Lero's heart immediately went out for Rainbow; the dark circles under her eyes, the worry lines and the weary panting. While she never took much care of her mane, it now looked even worse, which was quite an accomplishment; all frizzed and frazzled, as if she hadn't bothered with even the most cursory efforts to care for it.

A brief moment of relief passed through Rainbow Dash's expression as she spotted Twilight and Lero. "Hey, guys!" Then a second thought crossed her mind, and a moment of panic flashed across her eyes, "Y-you aren't here about some sort of critter problem, are you?"

Lero recognized what was worrying her: It had been Fluttershy's job to handle any issues that arose with animals about Ponyville. Often, this meant treating injured animals, or acting like a pet matchmaker when a pony decided they wanted a pet. Other times, it meant acting as a negotiator whenever pony and animal interests conflicted, such as that recent time when a family of beavers had flooded a portion of Sweet Apple Acres.

He'd seen Pinkie's manic frustration at her inability to farm, Fluttershy's desperate, almost insane efforts to make people laugh, Rarity's confused consternation at people's dislike of her weather, and Applejack's quiet desperation about her inability to style. Each moment he bore witness to his friends’ pain was like a nail in the heart, but seeing Rainbow's near-terror at the thought of having to do more work with critters made him want to hug her again... but knowing how that would go, Lero managed to resist.

Thankfully, Twilight stepped in and filled the awkward silence. "No!” she said, hurriedly. "No, not at all."

Rainbow relaxed. "Oh, thank goodness." She bowed her head in relief, before looking back up. "So why are you here?"

“Lero just wanted to come by and thank you for coming to visit him last night, and apologize for leaving early. He was tired.”

Lero managed to grit his teeth, and give another pantomiming performance of thanks.

Rainbow was at least polite, (or disinterested) enough not to comment upon his voice, like the others had. "Oh, no worries, dude, I pretty much slept through most of it mys..." There's a sudden loud crash behind her. "Oh no!" Rainbow said, ducking back inside in such a rush that she left the door ajar behind her.

As the loud noises continued, Twilight pushed the door open the rest of the way and let herself in. "What in Equestria is going on in here!?" She asked, Lero following close behind her.

Bedlam. That's the only word that could describe the scene that unfolds before him; he immediately recognized Fluttershy's animals, but rather than the friendly well behaved creatures he'd come to know from the times he visited her, they were rampaging about like...

...well, wild animals.

Twilight had to duck as a colorful flock of birds tried to dive-bomb her, screeching loudly. Lero very nearly blew his ruse of voicelessness as a mongoose bit down on his ankle. He managed to pull away with a loud exhale, and booted the creature across the room, where it landed on a couch with a thump. He swore it stuck its tongue out at him before scampering away.

"Rainbow Dash, can't you get them under control!?" Twilight asked, having to raise a shield to block more aerial attacks.

"No!” the pegasus growled in frustration, attacked by a toothless alligator, which she yanked off and tossed into a cage. Gummy!? Lero’s mind boggled: apparently, more had changed than he'd thought.

"These animals don't listen to me at all!"

"Fine, then we'll help!" Twilight said, attempting to catch some of the animals in telekinetic bubbles.

"Ugh, don't bother... it's useless, they'll be just as crazy after you're gone." Rainbow replied, attempting to catch a fleeing bird.

"Useless! Crazy!" spouted a blue parrot perched up high on a curtain rod. While his words were a perfect mimicry of the words Rainbow just used, Lero could almost swear from the bird’s tone that they were invectives flung at her.

"Ugh, shut up, Jabbers!" Rainbow shouted back at the parrot. Ironically, seeing her so angry right now reminded Lero painfully of the wonderfully brash pegasus he knew who... but that moment came crashing to the ground, literally, as the blue parrot leaned over and viciously bit one of Rainbow’s wings. Lero knew that pegasus wings were tough enough for that not to injure...

"Arg!"

...but it had still been enough to unbalance Dash and cause her to crash to the ground. Then Lero noted Angel Bunny directing a group of shady-looking iguanas, motioning them to tip over a cabinet, right on top of Dash! He sprinted over just in time to catch it with his hands.

"Ugh, man, thanks, dude..." Rainbow started before the cabinet doors gave way under the weight of it tilted contents, and dumped them out all over her.

