Chapters Dr. Sauce's Equestrian adventures
Chapter 1: An old invention, a new idea
"Nien, nien, NIEN!"
It was absolute chaos, wrenches, construction PDAs and scrap metal were all flung in what seemed to be a massive tantrum, the speaker had a strange mix of both British and German to his accent. An Engineer watched, lightly lifting up his helmet and scratching his head in confusion as a festive Übersaw flew past and embedded itself in the solid concrete wall.
"Vhere is it, VHERE IS IT?!" said the man again, this time pulling himself out from underneath a workbench. Of the curious items he wore, his golden nine-pipe problem had plumes of smoke rising from it, his golden Ushanka lopsided as he frowned. Again, all the Engineer could do was sit there and look confused as he said "Where's what, doc?"
To this question, the man quickly turned around and glared at the Texan with a deathly look, "Mien Red-Prints, Mr. Conagher, My RED-PRINTS!" Without so much as a single seconds pause, the Engineer laughed and said "Your Red-Prints are in storage, doc, I'd be more than willing to get 'em for ya!" smiling lightly as he finished the sentence.
At that moment, the man smiled, then said "Oh und please, call me Doctor Sauce, heavens to Betsey, zere are so many men who forget my name." Mr. Conagher nodded, ripping the Übersaw from the nearby wall and giving it back to the doctor, making his way down to storage.
Whilst the Medic was made to wait, his vast impatience and general hyperactivity told him otherwise. "I must build something, ANYTHING!" he said, defaulting to a British accent as he lightly twirled back toward the workbench. By using his 'Scientific skill' he had managed to duct tape all four medi-guns together and get them working off of one lever, the unfortunate part was that it looked more like a Frankenstein experiment than a helpful one.
Pulling back on the lever, the four red beams combined into one rather large and bulky beam, the Quick-fix, the Kritzkrieg, the Vaccinator and the stock medi-guns effects were all combining into one giant swirling cloud of red mist. Dr. Sauce leased a small giggle, which slowly turned into a laugh and then finally a mad laugh, he was quite simply a madman.
Looking to his left, he saw a large tattered tarp which looked to be covering something. Curiously, he reached out a latex gloved hand, grasping the tarp firmly and almost snatching it away from the covered object. What was sitting underneath was an old invention of his, a 'U' shaped golden gate, with Tesla coils at the top almost forming the German letter 'Ü'.
He smiled slightly, then walked toward the gate and placed a hand against it. "Der Über tor" he whispered, awestruck by his device. At that point, the Engi had made his way back up from storage, hauling a box filled with rolls of red paper. "Here's your order, doc," he said with a humble smile, Sauce looked to him and said "Danke, mien hard hatted friend."
Sauce followed the Engineer's eyes, looking at the device himself, "It's a gateway to other dimensions, times and places, it works off of your teleporter technology, but requires no exit, either co-ordinates, a time or a code." At this statement, the Engi raised an eyebrow, he then asked "So you're sayin' this thing right here could take you anywhere, any-when, doc?"
"Yes, that is exactly what it can do, my friend," he said "However, I'm not sure if it will work correctly, we need a diamond for some kind of refractive capabilities." Again, the Engi scratched his head and said "I major in Physics doc, yet even I don't get that."
"Well, it's like this, I will be taken apart at an atomic level, or much rather, a microscopic level. Then, the pieces of me will be energised into light, where I will be shot through a diamond, refracted into mirrors and then refocused by a magnifying glass. This will double my speed, meaning that I am travelling at twice the speed of light, therefore I can reach other universes in less than a blink of the eye. I will then de-energise, be reassembled at the desired location or as close to it as possible, bob's your uncle, fanny's your aunt, very simple stuff."
As he finished his sentence, Sauce looked to the Engi, the Engi looked back to Sauce, the Engi then said "Wut?" again, to which Sauce face-palmed and sighed. "Never mind, dummkopf," he said exasperatedly, holding back a much worse curse to give to Dell Conagher.
Despite it all, Sauce got on with looking through the Red-Prints, Dell casually looked at his Diamond Bot-killer wrench, lightly jiggling the robo-heavy's head around. Sauce turned around when he heard the sound of jingling metal to see the diamond robot head. "Zats IT!" he cried to the Engi, "You've got a diamond!" he exclaimed excitedly looking to Dell. "I can't do that for ya' doc, this is my only one," he said, looking like he was determined not to relinquish the decoration to his tool.
"Your diamond or your life, your decision, ten seconds to make it," said Sauce to Dell, this panicked him as he quickly said "Uh... Mah diamond!" throwing his wrench at Sauce. Dell knew Sauce never bluffed, he had to replace his Engineer at least once every year.
Doctor Sauce strolled over to the machine, ripping the diamond from its iron clasp with excitement. Dell winced at the sound of metal scraping against itself as it gave in to the force of the pull, knowing full well that if the link had been any stronger, the doctor would have probably hurt himself.
Opening a hatch, the doctor looked at the innards of the machine, lightly inserting the diamond into the slot, he turned it on by pulling a rather large lever. "You could'a' done that much easier, doc," said Dell, he smiled and replied "Sure, but I like the big lever, it makes EVERYTHING dramatic, just like the big Red button!"
Without so much as a sputter, the machine roared valiantly to life, Sauce stood infront of it, smiled slightly and waved as he typed something random into the keyboard.
"Hopefully, we will see each other again, Dell," he said with a smile, turning around to look at the portal. "What if we don't see each other again?" he asked, "Well, then you might have to find a replacement Medic!"
Without further ado, Sauce jumped willingly through the portal, curious to see what laid upon the other side. When he did, the entire machine exploded, just as it had finished its task of sending him off into the cosmos.
I wonder, what adventures await Sauce?...
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Dr. Sauce's Equestrian adventures
Chapter 2: A 'Dashing' spot of luck and trans-dimensional luggage.
Chapter 2: A 'Dashing' spot of luck and trans-dimensional luggage.
"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee, ze medic is flying faster zan anyziiiiiiiiiiiing!"
From the eyes of any spectator, Dr. Sauce would have been invisible, completely undetectable by the naked eye. However, due to his own consciousness being part of the cloud of double light speed particles, we can view his travel from his perspective.
“This is the strangest sensation I have ever come across,” Sauce said to himself, smiling lightly as he did so. “It is like there is energy flowing around all of my blood vessels, it is ticklish and it feels to be bouncing around inside me!”
Well, Saucy physics are the rules that encompass doctor Sauce in his entirety, these rules judge what, when, where, why and how something happens to him. In essence, this means that anything can happen at any point in time regardless of the sense it makes or how many of the actual laws of physics it may break in the process, or more interestingly, in their entirety. There have even been rumours of 4th wall breaking abilities, although none have come to light. However, Saucy physics can be as useful to the doctor as it is a complete disaster, seeing as it employs "Sods law" as well as the "Luck o' the Irish."
