Chapter Fourteen: Sun Tzu Wants More Snoo Snoo

Rainbow Dash hovered over the carcass that was Rarity Gemma. The alabaster mare looked, well, dead. "So, do you think we killed her? And we're maybe a quarter of the way to Canterlot. We could always toss her off the cliffs when we get there."

"Rainbow, you can see she is still breathing." Twilight sighed, prodding Rarity for a response.

"I was joking," Dash mumbled.

Twilight glanced around at her friends before settling her eyes on the blue pegasus above her. "Besides, I think that's a suggestion that I need to make first. I'm the one with the magic who could pull it off."

Dash bit her bottom lip. "Okay, so that isn't the least bit creepy, Doctor Twilight."

"But you aren't a doctor, Twilight." Fluttershy gently stroked a forehoof up and down Rarity's faintly moving chest, scratching at the pristine coat underneath. "You really have no idea what you are talking about other than theory." Fluttershy looked up at Twilight. "I think she's just really, really high with the way her right forehoof is tapping lightly onto her coat. Her eyelids are fluttering consistently with what I see in most of my clients. She's alright."

"Hah!" Rainbow stabbed a forehoof into Twilight's side, twirling through the air in victory. "You just got owned by Fluttershy, again-oww my tail!" Rainbow Dash hung limply in the air with her wild tail momentarily turned into a razor of prismatic hair, magic squeezing the hair into a blade. Her crotch was exposed to the world, and yet, not a single blush was on her muzzle. "What is with you grabbing my tail all the time, Twilight? I have a nice aircraft carrier, I know! Either clean the runway, put fuel inside of it, or suck on my bomb crater. I also don't exactly have a pain tolerance to tail yanking."

"No she doesn't!" Pinkie oinked, stroking the ironing board of Rainbow's tail evilly. "So what you have to do, is pull it a hoof from the base and-"

Rainbow glanced in delight back down at Pinkie Pie. "Hey, Pinkie, remember when I used the chopping board as a paddle? I remember you-"

"Oh look, generic gum over here!" Pinkie whistled casually to check under the seats of the train, trying to hide the burning cherry that began to fissure over her cheeks. It wasn't working.

Applejack, was not amused by the stupidity of her friends. It was one thing to absolutely poke fun of Rarity for the amusement of everypony around her, but it was another for them to do it when the mare was down and out. She had to draw the line. Somewhere. "Pershing's penis, can ya twoshut it?" she mumbled, resting her muzzle in her own mane. Her blond tail hung loosely over the sides of her couch. "She's wakin' up. I think."

"Give her a minute, Applejack." Fluttershy smiled, turning around to give Applejack a playful wink. "She's most likely having the best dream of her life. Let her enjoy it! The longer she's there, the more she has to tell us!"

"Wait a second, penis!?" Pinkie Pie landed on top of Applejack, who grunted out in agony at the sudden, pudgy pony standing on her. Pinkie looked down at her current carpet with a beaming smile. "Oh oh oh, is it the hovering out of nowhere kind, Applejack!? I've always wondered what they taste like, not having a body attached to them."

Applejack simply slammed her snout into the seat base. "Sometimes... I think Pinkie's retarded."

Recently freed of her magical prison, Dash flew over to Applejack, scooping up Pinkie Pie and plopping her down on the ground like a cat jumping up on the wrong counter top. "But don't you think of me like that too, Applejack?"

Applejack nodded. "I do, RD, and that's why I feel smart."

Rainbow snorted derisively. "Feel smart."

Hearing about one of her defining traits, Twilight Sparkle turned to end the argument, once and for all. "I'm just not going to mention I'm the one with a bachelors degree at twenty," she gleamed, stroking the front of her chest in a momentarily boast. "Almost done with two more."

"But... you just did, Twilight." Rainbow blinked, scratching the back of her mane.

Twilight ignored the comment, turning her attention toward Applejack. "So, Applejack, would you like to talk about poly-cultural crop rotation? I've learned so much from your practical applications."

Pinkie Pie snorted childishly from under a seat. "Heh! Crop rotation."

