The moon had risen by the time Spike got home from the Carousel Boutique. He wasn’t just feeling tired; he was more exhausted than usual, and with good reason. When he opened the door, though, he saw Lero with Rainbow Dash, reading aloud to her from the comedy book Fluttershy had given him at the hospital. And Spike went over and sat right up against Dash, listening along to Lero while sometimes scratching the head of an animal that nudged his hand or sat in his lap for a pet.

Recently, Lero had taken to wearing a hat. It was always on his head these days. This wasn’t any hat Applejack had made, but an old blue cap Twilight had lent him. It used to be Shining Armor’s before he’d joined the Royal Guard. Anyone who cared to look through the hole in the cap where Shining’s horn had poked out from would see how much hair Lero still had yet to grow before the human felt confident about going hatless once more.

Lero was frequently breaking his own narration of Advanced Lessons in Funniness to make observations on some paragraph he had just read, or ask Dash whether she thought Fluttershy would respond well to a certain comedy exercise, or to pause so they could laugh at some punchline from the book. Through it all, Spike offered his own thoughts and recommendations to what he was hearing… but more than anything else, the young dragon found himself happy that Dash was back.

Having Rainbow Dash here… back in the family again, his older sister again, was great. Reflecting on all his past actions, he realized what an unappreciative brat he’d been… and not just of Rainbow Dash. Before, Twilight Sparkle had been the only one in this household Spike had loved all the way to his core. All the others, he’d treated more or less like glorified roommates… he’d never really taken the time to really bond deeply with them, younger-brother-to-older-sister, and make their relationship special. Not Dash, not Lyra… perhaps he should even give some thought about letting this new version of Rarity more into his heart -- as she was now, not how he wished she was.

Spike snuggled against Rainbow Dash, and she snuggled right back without a second thought (or the smallest sputter of self-consciousness on the ‘uncoolness’ he might’ve expected from Dash’s old self,) and when Lero closed his book, Spike went and helped Dash tend to her animals a little, and he went to see what he could do with Lyra to continue his family bonding efforts, only to find she had turned in early this evening, and to be further stymied when he found Rarity likewise unavailable as the weather service had needed Rarity to work a late shift tonight.

All this effort at ‘sister appreciation,’ it hadn’t exactly come from out of the blue. Everything Spike had been through today had left its effect on him. It would be important to carry this feeling with him tomorrow, with everything he and Applejack were preparing for.

Spike snagged himself a quick snack and went up to his bedroom. He was so weary, and tomorrow would be a such a big day at Carousel Boutique… yet he wanted to reward himself for being such a good, selfless little dragon today. Some comics would be nice. Twilight had given Spike his graphic novels back a few days ago. And with Rainbow Dash returned, he wasn’t ashamed to read them. Tired as he was, even fifteen minutes would be enough. Which would he pick?

Spike looked at his bookshelf. There was Lieutenant Antihero, that might be cool to reread. Power Ponies… hm, nah, not tonight. Maybe The Unbelievable Lynxmare, or The Sisterhood Of Justice wouldn’t be a bad pick. Rainbow Dash had bought him an entire ten volumes of Sisterhood Of Justice graphic novels right after that thing with the glufferflork… might be good to get started on that…

Then another wave of tiredness rolled over the young dragon, and he turned back toward his bed, only for something to catch his eye. A newspaper had been left on his bed, seemingly by accident, beside a bottle of glass cleaner. Today’s newspaper, Spike saw, when he came closer.

The funnies section… Spike thought to himself with a smile. It had been ages since he’d read newspaper comics… why not?

So he flipped to that section, and was quickly reminded why he’d quit reading newspaper comics: none of the funnies could live up to the name. Not the one with all the young foals whose “hip” and “happening” slang-talk was all “written” in “quotation marks.” Not the preachy, badly-drawn ones with paper-thin caricatures of politicians. He remembered Herd-Done-By; four spiteful spouses who did nothing but spit poisonous one-liners about each other, day after day after day... It got disturbing, after a while. Definitely not the one where the characters were all old, miserable smirking curmudgeons dying of cancer. The only genuinely funny one was Walnuts… how sad was that? How long ago had Walnuts’ creator passed away? They should either hire a new cartoonist to carry on the story, or give some newcomer a chance. It was as empty as eating costume jewelry...

--swap--

The word jumped out at Spike from the opposite side of the newspaper page, inside an editorial.

Here’s a question to all my fellow Ponyville ponies: any of you got pictures of our ex-neighbor, Honeydew? In a town like ours, with so many head-turning notables as Twilight Sparkle, Lero the Human, and Spike, the world’s only civilized dragon…

Spike felt a warm flush of pride, and knew he’d be cutting this one out and keeping it…

...Honeydew’s had lots of competition. But still, has anyone GOT them? Because if you do: you’ve got a valuable commodity on your hooves. Several sources, from journalistic to scientific are looking for 'before' photographs of her to corroborate the reported magical alteration of her cutie mark, a feat previously thought impossible to modern science and magic.

The Crown's official statement is that it was the result of a misfire of a highly experimental spell, only able to be cast by Alicorns or the highest level Unicorn magi, similar to age magic. They strongly recommend against any independent research in this area, due to typical risks of such high-level experimentation, such as spell misfires, or catastrophic horn strain. However, the very possibilities such magic being viable has resulted in many interested parties, and they are willing to pay handsomely for photos of Honeydew. Ponies such as...

Spike felt his eyelids grow heavy. He blinked, and tried to find his place on the article, only to find his eyes draw to a line further down.

If there was somepony else you’d swap lives with, who would it be?

* * *

“So, Lero!” Spike was saying, cheerily. “Off to wilderness camp! Are you excited?”

The young human boy Spike had brought to this drop-off point nodded without real enthusiasm. “Yeah. Kinda.”

Lero was a real small boy, not even ten yet, and barely came up to Spike’s waist. He was dressed in a pair of jean shorts, a T-shirt with the Power Ponies on it, brown shoes and a blue hat.

From where he sat on the bench next to Lero, the six-foot-tall dragon stretched out his long, well-developed, muscular arms as pony parents waited with their foals for the camp counselors to declare that it was time for the campers to climb on the wagons and get ready for adventure. “You know, it’s been forever since I’ve gone camping.”

The hat wasn’t something Lero normally wore. It used to belong to Twilight’s brother, Shining Armor, way back when Shining had been Lero’s age. Spike, himself, wore absolutely nothing. He preferred it that way, as did his mares.

One of the fillies glanced at Lero as she strode past him with her family. The little boy cringed instantly, pulling his cap down harder over his head, as though it were a construction worker’s hard hat and there might be falling debris.

“Did you really need to wear this?” Spike huffed, pinching the top of the kid’s hat between two claws.

“What’s the big deal?!” snapped the boy, pushing Spike’s fingers away. “AJ wears hers practically 24/7!”

“If it were just the hat, I wouldn’t say anything. But day-in, day-out, you cover your upper body AND your lower body AND your feet. I mean I get the feet, with how soft they are, but really, now your head, too?” Spike grinned sardonically. “Keep up at this rate, and I’ll tell you what your next birthday present’s gonna be: a swanky new hazmat suit!”

“Ha ha ha.” Lero glowered one of his patented nobody-understands-me-cause-I’m-a-human glowers.

“Seriously though, lose the hat, Lero,” Spike said. “It ain’t winter.”

“I’m BALD.” This was very true, regrettably. It wasn’t just the hair atop his head; Lero didn’t have so much as an eyelash grown back yet. The doctors had needed to remove all his hair. The look didn’t suit him at all.

“Hair’s overrated,” the older dragon insisted, trying again to play it cool. “Look at me! Not a follicle on me, and you don’t hear ME complain.”

“Yeah, but you got those cool spines!” Lero objected.

“Okay, fair enough.” Spike replied. Out of the corner of his eye, Spike could see a mare grin excitedly at the way the sunlight glinted off his spines. It was enough to reignite his eagerness for tomorrow, when he and his mares could…

“And some of us don’t have skin made of awesome shiny scales that can withstand lava and which all the mares seem to go for!” The pipsqueak snapped. “What do I got?!”

Both of them went silent as a number of curious ears flicked in their direction. Lero turned away from Spike. “My body’s hideous,” the boy said in a soft, trembling voice. “I hate it. I look like an ape with the mange. Like a two-legged pig. No one should have to look at it.”

Spike had always suspected this to be the reason why Lero always wore clothes. Back when Lero hadn’t been a part of Herd Spike yet, back when he’d only lived with Spike’s sister, Twilight, as her adopted son... Twilight had once tried teaching Lero to be comfortable about being the buff. Like any proper civilized being. But there’d apparently been some mean bully colt who’d teased the human boy viciously about his body for weeks… and Lero had never gotten over it to this day. But with all the sick, sick, things that twisted mare Honeydew had put Lero through when she’d kidnapped him… she’d probably been spewing taunts like this at him all while she’d been doing it.

The dragon’s blood boiled just thinking of Honeydew… he almost felt mad enough to start a forest fire. If she hadn’t already been captured by the time he’d gotten to her, he was fairly certain she’d have not made it out of that quarry alive, like several of the Sicklefins didn’t. He would’ve given anything to have a unicorn horn for just one minute so he could magic Lero’s hair back on his head, and give the poor kid his dignity back.

“Spike? I don’t really want to go to camp. Isn’t there any way I can stay at home with you guys?”

Spike forced a lighthearted smile, not really bothering to hide the fact that it WAS forced. “Come on, Lero, don’t be that way. You’re going to have lots of fun at this camp. There’ll be games, and hiking, and swimming, and campfires, and... “ He trailed off, seeing Lero’s serious, unimpressed expression. “...stuff.”

“Spike, look, I know what happens during a heat,” said the boy, matter-of-factly.

Spike sighed. He would have to have a talk with his sister. While Twilight acted as a doting and loving mother to her adopted human son, she had a bad habit of treating him too much like an adult. Teaching a child Lero’s age about heat was premature, no matter how clinical or matter-of-fact it was presented. But Twilight probably couldn’t find it in herself to deny Lero learning, now matter how inappropriate. Now Spike had to deal with a small child who thought he was on the same maturity level as himself! The grown dragon tilted his head down, practically daring the kid to get into specifics with so many four-year-olds in close earshot.

“...But I’m okay with that! “ Lero said. “You can just shut me in the basement with my comic books and my games and enough food and drink to get along with… and you and the girls can go and.... have fun with each other upstairs for however long you need. I promise, I won’t mind at all!”

Uncomfortably, Spike turned around, hoping to see his mares come by; they were better at explaining this sort of thing to Lero, and helping him accept it. But they still hadn’t come yet.

“Sorry, but it doesn’t work that way, First, Twilight wouldn’t be there to help you if anything went wrong. She’s got her own heat, so she’ll be out with other herdless girls. Second, me and my girls are either going to be occupied or too tired to help. It’d be irresponsible of us to just leave you down there by yourself without anyone to help, if something goes wrong. It’s not just about our privacy, but your safety.”

“Please! I’m so scared, Spike!” And he truly was. Considering how much the little guy loved to downplay problems with some flippant bit of snark, it was all the more jarring to see the naked fear on Lero’s face.

“I don’t wanna leave here… the Sicklefins could be anywhere! They could follow me to camp and drag me into the woods while I’m asleep in my tent, and what then?”

It was enough to make Spike felt really guilty and have second thoughts. What if camp was a mistake? What if the best thing for Lero would be to go along with what he wanted? Bring him back home, and then check in on him every so often...

“I won’t bother you at all, I won’t act grossed-out by whatever I hear you do. Just, please… let me be with you guys. I won’t feel safe when I’m so far away from all of you. Please, let’s just go back home. Please?”

Spike thought it over a little longer… he was almost tempted. Lero never begged him for anything.

As if in answer, the memory of his mares’ sultry eyes flashed into Spike’s head. That was all the dragon needed to understand what the truly right thing to do was.

“Lero… I know this might be hard for you to understand… But letting you go home and hide is the worst thing for you right now. What Honeydew did to you was terrible, and I understand you being scared, but if you decide to hide from the world because of her… That’s what she wants. It means she steals your whole life from you. Making you so scared of the bad things she and other ponies can do that you never go out and live your life and meet good ponies and let good things happen to you. I promise you’ll be fine,” he said with his most calming smile. “Remember what Celestia said? You’ll be under protection, and you won’t even know who’s doing the protecting!”

Lero looked around at all the other foals. Four was the minimum age that Camp Mountain Peaks accepted for their campers.

“You think that some of the other kids are secretly grown-up ninja ponies in disguise or something?” the human asked.

“Maybe! Wouldn’t put it past Celestia!”

From disbelieving, Lero’s face shifted into a look of forlorn sadness. The face of an unwanted child, being booted out of the house on any flimsy excuse.

“Look, Lero,” said Spike, “This Swap… it’s really thrown a spanner in the works, hasn’t it? Things got really thorny between us for a while.”

Lero nodded.

“I won’t lie to you: you really got on my nerves at some points. Sometimes you can be a really selfish, snide, unhelpful, opportunistic little stinker.”

“Gee… way to not sugarcoat it for me.” Lero muttered.

“But I also came to see how much heart you have. How much strength. I’ve really come to admire that about you. You’re a good little guy who’s just trying to help set things right. You’re my brother. I wouldn’t have bothered to help save you from the Sicklefins if I didn’t want you around.”

It was good to see his kid brother grin again. “Yeah... you ran in and beat up half of that whole gang… I won’t be forgetting THAT anytime soon!”

Nor would Spike. It’d been a while since he’d gone all-out on a group of enemies like that… but when his brother’s life was on the line, there was no way Spike would ever just stand where the cops wanted him to stand: away from danger.

“And, Lero, I do want to be a better brother to you. I want to start right now, but… you’ll understand this more when you’re my age, kid… but when it comes to girls, you got to do things on THEIR TIME. And there ain’t anything more ‘their time’ than a heat, except giving birth.”

Spike bent down a bit, letting his own plaintiveness show on his face. “Please, Lero… I need to do this. I’m so close to having Rarity… the other half of her… fall in love with us. Having her part of our herd again, the way it’s supposed to be. I know you don’t mean any harm, but trust me when I say you’d just get in our way. Please say you understand. Okay?"

Lero nodded. “I think… if it were me and Rainbow Dash instead of you and Rarity or AJ… I probably wouldn’t do a thing differently from what you’re doing, Spike.”

The boy trailed off, tapping his index fingers together anxiously a few times, before finally taking in another breath.

“Dash is just awesome. I loved her when she had her old mark. Her bravery, how fast she flew through the sky, I loved hearing her stories… she was like a comic book hero come to life! I was always really rooting for her to actually make the Wonderbolts, right alongside Scootaloo… back when Scoots remembered things right. Even now, with her new mark, I’m always happy to go to her cottage and help her, the way you’ve been helping Rarity, Spike…”

Lero fell silent once again, and who could blame him? It had been emotionally wrenching for the kid to see Rarity take on so many of Rainbow’s personality traits after her Swap, and then watch Spike win her heart. Lero had been so upset. It had almost been like Spike had stolen Rainbow Dash, herself, away from him. No boy should ever have to go through such a thing, But what choice did he have?

“...Dash really appreciates me being there for her. And going to her place has really helped to toughen me up. We’re getting a lot better about putting our heads together and coming up with strategies to undermine Angel Bunny. Someday, we’ll get the best of that nasty rabbit for good, you’ll see!”

“Sure you don’t need any help?” Spike offered, not for the first time.

“No. I’m going to help her like you did with Mama AJ! Like you’re helping Rarity now! I’ll do it all by myself!” Lero insisted, a bit defensively.

“Alright, Lero, but you know where to come to when you need help, right?”

“...Yeah, I know.”

Spike put a comforting arm around Lero, careful not to let his claws cut the kid’s skin. “Look, little brother… You’re young, and life is complex. I’m sure as you get older and girls start being a real concern, you’ll be able to sort it out. and I’ll be there to help you. And one thing you can be sure of: Twilight will love you, no matter what. Take it from the other guy she took into her family when he didn’t have anyone.”

There was a long pause, and Lero smiled up at him. “Thanks, Spike.” And the dragon suddenly found himself with the human child’s arms wrapped around his back.

The kid was all heart. Smiling down at him, Spike was all too happy to wrap his own arms around Lero and hug him right back, feeling that small little face press against his chest. “I promise you, Lero, once things have cooled down… we can start being proper brothers again, okay?”

Lero squeezed Spike a little tighter. “You’re the coolest dragon ever, Spike! There’s no way I could’ve asked for a better big brother than you!”

