Chapters Rainbow Dash's memories: "The story of seduction"
Can anypony explain to me why the heck I even paid attention to her? Probably not. No wonder; I have no idea myself. And the main thing - the title I deserve the least - pony who roots for the underdog. On the contrary - there is no time to relax away from the crowds of fans of all genders, sizes, shapes and colors that are literally swarming around me in great abundance. Sometimes their numbers become critical, which is threatening to the town’s movement.
By the way, maybe this is one of the reasons why I became interested in her during our first meeting.
I went about my business, not touching anyone (although for many it would be the fulfillment of all dreams for the year ahead), as suddenly someone bumps into me from the side. And so strong - I even thought that a bull decided to ram me.
Well, I turned around with a stare in my eye that would frighten even a manticore. I was going to give a tongue-lashing to this... purple unicorn of quite modest size? I feel with my sciatic nerve that this will be one of the greatest mysteries of this century; how this frail miracle of nature has managed to possess enough energy to push me so hard.
But it's all nothing compared to what happened next. The creature casted upon me a gaze of a student who hadn’t slept for three days, who had just passed the exam and, on this occasion, being in some kind of trance, then picked up the fallen book, muttered something like "sorry" and, as if nothing had happened, stomped on.
Now I have to call the paramilitary unit pegasus with trained bloodhounds in order to find my jaw, which were driven away because of such a spectacle. Usually when I first meet with a pony, he becomes speechless, then absolutely mind-blown. And then they begin salivating profusely, while jumping around me like mountain goats, trying to attract attention with the very essence of puppy-dog enthusiasm.
For this one, though, it didn’t matter if it was the most cool and attractive pegasus in the country or a regular rock. Not gonna give even a single, lonely darn. I bet on my guitar, for which I hadn’t even paid a first month loan that she definitely have an official title from Celestia herself: “The Most Greedy pony in the history of Equestria.”
That's it! Now that my pride was mortally wounded and moaning softly for vindication, I just could not ignore such a flagrant violation of the fundamental law, which holds in all planes of existence - “Do not ignore Rainbow Dash!”
I quickly get up and run at the direction of that mare, who was still visible. My thought processes were faster than I imagined possible.
Coming closer to her, I finally managed to get a proper look at her. The unicorn generally did not care what was going on around her - she buried her face in her book so tightly that I could only guess how she had managed to breathe. Although she may be a special pony on a stand alone power, who knows… I wouldn’t be surprised even in this case.
Okay, I’ll start with her coat. It was purple and had evidence of something that reminded me of paper dust. Her tail and mane were dark blue, with two stripes of violet and pink colors.
And of course, she had a completely insane gaze which was casted hard to the literary work. I’ve never seen the eyes like her’s - an obsession would be visible even from a distance of a thousand miles.
What is most interesting thing - she just rushing ahead, like the small and multi colored copy of a rhino, and didn't’ even tries to pay attention to the other road users. Fear seemed to be completely unknown to this, small, frail pony. The instinct of self-preservation? Oh, right - that has something to do with the history, yes?
In general, wild appearance, the obsession with reading in extreme conditions and a complete lack of inhibitions - that's what can be said about this work of unknown parents.
Okay, no time to lose. I needed to act - I started acting out of character. That’s all because of this unicorn. She affected me very strangely.
“Hey, hi there! I’m Rainbow Dash.”
Silence.
No, of course I did not expect her to instantly swoon to from realizing the incredible luck of finding herself next to me... But she just had to respond to me! It wasn’t everyday that the most awesome and attractive mare in the world started talking to you. And she... didn’t even twitch an ear.
“And by the way, I forgive you for bumping into me.”
A stubborn pony who ignores my persona would soon give me an inferiority complex that would evolve into the deepest psychological wound of my entire life.
“What's your name?”
I'll have to use raw power, or this violaceous scoundrel will not even deign to put some effort in order to turn her smarty head into my direction.
A hoof bump into the shoulder might help: It was a miracle! Her eyes had come off of her book and she began to look around!. I have already been hoping, that the first time she looked at me, she just could not see me properly. So, the second time she will have realized her terrible mistake and immediately correct it ... yeah, right.
As before, her glance on me for indifference could compete with mine, when I look at the building of the library.
“What? I didn’t hear you. I was a bit distracted”
The most blatant understatement of the millennium. You were so busy reading that I wonder how you even managed to peel your eyes off the book.
“What's your name?!” I bellowed on the top of my lungs. I hoped the townspeople had insurance to cover the bills for repairing broken windows.
But she perceived the sonic boom with a force over hundred decibels aimed directly at her face as calmly as if she regularly went to heavy-metal rock concerts and always took a place alongside the stage.
“I’m Twilight Sparkle.”
Okay, at least some progress. It is necessary to once again introduce myself; I have no doubt that she has already forgot my name - if she ever heard it ...hey! *whistling* Where are you going?! I didn’t give you an order to leave! Stop right there!
“I’m Rainbow Dash. I bet you’ve heard about me, huh?”
