Harold and Kumar Go to Equestria

Kumar stared at the hole in the wall. It was a nice, clean, porcelain hole in the wall, set at almost four feet high. It had a notch to hold the tail, and was molded and inset about eight inches, so that number 1 could go straight down and number 2 could could go straight out. Next to it was a bidet with a similar arrangement. Well, that answers THAT particular fandom argument. Still, this did not help Kumar with his current predicament. He had to GO.

The problem was that he had his buttocks did not project as far as a ponies would. And the target was just a few inches too high. I don't have anything to stand on... wait, maybe if I roll up my clothes and turn my shoes upside down... and stand on my toes... I can just reach...

Naked and precariously balanced on a pile of his clothing, Kumar eased himself back into the porcelain seat, his penis just clearing the bottom of the apparatus. He sighed in relief as he started to simultaneously evacuate his bowels and his bladder. And then he lost his balance.

The sounds that came from inside of the bathroom were like nothing recognizable on Earth or in Equestria. Harold and Zecora looked at one another, then at the door, then back at each other as the series of crashes, screams and "Oh God Noes!" rang out. Their hostess went to reach for the door handle, but Harold took her by the hoof. "He may need a few minutes."

They continued to wait, exchanging looks as the cries to a merciful deity, invocations of hellfire from same said deity, and pitiful cries of woe and whimpers of pain gradually diminished. Kumar eventually cracked the door. "Harold!" A foul odor issued forth, causing Zecora to hurriedly reach for a bunch of drying herbs to hold against her muzzle.

Harold went up to the door, trying not to see the carnage inside. "Kumar! You're hurt!"

"I dink I broke my dose." Blood dripped down Kumar's mouth and chin.

"How could you break your nose going to the bathroom?" Harold was incredulous.

"Just do me a favor add shud up. I deed a big plasdic bag, a mop, a bucked of wader, soap, add a bad. Den I deed a change of clodes. Please. I'll just waid id here add suck ad life." Kumar closed the door behind him.

An hour later, Kumar had cleaned up the bathroom, been bathed, had his nose set by Zecora, and changed into a fresh set of clothes. Harold took the old clothes in a bag and buried them in the forest, where it is hoped they will never be found. Zecora gave him one of her potions for pain relief and after some concern about possible side effects of pony potions on humans, Kumar downed it. The pain eased back to a dull ache and the swelling was considerably reduced. "Wow, that didn't even taste bad! Don't know if you could get blue toadstool shavings harvested by moonlight approved by the FDA, though."

Kumar, I'm sorry your morning did suck. It
would be better if you just used a bucket.

Kumar looked at Zecora askance, and she shrugged in reply. "Hey, you try finding something that rhymes with bucket!" Harold interjected. Zecora smiled at him and gently rubbed her face into his chest as he patted her affectionately on the neck.

Kumar suppressed the obvious rejoinder. "Well then," Kumar regarded the two with something like acceptance, "we have a little ways to walk. Let's load up." The humans put their gear together and Zecora got her saddlebags with some sample bags and some prepared potions with the names of customers on the bottles. The pony script looked odd to the humans. Almost Roman lettering, with some deviations resembling horseshoes and stars.

"Horseshoes..." Harold muttered. "Honey, what is a horseshoe for?" Zecora looked at him, quizzically.

A game they play in Ponyville,
in which I have but little skill.

"So you would not wear it as a shoe?"

Zecora opened her mouth to say something, then stopped, looked down at the sneakers on Harold's feet and looked back up at him. She blinked and seemed unable to speak for a minute, then recovered.

One cannot wear a horse shoe!
A hoofcuff you refer to.

Zecora walked to her closet and took out four black cylindrical objects that appeared to be intended to slide over the hoof. They had ridges at the bottom that would lift the hoof off the ground, but left the majority of the pad uncovered, leaving the pad free for grabbing. Harold nodded. "OK, but... what is a horse?"

Kumar couldn't help himself. "A horse is a horse, of course, of course," he sang. Zecora whinnied laughter and shook her head.

A horse is a rather large pony, in Saddle Arabia born,
resembling Equestrian farm folk, both being without wings or horn.

Harold giggled. "Saddle Arabia? Never mind..." Zecora shrugged. "Well, we probably should get going."

"Should we bring, you know..." Kumar gestured to the rifle and shotgun.

"I don't think so. That was when we didn't know what we'd run into." Harold gestured at Zecora. "She'll get us to Ponyville safely. We'll just leave them here, OK Zecora?" Zecora nodded.

The trio walked out of Zecora's tree, into the Everfree forest. It was alive with sound as life exerted its creative and destructive forces all around them. Squirrels threw acorns at them, the roar of a manticore could be heard in the distance and they passed what looked like a statue of a wild boar. Kumar looked at Zecora.

I'll bring Flutters back with me,
So he'll be calm when free.

They continued, the canopy overhead thinning and the light becoming more yellow and less green. After several minutes, they found a dirt road. Zecora motioned for them to follow as she turned left onto it. The forest thinned out, and soon they could see plains in the distance. An apple orchard on a line of hills with a big red barn and a farmhouse was on their left. They saw the river they had spied from the hillside, with a bridge over it. Over the bridge, there were buildings. And ponies. Lots and lots of ponies.