Spike leaned to nuzzle Lero’s head through his hat. “And you’re the best brother I could ask for. Big or little...”

Then Spike caught movement out of corner of his eye, and glanced straight upward. There they stood, on Rarity’s cloud platform; the mares of his herd.

“Hey, there’s my two favorite boys!” Twilight was the first to disembark once Rarity’s cloud was close enough to ground. His adoptive sister nuzzled him affectionately, which Spike returned. He still shared a home with Twilight despite his expanding herd. After all, Spike was still the number one assistant to the Element of Magic; separate homes would have made that difficult. Not that his mares minded. Twilight was a best friend of theirs and a fellow Element Bearer.

The other two mares sidled up to Spike, one to either side, snuggling up to him. “And how fares mah shining knight?” AJ asked, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Are you ready for tonight, Hot Stuff?” Rarity whispered.

Spike gave a small smirk, and flirty puff of flame. “Absolutely.”

"And there you are, Lero, my little miracle." Twilight had given Lero that affectionate name in regards to his nature; a child from beyond their world. His arrival here truly was miraculous.

“Hi, Twilight,” Lero greeted her. Balancing carefully on three legs, she wrapped an arm around Lero, hugging and nuzzling him as Lero reciprocated with equal affection.

Briefly, Spike tried imagining if he and Twilight had been ten years apart instead of just one year, whether she’d have doted on him like that. Somehow, he didn’t think so. Even if he were even smaller and cuter than Lero was, he’d probably always be her number one assistant to her.

Twilight pulled back from Lero, levitating a small sack into his hands. "I packed you some tasty, healthy snacks for the trip there, and wildlife and wilderness guides for you to read. Remember, leaves of three...”

“Let them be. Thanks, mom.” Lero responded.

“Right!” Twilight favored him with another nuzzle. “Stay safe, okay? Don’t wander off alone, and don’t hesitate to run to the camp counselors if you see or hear anything out of the ordinary, okay?”

Lero nodded. “Don’t worry, mom, I’ll be fine. Are you going to be okay this next week? “

Twilight nodded. “Oh yes! I’ll be with Cheerilee and Nurse Redheart this time around. We’ve got quite the itinerary planned!” She looked on the verge of expounding when she was nudge gently by Applejack’s flank.

“Ah’m sure that’s all the details lil’ Lero wants ta know. “ AJ said pointedly.

“Right, of course.” Twilight ducked her head, embarrassed.

AJ had come dressed in a sporty outdoors outfit, a loose cotton blouse and khaki shorts, all subtly colored and cut in a very complementary fashion, with subtle stitch-work adding small artistic flairs. It even worked with her ever-present stetson. More than a few heads were turning in her direction. The work that Spike had put in to help her find equilibrium was clear, as this entire incredible-looking outfit had been made with her own hooves.

Smiling at Lero, Applejack pulled out a package from her (matching, naturally) saddlebags, and handed the package over to Lero.

“Heah you are, mah sweet li’l dandy, all the extra campin’ clothes ya could want. Swim trunks, shorts, thick socks, those hikin’ boots you wanted -- and ya might wanna check out the new hat!”

Lero shuffled through the package, pulling out a reasonable facsimile of a ball cap with the words ‘Team Spike’ embroidered on it… the hat was in Spike’s own colors; purple and green. Spike was deeply moved by the grin Lero wore when he pulled off Shining Armor’s cap for the one with his name on it. He was moved further when he met eyes with Applejack and she mouthed the words, ‘Ah love yew.’

He patted her Diamond Mark lovingly.

Thanks, Mama AJ!” An orange arm wrapped around Lero close as he squeezed her tight. “You didn’t have to do all this!”

“Ah know, but Ah’d do it all again in a heartbeat, Lero. Yer family. An’ how many stallions or foals like clothes the way yew do? Yer a joy fer yer Mama Applejack.”

Rarity let out of huff. “No one told me we were supposed to bring gifts! You two are making me look bad.” Rarity strode over to Lero, ruffling his hair with a hoof. “Hey, there, little dear, I’ve noticed you’ve not shown up to watch me with Scootaloo in a while. She’s starting to get worried she’s lost her sidekick!”

“I…” Lero stammered a bit. “I’m sorry… I’ve been busy helping Rainbow Dash!”

“Oh! That poor dear, she’s been having so much trouble lately! And I’ve been so busy with my weather and Spike, I’ve hardly had a moment to visit her.”

She paused thoughtfully, with what all the adults recognized to be her matchmaker’s smile. “Say, perhaps after you’re back from camp, maybe I can come over to help? Maybe even bring along Scootaloo?”

Lero’s face brightened. “That’d be great!”

Spike gave Lero an amused look that said ‘all by yourself, huh?’

To which Lero shot him a glare that clearly read ‘Shut up.’ Spike just smirked and shrugged.

Rarity paused awkwardly, missing the exchange as she glanced around, as if looking for what to say. “Oh!” She said, suddenly, as she noted a cloud overhead, looking down to Lero. “I know I didn’t bring a present you could hold in your hands, but I have something even better!”

Lero perked up at that. “Really? What?”

“I have a lot of pull in the weather service; I could pull a few strings, and make sure you have perfect weather for your whole camping trip!” She glanced at Spike; he immediately recognized she’d need to send dozens of letters to pull this off, pronto. And there was no faster way than dragonfire. He grinned at her and gave her a confirming nod. Nothing but the best for his girl!

“Really? You’d do that for me?” Lero was truly stunned.

“Nothing’s too good for my little dear.” To Rarity's surprise, she found herself enveloped in the human's arms in a tight hug. She smiled down at him and returned it. "It's the least I can do..."

“Rarity?” Lero responded. “I’m glad that Spike’s… become so special to you. It… it means you’re family, and I’m glad you’re a part of my family now.”

Rarity, struck speechless by this, just hugged him tighter. After a few moments, she releases him, wiping away what clearly aren’t tears, and finally says, “Thank you, Lero, that’s… one of the sweetest things anyone’s said to me.”

“Uh, Mama AJ? Where’s Sweetie? I’m kinda surprised you didn’t bring her along with.” Lero asked, wearing that expression that was unique to young boys who were hoping that they might see someone they were close to, but at the same time dreading it because it was (functionally) their annoying sister.

"Oh, ah, mah folks are outsida Ponyville so often these days that Ma's, uh, not on the same ''schedule" as the other mares here anymore. So Ma ‘n’ Pa thought now’d be a perfect time to take Sweetie on a trip with them."

Spike smiled at the thought of little Sweetie Belle. Back when he and Rarity had finally connected as ‘stallion’ and mare, Sweetie had pretty much been part of the package deal, more of a stepdaughter of his than anything else… considering how devoted Pearl and Magnum were to their vacations. Then they’d welcomed Twilight and Lero into their home. Sweetie had been ecstatic at having someone she could be ‘big sister’ to, (so much so, Lero had needed two months to stop calling her ‘evil stepsister’ behind her back.)

“I-It’ll be good for Sweetie to go with Grandma Pearl and Grandpa Magnum,” said Lero. “They’re her birth parents and they love each other, so it’s good they have a chance to touch base like this.”

"Well, don't be too worried." Rarity replied. "I'm sure you won't be too lonely."

Lero frowned. "What do you mean?" Nearly immediately he was answered by rapid hoofbeats and a two voices chorusing a greeting.

"LERO!" Lero managed to swivel his head to spot the incoming fillies before he was tackled into a hug by Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, managing an 'oof' as the air was driven from his lungs.

"Don't be afraid! We're here now!" Apple Bloom announced.

"Yeah! We'll protect you from the bad guys!" Scootaloo added.

"An' we'll follow you everywhere, an' do all the same stuff ya do, and never let ya out of our sight!" Apple Bloom continued.

"Yup! That way you don't have to worry about anything this entire trip!" concluded Scootaloo.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER BODYGUARDS YAAAAAY!!!!!" They finished in a chorus.

Spike spotted a glance pass between Rarity and Pinkie Pie who stood in the distance, apparently having escorted the fillies here. He nodded in acknowledgement to her, and she tiredly returned the gesture. He glanced back over at Rarity quizzically, to which she just gave him an enigmatic smile. He turned back to Lero, sandwiched between the two hugging fillies, his expression is the most conflicted one he’d ever seen. Relief, gratitude, annoyance, disgust, and probably quite a few other emotions fought for space on his face, because he finally let out a wheezy “...Thanks?”

There was a shrill whistle as camp counselors drew attention to the arrival to the wagon to camp. “Alright, Campers! All aboard!” Called the camp counselor in the “Camp Mountain Peaks” Cap.

“All right!”

“Let’s go!”

The two Crusaders start to drag off Lero, only to be halted by a purple force field. “One moment, girls.” Twilight walked over to the trio. “You two watch out for him, okay?” She said, in a half-serious, half-joking tone.

“Yes, Ma’am!”

“All over it!”

Leaning down, she pressed her muzzle against Lero’s forehead. “Take care of yourself, okay, Lero? I love you.”

He nuzzles back, giving her a quick peck. “Love you, too, Mom.”

The two Crusaders went awwww at that, to which Lero gave them death glares, before finding himself spirited up on the wagons. The adults wave as it departs with the children, until it rounds a bend and vanishes from sight.

“Well… Best not to keep them waiting. See you around, guys.” Twilight said, giving a sisterly nuzzle to Rarity, AJ and Spike, before teleporting away. The three started heading back to the cloud platform, Spike feeling the tingle of the Cloud Walkeing spell envelop him as Rarity cast it. He glanced at her.

“I get the feeling that you had something to do with Lero’s predicament over there.” He said, stroking her back

Rarity gave airs of innocence. “What, little old me? Perhaps certain fillies just overheard certain conversations held coincidentally in their presence.”

“You did!” He said, clambering up on the cloud platform, and helping his mares up on it.

“Well, someone has to look out for his future. Besides, they look adorable together!”

AJ let out a hearty laugh. “Yer matchmakin’!?”

“Well, the Crusaders adore him already, and his crush on Dash, while adorable- and the poor dear needs all the help she can right now- he needs to start looking at mares his age, as I judge he’s getting close to when it’ll start to matter.”

Spike put his arms around his mares. “That’s awful sweet of you, Rarity- but I think for the moment we should start thinking about our own matchmaking- maybe right about now?” The two mares giggle, leaning in for a kiss,..

* * *

RRRIIIIIIIIIIIINNNGGGGG!!!!

Spike muttered curses as he shut the alarm clock for waking him just as the dream was about to get good. But Twilight Sparkle had not raised him to be a late sleeper, after all. Before Lero had entered their lives, most of his days would start with Twilight’s voice telling him to get up, or nudging his face with her nose. Still, it was an hour earlier than he was used to rising.

But that was fine. Today was going to be a big day after all, for him and for Applejack. An important pony would be coming over.

* * *

To cheer herself up, Sweetie Belle tried to think of worse places she could be standing in front of.

School? Well… on one hoof, it was the place where she was forced to be classmates with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, and homework could sometimes be a drag. But Sweetie’s fellow Crusaders also went there, and many other cool foals her age too, and she’d never been the sort of filly who hated learning, especially with such a nice teacher as Cheerilee.

The Everfree Forest? Well, she’d had a few scary experiences there, once or twice, but nothing so bad that it’d stop her from going back to those woods if Apple Bloom thought up a way it might get them their cutie marks. There was always something new and exciting adventure in the Everfree! The thrills were what made it so great to go back to. Plus, that was where Zecora lived and she was really nice.

The dentist’s? The drilling wasn’t pleasant at all, and Sweetie hated being told she had cavities, but at least she only had to go see her dentist twice a year. And besides, Colgate was nice, if a bit... overenthusiastic.

Tartarus?

...Okay, she had a winner. Sweetie Belle could definitely say that returning to the Carousel Boutique would be better than Tartarus. But as her mother knocked on the boutique’s door, Sweetie found herself having second thoughts about even that. She only knew of Tartarus by reputation, after all. Maybe it wasn’t as bad in reality as most ponies made it out to be. And maybe, just maybe, Applejack would NOT be inside her stupid boutique… please, Celestia, let Applejack not be here…

Spike the dragon was the one who opened the door. “Pearl! Magnum!”

He and Sweetie’s parents greeted each other like family; her mom hugging the dragon at once in one of her most affectionate squeezes.

“Spike,” Mom was saying, “it’s so good to see ya!”

“It’s really great to see you too, Pearl!” Spike told her, hugging her back tenderly, like they were nephew and aunt. “Though it’s not like we haven’t seen each other in a while.”

This was true. It was only last night, in fact, that Spike and Applejack had stopped by to help move Sweetie’s things out of her bedroom and pack Mom and Dad’s luggage for them, all while assuring them both, once again, that Sweetie would be okay at the Boutique this time.

“Well, it’s GONNA be awhile ‘til we see each other again, Spike-o!” Sweetie’s dad laughed, noogie-ing the dragon as though that was a ruffly mane on top of the dragon’s head instead of that… whatever-you-called-it. “So we might as well get our goodbyes out of the way.”

“Well, I’m happy for you and Pearl!” Spike told him. “You two have earned yourselves a little R-and-R...”

Sweetie Belle had to bite her tongue upon hearing Spike say ‘earned.’

“... just be sure to take lots of pictures when you’re down in Domineighca!”

“Actually, it’s Mareuba we’re headin’ ta, Spike-o,” said Magnum. “Domineighca’s three months from now. But, yeah, we’ll be takin’ all sorts o’ pictures! The sunsets and waterfalls down there are said to be like no other!”

Another vacation. Another vacation. Mom and Dad were treating themselves to another trip, another tropical tourist trap for two… and leave your daughters at home! Applejack had once said that when she’d been Sweetie’s own age, Dad and Mom had really struggled trying to run a sporting goods store, and they’d been been really parental parents with AJ. It had always been hard for Sweetie to imagine that last bit.

“And it’s good to see you too, Sweetie Belle!” said Spike, noticing her last of all, like the receptionist at some pet hotel finally smiling down at the puppy. Sweetie stiffened coldly, when the scaly little brown-noser came up and hugged her around the shoulders. “We’re very glad to have you back over.”

She and Spike were the same age! Where’d he get off treating her like some kinda dopey little kid? Just because he cleaned way more messes than he made! Just because he once saved the Crystal Empire from an evil king! Just because he could watch over all of Rainbow Dash’s animals and sort all the books in Twilight Sparkle’s library, and had filed all of AJ’s taxes for her last week!

And SPEAKING of which… here came the great clotheshorse, herself, right behind Spike!

“H--hh---howdy,” Applejack grinned, but her ears were pulled back. Her hoof-steps were practically as soft as Spike’s scaly little feet. Even her tail was tucked like a dog’s. “Everythang okay?”

“Perfectly fine,” Mom said. “Couldn’t be peachier.”

“How ya been, Jackie?” Dad asked. “Holding up good?”

“Yup!” said AJ. “Every day’s better’n the day before.”

Sweetie supposed she ought to say something, if she didn’t want to be scolded for being ‘rude and ungrateful,’ but boy, was it tough fighting her anger down.

“Hi, AJ.”

“It’s real, real, wonderful havin’ ya back at the boo-teek, Sweetie.” AJ actually took that dopey cowgirl hat off her head and held it tenderly over her heart while she said this. “Really wonderful.”

“I’ll bet,” Sweetie said.

AJ looked back up at their parents. “Ya’ll wanna step inside and have yerselves some cookies and a cuppa joe ‘fore ya head out? Ah’ve got Bitalian Roast, fresh as can be, ‘n’ them lemon-vanilla wafers things ya love so much, Ma.”

“Sweet of you to offer, but no thanks, AJ. I’m on this new diet, and I don’t want to be tempted with cookies,” said Mom.

“Besides, it’s not too long before the cruise ship sets out,” said Dad. “No sense running late. So...”

First Dad, then Mom bent and kissed Sweetie Belle on the nose. Then they each turned and gave hugs and kisses to AJ as well.

“You girls be good to each other, you hear?” said Dad.

“Ma… Pa… Ah love ya both so very, very much,” AJ whispered.

It was so weird… nowadays, whenever the moment called for Applejack to trade hugs with Mom and Dad, it was never just a social courtesy, anymore. Applejack embraced each of them with all her heart, as though they were war heroes brought back from the dead. The first few times, it had surprised them both; but these days, they just happily took it in stride.

“Awww… Jackie, you lil’ cuddle bug,” crooned Dad. Then he turned to Spike. “Keep up the good work, Spike-o!”

