Friendship is Volatile

After a few moment of just sitting there staring at his hands Locks brought them up and tiredly rubbed his face, thanking whatever deity that saw it fit to end his internal meltdown until the soft sound of someone clearing their throat caught his attention. Looking up there was... a thing.... lounging across the large desk and gazing at him intently. The only way to describe it was a kindergartener's warped drawing come to life.

All of it's limbs, tail and horns were completely miss matched, and the its crimson eyes with yellow cornea seemed to radiate irritation as she voiced her complaint.

"You silly little creature...... For your own sake I hope you have the most fascinating cock between here and the badlands to have any chance of me not turning you inside out and making you explode into confetti. I have been waiting here for twenty minuets. TWENTY MINUETS. For you to finish talking with your junk."

"I'm trying to figure out how to keep from being viciously raped by the best flyer in Equestria. My penis happens to have some fantastic ideas."

She just stared at him blankly, blinking slowly as he smiled and started neatly stacking his books to the side as he wracked his brain for ideas.

"I'm sorry, but could you run that by me again?"

"Me. Angry females. Woman on man violence. Vicious sexual assault. Horrible rape. Trying desperately to avoid. Penis does not want. Get the picture?"

She just stared at him for a few moments, a slow smile curling on her lips as she shook her head and took a deep breath.

"By chaos, where has your spastic species been hiding all this time? I'm going to take a wild guess and say that particular mare is Spitfire, but how in the nine hells did you end up on her brutal rape list?"

"Uh...... I might have pissed her off once..... And then bluffed her with a lot of sexual harassment to keep her from beating the shit out of me..... and it worked...... kinda...."

"How.... did you bluff Spitfire with sexual harassment.... to prevent her from beating the crap out of you?"

"Well, we're just going to say it was slut magic and pretend that's a thing. The problem came when she pinned me to the ground. She said she liked me, but if I ever slapped her ass again she'd make me clean it with my tongue."

"So you slapped her ass and added some fondling for good measure?"

"I had to show her which one of us had the dick...."

She just smiled all the wider and continued to shake her head, resting it one of her weird arms.

"And now you're spooked that she's coming to deliver on that promise. What's the matter stud? Got a little stage fright?"

"It's not the performance I'm worried about, it's the package itself. I'm very well endowed downstairs for a human and I've got enough experience to please a human. So unless you know of a way to magic little Richy into the bare minimum range then I need to get back to work."

"Well... I guess since you have conversations with it the thing deserves a name.... Let me see that pony book."

Handing over the anatomy book Locks started putting the other books away when he came across an open tome he hadn't brought down with him. It looked like it was written in ye old english, but the abbreviation K.C.S and the subsequent name Kinetic Conversion Shield caught his attention.

"I'm going to regret asking this but what exactly are you.... packing down there?"

"10 and 8/10th's of an inch, 2 and 4/10th's of an inch"

Slowly raising an eyebrow and looking back to the book the woman smirked at him before closing the tome and tossing it aside.

"Why would you know it to the tenth of an inch....."

"Because every bit counts. If you had one you would understand."

Even with the exasperated sigh she let out Locks' mind coiled around the idea his own book was suggesting. Apparently the writer was convinced that this spell, when woven into a pair of boots, could absorb the force of any fall and convert it into magical energy. That energy would then be used to recharge the A.G.P.D on a few pages down...

"I may know of a potion that might help.... It's kinda like a pony repellant, but it's extremely dangerous. Would you be up to taking it? Oh! And you don't have any heart problems do you?"

Turning towards the page indicated Locks eyes widened and a huge, insane smile spread across his face.

"There's going to be a lot of things that might kill me in the next few days, but this might beat you too it."

Floating above and behind him the woman leaned over his shoulder to look at what he was reading. The Anti-Gravitational Propulsion Device, designed to alternatively negate gravity at a steady rate or in timed intervals and propel the user into the air at any angle with adjustable accelerations. It was the fucking magical jetpack of Equestria, and this damn book was just sitting around collecting dust on the table.

"Uh... how exactly is this supposed to help? Best flyer in Equestria remember?"

She flipped past the device into nothing but blank pages.

"This thing doesn't have anyway to actually fly... It just kinda launches you into the air and hopes you fall the right way."

"Long fall boots. This freakin guy made Long fall boots."

Turning back to the previous page he was reading, the boots in question also had a secondary spell that when activated, oriented the boots in the direction of the ground, ensuring the kinetic spell took effect with the user in the upright position.

"Ok..... Same problem with the best flyer thing Mr. Thick skull. You're not getting away from Spitfire with this dodad, and I've been around for a long time. My dad's been around even longer, and I'm pretty sure he would have mentioned unicorns strapping devices onto their backs and propelling themselves into the air at high speed."

"So it's probably never been tested then, doesn't mean I can't test it!"