"Alright, that's ENOUGH." Twilight practically growled. Suddenly the animals were all suddenly levitating in the air in her lavender telekinetic aura, those who were by cages were summarily caged, and those that weren’t were left levitating in the air, struggling fruitlessly. Lero let go of the cabinet as it magically slide back into place, its contents following.

Clearly, Twilight had reached her limit with 'just observe.' Lero felt a jolt of sympathy for her, this had to be just as hard — if not more so — for Twlight. She loved the pegasus, too. No doubt she held herself entirely responsible for the mess.

"Careful not to hurt them." Dash begged, rubbing her head as she emerged out from under the debris.

"They'll be fine, I mastered levitating multiple living creatures with you, not long ago, remember?"

"Oh, oh, yeah, right, almost forgot about that." Rainbow nodded tiredly.

"Now, come on, sit down, take a rest for a moment. and... try to ignore them." Twilight said, indicating the creatures who still struggled and squawked loudly.

"Idiot! Fool!" Jabbers added helpfully, as Angel Bunny blew a raspberry at them.

"Thanks." Rainbow Dash plopped down on the couch, practically burying her face in a cushion. Twilight sat next to her, Lero cautiously taking a seat on her other side.

"So... How have you been? You look... tired."

"Man, tell me about it! I don't know how I even managed before. If they're not yowling and howling to the point I can't sleep, they're up to some mischief that keeps me up... or I'm so worried about what they up to I can't catch a wink!" She raised a hoof up in frustration, letting it come back down to the couch with a thump at the last point.

"...Dash, when was the last time you slept?" Twilight said, a note of worry creeping into her voice, mirroring Lero's own feelings that gripped his heart.

"Uhm." She brought her head up, staring at them blankly, blearily. "Not counting the nap at the party...?" she trailed off a moment, staring at the middle distance. "Since before you came down here asking about Lero when he went missing.”

Lero couldn't hide his sharp intake of breath. That was days now. How was she able to handle this?! Before Rainbow could organize her thoughts enough to ask about his reaction, Twilight interjected.

"You were awake the whole time!? How's that even possible? I mean- I barely saw you in Ponyville then, how could you fill that much time?"

"Oh... you know. Takin' care of my adorable animal friends. It's m'job." She gave a blatantly fake smile, as she gestured about at them. Her bleary false levity clawed at Lero. He wanted to hug her, he wanted to tell her it would be okay... but he knew there was no point. It would be useless, just as Jabbers the Parrot was squawked repeatedly above their heads. "I don't even really go into town anymore, except when I absolutely have to. To buy pet food and such."

There was a loud CRACK, the three of them looking around for it's source before Lero realized his grip on the armrest of the wooden couch had gotten so tight that the wood had cracked along a seam. Huh, he hadn't even realized he'd gotten a hold of it.

"Lero, what..." Rainbow started before being interrupted by a loud "OW!" from Twilight as a hidden squirrel successfully pelted her on the horn with an acorn, causing her to lose focus. All the animals came crashing back to the ground. Rainbow jumped up in a panic, attempting to corral them again. "Just go, guys, we're not going to have much more conversation in this ruckus!" She said, the edge audible in her voice.

"But..." Twilight started.

"It's what I gotta do!" Rainbow responded before the tumultuous din became too loud to hear over. Twilight looked up to Lero, who could only mirror her mixture of horror and distress. With that, the unicorn mercifully herded him out the door.

* * *

Twilight and Lero had returned home, and now sat in the Elements of Harmony wing of the library. The unicorn had poured them both cups of green tea. Twilight took just small sips of her own, while Lero only held the warm cup in his hands, like a man who’d stumbled in from a snowstorm.

“Why are they all so bad at their jobs?” he spoke at last.

Twilight set her teacup on the end table between them. “Well, I can’t say with absolute certainty, but I think I can manage a decent guess. It’s because they had no experience with the jobs that their new cutie marks are insisting that they’re passionate about, that they’re talented at, that they’re experts at!” The unicorn laughed humorlessly. “Did you know that Fluttershy was highly talented at sewing, in addition to being good with animals? It’s true! She sewed a dress for Rarity once; Rarity’s DREAM dress! And Rarity wore that dress proudly to the Grand Galloping Gala! Why, I have no doubt in my mind that if SHE’D been the one swapped into being the dressmaker, instead of Applejack, Fluttershy would've gotten along as nicely as peanut butter and jelly!”