She shook her head, not looking up from his precious reading material and not turning to me.
“No, never, sorry.”
And, taking advantage for the second in a row with my shock of realizing that, it appears, were primevals in the world who did not know me, she went into the sunset.
I remained sitting there, where this crazy mare uttered those outrageous words that established the incredible depth of her ethical fall in my eyes... although it is unlikely that it somehow concerned her, remembering her behavior.
Now I was much angrier than Celestia, who discovered a missing piece of her cake, which was prepared for the usual act of the royal devouring. I’ve never been so disgraced.
No. I will not allow anypony do that to me. Especially not some puny and nerdy egghead-bookish-basement unicorn.
And I decided that I had a brilliant idea on how to fix this nasty little thing...
Rainbow Dash's memories: "The story of seduction"
Sometimes even I’m surprised at what great thoughts my mind can offer me. And the main thing is - it was easy as can be.
All I needed to do - just locate Twilight’s hideout and then unload a whole set of my incredibly awesomeness and sexyness. She will beg to receive it from one glance of me, I'll make sure of it.
Well, after few contacts with my old partners and lovers, I found out that this unicorn with brain bibliophilia syndrome lived and worked in the Golden Oak - our local library. The whole situation starting to freak me out - it’s like giving a foal an unlimited access to a candy shop. But in addition, following Twilight’s puberty she’s very likely to become incredibly horny every time she enters the library, surrounded with the hundreds of books. I can play on it too, maybe. We’ll see.
On the next day, collected and confident of success, I headed to the library. I prepared my full arsenal of seductive phrases and actions to be unloaded without remote on the hapless pony, who insulted me with her outrageous indifference. Nopony even had a chance to stand against me, when I was using these means. On average, they were ready to jump into my bed after half of minute or so.
It’s a good thing that I knew the town as well as it was - I’ve never been in the library before. I don’t need it; In fact I wouldn’t read a book even under pain of death. The “Death before dishonor” principle fits me just fine.
Finally I reached the point of my destination. It was a huge tree-like house with a signboard, showing that it’s an actual library and just not a random house of some pony, who has an obsession with nature. Although... an addiction to the books might count too.
I hesitated near the door, before raising a hoof and gently knocking. Focus, Rainbow! She’s just a nerd who probably doesn’t even know where foals come from.
You can handle this.
Nodding to my thoughts, I took a deep breath and started to wait the answer. I’m glad there wasn’t some fancy house protection system, which many geeks love to add to their houses. I do not relish the prospect of cleaning my feathers and fur from various sticky things. Even kicking a flank of an idiot who made the thing do that to me would barely satisfy me. In the majority of cases, anyw...
Oh, Celestia, give me strength! What the buck is it?!
On the threshold of the library standing something, which only slightly reminded me of that unicorn. This “creature” had a huge domic-like thing with a bulbs and wares all over it on it’s head, a surface, from which I could barely recognize a purple coat, and absolutely wild stare of the bloodshot eyes with almost no signs of pupils. Her glance kinda reminded me the one from some colt, who was browsing dirty journals all night long. Only the addiction was stronger in hard times. I wondered if she could still see things...
I needed to say something. Her spooky appearance stunned me long enough as it is.
“Um... hi there... again. I’m Rain-”
I didn’t had a chance to continue the phrase. This victim of the insane vivisector backed away and yelled as if she was a manticora mortally wounded with a cucumber:
“Aah! A talking horse!”
W-what?..
Behind her I saw a small lizard-like creature with a scales and claws. A baby dragon.
That’s it. My sense, which allowed me to be surprised saluted and jumped out of the window.
In the meantime the new character in our play, worthy of the best loony bins of all of Equestria gave me an evaluating gaze and said to the still shaking unicorn:
“Twilight, did you forget again? You’re living in a country populated with talking horses.”
“Buck, living is so scary!”
I was kinda lost for a moment. What’s going on in here? Who are all these peop... poni... drag... whatever.
What the heck I’m doing here?!
Okay, pull yourself together, Dash! You have had worse... I hope.
“Em... so. I was passing by and decided to pay a visit, and... I’m here. Yeah.”
Clap-clap-clap. That was my subconscious applauded to me. Bravo, Dash - you screwed the things up even before a bed stage.
The unicorn finally recovered from the dreadful realisation and was able to perceive the reality more or less adequate. At least I counted on it.
“So you’re here, to take a book, right? Or do you want something different?”
“I... well, yeah. I would like to take something to read.”
She nodded and allowed me to come inside. I entered the library, already perceiving an indignant cry from my distressful pride. I’m sorry, okay?! But end justifies the means. We’re at the seduction war, where all ways are good, if it’s helping to defeat the enemy and forcing him to fall in my awesomeness. I promise, after I’ll pull this miscarriage creation of the nature in my bed, I’ll shave my head, shower with the ash and go to some monk’s clan to atone for the sins of crossing the threshold of the most forbidden building for me.
The library.
I expected to see anything. Literally anything. This unicorn cruelly executed my ability to wonder. But this...