Sweetie watched her Mom and Dad climb back into their carriage and take off for the docks, wishing she could go back in a time machine and let all her grandparents know they were making a mistake, naming these two work-dodging workaphobes as the beneficiaries in their will.

“So, um… would you like to come inside?” asked Spike. “They’re really good cookies.”

No, she didn’t. She didn’t want to be in this place. And she frankly wasn’t feeling too keen about Spike, himself, the guy was responsible for talking her parents into giving Applejack another chance. If not for him, they’d have cancelled this vacation of theirs altogether!

“Got any ice cream to go with those cookies?” she sighed, still looking at the tracks her parents’ carriage had left.

“Oh yes!” piped Spike. “Five flavors, in fact: amaretto, dulce de leche, mojito sorbet, cherry cosmopolitan, and brownie batter.”

“Brownie batter?” repeated Sweetie.

When Spike said ‘yes,’ a tiny speck of Sweetie’s resentment died. Brownie batter ice cream was one of her all-time favorites.

“Let’s go,” she said, turning into the boutique with Spike.

First was the showroom, the all-important showroom. Spotless as ever. Every ponyquin just-so. The dresses on the ponyquins….

...they weren’t weird. No terrycloth raincoats. No army camouflage-patterned gymslips. Not so much as a single pink-and-silver duffle coat. The selection still wasn’t pretty, but it was a regular, everyday kind of not-pretty. Fashion designed by somepony who was at least attempting to eventually fit into the fashion world.

“What do you think?” asked Spike, seeing her taking in the sights. A little further ahead, AJ had also paused, looking behind her shoulder to see what her little sister would say.

“I swear I passed out those flyers to everypony at my school!” Sweetie Belle yelled.

“EVERYPONY?!” sneered her sister. “Well, it’s jest as well ya ain’t getting yer cutie mark in mail service, cuz Ah ain’t seen NOPONY come by! Now here’s a fresh stack, Ah expect yew ta put one o’ these in every mailbox in Ponyville. Don’t even bother coming back ‘til yew do!”

“It’s nicer,” Sweetie admitted, doing her best not to shiver at her memory. “Are you getting any more business these days?”

“Let’s go into the kitchen!” Spike evaded, as Applejack turned back forward, so Sweetie could only see the back of her head.

Sunlight brightened the clean hallways. There had been so much dust the last time Sweetie had walked down them. Back then, Applejack had kept all the windows shut and the drapes firmly drawn, so nopony could see inside. The door to the bathroom was partially opened…

“AJ, I… I was crusading with Scootaloo and Apple Bloom, and I fell from a tree… please help me… where are all the bandages? Where’s all the gauze?!”

“Ah wove them all together ta make a hat! Jest wait right there, and Ah’ll show it to ya…” Then Applejack left the bathroom, only to step back into give her sister a second look. “Yew really oughta have a doctor look at all those cuts, Sweetie Belle…”

The kitchen was a picture of hominess. No dishes in the sink. No garbage in the garbage cans. Opal was curled up on her cushion, batting a toy mouse around. Everything scrubbed clean. Sweetie Belle actually felt choked up inside: for the first time, she was overtaken by the sense that she really had come home, rather than the hostile, unwelcoming place the boutique had become by the time she'd left.

The table had been set up in preparation not just for Sweetie, herself, but her parents as well. A fresh, teapot and coffeepot sat steaming out on a silver tray, along with the extra tea bags and the sugar bowl and such. Applejack hadn’t overdone it by setting out the really fine china; but it was still one of her nicest cup sets. It was almost enough to make Sweetie regret that she prefered juice and soda pop.

And of course, there were the cookies! As promised, there were the lemon-vanilla wafer ones that their Mom loved best, (Mom could eat through a whole packet of them within two days, tops... you had to be quick to get any!) But there were also other types: little shortbread ones, square sandwich ones and jam-filled ones, even little gingerbread ponies, too!

Apart from the wafer ones, none of these yummy-looking cookies were the types sold in stores. Not Sugar Cube Corner, nor any of the boxed brands they sold out on the marketplace. And she knew AJ’s cooking well enough to say they hadn’t been made by AJ, either. So where…?

“Go ahead, please have one!” said Spike. When Sweetie sat at the table,the dragon took the chair next to her, watching as she helped herself to one of the jam-filled ones, topped with a small little slice of cherry. The fact that it wasn’t stale made it taste so much better. Then Sweetie realized something.

“You made these, didn’t you, Spike?”

With a proud little chuckle, Spike finally bit down on one of his own cookies. “You pick up a few things when you work for Twilight like I do!”

Sweetie glanced over at Applejack, who was standing off to the side, watching them both with that anxious, silent smile. It almost felt as though AJ were hoping that Spike could charm Sweetie into liking the Carousel Boutique and herself again all on his own.

“Uh… did ya want that ice cream ta go with them cookies, SB?”

Sweetie could see into Applejack’s fridge when AJ opened it up. She saw oranges, lettuce, a carton of milk, pears, peaches, bread… it was fully stocked…

“Why isn’t there any food in this place, AJ?!” Sweetie exclaimed. The fridge was barren. BARREN. Even that one old red-green stain on the second shelf seemed to have been licked off.

“Money’s tight, ya pampered lil’ princess! Learn to tighten the belt!” growled Applejack, feeding another piece of gold lamé into that sewing machine of hers.

Sweetie Belle ate the ice cream Applejack served her quietly. Not even bad memories could make brownie batter not delicious. AJ, herself, scooped herself some of that cherry cosmopolitan stuff. And when they’d all eaten their fill, Sweetie left her chair and said, “I’m just gonna head up to my room, I think.”

“Don’t ya’ll have ta be heading to school at some point?” asked AJ, as she and Spike followed Sweetie up the stairs.

“Today’s Saturday,” Sweetie replied.

“It is?” Applejack said. “Oh, well, heh heh… didn’t know. The days tend ta blur inta one another after a while…”

Sweetie peeked into her room. Spike and Applejack had done a great job moving everything back in. Some of the furniture had been rearranged, so it wasn’t exactly as it had been the last time she’d been here; but everything was still there. All the stuffed animals on her bed, her special desk with all its arts and crafts supplies, the wardrobe with all the dresses her sister had made for her…

“No!” Sweetie howled. “Applejack! Stop! Please let go of me! I don’t WANNA wear a prairie skirt with that many octopuses on it! You CAN’T MAKE ME!”

“Oh, yer gonna WEAR it, alright!” AJ vowed, with that awful twitch near her eyes again. “This here skirt’s the wave of the future! Ya’ll WEAR it, and yer little school friends’ll git JEALOUS, and ya’ll tell ‘em it’s me that makes ‘em… and then Ah’ll FINALLY be bringing some dough in!”

“Octopuses aren’t even green!”

When Sweetie Belle turned away from her room to look at Applejack, she saw her older sister looking fidgety. AJ’s eyes kept darting impatiently, hungrily, to her own bedroom. To the sewing machine that sat by her bed, its needle still lodged in some half-finished frock. Nothing had changed. Nothing had really changed.

“Well, I think I’ll just… settle back into the old place on my own,” Sweetie Belle said, deciding on a polite smile. “I’ve... taken up enough of your time.”

“H-huh?” Applejack tried to shake herself out of it, almost turning away from her sewing machine. “Naw, c’mon, Sweetie Belle, Ah’ve set aside so much time ta be with yew…”

“No, no, You’re a busy, working girl, AJ, and you’ve got a lot to sew. Told me so yourself many times.” Sweetie replied sweetly. “I wouldn’t want to be a distraction to you.”

And she ducked behind her bedroom door and shut it. Applejack didn’t try to follow her in. She trotted over to her bed and sank upon it. Not crying, and certainly not falling asleep, but just feeling miserable about herself all over again.

This was all Spike’s fault. Later on, she’d have to find time to go and corner Spike and finally ask him: what it the name of Celestia’s golden sun did he see in Applejack? Really, what did he see? Yeah, AJ was a pretty mare, but Sweetie, herself, was no swamp toad! And it was just weird and creepy that he’d be fawning over a mare old enough to be his mom since the day he first set eyes on her!

Not that Sweetie had any interest whatsoever in making the dragon her coltfriend. No, sir, none at all! One fine day, Applejack would work up the nerve to stop ‘sparing his feelings,’ and let Spike know that it just would never work out between them. Maybe THEN he’d start looking at Sweetie with the same goo-goo eyes he looked at AJ with. But if he ever asked, Sweetie Belle intended to flat-out tell Spike to find some other filly; she wasn’t anypony’s consolation prize. Especially not one of her big sister’s cast-offs!

Applejack! She was such a… such a…!

Not for the first time, Sweetie Belle thought back to that one Sisterhooves Social. For one all-too-short afternoon, she’d had a good older sister, one worth being related to! She should’ve been born an Apple. A farmer’s life wouldn’t’ve been bad at all! No pony in her right mind would want Applejack as part of her family. It was a shame Sweetie couldn’t swap AJ out for Pinkie Pie. Pinkie would never, ever…

"...Called me a screwup, said Ah was worse’n ten gadflies, and that the only thang Ah was good fer was runnin’ ‘round town with yew and Scootaloo, bein’ giant nuisances ta everypony, and findin’ fifty new ways ta NOT find mah cutie marks each ‘n’ every day!"

Apple Bloom had been so heartbroken back when she’d told her and Scootaloo all this. The memory was like water splashed in Sweetie’s face, and she lifted her head off her pillow. She got off the bed entirely when she heard knocking.

“Hey, Sweetie?”

It was Spike. She went over and answered the door.

“I, um, was wondering if you’d be interested in playing a card game with me.” Sweetie could see Spike was holding a deck of playing cards. “We could play crazy eights or war, or… do you know baccarat? That’s actually a personal favorite of mine.”

Although Spike was smiling, he didn’t truly seem hopeful that she’d say yes.

“Sure,” she told him, “War sounds good.”

They both sat down in the middle of the room.

“Hey, Spike?” Sweetie asked while Spike shuffled the deck. Fingers were kinda cool things to watch in action.

“Yeah, Sweetie?” He was dealing cards back and forth; one for him, one for her, another for him, another for her.

“When you think about it… there’s been a lot of, uh… ponies-losing-touch-with-their-talents going around, hasn’t there? My sister. Apple Bloom’s sister. Rainbow Dash. Rarity. Fluttershy, too, I think.”

“Don’t forget Twilight,” said Spike.

“Twilight?”

Both of them now had twenty-six cards each. If only Sweetie Belle’s magic was stronger, she’d have been able to levitate her cards like a proper unicorn. But since she was still a relatively young filly, her horn could barely give small, fizzling sparks, even after great strain, she had to play war the earth pony way. Meaning she had to flip the card off the top of her deck with her nose.

Spike waited so they could both flip their cards over at the same time. Three of diamonds for Spike and… dang it! Two of spades for herself. Spike took both their cards, and added it to his deck.

“Yeah, Twilight,” said Spike. “Shut herself up in her library for a while. Wouldn’t stop reading. Wouldn’t come out at all for anything at all.”

It took Sweetie a few seconds to even remember her cards. Spike had been going through this same thing, himself? Spike’s older sister had also become a shut-in, like Applejack?

“So this has affected Twilight too…” she said softly, turning over the eight of hearts while Spike showed the ten of diamonds.

It was starting to feel like pieces were coming together in her head.

“What’s affected Twilight?” Spike asked, giving her an uncertain sort of look.

“This… talent-loss thing!” Sweetie told him. “When you think about it… it all started going wrong for everypony around the same time. Right after that one vandal broke my sister’s door.”

“Uh… vandal?”

Sweetie Belle was about to remind Spike about the late-night vandal who’d kicked a hole into the Carousel Boutique’s door a few months ago... when Spike seemed to remember on his own.

“Oh yeah! That vandal.” His nine of clubs lost to her queen of clubs. “Did they ever catch whoever did it?”

Sweetie shook her head. “Everypony lost interest in the case pretty quickly, since nothing really came of it, and there were never any repeat vandalisms.”

“Could’ve been somepony just felt… angry one night, and just needed to let out some steam, and your sister’s door just happened to be there.”

“Maybe.” The next win was hers as well: her jack of clubs over his four of spades. “But I remember the policemare saying that whoever did it was somepony with powerful legs.”

Sweetie shuddered a bit at that. They were all super-lucky this troublemaker just left it at the door, rather than barging in and stealing her sister’s stuff… or worse!

“...And the fact that all that talent-loss happened the very next day…!”

But Spike gave her a teasing smile. “So… a pony kicks a hole in a door one night, and as a direct result, Applejack and her friends are all cursed to become hapless ninnies.”

The laughter that burst out of Sweetie was refreshing. “When you put it THAT way, Spike, it does sound pretty silly!”

They continued playing their card game in silence for a while.

Her three of spades against his six of diamonds…

Her seven of clubs against his five of clubs...

Her ace of spades against his king of hearts...

“Hey, Sweetie? Won’t you at least try to give AJ a second chance? Please?”

Sweetie looked up from her cards. “Why do you care so much?”

He scratched the back of his head. “Well… y’know…”

“No. I don’t know,” Sweetie told the dragon, sitting up straighter. “Listen, Spike, I’m really trying to see where you’re coming from on this. You’ve got Applejack entirely to yourself. Just you and her, alone in this boutique!"

"Ah!" Spike gave out a little cry, as though some well-kept secret had been revealed. Sweetie just pressed on.

“Applejack depends on you now. You’ve got her eating straight out of your hand. So why did you want me back here so badly that you came to my parents’ place over and over and had all those talks with Mom and Dad? Wouldn’t I just be getting in your way? What do YOU get from me being here?”

“...The girl I… care about isn’t helpless or dependant at all,” Spike answered her. “She can stand on her own four hooves. She’s a self-made mare. I want so badly to bring that girl back. One that wants me around because she enjoys my company, not because she desperately needs my help."

Sweetie had never heard Spike speak like this.

“She’s been alone for quite a long time now,” he continued, with a backward look at the door. “It’s only recently that I’ve started helping her like this. I… got too wrapped up with what was going on with my family to notice what was happening to AJ. And after you went home with your parents, she was all alone, and no one noticed for weeks. We were all too wrapped up in our own problems. Things got bad around here, worse than even you saw. Both for the Carousel Boutique… and for her. I’ve done allot to turn things around, but I want to show her that other people care about her besides me. I was hoping you could help with that, Sweetie Belle.”

What impressed Sweetie most was not so much more the sincerity in Spike’s voice, but the resignation and the weariness he was trying to hide. Spike was committed to this. He’d keep coming back and coming back and coming back to her sister’s boutique for as long as AJ kept opening the door for him. They weren’t family or even the same species. And he was doing it all for free.

Sweetie wondered what that said about herself as a pony.

"Pinkie ‘n’ Ah were a real dynamite duo against that flork last night! Sweetie suddenly remembered Apple Bloom telling her with great pride. Best sister evah! Ah’m so glad Ah was able ta help her!"

Suddenly, Sweetie’s ear perked up, listening intently for a sound. The click-a-clack sound of a sewing machine’s needle. It wasn’t there. Sweetie couldn’t hear it. This whole time she’d been playing this card game with Spike, Applejack hadn’t been running her sewing machine.

“Uh…” said Spike as Sweetie stood up. Abandoning her cards, she walked out of her bedroom and into Applejack’s, to see what was up.

AJ sat at her sewing machine. Her hooves were on a piece of fabric. Muscles around her three-diamond cutie mark seemed to be twitching like absolute mad. But the rest of Applejack’s body seem completely locked up. Muscles seized tight. AJ was staring straightforward at the wall, blinking oddly. Every so often, her shut lips would quivering in downward jerks.

“Hey... Applejack?”

It was as if AJ had gotten a hard pinch. “Sweetie…?”

“Spike and I were starting a card game, but we need a third player. Would you like to join us?”

The smile that spread up Applejack’s face made Sweetie Belle feel ashamed of herself and heartsick. “It’d mean the whole world ta me, Sweetie Belle.”

* * *

Young as he was, Spike the dragon could appreciate that he’d been born to a girls’ world. Even without the Alicorn princesses there to tip the scales, even if this world had been more like Lero’s old one, where the sun and moon apparently rose and set by themselves…

...Well, Twilight had taught Spike his history. And he had to give the ponies, all equines really, credit. They had taken their skewed gender ratio and their herd system, and milked them both for all they were worth. Multiplying like rabbits all across the globe. All the other sapient races had to thank their lucky stars that ponies didn’t go for things like genocide and enslavement.

Spike grinned as his thoughts briefly drifted to a certain old novel Twilight kept in her library: Sons of the Sun Prince. Spike had never read it himself, and didn’t really intend to until he was older… but he knew of it by reputation.

