Chapter Sixteen: Climax Jump!

Alcohol and food seemed to consistently be the solution to the six mares problems. It was a frightful precedent for them to be setting, but it would most likely not be the panacea for their future woes. Hopefully. For the moment and the second time that day, it solved everything.

Hopefully. It was very unlikely.

The VIP section of the club was at the top of the cavern, its windows carved into the walls to show the Undercity behind them, the club underneath them, and the night sky in front of them. Relaxing on couches, pillows, chairs and sofas, ponies enjoyed all sorts of debauchery to their’ hearts content. The Elements felt reborn by ethanol, food, rest, and most importantly, more laughter of both their own hearts and the fellow equines around them. A crowd could do that sort of thing. The mares could not deny the merging highs of fatigue, THC, ethanol and food swirling together were beginning to take there toll, for better or worse. If they were all surveyed about it, it would be for the better. Hopefully.

"So I think the lesson of the day is that we should never mix sexual ethics, alcohol, and cannabis together." Twilight Sparkle had voraciously consumed four plates of sweet potatoes and was on her second glass of water and second mug of pale ale. "In fact, maybe we should... keep it to one thing at a time. I have a feeling that the vibrating in my head is going to be atomic tomorrow, and I hope that's going to not be a repeat lesson."

She looked around at her friends, all of them full at having sedated their ravenous marijuana munches. They had all collectively forgotten the wonderful concept known as food during the last several hours. Food was good. Resting on pillows with their best friends with food and alcohol was even better.

Pinkie Pie peeked over to Twilight, a forehoof resting idly in Applejack's mane. The two earth mares laid together in sedation, Applejack using Pinkie's stomach as a pillow. "Twilight, you know that clop and beer go together like cheese and chocolate. You don't think they'll mix, but they do!"

"Fine," Twilight said dejectedly, blowing out a jet of air from her muzzle. "Let's just not get high at the same time? I think Applejack can back me up on this one."

Applejack eyed her 'date' then the empty plates around her. Applejack - like Rainbow - worked hard in her trade, and could consume titanic amounts of food if she wished and sometimes needed to. The slice of cheesecake, and pecan pie, and cup of Prench onion soup, plate of house fries, a whole veggie pizza, three spinach salads, a shot of bourbon, half a gallon of milk and two bowls of tomato soup - in no proper order of consumption - was a testament to that. "I think I will never smoke again," she tiredly hiccuped, green and red dueling it out in her eyes.

She stared down at the warm cup of coffee in front of her, instinct taking over her stomachs ability to handle more liquid. She grabbed hold of the mug, consuming the whole cup without taking a single break or pause, putting it down with a deep, content sigh. It was followed by a belch of a proportion that made Pinkie Pie jealous. “Oh Grant’s gonads did I need ta let that out of me. Now I feel like I'm kinda alive. I missed you, brain.”

If it wasn’t for the hot squid in front of Rainbow - in addition to the still being eaten alfredo, grain bread and olive oil - she would have fallen out of her plush couch. Instead, she squealed in laughter, clopping her forehooves together as incoherent sounds of praise escaped from her mouth. Pinkie Pie wasn't far behind her.

“I’m glad to see we have returned to the relative levels of stupidity of... well most of the day.” Rarity chuckled, sipping on her Haysinki vodka. "I have to say, that I think adding the wonderful invention known as food to the equation was a brilliant idea. Again." She scratched at her chest, currently indifferent to how her more composed self would of fainted at the action. "Now... is it just me, or do we... seem to forget to eat when we get stoned? I thought that was an expected outcome.

"I thought we've talked about before how things never turn out as planned around us," Twilight said, letting out a soft groan. "Like... me forgetting to calorie count."

Rainbow Dash massaged her temples to the point Twilight scowled at her. Twilight wasn't a fan of having her own famous gestures being taken from her. "For bucks sake, Twi', I'm gonna kill you if you keep up bringing up your weight. As the mare here with sixteen percent body fat, I can tell you, I don't calorie count either."

"I guess you just, 'wing it', Rainbow?" Applejack chuckled in amusement.

Five mares turned their eyes toward Applejack. They said nothing.

"I must admit," Rarity continued, letting out a quiet hum to break the silence, "it felt grand for me to eat those two peanut butter ice cream sundaes. Oh I feel so... naughty!” She wiggled her pearl rump into her collection of pillows, tittering to herself. "I forgot how much I love peanut butter."

Pinkie Pie sat up, patting Applejack idly on the head like the good orange pet she was. Applejack simply mumbled tiredly and accepted her fate. Again. "Besides, one does not simply, expect us to do the expected. We’re like, guerrilla fighters!”