Everything was in a perfect order. All books, scrolls and other Tartarean things were placed on the shells with a numbers on them. The floor was cleaned out so good as if it was licked by the bunch of ponies with the weird fetish of surface licking. Even the windows were shiny and transparent. Not like mine though, through which I can barely see the sun, only if I use my imagination on full strength.
“Well, what area of knowledge interests you the most? Geography, history, culture? Or maybe you’re looking for the adventure novels?” asked the unicorn, finally removing her mad scientist’s headdress, revealing the crow's nest that was her mane. Don’t get me wrong - I’m not a fashion maiden and my mane was messy as well, but... even I have some code about my appearance. She didn't have that at all.
I was trying to think of something. I needed to tell her a book’s title I wanted to distract her for a while and buy some time to remember my ways of pony seduction, which I successfully forgot during the recent scene.
“Maybe... the last one? An adventure book? Yeah, this is what I need. Gimme something like that.”
“How about Daring Do’s adventures? Many ponies these days like it”.
I nodded. Daring-Shmaring, whatever. Just leave already and allow me to come up with something dishy!
She did exactly that. I sighed with relief and mentally kicked my mind in order to force this lazy beast to work. I needed a clear, simple plan - straight like a path to insanity, which I will take if I’ll stay in the library for too long.
“Here you go. It’s the first book of the series. I’ll gladly give the second, when you finish it.” The unicorn returned, carrying a green-covered book in the magic embrace, on which was drawn a sand-coated pegasus with bandaged wings, holding on the rope.
I nodded again, immediately forgetting about the book. Time to act!
“So, as I heard yesterday, your name is Twilight, huh?” I started, showing her my best bedroom eyes. “A great name, I must admit. Reminds me of something really nice, if you know, what I mean...”
She blinked, obviously confused.
I continued, “You know... twilight, late evening, a candle, twosome...”
Now I was awarded with a glance of the sheep, staring at the zeppelin. Out of the corner of my eye I saw that baby dragon, laughing his scaly rear out. My patience, don’t leave me! At least not right now...
I decided to act more aggressive. I come closer to her, then took the most attractive pose I could and shook my hips a little. Anypony would have a cardiorrhexis from such a spectacle; but they’d die happy as could be.
But this frigid thing continued to play unconcern.
It's time to bring out the big guns. I leaned toward her and whispered directly in her ear. “You. Me. Date. Now.”
Finally I saw a spark of life in her eyes. She livened a little and suddenly stormed out.
I proudly looked around. Finally. Nopony could avoid Rainbow Dash’s awesomeness and sexyness! Nopo... ouch!
I jumped up to the air and remained there, holding my sensitive hoof, which had a fresh cut. Celestia’s butt, what the hay just happened?!
Under me was Twilight, holding some device in a magic grape, comparing to which an ancient tools for questioning looked like a kid’s toys.
“Whoops, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to cause you too much pain. I just took your blood sample to analyze it. You know - if we communicate in close way I want to make sure you have no infectious diseases which could affect me as well.”
Then I finally felt that I could not stand it anymore, and dashed off in a blink of the eye. I could barely hear the dragon’s remark: “Twilight, continue acting like this and you’ll die as an superannuated virgin.”
Baby my flank...
After some time I finally calmed down. In the end, that mare doesn’t seems like to have extreme sexual fetishes or something similar. Maybe I should return and...
No. Too dangerous. And anyway, I already saw that my tactics are futile. She didn’t get excited because of me. My seductive poses were for nothing.
It was darn hard to accept, but seems like I’m not interesting to her as a bed companion. She was asocial to even recognize something like this. Much less, accept it.
What should I do? I didn’t even want to think about giving up. Rainbow Dash never give up, even in a hopeless situation. But she could ask for a little help, if things were really messed up.
Of course! My friends! Faithful and devilishly cunning, they undoubtedly have something in the store which will conquer that insubordinate unicorn once and for all...
* * *
“Alright, well to start with you should definitely treat her like a real lady. Give her a full set; a gorgeous bouquet of roses, tell her flattering comments, ask her out to some glorious restaurant...”
“Ugh... can’t I just grab her and, ya know, *unf unf*?”
Rarity signed, “Only the grave will cure you, Rainbow Dash.”
* * *
“Well, maybe you should just tell her honestly how you feel?”
“Applejack, first of all; I have no feelings toward her. This is about a principle. And second; I tried to ask her out already. She took a blood sample from me so she could check if I had some stupid infectious diseases, or something!”
"Well... knowin' you, RD, Ah can't rightly say she ain't got a point."
“GRRR!”
* * *
“Um... but isn’t it... too insensitive, maybe?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well... trying to ask pony out just to... pull her to your bedroom...”
“It’s who I am, Fluttershy. And I like my way of life too much to change myself. Say rather, can you give me an advice?”
“Mmm... present her a pet?”
I facehoofed. Why did I even come here?
* * *
“Oh, I know! Let’s throw a party and invite her! It’ll be super-fun!”