Sons of the Sun Prince was the story of a pony world in which the ratio had been skewed the opposite direction; with stallions outnumbering the mares five to one, with a ‘Prince Solaris’ ruling instead of Princess Celestia.

A Swap of genders, in other words.

The story was at least sixty or seventy years old, and was still loved as a must-read classic by book-lovers everywhere.

Lero, himself, had actually read Sons of the Sun Prince… only to lose interest in it halfway through. Spike had overheard the human muttering a weird nonsense words when he’d put it back on the shelf, ‘yowie fangirl-topia.’ Twilight Sparkle had read the whole thing, of course, and Spike was even sure she’d enjoyed it, though she called it a ‘male power fantasy.’

Sometime later… Spike had sat down next to this book-loving stallion who was a frequent visitor of Golden Oaks Library. Spike sometimes chatted when him when he came by, and one day, they happened to be talking about Sons of the Sun Prince.

“It’s actually a well-written story, with pretty fun characterization,” the stallion had told Spike. “But you want to know what’s always ruined it for me? Ponies somehow still make up the majority of the world’s population in this stallion-world as they are real life.”

“Well, why wouldn’t they be?” Spike had asked.

“I’ll put it this way, Spike: imagine an oat farmer who has five acres of fertile land to his name. Just one guy. Now imagine the opposite: a team five oat farmers who’re all on one acre of land. Between the two, the team will have to do a lot less work… but the one farmer with more acres of land will be able to sow more of his oats… he’ll end up with a much bigger yield than the five farmers who’re sharing the one acre of land. Do you catch my meaning?”

Spike had nodded. He had caught his meaning, and it had made sense.

When it came strictly down to ‘yield,’ ponies were a class unto themselves. Even races with equal 50/50 gender ratios, such as griffins, couldn’t compare. Ponies simply had a much larger number of available mothers than anyone else; mothers that were terrific at protecting the fathers, and didn’t mind sharing. So in a ‘Prince Solaris’ world, with way-more-dads-than-moms… wow, it would’ve been bad for ponies, wouldn’t it?

But Spike was getting way off-topic, wasn’t he?

At any rate… in a world like Spike’s, where there were way more girls than boys, there were inevitable way more girly movies playing in theaters than boy-movies. In several of the girlier comedies Twilight had brought Spike to, they’d sometimes trot out this old stock gag where the heroine’s best friend(s) would watch the heroine pull out all sorts of goofy outfits from her wardrobe, and try them on, one by one, in a montage.

Today, Spike, Applejack, and Sweetie Belle were living the reality of that stock gag. With Spike and Sweetie playing the ‘best friends’ while Applejack was ‘heroine.’ Spike cast a dull look at the clock on the wall; their ‘hilarious montage’ had just entered its fourth hour running.

“But it’s soooo comfy ta wear!” In the past, Spike would never have known AJ to whine like this, unless she was mocking some other whiner, even after her Swap. Now she’d been doing it left and right.

“It’s a onesie,” Sweetie said, flat as can be.

“Yeah! Remember back when Ma used ta dress ya up in onesies? Yew were jest adorable…” But AJ’s little sister shook her head. “C’mon, SB, Pa still keeps that frame pictured of yew in his…”

“I know which picture you’re talking about, AJ. And you’re right. I looked cute in that onesie. But I was also a yearling when that picture was taken. What’s more... what you’re wearing isn’t the kitty one I had on. It’s not a puppy or a teddy or a bunny, either. It’s a skunk. You are wearing a skunk onesie.”

Spike could only nod his head in agreement. With some black and white face paint, Applejack could’ve played the part of Sniffy D. Skunk in an amateur production of Chippy Munk Meets The Scariest Screech Owl.

“Skunks’re cute too,” the fashionista pouted, her big brushy onesie skunk tail flicking behind her. “Got that purdy white stripe going down theirs backs….”

“Skunks stink,” stated Sweetie. “And onesies are for one-year-olds. I haven’t even got my cutie mark yet, but I’m still trying everything I can, every day, not to look like a baby.”

Turning around, Applejack shuffling back towards her changing room. Spike hated seeing her like this.

“I’m getting a drink from the fridge,” he told Sweetie, hopping off his chair. “Want anything?”

“Do we got any Jitter left?”

“I’ll check.”

Today was gonna be another long slogger. But at least they did indeed still had plenty of ice-cold Jitter in the fridge when he opened it. Just looking at the bright orange-green of the aluminum cans brought back a memory of Twilight.

“Absolutely not!” Twilight Sparkle had told him, when he’d pointed to a six-pack of Jitter in the marketplace. “I’ll buy soda for you if you want, but energy drinks are way too expensive! And Jitter’s the worst of the bunch, they’ve got the most caffeine of all!”

He popped open the can and guzzled his Jitter down, tasting cranberries and taurine. Even after drinking it, Spike barely felt energized at all. If this kept up, he just might have to switch to that disgusting ‘espresso’ stuff that Applejack relied on so much. Then he got another can for Sweetie, poured the drink into one of those larger handled cups, and brought it to the little white unicorn. Applejack hadn’t returned yet.

“Are you really sure we’re going about this the right way, Sweetie?” he asked in a whisper. “I don’t want to crush her spirit or anything.”

She stuck her hoof through the cup’s hoof-handle and sipped just a bit off the top, like it was hot tea. “I don’t really like this either. But I know what I’m doing, Spike. I know my sister, and this is what she needs. I’m going to cure her of this problem just like Apple Bloom cured Pinkie Pie.”

The two youngsters heard Applejack’s hoofs, and looked forward as she came back into the room so they could behold her next attack upon their innocent young eyes.

Saggy, draggy tie-dye leggings with heavily embroidered knee pads over her hind legs. Strips of crushed, stapled-on polyester and velvet spiralled up one rear leg while large sheer panels were sewn into the other. Her jacket was made of some funky, fuzzy faux mohair with googly eyes glued upon the shoulders whose pupils shook like maraca beans with each movement of her body, making her look like a bushy puppet in psychedelic colors. Spike needed to ask what the material over her tail was called.

“Neoprene,” he was told. “Same material they use ta make wet suits fer deep-sea scuba divers.”

The neoprene literally covered her tail like a sword’s sheath.

The worst was what sat on her head. He really needed to STARE to determine that it wasn’t actually a lopsided green wig, but a hat with a visor. Tiny toy koalas, each no bigger than Spike’s own fingers, had been sewn onto the edge of the visor. The whole ensemble had been liberally sprinkled with kindergarten arts-and-crafts glitter.

“Ah must admit, Ah’m rather fond of this one,” Applejack told them. “Whadda yew think, Spike?”

“I… um… I…” he squirmed in his chair but spoke with regretful honestly. “The outfit is ugly, unflattering, and I don’t think it knows what it wants to be.”

AJ sniffed. “Well, taste is entirely subjective. Style is personal.”

“Where would you wear it, though?” Sweetie Belle protested. “On what sort of occasion would you actually want to go out and wear a thing like that?”

The fashionista bit her lower lip. “Ah admit, this ain’t fer the faint of heart. It takes rock-solid backbone ta snub the status quo and slip inta somethin’ as hip and experimental as this. It’s bold, it’s darin’, it’s brave…”

“Say, Applejack?” Sweetie suddenly interrupted. “Remember that one stage magician you took me to see that one time?”

The young filly’s perky smile threw Applejack off her train of thought. “Huh? D’ya mean the Great ‘n’ Powerful Trixie?”

“No, no, the other one we saw before Trixie came. What was her name...? Mystika the Astounding!”

Applejack did seem to know who Sweetie was referring to, while Spike turned and listened in interest. This ‘Mystika,’ whoever she was, had to have come to Ponyville long before he and Twilight had moved in.

“Anyway, remember that big glass tank Mystika escaped from? The one her assistants kept filling up with all that water? Remember the hoofcuffs and that horn wrap Mystika put on herself before she stepped inside? THOSE were ‘bold’ to wear, wouldn’t you say? Oooh, but how about that one kerosene-soaked bathrobe she put on before running the steeplechase-of-fire? I mean, if there’s a more ‘daring’ thing a girl can wear, I don’t wanna KNOW what it is!”

Sweetie pointed at AJ’s outfit.

“This, though… this isn’t bravery. Wearing lousy clothing doesn’t make you ‘brave,’ any more than eating lousy food or watching a lousy movie. It’s just doing yourself a disservice, nothing more. ”

Applejack said nothing to this in a way that hurt Spike’s heart to see. She turned and left to try on her next outfit.

Getting Sweetie Belle’s help had been a very good call. Where Spike felt weary and drained after all these hours, Sweetie had made for an absolutely tireless critic. It had been like watching a tiny little lumberjack hack away at a giant old redwood.

AJ’s next outfit that had Spike and Sweetie both sitting up in instant alarm.

Some timberwolf had been hiding in the changing room, and he’d tried to bite Applejack apart, limb from limb! ...At least, it seemed to be that way for two seconds, until Spike considered a number of things. There hadn’t been any sounds of a struggle, Applejack had come out of the room unbloodied, at a showy strut instead of running for her life. But even so…

“Ah know what yer thinking, Spike,” said Applejack, “‘Ain’t that denim, jest like what Lero’s blue jeans are made of?’ Good guess, but no, it’s actually chambray. Thinner, lighter, softer material fer a gal who ain’t afraid ta flaunt her delicate side.”

“I’m pretty sure that what me and Spike were thinking is,” Sweetie Belle said, “why are you wearing a blouse and pants you’ve ripped to tatters like that?”

“It ain’t ‘ripped up!’ protested Applejack, though some of the holes were literally big enough for Spike to stick his whole head through. “It’s distressed!”

Spike rubbed a throb at his forehead.

“Distressed?” the young filly repeated. “As in ‘damsel in…?’”

Applejack gave a disgusting, you-just-don’t-get-it scoff.

“‘Distressed,’ as in… yer tellin’ the world how different yew are from them other gals who’re too busy pamperin’ themselves at all waking hours ta do anythang meaningful with their lives. Unlike those self-sheltered snots with way more money than sense, yeh’ve been places and done thangs. Wear ‘n’ tear’s jest the clothing version of scars on a soldier! Shows ya aren’t scared ta get yer hooves chipped, and yew don’t have time ta fret about lookin’ perfect and keepin’ every thread undamaged ‘cuz everyone’s unpleasable anyway, and yew’ve got millions of thangs on yer to-do list all at once, big worries, constant problems... yer jest so hopelessly far behind in everythang yew intended ta do with yer life, new stresses every day, piling on top of the old stresses… this stress and that stress, all wearing ya ragged, tearing ya like the claws of animals, til ya know it’s actually yer MIND that’s got all the real holes…!”

“Applejack….?” Sweetie Belle spoke in a hush.

The two youngsters got off their chairs as Applejack fell to her haunches, trembling as though she’d just spent the past hour trapped in a walk-in freezer.

“Help me!” she begged in a small voice.

Spike went and got a pot of tea brewing while Sweetie Belle murmured soft, soothing words to her sister and nuzzled away the tears. After he’d come in and set the cups of steaming chamomile down in front of the sisters, Sweetie Belle told him, “I think she’s ready.”

Knowing what she meant, Spike left and came back a second time... with the large, thin, blue folder Sweetie had picked out from his sister’s old files last night.

“Hey, AJ? Let’s have a look at some of these, why don’t we?”

Spike had been helping Applejack at the Carousel Boutique for quite a while now. In all that time, he’d never seen the Swapped pony outline her ideas for garments beforehand. She’d just grab whatever rolls of fabric or whatever struck her fancy, pile it up next to the sewing machine, and get to work.

So it was a bit nostalgic for him seeing page after page of finely-dressed ponies, even without Rarity’s signature in each corner. Every mare was drawn with such curvy, inky grace, it was like calligraphy made illustration.

“Remember this one, AJ?” asked Sweetie, turning one page.

Applejack smiled at the sketch, not even blinking as Sweetie brushed away a new tear. “Y...yeah. That li’l camisole put bread on our table fer five whole months!”

“Or this one?”

Applejack giggled down at it. “Don’t ever tell anyone,” she said, “But that one Ah based off a poster fer an ol’ film noir flick!” Spike looked over their shoulders; immediately guessing this had belonged to the movie’s femme fatale.

“Or how about…” Sweetie Belle turned the page once more. “THIS?”

It looked to be some sort of blue ball gown, woven of sleek shimmery fabric, and best of all, it was heavily jeweled. Perhaps not as jeweled as it could be, only half the amount needed for that unforgettable Sapphire Shores piece a few years back… but that was still a lot of gems; front, sides, and back. He had to hand it to the old Rarity; she had a real gift for stirring a dragon’s appetite.

“You ought to try making this again,” Sweetie suggested, in a would-be casual way. “I think it’ll be a hit!”

Spike watched the Swapped mare pause… perhaps ‘remembering’ what kind of profit this gown had won her. Having checked through her sales ledger ahead of time, Spike, himself, already knew, (of course, he had gotten AJ’s express permission beforehand.)

“This… was popular,” AJ said. “But… well, lemme put it this way, Sweetie Belle. Ponies’ll want their favorite brand of ketchup tastin’ exactly the same fer all their lives. And no inventor’ll ever needed ta upgrade the humble roll of duct tape. But fashion’s a slippery li’l shapeshifter. Today’s chic is tomorrow’s passé. So if Ah put this back on mah shelves, it’ll jest look dated and unoriginal.”

“Not necessarily,” Spike said, cozying up next to AJ. “I may not be a huge fashion fanatic, myself, but I even I know that trends go in and out of style. Otherwise, stores would never ever sell anything ‘retro.’ I don’t look at this dress and think ‘dated.’ I think: revival.”

“Revival...” Applejack sounded genuinely enticed when she repeated that word. But then Spike saw her cutie mark twitch again. “Ah dunno. Fashionistas can’t ever be running dry on creativity… they’ve always gotta be rollin’ out all-new, all-original, never-before-seen threads…”

The Swapped mare was beginning to fidget…

“It may be an older design, but it’s still your design, AJ,” Sweetie contended. “Besides, at this stage, wouldn’t you rather at least try something you already know was a big hit once? Even just to get a little money back?”

AJ considered it. The muscles around her cutie mark seemed to want to clench... but could only manage a faint waver.

“Only one problem.” Applejack went over to a chest, nudging it open with her snout. Nothing was inside. “Had ta pawn off all mah jewels ta buy more fabric.”

“No problem!” Spike said, puffing his chest out like a hero. “I’ll gladly donate every one of the gems I have at home to you, AJ!”

“Spike, that’s jest... swell a’ yew.” While he smiled at the compliment, glad AJ understood how sincere he was, the Swapped pony took the sketch of the jeweled gown, and placed it in his hand.

“D’ya got enough at yer place fer this fer one of these dresses?”

The young dragon reconsidered the picture, ignoring how absolutely lovely and appetizing the gown looked for the total number of gems which Rarity had written in a little box in the picture’s bottom-right. He then thought back to the stash of jewels he kept in his pantry at home, as well as his own toy gem chest hidden in his bedroom closet.

“...Honestly, I don’t know.” he admitted. It’d be a LOT of gems. Maybe, just maybe, if he were to break them all up into small-enough pieces…

“Now consider this, Spike: Ah’m NOT gonna git meself outta the red with jest ONE single dress. Ah’ll need ta sell several of ‘em.”

Dang it… he hadn’t thought of that! Applejack patted Spike’s shoulder when he hung his head. “Mebbe we could get away with imitation rhinestones...?” she wondered aloud.

“Absolutely not!” Both the girls were startled; Spike’s look bordered on anger. “If there’s one thing the Carousel Boutique is respected for, it’s the 100% authentic gemstones it uses in its clothing! Cheap costume jewelry would be nothing short of sabotaging our big comeback!”

“Well, sorry, but the good gems cost quite a few bits!” Applejack huffed, “Bits we jest ain’t got!”

Spike glanced at Applejack’s empty gem chest, then gave a longer look at the sketch in his hands. At the artistic signature just under the dress: Rarity.

“...There is ONE place I know of where we could go to get all the gems we need. For free.”

Applejack took a step back. “Ya don’t mean…?!”

* * *

“But why wouldn’t you want me coming with you, Spike?” Sweetie Belle exclaimed. “You’re a boy, aren’t you? Wouldn’t you want as many girls around you as possible to protect you when you’re out in the Diamond Dogs’ territory?”

It had taken twenty more minutes of careful, well-reasoned arguing until Spike had gotten Applejack to finally… reluctantly... agree to his plan.