He saw a purplish rift opening up in front of him, the warm glow seemed... friendly, welcoming and strangely loving. As he felt himself losing energy and re-solidifying, he was slipping through the portal, his medi-pack flashed as a backpack appeared on-top of it, his items appeared to be more cartoon-like than usual.
He was at his destination, however, not everything seemed right. An Eagle flew past him, looking at the majestic creature curiously, he wondered what he was even standing on. Upon looking down, it was clear that nothing was supporting his weight, he was just... hovering.
Suddenly, gravity realised his existence, he started to feel the pull, then without so much as a kiss goodbye, he was already falling down to the solid ground below him. Flailing his arms in panic, he knew not if his regenerative abilities from his universe would apply in this new universe. Before he could yell for help, he hit the ground, knocked out.
"...so Spike, it is of utmost importance that we discover the reasons why these magical disturbances have been happening."
This voice belonged to a Purple pony, one by the name of Twilight Sparkle, her scaly companion Spike at her side. She looked over to see the strange... whatever it was, out cold on the ground, whatever it was wearing. Broken shards of black glass, a splayed out fur lined lab-coat and a broken pipe which looked to be made of pure gold lay strewn around a moderately sized impact crater for a being of its size.
"Spike, look at this. LOOK! Some kind of creature... we'd best get this... thing... to Celestia, whatever it is, she will know!" Spike huffed, then asked "So, you might want to send a letter to Celestia first, letting her know that it has just landed in the middle of Ponyville and you're going to transport it to her castle. I'm sure she doesn't mind your company, it's just I'm not sure she appreciated the LAST time you burst in unannounced and you saw her eating a large quantity of cake."
Twilight's ears flopped down, "Oh, don't remind me Spike, she said that she had stomach ache after cramming it all in just so she wasn't occupied, she could have just saved it for later." He removed a scroll from a bag he was carrying, along with an ink-pot and quill. Twilight surrounded the objects in her magical aura, hastily scribbled a note, then without a word, gave it to Spike, who sent it off in a whoosh of green flame.
"If we can catch the Canterlot Express, we'll get there in less than 3 minutes, I can't wait to show Celestia!" said Twilight excitedly. "Yeah, for all I know, I could sit there and listen to you talk to Celestia, I'm really excited," said Spike in a rather sarcastic tone. Twilight scowled, then said "Well, you can either come with me, or you can help the Cutie Mark Crusaders earn their cutiemarks today." "NO NO NO, I'll come with you!" came his reply, looking rather panic struck by the idea of what chaos could ensue if he even bothered getting involved in those antics.
[At this point, there is one awkward train ride, where the unconscious body of the doctor is hauled onto a train and placed onto a seat. All the other riders glare at Twilight and gawk at the creature, never having seen a Human before. He occupied one entire train seat to himself, laying flat on his back opposite Twilight and Spike.]
Once they had arrived at the station, Twilight placed the creature upon her back, he slumped against the back of her neck, his head resting atop hers. His arms dangled down past her neck, she casually sighed as she trotted slowly toward Canterlot castle.
Opening the grand gilded doors with magic, the castles polished marble floors reflected Twilight and the mysterious creature riding her back. Spike was following just behind, surveying the scene and making sure that any ponies who got too close to them were quickly shuffled away.
Upon reaching the throne, she gazed upon the marble white alicorn princess herself, Celestia. Giving a small courteous bow, despite her own position as a princess and an alicorn, Twilight smiled at the princess, who looked at the beast upon her back.
Celestia's immediate reaction was shock. "For nine hundred and fifty years, no recorded history of..." she broke off "...but we had assumed they'd all died out, so how did this one manage to survive?" This sentence alone was enough to peak Twilight's curiosity to the point of explosion, "So what is it exactly?!" she erupted, spewing the sentence from her mouth without a seconds pause.
"This, my faithful student, is a race I had thought died out a long time ago, this is a Human being, by the looks of things, much more modern and in touch with pony society than the last time." Celestia paused, took a breath, then sighed as she spoke, "This human in particular could be more dangerous or more helpful to us in his. Yes, his, current standing, the risk is he could know anything, say anything or do anything a human could do. Which is more worrying, but at the same time, more reassuring than any news I have ever received."
Twilight asked "So, where is he going for now?", she replied "To one of the royal guest rooms, if he is to be placed anywhere, he should at least wake in a more favourable environment. At least he may listen to reason if he wakes in a more comfortable place with no restraints. However, if he wakes too early and proves to be a danger, then I give you permission to restrain him by any means."
Twilight nodded, proceeding to the royal guest's room, Spike shadowing her. Celestia informed a guard-pony and a maid-pony to follow Twilight, as well as providing her with anything she may need. She had quickly made her way up to the door of the guest room, making no delay, then something had occurred to her companion. "Hey... uh, Twi, so why exactly did you not use magic to just teleport this... human... right to Canterlot?"
Twilight looked to Spike as she opened the door with her horn, "It's because I'm not sure if magic would have a bad affect on him, or the adverse effects that may show later due to that affect." He scratched his head at her reply, "So, basically, you didn't want to hurt him or mutate him with magic when using it and after using it?"
"Spike, magic can't mutate, or I hope that if it can, that those books are locked away in a very safe place where no-pony like Trixie could get them. I know she has changed for the better, but I can't help but remain sceptical about her learning powerful magic. I am aware that Trixie was able to use an ageing spell with that amulet, so technically it was mutating, but at the same time it was actually accelerating their life!"
Twilight continued as she opened the door, "Anyway, I am sure that the books that do DANGEROUS mutations are locked away and closely guarded. So that's all I need to say in relevance to that question, Spike." He looked at her, slightly taken aback, "Woah, Twi, I was just asking, there's no need to be so defensive, it's not as if it's entirely crucial that any of this happened. Right?"
Silence, as Twilight opened the door, Spike couldn't help but gather the feeling he had asked the wrong question. Nevertheless, he said "Uh, right, Twi?" She slammed the door and placed the creature upon the guest's bed, which was next to an open balcony door. "Spike, did you not hear Celestia? Nine hundred and fifty years ago! This being could have potential knowledges that we don't, he could build things we are incapable of, bring Ponyville to a whole new age, all just by existing here, let alone doing anything!"
"So yes Spike, he could be a threat to Ponyville aswell, only seeking to destroy this world and its inhabitants!" As Twilight finished her rant, the light blue pony known as Rainbow Dash flew onto the balcony, having heard the yelling. "Hey Twilight," she said, "You know, you really need to calm down with the whole 'Celestia's going to kill me if I don't...' thing, I'm sure she's not going to over task you, especially seeing as you're a princess now."
Twilight sighed "Hey Rainbow, yes I know that, but still, have you seen him?" she said, gesturing over to the unconscious human. "Whoa, that's... AWESOME! What is he? Can he fly? Can he do magic? Can he do magic and fly?!" Twilight shook her head "No, Rainbow, I don't think he can do anything in his current state, his body looks to be in shock, we'll just have to wait until he recovers to answe-"
At that very precise moment, an obscenely large bag appeared with a flash of red, bulging with items, a label on it said "From: Dell, To: Dr. E. Sauce." Twilight inspected the baggage, "Where?... But wh-. Wait, he's a doctor? Wow, I just thought that he was quite simple, there's more layers to this than I originally inspected."