“But the marks gave them all these memories!” Lero insisted. “False memories, yeah, but... why couldn’t Applejack just... tap into ‘her’ memories of learning how to sew? Learning what was fashionable and what wasn’t?”

Twilight Sparkle shook her head. “Imagine that you had this affliction yourself, Lero. Let’s pretend that you were swapped with... oh... a bodybuilder. A stallion who could lift 500-pound barbells every day. There you are, at the gym, compelled to lift these steel monstrosities. You memories insist you've been weightlifting for years... your heart insists you LOVE doing it! It’s your calling in life! It shouldn't be impossible! So you keep straining, obsessively, to lift that 500-pound barbell, hour after hour, week after week, until one day, you tear your own musculature to shreds and your spine snaps in two! That’s where all my friends are now. Destroying themselves slowly. And it’s all my fault... for casting that damnable spell...”

She began weeping into her tea. “So... so there’s a world of difference be... between watching movies of weightlifters and actually l...lifting weights...”

Lero stared into the surface of his beverage as Twilight hiccuped and sobbed. He knew he should comfort her, but he just felt... empty after seeing Rainbow like that. Any effort to console her would be as empty as he felt. “And what was that all about, with Sweetie Belle thinking she and Applejack were sisters... and Apple Bloom and Pinkie Pie, too...?” He asked.

“Could be some kind of... trickle-down splash effect of the new memories.” Twilight chugged her tea down in one steamy gulp, and poured herself a new cup. “I don’t know for sure. Actually, Lero, that was one of the big reasons why I asked you to stay silent when we were out on our stroll. No one else remembers the real version of reality anymore... you can’t bring Applejack to Rarity's parents and say, ‘This mare isn't your daughter! Back me up on this! Talk some sense into her!’ I had to learn that the hard way. In fact, I made a royal jackass of myself, all around town, those first few days.”

She laughed another of those unfunny laughs again. “I remember talking to this one stallion, a complete stranger, who INSISTED that he saw me and Rarity at a fancy restaurant a small while ago, having a romantic lunch together... a lunch which never actually happened, of course. Claims he was sitting at the table next to ours. Lero, you should have heard the conviction in his voice! How detailed his story was! Apparently, we could barely keep our lips apart for five minutes running.”

“But MY memories weren't changed,” Lero reminded her. “Yours weren't. Spike’s weren't. And Lyra’s weren't.”

“Princess Celestia’s memories weren't changed, either.” She left the room briefly and returned with a letter. “I wrote her a letter describing everything and asked her for help. Here’s what she wrote back,”

My Dearest Twilight Sparkle,

My heart goes out to you and your friends. All I can tell you is to not lose hope. I have unflinching, unwavering confidence that you will be the one to set your friends back on the right path. Have faith in your abilities, for you have already made so many incredible achievements, my faithful student. Above all else, stay kind to your friends. Though so much of their very souls and memories now lies scattered in jumbled disarray, I know in my heart of hearts, that they all still remain your truest friends. Therefore, the most important thing of all hasn't changed.

All of them love you, and none of them will have forgotten what a truehearted and exemplary friend you've been to them all, since the day the six of you met. Do not give up on them. Be there for them, for they are all suffering, and have no idea how to help themselves. They will all need every last friend they can still cling to, that won’t abandon them when they are at their worst. Be a pillar of strength for all your loved ones.

Last of all; know that this calamity was not truly your fault.

Your Proud and Loving Teacher,

Princess Celestia

“Well, she was certainly helpful, wasn't she?” said Lero, handing the letter back to the unicorn.

Twilight gave Lero a helpless look. “If you’re going to ask me WHY we were all spared from memory alteration... I just don’t have an answer. Not enough information.”

His tea was now cooling, and he finally began to drink it. “What hurts me most is how Rainbow Dash has completely forgotten me.”

“I know,” said Twilight. “But strictly speaking, Dash hasn't forgotten who you are. She does know you, and she’s still your friend... but now, it’s only to the same extent that Fluttershy was your friend.”

“And now I feel stupid for not having formed a much closer bond with Fluttershy.” Lero looked back at his tea, pondering whether Twilight could turn it to whiskey, and if so, would she? “So then... if Rainbow now thinks of me like Fluttershy did, Rarity now thinks of me the way Dash did? She really thinks she IS Dash, through and through?”

"You’ve seen how she is. Rarity’s aware her name is Rarity, not Rainbow Dash. She knows that she’s a unicorn, not a pegasus. But in almost all other respects, Rarity’s convinced that Rainbow Dash’s life is actually her own.”