Tomorrow, he and AJ would be returning to the same rocky stretch of land he’d gone to with Rarity, back when Sapphire Shores had needed all those bejeweled costumes for that Zeigfilly Follies concert of hers.

And here was Sweetie, probably seeing this as yet another chance of getting her cutie mark, even if she wasn’t saying so out loud. She needed to appreciate the real danger they were headed into.

“...You know about how Lero got kidnapped?”

“Yeah,” Her eyes widened, and sympathy entered her voice. “Oh, Spike, I’m so sorry about that. Lero’s always just the nicest guy to me and Applejack. Is he okay?”

He nodded. “He’s much better these days. But here’s my point: that gang had a Diamond Dog with them. And what that dog almost did to Lero was just the evilest thing ever.”

“What?”

Those eyes of Sweetie’s… so innocent...

“Forget I said anything.”

“What?”

Spike went and shut Sweetie’s bedroom door a little firmer after checking the hallway to see that Applejack wasn’t standing outside it.

“He tried to infect Lero with, like, fifty of the worst diseases ever, all at once.”

“He was a mad doctor?” asked Sweetie.

“A mad…? Yeah. Yeah, that’s exactly what he was. A mad doctor performing a crazy medical experiment on Lero, with test tubes, petri dishes, and a giant, nasty syringe. Nailed it in one, Sweetie Belle.”

Sweetie grinned; delighted to have guessed ‘correctly.’

“The whole thing’s made me really appreciate how lucky me and your big sister got off, with those Diamond Dogs we met that first time. Now, I don’t know Diamond Dogs well enough to say whether they’re ALL that evil. But this particular pack? They’re all rotten to the core.”

Sweetie continued listening as Spike glanced at a stuffed toy puppy on her bed.

“If those dogs see us back in their territory, well, they won’t have forgotten everything your sister put them through last time. They might try and kill us. But what I’m most scared of is… they may try doing what that one dog nearly did to Lero.”

Spike could almost see the crackling electrodes, atomic brains, and mutant cyborg guinea pigs that Sweetie had to be envisioning. How he wished his own imagination were conjuring something so clean as a mad doctor's laboratory!

“We’re risking a lot, but to put your sister back on track, anything’s worth trying. If things get hairy, I’ve got my fire and AJ can be quite the fighter, in a pinch. But you, Sweetie? I’m sorry, please don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re not there yet. You wouldn’t even BE here, at the Boutique, if not for me. It’d be all my fault.”

If anything happened to this sweet girl, he’d never be able to forgive himself, ever.

“So please, Sweetie, please… tomorrow, just stay home. Just let us handle this, okay?”

After a long pause, Sweetie Belle reached out and hugged Spike tight. “Hey… thanks for being worried about me. It’s really sweet. Most colts wouldn’t even care. But as my mom says… you can’t live life by being afraid to live it. I know it’s dangerous, but I can’t just sit by and not help my sister!”

Wow, he could actually respect something like that. But still…

“Tell you what, Sweetie,” he said after a bit of thought. “Why not go ask Applejack? If she has no problem with you coming along, then you can come.”

Spike thought that’d put an end to it. But Sweetie’s completely confident smile put the worry back on the young dragon’s face.

* * *

The next morning, Spike started cooking up an expansive breakfast, a dozen scrambled eggs, several slices of buttered toast, a fruit medley consisting of grapes, apples, oranges and bananas over cottage cheese. He served himself up half, leaving the rest for his family when they woke up. He hadn’t even been all that hungry when he’d woken up, but he forced himself to keep shoveling in food, until he started feeling stomach pains.

“Whoa, sure you can get that all down, Spike?” Speaking of the rest of his family, a bleary-eyed Lero walked in, observing his meal.

“Hey, Lero.” Spike replied. “There’s food on the counter if you want some.”

“Thanks.” He said, serving himself some. “What’s with the big portions on your part?” He asked, as he sat down next to Spike.

“I’m going on a gem hunt with Applejack and Sweetie Belle.” he replied. “If find any, I don’t want to feel a trace of hunger, so I won’t be tempted to so much as nibble a fleck of topaz! That’s why I’m stuffing myself to the gills.”

Lero raised an eyebrow. “I wasn’t around back then, but I heard about the… Diamond Dog problems you had last time. You sure you don’t want any help?”

Spike heard the hesitation in his voice, and internally winced at the sensation of deja vu. “No," he said, "I can do this by myself.”

“You sure?” Lero persisted. “Doesn’t have to be me, I’m sure Lyra or Twilight or even Dash or Rarity would be happy to help.”

Spike shook his head, articulating the thoughts that had been bouncing around in his head. “No, Lero… this isn’t for me. This is for her, proving that she can do this one her own- Me and Sweetie are just there for support, working for her, not leading her around. Adding more people would take away from that.”

Lero paused and smiled. “That’s… that’s actually a pretty mature way to look at it, Spike, I’m impressed.”

“Thanks!” Spike grinned.

“Honestly, I think you’ve probably got this… But I have two questions…”

“Hmmm?”

“How’s this going to work? I thought Rarity found gems with magic? How will that work with AJ?”

“Well… Either I figure that the Swap will figure out some way for her to get the knack… Or, well, I’ve been reading up on geology, so I could probably fake it. It’ll take longer, but better than nothing.”

Lero shrugs. “Fair enough. And second… What do you plan to do if a Diamond Dog shows up?”

“Well, that’s the other reason I’m eating so much…”

“Yeah?”

“Takes a lot of calorie to breath dragonfire.”

* * *

The ground under Spike’s feet was almost a perfect softness; the type farmers and gardeners would sell their eyeteeth for. Soft like sand in a playground’s sandbox. Soft like cocoa powder. Very diggable.

Well-dug. Spike thought with a shudder.

Like the last time he’d come out with his beloved fashionista, Spike had brought his red toy wagon, to carry all the gems they found. The squeak of its wheels kept Spike on edge. But unlike before, he had also brought something of a trump card along this time. It was a letter for Celestia he’d written last night:

Dear Princess Celestia,

If I’ve sent this to you, that means Applejack, Sweetie Belle, and me (Spike) are all in super-big danger. The three of us went out into Diamond Dog territory to dig up gems. If you’re reading this, then that means Diamond Dogs have attacked us. PLEASE HELP US RIGHT AWAY!!!

Love,

Spike

Spike kept this letter clutched in his other hand like he’d clutch garlic in a vampire-infested forest, as he followed behind AJ with Sweetie Belle. The little white filly had been humming half-finished, unfamiliar tunes to herself. Her humming was eerie to listen to, yet still so undeniably beautiful, Spike couldn’t bring himself to ask her to stop.

“Hey, Applejack!” Sweetie Belle called out suddenly.

“Ssh!” Spike shushed. “Do you have to be that loud?!”

Sweetie gave Spike a quick apology, then trotted up alongside her big sister.

“Applejack?” It wasn’t a whisper, but it was still spoken softly. “Are you getting any hunches?”

The older mare glanced down uncertainly. “Hunches?”

“Yeah! Y’know, remember your story of how you found your cutie mark? You followed a hunch all the way out to that huge rock! And Spike, remember the day AJ brought back all those cartloads of jewels, and you told me all about what happened?”

“Yep!” Spike said, immediately jumping onto the Swap’s fiction. “No forgetting a thing like that!”

“Right!” Sweetie Belle agreed. “You used to find gems all the time!”

“Remember? Before the Diamond Dogs kidnapped you, I was following your hunches and they showed me where a bunch of gems were, right?” Spike reminded AJ.

“Uh… mebbe try here?” Applejack pointed at some dirt.

Spike bent down and began digging with Celestia’s letter in his mouth. Careful not to let his breath ignite. Careful not to let saliva soak the paper.

“You look a little nervous, Spike.” Sweetie observed.

The young dragon pulled the letter from his mouth and dug one-handed for a while. “More than a LITTLE, actually,” he admitted.

“Well, I’m not seeing any Diamond Dogs around,” the unicorn filly said, turning her head this way and that at the small bits of plant life around them.

“They hide in bushes and they hide in trees,” Spike reminded her, and they all looked around at the bits of greenery around them as he said this. “But what’s worse is they’re really top-notch tunnelers. Could pop up from the ground at any time.”

In fact, with each handful of dirt that Spike scooped, he could envision a Diamond Dog’s paw shooting up and latching onto his arm like a graveyard zombie, before he was dragged under.

Sweetie bent closer to Spike, whispering. “Don’t worry! Don’t be telling AJ, but last night I snuck out to the Apples’ farm, and I got Apple Bloom to show me how to buck properly. Practiced kicking for a whole hour! So you’re gonna be okay.”

“Whew!” said Spike. “That’s a load off my mind. Now I know I feel protected!”

As smart-alecky as Spike felt inside… to Sweetie, he was a portrait of sincerest relief. The little filly shut her eyes in a happy smile, which Applejack watched without comment.

“T… that’s enough, Spike,” Applejack said, after Spike had dug for ten minutes. “Ain’t nuttin’ there, after all.”

The orange mare turned away as Spike climbed out of his hole.

“Applejack?” asked Sweetie Belle, in concern. “Why…?”

“Don’t worry, Sweetie,” said Spike, dusting himself off. But it was clear she was worried, all the same. “Look, we already know AJ’s… a bit off her game with her dressmaking. Now we know it’s her gem hunches too!”

Spike caught a tight, displeased glare from the fashionista, herself, looking back over her shoulder. The little dragon quickly turned all his attention on Sweetie Belle, but kept speaking at a volume that Applejack would hear clearly.

“But I know she’ll be back to her old self once we help her out of this rut! But if we can’t rely on hunches right now, maybe we could try trial-and-error.”

Sweetie and Applejack both nodded.

“We should split up, to cover more ground!” Sweetie declared.

Split up?! Spike was already nervous enough as it was. Digging for gems here felt like fishing in shark-infested waters, only they didn’t even have the protection of a boat. But splitting the group up in the scary place? That was what the stupid teenagers always did in horror movies. Spike didn’t even watch any horror movies, and he knew that.

“Over there looks good!” declared Sweetie, galloping off to the west.

“No, Sweetie, don’t!” called Spike, running after her. “Don’t go wandering off on your own!”

Sweetie Belle stopped in her tracks. The frown she shot at Spike as she came up to him said; Oh, I see how it is. I’m just the dumb, klutzy kid sister, huh, Spike?! Can’t do anything right, and gotta be looked after like a little foal. Might as well keep me on a toddler’s leash, why don’t you?!

In many of the ‘rescue romance’ movies Spike had watched, the love interests, whether male or female, had a certain attitude to them, as recognizable as a villainous sneer. The easiest way Spike knew of describing this ‘attitude’ was ‘like the old Fluttershy, but ten times less able to take care of themselves.’

He decided to try this out with Sweetie Belle, putting on a meek and vulnerable face, while hugging his tail for security. For an added flourish, he snuffed a meager little puff of smoke from his nostrils, as though to say; my flame’s nowhere near as big or hot as I wish it were.

“Please, Sweetie, I… I’m trying my best to be brave, really I am, but most of it’s just an act,” he told her softly. “It’s hard to be strong. Couldn’t you stay with me? Pretty please? I know I’ll feel safer with you around.”

He felt dumb the moment the words were out of his mouth. If he were Sweetie, he’d have yelled at himself and gotten angrier and more insulted.

But the real Sweetie Belle’s eyes widened enormously at Spike, and her body just froze up for a few seconds. Not even breathing. This, in turn, caused Spike to freeze up and not breathe as well, staring right back at her with the same wide eyes.

What had just happened?

“It’s okay, Spike,” she told him, turning herself around to face the wide, dangerous world ahead of them. “You don’t need to pretend to be brave any more. I’ll be brave for you. I’ll be strong for you. I’ll be right here.”

Spike knew at once that Sweetie Belle wasn’t quoting any movie’s screenplay. Not even the type that wannabes wrote for themselves in their own heads. This was completely off the cuff and from the heart, which made it all the more unreal. Of course, there were times when Sweetie Belle could be annoying, troublesome and bratty, like any other kid, including himself. But for the most part, Spike knew this filly to be as sweet, likeable, and easy to get along with as a bowl of ice cream.

Now, though… was this how Lero felt whenever Rarity the Weathermare stepped in front of him to play the gallant bodyguard-knight? He thought maybe it was. He tried not to think about Sweetie too hard as he got to digging again.

The last time he’d been here with Rarity had been before Shining’s wedding. Before Lero. Before even Discord. He and the sweet unicorn fashionista had come out here, because the ground was known to be rich with precious stones. But was that still true today? After being occupied for so long by Diamond Dog packs?

Maybe all his worrying really was over nothing. There weren’t any Diamond Dogs to fear because there weren’t any diamonds, (or any other gemstones whatsoever) left to keep them around. In other words: this had probably been a giant waste of time.

“Hey, Spike?” Sweetie asked. “Do you really think I’m a brave girl?”

At this point, Spike had already committed himself to the role of the ‘vulnerable colt,’ and he did not intend to break character until they were back in Ponyville.

“Well, yeah!” he improvised in an admiring voice. “I always thought that it was incredibly gutsy of you and your Crusader friends, the way you never give up on get your cutie marks, and are willing to try absolutely everything… I wish I could be that courageous, but what good would it even do me? One day, you’re going to get your cutie mark, while I never will.”

After hearing these word, Sweetie Belle held herself higher and stronger, putting Spike even more in mind of a small white guardian lion cub.

“Don’t sell yourself short, Spike,” she told him, “You’re plenty awesome yourself.”

“You think so?” he asked with unfeigned surprise.

“I know so. And don’t be scared: nothing’s gonna happen to you on my watch.”

He could almost believe it. She seemed ready to take on Queen Chrysalis and Exit Wound themselves... for his sake. If only a brave heart automatically gave you rock-solid combat experience.

“This ain’t right,” Applejack suddenly said.

Spike and Sweetie looked over at her. “What isn’t?” Spike asked.

“Mah muse goin’ all winky-funkerbunk on me’s one thang. Artistic inspiration has been known ta get weird after a while, sometimes. But mah gem hunches, though? That’s a whole different string of pearls! Now, these past few minutes, Ah’ve been tryin’ and tryin’ ta reach inside mahself and jest kick them fool hunches of mine back awake, but it’s like they weren’t there at all!”

“Well,” Spike began, “When…”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t think Ah don’t know what yer about ta say, Spike. ‘Brain injury.’ ‘Fell outta bed one night the wrong way.’ Trust me; Ah’ve thought it mehself. Except that… even a deaf ear still leaves an ear, don’t it? Even a missing leg leaves a stump! But Ah’m not even feeling any phantom limb sensation…”

“AJ, you’re making absolutely no sense!” Sweetie told her.

Releasing a long breath, Applejack reached a hoof up to rub at a spot under her hat. “What Ah’m lookin’ ta say is… when Ah try ta find that hunch-place deep inside me, it feels like Ah’m searching mah soul fer somethin’ that weren't never there in the first place. Like mah head’s orderin’ mah body ta retract its cat claws or wiggle its fingers or breath dragon fire, or waggle some other appendage mah body ain’t got!”

The two youngsters gave each other worried looks. “You DO still remember following that hunch to that mountain when you were a filly, right?” Sweetie asked.

“Yeah, Ah do,” said AJ. “But still… if mah hunches never really existed… mah dresses, mah boutique, mah entire adulthood weren’t nothin’ but a great big LIE!”

Then the former Bearer of the Element of Honesty stamped a hoof down hard.

“IF AH ACTUALLY AIN’T ABLE TA DETECT GEMS THE WAY MAH MEMORIES SAY AH AM, THEN THESE THREE DIAMONDS REALLY DON’T BELONG ON MAH FLANK AT ALL!!!”

Right after that outburst, Applejack’s pupils went impossibly wide.

Spike had seen moments like this before, of course. Moments where one of the Swapped Five -- confronted with huge gaps or contradictions in their memories -- would enter a state of mental blankness as the Swap performed what Lero called an ‘infodump’ to fill in its own plot holes.

What was happening to Applejack right now was nothing less than an extra-strength version of that. Not a ‘dump,’ but an avalanche.

This time, Applejack’s head didn’t just cock to the side. Her body attempted the contortionist’s trick of bringing her forehead to touch her ankle while standing upright. Sweetie Belle and Spike both screamed sharply as she toppled over.

“AJ!!!” Sweetie shrieked, rushing to her sister’s side. AJ lay on her side like a mare shoved off a roof. “What’s wrong?! What happened?! Speak to me!”

Applejack actually was speaking already.