“I’m not looking for fun, Pinkie. All I want is to seduce that stubborn unicorn, that’s all.”
“Then I’ll dress like a highwaypony and will threaten her, and in the most hopeless moment you will come and save her!”
“Uh...”
“WAIT! There’s a better opinion! I’ll bake a huge cake, and deliver it to her as a present from an anonymous admirer! And when she’s about to eat it, you'll jump out of it and tell that you were that mysterious admirer!”
“Hehe...Pinkie, I’m...”
“No! Even a better idea! You should take her to the air jaunt and show her everything from above! And when she becomes fascinated, you should give her a love confession!”
I quickly darted out.
* * *
...or not.
Seems like I’m on my own. But I’m not worrying at all. I’m Rainbow Dash - the pony, who literally emits amazing coolness and awesome sexyness! I’ll can handle it.
R-right?..
Rainbow Dash's memories: "The story of seduction"
Lying on the cloud and doing nothing? If you think it’s what I’m doing, then you’re fatally wrong. I’m actually doing two great things at once:
1) Getting relaxed from that terrible day, when my pride was crushed almost completely.
2) Making sinister plans, which will allow me finally seduce that unicorn, even though my efforts have been vain so far..
Sadly, but I can tell that only the first task proceeded as planned; the second one was stuck from the very beginning. I just had no idea how to conquer her. Not a single one.
I hate to admit it, but seems like my intentions are doomed...
“Excuse me,.. Lamebow? Yes, Lamebow!”
Huh? Interesting, who would have such a ridiculous name? I feel sorry for him; having parents, who are able to give a foal that kind of name... just sad.
“Eh.. no, not Lamebow... Rainbow? Yes, right. Rainbow!”
I looked down, confused. At the ground I saw... no, this is impossible...
I saw that unicorn! Twilight Sparkle!
Ha! I knew it! Nothing can beat my awesomeness! Even she was forced to subside to the Amazing and Sexy Rainbow Dash!
In order to show her, that I’m not really interested in her call, I waited a decent amount of time (about half of a second) and only after that darted out from the cloud.
“Yes? Do you need something, Twilight Sparkle?” My intonation was as neutral as can be. I could only hope that I can hold down all this squeaks and squeals of delight, which literally escaped from me.
She looked hesitated. Very hesitated as far as I could see. Interesting, what kind of thoughts are floating in her head? I bet it’ll be something like: Oh, this synchrophasotronic waves should create an annihilation reaction to that positrons!
Have no idea of meaning of this, anyway...
“Well, I’m... you see... yeah, that’s what...” She finally spoked.
“Uh-huh - very meaningful. Bravo. You know, now I’m in the abyss of doubts; if I’m worthy enough to stand next to the pony, who can tell so profound phrases.”
She looked at me with a suspicious glance, obviously trying to recognize, if I was mocking her. I made an innocent face to make sure that dummy will not get anything.
“Yes... well, anyway... I’m kind of... I would like to apologise, Rainbow Crash.”
“Rainbow Dash”, I gently corrected her with a cute smile, suppressing the wild desire to strangle her with her own guts. I hate that nickname.
She nodded, then opened a saddle bag and bring out a wrinkled green mess in a magic grip.
“Will you take this flowers as a sign of forgiveness? It’s kinda messy, though, but still.”
“Twilight” I started with a clenched teeth, trying to prevent myself from going to the dungeon for extremely brutal murder “Why did you bring those?”
“Well, all mares like flowers and... are you alright? You’re breathing kinda unhealthy.”
I’m okay, I’m okay. Just one tiny little thing - you’re still alive only because my wrath demands me panting like a pack of frazzle out dogs and I have almost no energy to do something else.
In the meantime, this clueless eggheadish jerk poked that vegetable jumble into my face, trying to show that she was sorry. Celestia, give me... actually, nevermind. I’ll handle this by myself.
I grabbed a “bouquet” with my mouth and quickly swallowed it, giving almost no chewing. Gosh, my stomach definitely will kill me by the end of the day...
Taking advantage on her shocked state, I quickly said:
“Yeah, so, that was cool and so on, but that’s just a start. Your insults was too heavy to cover all that moral anguish I’ve been through for a while back with just a few flowers.” Not to mention that anypony who dares present me something that fancy and girly will be in the reanimation in ten seconds flat.
She was darn lucky for not being like the others.
She hesitated for a while, then quietly asked: “Well, in that case what should I do to have your forgiveness?”
‘“To the bedroom. Now” I almost blurted, but thanks to my rational mind. I kept my mouth shut. She definitely will not agree with so licentious request and just will end up giving no buck about getting my forgiveness.
I need to find another way to conquer her. And there was just the one to give me an excellent opportunity.
The date.
Usually I don’t need it, ‘cause ponies are always hopping around me, begging for permission to prove themselves in order to get my favorable glance to them.
But this case was special. I would never let that kind of wild luck slip out of my hooves.
I will take her out to the picnic. Fortunately I know the perfect place for something like this: a cool lake near Ponyville. I bet she’s never seen something like this, because all her life is dusty old shelves filled with dull boring books. Just horrible, how she’s still alive and sane, I wonder.
