Rejected

Rejected - The wrong end of the train

No hard feelings, there is absolutely no need for something like that.

I asked her a question – a simple one – and promised that no matter what her answer would be, we’d stay friends. When she hesitated, I ensured her to be neither angry nor have any irrational grieves as long as her answer is sincere and mirrors her sentiments; as long as it reflects whatever she really wants. To be realistic and even more importantly, to be honest to myself, I never really expected her saying ‘Yes’ in the first place.

Of course I thought up scenarios in which she does. Fantasies in which both of us end up in a tight embrace, clinging to each other, savoring the moments before our muzzles would meet for the first time. Unrealistic screenplays is all they were. Fairy tales you tell little fillies to make them fall asleep and have beautiful dreams you might say, having nothing in common with ruthless reality. To stick with the truth, I had no expectations that could have been left unsatisfied.

Still, it hurts so much. My chest is aching, every breath feels like a raging wildfire burning in my throat and each of its flares devouring a little bit of my sore heart as I’m swallowing on my emotions. I’ve never felt... I couldn’t even imagine such pain before. It is an incredible torture, feeling like a thousand needles getting dragged slowly out of my  broken heart, just to be shoved back in even slower the next second. Not just that it’s indescribably aching, it also is completely illogical. There is no wound, my body is perfectly moving as I keep running through the night, trying to get away from this place as far as somehow possible.

When making a love confession there are always two possible outcomes. At least, that’s what I suppose, what’s making sense to me: One that makes both ponies happy and one that leaves one of them broken. I don’t think that there’s another option. I hope there isn’t. I wouldn’t want her to feel like I do at the moment. The imagination alone drives another set of tears in my eyes. Not yet, I have to stay strong, at least for a little longer.

I have been running for a while already, my hooves are starting to hurt as well. No comparison to the ache coming from my heart though. The street lamps are guiding my lone path. I pass them quickly, one after another. From light to light I rush through the forlorn darkness. Driven by the obnoxious torment I can keep running, maybe even run a bit faster.

Did I proceed too swiftly? Have I pushed her into a corner, not letting her have enough time to make up her mind? Those questions burden me all the way, every meter, every step. I never confessed love to any pony before, so I didn’t know any better; but if I wouldn’t have been so persuasive, would her response have been a different one perhaps? I mean, we’ve always come along greatly and though we have spent a lot of time together we rarely got caught in arguments or fights. Everything has always seemed so harmonious. Why doesn’t she share my feelings? Why did she choose to deny them? Why did she reject me? How am I supposed to ever face her again?

As my breaths are getting heavier, I feel hot tears streaming down my face, burning narrow lanes in my cheeks and being carried away by the strong wind the next moment, dropping harder on the ground the faster I run. I’m glad I was able to put back such a large distance before I finally would start weeping. Mustering up my last strength I gallop into a narrow side street. Even if it’s a good shortcut from the marketplace to Sugarcube Corner barely any pony uses it, especially not in the middle of the night. No pony would see me cry here.

Everything I hoped for – everything I wished for was not supposed to come true after all. As the word left her mouth, it was like all of my dreams were crushed within an instant. Not all of them, of course. But definitely the most important one, the one I desired more than anything else, the one that kept me moving through all kind of obstacles and challenging times. It was shattered. Torn into pieces. Dead.

Exhausted from the long run I lean against a brick stone wall and let myself sink to the frozen ground, burying my muzzle in my tired and quivering hooves, I’m not able to hold back sorrowful sobs any longer. My whole body is shivering and the uncontrollably emanating torrid tears are starting to drench my sweaty fur, keeping at least a little bit of it warm in the cold winter night. I probably should have at least put on a coat and a scarf before making a run. Not that it really concerns me any longer. I'm done with life anyways.

Silently screaming in my hooves and letting my emotions run wild, I suddenly perceive a shadow thrown on me from high above in the sky, followed by the quiet sound of a smooth landing. The other pony is approaching carefully, the noise from its steps slowly coming closer. I don’t need to look up to know who it is. Just the question why she made all the way out here is left.

“Twilight... you didn’t hear me out before running off,” She says with quite some distress in her voice as she knees down in front of me. All I can do is continue sobbing. She gently wraps a scarf around my neck and pulls me into a tight and warming embrace, softly swathing me in her comfortable blue wings. I sob again. Up to the moment she softly presses her warm chest against mine, I didn’t realize that I'm freezing – really freezing. It must be unpleasant for her to get in contact with something as cold as my shaking body. Still, perhaps a bit self-willed, I accept the comfort.