“....diaspore tektite violane kunzite anyolite jargoon wiluite spodumene fluorspar chloromelanite nuummite spessartine carnelian morion essonite kyanite heliodor pezzottaite gahnospinel sugilite orthoclase zoisite dumortierite cymophane larimar variscite roscina jeremejevite sphene pyrope achroite sardonyx rhodochrosite oligoclase prehnite chrysocolla idocrase…”

Somewhere in the world there had to be champion speed reader whose eyes could whip from right to left and left to right again as fast as Applejack’s were going. As well as some silver-tongued fast-talker whose mouth could form words as rapidly and articulately as this orange-coated mare’s.

Spike saw plenty of dismay in Sweetie Belle’s eyes as she listened to all this. Probably thought her sister had fallen into some insane, gibbering not-language. But Spike, having crammed several geology textbooks last night, was in a unique position to appreciate that none of these words were gobbledegook. In fact, he felt pretty sure about what The Swap was now doing (or trying to do) to Applejack’s brain. And he was all the more terrified for it.

He looked down at the Swapped mare’s cutie mark, alarmed all the more to see that the three diamonds had expanded over twice their normal size. Two seconds later, they shrank small enough to fit inside one of Lero’s shirt buttons. Sweetie Belle was so focused on her sister’s face that she saw absolutely none of this.

Applejack fell silent; eyes shutting and reopening. Her cutie mark returned to normal size.

“Ah’m okay,” she announced groggily, getting back to a stand while wiping drool off her lips. “Ah swear Ah’m okay again now.”

“You… you… you REALLY SCARED ME, AJ!!! Don’t EVER do that!!!”

And as the little filly flung herself against her sister foreleg and sobbed noisily, he tentatively came up and hugged her other leg.

“Ah’m sorry,” she said, hugging the both of them back.

When they broke the hug, Sweetie looked up at her older sister with great seriousness, “Applejack... . when we’re back to Ponyville, you need to make an appointment with a head doctor. And I’m not even talking about a psychologist, I mean somepony who’ll look at your actual brain.”

“Y-yeah,” Applejack agreed in a subdued voice. “Ah think there ain’t no…”

The Swapped pony had shifted to better her balance, putting one hoof on the solid earth as she leaned back to look Sweetie in the face, her eyes suddenly widening as the hoof sunk into the earth. She looked outward, as though she’d heard an odd sound.

“Over there, Spike,” she said, pointing straight at the first hole Spike had dug up. “Dig over there.”

“But we already tried that spot!” he reminded her.

“Dig deeper,” Applejack told him.

“AJ… You ok? How’s your head feeling?” Sweetie Belle asked. AJ just shook her head, watching Spike intently as he went over to the first hole, and pulled up more and more dirt…

...until his claws scratched against something stony. He called out excitedly to the two girls as he carefully unearthed a cluster of sky-blue sapphires. Ten of them!

“H-how’d you know?!” asked Sweetie in amazement, as Spike placed the gems in his wagon.

Applejack titled her nose up, smiling proudly. “Call it a hunch.”

And then the mare pressed her hooves into the earth, focusing a moment, then her head snapped up, looking over to another, spot, trotting over to it, about twenty paces northwest of where Spike stood. “Now dig here, please,” she said, scratching an X into the dirt with a forehoof.

Ten minutes later, he’d unearthed a single red-orange stone.

“Oooh, what a pretty ruby!” Sweetie Belle cooed.

“This ain’t no ruby,” said Spike. When he rubbed the dirt off the gem, and turned it around in the sunlight, it gleamed with fiery color three times brighter than any diamond. “It’s… I think it’s called, spuh… uh...”

“Sphalerite.” Applejack might as well have been an award-winning geologist for how naturally that word rolled off her tongue.

“Yeah,’ said Spike, turning back to Sweetie. “This is a super-rare gem, a collector’s gem! I’ve never even seen one, myself, outside of the books Twilight’s given me! What’s it even doing in this part of the world?!”

Gazing at it took Spike’s breath away. The sphalerite was such a soft little beauty; unsuitable to be fitted into golden rings and such, so Spike was careful not to squeeze it too tightly in his palm. But the gem’s remarkable luster… the unbelievable SHINE refracting off every cubic crystal, gold would’ve only gotten in the way. Not to mention the smell it gave off… zinc and sulphide, mmm….

...NO. No. Spike put the gem into the wagon, hiding it under the pile of sapphires. “Show me the next one, AJ!”

“Right this way!” The way the fashionista’s lovely blond tail swished back and forth against those three diamonds… he quickly hid a blush. “Now it’s startin’ ta feel like ol’ times again!” she proclaimed.

To think… Applejack had browbeaten the Swap into giving her actual ‘gem hunches.’ There was just no other way of interpreting what had just taken place. (And she’d done it on a subconscious level, to boot!)

Spike knew plenty about gems, himself… the same way a sandwich connoisseur knew about different breads and cheeses. For one of his birthdays, Twilight had given him a book titled Every Jewel Throughout The World. To date, it was one of the only reference book he’d read as eagerly as his comics, and was in fact, one of the books he’d read up on before this trip. So when AJ had been babbling all those words, earlier… Spike knew what she’d been talking about.

Kyanite? Idocrase? Jeremejevite, for laughing out loud? These weren’t the kind of rocks buccaneers swung cutlasses over in pirate adventure tales! Yet Applejack’s pronunciation of each gem’s name had been flawless.

The Swap must’ve dug its talons back into her brain, reconfiguring her mind, instincts, and Earth Pony magic so she had a sixth sense awareness of every form of stone which jewelers were willing to slap a price tag on, (including the more well-known ‘mainstream’ gems, such as rubies and emeralds, not just the obscure ones.) It was even possible that AJ’s new skill might even be stronger than the old Rarity’s gem-finding spell. Spike felt happy for her.

But it had still been TERRIFYING for him and Sweetie to watch, and no doubt WORSE for Applejack to have to go through. He’d thought AJ’s brains were going to melt straight out of her ears, and glad the Swap hadn’t hurt her. He hoped that neither Applejack, nor any of the other Swapped Five tried pushing their luck like that ever again.

Huh? Why wasn’t his wagon moving? He looked backward, prepared to pull its wheels out of whatever hole it had gotten stuck in...

“I’ll be taking those pretty gems, dragon-baby!”

He didn’t recognize this particular Diamond Dog at all. Its head poked out, mole-like, from a hole that’d suddenly popped out by the wagon’s wheels. Its arm was latched onto the metal handle which Spike was dragging the wagon around by.

Spike stared into the dog’s dirty grin, remembering that he still held his letter to Celestia in his free hand. But the Diamond Dog lifted himself further out of the ground and made to swipe all the jewels out of the wagon… and the little dragon found himself yelling something while dragging his own claws across the dog’s snout, giving the great mongrel a scratch that would’ve made Opalescence proud.

Yipping, the Diamond Dog momentarily ducked back under his hole, clutching his nose, and Spike just grabbed his wagon handle and ran, completely forgetting the Diamond Dogs’ other trick of hiding themselves behind lots of thick leaves, until the second Dog leapt at him from a bush he thoughtlessly ran past. This Dog might’ve snagged him, if not for Sweetie Belle, who charged at the dog valiantly with her nubby little horn, and actually scored a sharp poke just under the mutt’s knee, causing him to yelp in surprise and pain, and take a tumble to the ground.

“Applejack!” Spike screamed, but AJ was dealing with a third dog, who seemed to be chasing her around in circles around a tree.

These were a completely different trio of dogs than the ones that’d kidnapped Rarity. Yet their pelts were equal parts dirt as fur, and they bore the same kind of sinister, crooked smiles as those first guys. On one hand, none of them came remotely close to being of ‘purebred’ stock. On the other, for each of these mutts, a distinctly recognizable ‘breed’ dominated over the rest of their heritage.

The first one, who’d tried to ambush Spike from underground, reminded Spike of a Deerhound, with his rough, wiry bluish-grey coat. The second, who’d jumped out from those bushes, was a lot closer to a Boxer than anything else, with his great buggy eyes, jutting underbite, and stumpy little tail. The third was still chasing after Applejack, and in spite of being the tallest and most muscular of the three, with the deepest and lowest bark, his face still resembled that of a tiny little Shih Tzu, albeit one whose fur was all in dirty, twisted tangles.

“Run, Spike!” Sweetie shouted. As the Boxer recovered and bared broken fangs at her, the little filly actually managed to force a few extra-large motes of magic through her horn. “Run for Ponyville! I’ll hold them off!”

It wasn’t as though Spike would’ve ever fled to begin with. But that Diamond Dog was so large, and, and...

“...Even though I know that Scrounger dog is dead… he’ll still live on in my nightmares, Lyra.... all his raving about ‘fiddling’ and ‘diddling’...”

...And as his memory brought up this conversation between Rarity and Lyra he’d eavesdropped on one night, Spike wondered whether this Boxer might be related to that Scrounger dog. Or if not a relative, then a kindred spirit.

Spike ran forward to save Sweetie, letting the familiar heat build up in his throat…

...Only to feel a thick, grimy padded paw close around his neck and lift him off the ground.

“Trouble breathing fire, little dragon-baby?” the Deerhound asked in Spike’s ear, closing his paw tighter upon his windpipe. “Trouble breathing?”

Spike’s body wasn’t a weak one: his scales could withstand all sorts of things that would outright kill most mammals. But the Deerhound was a big dog, and in his powerful grip, Spike could only let out a small, choked cloud of smog. At least it wasn’t enough to actually strangle him, but that could change.

“Let him go!” Sweetie squealed, just before she, herself, was picked up by the Deerhound as well.

“Awwwwwwww… adorable! Such a pretty head! Such a glossy coat!” Sweetie managed to bite down on the Deerhound’s other well-calloused forepaw, but he didn’t even flinch, chuckling as though Sweetie were just a teething kitten. “Think I’ll bring you down to my sister… she’s great at obedience training! Then I’ll bring you home! My litter will love you! You’ll be our family pet!”

“Hoooooow could yeeeeeeeeew deeeeeeeew thiiiiiiiiisssss?!”

The Deerhound yiped.

“My ears!” screamed the Boxer.

The Shih Tzu had stopped chasing Applejack, backing away, tail tucked.

“It’s jeeeeeeeeeest soooooo meeeeeeeeean of yeeeeeeeeew!”

“That voice!” gasped the Shih Tzu.

“That mark!” The Boxer was pointing at AJ’s cutie mark, as if it were some notorious killer’s tattoo.

“Meeeeeeeeean, meeeeeeean, meeeeeanieeeeeees, that’s what yeeeeeeew all arrrrrrrrrre!”

“The legends were true!” shrieked the Shih Tzu.

“It’s the Unpleasable Demon-Pony of a Thousand Demands!” They chorused in horror.

The Deerhound continued holding Spike and Sweetie, Staring at AJ with unmitigated terror, while the Shih Tzu and the Boxer bent down together to dig up an escape tunnel. Spike had never seen faster excavators: their paws tore through the earth like it was nothing but dried leaves. Yet the Diamond Dogs still weren’t fast enough to escape Applejack’s voice.

“Ah had a buuuuuusy buuuusy schedddd--u---elll Ah worked soooooooo haaaaaaaard ta maaaaaaake, but nooowwwww mah puuuuurddy, purrrrrdy pelt’s gonna git soooo iiiiicky and duuuurty cuz Ah’ll be hoooooounnding yeeeeeeew dawwwwwwgiiiieess throooough evvvvvvvery hooooole yeeeew diiiiiiig! Daaaaaaay and niiiiight if neeeeeed beeee!!!”

Back when Rarity the Fashionista had first told the story about how she’d literally whined her way into dominance over the Diamond Dogs, he and Twilight and everypony else in their circle of closest friends all had a laugh. But now, being subjected to The Whine in person… well, it was the difference between watching an actor tumble down some stairs in a movie, and taking an actual fall down a flight of stairs, yourself.

What was issuing from Applejack’s lungs was every bit as dreadful in its own right as The Stare of Fluttershy’s pre-Swap days. If an evil banshee had made itself a home the deep South, and picked up the local accent before magically fusing itself with the shrillest and most overindulged rugrat ever to unwrap the wrong toy for her birthday present...

“Then Ah’ll hafta wear mah daaaaaaaainty litttttttle hoooooovsiiiies doooooown ta the nuuuuubs, poundin’ yew puppies inta puuuuuuuudiiiiiingggg and giiiiiiit mahself all sweaaaaattay and naaaaaastay and huuuunngrayy and tiiiiiiired, haulin’ ya’ll doowwwwwn teeeeeew maaaah basement where Ah can CAAAAAAGE YEEEEW UHHHPPPPP!! Then ya’ll always git ta listen ta what’s botherin’ me, EEEEEVVVVVERRYY TIIIIIME AHHHHHH FEEEEEEL SAAAAAAAD!!!!”

“The stories..!” screamed the Boxer abandoning his digging to shove his paws into his ears, as Sweetie Belle whimpered softly. “The stories didn’t say enough! Not NEARLY enough!”

The Whine stretched out vowels like fingers slammed into a door. On its surface, it was a punishingly drawn-out wail that perfectly matched the orange mare’s sobby, pouty facial expression. But like an injured gator in crystal clear waters, it was impossible to miss what lurked in the undertones of that infantile noise: the Applejack of Old, threatening to rise back up from deep beneath, and exact retribution.

“And if either of ‘em young’ins should git so much as a SCRATCH on ‘em…!”

The Deerhound THREW Sweetie Belle and Spike at Applejack as though the two of them were demonically cursed ragdolls. Spike got back up okay, but Sweetie yelled ‘Ouch!’ when her head got a small cut after she’d hit the ground.

“Ohhhhh, HORRORS! A SCRATCH! A greeeeeat, biiiiiiig, uuuuuuugly SCRRRAAAAAAATTTCH on mah dear sister’s HEEAAAAAAAAAAD….!!!!!”

All three Diamond Dogs threw themselves flat on the ground, now all whimpering as only canines can.

“Please!” pled the Shih Tzu, through his high keening. “We beg of you, O Eternal Enemy of Eardrums…”

“‘Miz Applejack,’ will do, thank ya kindly.”

“Have mercy, Miz Applejack! Surely there must be something we lowly dogs can do for you! Anything! Name it! Just stop the horrible wail that haunts the nightmares of our pups!”

Applejack scratched her chin with the bottom of a forehoof. “Hmmmm…”

* * *

Once Applejack had persuaded them properly, the Diamond Dogs had been very helpful. Spike had gotten to rest his arms and clean himself off while the pooches had done all the gem-digging for them, wherever Applejack had pointed. In no time at all, the three of them were practically kicking themselves for not thinking to bring something larger than a child’s toy wagon to store it all in, but Applejack did have her saddlebags on her, so they were able to fit in quite a few more pounds of diamonds, emeralds, and rubies, and other gems.

At one point, Spike had hunkered down next to the Boxer and asked, in a quiet voice that the two ponies couldn’t overhear, whether he knew anything about another dog named Scrounger. The Boxer had immediately bristed.

“We know of that awful piece of soap,” the Boxer snarled the word ‘soap’ as if it were a far viler sort of four-letter word, ‘but we do not speak of him. He was banished! Do not insult your breath speaking of him, Not-Dog!’”

He didn’t pry further. If there was something a Diamond Dog didn’t wish to speak of, Spike was certain it wasn’t worth talking about. And knowing what Scrounger was like, he didn’t blame them. At this point, the little dragon wanted to have preserved at least a smidgen of his own innocence by the time he came of proper dating age. Though if Scrounger was a pariah amongst other Diamond Dogs, it made him feel a bit better about Diamond Dogs as a whole.

“Is Scrounger back?” the Boxer whispered to Spike, in an even quieter voice, the tone convoying more horror and disgust than mere words.

“He’s dead,” Spike told him.

“Really?”

“Really.” The coroner had even mailed them a copy of Scrounger’s death certificate at Rarity’s request.

“...One less beastie to threaten our pups. You ponies did good.” And the Diamond Dog flashed Spike a truly likeable smile.

Once Spike, Applejack and Sweetie Belle had finally loaded up all the gemstones they were capable of carrying, Applejack turned to the three of them. “Now, yew three did a good job, helpin’ me out here, so yer gonna get your dues” She pulled something out of her saddlebags, presenting it to them.

At first, the three of them flinched. “Please, Miz App- Oh.” The Boxer said before getting a good view of what she was offering- three large gems. “...For us?” he asked hesitantly.

“Yep! I never let hard work go unrewarded. I’da paid ya more, but you did kinda attack us. So this is all ya get.”

“No complaints!” the Deerhound affirmed as they each snatched their gem.

