin up, I have the necessary precautions in place.”

“Is that so?”

“Worst case scenario you get stabbed a few times and almost limp away with fatal wounds.”

“Fatal?”

“You’ll get raped two times over before you bleed out.”

“People worship you, that is amazing in its self.”

“Oh Isaac, I’m hurt.”

“Just a question before my inevitable demise.”

“Shoot.”

“Why?”

“I’m bored, and you seemed a perfect candidate. Emotional, not a clopper, hateful, mean spirited, asexual and a brony! Just can’t catch a better fish!”

“Yeah… seems legit.”

“Never knew you to say legit.”

“I guess you could say I’m a little… broken.”

“Well, if it means anything by now, that last one kinda got out of control.”

“Now you tell me.” A soft clacking sound came from behind me, my head quickly snapping to the mirror to scan the area behind me. Nothing seemed out of place, my mind simply putting thoughts in my head of a Pinkie nature. I breathed heavily, turning to confirm the information. Luckily, the only sound was the crackling of the record and the soft music pouring from it. I ran a hand through my hair, chuckling in absolute uncertainty.

“Heh heh… this is gonna be a fun evening I can tell.” I blew a tense breath and got my towel back and rubbing it against my garments, doing the best I could to at the least attempt to dry them. It worked about as well as trying to wrangle Dash back from the window, but it had to do for the moment at hand. So I slipped the damp things on and went for the record player, lifting the heavy thing up into my grasp.

“Sweet buttery Jesus it’s like a thousand suns all bearing down on this one tiny object!” I grunted, heaving the metal box into a more comfortable position and opening the door with a foot, placing it down outside the bathroom to prevent it from rusting or what have you.

“Isaac? I’ve been waiting for twenty minutes! Am I gonna have come up there and get you?”

“Be right there!” I called back, watching the area around me and searching for a pink blob. Seeing nothing but the inside of Derpy’s home I slowly made my way down the stairs. Knowing how Pinkie likes to absolutely shatter the walls of reality and the reason, I took no chances. Every step was carefully thought through before being taken, every breath of air was one of absolute silence and everything single movement was an observant one. As one could imagine, it was forever and a day before I reached the bottom of the steps. Of course because I had been doing nothing but looking in every direction accept front, I bumped directly into a hovering Derpy.

“AH! SOMETHING FUZZY!” I squealed, pushing her back and flopping directly on my ass.

“AH! SCREAMING!” She recoiled sharply from my obnoxious yell, also coming to her butt on the opposite end of me. I had curled up before her, covering my eyes in fear of bouncy horse. All I could hear was an audible pout, Derpy’s hooves clopping against the hard wood of the bottom of the stairs.

“This is really going to be a problem honey.” She huffed, moving my hand away from FOV.

“You’re telling me.”

“Isaac, you know what my mommy told me to do when I was too scared to go outside when there was a bee’s nest outside?”

“Get the bug spray?”

“No. She told me “DERPY, get your butt out there and face your fear”!” She took a powerful pose, a hoof to her chest as she smirked defiantly.

“How’d that work out?”

“I attacked the bees nest and got stinged a lot… huh… now that I think about it that was terrible advice."

“Stung Derpy.”

“Grammar is not the point Isaac! You’re going to have to face your fear if you want to live here.”

“What exactly does that entail?” I ask shakily, backing up a bit.

“I’m taking you down to sugar cube corner for a milkshake.”

“How bout no? I like staying here better. Less chance of getting raped again.”

“Wrapped?”

“Raped.”

“Rapped? Are you gonna bust a rhyme?! That’d be the Shiznit Isaac!” She squeed at the suggestion, bouncing a bit.

“Derpy is it fair to say I’d rather NOT walk into broad day light in my under wear?”

“Why? I’m naked right now, EVERYTHING on display!”

“Well, I really don’t like being naked and putting my goodies out for anypony to oogle at. That work?”

“Isaac. You’re being a scardy pony.”

“No I’m being a rational pony.” She reached out and got a hold of my hand in her mouth anyway, pulling me up to my feet with her wings. She had me stand, then started pulling me towards the door with her hooves.

“Come on Isaac! You can’t just live in my house forever and be afraid of Pinkie. I promise there’s NOTHING to fear about Pinkie!” She insisted, pulling an extremely reluctant me towards the door. I resisted mind you, but when you weaponize cuteness like that mother fucker you’re no match. Besides, I had a challenge to complete to get out of rapey horse land.