Rainbow folded her forehooves, blowing at her bangs. "I'm getting a degree, and I would be getting two if I didn't drop out of one like an idiot." She chuckled dryly, eyeing the bemusement in both Applejack's and Twilight's eyes. "Might go get it anyways. Could be a good back up career."

"Smartflanking and idiocy?" Twilight asked, flicking her tail. "You're on your post doctorate research on both, Rainbow Dash. I just completed my masters on smartflanking; you've been a good mentor." She gave Dash a playful wink. "Honestly? On that, thanks."

"But where did she get the stupidity degree?" Applejack stroked her chin, glancing at the gum searching Pinkie. She gave Twilight a shrug of her broad shoulders. "I got nothin'."

"Hmm," Twilight pondered, sitting herself down beside Applejack. "I'll get back to you on that."

Rainbow's wings flapped harder, a faint growl trundling out of her mouth. "Exercise Physiology and Pegasi' Structural Engineering. I dropped out of the later-"

Twilight leaned forward, sharing a look of awe that Applejack also held on her muzzle. She summed up both of their thoughts. "I usually am not this blunt, but you have to be shitting me, Rainbow Dash." She was on a roll with her study of curse words and their ample ability to become just about anything they wanted to be. In a grammatical sense of course. Applejack was about to comment on the unexpected word choice, but was soon enough interrupted by Rainbow.

"Really?" Dash growled. "You think I just trotted into this body?Who has the massive floating pimped out pad? I do. Who do you think built it? My dad, and me. You think cloudcrete is just, push into place and done?"

Rainbow continued, landing in front of her two friends, giving their muzzles a firm poke. "Did you know that liquid rainbow is made by channeling sunlight through a prism, distilling it through a Tesla coil, chilling it with liquid nitrogen, and then reheating it until it reaches room temperature? No, you didn't. I make fun of AJ, but growing crops isn't easy or stupid work either, so you know, Twilight, being a top athelete isn't something you can just bullshit into either."

"I... I didn't know, Rainbow, I'm sorry." Twilight looked away meekly, her eyes bordering on tears. "It was just a joke, and I didn't know that you wanted to be like your father. That's really admirable."

"And... I didn't either, sugercube." Applejack scoffed at the couch shyly. "Well... Abrams anus, I feel like an idiot now."

Dash landed beside her friends, wrapping a wing around both of them. She let out a deep, loud sigh, cursing under her breath. "It's okay you two, I'm just pent up, and you know that. Just... nopony ever asked." Dash smiled softly. "It's okay though, cause... I kind of do act like a dick ya know, so I earned all of that. Just remember, I'm more complex then ya think. Isn't that, kinda a running gag with me?"

"Tell me about it," Twilight laughed, nuzzling quietly into Dash's neck. "You bottle up way too much, Rainbow, and that explains... a lot. You might need me as a therapist."

"Hottest therapist I know," Rainbow winked.

"Amen to that," Applejack nodded. Her snout scrunched up into her neck as her words exited her muzzle, a flaming red blush blasting over her cheeks. Twilight and Rainbow giggled loudly. "I-I-I said I need my hat! I feel lonely not wearin' it."

Rainbow ruffled a wing messily through her friend's flowing blond mane. "You're the hottest earth pony I know, and the hat means I can't see your face as well. Gonna have to deal with not wearing it tonight."

Pinkie Pie poked her muzzle out from underneath their seats. "Just do each other and get it over with!" She laid underneath the seat contently. "No, really. Just do it. You'll-epp!"

"You owe me a hug though," Rainbow said, a hind hoof inside of Pinkie Pie's muzzle. "Well, okay, you don't owe me one, but... I'll take it!"

"That, I can do. Come here." Twilight wrapped her forehooves around Dash's lean and curved shoulders, giving the pegasus a tight, firm squeeze, sinking her hooves into the fluffy coat.

Dash sighed happily in delight. "Mmm. Twi' hug! Best of hugs. And I get to look at your sweaty butt when I help you lose weight in the future. That's my-"

As quickly as the hug began, Rainbow Dash was magically shoved into Applejack by the unicorn, violet eyes staring darkly at Rainbow barking out in laughter. "You are such a pervert!"

"Never denied that!" Dash squealed, soon joined in by the cackles of Applejack underneath her.