Five pairs of eyes injected rage into Pinkie's blue eyes with their sharp glances toward the pink mare, causing her to twitch at her slip of the tongue. “I-I-I mean like, uhh... stunt fliers, like Dashie! You never know what killer move she’ll do next!”

Twilight blinked at Pinkie's stuttering, idly massaging the hop particles inside of her drink with her magic. She clicked her tongue together to fill the silence. “So, what do we do now?”

Fluttershy took a deep drought of her raspberry flavored mead. “Well, we can’t dance yet, unless we want to be sick to our stomachs. We could always pick up on where we left off in Truth or Dare.”

“Bad idea,” Rainbow said, rolling onto her back with a soft groan. She looked at her friends upside down. “I think if we’re doing anything related to that, it should just be, well, truth. I think we've all been kinda gaping anuses to each other today. Time to be, well, nice, yeah?”

Twilight leaned forward, taking a sip of her pale ale. “Did... Rainbow Dash just say we should be... nice? I thought she only says that when we’re about to have an emotional breakdown, or almost die.”

“Hey, I got mood swings sometimes, and a soft side.” Dash rested her forehooves on her thighs, sticking out her tongue. “Come on, you know I welcome foals and new ponies to Ponyville just fine; it’s just a shield for my self-esteem. She’s fragile. Can't I be nice around you all for like, five minutes?”

“I never would've guessed your ego could be fragile,” Rarity smirked. “She has a point though. I’ve come clean about what I intended for this night to be. And... well... the plan has fallen apart like anything hit by a certain pegasus-and would you stop fluttering your eyelashes suggestively at me, Rainbow? It’s bloody annoying!”

“Ohh you know you like it,” Dash purred softly, rubbing her lean, toned core. “Just-”

“Stop it!” Rarity pouted, eying the gentle smiles spreading across her friends muzzles. “That... that isn’t funny!”

“I think it is,” Rainbow winked. “And they do too. You should look at yourself when you stick out your lips and blush. It’s really freakin’ cute.”

“I think there should be a rule that we all are cute when we want to be,” Fluttershy hummed, leaning into Twilight idly.

“Guidance counselor Fluttershy to the rescue,” Pinkie nodded, slamming down a strawberry gin cocktail with frightful speed. Sadly, the multi-verse had blessed many gifts on the pink mare. The ability to consume more alcohol than her biological body could take was not one of them. She had to follow some rules of reality. “Whew!” She shook her snout rapidly, letting out a torrent of nickers and snorts as her friends watched in both slight fear and chuckling interest. “Jeez peas cock tease, I needed that! Oww, my throat!" Pinkie coughed, her voice wispy as her forehooves began to massage her neck. "It’s sweet and hot. Lesson learned. Not doing that again.”

Applejack couldn't help but smile up at the pink mare. “Ya mean just like yerself, gumdrop?”

It only made the choking of Pinkie's vocal chords worse, causing her to sputter out a torrent of gibberish as her cheeks quickly became a solid, thick red. The other five Elements broke out into into a flood of laughs at watching Pinkie's already bright cheeks go brighter.

“This is why we are all friends,” Twilight cracked, covering her mouth to repress both a minor hiccup and a waterfall of giggles from escaping from the end of her muzzle. She didn’t quite succeed at the last task, rolling against Fluttershy for support.

Fluttershy sighed happily “You mean to get tipsy-”

“-smashed,” Rainbow added.

“-smashed, ditsy, fight, tease each other, and make us all look mean, horrible, lustful, and... umm... insane?” Fluttershy scooped up her stein with a wing and took a firm chug of her drink, putting down the empty mug. “I can live with that. That’s real friendship! I like getting drunk with you all; it better than doing it alone."

“Fluttershy! That’s only like, a third of it!” Twilight sat up on her rump, forehooves pressed resolutely into the floor. “Because we know that despite being so different, and coming from so many walks of life, we love and respect each other, even when we sound like we don’t. That's what the last few years have taught me, and what friendship with you all has taught me.”

Rainbow Dash laid on her side, raising an eyebrow at Twilight. “Sometimes I think-”

“Shut the hay up, Dash," Twilight snapped. Her friends winced collectively.

She coughed, composing herself. "I’m telling an aesop because we all need it, despite the chances of us remembering it hung over and light headed from cannabis being near zero." Her purple eyes glowed brightly as she looked over her peers. "So you’ll listen, damn it. All of you.” Twilight grinned contently. "Besides, it makes me feel good, I'm the leader, and you all owe me.”

“Yes ma’am,” her friends said in defeat, their ears folding in unison.