“Next time, ask me when you see me, and we’ll work out yer pay if’n you want ta help. And no one gets complained at then, Y’hear?”

“We hear, Generous, helpfuls, kind, non-complaining Miz Applejack!” the Shih Tzu replied, practically bowing as he replied.

“Heh, ‘till next time, then.” AJ replied. The three of them waved goodbye to Bandit the Deerhound, Shadow the Boxer, and Trapper the Shih Tzu, (Sweetie Belle had thought to ask what their names were,) before heading back to the Boutique.

To the kids’ surprise, AJ only wanted lock their gems away before she brought them both straight to the ice cream shop to reward them. Sweetie had a strawberry shortcake parfait, AJ had two scoops of mint delight… Spike had been about to order himself a simple cookies and cream scoop, but Applejack saw how his eyes lingered over the Jumbo Dreamboat on the store’s menu, and ordered that for him instead, right away.

Ice cream had never tasted quite so sweet.

The next phase of things required Spike’s mighty jaws to crunch up the nugget-sized, (or larger) gemstones into smaller fragments, suitable for sewing into a dress.

All for her. Spike had to remind himself, looking at Applejack’s face and Applejack’s cutie mark every time his treacherous appetite begged him to swallow just a shard of that yummy ruby, one tiny little shard shouldn’t matter… It’s all for her.

The fragments were then passed over to Sweetie, who was in charge of cleaning the gem fragments with citrus-scented antibacterial soap, (so they’d be free of dirt and dragon mouth-germs,) which she then put in a large bowl by Applejack’s side, while she sewed.

* * *

The first few hours of the following morning passed in a groggy blur for Spike. He got up, showered, ate… but he didn’t truly become fully awake, fully himself, until he found himself stepping into the kitchen of the Carousel Boutique.

“Hi, Spike! Did you have breakfast yet?”

Sweetie Belle sat at the table next to a cereal box and a empty bowl with milky residue, with an open newspaper in front of her. Even just a few moments ago, coming through the Boutique’s door and walking through the showroom to get to hear felt foggy to him.

“No thanks, I ate,” he said, failing to remember what he’d eaten for breakfast.

“What’s that you’re reading?” he asked, as Sweetie looked back at her newspaper.

“I’m not reading! I’m doing the crossword puzzle!” she told him. “Maybe I’ll end up getting a crossword cutie mark!”

“Well… cutie marks are stubborn little things, but you gotta just keep working on ‘em,” he said, coming to sit by her side. “Gotta crack through at some point.”

Frankly, it was great hearing Sweetie refocus on her cutie mark crusade again. Almost like things were back to normal. Sweetie nodded with a pleased smile before frowning down at her puzzle.

“Say, Spike? What’s a three-letter word for ‘self?’

The little dragon scooted his chair over by Sweetie, so he could also look down at her crossword. She was tapping down at a particular line of squares: 19-Across. He tried to think of every word he knew that also meant ‘self.’ Not ‘I,’ Not ‘ME,’ definitely not ‘MYSELF.’ Maybe it was ‘YOU?’”

Except, when he glanced over at the crossword puzzle’s clue list, the one for 19-Down read: ‘NOT WEST.’ So Spike grabbed another pencil and wrote in ‘EAST’ for 19-Down, meaning that 19-Across started with an E. Dang it, there wasn’t any…

But he thought some more. “Ego,” he said. “As in ‘egotistic,’ and ‘egomaniac’… ego means self!”

Sometimes, living with a bookworm really paid off! Sweetie happily wrote in EGO for 19-Across.

“Ooh, and what about 37-Across? ‘GAGGLE MEMBERS?’”

Spike was pretty sure he knew this one two. “Geese!” he said. “A gaggle of geese!”

But from there, the questions started getting hopelessly hard.

“Spike, what does ‘tannic and boric’ mean?”

“I dunno, sounds sciencey.”

“What’s the ‘final stanza in a poem,’ Spike?”

“I don’t even know what a ‘stanza’ is!”

“Did Twilight ever tell you if there’s a ‘tree that yields chocolate substitute?’”

“Okay, this is horse apples. I ain’t even much of a chocoholic, but there ain’t NOTHING that can taste like chocolate BUT chocolate!”

In disgust, Spike’s eyes wandered off the crossword a little to a different part of the newspaper …

--insists that Cutie Mark Dysmorphic Disorder, or CMDD, is a very real and prevalent syndrome among a considerable percentage of ponykind. “This issue transcends all the usual dividing lines found between tribes, ages, gender, and all levels of the social hierarchy. Mainstream society prefers to dismiss CMDD as a ‘foal’s problem’ which needs to be ‘grown out of.’ But the so-called ‘Humanapping Incident,’ [involving the now-notorious criminals Honeydew and Exit Wound] has served to spark an ongoing--

“Hey, Spike?” Sweetie asked, while the dragon felt ice under his spines. “For 5-Down, what’s a four-letter word that means ‘Exchange?’”

Sweetie Belle forgot her crossword altogether when there came a knocking on the Boutique’s front door, and she dashed to answer it. The newspaper lay on the table. Feeling disquieted, Spike decided to leave it there, and followed her into the showroom. It appeared Apple Bloom had been the one who’d knocked; she had already stepped inside, chatting with Sweetie Belle.

“So ya think ya CAN go an’ crusade with us after school?” Apple Bloom was asking, as Spike came within a closer listening distance.

“Pretty sure!” said Sweetie. “AJ’s doing much better, after all! This time, I’m thinking we could try for puppeteering cutie marks, after we were done with school! C’mon! Let’s go!”

School? Oh, right. Today was Monday. When pony foals started their school week. It would be different without Sweetie around. It’d only been two days since she’d returned to the Carousel Boutique, and already she’d been an enormous help.

“Uh... forgettin’ somethin’?” asked Apple Bloom, with a roll of her shoulders so that the school bags she wore gave a bounce.

“Oops! Be right back!”

And Sweetie headed up towards her room to find her school bags.

“Hey.” The little dragon gave a start… that hadn’t been Apple Bloom who’d said that!

“Scootaloo?” he asked, whirling around. She had been here too? How’d she snuck up on him?

“Hi, Spike,” said Scootaloo. “Rarity asked me to pass along a message to you the next time I see you. She says that she’d like you to come home earlier because she wants to spend more time with you.” Then before he could properly respond to that, her expression turned more serious. “Are you being a bad kid with Rarity, Spike?”

“No!” Spike told her. “I swear I’m not!”

“Good!” snapped Scootaloo. “Cuz Rarity doesn’t need anyone making her sad! You’d better not be acting bratty with her or else…” She paused to think up what would make a good ‘else.’

“...Or else you’d be doing a super-uncool thing! And nopony likes to be super-uncool, do they, Spike?”

“Of course not,” He sighed a little. “Scootaloo… the next time you see Rarity, could you please tell her that…”

“No!” Scootaloo interrupted. “You tell her! You’re the one who gets to live in the same house with her! That’s how it works, if you don’t want to be super-uncool!”

Clearly looking to diffuse the situation, Apple Bloom looked over at the three ponyquins standing front and center of the boutique. “Hooo-weee! Those are a LOT of gems!”

“D’ya like ‘em?” asked Applejack, finally stepped into the showroom.

It wouldn’t have surprised Spike if Applejack had only woken just twenty minutes earlier. While she didn’t appear unkempt or drowsy in the slightest, she looked very worn out.

“Well, there’s no question, it’s the nicest thang ya got in this store, Miz AJ!”

Spike certainly couldn’t disagree with Apple Bloom on that count. Applejack must’ve worked straight through all of yesterday night to crank out these three outfits. Part of Spike had wanted to stay by her side for every moment of it… but when it was getting close to eight o’clock, he had to relent. As much time as Spike had been spending here, the Boutique wasn’t his home, he had his own family, and they would be hurt if he didn’t come home at some point.

“Found my bag!” Sweetie Belle called, reappearing with her school bags on her back. “See you tonight, Applejack!”

And the Cutie Mark Crusaders hurried off to their school.

Applejack had meant to sew a total of six bejeweled dressed, and sure enough, Spike heard the sewing machine start up once again.

The little dragon looked over at the three finished dresses on their ponyquins one more time. thinking it could be better. The stitching was a little shoddy. Plus, the original sketch of this jeweled dress had called for a certain type of silk. But since they couldn’t dig up free silk for themselves, they had to go with a less expensive fabric. However, it was clear AJ had painstakingly followed the instructions, and as a result, it didn’t look terrible. Really, it was head and shoulders above anything else in the boutique. In fact, if somepony were to walk in right now, she’d probably…

“Oh my! Aren’t they all lovely!”

A unicorn lady had just stepped inside the Boutique. Hers was a new face. Maybe around her mid-thirties. He couldn’t think of how to describe her mane except that it was extremely big, elaborate, unique and pretty, and probably cost a small fortune in hairspray alone.

The ring of the door’s bell brought the sewing machine’s clacking to a stop.

“Howdy, pardner!” AJ said, stepping back into the showroom. “Welcome ta the Carousel Boutique, where everythang’s sheek, you-neek and mag-niff-feek! What can Ah do ya for?”

The unicorn lady’s eyes locked upon all three of the jeweled dresses at once. “You can do me for these! Look at how they all glitter! And sparkle!”

Applejack blinked several times as though to prove to herself that she hadn’t dreamt this customer up. “If ya’ll like ‘em, lemme lead ya over here, so ya can see how they look on yew.”

But the customer shook her head when AJ motioned towards a changing room. “No need! Beauties like these speak for themselves! I’ll have the lot of them! How much are you asking for?”

“ Uh… welp, between the quality of the materials and the amount a’ TLC put inta their makin’, Ah can’t rightly ask fer less than 8,300 bits fer each dress…”

“Sold!” And just like that, Spike found himself watching moneybags float out of the unicorn lady’s saddlebags. They split like water balloons when they hit AJ’s countertop, spilling coins out all over the counter and the floor. The customer waited patiently as Spike and AJ gathered it all up and counted out 24,900 bits.

“T-thank ya! Do come again!”

Spike walked over to AJ when the customer had left. “How are you feeling?” he asked her.

“Stunned,” said AJ. "And happy.”

She was smiling like a mare who was only just realizing that her spell of sickness had ended. “Gettin’ happier, in fact! Ah feel lighter. Ah feel brighter,” She spun in a little circle. “Like Ah know what Ah have ta do, and Ah can do it!”

Was it Spike’s imagination, or was that Diamond Mark on her looking a little fainter than it had a second ago?

Applejack got out from behind the counter, walking over to the window and Spike joined right next to her.. “Boy, Ah’ll tell ya, there’s somethin’ beautiful ‘bout watchin’ yer customers head outta yer shop, with their new… what… in… tarnation…”

From the window, Spike and Applejack watched the unicorn lady levitate the dresses out of the bag Applejack had put them in. She had to be one strong, well-focused magic user: because her next spell… her next spell separated all the dresses gems from the fabric they’d been stitched to, all at once. She ripped all the stones straight out. It felt like the ugliest sound Spike had ever heard.

“She…” Spike wanted to turn Applejack’s head away. He wanted to turn away himself from what he was seeing.

The dresses were all left as ‘distressed’ as that one chambray thing from the previous day. It looked like a family of rats had chewed it up.

“She didn’t… like them dresses at all.”

From her saddlebag, the unicorn lady levitated out something that might’ve been a coin purse, and placed all the gem pieces inside it. As for the fabric… that she bunched up into one big ball of cloth, directly in front of her face. The next second, Spike was watching it burst into flame, which the unicorn lady used to light a cigarette.

“Only them gems had any value.”

It was just dresses. Cloth was not skin, nothing had been maimed. Lifeless stones had been torn out. Not eyelids or teeth. Who cared if this horrible mare -- whom Spike hoped would try eating all those gems she’d plucked out -- had destroyed them? Wasn’t like she’d stolen anything. She’d forked over a good bundle of money to torch some fabric. Over a dozen more bolts it sat in the storerooms. Joke was on her!

This devastation Spike was feeling had no business being in his heart!

But just as he drew breath to cheer the Swapped pony up, the unicorn mare outside threw the flaming ball into a nearby puddle of wet mud, which snuffed out the fire. And Spike was only able to catch a glimpse of tears leaking out the sides of Applejack’s eyes before the orange mare had fled the sight of it. As though it were the Carousel Boutique, itself, that had gone up in flames, instead of one single garment.

He heard her hooves up the stairs, and her bedroom door lock.

How dare this mare… how DARE she! Didn’t even have the decency to wait ‘til she got home to start yanking gems out; she had to rip apart it right outside the store’s entrance! As though the Boutique’s reputation hadn’t suffered enough! The little dragon returned to the window, with every intention of letting the unicorn mare know what a rotten creep she was, if she was still standing out there!

And the lady was. Looking straight at Spike through the window. Her smile raised many questions in his head.

For example: why had only he and Applejack reacted? Shouldn’t he have found it peculiar that no one else outside had given so much as a single startled word when some stranger began setting clothes on fire? There were plenty of bystanders and passersby to be seen, but they appeared downright oblivious to the stranger’s presence. Walking around her as though she were just some mailbox that happened to be posted right in the middle of the road.

Then he noticed her eyes.

They were yellow.

Even when the loud and enormous zipper pulled down from the center of her forehead, and her whole body opened up like a purse on legs, no one let out a cry. Not even after Spike, himself, did.

From her forehead, the zipper went all the way across her underbelly, then back up her tail end and across her spine. Out stepped Discord the draconequus, grinning.

“...No.”

Frozen, unable to say anything more than he desperate, begging denial, Spike just watched as the Chaos God held out that coin purse, and all the gem fragments flew out and swarmed together in the air, forming letters. Forming words.

YOU HAVE NOW BEEN PUNISHED.

Then Discord sucked the gems all into his mouth with downright dragonish delight, munching them all up before transforming himself into hundreds of coins, raining down amongst the ponies in the street, who cheered in confusion and delight, scooping them right up.

When Spike ran upstairs, he found that Applejack had left her door locked.

“AJ! AJ, please let me in!” he pleaded, while hammering on her door.

“Spike, get out,” she told him through the door. “Ah am absolutely serious. GIT OUTTA HERE. NOW.”

Her voice was like red hot coals spilled onto the floor: it’d burn you if you tried to reach out to it. Spike tried reaching out to Applejack anyway.

“It’s not what you think!” he cried. “That customer wasn’t even a real pony! It was Discord in disguise!”

“Discord…?”

“Yes! I saw him! I swear it was him, on my own life! Playing another of his dirty rotten tricks! AJ, please, I know how upset you must feel. Please let me come in there, I want to help talk to you!”

“Ah… Ah’m afraid Ah’ve hit mah limit,” she told him. “Ah just can’t deal with yew, Spike. Ah’m tired and upset and Ah want ya gone.“

“What did I do?” he sputtered in anguished disbelief.

“Ah’m fed up with yer voice. Ah can’t stand yer face. Ah’m SICK TA DEATH of bein’ mothered ‘n’ babied BY a baby.”

Baby?! An unwise spurt of indignation flared to the surface of Spike’s emotions. “S… so that’s it, then? This is how your lifelong dream goes out of business? One jerk acts jerky, and you shut yourself away in your bedroom?”

AJ unlocked her door and Spike took an involuntary step back. To Spike, it felt like the all the scorn and contempt adults through every corner of the world felt towards children had been consolidated into a single tear-soaked, red-eyed, piercing glare.

“Look…” she started, trembling with the effort of not exploding. “Ya made me a LOT of money jest now… Ah ain’t unthankful, boy. But ya see mah cutie mark?”

The Swapped pony pivoted to show her mark. Even though it gave off no light, Spike still felt the crazy instinctual impression that those diamonds were now giving off a diseased glow.

“THIS AIN’T THE MARK OF A JEWELER! Ah am a FASHIONISTA. If ponies are only interested in buyin’ ROCKS from me, and not clothes, then Ah’m doing mah job more wrong than evah! So now jest march on down those stairs and take a long hike from me, yew annoying lil’ pest. Yew ain’t givin’ me the help Ah REALLY need.”

“Applejack,” he tried, in a cracked, watery voice. “Please. Don’t do this… let’s put our heads together...”

But the Swapped pony was truly done. She bit down on the scruff of his neck like some frustrated mother cat, hustled down the stairs, and all but flung him out the boutique’s door.

Spike was certain the worst sound in the world was that of the lock clicking shut behind him.

* * *

Spike was having some problems opening the door to his home.

Mostly because it was remaining stubbornly blurry.

He blinked rapidly, trying to clear his vision. Stupid tears.