"Shh!" Fluttershy hissed, "she's waking up!"

Rarity opened her sapphire eyes to the usual sound of her friends giving a pristine example of why the six of them were not fit to be considered the ideal role model for children. Perhaps it was how they loved each other and how they would stick by one another through Tartarus and back? Their bickering was all in playful fun. Most of the time.

No, that logic just didn't fit with the six of them. Divine providence just had a sick sense of humor.

It didn't matter at the current moment though, because the unicorn was so damn high.

"You know," Rarity began, her bloodshot eyes looking at her peers, "I can tell you exactly how I feel right now."

All five of her friends shuffled forward toward Rarity quickly, as if she had just come back from the dead. Rainbow and Fluttershy hung in the air, as Twilight and Applejack rested a forehoof each on Rarity's knees. Pinkie Pie simply bounced up and down with the springing excitement that was considered a trade marked sound.

Rarity coughed loudly, sitting up with her forehooves pushed into the floor. Her blue eyes slowly tracked over the excited, curious eyes of her friends. "Have you ever been in public, or the movie theater, a party - it doesn't matter - and you've had to hold in a massive bit of flatulence? It can just ruin your night. And you hold it in, and hold it in, and hold it in, and it grows, and grows, and grows, and finally, you can go to the bathroom." She tittered drunkenly, resting her head on the seat behind her. "I feel like I just released myself."

Rainbow Dash dragged a forehoof across her snout, letting out a furious groan. "So it's disgusting when I talk about farting but completely okay when she does it? Give me that vaporizer, Rarity!"

"Well." Twilight blinked, scratching an ear. "That was unexpected. I'm not sure if I want to try it now."

"You don't get it, Twilight!" Pinkie grabbed Twilight firmly, shaking her violently. "It's so good, that it can switch our personalities around! Don't you see the possibilities? It means I can be normal. It means Fluttershy can have confidence. It's the greatest drug since... since..."

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Aspirin? I'm pretty sure it isn't."

"Oh, but it's so bloody close," Rarity rumbled. She stood up slowly, shaking herself off with a nickering sigh of content, eyeing the pegasus as Rainbow took a few quiet, almost philosophical puffs on the stick. "Please try it, everypony. I feel like I've just received a full body massage with a happy ending, finished a dress, duck taped your mouth, Rainbow Dash, and successfully got you and Twilight Sparkle to date, love, marry and live happily ever after with a beautiful wedding in Canterlot and-"

Her five friends blinked in unison, all five of their muzzles blank. They looked at each other in silent agreement, processing the information and their own planning as one. It was as if a collective link had been established. The whole night had been explained, and it only required drugging up Rarity.

“Well,” Applejack began, licking her bottom lip, “this solves ‘n explains just about every problem we got. And we didn't even need ta play Truth or Dare. Maybe reefer madness can really help make the world a better place.”

Twilight raised a forehoof, unable to keep a wide smile from spreading across her muzzle. "Not to mention, Rarity, that when Rainbow, Applejack and I compared evidence and what had happened today, we pretty much knew you were doing this several hours ago. You just admitted to your own scheming."

Her eyes turned into disks of purple dew, gasping in shock. "So maybe Pinkie is right. This drug could be the ultimate lie detector!"

Fluttershy grinned, clopping her forehooves together. "I could make a fortune, and use it to secretly sabotage logging companies in Brayzil. I can save the rain forest!"

For a few seconds, Rarity stood there in mute silence, the gears of her active and keen mind churning together what she had just said. The magically infused THC had numbed part of her brain and awakened others. Clearly, it had activated the parts she didn't exactly want to be known. But it was too late.

She opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again. “Well. Buck,” she said flatly. “This weed is so good I have turned into Applejack. Well played, Fluttershy, well played.”

“But, I didn't do or plan anything,” Fluttershy said sweetly.

"And it makes Rarity swear!" Pinkie shook Twilight again, listening to her friend whinny in protest at being violently moved. "I told you! But you didn't listen to me!"

Rarity pulled herself up onto her seat, laying down on her side. She felt both wide awake and exhausted at the same time, coughing politely on instinct to change the subject.