Twilight stood up, trotting slowly around her friends. “We’ve all grown together as friends, sisters even. Despite all the trials and tribulations we’ve been through, in the end, we are there for each other. Even when we try to control each other’s sex lives. Or... lives in general. So I think the lesson we learned together today is that drinking is a part of life I thank you all for getting me into, and while I’m pretty sure bucking will wait for when I’m more coherent once the alcohol settles, what I’ve seen is that... well... maybe friendship with benefits is possible.If we do it responsibly. We all love each other. Most of the time. What’s a step further going to do at this point? Maybe we should try it, see what happens."

"What could possibly be worse than what happened already?” She sat back down in her pillow, resting her tail over Fluttershy's side. "Well, other than us hating each other, secretly planning on killing each other, or other extreme scenarios I'm too drunk or full to care about."

“Well,” Pinkie began, stroking her chin, “it’s made Applejack and Rarity swear to mud wrestle in the future, and we all know how those go."

"Awesomely," Dash grinned.

"Awesomely indeed," Pinkie grinned back. "It’s made us secretly plan the clopping plans for tonight; and it also made us get drunk, half want to kill each other, force Rarity to spend her life savings, and most likely made us all wonder where our innocence went! I have no idea! It was there a few months ago. Or maybe that was three years ago. I don’t know!”

“Thank you for reminding me about my bills, Pinkie.” Rarity stared tiredly at her two shots of vodka. Her past drinks just weren't important. Did she even remember? She didn't even feel that tipsy.

Rarity scoffed at her pillows, swallowing down a mixed aftertaste of peanut butter and alcohol. It was quite lovely, really. “But I think with how much of my bank account I’ve already lost to a night gone to Tartarus, I deserve a break once with the mud wrestling, no? And the insanity of you all today. And don’t forget the possibility I might have to find a complete stranger to use for a night. Not a fan of one night stands.”

“You Pinkie Promised about the wrestling.” Pinkie's sky blue eyes gazed firmly into the crystal orbs of Rarity's. Her tone was as flat as stale water.

“I did not!” Rarity shot back, her tail smacking onto the cushion she rested on. "What prosperous notion made you think that, Pinkie?"

“You mentally did,” Pinkie whispered. She leaned forward. “That, still, counts.”

“No it-”

Demonic resonance filled Pinkie's voice, and the napalm in her eyes quickly replaced her natural color. “Iam the judge of the Pinkie Promise, and avatar of Loki’s will. And if I say it counts, it, counts!”As quickly as the anger blew over, it melted away, leaving a tipsy, giggling, Applejack petting Pinkie Pie.

The other Elements simply accepted what had happened once Pinkie's voice calmed. It was for the best. “I... I’m a hundred and twenty percent sure that Loki’s a Pegasi’ god,” Rainbow said, chuckling shyly at Pinkie. “N-n-not that I’m gonna do anything to throw a lightning bolt at mud wrestling fun.”

“He is!” Pinkie squeaked, burping afterwards. “I was a pegasus in my last life, and he wanted me to use this opportunity to counter Discord and Celestia. He didn’t get that chance last time, so it’s his time to shine! Or just be silly. He hasn't quite decided yet.” She shrugged. "We'll figure it out eventually."

Twilight Sparkle had lost her moral message as soon as it was given. Or more accurately, her friends had decayed into their natural, drunk, faintly stoned, needy selves as soon as she was done. A faint, shimmering disk of magic appeared in front of her muzzle. Without delay, she began to tap her snout on the raspberry shield. Again, and again.

“Okay," she sighed, thudding her snout onto the shield with a bit more force. The swirling highs in her head were fascinating to study. She didn't remember any of it. "Friendship with benefits is a horrible idea. Or maybe drinking is, or today is, or everything is.”

“But I have a feelin’ we’re gonna say screw it and do it all anyway,” Applejack giggled, unashamed of the sound coming out of her muzzle. “We’redamn good at improvisin’ an bullshittin’. Hay, what we all do for a livin’ is half wingin’ it.”

Rainbow nodded in agreement, cracking her back with a content mumble. "Can't always tell a cloud where to go. Pinkie makes up stuff randomly, you sometimes improvise on what you'll grow, AJ, Fluttershy's animals are something different everyday, and Twilight can pretty much do what she wants but doesn't."

"Not to mention that Rarity's dress makin' is wingin' it by design," Applejack said, nodding her head respectively toward Rarity. "I don't know how ya do it. I wish I could wing it like that."

Both Pinkie Pie and Dash snorted in the back of their throats at Applejack's word choice. Rarity decided at that sentence and those sounds coming from her friends to slam down both shots of her vodka with a hidden practice that made the rest of her friends look at her.

Dash was the first to respond, sitting herself up. "Speaking of... that, where in the hay did you learn to be so good at holding your liquor, Rarity? I mean, I’ve seen you at parties and man, you punch way above your weight. I just hope you aren’t an alcoholic or somethin’."