I wouldn’t be too sure about the last one, though...
* * *
“So, what do you say? Pretty cool, huh?” I asked her, trying to open the jar of peanut butter. I don’t know who’s producing those, but I swear; they hate ponies more than anyone else. It’s nearly impossible to open it!
“Twilight?” I called her, after almost five minutes of the epic struggle, which definitely will be glorified in legends.
Well, of course; who could have even a tiniest doubt about it? She buried her face into another book, abstracting from the reality.
Yes, I’ve tried to avoid her from bringing near the whole library to the picnic... but seems like I failed; I couldn’t tell that a huge cart, filled with books and scrolls, can be described as the definition of my success.
I patted her on the shoulder, and when she looked at me with one eye, extended her a sandwich with butter.
“Oh, sorry. I was a little bit distracted. This reading is so interesting; it’s about one of the theories of the unicorn’s race magic origins. You see–”
I cut her stream of consciousness by shoving the piece of bread directly into her mouth. She choked with her own words and tried to spit it out, but my hoof was stronger than her muzzle muscles and, after a short struggle Twilight started to chew submissively.
I take an apple and bit into the poor fruit like a starved alligator.
So, we were sitting there. Sitting and chewing. And something tells me that if it will keep that way, all I’ll get is overeating. I felt like I need to speak.
“It’s a nice, quiet place to just sit and eat here, but what’s even better is to know each other better. I guess you already know a lot about me, so I would like to hear the story of your life.” I already figured out that I can’t be as blunt as I used to be. So if I want to even have a chance to have sex with her I need to be more suave.
Suave Rainbow Dash... it’s the worst sacrilege ever.
In the meantime the unicorn finally finished the hapless sandwich and was able to speak.
“Well... it’s nothing much to tell about myself, really. I... I don’t know... what are you would like to hear?”
“Hmm, well, as a start I would like to know, how... why...” I don’t want to know anything about you, you bookwormish egghead! I want you into my bed, nothing else.
Calm down Rainbow. Just pull yourself together and ask some cliche question what everypony asking when they are trying to know someone else.
“What are your favourite... foods? Yeah, food.”
That'll do the trick, I hope.
She looked at me, surprised. What are you’re staring at? Just answer the damn question...
"I just love oatmeal-and-raisin cookies - it's the best breakfast a pony could ever have. But also I like apple bread, caramel-coated apples, brownies..."
Here we go!
An hour later...
We were heading to the town, laughing. Turns out she’s the really interesting pony to talk with. Of course if you’re possessing enough physical prowess to being able to tear her off the book and bring to life.
Overall, it was quite decent, I must say. And, of course, it was one step closer to my ultimate goal, which became almost my purpose of life now.
“That was a wonderful picnic, Rainbow. I’m really glad we’ve done that,” said Twilight, looking to me with obvious gratefulness. “I hope you enjoyed it too and, therefore, according to the logical laws, accept my apology.”
I nodded, not looking at her. “Yeah, right. Well, I was actually hoping for another meeting. Don’t get me wrong, I forgave you and stuff, but still; I would like to see you again.”
Now she was confused. “But why? I mean, I didn’t think I need to do that once again. I... am I done something wrong, or... or is this common in here... to... you know... having two meetings between two ponies?”
I facehoofed. Girl, I’m dating with you. Da-ting! Rainbow Dash, the mare that the whole Equestria going nuts about dating with you, and you’re even able to have any doubts? I just don’t get it.
“Just give me one promise, okay? We will have another meeting.”
“But–”
“Trust me and promise.”
She was silent. I... I think that’s it. I need to do this. It will be something like earthquake, hurricane, flood and a fire from the sky in the one local apocalypse, but... okay, I need to say it. This cursed word, my lips never been desecrated with.
Celestia have mercy on us all - Rainbow Dash will say...
“Please?”
She slowly nodded. “Okay, I promise we will meet again.”
“Great. So... I’ll catch ya later, yes?”
“Right. See you at our next meeting”
Several minutes after that I was in my home, lying on the bed. This day really exhausted me - my pride was the one, who suffered the most. But at the same time I felt some weird things, which remind me... satisfaction? I was kinda satisfied with everything happens today. I need to think about it more... a little later. Now I would like to “catch some z’s.” In the end I deserved it more than any other pony.
Rainbow Dash's memories: "The story of seduction"
I woke up at the break of day, usually at that time I’m not even ready to open my eyes, not to mention doing something else. But today I felt like I just couldn’t sleep my usual ten hours (not counting naps during the day).
I quickly jumped out of bed. Despite the beginning of the weekend I had a plenty things to do. Of course, the top priority in this “list” was reserve by one certain unicorn with whom I had a decent date yesterday. And I was planned to repeat something like this today.
Yeah, I knew that stupid “three-days-between-two-dates” rule, but screw that. I’ve never liked to follow the rules anyway. All that standards makes me crave to find an idiot who created it and prove that he’s wrong by shoving that laws into his b... mouth.