She did an awful job at doing it. “I’m just going to inhale through my nose, and completely let myself forget that my entire hidden agenda for this evening was compromised by a stupendously good batch of marijuana." She hummed casually, looking at her own forehoof. "And now, I am only reconfirming what I could have attempted to fix, and my mouth just seems to keep on running, as it is apt to do from time to time. And you know what? Frankly my dears, I just don’t give a damn. It feels wonderful not to be paranoid about scheming things." She tilted her head toward Rainbow Dash, who seemed content to take her time and take very small, suckling nips on the drug. "You really should try it, Twilight sweetie."

Twilight bit her bottom lip nervously. “I kind of want to enjoy how Fluttershy inadvertently helped me have a strategic victory. You know, me effortlessly dominating you without even having to try. Typical results when people play me in strategy games."

"Now calm down there, Twi'," Applejack faintly growled, her emerald eyes glaring at her. "Don't pull a Dasha now."

Looking slowly back at Applejack, Twilight sighed quietly. "Why do I have such high ethical standards for myself?"

Hovering in the air and puffing for the last time onto the vaporizer, Rainbow's magenta eyes looked down at the long, silver staff. She pulled it away slowly, blowing out a jet of water vapor from her nose. “Holy, crap,” Rainbow whistled, landing on top of a seat lazily. “This... this is different than any pot we’ve ever tried. This is like, the solving of world problems kind of weed, and I feel only slightly dizzy. You gotta try this. It’s like, the essence of being a pony kind of weed.”

"Mother of Celestia," Pinkie mumbled under her breath, "it's turned Dash into a hipster. I don't know if this is amazing, or I should begin to immediately kill her." She stroked her chin. "Decisions, decisions."

Twilight shook her head at Rainbow. "We should talk about what's going on first, since this has changed everything. Now we can be, well, adults, and discuss exactly who has feelings for who, and-”

“Try the damn weed!” Rainbow yelled, shoving the vaporizer into Twilight's muzzle, and holding down the trigger like a good friend should.

"Yes!" Pinkie cheered with a hoof pump. "I don't have to kill her! Whew. Annoying hipsters are my mortal enemies. As is Thor."

"You will love it," Rarity giggled, keeping the trigger down with a thrum of her magic.

Applejack bit her bottom lip. "I... I should stop this, but the simple thought of seein' Twi' completely gone sounds interestin'." Her ears folded by the side of her muzzle. "I'm ashamed of myself."

"There, there, Applejack," Fluttershy cooed, wrapping a wing around Applejack. "It's just harmless fun, and Pinkie is right: sometimes, you have to force Twilight down and show her things. You know it's true about you, and I certainly know it's true about Rainbow."

Applejack took a step backwards. "That... that is perhaps the most messed up moral I've ever heard comin' from you, Fluttershy."

Fluttershy dug her forehooves into Applejack's coat, her mako colored eyes radioactive with anger. "It cost me nearly five thousand bits to get just the seeds, and a year to grow it. So you're gonna like it, and let her like it. Got it?"

Applejack gulped down a ball of saliva, nodding her head as she watched the ungraceful flailing of Twilight's futile attempts to physically stop Rainbow. Twilight had the best of friends.

Twilight coughed as she choked on air, scoffing at the ground to gather her bearing. “Forcing me to try an illegal drug doesn't help with friendship, Rainbow."

“I don’t know,” Pinkie pondered, taking the vaporizer for herself. “We forced you into a lot of things, Twi’, and they helped you in the long run. Like alcohol, and sex toys, and talking to ponies, and helping your Asper-”

Pinkie Pie screeched as she held her left eye with a forehoof, falling over onto a couch with a whimper. “What the hay, girls!? Why is everypony hitting me in the eye today?”

It was impossible for Twilight not to turn her head around with a snide grin, flicking her tail casually. “Opps. Sorry, Pinkie, I think it was a muscle twitch.”

“Hmph!” Pinkie pouted, suckling onto the glimmering shaft. “I’m watching you, Twilight. You can be a meanie when-woah..." Pinkie leaned forward, flicking her own mostly unpuffed tail behind herself. "Twilight... you, are cute. Dashie was right, I love what beat you got bumpin' in that trunk of yours!"