Rainbow Dash looked at the bag, "Hey, I saw a red flash like that earlier, it was in space. Then there was a TRIPLE SONIC RAIN-BOOM that was way too high up to affect anypony! But the only time I've ever seen a anything more than a sonic rain-boom is during that one incident where there was that talent enhancing potion and travelling to the other universe."
Twilight shook her head, "Oh don't remind me, you know Pinky is still going on about how she saw everything, now she goes on about a '4th wall' that supposedly exists, where apparently there are things on the other side, either pointlessly reading text or watching a 'screen'. That is, if anypony will listen to her when she talks about it, although I thought the potions effects would wear off by now."
"Didn't she also give a name once? Lauren Faust I think it was? Never met a pony by the name of Lauren Faust, ever," Rainbow said in reply to Twilight. "Neither have I Rainbow, but now's not the time, if this human is a doctor, then we must discover his secrets, as soon as ponily possible!"
"Nyaaagh, ugh, dummkopfs... ze doctor should never have trusted zem." said Sauce, finally rousing himself, his broken glasses fell off his face. As he looked around, not being able to see very well without his glasses, he looked at the purplish blob in-front of him. "Excuse me sir or madame, I can't see very well, would you mind fetching me my large leather bag? Dell should have sent it here by now."
Twilight wordlessly passed him the bag, "Ja, danke friend!" he said smiling to himself, rummaging through the bag to replace his broken nine-pipe and glasses. Upon finding a replacement, he placed the pipe in his mouth, then placed on his glasses. He closed the bag, then looked up to see the purple pony looking at him with a great sense of curiosity on her face.
"OOOH! Aren't you just ze cutest zing ever! Oh, but vhy vould a luxury suite like zis have animals inside it?" he said as he looked at Twilight, lightly grabbing her and lifting her up off of her hooves.
"AH! PUT ME DOWN PLEASE!" Twilight yelped, then sauce looked surprised at her as he raised an eyebrow and his jaw lightly dropped. "Uh, if zis is a joke, or some dream vhere ponies talk, I'm not sure I vant to be part anymore, so WAKE ZE DOCTOR UP!"
"It's not a joke, doc." said Rainbow Dash, looking up at him "Could you also put her down?" Sauce placed Twilight back onto her hooves, then laughed, as he fell back onto the bed. He laughed quite manically, then took a deep breath and stopped laughing.
"So, let me get this straight" he said, going to a calm British accent, "My device, the one I built to travel to any of the trillions of existing universes, has brought me to a world with talking Equine mammals? Oh but of course it has, hasn't it Ethulwulf, you thought you could cut corners, but no, it's brought you here, into the middle of some kind of world you'd only visit on drugs!"
He got up and began pacing, "It seems the great Doctor Ethulwulf Sauce has screwed himself over yet again, only this time, it's IRREVERSEABLE!" Twilight and Rainbow Dash looked at eachother, Rainbow mouthed "What the?..." Twilight shrugged, then paid attention to everything that Sauce said, hanging onto every detail as if it were crucial.
"Doctor Ethulwulf Sauce... what a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I haven't seen your kind in over nine hundred and fifty years." Sauce looked over to his addressee, Celestia and Luna whom were both stood in the doorway. "I am princess Celestia, this is my sister Luna, we welcome you to the kingdom of Equestria."
It was Luna's turn to speak, "Celestia has spoke to me many words of concern, I must know human, are you friend or foe?"
Sauce looked concerned, whatever he said next decided his fate...
[End of chapter 2]
Dr. Sauce's Equestrian adventures
Chapter 3: Good luck is a Rarity
"I am good, ja, good... I have nuzing to hide!"
Sauce had confessed his loyalty, but it wasn't very convincing to say the least. Celestia looked at him with a raised eyebrow, sceptical to his claims. Nonetheless, she lowered it and smiled, sauce lightly moved toward her, then lightly removed one of his gloves, placing his hand upon Celestia's forehead.
"I am not an enemy, I'd just prefer not to tell you my history. If you need convincing, I will be as helpful as I can be, OK?" said Sauce, politely kissing her upon the hoof with a crouched embrace. Celestia smiled softly, taking a small personal affection to Sauce, mainly fuelled by curiosity, Sauce stood up. Smiling politely, he looked at the ponies around him, "So, there's a dragon... a pegasus und..."
He looked at Twilight, then to Celestia, Luna, "Unisus? Pegacorn?" lightly making a ring of smoke emit from his pipe. "Alicorn, actually," said Twilight, looking at Sauce with a great sense of curiosity, "But how would you know what Spike and Rainbow Dash are without knowing what we are?"
He turned to face her, smiling, he said "Well, in my universe, we believed in many mythical creatures. Many of them were stories told to fill the dreams of children with pure wonderment and imagination. But now, I can see with my own eyes, in another universe, that a few of these creatures exist so far, who knows, many more from the book of mythical creatures could exist."
"There's a book on different creatures you believed to be alive in your universe then?" Twilight asked. Sauce nodded in response, once again reaching into his bag and producing a thick, leather-bound tome from which the cover had golden writing embedded into it. Showing the front of the book to Twilight, it was titled "Mythical, magical, imaginary and extinct; Species thought to have existed."
He offered her the book "You can read it, if you're able to translate from written Human language that is. In fact, if you want, you could keep it, I no longer need the book, but I know with you it will be in good hooves." finishing the sentence, he blinked "Good hooves..." he said silently to himself, chuckling slightly at how ridiculous that sounded.
Twilight took the book and begun reading it feverishly, Spike looked up at the doctor and said "Great, now she'll be reading that book like it's the single most important thing in all of her life. No doubt she'll lose herself in it and be reading it for at least a month to get every detail."
Sauce smiled in return, making a quote "Great knowledge in great hands is a tool that is indestructible, for knowledge is key to survival. However, great knowledge in the hands of a great evil is insurmountable, for the consequences as a result prove to be too great of a mishap for the knowledge lost."
"In other words, it is best to know than not to know, so your enemies can't get the advantage over you, you have the advantage of that extra knowledge, whilst they do not." simplifying the sentence down for Spike so that he would understand. He frowned at Sauce "Yeah, I get it, gee you sound like Twilight."
Sauce shrugged, then looked to Rainbow Dash, "So what about you then, a pegasus pony with a rainbow mane?..."
Sauce looked rather confused "Triple sonic what now?" he asked, pure curiosity in his voice. "Oh, if you mean how I got here, I used a machine to travel at twice the speed of light. I guess when I began to enter this realm you must have seen my residual energies, meaning that I must have made your so called 'Triple sonic rainboom' when I was becoming me again."
Twilight smiled, Rainbow Dash and Spike looked confused, Celestia shared a concerned look with Luna whilst Sauce casually puffed out a ring of smoke from his pipe. He then simply said "I knew what I was doing, but I don't know if I could do it again."