Anyway, I wanted to meet Twilight once again. I stopped being too annoyed because of her stubbornness and started to perceive this whole thing with the seduction as a some kind of game. I liked to think of it like this: I need to do my best to have hot and wild lesbian sex with her. It also isn’t like with the others, who jumped into my bed by my order. With her I must dig out every single charme technique I’ve ever knew or heard about.
And this just makes the reward much more desirable and deserved. If I’ll be able to seduce a pony like her - that means, that my awesomeness is incalculable.
I was sure in it, though, but still it would be nice to prove this. Once again.
With that kind of pleasant and inspiring thoughts I flew out of my house and headed on to Ponyville’s library.
* * *
I landed with a gentle thud , placing my wings in their proper place. The library’s door was just a few inches away from me; I’ve always had a great sense of space and knew how and where to land.
As if somepony could expect less from a mare like me anyway...
I already wanted to knock to the door, when I heard voices coming from the library.
Well, I wasn’t a curious person, but it would’ve be a crime to not listen what they are talking about.
“I’m tired of repeating myself, Spike; you are wrong . She’s just interested in talking to me. Nothing more.”
“Yeah, right - and that’s why she staring at your rump everytime you looking into another direction. Don’t be ridiculous, Twi!”
‘Is this so obvious? Darn it, when did he noticed that? Nosey son of a...’
“Staring at my... rump? You mean that she wants...”
“Yes, Twilight. She wants to pull you into her bed and bring to life every single dirty erotic fantasy she has.”
‘Dude, you definitely shouldn’t read that much of adult’s journals. It kinda affects you in a wrong way’
“B-but... I’m not even into mares!”
‘WHAT?! She’s straight? My life is rui... meh, who cares. I’m gonna buck her hard anyway’
“Well, why don’t you tell her this. I’m sure she will leave you alone.”
‘Yeah, keep dreaming, scale boy’
“I’m... okay, look. I will think about it. But not now, okay? I’m just... not ready, yet.”
“Alright. Take your time, Twi. I’ll be here if you need anything.”
“Thanks, Spike.”
‘Don’t want to interrupt your oh-so-important conversation, but I really want to come inside’
I finally knocked the door, not interested in their conversation anymore.
The door opened rapidly and before I was able to realise anything, the lavender unicorn were already pulling me by my hoof inside the building, beaming as if she was a searchlight.
“Rainbow Dash! I’m so glad you came! I need you right now!”
My wings were immediately unfurled and became hard as a rock. Yeah, I knew she will ignore her sexual preferences and her pet’s, or whoever he is, remarks and will latch on to me, not able to resist my sexyness anymore..
And I was darn sure that I have nothing against it.
“I finally finished my book I’ve been working on for ages! I’m just dying to know an opinion of somepony about it. And since you’re the one pony I know here, you definitely need to hear it!”
I still grinned, but my smile became more confused and sheepish, as soon as I started to realise, that I can forget about sex. My wings slowly dropped, becoming soft again.
I have a feeling that my expectations went too far.
“Yeah... I...” I needed to hide my disappointment and pretend that I wasn't in heat because of her darn teasing! “Sure... I would like to hear it and tell you my opinion.”
She almost jumped, from excitement and galloped upstairs. In the meantime I decided to make myself as comfortable as it was possible by that time. I felt that this is going to be really, really long day.
Three hours later...
“...so, the main conclusion is an unicorn’s magic actually appeared with the whole race, but not like we know it now. It was long and hard process to evolve and became more useful and powerful in mundane life. This is why it’s too complicated of a thing to be taken for granted and never thought about. Every unicorn should remember the origins of their magic, and do their best to continue the evolution. The end! So, what do you think? Isn’t it just grand and monumental? Dash? Dash?”
I opened my eyes, trying to focus my glance on Twilight. Everything was blurred; either because of my brain start to leak from all that information, or it was just tears, because I couldn’t think about a legal way to kill her.
Albeit, it was over. Thank Celestia, Luna and whoever we have to be thankful.
“Yea... It was... truly... em... cool. Definitely... cool.”
Seems like she was satisfied with my lie, ‘cause she smiled and placed this Tarterian treatise of death on the table.
“By the way; do you wanted something? I mean, you was the one who come here, but then I kinda distracted you from your original intention. Thanks for being so dear to listen and telling your opinion about my first book, but I think it’s time you should tell me whatever you wanted.”
At that time I was ready to crawl into some dark corner, curl into a ball and cry. Long and loud. Geez, was she teasing me, or what?! I’ve been listening this crap for a good three hours, despite it was able to save some sanity by some kind of miracle, and now she’s asking me what the hay I wanted? I wish I could remember my sexual orientation now! Not to mention my name... How did she called me? Dash?
“I... I don’t really want anything... err... pony. Just, you know; paying visit and stuff...”
Okay, Rainbow Dash is my name. And I’m into mares. And stallions. And... well, let’s just say I’m into everything that moves and can speak.
“In that case, would you mind some tea?”