"You see?" Dash grinned. "I have a good taste in mares. I'm not the gay pride of Equestria for nothin'."

Laying back down on her couch with a seductive grin, Twilight curled her tail around her side, stroking the striped length idly with a forehoof. “Are you now, Pinkie?” she nickered, her eyes turning into sultry slits of glowing amethysts. "Thanks. I'd say the same with your new hair and your caboose, Pinkie. I'm sure you'll get some colts and mares coming to you tonight. I'd come to you in more ways than one."

"Is... Twilight flirting with Pinkie?" Fluttershy said. "This is-"

“Shh!’ Dash said, pressing a forehoof to Fluttershy's muzzle. “She’s being hot. Never, interrupt Twilight being hot. This is off the charts hot."

Applejack twirled a forehoof through her blond mane. “Ya know, sometimes, I think we’re a train wreck waitin' to happen. I'm not sure if we are better sober, or drunk, or high. Things screw up around us. Or... we're just screwed up, and we don't know it."

“Shh!” Rarity hissed, pulling her newly acquired orange pillow. “We’re watching our lovely purple project show how wonderfully grown up she has become. Oh you magnificent mare, go Twilight!”

“Well," Applejack sighed, letting her mane and coat be brushed to Rarity's content, "I guess she had to lose that final bit of her innocence one day. You all can blame me for givin' up on tryin' to save our foalhoods."

"I was innocent once?" Dash asked, rolling over on her seat like a pet dog. "Cause I could go on forever about Flight School, and what I used to do." She stuck out her tongue playfully.

Applejack slammed her head into the seat once more, accepting her fate as Rarity's current pet pony. "Ya know, reefer madness might really be the solution. For me."

“U-U-umm, Twilight?” Pinkie asked, removing the vaporizer from her muzzle. “I-I’m pretty sure you never had eyeliner before. I-I-It makes you sexy-I-I-I mean-” She was blushing much more than the pot should of made her.

Rarity cooed happily, squeezing her Apple plushy. “Yes! I gave her eyeliner the same color as her muzzle and eyes, so you can only notice it when she purrs like she does. Oh my wonderful Twilight Sparkle, do you sparkle!” Abandoning Applejack as effortlessly as she took the earth mare, Rarity reached forward to kiss Twilight on the cheek, stroking through her silky mane. “Ohh how fine your hair is! I-”

“Hah! She fell for it!” Twilight couldn't help but break out into a flood of cackles, burying her muzzle into Rarity’s neck. “I was thinking to myself with this new look I could practice some postural flirtation theories, and clearly, it worked! Pinkie Pie was flirting with me earlier, and I was successfully able to flirt back!”

Pinkie Pie mumbled incoherently to herself, puffing out air from the end of her muzzle. She was not amused. “Well, at least I got this for it." She pulled on the trigger longer, her cerulean eyes relaxing as they closed in contemplation. When they opened, Pinkie looked not like herself, but like she was in an odd peace. "Wow. Rainbow Dash was right. I feel like both sides of my personality are one for the first time in eight years! This... is incredible! You've saved me from myself!"

"I have absolutely no idea what she's talkin' about." Applejack said, taking the silver rod from Pinkie firmly. "And so, I'm gonna use this, like Rarity, and have absolutely no idea what's goin' on anymore." She folded her ears as she looked down at the vaporizer. "I'm gonna miss you, brain."

"Pinkie Pie has two personalities, like Twilight does when she's CORAD insane." Dash said, poking Applejack's cheek with a forehoof. "I rarely ever see her... well... something where Pinkie would not be Pinkie, so this is kinda interesting."

Placing the rod in her mouth with a shrug, Applejack eyed the giggling and half cuddling unicorns beside her as she sat down on the floor. Her emerald eyes stared off into the distance as she clicked on the trigger, puffing out air from the end of her mouth. "Very interestin' taste," she said. "Kinda earthy, chocolate, and spiced all at once. How in the hay did they do that?"