Celestia said "What power do you possess... to be able to rip through universes carelessly? I'm not quite sure I understand," a look of concern deeply engraved upon her face. "Me? Powerful?! HAH! Powerful my finely shaped bottom, I'm about as powerful as the people around me allow me to be, which in hindsight, is not that powerful," he responded. "Plus, if I really had all that power, I'd have probably gone to another universe, or back to my home universe!"
Celestia sighed, "At least you're not like every new creature that roams into this realm, for some strange reason, most of them bend the very will of the world around them to avoid the tiniest bit of bad luck." This made Sauce chuckle, "Trust me, it would take more than one hit to kill me, but assuming this re-spawn chip doesn't work in this universe, then my lives are limited to one. With the possibility of an Ubercharge, every now and then, that is."
"Uber what?" Asked Twilight, piping up from curiosity. "Ubercharge," said Sauce in response "It grants an eight second invulnerability to all forms of damage, but I get it by tapping into the residual energies that emit from my healing target, then trapping the energies inside my backpack, to be released when I heal the patient."
"To put it into your terms, imagine I gave you a crystal," explained Dr. Sauce, "Every day, I would ask you to put all your magical energy into the crystal as storage, so you could use it all in an emergency one day. That's basically what this device allows you to do, except it works using healing energies."
Twilight took note rather quickly, Sauce reached into his backpack and removed his Medigun, clearly Dell had reversed his 'experiment', for Sauce's best interests most likely. Upon pulling back the lever, he heard the satisfying hum of the beam as it dispersed its energy into the air.
"There is one problem though," he said with a grim look, "Anything that I heal, regardless of what it is, will have its heart explode if it doesn't have an Uber device attached to it. But to put an Uber device on a heart, I would need to operate, I can build as many as necessary, but only willing patients can have invulnerability." He took a breath, "I will also need to replace your heart with one more capable of dealing with the Ubercharge effects, so you will most likely get a larger heart."
At this message, all faces became somewhat afraid, except for his own. Sauce then changed the subject, "It also appears that my clothing is torn rather severely, do you by any chance have a tailor in this town to whom I may seek repairs for my clothing?"
He looked down to his bare and lightly toned chest, visible through a large hole in his woollen jumper as he said "Fighting all my life has lead me to become an inhuman monster and a healing machine, I must learn to control my urge to kill, even if my blood lust has been formed over a many masochist's moon."
Apprehensively, Twilight carefully trotted toward him, casually placing a hoof in his hand. Looking toward her, she said "But if you heal, then you must heal for a good reason, surely there is a way to overcome it if you just treat it as keeping us all healthy and safe. Right?"
He nodded and smiled in agreement, no words needed. "Oh and by the way, if you're looking to get your clothes looked at, go to Rarity, I'm sure she'd be interested in you and your style. I thought she was the only one to like rich gems, but clearly you're almost coated in gold." said Rainbow Dash, half sarcastic, half serious.
"So, how do I get to 'Rarity' then?" he asked in reply, looking at Dash curiously. "Well, I'm sure that Twi and Spike can show you there. Meanwhile, I'm going to try to do something to top your triple sonic rainboom, I hate losing to anypony, plus if word spreads around that something was faster than me, my entire reputation would be ruined! I would be known as the second fastest, I can't let that happen!" she said with vigour and a small sense of ego preservation
Sauce rolled his eyes casually at Dash's response, "OK then, Rainbow, if you say so," he said in a sarcastic tone. "Oh and by the way, Rarity doesn't do things for free, not unless you're famous or good looking," said Dash. "Well, I guess I had better have money, because when it comes to me, good luck is a rarity," he replied.
"So now, off to Rarity's place?" he asked Twilight, paying little attention to Dash as she flew out of the open window. "Yeah, we can get your clothes fixed there, wait downstairs for me whilst I talk to Celestia and Luna please." He obeyed, exiting the room past them.
Once out of earshot, Celestia said "Keep an eye on him, my faithful student. He could be a bigger problem than we had initially imagined." "I fully intended to," Twi responded, looking at Luna, "What do you think, Luna?"
It was time for them to set off to Carousel Boutique, the home of the revered Ponyvillian tailor Rarity. Twilight knew where to go and how to keep a close eye on the doctor. But as he said "When it comes to me, good luck is a rarity."
"Rarity..."
Twilight smiled slightly, making her way downstairs to Sauce, preparing herself for the shock and awe of him facing the Equestrian society. How would Rarity react to him?...
[Find out in chapter 4!]
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Dr. Sauce's Equestrian adventures
Chapter 4: A new town resident and a Pinkie keen greeting
Leaving Canterlot, Sauce kept a calm manner, looking at all the ponies who gaped at him with little distraction or interest. Twilight and Spike were leading, making sure to minimise any other pony's contact with Sauce, for he could be a danger to any one of them.
He was in fact the least dangerous inhabitant to exist, but for all the inhabitants, this fact was lost to them over their fears of what he could do as an entirely different race, his abilities could be greater than anything witnessed, they were not. Sauce, to everyone's knowledge, was only as powerful as his friends allowed him to be, if he became too powerful, they quickly clamped down on his ability and blocked any more shenanigans from occurring.
Getting onto the train, he found himself fighting off groups of nosy ponies, moving them aside as they tried to get close to inspect him. "Twilight, fraulien, is zere something you can do about these pesky ponies? I need my personal space und frankly I'm getting a little ticked with being stopped every five centimetres to be stared at," he said with a tone of exasperation. Quickly, Twi raised a shield around the cabin they sat in, the gap to walk in completely blocked by a magical field, her horn glowing softly with the aura.
Sauce raised an eyebrow, "What in the world?... I am a man of science and there is nothing that can generate this kind of energy except for... magic." He cleared his throat as he readdressed the final word "Magic..." pausing his entire pattern of thought to ponder a new idea.
"So... how can you do magic then?" he asked, curiously awaiting an answer. "It is your own bodily energy, the more energy you have inside of you, the greater the spell is that you can perform. It also depends on your knowledge, as more intellectual beings can find ways of using less magic on greater spells." answered Twilght.
"It is also willpower, love and friendship that generally power how strong a magical spell is, if you have a lot of knowledge, confidence and friends, then in theory, you'd become a highly magical being." She continued, as he made mental notes. Spike then asked "So, uh, about Rarity, why do you want to see her again?" his question masked his fear, for if Rarity liked Sauce more than himself, then he would surely be forgotten.
"Clothing, little dragon, clothing. As you can see by the gaping holes in my attire, I have very many tares and rips that are scattered pretty much everywhere without any particular bias." Smoking from his pipe, he continued, "Whilst all of you ponies walk around in the buff with nothing to cover you but your fur, or in your case Spike, your dragon scales, I have to hide my... obscenities. Because unlike you, I possess a phallus which would be constantly on display if it weren't for the fact I covered my more... private areas."