“Alright fine! But if something bad happens to me it’s on you.”

“Pfft, like something bad will happen by visiting Pinkie Pie! Worst case we get tummy aches from her party cake!” So we were off, she still had my hand between her hooves as I opened the door. The familiar sun light bitch smacked me across the eyes, partially blinding me for a second.

“Hot damn it’s bright out.”

“It’s like 6:30 honey. It’s not that bright out.”

“Well I’ve been stuck in Twilight’s rape dungeon and you’re bathroom all day so I haven’t exactly gotten a good view of the outside world.”

“Rape dungeon? You mean her living room?”

“WITH a rape table in it!” She rolled her eyes, giggling a little at my tone. Mind you I had never actually streaked before, a little bit running to Derpy’s but other than that my embarrassment level a little bit over boner killing. Not to mention all the ponies staring with their gigantic eyes. Big Mac behind his stand, thankfully alone.

“Eeyup…”

“Mac you aren’t to tell AJ.”

“Eeyup.”

“And I want my jacket back!” After a few more minutes we finally reached the surprisingly foreboding sugar cube corner. The atmosphere was spirit crushing to say the least, I had felt more secure standing on a rusty oil rig in West Virginia. One on the edge of a cliff that overlooked a fireworks and puppy store. Think I’m lying? Well screw you I’m holding Derpy’s hoof while in my underwear. I’ve got mad creds bro.

“Alright Isaac, nothing spooky yet… nothing pinkie either.”

“We’re standing outside Derpy.”

“Then inside we shall go!” She trotted happily towards the door, the sign oddly enough saying the store was still open. With all the courage and possibly a good dose of being a moron I followed after Derpy. The door swung open to her Derpy’s push, a bell ringing quietly above our heads. The inside was oddly vacant, the warmth of the ovens and the sweet scent of the pastries being baked still wafting through the air softly. Pinkie was behind her counter, looking me in the eye with her usual freakish amount of excitement.

“HI! Welcome to sugar cube corner Derpy and weird thing!” She squeaked, smilely and bouncy as always. Luckily her mane had returned to its poofy state, no hint of red on her.

“What can I get you guys?” She asked, looking to Derpy.

“Actually Pinkie. I have an interesting story for you.” Derpy said, approaching the counter. I watched her rather closely, attempting to follow her. But just like everything in the last 3 days of my life, something grabbed me from behind. Something warm and small wrapped around my mouth and chest, yanking me backwards across the shop. I struggled against the warm pulling force, my hands finding nothing but a sea-foam colored glowing aura around me. Before long I was in the closet of the shop, the door shutting to turn the room pitch black. The magic dissipated, only one culprit on my mind before something soft and fuzzy pressed against my nose. A light came on, a very smug Lyra touching her nose to mine with raised eye brows.

“Fuck me…”

“Not right now Isaac. I’m kinda raw. But thanks for the offer.” She giggled, me pushing her off and getting against the door. It was locked from the outside, my hands banging against the wood of it while Lyra sat back against a pile of fur coats and party supplies.

“Bang all ya want Isaac you’re just making yourself tired for the next part.”

“Next part?!”

“Me and the pink one struck a deal… so you might be playing a little game with me and Pinkie.”

“How… how so?” I groaned, pressing my face to the door in utter anguish.

“Hide and seek. Derpy can’t play though.”

“I see that as more of a good thing…”

“Oh don’t be so sad Isaac, somepony’s getting a kick out of this! Plus it’s totally fair. You break out and run off you’re free!”

“Why is that I detect high levels of bullshit in this?”

“I dunno. Maybe you’re an idiot?”

“Joy…” With that she unlocked the door and let me fall out onto my face. Lyra exiting by way of my own body.

“Oh and Isaac, while I’m coming out of the closet, might as well mention something.”

“Please! Humor me before I feel tempted to jump up and snap your adorable huggable neck.” She giggled at my comment, watching me rear up to do as I said.

“You have 30 seconds to hide.” She teleported away, yielding only Pinkie standing behind her. Of course I jumped back sharply, Pinkie only grabbing me.

“HI!”

“AH!”

“I’m Pinkie Pie! I’m gonna rape you!”