"Sometimes, it is best to keep those secrets hidden,” Rarity sighed, laying down on her side. “In case my talents are needed for... emergencies. This would be one of them."

"Like your... edible boots spell?" Twilight asked.

“Or trying to understand me and watching how completely futile that is!” Pinkie chittered, rubbing Applejack’s muscled stomach.

“Or dealin’ with me flirting with you and you tasting your own medicine,” Rainbow winked. "Man, Twilight, this is fun, teasing Rarity."

"Exactly,” Rarity said. “One must be prepared for the worst after all, and I am glad my intellectual equal would agree, however overboard she may go in being prepared, just like myself.”

Twilight mumbled, snorting at Rarity. “Uh-huh, keep telling yourself that you’re my intellectual equal.”

Fluttershy began to stroke down Twilight's violet back. “Twilight," she said, whispering sweetly into Twilight's ear, "this isn’t a moment for your sarcasm, because unlike Rainbow’s it can really hurt ponies. However, sometimes, the truth can hurt, Rarity.”

“Thank you, Fluttershy, for making me feel just stellar about myself,” Rarity gritted between her teeth. She looked around for another alcoholic beverage to drink. There was none.

“You’re welcome, you gorgeous ball of marshmellow awesomeness,” Fluttershy hummed obviously. “Now, how about we all start sharing bedtime secrets? That's something we can do, now that we're drunk enough. I’ll start! I learned from Mr. Beaver that-”

“-and thank you, Applejack,” Rarity growled, “for saying that tailoring and designing fashion is just, ‘winging it’. I’m glad my fellow businessmare doesn’t understand the creativity of my field.”

“I never said that," Applejack said. "Well, in a kinda, creative way, somethin’. I’m not smart right now! Ya know I didn’t mean to insult ya!”

“Or ever smart,” Rarity huffed. “And so in punishment, I will not give you self-pleasure advice ever again.” Rarity exhaled loudly from the depths of her lungs. “And that is relatively mild, considering I have the urge to scream, black out, or talk about LGBT fashion in the most culturally cliche manner possible." She waved a forehoof around gaily, tittering to herself. "You know, most things ponies in my 'winging it' field do, and something Rainbow would know nothing about."

She smiled darkly. "Or would she?”

There were only a few triggers that set off Rainbow Dash to do a real flank kicking to a ponies' plot. They could insult her fetishes, as embarrassing as they could be; her plothole, as she could be one herself; her fetishism like obsession with the Wonderbolts. They could make her blush, take their' anger out on her to vent, and even call her out for being an idiot. They could even call her slutty with how sexual openness she could be. In the end, she laughed it off over time, taking what she dished out.

Telling the openly tomgirl, openly flirty, LGBT pride of Equestria she was a hidden lipstick lesbian was a line a pony did not cross. There was her being accepting in her moderately butch personality, and then there was saying she wanted to be on Project Manehatthan Runway.

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?" Rainbow snapped. She bolted up onto her hooves, her posture feral and feline, wings spread like bladed fans. "What did I do to you tonight? I’m tryin’ to be kinda nice here, and you just... wow. Way to cross the line three times. I... wow. I can see why sex with you is a ‘Rarity’ to begin with.”

Twilight Sparkle contemplated taking over the situation as she normally would have. Or more accurately, the side of her that normally contemplated taking over the situation had been banished to the recesses of her mind, thanks to the food and newly awoken, crotch driven side of her personality. A few threats that borderlined on war crimes didn't hurt in silencing her rational side either.

Instead, she looked at her other friends, watching another debacle unfold. Fluttershy clearly had given up at trying to calm her friends down, realizing at last that not even her Stare could override two estrogen powered equines from tearing each other apart. Instead, she simply watched, and it almost seemed like she was getting a hidden enjoyment out of it. Pinkie was sadistically enjoying the fun openly by the interest in her eyes, while Applejack scratched at her thigh fur, zoned out and mildly concerned all at once.

"I beg your pardon?" Rarity whispered, pulling herself up onto her hooves slowly. She took a step forward, tilting her muzzle to the side curiously. “Did I hurt the technicolor tramps feelings? Pinch a nerve? Interrupt your fantasies of being a model for me?"

Rainbow snorted off the insult, ejecting a hiss of air from her nose. “I didn't do anything to make you pissed tonight. Didn't know you were an angry drunk, Rares." She shrugged. "But hey, I guess you need weed to wash the noble cock taste out of your mouth though, huh? Jealous I could get twenty ponies on me right now if I wanted? Sucks you’re so dry between the legs."