"Phallus?" asked Spike to Twilight, whose cheeks went slightly red, "A fancy and more gentlemanly term for a penis, Spike. If what I heard is correct, he covers himself because his body is naturally uncovered," she answered. "Oh..." he said, his face reddening too, Sauce looked around at the ponies who were all listening and had become equally embarrassed by this fact. "Nosy gits," he said loudly enough for any busy bee pony to hear, "I tend to cut off noses and put them in jars if anyone interfered in my business."
He smiled to himself as every head ducked down and got back to talking with their closest companion, Twilght looked at him apprehensively, afraid of interfering in his business now. "Don't worry, miss Sparkle, you're safe, I don't really do that." he whispered to her, so that nopony else could hear. "Although, if I did," he continued "I'd know that a few of them would probably be great examples."
He chuckled to reassure Twilight, although still apprehensive, she was trying to accept that Sauce was just trying to break the ice and stop other ponies from knowing what they shouldn't. He was in a strange world with barely any knowledge of how anything functioned, or any grasp of society, so she felt it vital that she taught him how to blend in with society.
Before any large lectures on pony society could be given, the train had reached its destination, saving Sauce from perhaps one of the most tedious occurrences in all his natural life. What he saw made him smile slightly, a small town built around pony kind, its candy colored palette really made Sauce think he was in some kind of dreamworld, but he was definitely awake.
Walking behind Twilight and Spike with a wide smile upon his face, even he couldn't keep a professional exterior when the scenery compared so closely to the things he loved as a child. More odd looks were given to him, some ponies recoiled in fear into their homesteads, others came to try and inspect Sauce to find out about what he was, but altogether, the effect he had was shock and awe.
It was after some distance that he finally laid eyes upon a rather odd, tent like building. "Here we are, Carousel Boutique. Hopefully, Rarity is in," said Twilight, looking to Sauce. "I'll try to be as calm and collected as possible, but just like you Twilight, I am excited to see this new species and how they've evolved from what we last saw. I knew you were a smart one the second you began understanding my theorems and motives," he casually stated, watching Spike lightly making a vomiting gesture out of the corner of his eye.
"Oh and by the way, if you feel sick, little dragon, the doctor is more than willing to operate," he said with a slightly crazed tone in reply to Spike's rather antisocial gesture, pressing his Ubersaw against his chin. He muttered "No, doc, I think I'm fine," also whispering death threats to Sauce under his breath, Twilight stood there and wasn't really sure who to side with.
"Now, to infinity and beyond!" Sauce exclaimed with a cheery disposition, raising his Ubersaw in the sky away from Spike so as not to harm him. Proceeding toward the door, Sauce pushed the door open, hearing the ringing of the bell as the door caught it.
"I'll be right with you! Hold on!" cried a voice from upstairs. This voice had a very rich and rather royal air to it, which made Sauce say with a sarcastic tone "More royalty? Oh my, well it seems that just about every pony is some kind of pretty princess."
"Princess? Hardly darling, I'm Rarity, thanks for the compliment though... whoever you are," she said as she descended the stairs into the room where Twi, Spike and Sauce were. Looking directly at him, her eyes widened as she spoke "Oh my heavens, what are you even?! What happened to your clothes?! Those things are just darling! Look, such rich golden fibers and... oh my heavens, is that real gold silk?!"
Sauce replied "I'm a Human. My clothes got ripped by the crash I had in the middle of this town, which I presume to be Ponyville by what I've heard. Also, yes, this is real golden silk, one of a kind, very rare to find in my universe and probably nigh improbable to find in this universe. Does this answer all your questions?"
"Well darling... I have never clothed for the likes of you... ever. I would try because clearly Twilight has brought you here to test my skills!" Rarity exclaimed in response, he looked bemused. Spike then explained "Actually, we brought him here because... he asked if there was a tailor, so Dash told him about you. Now we have to escort him around here, mainly because he doesn't know anything about this place, but also because he asked Twilight if she'd take him here."
"He's also the first human in Equestria after 950 years of there being no humans, so I guess he's graced you with his presence of being one of the first few ponies to actually be properly introduced to him, yadda yadda," Spike continued, his voice a little envious from Rarity's rather quick liking toward Sauce. "So, you... the first human in over 950 years... want me, simple little me... to help you restore your clothing to its former glory?" asked Rarity.
"If that were acceptable with your standards ma'am, I would highly appreciate your efforts, you would be much revered by my standards and I would remember your kindness every day," Sauce replied, smoothing his British accent to the point of where it sounded like each word was spun out of silk.
"I... feel honored to receive such a duty!" she said with excitement, "But I must ask, may I take measurements of you? I need to make sure I get your dimensions right..." she lightly trailed off. "Oh.. and also," she said in a now serious tone, "I need you to remove your clothing so that I may repair it correctly."
Sauce blushed, then jokingly said "At least take me out to dinner first," his own cheeks lightly reddening as Rarity's went a deep maroon. Removing his clothes complacently, he was left in his black boxers, socks and Ushanka, his glasses and pipe still sitting in their prestigious positions.
Twilight, Spike and rarity all found themselves gazing at him, removing his socks lightly, he stretched out his toes and wiggled his fingers. He gave a deep sigh, then said "I've heard of people liking to be free, but this is ridiculous," giving a small smile as he said so.
Rarity casually trotted a full circuit around him, using a tailor's tape to measure widths and lengths specifically, arms, legs, torso, waist. For Sauce, it was mere seconds, but for Rarity, it was peerless hours of self skepticism. Looking at each number, each part, each bone, each muscle... every handsome feature... shaking her head and reasserting awareness, she needed to concentrate on what mattered, the repairs.
He remained inside, as humorous as it would have been to run around in his boxers in Ponyville, it would also likely have Celestia lock him in some form of dungeon for a period of time. He wasn't massive on socialization or skills, but he knew when someone didn't trust him straight away, seeing as conversations were rather awkward with them.
Removing his Ushanka from his head to rid his head of its hot, stuffy feeling, long streams of golden hair fell down out of place from where it once sat. Stopping at about shoulder length, the hair resembled that of a legendary rockers' mullet, briefly looking over to his bag, Sauce extracted a card marked "Shred alert", inspecting it with a small smile.
Touching the center of the card, the Mann Co. technology kicked in, the card retrieving a shrunken guitar from his backpack, then making it grow to its full size. Holding it in his hands, he lightly strummed the guitar, which made the iconic electric guitar sound. It needed no amplifiers, seeing as the tech was advanced beyond the need for amplifiers, it instead just played as if it were its own amplifier, the sound which emanated from it was indescribably awesome.
Playing a medley of songs, he sung to none, but knew his way around a guitar. Ever since the Shred alert card came into the Mann Co. store, it was mandatory that all of Red and Blu team knew how to play a guitar perfectly, Sauce learned pretty easily, seeing as it was just copying a pattern, then using it himself in practice. In all honesty, it served no purpose for the battle, but for entertainment purposes, it was a skill he found to be almost irreplaceable.