‘Tea? Not going to happen’
“Coffee?”
‘Pass’
“Water?”
‘Very funny’
“Apple cider?”
‘Don’t make me lau... wait, what?! The cider?’
My ears and wings perked, eyes focused strongly on the unicorn, and I started to pant like a hound with a heavy form of obesity.
“You have... apple cider? Really?”
“Yeah. I have a deal with one farmer from Canterlot. In there they are not affected by season, because of the new magical technology, they started to use. So, he brings me fresh and tasty cider every single week without any delays...”
She has an infinite source of cider all the year around? Seriously?! Oh my gosh; she’s such a priceless, marvelous and amazing girl! Where are my eyes have been?! That’s it; forget about this stupid seduction thing!
I’m going to marry her right here and right now!
Rainbow Dash's memories: "The story of seduction"
You know, I think I’ve made a hasty decision. About the whole marriage thing, I mean. It happens to me sometimes when I’m getting a little bit too excited over something. Even the greatest ponies have their own limitation, right?
Anyways, I don’t think that my freedom costs less than even the unlimited supplies of cider. I’ll just return to my original task… and who said that I could not enjoy this marvelous beverage on the path of seduction?
“So, Twilight. I have a proposition for you.” I finally regained my memories about the purpose of this visit.
“Proposition? Interesting. What is it?”
Oh, you’re interested, now? Just wait until I will say what I’ve got in mind. I bet you will pass out when you hear it.
“How would you react if I’ll...” Pause for the dramatic effect. “...invite you on a date?”
Come on, fall already! No? No falling for Rainbow Dash?
Darn it, why are you so thick-headed?!
“A date? Wait, so you want to say that our previous meeting was the date as well?”
You get it only now? Seriously? Jeez… You know, I’d compare your speed of thinking to the one a snail has, but I don’t want to insult this little creature.
“Well, duh! Wasn’t that obvious?”
She slowly looked into my face and unhurriedly spoken:
“I was on my first date without even knowing it… and it was a date with a mare?”
I blinked. “Yeah. Pretty much.”
Now I need to explain something, okay? I didn’t run away; it was a simple tactical retreat. Cowardness? What would you do if you’d face a unicorn, enveloped in flames and shooting magic bolts into your direction? Just curious.
Have no idea why the heck she was so pissed off after my answer to her. And, to tell a truth I was not eager to find out.
I have never flown so fast in my entire life. Well, except that time when I was able to perform a legendary Sonic Rainboom, but you get an idea.
So, it was logical that soon I stopped hearing her shouts such as: “You’ve ruined my first date!” or: “I’m not a frigging fillyfooler!”
I was safe and could finally have some rest on a nearest cloud, which I did with great pleasure. I had a lot to think about.
‘She was squealing like a… great, I’m out of my funny comparisons. And I’m supposed to have a great sense of humor.
Anyway, looks like my situation just became more complicated. I don’t know what kind of grudge she has against a first date with a mare, but seems like it’s a big deal to her.’
I wasn’t in despair, of course. The very idea of the Great and Awesome Rainbow Dash being in despair makes me laugh hysterically. No, it was more like a really interesting and rather difficult test. Which I have to pass.
Darn, it sounds so eggheadish…
Okay, what’s next? I needed to understand, why this whole first date thing is so important, that you would be ready to fry anypony who’d dare to spoil it.
And I knew a person who will definitely give me the answer…
* * *
“You did what?! ”
I facehoofed. “Come on, Rar it’s just a mere date. Nothing to be so upset about.”
Don’t get me wrong, Rarity is a good friend and she can provide some great advices… but sometimes her reaction could be really turbulent.
“Just a mere date? A mere date?! My dear, do you realise what you did? You have stolen one of the most precious and important moments in anypony’s life!”
See? That’s what I’m talking about. Overreacting.
In the meantime, the white-coated drama queen was nervously trotting back and forth, while I just lazily drank cider. Yes, I haven’t forgotten about my favourite beverage and was able to save a whole bottle from the mad unicorn. Pretty cool, huh?
“I think I have a plan, Rainbow. You need to apologize. And make it as sincerely as possible.”
“Rainbow Dash never beg anypony’s pardon. You should’ve known this already. Rarity.”
Rarity was about to give me an another heartbreaking tirade about high feelings and other crap, but suddenly changed her tactics. She narrowed her eyes and looked at me with an insidious smirk. I finally understood who has taught Opalescence to make a face like this when she was about to throw something nasty.
I tensed and prepared myself to repel any attack. I will not let anypony to defeat me. Even during the argument.
“Oh? You are really think so, aren’t you? Pardon me, Dash but I can’t help but hear fear in your voice. You’re scared of this Twilight Sparkle, don’t you? Yes, you are really scared, and that’s why you will never dare to go and...”
“Enough! I will show you! I will show everypony! Nothing can scare me! Nothing!!!”
Now, when I’m recalling these events, I can remember Rarity’s remark I didn’t hear back there because of anger.
“Works every time.”