Rarity broke out into a violent laugh, her faintly curled mane bouncing as she shook her head dismissively. “I see our local cerulean cum dump is once again the ‘Prismatic Prostitute of Ponyville’ once again. Kudos to you,” she purred.

"So... you're mad that I'm flirting with you, because nopony else will, and I'm out of your league?" Rainbow winced. "Ohh... that's harsh, even for me. True, but kinda harsh."

Pinkie whistled loudly. "Hide your foals, hide your marefriend, and hide your coltfriend, cause-"

"Sod off, Pinkie," Rarity neighed, "I'm talking to the mare who is about to become my bitch."

"Nothing to do here!" Pinkie said, chewing on Applejack’s mane.

Applejack pushed her off of Pinkie Pie, pulling herself up onto her hooves. "Now you two listen here, I-"

Rarity threw back her hair with a huff of steam ejecting from her nose, her face flushed with heat. The crackling warmth of alcohol and blood across her anger splayed snout twitched. "You've trotted with the wrong mare too far this time, Rainbow, Lightning, Dash. And thelast thing you want is me, tipsy, wanting to destroy your ego until nothing is left but a wallowing, broken corpse of a mare who learns what happens when you push me too bloody far."

"Enough, Rarity." Applejack pressed a forehoof onto the unicorn's side, gently rubbing through her coat. "Maybe you've had a bit too much to drink. You just need to calm your hindquarters ‘n-"

"No butts," Rarity spat, "other than Rainbow's getting a reminder of what magic can pleasantly do to a rectum. I'm sure she'd enjoy every bit of the stimulation of my horn rammed up her arse. I'll even give it a twist, if she likes it extra painful.”

"You know, I really should try to stop this," Twilight pondered, turning her muzzle toward Fluttershy. "But I think I've just lost my ability to care about my friends possibly killing each other and ruining their friendships."

"It's okay, Twilight." Fluttershy nuzzled her cheek affectionately into Twilight's. "Celestia doesn't need to know about it, and remember what I said about angry sex? Just watch."

"And if... that doesn't doesn't happen?" Twilight giggled quietly at the affection, returning it in kind. "And it is kind of fun to watch this. I guess three years of morals have just gone out the window tonight."

Pinkie Pie laid herself casually over Twilight and Fluttershy. "Ehh, it happens every month or two around us. We get back to normal after you write a letter."

"Then Equestria is going to die a slow and very painful death from some evil monster," Fluttershy said. "Or since they both trust me, I can spike their tea, and we can have our way with them."

Twilight smiled like she had never smiled before, wrapping a forehoof around Fluttershy's. "I like how you think, Fluttershy."

"Mare please," Pinkie whinnied, "I got enough toys to make them ever regret even living!"

With a wild laugh, Rainbow stumbled to keep herself balanced. The exchange had begun to catch the attention of nearby ponies, and her haughty cackles drew even more attention to the two Elements. “My flank? Comin’ from the perfume wearing pucker sucker herself? If it’s the wrinkly balls of old stallions with money who’ll buy your dresses and smell your pus’, it’s you."

Rainbow turned around, hiking up her tail as high as she could, giving her toned rump a shake. "Come on, stare at the mare who gets some, instead of having to sniff her own underwear to smell sex. Twilight doesn’t need to get laid, you do. Guess your ego can't handle that old colts can't get a stiff one looking at you. Their' grandmas can buck better than you can.”

Rarity screamed like a Cerberus out of Tartarus. She spun Rainbow around violently, digging her forehooves into the front of Dash's coat. "Get that bucking smirk off your face before I blow it off, you blue bicycle."

"Rarity, Rainbow, that's enough!" Applejack shoved herself between her two friends. Thick, vile growls echoed from Rainbow's and Rarity's muzzles. “We’ve done stupid buckin’ things tonight, but you two are bein’ so flat out stupid I can’t even think of a word for it! Disgustin’ I think fits.”

“It’s okay, AJ,” Rainbow said, blowing out a huff of air from her nose. “Rarity’s just being an alabaster asshole sniffer. She's just admitting it for once.”

Rarity raised an eyebrow out of perked interest, flicking an ear at her friend's words. "Ala... baster? When did youever learn a word that big and formal?"

"When your dad showed you what coach cock tasted like,” Rainbow cackled, stomping a forehoof onto the floor.

"Oh so the daughter of a cloud architect certainly wasn't built to order by her father?" Rarity smirked. "Have to taste the rainbow reciprocal before public use, don’t we?"

Dash waved the remark away with her right wing. "Nah, my parents might be swingers, but they don't do that. Your life was built by my dad though. My dad hired yours and his Nayxican porno mustache so he could get his green card."