“Is she aiming to be a Wonderbolt like Dash was?”

Twilight shrugged. “I dunno. We should ask her. But that’d be a real trick for a unicorn to pull off. From what I’ve seen, certain elements of their personalities can get 'lost in translation.' It’s never a perfect crossover exchange.”

Lero rose. “I’m done. I can’t think of anything else to say right now. Maybe later.”

“Maybe,” Twilight agreed. “Thank you for being so cooperative, Lero. As I promised, you now have my permission to say whatever you want to say to whomever, from this point on. I just wanted you to be fully informed.”

When the human left the room, Twilight Sparkle went over to one of the shelves, and pulled out ten thick books. Sitting herself in one of the chairs, she opened the first book in her stack: Mark Of Destiny by Raison D'être, and began to read.

A thunderous clatter startled the unicorn, as though one of the creatures from Rainbow Dash’s cottage had invaded their home, and was tearing the place apart. Twilight heard doors and drawers being flung open violently, and things on shelves and countertops being noisily swept off.

Twilight squeezed her eyes and covered her ears. She would ignore it. Lero just needed to vent his frustration. She’d let him, and they’d clean up whatever mess he made later. Then the clamor stopped. Twilight opened an eye and saw Lero marching past the door, a huge garbage bag slung across his back, bulging with who-knew-what.

“Lero? Are you alright?” she called, after him.

“I’m fine,” he told her. “I really am fine. I know what to do.”

She followed after him down the stairs. “What are you throwing out? Garbage day isn't until Wednesday!”

“This isn't garbage!” he shot back, and left the house.

* * *

The was a loud knock on the door, causing the creatures to start up another round of cacophony.

"Dang it all!" Dash opened the door. "What." She asked, flatly. She blinked in confusion, seeing Lero with a large bag over his shoulder, with a look of absolute determination on his face.

"Uh, Hey, Lero, what're you doing here aga..."

"Can I come in?" He said brusquely.

Startled, she blinked. "Uh, sure, dude, come on in." She stepped back letting him inside. He strode purposefully after, carrying enough presence that the animals quieted down. Or perhaps they were tired enough from their antics to minimize their shenanigans for the moment. Either way, they walked them closely.

"Wait, weren't you not able to talk...?"

"Twilight figured out a way to fix it." He figured that the truth, stripped of details, it would be the simplest without bringing up unnecessary discussion.

She plopped down in the center of the room. "Alright. What's going on?"

He knelt in front of her, opening the bag. "I have to show you these." He rummaged around. "I know what I'm going to say here won't make much sense... but I'm asking you to please give me the benefit of the doubt."

She tilted her head. "Yeah I've... gotten that these past couple of days. What's wrong, dude?"

He pulls out a Wonderbolt costume. "This is yours. You told me you had Rarity make it in darker colors to look like an evil version of the wonderbolts. You went around nightmare night on a thundercloud, scaring people with lightning strikes. Afterwards, you decided you liked it so much you had Rarity alter the colors to look genuine. You put it on and pose in it when you think no one's looking." He gave her a small smile, looking in her eyes for a hint, even a glimmer of recognition.

All he saw was confusion. "Lero... I... What are you talking about? I stay home on Nightmare Night. and why would I dress up like the Wonderbolts? I mean... they're cool, but I'm not that much of fan or anything."

Lero let out a sigh. This wasn't going how he'd hoped. Maybe it just needed a bit more of a push... "Please, stay with me here. I'm getting to a point." He pulled out the next item, another uniform: a Wonderbolt training uniform.

"This is yours, too. It's tailored to fit if you want to try it. You were so excited when you got into Wonderbolts- even though it hurt us all to be apart from you so long, we all knew it was something you really wanted, and it'd be worse to hold you back- but you told us you almost gave it up yourself, you were concerned that some of their policies were reckless and putting innocent ponies at risk. But they were so swayed by your determination and forthrightness that they changed their policies because of it."

He looked at her as he told the story- hoping his honesty and earnestness would reach her. Instead, as she looked over the outfit — she checked its measurements to humor him - and found they were dead on. She looked up at him with alarm. "Lero, this is getting creepy. What's going on!?"

No recognition. Just worry and fear.