As he finally pushed open the door, he heard voices in the living room. He ears picked up Lero, Rainbow, and Fluttershy’s voice, talking back and forth.

Oh. Right. Comedy lessons.

He was certain his presence would do nothing to help foster a sense of humor. And he wasn’t finding much to laugh about right now. He started to sneak off to his room…

“HI, SPIKE!”

Damn Pegasus hearing.

He rubbed his eyes, put on his best fake smile, and turned around. “Hey, Fluttershy.”

Fluttershy flapped over to him cheerfully, stopping short as she saw the redness in his eyes. “Oh! Are you feeling well, Spike?”

“I… Kinda had a rough day. But I’m fine!” He said with false cheer.

He saw Lero frown, a concerned look being exchanged between him and Dash from over on the couch. Spike knew they could tell he wasn’t ‘fine’. However, before they could intercede, Fluttershy spoke up again.

“I know what’ll help!” she enthused. “A good joke! Even if you’re fine, it’ll make you feel better!”

Spike paused. He really didn’t want to hear a joke… but… He didn’t want to screw up someone else’s equilibrium. Just a few fake laughs, and he could be out of there. and maybe she was right, maybe it’d make him feel better.

“A mare’s just come home from an antique shop, bitter about her breakup with the stallion who’s now her ex,” Fluttershy started. “She pulls out the lamp she just bought, start to rub it clean, and out pops a genie! ‘I’ll grant you three wishes,’ the genie tells her, ‘But there’s a catch. Whatever you ask for, your ex will also be getting, twice over.’

“‘I wish for a million bits!’ says the mare. And a huge pile of bits now lays at her hooves. ‘Bear in mind: your ex is now two million bits richer,’ said the genie.

“‘I wish for a mansion on my own tropical island!’ the mare says. ‘Granted,’ the genie tells her, ‘But know that your former coltfriend now has two mansions to his name, each sitting on a tropical island.’

“‘The mare thinks hard about her final wish. Then she smiles and says, ”For my last wish... I want to give birth to triplets!’”

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Was that what AJ would've wished on him? For him to suffer just like this ex in the joke? But then… he'd never been an 'ex' himself, had he? Never even been a coltfriend of hers...

Tears and sobs broke through Spike’s false cheer, and with a cry, he fled the room.

“But… but I thought… What did I do wrong!?” Fluttershy cried, her eyes tearing up.

“Nothing.” Warm arms embraced her, startled to find Lero giving her a tight, reassuring hug. “The joke was funny, and you meant well. I think.. .Spike’s just had a really bad day, and no amount of joking is going to help it.”

“Oh… Ok… I’m… sorry,” Another pair of arms hug her, Rainbow Dash on the other side. “Don’t worry. It’s fine. You two, keep up at the lessons. I’m gonna make sure the little guy’s okay.”

“You sure?” Fluttershy asked. “I don’t want to impose…” Despite what she said, her cutie mark twitched.

Rainbow shook her head. “Nah. We’re not going to kick you out when you had the day planned with us. I can handle it.” She flapped away leaving the two to their lessons.

Rainbow knocked on Spike’s door. She only heard muffled sobs. She pushed open the door, finding Spike face-down. Bawling into his pillow. She closed the door behind her, walking over to him, putting her hoof on his back.

“Spike…”

“I don’t want to talk about it!” Came his muffled protest.

She slide her hooves around him, hugging him tight. “You don’t have to.” Is all she said.

He shifted, and hugged her back as he cried.

* * *

Fluttershy’s lessons ended a bit early that day, shortly after noon when Rarity came home for lunch. Lero called a family meeting, and soon the herd clustered in one of the reading rooms, waiting for Spike and Dash to arrive. Before long, the pegasus came down, the young dragon clinging to her side, still sniffling.

“Spike!” Twilight and Rarity both called, immediately rushing up to him.

“Are you okay!?”

“What happened!?”

“Girls? Can you give him a little room? At least enough to let him sit down?” Lero asked. They paused and nodded, letting him get to the couch. Dash settled down on one side, and Rarity the other, Twilight sitting on the floor in front of him to be close.

“Okay, Spike, relax.” Lyra said. “Tell us what happened. No rush, whenever you feel up to it. We’re here for you.”

Spike nodded. “Y-you all know h-how I’ve b-been helping Applejack, right? Well…” Then the story started tumbling out. Cleaning up the entirety of the Boutique, forcing AJ to care for herself, convincing Sweetie Belle to return, (which was a shock to several members of the herd who hadn’t even realized Sweetie had ever left the Boutique). convince AJ to use ‘her’ old designs, the trails in finding the gems, then…

“So this uncouth customer destroys Applejack’s dress just outside the Boutique... and then she flipped out at you for it?” asked Twilight.

“She didn’t really call you an annoying pest, did she?” Rarity asked.

“A-ask her!” sniffled Spike. “G-go ahead and a-ask her! I know she’ll at l-least be honest!”

“I think I will.” Rarity stated, with rather stony starkness. Lero could foresee a lot of freezing rainfall in Applejack’s near future.

“I-I-I ruined everything!” Spike blubbered. “Absolutely everything! I even dr-dragged Sweetie Belle into this, because I thought I had th-th-things u-under control! What kind of sister is Sweetie gonna come home to tonight?!”

Lero, Lyra, and Twilight exchanged glances. Spike had managed to flash them a look they immediately recognized. There’s more to this story I want to discuss when the Swapped aren’t around, this look said.

“Well!” declared Rarity. “That can be dealt with later. In the meantime, Spike, you are our priority. We are going to do absolutely everything to make you feel better!”

Spike blinked. “R-really?”

“Yeah!” The herd chorused, Spike finding himself in a group hug.

“Aww… thanks, guys…” He said, gratefully, with only a small sniffle.

The rest of the day was almost a blur. Lyra played his favorite music. Lero told him cool stories from his world. Dash let him play with her animals. Twilight made his favorite gem-cake. The entire herd played his favorite board games together. And Rarity… Rarity, went above and beyond. She sat and listening to Spike as he discussed the sort of things he’d been doing for Applejack this whole while in greater detail, cuddling him close. She even brought him to the bathroom, so she could ‘freshen him up.’

Being reptilian, Rarity couldn’t give Spike a fancy haircut. But she still seemed to know just what to do in lieu of that: drawing up a soothing bath for him to sit in -- a bubble bath, just like he liked it -- then rubbing down all his scales with a relaxing, sweet-smelling cream and then a wax, both warmed to a soothingly high temperature, which gave his scales a glistening sheen.

“There!” Rarity said, when she was finished. “What do you think?”

“I think I can see my reflection in his armpit!” Lyra joked.

Spike hugged Rarity. “You’re a really, really great herdmother, Rarity. I’m so happy you’re in my family. Thank you for always being so kind and sweet to me.” Then, after a fretful pause, he finally came right out and said it: “I… I love you, Rarity. I love you lots.”

She gave him a sweet kiss. “I love you right back. You’re my sweet little boy, Spike, as good as my own firstborn, and that’ll never, ever change. I’m only sorry I haven’t set aside time to properly show you that more often.”

“No way,” said Spike. “I’m the one who should be sorry… I’ve been treating everyone so distant lately with all the stuff that’s been going on, including you.”

“Well, I forgive you, as long as you promise never to do it again.”

Spike smiled. “Deal.”

“Speaking of not neglecting my herdmates… I see three mares in my herd that I haven’t lavished my styling talents on. Lyra, Rainbow, Twilight? It’s your turn.”

“Uhm,” Lyra said, surprised.

“Er.” Dash said, cautiously.

“Really?” Twilight inquired.

“Absolutely. I need an assistant. Spike?”

Spike smiled broadly. Like old times, sort of. “At your service, milady.”

“Oh, Spike!” she giggled. “You’ll be such a wonderful prince to some lucky mare someday!”

The duo of them bathed, trimmed, and styling their manes, Spike handing Rarity her requested tools and supplies, and sweeping up swatches of cut hair off the floor. When they finished up, the sun had set.

“Oh, my, that was refreshing! How about a nice dinner and we pop off to bed?” Rarity asked, to which the herd agreed.

Much later, at around 11:30 P.M., Lero woke Spike up with a soft knock on his bedroom door. The dragon came out yawning and hugging a pillow.

“We could tell you had more to say about what happened today with Applejack,” said Lero.

“What about Rarity and Rainbow Dash?” asked Spike.

“They’re fast asleep in bed,” said Twilight, who was standing next to Lero. “I cast that sleep spell of mine where they won’t wake up until I cancel the spell. C’mon, let’s make sure they don’t overhear in their dreams.”

The four of them headed downstairs into the reading room, when Spike put it quite simply.

“It was Discord.”

“Wait… what?” Twilight asked, baffled. “Who?”

“The patron that bought the dresses, and tore out the gems… He said it was… punishment for ordering him around earlier.”

“And to think I was actually coming to like that helter-skelter jumble heap!” grumbled Lyra. “I thought he was supposed to be on our side, helping us help the Swapped!”

“Well, there’s something he’s made clear to me, from our conversations…” Lero responded. “That there’s nothing more he hates than being ordered around. And he’s new at this ‘friendship’ thing, so he may not grasp the concept of ‘proportional response’.”

“That’s hardly an excuse!” Twilight replied.

“I know, and I intend to bring it up with him- but I doubt he’ll be interested in what I have to say on the subject.” Lero sighed.

“I worked so hard with AJ for so long!” Spike said. “If he wanted to get back at me… I dunno, change me into a giant walking, talking ukulele, but don’t hurt Applejack to get to me!”

Lero agreed. “This sets us back weeks, most likely. Spike could’ve actually been on the verge of finding equilibrium for her!”

“Hmmm, but that’s not in violation of the agreement he made with Celestia. All that’s important is that I figure out a way to fix the spell. Equilibrium doesn’t matter to Discord, and messing it up doesn’t break his agreement, as long as it doesn’t make them genuinely crazy.” Twilight pointed out.

“It’s still a rat thing to do.” Lyra groused.

“Lero…” The little dragon got down from his couch, onto his knees before the human. “Please Lero: help Applejack. Save her! She’s always so lonely! It’s been so hard and painful for her this whole time! I tried to do it myself, I really DID try, but I’m too young, too stupid… too much of a baby dragon. I love her so much, but I don’t even care about winning AJ’s heart anymore just…work your human magic on her and SAVE HER! I don’t want those horrible diamonds destroying her any more, I don’t want her trapped within herself! I want to see her LIVE again!”

Lero hunkered down. “First thing, Spike: You’re not stupid. You tackled the problem in ways I probably wouldn’t have thought of, and with a dedication most people never find in their lives. You did good, okay? You got a lot closer than most people ever would.”

“Okay…” He nodded Solemnly. “But what about AJ?”

“I won’t save her,” he told Spike. And just as a stricken look of pain came on the young dragon’s face, he added. “We’ll save her. All of us here. And that still includes you, Spike. We’re a team, and we’re going to do everything we can.”

Spike’s voice came in a choked-out squeak as he said, “Thank you.”

Lero clasped Spike's smaller fist within his own. He brought the union close between their chests, their free arms clasping around their backs. For Spike, the motion came naturally though this was the first time he made it. He had never done this with Lero before, never even seen this before. Spike had the sudden feeling that this was a ritual that humans did only with those they trusted most.

It was a different sort of hug. A hug only he and Lero were even capable of, in all Ponyville. A hug between comrades.

A hug shared between brothers.

“Hmmm… Hey, Spike,” said Twilight, settling on a couch. “Didn’t you say at some point when you were first telling the story that you thought the stitching on those jewel-dresses AJ made could’ve been better?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” the dragon said. “They were... okay enough, but even I could see it was still a bit amateurish. In spite of all the insane amounts of practice she’s put in at that sewing machine of hers. What made it really shine was the gems.”

Lyra asked, “You know the old saying, ‘practice makes perfect?” When Spike nodded, she said, “Well, it’s wrong. Practice only makes perfect, if you're practicing doing it right. Practicing doing it the wrong way just makes you perfectly wrong.”

“Well said,” said Twilight. “Yeah, I think what AJ needs most is a teacher. In the same way that Pinkie Pie was able to improve after Apple Bloom helped teach her proper farming… Applejack could probably be a good seamstress with a little bit of guidance.”

“But to bring AJ up to Old Rarity’s level, she’ll need a really good mentor.” Lyra added. “It can’t just be some middle school home economics teacher; she’ll need to be fashionista-level good. If not better.”

“But who do we get, then?” wondered Twilight. “Apple Bloom was able to help Pinkie because she’s a pretty good farmer for a kid her age, but Sweetie Belle’s terrible at sewing. And Rarity, herself, is right out, of course.”

They all thought it over.

“Maybe we could look into somepony else from out-of-town?” asked Spike.

“Possible…” said Twilight.

And then, suddenly, Lero recalled something which Twilight Sparkle had said quite a long while ago…

“Did you know that Fluttershy was highly talented at sewing, in addition to being good with animals? It’s true! She sewed a dress for Rarity once; Rarity’s DREAM dress! And Rarity wore that dress proudly to the Grand Galloping Gala! Why, I have no doubt in my mind that if SHE’D been the one swapped into being the dressmaker, instead of Applejack, Fluttershy would've gotten along in that role as nicely as peanut butter and jelly!”

He stared forward at Twilight’s mane, which Rarity had trimmed and styled with as much talent and care as she did for his own hair…

“They all still have their other skills!” He exclaimed to the others. “Don’t you see?! Rarity’s able to give us all first-rate haircuts, even though the Old Rainbow Dash had only a bare bones understanding of mane care! Dash is able to perform all those different martial arts, even though Old Fluttershy was never interested in fighting! I’ll bet you anything that Fluttershy still knows how to sew a dazzling dress which even a fashionista could love! Even if Shy doesn’t know she knows! SHE'S the teacher Applejack needs!”

Their eyes lit up in excitement. But then Twilight protested; “But the fact that ‘she doesn’t know she knows’ could backfire on us horribly. What if we end up causing a ‘plot hole paradox’ in Fluttershy’s mind, just like what happened when Rainbow Dash remembered all her martial arts at the Sicklefin fight? Remember me telling you about that?”

Lero nodded soberly.

“What if we do what I did with Rainbow Dash preemptively?” Lyra proposed.

“What do you mean?” Twilight asked, her brow furrowing.

“We cook up some kind of ‘cover story’ for Fluttershy knowing how to sew in advance. Tell her something along the lines of, ‘Say, Fluttershy, I remember you telling me the story of how your beloved late grandmother taught you to sew, back when you were on the rock farm!’ Knowing the Swap, if it can’t think up something for itself, it’ll latch onto any halfway-believable excuse we give it, and craft really elaborate memories from it!”

Twilight thought that over. “Even if we do all that, there’s still one problem: Fluttershy’s still completely obsessed with jokes.”

They all paused. That would be a problem. There was simply no way Applejack would be able to tolerate Fluttershy as a teacher while the pegasus would surely fixate on being an insufferable class clown through all her lessons.

“Then let’s focus on that,” said Lero, excitement returning to his voice. “That’s how we’re going to solve this! Once Shy’s mind is balanced, she’ll become a more properly focused teacher. The key to getting equilibrium for Applejack is getting equilibrium for Fluttershy first.”

“It’ll practically be two equilibriums for the price of one!” Twilight cheered.

“But how do we GET her equilibrium?!” Lyra sighed. “We’ve been trying for AGES to turn Fluttershy into a good comedian!”

They all thought some more.

“Maybe… maybe we’ve been looking at Fluttershy’s problem from the wrong angle, this whole time.” Spike suggested. “Maybe there’s a different approach.”

“What do you mean?” asked Lero, scratching under his hat.

“Well, it’s just like with Pinkie the Farmer: there was more to her situation than just the farm chores she was obsessed with: What really made AJ what she is is family. So there’s got to be more to Fluttershy The Jokester than jokes. Think about it, guys! What was the OTHER big thing, besides being funny, that the Old Pinkie Pie was best known for?”

A long, awkward pause between the four of them. It was interrupted by a thunk as Twilight planted her hoof in her face. “It’s so obvious!”

Lyra frowned. “It’s been staring us in the face this whole time.”

“How could we have missed that!?” Lero boggled.

They looked at each other and said it together.

“Parties!”

Author's Note

CROSSWORD SOLUTIONS
'Tannic and Boric' = ACIDS
'Final stanza in a poem' = ENVOI
'Tree that yields chocolate substitute' = CAROB

…Any suggestions for whose party it should be, folks?

P.S. - I'm also working on the next Ask The Swapped. Don't think that I've ignored it!