“AAAAH!” I shoved her off, making her land on her back as I bolted down the hall. I slid on a turn, listening as her giggling filled the rooms behind me. Firstly I found a window, thankfully in the room that I had turned into. So, like any logical person I went straight to it and attempted to pry it open. Strange enough it DID open for me, the width and height of the opening plenty to let me through. Problem being, Pinkie’s head poked through with a smile.

“Nice try Isaac! But you’re gonna have to think a little bit harder than that to foil Pinkie!”

“DEMON!” I screamed, turning back to go down the other end of the hall. I sprinted as she locked the window, tempted to try another as I passed through the kitchen. Derpy was notably absent, my face looking out the window to see the front yard to see her walking away with something.
“Derpy! Derpy help!” I screamed, not even getting her ears to twitch. On closer inspection, all I could see was Derpy walking away with an obscene amount of muffins pouring out of her newly acquired saddle bags. Along with her some sort of stuffed animal.

“Come on Isaac! Let’s go home and cuddle!” She squeed, trotting off happily with her stuffed human doll clasped to her little pony chest.

“DERPY! DERPY YOU GOD DAMN ADORABLE FOOL!”

“Aaaaaw, it’s said when ponies abandon their friends… why not snuggle with Pinkie?!” Yelled Pinkie as she dropped from the ceiling onto my head, her itty bitty pony arms wrapping about my terrified skull.

“AH! RAPIST PONY!” Her front hooves covered my eyes, blinding my rage filled recoil away from the window.

“Weeeeeeee! Giddy up lover boy!”

“It tickles and yet it burns!” My hands flew up to try and pry the little space invader off my cranium, her legs only tightening while her tail wrapped around my neck. She giggled as my hands clasped around her front legs, prying at her crazy Pinkie strength.

“Lyra! Throw me the crop!”

“Crop?!” I muffled through her fuzzy fluff, something immediately striking my back side sharply.

“OUCH!” I squealed, my hands finding my back as I took off running for no particular reason, maybe hoping I could get away from the stingy ass pain.

“He’s a buckin’ Pinkie!”

“I know! I can barely control this crazy sillybun!” She giggled, pushing back on my face with her hooves to persuade me from running forward. I denied her directional opinion and kept on, hoping to ram her into a wall. My legs carried me quickly forward towards something, Pinkie jiggling a bit on top of me in fear.

“Isaac! Stairs! Fall! Owie!”

“Suck my balls and eat wall bubble butt!” I yelled through her fluff, charging head long towards whatever she was talking about.

“Bail!” Came Pinkie’s voice, her little limbs flinging her off me as my vision came back, revealing a flight of stairs down to the basement.

“OHMYGODNOT THEBASEMENT!” I yelled, crossing WAY over the threshold of the first step and flying out over the platform of pain below. Just before I started plummeting towards the ridged floor of death, Lyra’s magic engulfed me in the warm of magic.

“Isaac wait!”

“Welp… don’t really have… much of a choice here.”

“Before you go idiotically jumping off the top of the stairs put this cup on. Don’t wanna jostled the family jewels just yet am I right?” She chuckled, levitating a plastic thing onto my knickers.

“Alright then Isaac have a fun trip down!”

“Watch out for my broken glass collection!”

“Pinkie says watch out for her broken glass collection!”

“Wait why are you dro-“ Before my sentence could even hit her twitchy Lyra ears she let her magic cease rather abruptly as I resumed my manic plummet to the stairs, my face eating a step and knocking every last bit of stupidity out of me. As well as whatever sense was left after what happened with Dash.

So as one can imagine I fucking ate the step and busted my noggin against the wooden floor. What happened after not I’m not sure. I’m sure some broken glass collection was wrecked but beyond that only PAIN AND ANGER.

But it wasn’t long before I came to, thankfully not in the basement and even better, not on top of a pile of broken glass like somepony implied. However life is a series of compromises, thus I traded a pile of glass for the floor of SugarCube Corner with Pinkie’s nose pressed to mine. Her eyes were literally bulging out at me, her giant smile visible even from my perspective.

“Hi Isaac!”

“Are you going to kill me?”

“Nope. I was just gonna bounce on you for a bit then let you go silly!”

“Kill me.” I gruffed unhappily, looking down to see Lyra duct taping my ankles together.

“Don’t be such a faggot Isaac I’m sure any other stallion anywhere else would be happy to have two mares goin for him.”