"Please. Believe me. I'm not trying to trick you. Just hear me out." He looked at her pleadingly. She sighed, putting aside the uniform. "Alright. But you're weirding me out. You're getting all crazy like Twilight was a couple days back."

He didn't reply to that, just handed her an ID card, and a ream of paperwork. The ID listed her as Head Weathermare of Ponyville, and the paperwork were lists of weather schedules, plans and dates. "You told me you first came here as a weathermare for Ponyville. You told me you used to laze about all day, then use your speed to rush through your work in seconds, flat. But you eventually realized that doing your job well was more important than just fast, and that working with your fellow weatherponies was more important than showing them up. You worked hard at your job, and were proud of your work- it eventually lead you to being assigned to Head Weathermare, which you're rightly proud of... even if you hate the paperwork."

Silence. "...Lero? Why would you forge my name on these? I'm not part of the weather team." There was a tremor in her voice.

He let out a sigh of frustration. "Rainbow, it's your mouth-writing!"

"Lero, this isn't funny!" She snapped back.

"...No, it's not. But, hold on, there's just two more things." How could this be happening? She was seeing her own writing, but was blaming him for it... well, time for something she couldn't contradict.

He pulled out a newspaper clipping, showing it to her. The Headline read "BEST YOUNG FLYER CROWNED!"

"You told me about this, it was your proudest moment: You not only won the Best Young Flyer's competition, Pulled off the Sonic Rainbow, not only met your Idols, the Wonderbolts, but saved their lives, and were honored by Celestia for it. But you told me the most important thing was that you saved Rarity. When your friend needed you the most, plummeting to her certain death, you were there. You could do it. You could pull out the stops and save her."

He let the silence hang in the air. "That's... a really cool story, Lero, but... That's not how it went at all. I was there, in the crowd, between Twlight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie. Applejack won, because everyone was amazed by those wings Twilight gave her, and how graceful and beautiful she was."

Lero stared at her, his jaw dropping in shock for a second, before recovering, showing it into her hooves. "Read it to me!" He insisted.

"Lero, this joke is going too far..."

"Rainbow... if my friendship ever meant anything at all to you... please do this for me." Rainbow frowned, hearing the desperation in his voice.

"...Alright." She looks down over it, and started to read. "This year's Best Young Flyer was a complete upset, as a Dark Horse contestant, Applejack, a young earth pony from Ponyville wowed the crowds with her magically created wings- however, the victory was not earned merely by artificial means, her natural beauty, flawless sense of style, and graceful movements won the hearts of the judges- and yes, even that of our beloved Ruler Celest-"

Lero snatched the article back, mid-sentence, reading over it furiously to make sure he wasn't going insane. "Unbelievable showing... Legendary Sonic Rainboom... amazing rescue-" He lowered the article and at stared at her. "...Rainbow. Is what you read to me what you really saw in this this article?"

"...Lero, are you still sick? You just got back from the hospital and..."

"Answer me!" he insisted.

Rainbows ears snapped back at his desperate shout so hard that her equine body language would have been blindingly obvious even if he hadn't spent years studying it. She was somewhere between angry and frightened.

"Yes." She said through gritted teeth.

He stared at her for several seconds. He finally pulled out what he thought was going to be his trump card, but now was his last, desperate hope.

He held up a photo to her. It was the two of them, in an embrace, kissing each other deeply. He remembered the moment, months ago, when Twilight snuck up and took a picture before they could react. At the time, they'd been annoyed, but after seeing it developed, it'd become one of their favorites.

"Rainbow. This is a picture of us, together. It's just from a few months ago."

"...Lero, that's a picture of you and Rarity together." She said slowly, carefully, as if to a person you were afraid was about to crack any moment, and possibly do something dangerous.

Lero finally exploded in frustration. “DO YOU SEE A UNICORN HORN HERE?! POINT TO IT! SHOW ME WHERE IT IS ON THE PHOTO!!! SHOW ME WHERE YOU SEE IT!!!” there was no anger in his voice, just the frustration and anxiety of a desperate man.

"L-Lero, you're scaring me!" Rainbow Dash leaned away from him after his outburst- however, he didn't seem to notice, throwing down the photo and standing up, stalking about the room, gesticulating and ranting like a man possessed. The animals yelping and hollering along with him, making a terrifying amount of noise. Lero shouted louder to be heard.