A furious thunder roared out of Rarity's muzzle as her magic exploded to life with a blinding flare of light. It didn't light up to attack Rainbow Dash, but to blast Applejack away from the two fighting mares, sending Applejack rolling onto the groud. “You dyke," Rarity bellow, "I, will, end you!”

It was not Fluttershy about to give both of her friends a thorough timeout or spanking. It wasn't Applejack about to grab both of them and pin them down. It wasn't Twilight about to put a force field around each of them. Nor was it Rainbow Dash reflexes to simply knock out Rarity in one impact of a wing or hoof that stopped the fight.

It was Rainbow colliding her muzzle into Rarity's with the most passionate kiss that the unicorn had ever felt.

Rarity's eyes turned into dots of shock the moment she felt Rainbow's snout and body collide with her own, chest to chest. She felt Rainbow's thick, fluffy, toned coat grind into her finer one, tickling her skin. That sensation was mild, compared to what was happening to her muzzle.

Rainbow was firmly sucking onto Rarity's tongue, coiling around it and toying with the member with a succulent, twirling dance of teasing fire that left Rarity blank. It was partially barbaric, and yet it had a skill to it that left her breathless. The amount of heart, soul, and seductive pull it had broke her like no novel nor lover had ever done.

All the anger inside of her vanished in a heartbeat. The tension in her shoulders melted and without even thinking, her forehooves wrapped around the shoulders of her friend as she lost her spirit into the kiss.

Best friend? Yes. Despite all the teasing, Rainbow would sever her wings to make sure Rarity was unharmed. Despite her insecurity, Dash would merciless fight anyone who would touch Rarity in a manner the unicorn would not want. Despite all the sarcasm, vulgarities, insults and banter... they were friends, and it was damn fun. They bounced oddly well off of each other. And as much as the pegasus made her stress levels shoot up, she also made them fall down like misty rain, letting her laugh off her troubles.

Here was Rainbow Dash, half raping her mouth with a saliva covered tongue deciding to tap dance over her own with a precision that left Rarity speechless. Having a tongue in your muzzle would do that.

Damning the less fun side of her personality, the morality of it all, the former exchange of brutal and deadly words, Rarity's former thoughts on the cyan mare, and the crowd that had gathered around the two Elements, Rarity kissed back.

"Well that escalated quickly!” Pinkie squealed, leaping away from Twilight and Fluttershy to get herself a front row seat. “Everypony’s makin’ out with everypony! I like! Five bits on Rainbow Dash!”

Applejack looked around at the small crowd of ponies watching what she and Rainbow had done at the spa look like a children’s cartoon nose kiss. Her emerald eyes glanced between the mumbling, gawking, cheering crowd that watched the two Elements dig into each other's teeth.

She struggled to find words again. Her face scrunched up as language just didn't seem fond of coming to her. “I... I... oh to hay with it, I don’t give a crap anymore! Three on Rarity. She's mad and-there you go, look at her massage Rainbow's wings!"

"Woah-oww!" Pinkie cried, grabbing her face. Blue wings had sprung off of Dash's back like a piston slamming down the bore of a engine. Tears dripped down from Pinkie's hit face. "My eye! Dash's wing hit myeye! Damndiddy damn damn that's not replaceable, Rainbow! Why are things hitting that today? It’s not fair." Pinkie whimpered, burying her head into Applejack's coat.

Twilight blinked in confusion. She wasn’t sure if she was awake, or dead. Most likely, it was a mix of the two. "So let me get this straight," she began, taking a sip of her pale ale. "Rainbow and Rarity have been insulting each other all night, and now they are... making out? I'm not even shocked anymore."

Fluttershy clopped her forehooves together in delight. "It's adorable and wonderful! I told you, Twilight. As long as they don't have angry sex or kill each other. Don't worry girls, I'll make sure they get along." Fluttershy looked at Twilight, giggling to herself. “Wait, no, we do want them to have angry sex, because that means they’ll get it all out of their systems, and everything will be alright.”

"Shouldn't you be more concerned than any of us since you’re closest to both of them?" Twilight asked. "I mean, they both go to you for secrets they don't tell any of us."

"Oh I am, but that'svery depressing, and it’s your job to worry about things, Twilight," Fluttershy said calmly.

"Fluttershy! Don't fuel my paranoia!" Twilight huffed, gulping on her beer a bit too swiftly for her own good. Choking on alcohol was not a way she wanted to die. Although currently, it didn’t sound like too bad of an idea.

"There, there, Twilight," Fluttershy said, grabbing her friend with a wing. She stroked through Twilight's mane affectionately. "Rarity and Rainbow just need a nice, long, musky mating session. They'll both be just fine afterwards. I... think."

