Today was the day, that day I could take no more of these ponies, the day I could no longer live with the constant crap. I was going to shoot myself. I got the hand gun from my nightstand, loaded one round into it, locked my bed room door and dressed in a fancy looking suit. I was ready to do this stupid, stupid thing.

Then something happened I wasn't quite prepared for.

"Is that him?" Came a young, extremely familiar voice from outside my window, as I he was standing there next to it. Only problem with that being I lived on the 2nd floor of the house.

"Should be, this is the right address." Came another voice, this one much more feminine and familiar. Baffled, I turned about and opened the window, sticking my head out to see another man and Pinkie Pie rebelling down the wall of the house, the man holding a club in one hand.

"Crap! Cover blown Pinkie!"

"Plan B!" She yelled, the man leaping over and bonking me on the noggin before I could pull my head back into the house. He stunned me for the moment, making me stagger about like an idiot for a good second before I collapsed to the floor in a pile of pathetic, both of them climbing in.

"Yep... that's him." Said the man, kneeling next to me and touching my neck.

"And he's still alive... great!" Pinkie made her way over, clad in black ninja apparel. She poked my face a few times, looking me over and frowning.

"Hmmm... give him another bonk. Just to be sure."

"Wai-" I feebly protested, before getting another sharp hit to the face with the club thingy.

"We were able to retrieve him Luna. Unfortunately, we may have bashed his brains out with a stick."

"Just as well, we only need him to beat back the duplicates."

"Don't worry princess, with this one, they're good as gone."

"Very good Sinclair. Just wake him up and brief him on his mission."

"Will do." Two voices faded in and out of my mind, feeling like I had been beaten in the face to the pointed that all I was able to do was lay on the table and listen to others around me. Then, a hand grabbed me by the cheek and moved my head. Making me look into the eyes of my own self, sitting on a chair next to me in a hospital room.

"Hey there champ... how ya doing?"

"Wha... who..."

"Try not to freak out okay? Now listen... you're back in Equestria-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"

"Yeah... thought so. But while I'm at it, it might helpful to mention I'm your clone."

"..." I stared blankly at him, my heart having palpitations from the suggestion of being in rapey horse land again as I examined his features, terrified at what I saw.

"Who... are you?"

"I'm you! Cloned from your DNA!"

"By who?!"

"Twilight Sparkle."

"How did she get my DNA?!"

"While you were sleeping-look, the point is... we need you do to a favor for us."

"Wha... what is it?"

"We need you... to fuck some ponies."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"

Author's Note

I'M BACK!
And by back I mean... a chapter every 2 weeks on another profile... but it WILL be a sequel directly following the events of this thingy right here... so yeah. Friendship is NOT sexy 2 the quest for faggots... yay?