Rarity came back an hour later as he was finally growing tired of strumming songs, which Spike and Twilight were rather enjoying to say the least. She gave him his new clothing, folded in a neat pile and warm to the touch, he smiled warmly and said "Thankyou, miss Rarity, I owe you a debt of gratitude."
Upon putting the clothing on, it was softer and warmer than ever, everything having been made from softer and finer materials than before. He crouched down to Rarity, opening his arms out and looking expectantly at her, she approached with caution, but he swept her into a warm, gentle hug of thanks, lightly kissing her upon the forehead.
She embraced Sauce with a small smile, then looked at Twilight, who was actually laughing at how big of a softy Sauce really was. Rarity silently and jokingly mouthed "If anyone asks, this one's taken!" gesturing to him and giggling a little, Twilight rolled her eyes in response, but still smiled nonetheless.
He finally stopped hugging Rarity, placing her gently on the ground then standing up. He asked "Do you need anything for this?" "No, I won't charge, this is free darling, but I do wonder, how is your mane as gold as your hat?" she questioned. "Oh, this is my natural hair color, I was born with snow white hair and as I got older, it progressively got darker, but it stopped at a bright buttercup yellow color." He replied casually.
"Bright sapphire blue eyes, buttercup blonde hair, moderately muscular but not grotesquely muscular. Why is it that I feel as if you are nothing more than an old pony-tale?" Asked Rarity. "Perhaps it's because my race hasn't existed in this realm for 950 years," he stated, "Oh yes, silly me," she replied.
"Well, I wouldn't like to keep lady Rarity waiting, miss Twilight, I'm sure she has more important things to do than let me sit here and flirt with her. So, is there anywhere or anypony else I should absolutely see?" he asked Twilight, looking at Spikes expression of sheer frustration.
"Well, I'm sure Pinky Pie would love to see a new face around here," said Twilight, "Although, I should warn you, she's very energetic. She has been known to easily get to new ponies and steer them round the bend," she finished with a note of concern. "Trust me, if I could have become any more insane, I would have already probably reached the limit of insanity by now. Oh wait, insanity has no limits, that's because it has no rules, it is insanity after all!" he replied with a rather ecstatic tone.
Leaping onto Twilight's back, he lifted his legs up so they didn't touch the ground, then yelled "Onward, my valiant steed!" raising his ubersaw like a sword because it seemed most appropriate. Twilight rolled her eyes, then reared onto her hind hooves to try get Sauce off, he would not budge, regardless of the conditions. "OK, fine then, but only this once!" she said sternly, glaring at him, but his eyes were big begging eyes, no matter how stern, Twilight highly doubted that the look couldn't make any heart melt.
Because Sauce was hardly heavy for a creature of his size, twilight managed to get him to Sugarcube corner relatively quickly by hoof. "Fast, efficient and helps at least two of us!" he exclaimed, looking at Spike who trailed behind, he yelled "Shake a leg there slowpoke!"
"You know, you're more annoying than most ponies here, I can stand most of it, but you seem to be constantly taunting me," snarled Spike through gritted teeth. "I don't mean to, I thought that you'd also want to be my friend... I'm not used to making good friends with anyone anymore, so I just normally repel anyone who tries to get close. I do this because of the incident..."
"A-anyway, that's not the point what happened with LazyPurple and I is now is history," he said, rousing himself from his past experiences. "My point is, whilst I may initially like someone, I don't trust them in entirety, so I sometimes lie, but I mostly tell the truth. Only when I know someone for long enough do they hear secrets from me, GoldenPhoenix is one of the rare people who has stayed on my friends list since day 1."
"So, Sauce... how much does it hurt?" Spike questioned, "To feel so alone, yet have all the friends you do? Surely you must feel... empty."
To this, Sauce went deathly silent, then he said in a low, monotone voice "Drop it, now." Sauce meant business, he often didn't like opening the woulds that comprised his history, but Spike dug especially deep, which only made the wound sting more feverishly.
Twilight couldn't help but feel awkward as the small crowd that gathered near Sugarcube corner all heard Sauce's words. He himself adjusted himself, then placed a professional look on his face to hide the pain, the joy and laughter that normally emitted from this beacon of friendship was merely a mask to distract him from the deep searing pains.
Sauce pushed open the door to the cake shop, seeing the yellowish pony and the aqua-marine colored pony. "Good morning Mr and Mrs. Cake, have you seen Pinky?" Twilight was swift and to the point, hoping no more emotional outbreaks would be caused by Sauce.
Mrs. Cake answered "Last time I checked, she was upstairs, but she's been acting more strange than usual, she says she saw something crash down from space and has not moved from her room..." she carried off as she saw Sauce, trying to hide her initial shock, which was short of failure.
He said "I know, 'OH WOW, LOOK, WHAT A FREAK!' Just stare at me all you like, I'm getting used to feeling like a freak of nature, it suits my disposition better," he sighed with a frustrated tone, he saw Twilight's reaction and knew he had failed already. "Put me in a museum, paint a picture, draw me. It will all last much longer than I will in this world by the looks of things," he continued, his mood massively macabre and dampening.
"Ooooh, the space man is cranky!" exclaimed a voice with a rather cheerful and bubbly personality. "My name is Pinkie Pie, hello Mr. Spaceman, I saw you fly down from space! What's it like up there? Is there enough space in space or is it all cramped up there? Also, I couldn't help but notice you were going really fast! How did you go so fast?!"
"Oh wait, don't tell me! You used a device that was capable of accelerating you two times the speed of light for the ability of inter-dimensional travel, so you randomly punched numbers into a keyboard, you then entered the portal, it sent you to this universe, then exploded upon you leaving that universe so you could come to this one!" Pinkie smiled with glee, Twilight found herself gaping, looking over at Sauce, he also looked rather taken aback, his whole expression changed from depression to impression in under a second.
He felt obliged to ask, a look of interest deeply engraved upon his face, "How do you know all of this exactly, Miss Pie?" "Oh I didn't, it's just a hunch!" she replied, which really did blow Sauce's mind. "You must have improbably good hunches then. By the way, my name is doctor Sauce," he casually said.
"Ooooooooh! What kind of sauce? Tomato, Garlic, Onion, BBQ, Relish, Mustard, Mint or Mystery?!" she asked excitedly. "Not those kinds of sauces, although that joke has been made many times by many of my old friends," he replied gently. "Are you sure I wouldn't just lick you and you'll taste of sauce? You never know, you could taste like any kind of sauce!" she seemed to really want to follow through with this.
Sauce crouched down and pulled up his sleeve, exposing his arm. He smiled, but said in a half sarcastic tone "If you insist that I taste of sauce, you can find out for yourself, although I warn you, I'm not much of a prime rib." He laughed gently, but nopony else really did, he then said to himself "Human meat related jokes... total mood killer in this universe."
Pinkie nonetheless pounced on him, wrapping her rather soft lips around his arm. Sauce could feel her tongue running up and down his arm, slathering it almost entirely in drool, he laughed because it actually tickled slightly. With his free arm, he ran a hand through Pinkie's mane, smelling his hand, he silently questioned "Cotton candy pony?"