"You have to realize, Applejack, that this is grown by the Neighterland's royal family." Fluttershy hummed, hanging her forehooves over Rainbow's sides. She laid beside her fellow pegasus, having perched top of Rainbow like a house cat. She idly stroked through the long chromatic mane in front of her. "They have mages and some of the finest botanists who worked together over hundreds of years to make this. Since it's legal over there, they really made it into a science. I'm not even sure if it should be called cannabis with how magically changed and enhanced it is." She smiled peacefully at Applejack. "Do you mind me trying it?

"Well you bought it so I think-Rainbow!"

"Tehe!" Dash giggled, puffing on the stolen stick. "I haven't felt like not making a rude joke since... well the last time I made myself so sore I couldn't move."

"Oh my!" Fluttershy gasped. "This has to be potent if it can keep you from making jokes, Dashie." She took hold of the vaporizer with a wing, singing to herself as she puffed on its tip.

"Well I'll keep the sarcasm going then." Twilight laughed, idly scratching Rarity behind the ear. "This must be what you feel like, Rarity, just not having to worry about things." She held onto Twilight with a forehoof around her stomach, listening to the nickers of content rumbling from Rarity's stomach.

"Do you have any idea how panicked I've been about today?" Rarity looked up at Twilight. "I mean, yes, I have completely and utterly lost at this point, but hopefully, things can only look up from here, no? I just wanted all of us to explode, and for you, Twilight, to, well, find love. Not that we all don't love you. I just think we could all use a good shag by this point, or just this." She smiled up at Twilight. "I like not having to worry, and yet... able to think clearly at the same time."

"My Pinkie Sense tells me if we weren't on this train, this would become an orgy in about an hour." Pinkie Pie laid down on her stomach, and in fact, for the first time in recent history, looked and was acting like any pony of relative sanity would. Who had the ability to predict the future and the past. Ponies from across the ocean had inadvertently figured out how to tame the untamable. For a few hours.

Twilight smiled a strategist's smile. "How do you know it won't, Pinkie? Maybe that'll be my revenge on all of you. Or, maybe I'll tie you all up and tease Rarity in front of you all and make you all beg for me to do it to you. Or maybe..."

Four pairs of brightly colored eyes turned into dots of fear, far too sober and more than capable of understanding the implications of Twilight's words. Twilight flushed in sudden understanding, letting out a quiet, innocent pony squee to deflect her words. "Or maybe... we'll just party! Heheh. I like partying!" Her magic pulled away the vaporizer from Fluttershy, deconstructing it to add more grass. "I... might want to get that side of me checked out."

Pinkie Pie leaned forward darkly, her blue eyes staring down Twilight's. "You magnificent bastard, you read my future predicting book! How could you predict you going insane and forcing us to be your sex slaves! You-"

"Pinkie," Twilight said flatly, "you were with me when I found the time traveling spell. And I was joking. Mostly."

"Oh, buck!" Dash gasped. "There's a time traveling spell out there, and you know it, Twilight?" Sweat began to pour down her neck. "Okay, what happened in the bathrooms of the Colosseum was totally consensual, and they liked it. I was in heat, and had been flirting all night, and I didn't mind what they did, or the mess we made! Honest!"

"Rainbow Lightning Dash." Fluttershy leaned over to take the newly rebuilt vaporizer from Twilight, inserting it into Rainbow's muzzle. "I hate to say this, but you might be a nymphomaniac."

Pinkie tapped her forehooves together rapidly on the couch. "Yeah, Fluttershy is right. Now I'm a fan of parties, but if you go that far, you have a problem, Rainbow."

"I'm so glad I can't picture what she did right now," Applejack sighed happily, falling over onto her back. "That, is so nice."

Twilight stroked her chin, looking up at the ceiling. "That... explains so much of Rainbow Dash."

Fluttershy massaged Rainbow's side, listening to her friend rumble in content at the kneading of her toned frame. "Now, sweetie, there are many ways we can help you. The first step-"

"Is for me to say that I find it utterly arousing she's so charged, and that I would more than happily teach Rainbow Dash some techniques to help her with her problems," Rarity added casually. Five pairs of eyes stared at her in horror. She continued without regret. "You think with my sister, and the bloody clients who need their pricks rearranged conveniently up the nearest timber wolf scrotum, that I just titter it off and hop along with my day? Goodness no." She cackled madly. "I ravage myself constantly to keep myself from deciding to tell ungrateful, pompous wankers to sod off on the git of a mistress they call 'companions'."