"They're our best friends!" Twilight retaliated. “This... both of them, anger, issues, sex, drinking, today, logic, life, thoughts, I don’t even, gah!”

Rainbow's and Rarity's loud kissing had made the crowd around the Elements forgot the almost death battle that had erupted between the two saliva sharing mares. Saliva sharing was putting it mildly at this point, and heavy petting was skirting around being an understatement. Rarity had long since begun to massage the base of Dash's wings tightly with her trimmed forehooves, tugging on Rainbow's unleashed mane with her magic. Rainbow had given up all pretenses of whatever shame she had left and groped Rarity's sides, her snout moving with Rarity's around the kiss. Time didn't seem to apply to either of them.

For all of her own cheering, Pinkie Pie stopped, blinking rapidly at the slurping and huffing couple. "You know... I can pull some crazy things," Pinkie began, nursing her black eye, "but not breathing and choking on water for three minutes isn't one of them. This is just gettingridiculous!"

"The moment they stop, I have a spell ready to knock them out, in case they try to rip out each others pancreases." Twilight sighed quietly, adding another reason to the list of why she was gaining weight.

“I think they’re injurin’ their tongues more than their organs," Applejack chuckled. "And I didn’t know you could cast under the influence."

Twilight smiled slyly at the orange mare. “I’ve done it before, just not this drunk,” she laughed. “What’s the worst that can happen? My horn turns into a dildo? Well, it already kind of is one!”

Applejack shook her head from side to side, unable to keep her own grin from spreading across her muzzle. “Say, Twi’?”

The unicorn flicked an ear. “Uhh... yes, Applejack?”

“I hate to be this blunt, and ya never hear that comin’ from me, but, well... aww shoot, I’m freakin’ stutterin’ on my own words.”

“So I’ll do it for you, AJ!” Pinkie grabbed both of her friends, pressing their two coats together. “I’m kinda drunk right now, and I’m most likely gonna totally pass out in about an hour, and you girls should too.”

“Pinkie,” Applejack hissed, “Shut yer-”

“-so what Jackie is tryin’ to say, is that this night has been completely and utterly buck sucked clucked up a duckie’s yucky puck muck. In Equish, she’s saying she wants to sleep with you, but thinks that tonight would be horrible for that, but if you want to cuddle and do things, she’s totally cool with that.”

"But I was trying to flirt with her!" Fluttershy whined. "What about me? I just got the confidence and... that isn't fair." Her ears wilted by the side of her muzzle, her submissive side coming back as soon as they had been repressed. "Just because I'm quiet doesn't mean I don't have feelings."

Dragging her forehoof across her own snout, Applejack let out a deep, thick, grunt. Her muzzle was a sheet of red that matched the cutie mark on her flank. “I’m so glad I only punch RD. And Big Mac.”

“Applejack,” Twilight whispered, scoffing at the floor shyly. “I... I shouldn't be saying this, and I feel like we’re the only sane ponies left, and you've said some pretty stupid things tonight, but not quite as stupid as everypony else. And... I'm kind of drunk and stupidly needy, and I've always felt like you're the only sane one of us. This is kind of cliche, but I’d-”

“Woah woah woah, back, that, plot, up.” Pinkie Pie blew out a plume of air from the end of her snout, cerulean eyes staring into Applejack's eyes. “Are you saying I can’t take a hit, Jackie?”

“I never said that,” Applejack replied, “but if I really decked you? No, Pinkers. You’d be out cold.”

“Oh yeah!? Bring it!” Pinkie prodded her friend in the chest. “Come on! Give me a hit! I’ve been hit by many things. Like my dad’s belt, and pans, and chairs. You can’t hurt me.”

“Pinkie,” Twilight whimpered. “Please stop. The stupidity of my friends today is too damn-”

“I told you no memes without my approval, Twi’ Twi’!” Pinkie shot back. “This fight is between me and the cousin cuddler!”

“If yer tryin’ to be RD, yer gonna fail, and yer gonna fail hard.” Applejack reached forward to ruffle through Pinkie’s mane affectionately. “I just couldn’t hit ya, Pinkie, unless you really went psycho on me. I just don’t see that in yer eyes.”

Pinkie Pie pouted loudly. “O-o-o-oh yeah!? Well... uhh... you smell!”

“I’m mighty proud of my natural scent,” AJ rumbled, scoffing at her chest. "Natural and proud."

“And I think you smell pleasant too,” Twilight replied sweetly, feeling her cheeks glow.

Pinkie sneered. “Well your mom-”

Applejack’s forehoof decked Pinkie Pie in the cheek very much like Rarity’s did earlier that day with Fluttershy. Except, the hoof was fully pressed into Pinkie's cheek, swung at a tilted angle, and made a sickening crunch on impact. In other words, it was completely unlike the slap Rarity gave to Fluttershy. The result, was Pinkie Pie slamming into the formerly alcohol drinking and depressed Fluttershy, sending both of the mares tumbling into a stack of pillows.