Pinkie stopped licking his arm and withdrew her mouth from his arm, "You don't taste of anything, I was so sure that you would though. They should call you Dr. Plain, not Dr. Sauce, that's a name that makes me hungry for sauce." He smiled "It's my birth name, I'm not going to replace it any time soon. Plus, if I were entirely British, my parents would have called me Adam Wheatfield, which would have made you hungry for wheat!" he played along with Pinkie's joke.
"Huh, well, I've never met someone of your kind before Saucy, what are you anyway?" she asked. "I'm a Human, according to Celestia my kind hasn't existed here for 950 years. So that's probably why you've never seen anything like me around," he answered.
He lifted her up and inspected her, "You're a pink pudgy pony with a candyfloss mane, with a personality that could drive anyone insane." He spun a small, rhyme, then hugged her, saying "Luckily I have no means to object, I've already been round the bend in a matter of subject. So I guess we can be friends till the ends, if that's what you want."
She giggled lightly, but exclaimed "Hey, I'm not pudgy!" "You're right, you're not, but whatever you call it it makes you cute and tickleable!" he said with excitement, tickling Pinkie's belly. Bucking about each hoof and laughing in delight, Pinkie was enjoying all the attention that Sauce was giving her.
Twilight cleared her throat after about 10 minutes of watching Sauce play around with her friend in the cake shop. He stood up, lightly booping Pinkie on the nose before trying to resume a controlled demeanour, lightly masking small chuckles as Mr and Mrs. Cake both equally tried to stand on their own hooves, too busy laughing at the antics that ensued.
Small miscellaneous giggles escaped random spectators as the scene calmed down. Sauce saw all the happy faces around him, which made him smile widely, feeling appreciated. "Pinky, the reason I'm here is because Twilight and Spike wanted to show me around, I don't really know much about this place," he said. "But I'm sure as I get familiar with the surroundings, it won't bother me so much. Heck, I might even get a chance to have my own house here, that is if princess Celestia or even Twilight were to give me permissions."
Sauce continued, "If this community could grow to like me, I think I would highly consider becoming a permanent resident. Also, I couldn't help but notice, for a pony society, you do have awful big Human sized doors and houses."
"Actually, that's normally to accommodate the griffins and other larger creatures," said Twilight. "If your book hasn't explained, most of the other creatures that come through Ponyville generally are larger than pony kind, so it was declared by Celestia some time ago that all buildings should be made to accommodate any large and presumably neutral creature."
She continued "Of course, you've read that book back to front, but I can logically confirm that at least 95% of the creatures exist in this world, there are some that're not mentioned in the book too, like Changelings."
"Changwha?" he questioned in response, the looks of every pony becoming rather grim. "Changelings... unlike any other race... aren't limited by the rules of our society. They can take on the form of anypony you know, normally a pony you love and cherish quite dearly," she said in a low tone.
"In essence they could become anypony at anytime, disregarding the fact that the pony may have their personal lives deeply interfered with by the destruction they may cause. They don't care how much they ruin somepony's life, so long as they harvest the emotions of love and happiness from them, that's all that matters." With a sigh, Twilight finished, Sauce looked intrigued.
"So, if I wished to study a 'Changeling' to understand why it acted like this, I suppose the resources I need wouldn't be openly available. If I'm assuming correctly, your society is far away from their kind," he said with a slight curiosity. "Don't. Ever. Go. Near. Them. EVER!" she commanded, "It's a stupid suicide mission that has only resulted in the husks of ponies returning to us!"
"Emptied of all emotion except for despair... cold, desolate and lonesome, their hunger for emotion is just like that of the changelings, but they can be restored after years of close and personal care!" she said in frustration. "I will avoid that then, I'm sorry Miss Sparkle, I didn't mean to upset you," said Sauce in a low-key tone.
"Ethulwulf, you've not upset me. I'm just slightly frustrated that anyone would even consider it, even you, you're a smart being," she said. "Ethulwulf... is a name that only my lover can use, Miss Sparkle, unless you are speculating that you love me, you will call me Dr. Sauce from now on."
"WAIT!" Yelled Pinkie, "So you're telling me that he's Doctor E. Sauce?! That means he's also Mr. E. Sauce, MYSTERY SAUCE! TWILIGHT, HE'S A MYSTERY!" He face-palmed and smiled with a small, somewhat forced smile, then said "Yes Pinkie, Mr. E. Sauce, you solved the biggest mystery of them all."
"Now if private investigator Sherlock Pones is done here," Sauce paused for laughter, "Then If the Cakes don't mind, I'll bring Pinkie here along with me for the adventures. By the name of myself, a little comic humour would do this group the world of good."
Desperately, both the Cakes tried to hide their elation of not having to handle 3 children, but Sauce picked up on the emotions by the looks on their faces. He was guessing Twilight and Spike had picked up on it too, mainly because they scowled quite darkly in confirmation to each-other.
Pinkie, however, was already prepared, Sauce didn't even blink, let alone react to the fact that a rather large "Adventure bag!" as she so 'delicately' put it, had appeared before him. He thought he moved fast, travelling at twice the speed of light, but clearly even Pinky could best him or any of his inventions without any knowledge at all.
Carrying the pink pony outside on his shoulders, it was quite a spectacle to say the least. Nonetheless, the journey will be long and tiresome, one more on their party who can entertain shouldn't harm in any way.
"We have Applejack and Fluttershy left, seeing as I, Spike, Rarity, Dash And Pinkie have seen you. I must make sure all my friends know you, so that they'll be comfortable. We'll leave Fluttershy 'till last, she's rather timid, to say the least," Twilight said, looking at her own companion who rode her back, still somewhat upset by recent events.
"Off to Applejack then!" cried Pinky, sauce smiled and agreed, "Applejack, ready or not, here we come!"
Sauce ran off with Pinkie, who was his new guide, taking him to Sweet Apple Acres. Twilight was desperately trying to keep up with them, not necessarily the most athletic pony.
However, Twilight remembered one thing, no matter what, Applejack was trustworthy and honest, she could help her with her Saucy situation.
[Continued in Chapter 5]
Author's Note
This will possibly be the longest chapter, stay tuned folks.
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Dr. Sauce's Equestrian adventures
Chapter 5: Brevity is the soul of wit, Miss Applejack
Of all the curiosities in the world, perhaps one of the most curious is seeing a man with a golden headgear and winter clothing running down a dirt path with a pink pony, laughing as she enjoyed the whole experience. However, in the Equestrian universe, these curiosities were mere everyday occurrences, except for the man's existence itself.
Sauce asked "Where to, Pinkie?" smiling away as his newest crew member was clearly enjoying herself. "Over there, toward that apple orchard, that's where Applejack is!" she exclaimed. Steering himself toward the apple orchard, his general fast pace meant that Twilight and Spike were left trailing behind, which made Pinky giggle.
"Wow, I can see Twilight from up here!" she said with excitement, "She's really far away though, shouldn't we slow down?" she asked her voice a little worried. "Well, we're here, Miss Pie," Sauce replied, "So, I guess I can place you on the ground, whilst I can have a rest."