She blinked, and her expression was returned by the equal blinking of all five of her friends. "Oh. It seems this batch makes me... rather loose with my vocabulary. Well, the thoughts have been repressed for far too long!"

Rainbow's wings shot up from the sides of her body, causing Fluttershy to squeak as she was shoved over by the pomfing, powerful wings. "I think Rarity officially just jumped several points on the hotness scale. Hay yes, I will learn from you, and you will learn from me, and can you swear more? Cause I think my wings and hind legs kind of enjoyed that. A lot."

"Why thank you, Dashie dear," Rarity said with a flick of her hair and tail. "You and I are gifted with tongues that have the same bite, but of a different poison. You are a mix, Twilight sweetie."

"I... I think Rarity just made swearin' an art," Applejack said, yanking the silver cylinder from Rainbow's muzzle. "Dasha's a nympho, an' Rarity wants ta teach her things, and we were plannin' on having you two hook up, an' too much manure is happenin'." She panted frantically, her eyes bulging in panic. "And oh hayseeds, I'm picturin' what Dash did, so to hay with this, cause I'm gettin' bucked up until I pass out. I can't take any more!"

Pinkie Pie shook her head as a wide range of emotions began to shift across her snout. She settled on perplexed. "So... you all think I'm the one here who can be insane in the membrane? Me? Me?" Her forehooves moved up in an attempt to make herself look even more confused. She gave up, dropping them beside her. "I'm done. We're all nuts, I'm just the only one who admits it. Oh, and Twilight, I know exactly how you feel right now, and I can tell you, I'm sorry we put you through this."

"Thank you, Pinkie!" Twilight cheered. "Now you know why I binge eat! And it's not going to stop anytime soon."

"Well," Rarity said calmly, looking at her fellow comrades, "it seems we have been dancing with each other secretly, no? Twilight, would you like to explain what is going on?" She eyed Applejack, watching the mare fumble with the rod. "And I'm glad Applejack is making the Fruit' legacy proud by using drugs to solve their' problems! Here here! And... all of us really," she chuckled nervously.

"You started it," Rainbow said, flicking her wild tail ontop of Fluttershy. "I knew something was up the first second you said something; I'm not stupid, Rares, and I've been in more relationships than pretty much all of you combined."

"And I would be lying to say that I still think you and Twilight would make a fantastic couple." Rarity squeaked at Twilight squeezing her, looking up at Twilight with interest. "Must I suffer with you being cuddly, Twilight? Ohh... keep on rubbing my stomach, if you don't mind."

"'Suffer,'" Twilight snorted. "Uh huh. And well... I'd be lying if Rainbow Dash opening up to me didn't, well... touch me."

"So you do have feelings for each other! Wonderful! If-"

"We're going to double date Applejack with me, and Rainbow with you."

All that could be heard coming out from Rarity's muzzle was the faint, mute cry of stuttering hiccups. She sounded as if she was choking on her own soul.

Rainbow Dash found it so funny she almost fell off of the booth. "That right there," she said, pointing at Rarity, "that is the face I do want to see again! It's the face and sound I made when Applejack told me that was her plan, and Twilight thought it was good too. Gosh I must be cute sometimes."

"You are cute," Twilight said with a snide smile. "Whenever you get angry and push your muzzle into your neck? Record breaking."

"Here here!" Pinkie gaveled, tapping a forehoof onto the floor. "I second that motion! No comment on Rainbow and me and what we've done. I could though. Oh. So tempting!"

Fluttershy closed her eyes contently. "Oh yes! When we used to kiss in Flight School, and Rainbow used to blush like she is now, I would just fall over giggling because she's so adorable!" All four of Rainbow's friends broke out into a torrent of titters at her flaring red cheeks.

"And I fourth the motion," Rarity grinned, clopping her hooves together. "And the way you sputter and fluster when cornered is-"

Rarity eyed the ruby eyed, flushed cheeks of Applejack, who was taking hit after hit from the slick vaporizer. With a loud groan, Rarity pulled away the cylinder from her with a loud twank of magic, growling at the earth mare. "Oh for Celestia's sake, Applejack, you are treating it like Braeburn's knob. Don't choke on it, mare, it's not going anywhere!"