“Alright, since it would take 5 fucking centuries to explain EVERYTHHING that flat-out wrong with that sentence, let’s start with just the basics. YOU Lyra, bonked me in the head with a frying pan and then wrote on me, THEN you felt it necessary to dump me in an alley where any pony could just walk by and see me.”

“I told you on the note I was very gentle with you. Not many ponies will play smooth Jazz while they’re raping their bro.”

“I am NOT your bro.”

“WHICH reminds me Pinkie, get the sharpie.” With that Pinkie just now removed her uncomfortably close face from mine, bouncing off into the obscure of the place.

“Alright Lyra let’s make a deal.”

“A deal?”

“Yes a deal… let me go and I promise I’ll get some kind of rubber hand or whatever human body part you like.”

“Rubber hand? Bitch you’re joking me right?”

“Alright maybe not something along that line… let’s put it this way. I will do something really weird and secret for you IF you let me go right now. Iswear!” She put her hoof to her chin, deep in thought as she hummed a little. She thought only for a second, as if her idea was so simple and diabolical only she could come up with it. She looked down at me with her hooded eyes, her hoof touching my chin as she inched closer with her bright little snoot.

“Beg me to not use this thing.” She cooed, levitating a collection of straps and clasps onto my stomach.

“What the hell is that thing?”

“Crap, forgot the good part!” she said, turning about and lifting out a large green dildo from behind her. Two and two made four in my head and shit went down.

“AH! Okay, okay let’s not do something we might regret here!” I yelled, clenching my cheeks at the sight of the freakish length of the thing.

“What? It’s the smallest one that Pinkie had!”

“Still!”

“It’s only a foot long pussy.”

“…I’ll beg.”

“Well then do it.” She said, sitting down on her cheeks and waiting for me with her spooky phallus in her lap.

“…please Lyra don’t put that thing in my butt?”

“Boring.”

“Ugh… Lyra you fantastic mare of epic proportions would you grace me with the honor of NOT putting that creepy horse shlong in caboose?”

“Getting there. Now say I’m pretty.”

“Ugh… Lyra… you… beautiful, cute… somewhat green mare of princess brilliance… don’t get that dildo anywhere near me.”

“Alright. I’m convinced. While you’re begging was at best “sub-par”, I’m willing to not put this thing in your sweet smooth ass.”

“Thank god…”

“But I’m still gonna rape you with Pinkie.”

“YOU… YOU, are out of whack little filly!”

“I know! I’m SO naughty!” She giggled, throwing the dildo across the room as Pinkie bounded into the room.

“Sorry Lyra. We didn’t have any black left. But I got pink!” She giggled, placing the markers on my chest as one lifted into the air with Lyra’s magic doing the lifting.

“Aw come on guys! C-can’t we just have a shake or something and work this out?” I begged, jerking to sit up. My hands were bound at the wrist with the same tape, making me fall back from the lack of support under me. Before much else could happen Lyra’s magic pinned me to my back, preventing any sort of struggle. Pinkie giggled as I fell back, marker in mouth as she brought it to my chest.

“What ya gonna write Pinkie?”

“Som-ing fun-hee!” She giggled, trying to keep the marker steady while she wrote on my chest. My head tilted to watch the display, her mouth writing actually pretty legible as it smeared across my chest.

“S…L…U-Pinkie!” She started giggling profusely, barely putting her “T” down before dropping the marker.

“Hee hee! Isaac stop it I can’t write!” Lyra rolled her eyes with a smile, using her magic to write even more words across my stomach.

“You gotta be quick Pinkie else it smears!” She giggled with Pinkie like two little girls with a new toy, her marker smearing almost an entire paragraph.

“What the hell that does even say?” I questioned, Pinkie’s hoof pressing my head back down. She stretched her neck comically low down to my stomach, reading it.

“I, Lyra and Pinkie do solemnly swear to rape this human while making him out little toy, pet and or bitch. By Equestrian law we take upon us the duty to give him adequate punishment and love throughout his duration as out little slave. Upon the occasion that he disobeys his masters, he will be punished by trauma to his posterior and or his adorably small human love poll. Signed Lyra Heartstrings. Wow Lyra you’re really professional!”

“I know. It’s the unicorn in me. Besides, if the princesses come by and try to arrest us we have the legal stuff right here!”