"Don't you get it!? None of this is right! Everything's wrong! All of your cutie marks were switched around, and your memories with it! You weren't ever good with animals! Fluttershy was! This is her home, not yours! You were the lead weathermare! You were in love with me, not Rarity! We've been a couple for years! We love each other with all our hearts, and we can never get enough of each other, and we made love nearly every single day!" The words exploded out of him in a torrent, as if desperately hoping that saying them would make them real again. "Please, please, please, PLEASE, Just SNAP OUT OF IT, LEAVE THIS HORRIBLE PLACE AND COME HOME WITH ME!" He rushed over to her, hugging the startled pegasus as hard as he could.

Lero wondered for a fraction of a second how he became airborne.

That moment end he slammed backwards over an end table, crashing to the ground. At that point his brain caught up with the situation, and informed him of the intense pain in his chest, mostly likely caused by a Pegasus bucking him as hard as she could.

He scrambled to his feet, catching a flash of prismatic colors vanishing upstairs as she fled. Lero sprinted after, only to find the bedroom door slammed in his face and audibly locked. "RAINBOW DASH!" He pounded on the door. "LET ME IN!" He begged, tears starting to stream down his cheeks.

"You're sick, Lero!" came the reply, the terror and worry in her voice hitting him almost like a smack in the face. "You need to get help! Go away and leave me alone!"

Lero slumped his shoulders, defeated. Truth, logic, evidence... not even the desperate pleadings of a heartbroken man were a match for the magic of this spell. If this was the power of the incomplete spell, he dreaded the horrors of what it might be capable of if it were ever finished.

"Rainbow Dash?" He said to the door, trying to keep his voice from trembling. "I'm sorry. When I came back from the hospital, there were some things I was sure were true. I guess they're not." His voice cracked at the last word, the house damnably silent except for the animals downstairs. A pathetic excuse, but he had to start somewhere. "I won't bother you about this again." There was no response. He stood there silently for several moments, trying to think of something, anything else to say. But then he realized there was nothing to say: his words to her would be as empty of meaning as his heart felt at that moment.

Without another word, he turned and left.

As he walked out into the main room, he gathered up the scattered items, returning them back to the bag he had brought them in, the animals peering at him, silent except for Jabbers who provided a scornful "Fool." to the proceedings. He left without even acknowledging it.

Outside, he paused, looking down at the trash bag. They weren't his things. Or Rarity's. Or even Dash's anymore. They were just the detritus of a life that didn't exist anymore. He tossed it aside, leaving it in her yard.

Lero was now pretty sure he knew what hell was: It was seeing those you loved in pain and not being able to do anything to help. As he walked away, he realized what he needed to do next.

* * *

The patrons of Sugar Cube Corner turned as the door slammed open, banging hard against the wall. In staggered Bellerophon Michaelides, his head tilted upward, lips closed around the neck of a brown beer bottle. It was one of twelve such bottles Lero had bought, not ten minutes ago. He toted his bottles in two cardboard six-packs carriers. Both of the carriers hung around the fingers of in his other hand.

This was his tenth bottle. You didn’t even need a fancy bottle opener to open it; the bottle caps here were all easy twist-offs. He chugged the booze down like a car chugged gasoline. God, he missed cars.

His eyes swam around the bakery, taking in every startled, unsure pony there, as he returned the empty bottle to its carrier. He wasn't seeing the pony he was looking for.

“CAAAAAAAAKE!” he called out, unnecessarily loud. “CAAAAAAAKE!”

“A-are you looking for a pony or one of our desserts?” Lero overbalanced a bit as he pivoted around. As he slowly tilted back upright, he saw the whole Cake family was here: both the parents and their two kids. Pumpkin and Pound were crawling around on the store floor, minded by their mother.

Of course, there was another mare, who was practically family of the Cakes', absent... in more ways that one.

He drew out one of the unopened beer bottles and pointed it at Mr. Cake the way a drunken wizard would point his wand. “You! The one ‘n the funny hat! Where’s... where’s Shudderpie? Pinkyflut? Y’know who ‘m talkin’ about. That lovely little comedienne a’yours.”

“We let Fluttershy off work early, sir,” answered Mr. Cake.

“Awwwww, phooey.” His butt hit the chair like a dropped sack of potatoes. “She’s... she’s comic gold, she is. I was hoping she could give me somethin’ ta laugh at. Somethin’ that’s not my... my shelf... hahahaha.”

“I think you probably want to go home, Mr. Lero, sir. This is a family establishment, and you’re drunk.” Mr. Cake said firmly, moving forward between Lero and his family.