The waterfall of laughs that resulted from the bombardment of Rarity's vulgarities caused Rainbow Dash to fall on the train floor, soon enough pulling Fluttershy down with her. Pinkie had lost herself to squealing hellfire, followed shamelessly enough by Fluttershy and Twilight as the plastered Applejack blinked in confusion at Rarity. All that was on Rarity's face was a faint blush.

"W-w-well I... I guess I have quite a tongue when I am a bit high now don't I?" Rarity couldn't help but chuckle with her wailing friends.

"P-P-please!" Rainbow squealed, clinging onto Twilight Sparkle as if the unicorn was a life preserver, "you have to stop, Rarity! Or date me! You are stupidly funny on this stuff. I'm... I'm dying. Oh my gosh why haven't you ever shown this side of you?"

"W-w-well, because I treasure Applejack's companionship," she composed, Applejack shook her head wildly in an attempt to wake herself up. It only showed off the dueling red and green in her eyes. "And because it is not-oh who am I kidding!"

Rarity tackled Twilight and Rainbow, wrapping her forehooves around her two friends to give both of them a firm, tight squeeze. "Because I'm afraid of you all not approving of me being, well, loose." She bit her bottom lip, rolling her eyes with a dramatic sigh. "Oh fine, you cruel mares who I call my sisters, I will accept this... ploy of yours, but only, Rainbow Dash, if you behave moderately better than you normally do. There's loose and-"

"Heh," Applejack chuckled, her bloodshot eyes flicking to life. "Dasha's... Dasha's jaw would be loose after Braeburn used her. That's really loose."

"And because I'm not Rainbow," Rarity smiled, "I will accept that Applejack is very far gone and not-"

Rainbow Dash slid forward, pressing her muzzle into Applejack's. "Oh my gosh, is he that big?" Dash asked excitedly. "Not that I'm a size queen, or anything."

"-Dash I-"

"Length wise he is," Applejack tittered. "I caught him with two very distant cousins last year," Applejack continued.

With every second that passed, Rarity's voice became more dejected. "-or Applejack-"

"Mare please, you don't know how deep my throat is," Rainbow preened.

Fluttershy and Twilight nodded in unison. "Nymphomaniac."

"I've heard he's gotta train of a load," Applejack giggled, falling face forward on the ground. "Oh shoot, I'm more plastered than the Valentine's Day Massacre. I think I must of taken forty hits."

"You know, Twilight," Rarity sighed,  "perhaps you should choose Pinkie-"

"Hey!" Pinkie growled. "A lot of chocolate was ruined that day. Expensive chocolate from Zebraica and Moorocco and Baysium and Germaney! The losses were in the millions! Don't spoil their memory!"

Rarity sighed deeply, placing the vaporizer in her muzzle for a few hits of self reflection. She felt her own eyes slowly fill in with heat, although not nearly to the borderline napalm colored of the farmer currently fielding a crop of utopia. "Twilight?"

Twilight stole the silver baton of either the Mane Six's salvation or damnation from Rarity, suckling onto the tip without regrets. She contemplated how some force of emotional purity still considered the six mares as bastion of a countries salvation. Her own purple eyes were lightly sprinkled with dull red lightning going across their edges. "Yes?" she said. "If it involves me being happy about not even trying to beat you, and still beating you without trying, yes, that's the reason you all trust me to lead."

"Insignificant," Rarity hummed, zoning out the sexual bets of Applejack and Rainbow Dash. "What if I told you, that I plan on taking us to one of the largest, hippest clubs in Canterlot, and plan on us eating, drinking, and dancing the night away until all six of us can't think straight for the next few days is on the menu?"

Fluttershy hovered over the two unicorns, wrapping a forehoof around both of them. "Then I'd say, yay! I think all of us could use that. Although I'm not sure Applejack will be dancing anytime soon.

Applejack had resulted to pinning down Rainbow Dash, lapping at Dash's face as if she was a dog.

"AJ, what the buckin' hayseeds are you-stop that tickles!" Rainbow laughed.

"Maybe... she smoked too much." Fluttershy chuckled.