“You guys are fucking insane…”

“I’m not insane! I’m Pinkie silly!” She giggled, suddenly bringing her tongue out to lick across my face. As if it were some kind of signal to her Lyra moved down my torso to my crotch, her little snout pressing against my covered goodies before she violently ripped off my underwear. The air was already cold against my goodies, making my recoil back into the floor.

“I’m not sure why you wear these things… but they smell good!” She squeed, pressing the cloth to her face and huffing like an addict.

“Ew…”

“That’s not very sanitary Lyra…”

“Oh hush you two.” She huffed, straddling me with her hips as her warm slit hovered over me, slowly sinking down to touch to my shaft. The hot, wet flesh smeared and parted a bit to let my limp shaft hide in it, her tongue lolling out a bit lazily.

“Mmmmh… come on Isaac get it up.”

“Fuck you.”

“Working on it.” She huffed through her pleasure, her hooves resting against my stomach to support her as she started to bounce and gyrate against me. My stomach lurched with the motion, the warmth against me making me want to do nothing but retreat away from it. But the big squishy Pink wall behind me was having none of that. She looked down on me with a strangely warm smile, petting my head.

“Don’t worry, Mamma pinkie’s here to take care of you.” She cooed softly, laying my head on the ground between her legs.

“That’s why I’m worrying…” She giggled a little, her cooch barely an inch from my head. She lifted herself off me and sat herself on my face, shaking her tush a little to sink me in all the way. My air supply was immediately cut off, followed by the most SHAMEFULL erection one can fathom. Fluttershy and Appljack we’re close contenders for it, but it was made so much worse with Pinkie’s flank hole pressed to my nose.

“MMH!” I muffled from behind her cheeks, my face stuck between the plush cheeks of Pinkie’s behind. Lyra gyrated a bit rougher into my crotch, my now stiff member pressed between my belly and her girly bits. Pinkie’s bits were touched to my lips just as much, her scooching about parting and smearing then across my face as she bucked a little towards Lyra.

“Wow… his face is super duper smooth!” She giggled, wagging her tail happily as she rested her hooves on my chest. She squiggled about on me, moving every which way and direction to satisfy her weird pony libido or something.

“Imma kick it up a notch.” Came Lyra’s voice, a hoof touching to my head and bringing it upwards to touch to her drippy thing.

“Ooooooh! It’s all round at the tip!”

“That’s why I love humans!” They both giggled a bit, Lyra letting herself all the way down on my shaft and bouncing at the base from the impact.

“YEEOW! Woah mamma that’s good!” She squealed happily, her hips bouncing and jerking about in sexual excitement. Pinkie giggled at her friend’s motions, her own bits sliding across my mouth as her sweet and salty juices poured out of her and onto my reluctant face. Both of them moaned and carried on, making love noises as they bucked their hips in soft passion against me. Lyra’s pace outmatched Pinkie’s surprisingly, her marehood squeezing and squelching around my member as she shivered in pleasure around it. Her cheeks slapped against my thighs lovingly, her warm flesh and fur warming the rather bitter feeling I was yelling into Pinkie’s squishy bit. Pinkie bounced on my face as well, smashing my head into the floor repeatedly. She scooted further up, her center of gravity lurching forward to bring her flank hole right to my mouth. Trying to spit out her nasty taste wasn’t really within the confines of reasonable, she rutted and slammed it into my mouth excitedly while she and Lyra’s moans ceased, only to be replaced by what sounded lips smacking together in a weird lesbo pony passion on top of me. Of course this carried on for a good few minutes, Pinkie and Lyra’s hips beating my now fragile body into a pulp of shattered dreams and a sore penis. Lyra’s juices were now so plentiful they began to run down my hips in little streams, pooling under me as she squeezed and pulsed around my girth with Pinkie clamped to her face. Pinkie’s marehood scrubbed and bumped right against my chin as her juices poured equally with Lyra’s, trailing down my neck and cheeks as she suffocated me under her bubbly tush.

“I’m not gonna last much longer Pinkie.” Lyra moaned into Pinkies face, her marehood convulsing in orgasmic bliss around me.

“I wanna taste!” Pinkie giggled, shifting her weight and laying across my stomach, her chin on my pelvis as she lapped at me and Lyra’s icky mess, licking and nipple at my exposed shaft.

“Ah! That tickles!” Lyra squeaked, her juices flooding out of her and spurting out a bit, the little drippings quickly consumed by Pinkie as she let her fem juice out into my mouth.