“Hey... it’s alright,” She mildly whispers in one of my flat lying ears which shows no reaction. Trying to sooth me she gently strokes my back. But she's wrong, nothing is right at all. Everything that could possibly go wrong, went wrong. I completely screwed up. I can barely endure her beneficial touches. I don’t deserve them. It’s like getting favored just because you’ve failed otherwise. But I deal with them, at least a little longer.

“Will you listen to me?” She asks after a short pause with a lot of concern in her tone. I look up. As our eyes meet I can clearly spot tears gathering in her beautiful magenta orbs. All of a sudden my throat seizes shut and my sobbing stops. The sight stirs me. I’ve never seen her weeping before. I hope she isn’t crying because of me. Not able to say a word I just slightly nod.

“Okay...” She says. A short, but eternal appearing break follows as she obviously is searching for the right words. Nevertheless keep her glimmering eyes locked on mine all the time, pulling me in their spell. A light sigh escapes her lips as she apparently finds some matching phrases, its warm waft meets my frozen snout, giving it back a bit of its senses “...and please don’t dash off this time, that’s my thing,” She playfully supplements, a wide smile growing on her muzzle. That's the smile I always think of before falling asleep, the one I love so much. Within a blink it takes away a huge part of the fear about what she's going to tell me. Perplexed by her split expression I nod again.

“Twilight... yes, I said ‘No’ and I know that this isn’t the answer you hoped for,” She starts her explanation, holding me tight so that I can’t possibly run off again, even if I’d liked to. I have no intention to dissolve the pleasurable hug anyway. Too soothing and agreeable it is that I would renounce it for any reason. I even lean in a bit closer, trying to catch a little more of her pleasing warmth.

“But there is a reason for that and it has absolutely nothing to do with you,” She continues with a voice much softer than I would have given her credit for, carrying a lot of sympathy and understanding in it. Of course she’d say that, I’ve already seen it coming since I read it in plenty of books. It never is the rejected stallion’s – or in my case – mare’s fault; there always is an odd reason, or rather, an excuse. I’m not sure if I want to hear it, still I’m not doing anything to discourage her from continuing.

“Starting Monday, I’ll be staying at the Wonderbolts academy for the next three months.” A clear sound of sadness rises in her tone as she says it. I didn’t know that. Her statement hits me like a lightning bolt since it implies that I won’t even be able to see her for three whole months. But when I think about it, it probably is for the best, regarding how awkward things went today. Still, it’s going to be a long and hard time for me.

“Twilight... I never was in love before, but I definitely am now," She tenderly complements after another short break, a single tear slowly running down one of her cheeks, almost like– wait, what did she just say? All of a sudden I can feel my ears twitching in excitement and my heart starting to rush. I didn’t expect the conversation to take such a sudden turn. It completely caught me off guard. It still was no confirmation, but I can clearly account a little bit of hope rising in my heart.

“I mean... you're the smartest pony I know, and the loveliest and most caring one too. What I want to say... I always enjoy the time we spend together and when being with you' I feel well and safe because I know you’re there for me and would never oppose to take any kind of responsibility if needed,” She speaks kind of fast and agitated, heading towards the point, weakly sobbing, an almost desperate sniffle follows this part of her declaration. Her reassuring words are flattering me. My hooves are shaking and my body is quivering, but not because I’m freezing. A thrill runs down my back, sending small and tingling electricity in every fiber of my body.

“It’s just... I just don’t want to start a relationship, especially not with a pony as amazing as you are, with three months of separation... In fact, I’d really like to be your marefriend, but...” There’s a lot of conviction in her voice, even if it slowly trails off as she obviously tries to rephrase her statement. My cheeks are burning and my jaw drops slightly open. I want to say something, but overwhelmed by emotions I can’t find any words. There's not a single feeling of cold left in me. Actually, although the falling snow is slowly drenching my mane, it’s kind of hot to me.

“So... I doubt that you–“

I don’t let her finish the sentence. With a swift movement I wrap my hooves around her neck, pull her close and press my muzzle tightly against hers. I can clearly remark her surprise about my sudden ambush, but after a short bafflement Rainbow Dash returns the kiss. Affectionate. Desirous. Wild.

It takes a while until our lips part again. Gasping for air, looking each other deep into our glimmering and sparkling eyes and kindling a little firework between them, we speak in unison. “I love you.“