Sitting down, Sauce found a little rest-bit to take in the surroundings, it was clearly Summer, barely even midday, since his arrival, the days seemed to drag on for quite some time. "Miss Pie, have you ever stopped one second to take in the beauty of this world?" Sauce asked, sitting down calmly, looking at her as she simply shook her head in response.
"This world has a wonderful palette of colours, 'palette', must be a French word. Never thought of words much before now," he said idly, his mind trailing off. "Uh, Saucy, you're kinda babbling a bit there," Pinkie said, a slight look of concern on her otherwise happy face.
Before he could remind Pinkie of how much she talked, Twilight managed to finally trudge up to them. Slightly out of breath and otherwise unable to possess the physical inclination to gallop for long periods of time. "You know what Miss Sparkle, you don't have an inch of fat on you, yet you move like a morbidly obese Human. Have you ever taken time to exercise all your muscles, not just your brain, but your entire body?" Sauce asked.
"No Sauce, unfortunately I've been reading my books so often that I have had little time to move about. It would be beneficial to me on trips like this if I were more physically inclined like Applejack or Rainbow Dash," Twilight responded. He said "Well, if you ever need fitness training, I was trained for free by the Mann-cademy to run pretty much as far as I like, so long as I live."
"Thanks for the offer, but I think it's time we focus," she said, looking at Pinkie and Spike. "Spike has been really looking out for you since your arrival. He's been stopping anypony from interfering with you," she continued. "Well, I don't mean to be that guy, but it doesn't really make much difference. Every pony has seen me in that town and I bet they're either frightened of me or curious about me. So it makes no difference to me," Sauce replied.
"You're welcome," Spike said snidely to him, scowling as the words slithered from his mouth with venom. Sauce said "Okay, I get it, I haven't appreciated anything you've been doing! What can I say?! I'm sorry! I'll stop just being an ungrateful moron and actually, I hope you realise it's hard for me to be grateful seeing as people hardly appreciate what I do!"
"I'm sorry that my please and thank you aren't on the top of my agenda at this moment in time," he continued with a sigh. "To be honest, I've never actually considered anyone else. In fact, I'm probably the least considerate person of my universe. I tried to beg other people to give me their items so that I could get a ushanka like this one, but imbued with the power of sunbeams. It was going to be so cool," Sauce said casually.
This statement made the trip up to the barn house very awkward, Twilight was actually the first to the door. It didn't take long at all to get to where they needed to be, but even with his limited ability to read emotions, it was clear to Sauce that everything was rather tense.
Twilight knocked her hoof on the door thrice, a Texan voice responded, muffled in the distance, "I'll be right with ya, jus' hang on there!" Looking at her, Twilight looked back to Sauce with a look that clearly said "Behave." Seeing as he was already making a bad name for himself, he decided to minimize how much he would talk. Clearly if he was to ever tell his entire history, it would make him out to be some sadistic criminal with very little to lose.
Forcing himself not to talk, the awkward walk toward the barn house only made more awkward by the silence that ensued. Twilight was first to the door, knocking upon it thrice with a hoof. "I'mma comin', hold on there!" A voice with a rather distinguishable Texan accent emitted from one of the rooms in the house, muffled by the walls in the way.
"Oh good, hopefully Applejack isn't too busy and can spare some time," Twilight said. Looking toward Sauce, she also said "Behave yourself," which he now felt was obligatory due to his recent actions. With a rather aged creaking, the door was in desperate need of oiling. However, Sauce found it quite curious that a pony with a Texan hat answered the door, of all the ponies, she seemed to be the only one possessing headgear so far.
Looking at Sauce, she was stunned. She muttered to Twilight "Uh, Twi, I know that you got me to help with Luna that one time during nightmare night, but this'n is different." "Oh Applejack, I know, just give him a chance. I know he's different, but this is your chance to be one of the few lucky enough to actually talk with him," she responded.
"You do realise I can hear both of you," Sauce said in a monotone line, his eyes flicking between Applejack and Twilight. "I'm more than obliged not to be rude, but the least you could do is not talk about me in front of my face, just tell me how you feel to my face," he continued.
Applejack looked at him, "Uh, sorry, it's just I got myself stuck into a rather bad position last time I helped somepony who was different. Plus, you ain't even somepony, you're something... I ain't even sure what you are," she said. "I'm Human," he casually replied, looking at Twilight out of the corner of his eye, she was keeping a stern expression on her face.
"Miss Applejack, it was a pleasure meeting you and I'm sure I'd love to get acquainted with you, but this story is getting nowhere and the author has writers block," Sauce said.
"Auth- wha'?" asked Applejack, Twilight looked at Sauce concerned. "Author, the guy who's writing this," he said, breaking the fourth wall to save the author at that point.
I'm sorry, I truly am, but for some reason, this Applejack chapter is giving me writers block, so I'm going to end it off here. I'm serious.
"Well, uh, I guess we're going to meet Fluttershy then?" Twilight asked Sauce. "Yeah, hopefully there's going to be more imagination juices flowing," he said.
At that point, the colourful landscape became mere pencil drawings, then the animator finally quit her job after two years of abuse. Then, the frames containing Twilight, Sauce, Spike and Pinkie were lazily dragged off scene, Applejack stood there looking at them with bare minimum facial features, it all went black as "CUT OFF PREVENTION" was displayed on the screen.
Truly, this was the worst chapter I could have written, hopefully chapter 6 is better.
[End chapter 5]
Dr. Sauce's Equestrian adventures
Chapter 6: Flutter butter, Saucymench
They were already stood by Fluttershy's cottage. Sauce, Spike, Twilight and Pinkie, all looking onto the animals and the nature that surrounded this almost enchanted little hut. It was quite a sight to say the least, its own magical forest seemed to materialise only when you believed it all to be real.
"Come on Sauce, Fluttershy isn't that bad," said Pinkie, cutting off one of his prior concerns, "I think she'll really like you!" she exclaimed. "But so far, all I've ended up with is Spike getting jealous about the joke Rarity made when she was hugging me. Plus, Rainbow Dash was not really sticking around and Applejack..." Sauce trailed off, the rest of his sentence was just a mumble.
"Oh come on Saucy, cheer up," Pinkie said, looking to Twilight for help. "Come on doctor, Fluttershy would love to meet you, I'm sure of it," Twilight said to support Pinkie. Looking toward the cottage, it was Twilight who knocked first, as she always did. A yellowish coloured pony opened the door, Sauce looked toward her, the pink mane she owned draped over half her face.
"Hello Fluttershy, we brought you a new animal, a talking one," said Twilight, looking toward Sauce. "Hey, that's rather uncalled for, so what if I was uncivil with your friends, I just need some guidance as to what the heck I'm supposed to do here." He replied, looking at Twilight.
"uh... I... can help..." Fluttershy said timidly, looking at Sauce with a small smile. "Well... show me the way then, miss Fluttershy," Sauce said complacently.
[This is where I gave up]