“Drunk?! DRUNK?!” Both his hands banged down hard upon the table as he rose to a stand. “Is THAT what I am? Is that what I look like to you?! You don’t know what I am! Nobody knows what ANYONE is anymore!”

“I think I know a drunkard when I see one. This is a bakery, not a tavern.” Lero felt something soft brush against his ankle. He looked down to see Pound Cake, giggling and reaching upward with his forehooves, as if asking to be picked up. Smiling tenderly, Lero bent to do just that, but Mrs. Cake was too quick, dashing over and grabbing her son up by the diaper, and then retreating to a safer distance behind her husband.

The human sat back down gently. “Let me ask you something, Mr. Cake... if that really IS your name... those two adorable little foals of yours... are your kids really YOUR kids?”

Although the Earth pony didn’t expose any teeth, Lero could tell they were clenched tight behind his lips. “I don’t think I like what you’re insinuating, sir,” he warned him dangerously.

The human continued on, not even really registering what the baker had said. “Well, I’m just saying, mighty weird that a pegasus and a unicorn would be born to a pair of Earth ponies...”

Now Mr. Cake did show teeth, lowering himself into a battle stance. “You have ‘til the count of five to apologize to me and my wife! One! Two...!”

It took him the two seconds to realize the more obvious interpretation of what he was asking. “Wha... No, no, no, I apologize, I apologize! Not what I meant, not what I meant.” Lero held up his arms placatingly, waving them dismissively. “I wasn’t even suggesting your wife was... unfaithless, or whatever. I’m just suggesting that... maybe one day, you went to the daycare and took someone else’s kids home. And those other kids’ parents... they took your REAL kids to THEIR place, cause you and they didn’t know any better.”

“Why would we do a thing like that?!” Mrs. Cake asked. All the customers were quietly edging towards the door.

“Because: MAAAAAAAAaaaagic!” he said, gesturing grandiosely with the hand holding his beer. "Some sort of kooky spell cast on you."

Mr. Cake’s jaw dropped. “A spell?”

“A spell.” The human grabbed Beer #11, and twisted off the twist-off, then held it up, staring at the pony though the brown glass. “I’ve SEEN things today, buddy. I’ve watched two little fillies treat their older sisters... their own FLESH AND BLOOD, like distant neighbors!” He finally finished contemplating the beer, and downed the bottle like a pro. Mmm... you could always count on Foamy Lager to deliver the good stuff. “The mare I loved... we were together for years and she dumped me! DUMPED ME! But that’s not even the worst bit. Dash had plans. Big plans. She was gonna be a Wonderbolt! And she threw it all away, all her lifelong hopes and dreams, threw ME away, to shut herself up in a cottage at the edge of town with animals!”

Had he been a human, himself, Mr. Cake would have thrown up his arms. “You’re not making any sense!”

Lero pulled out his last unopened bottle, gripping it by the cap. Dangling it in his fingers, he twisted it back and forth, debating whether to hold off on drinking it.

“Can you answer a question? What’s the name of the mare who’s your employee?”

“Fluttershy! You saw her yourself!”

“Since when? For how long?!”

“Since she was a young teenager!”

The ends of Lero’s mouth lifted in an acid smirk. He took out his wallet, then showed the baker a picture of him and Rainbow Dash.

“And this mare that’s next to me in the picture... can you tell me what TYPE of pony she is?”

“Yes! That’s a unicorn, sir! It's your marefriend, Rarity!”

Like a doomed, damned man, Lero guffawed uproariously, an obnoxious and wretched shriek of a laugh, slapping his knee many times with the flat of his hand.

“You too, huh? You poor sap. You don’t even know who your EMPLOYEES are! Hell, she's practically your adopted daughter, and you can't tell her from the bashful animal lover! Are you sure your wife’s really your wife? For all you know, you could actually be married to CELESTIA, HERSELF, wouldn't that be a hoot? Are you sure your life’s really YOUR life? Or are you living someone else’s?”

Mr. Cake reared up, planting his forehooves hard upon the tabletop, eyes blazing. “I’m not gonna warn you again; leave now, or I will call the cops on you, you insane lunatic!”