The Golden Oak Library, several minutes later…
I knocked to the door, panting heavily. I flew from the Carousel Boutique to this place in no time and was kinda tired. But I didn’t care. I was about to apologize, so nopony would dare to tell that I’m afraid of something.
“Who is it?”
Her pet dragon, or whoever he was. Spike, I believe.
“Spike? It’s Rainbow Dash. I need to see Twilight. It’s so important that could not be expressed with simple words.”
“You’re really insolent to come here after what you have done. Go away. You’re not welcomed here.”
I groaned in annoyance.
“Come on, cut me some slack - I had no idea that it was her first date and that it was so important.”
“It doesn’t matter. Twilight is not going to talk with you. So, be a good girl and leave us.”
‘Be a good girl?’ That’s it.
“Listen, my scaly friend. You have two options. First - you’re opening the door, I’m talking to Twilight and they lived happily ever after. The second one is really nasty. In short, you will see the gates of Tartarus faster than you will have a chance to say something.”
“Who is it, Spike?”
I froze. It was Twilight’s voice, yeah. But it sounded really strange. Like if she was… crying?
“It’s nopony, Twilight. Please, come back to your room. I’ll join you in a minute.”
“The dragon is lying, Twilight. It’s Rainbow Dash and I’m here to… to apologize.”
The door swung open so fast that I barely managed to rebound.
Twilight was standing on the threshold of the library. Her eyes were bloodshot, her mane was a mess even more than usual… yup she’s definitely been crying.
“Apologize for what? For lying to me for all this time? For trying to pull me in your bed? For ruining my first date which meant to be special?!”
Sorry, Rar, but seems like the ponykind has a better candidate for being a drama queen.
“Hey, no need to play roles. We’re not in a theatre and you’re not an actress. Just listen to me, alright?”
She clenched her teeths, but remained silent. At least I had a chance.
“Now, I know that you’re treating this whole date thing very serious. But I had no idea about it when I was asking you for a date. You should understand: for me it was a challenge. I’m used to the situation when everypony goes crazy about me and ready to jump into my bed by the order. And then you’ve shown up, mysterious and impregnable mare who didn’t pay attention to me. How should I react? Of course my self-esteem was screaming for vengeance.”
“So… you did that just because you wanted to prove yourself that you can seduce me? It was… an experiment?”
“Well… yes.”
Nothing could predict the thing that happened next. If I wasn’t a witness of this I would never believe.
Twilight suddenly gave me a huge smile, then started to jump around me like a rabbit in a sugar rush.
“Somepony researched me! Somepony researched me!” She was shouting.
Me and Spike were just helplessly observing Twilight’s jumps, having no idea what to do.
When she finally stopped hoping like an idiot and looked at me with the same smile, I carefully asked:
“Twilight… are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m perfectly okay! Oh… I guess I confused you, did I?”
For the lack of a better word, yeah.
“I’m just really, really wanted to make an experiment of some sort, connected to the romance and all about it. And you just did what I was dreaming about for months!”
I have had enough. I just couldn’t hold myself back anymore.
“What the heck is wrong with you?! I mean… first, you’re trying to kill me for spoiling your first date, or something, then you’re realising that I’ve been trying to seduce you out of principle and getting excited like a teen colt before getting laid in the first time? For crying out loud girl, you’re insane! And you know what is the most embarrassing thing about this?”
“Now you’re in love with me? For real, I mean.” Said Twilight, winking at me.
“What?! How did you know?” I was shocked, to say the least.
“Just a guess. And, according to your reaction I’m right.”
After a short silence I asked:
“And… what are we gonna do now?”
Twilight reflectively looked at me (I felt myself like a test subject, honestly) and then cheerfully said:
“Well, why don’t we combine science and romance? You like me, and I’m excited about researching this kind of relationships. Who knows, maybe we will even be a couple after a while.”
“But… you’ve said that you’re not a fillyfooler...” I asked in a weak voice.
Twilight snorted.
“So what? Rainbow, science is a force that cannot be stopped by anything. Include the sexual orientation.”
“Then, by all means go ahead. I’ll gladly assist you.”
She clapped her hooves in excitement.
“Great! I feel that it’d be my best project!”
She had signaled me to follow her and headed to her library, lively speaking with herself:
“How should I call it? ‘A romance research’? No, too cliche. Hmm… ‘Fields records about relationships’? Wouldn’t match, I’m not in the field… Wait! How about this: ‘A TwiDash study about being together’? Perfect! Just what I need. ”
I followed her, thinking about my task. Did I achieve the goal? It’s a complicated question. In one hoof I didn’t have sex with her. But in the other hoof she’s really interested to be with me. Which means that I will have plenty of chances to bring to life my originals plans.
So, the answer is ‘yes’, then. It is an another victory and another great story about Rainbow Dash the Embodiment of Awesomeness.
Oh, and by the way… Maybe having a permanent girlfriend would be better than I thought. Especially somepony like Twilight. I can say one thing for certain: whatever will happens, it definitely wouldn’t be boring.
And I’m perfectly okay with it.