"You don't even know how to build it! If by some miracle you do manage to make it the right way what if the design here is flawed?!"

"Then I hit the ground so hard I'll dig my own grave. Still better than unwanted surprise sex!"

She just stared at him and blinked.

"By the earth you are a lovely creature. Why can't there be more things like you filled with insanity and a complete disregard for their safety?"

"Because then it wouldn't be as much fun. My name's Locks by the way, so if you want to be my partner in crime here we should at least know each others names."

Offering her a hand she shook it with what looked like a lion's paw, smiling with an impish light glittering in her eyes.

"Eris, daughter of Discord, the god of chaos."

"Yeah, sure, why the fuck not? I just had a conversation with my dick and I'm trying to make an untested magical jetpack."

"Welp, if we're just going to load you down with things that might kill you I've got some gathering to do on that pony repellant. I'll come to visit you tomorrow so don't go getting yourself killed until I come back. I would like to personally witness your suicide in an attempt to escape being raped."

With a snap of her clawed hand Eris vanished in a flash of pink smoke, leaving him alone to contemplate exactly what he was going to do. Taking the wonder book and stashing it underneath the bed, he took note of the author and planned on scouring the library for similar books by Star Swirl the Bearded. Whoever the fuck that guy was, all he knew was beyond a doubt the man had a set of iron balls on him. Hopefully he was still alive for him to shake his hoof.

Now that his prized possession was safely hidden away he opened the book of spells to a random page and decided to poke about the basement for anything useful. Whatever might come in handy had to be replaced before Twilight suspected anything, but the moment he did come across a fairly massive cube of Thaumatic Steel he heard the distinct sound of hooves crossing the upstairs library floor.

Moving back to the desk he checked the 1001 spells book until he came across a reference for the metal, taking a deep calming breath to gather his nerves just as the same hooves made their way down the small stair case into the basement. Lighting another candle with the first offered a bit more light for him to see Twilight coming through the door with a saddle bag slung over her back and a suspicious look on her face.

"So this is where you've been hiding.... What might you be doing in my laboratory Mr. Locks?"

"Curiosity mostly. After you left I found a selection of books that caught my eye, and I've always wondered where those stairs led. It's quite nice down here and this desk is a lot taller. Easier to sit and study at."

"Uh huh.... So you haven't been poking around in my things?"

"Not at all. If I wanted to poke around your things I would have gone upstairs to your room."

The mare still had that suspicious look as she trotted over beside him and peered at the book he was reading.

"Locks, I'd really prefer if you wouldn't experiment with spells while I'm away. It's dangerous enough weaving magic with a teacher to help you, but even more so if you're all alone."

"Well, I can't really do any more magic thanks to those little tests from earlier today, but I was wondering if you knew where I could purchase some of this."

"Oh! I was planning on having you mold some of this anyway! Thaumatic Steel is a fantastic way to help control the amounts of magic being used. Applying even a small amount allows you to mold it, but gauging your output is crucial in obtaining the proper rigidity. I have a book of runes that you can use to enchant the steel further!"

It was like a dream come true. The devices he wanted to create required runic enchantments, and while the book did give instructions on what runes he needed to use Twilight was offering to teach him how to do it.

"I'd love to learn runes if you can teach me a bit early Twilight. I feel like it might be easier for me to grasp magic as a whole if it was actually tethered to something and not simply a force molded inside of my head."

"I was thinking the same thing! You don't have to worry about buying the steel though, you can have the block of it that I keep in the basement for practice! But since it doesn't come cheaply..... I think that gem you created earlier would more than enough cover the cost of it."

God damn this wicked serpent. He had to fight the urge to flatly refuse with the way she was coyly smiling at him. She was basically handing him the necessities to build his escape devices, but the instructions were implicit on the need for a magically charged gem for power. That and it was the first magical object he ever made. It didn't matter that he just poured his magic into it, he wasn't up to parting with the gem.

In the end logic won over his desire to keep the stone, and with a heavy sigh he fished around in his pocket and grudgingly handed the gem over.

"I'll give it up if you throw in a few more gems that I can charge just like it..... I know I can make more of them if I'm rested.... but this is my first....."

Carefully picking up the gem with her hoof she smiled warmly before stowing the gem into the saddle and patted his leg comfortingly.

"When Celestia took me under her wing as her student she had me do those same exercises.  I didn't want to give up my first magical object either, but it's important for me to study your raw magic to see where your aptitude might be. Lets head back up stairs for a proper lesson Locks, we're going to need plenty of light to mold the steel!"

With a slight hop to her step Twilight led the way and magically lifted the block of steel off the ground, and with her heading up first gave him a moment to smile wickedly at the plans being set into motion. He had a means to create an escape, an ally who showed up out of the blue, and not a damn soul wiser to his schemes.