“Me?! A lunatic?! Cake, you’re a genius!” Lero stood up, spread his arms as wide as he could stretch them out, and span around in a slow circle. “I WANT TO BE A LUNATIC!” He screamed at the top of his lungs. “I WANT TO BE THE NUTTIEST FRUITCAKE ON THE FUNNY FARM! INSANITY’S THE ONLY WAY ALL THIS WILL EVER MAKE SENSE!”

“Oh, but what fun is there in making sense?”

All the ponies in Sugar Cube Corner stopped moving. Literally. Not in that they froze up: they were paused. As though someone had pointed a remote control at a video. Incredulously, Lero walked up to Mr. Cake and touched his right eyeball very delicately. It felt like a plastic statue’s eye. Behind him, Lero heard the noise of many small, solid objects being shaken out of a container. He turned around.

A goat horn and a deer antler atop a goat-like head. Yellow scleras and red pupils. Bushy white eyebrows and beard. A lion paw, an eagle claw, legs of a lizard and goat. A bat’s right wing, a pegasus’ left, a dragon-like, snaky tail.

A being as unique, as one-of-a-kind to Equestria as Lero, himself.

The amalgamation of animals had his arms around a pilsner glass as big as a wine barrel. It was filled with golf balls and he was shaking them happily into his mouth, stopping to chew every few moments.

"Mmmm! Shame you seem to be shaping up to be one of those, mournful, buzzkilling, philosophizing drunks," he said between chews. "And here I was hoping you'd be a funny boozer. Ah, well."

“You’re that Chaos Guy,” Was the most coherent reply the human could manage.

The chimera took a suave bow. “My reputation precedes me.”

It did indeed. Lero had never encountered Discord himself before today: his escape from stone and forceful return to it predated Lero's own arrival in Equestria. And as for his more recent 'Reformation,' Twilight and Rainbow had insisted he and Lyra stay well away from him, as it was "Elements business." The only bit Lero had witnessed firsthand was Fluttershy's cottage floating high in the sky, spinning about, visible from a great distance away. There were also all the stories he'd heard, from all his herdmates, and other friends and neighbors. He was glad to not be part of that mess.

But now the mess was staring him in the face.

“What’s with the death glare, old boy?”

Lero grabbed one of his empty bottles, clutching its neck almost in a death-grip. “You did this. You’re responsible for all this madness. You HAVE to be!”

Discord gave a mocking show of being hurt. "What? Little old me? Your life filled with pain and chaos, and I'm the first person you blame? I'm..." He mood shifted startlingly fast to a pleased one, almost as if his facial features somehow didn't move the distance needed to properly move between states. "...Flattered, really!" He sighed. "Sadly, I can't take full credit. And honestly, if I'd been the one to come up with the whole 'Cutie Mark Swap' thing, I'd have probably made it more... widespread." He rubbed his chin. "Oh! Not just widespread — contagious! Imagine that, a plague of cutie mark craziness! Wouldn't that have been fun!?" He chortled, rocking in glee. Or maybe he was standing still while the world rocked about him. Lero wasn't sure if that was his doing or the booze at this point, not that it mattered. Lero broke his beer bottle against a wall: its bottom end now had quite a number of sharp points.

"Oh, please. Angry at the nigh-omnipotent godlike entity, and your first response is physical violence? No wonder you and Miss Dash got along so well. Oh, sorry, used to get along." he said, with only the barest veneer of apology.

With a primal scream of fury, Lero charged the draconequus and stabbed him deep in what he hoped would be his kidney.

A humannequin arm shot out of Discord’s torso and seized Lero’s left shoulder. Another humannequin arm shot out, and grabbed a wrist. Then came MORE arms; the arms of primates. A chimpanzee, a gorilla, a gibbon, an orangutan, an aye-aye, grabbing every portion of his body that fingers could close around.

"No more of that, Mr. Monkeyshines. We have business."

The arms pulled Lero into the draconequus’ body. The human sunk inside as though Discord were made of quicksand... screaming all the way in.

Author's Note

First: I'd like for everyone to stand up and give a great a great big round of applause to Rikmach, who helped write so much of this chapter. He's a truly terrific guy and I'm thankful to have him helping me with this, my very first fanfic ever. Thank you for being there for me, buddy. Folks, he might just be staying with me all the rest of the way on this story. If so, I'm truly blessed.

Second: Please keep this in mind, my friends: Lero is a problem solver. And we're still quite a long way away from Divided Rainbow's epilogue.

I look forward to seeing you all in the next chapter. It's going to be rather... chaotic.

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