“Ya know, I’m not even mad,” Applejack said, closing her eyes in a happy expression. “I just think that was three years of all of our twitchin' at her antics in one punch. Besides, she'll be alright, and she'll forgive me for it. 'Sides, you don't insult Mama."

She looked down to see Twilight gently pressing her muzzle into her neck, unable to keep a soft, content smile from spreading over her snout. "Now, Twi', you aren't allowed to be adorable. You just got that cute nerdy thing going on, and it can break hearts, girl."

"Oh shut up, Applejack." Twilight looked up at her with a snorting laugh, bumping her horn into her friend's neck. "I'm just trying to wonder if I want to try a time travel spell again, take you home, blow this place up, or kiss you. Or maybe just wipe my mind."

Slowly, Applejack lifted up her friend's chin, pressing her nose into Twilight's. "Why can't ya do all five at once in a different order? Hay, maybe I'll... oh damn it-we need to fix all of this in the next week-oh to hay-"

"I just made out with Rainbow Dash and all I can taste is her!"

"Ahh fuck it, she's awake," Applejack spat. "Way to ruin the magic, Rarity."

"So!?" Rainbow yelled, the entire front of Rarity's and her own snout were drenched in spittle. "Do you have any idea how incredible that was? Celestia's mother you're the best kisser I've ever had! Look at me! I'm soaked and I'm drooling and-"

"I don't care how delightfully decadent your groin and mouth is because the whole concept of being with you is repulsive!" Rarity shoved Rainbow off of her to the disappointment of the crowd. It was being perked up by the completely berserk make out session of Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy sloppily pulling on each other's muzzles. It took only a second for Rarity to notice her two friends gargling on each other. Despite her own muzzle being covered in Dash's saliva, the disgust on her face only grew worse. "Oh for Luna's lactations can we all-"

"Are you kidding me?" Rainbow pulled herself back up onto her hooves, letting out a happy laugh. "Your crotch was soaking mine! You can't say you're grossed out by any of this." She turned her muzzle to watch her two friends making out, letting out a soft whistle. "And that's why I dated both of them."

Scoffing off her coat with a brush of her forehooves, Rarity blew out a vibrating nicker of stress from her soul. "I'm done," she said flatly. "We're done, Dash. There is only one, proper, way to solve this. I love you, darling. I hate you oh so much, darling, but there is one way to settle this score tonight. And I'm going to win, and you will will accept it, and everypony in Canterlot and Equestria will know it. It will redeem everything that has gone wrong. Everything."

"No, Rarity!" Pinkie screamed, spit exploding from her snout to drench Fluttershy's face. "You can't! Please! I beg you!"

"Shut up, Pinkie Pie!" Rarity shouted, stomping a forehoof onto the floor, "it's the only universally agreed upon way this dispute can be solved between Rainbow and I."

"This is madness!" Pinkie cried, tears pouring down her cheeks. She flew over to hug Rarity tightly, sobbing into her coat. "It's not fashionable anymore, Rares! And she's... she's... Dashie's county champion! Just because you're runner up-"

"I, said, shut, up, Pinkie Pie!"

"I'll shut her up," Fluttershy growled seductively, yanking Pinkie back on top of her and into a prehistoric kiss.

Silence covered the four standing Elements. They ignored the mob of ponies that had encircled them. It was broken only by the sudden realization from Rainbow Dash, who broke out into the haughtiest, loudest laugh she had ever done in her entire life. "Holy, crap! You are serious aren't you!? You wanna get your plot kicked in public? Here? With this many ponies looking on?"

Rarity stepped forward, pressing her muzzle firmly into Dash's, connecting their saliva dripping snouts once again. "Oh my wondrous Rainbow," Rarity purred, "it is you who will be my slave in defeat. I know you'll accept, won't you?"

Dash tittered in excitement. "How can't I accept destroying you half drunk? Hay, this'll undrunk me, even if that's completely not possible."

"I can't let you do this!" Twilight shoved herself between her two friends. Her eyes darted between them in panic. "The heat exhaustion. Alcohol. Shame. Everything! It'll be a disaster! A horrible, horrible disaster! Worse than even the parasprites!"

Applejack was the last to compute the magnitude of what was to come. She instantly grabbed Twilight protectively, sweat pouring down her face. "N-n-no! I love ya girls, but you can't-"

"Yes!" Rarity bellowed, "I, Rarity Gemma, challenge you, Rainbow Lightning Dash, to Dance, Dance, Revolution."