“Ah! Pinkie juice! It’s awful!” I squealed, getting a mouthful of her luv juice. Pinkie panted into my base, nuzzling into Lyra’s thingy as she rolled off me and onto her back next to me. Lyra followed after her, laying her little body flush to Pinkie’s with their faces touching.

“Nice ride Isaac.”

“My mouth… taste like ASS.”

“That’d be a side effect from eating Pinkie’s sweet bottom.” She giggled, snuggling into Pinkie a bit. Every part of my body was sore, my legs from running, my face from the smashing, my goodies from that insanity you just witnessed, in lay man’s terms I was going to go far anytime soon. But that didn’t stop me from rolling onto my belly and scooching across the floor towards the door, my feet being taped together at the oddest angle conceived to prevent my walking.

“Oh look how cute Lyra! He thinks he can get away!” Pinkie giggled, the sound of her getting up coming from behind to make me go faster towards the door.

“Come on Isaac. Don’t you like two fluffy mares making happy time with you.”

“Now that I think about it… NO.” I huffed, reaching the door with my head and straightening my back, bashing my head into the knob in a retard attempt to unlock it. Pinkie hugged against my back, licking my neck and nuzzling me into the door, humming to herself.

“Isaac you’re embarrassing yourself. Just surrender to me and Pinkie and maybe we’ll let you go… IF I can get some hand action up in here.”

“Only “hand action” you’re getting out of me is a middle finger shoved up your ass!”

“Ooooooh! Exotic!” She squeed, her tail wagging as Pinkie pulled me back down to my back, looking down on me.

“No need to worry Isaac! I’m a really good care taker!” She giggled, Lyra nuzzling her a bit on the neck.

“Are you guys… a “thing” now?”

“Maybe. I dunno Isaac Pinkie just has a pretty fine plot.” Lyra narrowed her eyes at Pinkie, raising her eye brows suggestively. Pinkie met her gaze, giving her a smooch on the nose and lifting her tail.

“Wait for me upstairs. I’m just gonna put Isaac somewhere inconspicuous.” Pinkie said quietly, getting a kiss from Lyra as she turned to leave. She wagged her tail back and forth as she walked, flashing her squishy bits as she and Pinkie kept their sultry looks. Pinkies faded almost immediately as she Lyra disappeared up the stairs. She turned back to me with a crazed look in her eyes, her pupils shrinking drastically as her mane fell.

“Aw crap…” I groaned in fear, Pinkie grabbing something quickly from behind the counter. She came back rather twitchy, her hoof somehow grasping a chocolate milkshake.

“You still owe me a milkshake Isaac…” She hissed with a freakish smile, giggling a bit as her ears flopped up and down randomly.

“Uh… I could as Derpy for some bits may- OHMYGODWHATARE YOUDOING?!” I yelled, her hoof bringing the shake right down on my forehead, shattering the glass against my face and stunning me. The trauma was enough to knock the sense out of me for a good while, my body being dragged down somewhere against a painful flight of stairs then being put on something cold and metal. I faded in and out after that, eventually coming to full sense in a dark room, my arms and legs splayed out against a metal surface and stuck fast to where ever they were held by some sort of clamp.

“AH FUCK!” I yelled, panicking in the situation that lay before me. I struggled roughly, pulling at my limbs painfully as my bashed and bucked against the table, wanting to be free of the dire implications. Then, a single click forced a light to come on, revealing Pinkie and Scootaloo at my side.

“Scoots?”

“Hey he knows my name!” She smiled, hopping on the table with a ball gag.

“Funny Isaac, I didn’t know you and Scoots knew each other.” She said quietly, extracting a large serrated bread knife.

“AAAAAH!”

“Miss Pinkamena he’s loud!” Scoots said, covering her ears.

“Gag him, he won’t be too long I’m sure.”

“FUCK YOU! AND YOU!” I screamed, looking to Scoots in particular.

“GET A HOBBY!” She forced the thing into my mouth, tying it rather quickly.

“Alright he’s all set!” She hopped off the table, some rattling of equipment echoing in the dark basement. Pinkamena moved right up to my face, making me look to her.

“Just hush Isaac. Pinkie’s got everything covered.” She cooed softly, lifting the knife into the air above my stomach.

“Fuck…”

Author's Note

Is it better now?! ... no?... fuck. There goes another weeks of work down the drain... aw man...