Friendship is Volatile

Locks woke up the next day with a feeling of warm fuzzy content and the pleasure of a hard buzz. He was reminded once more of the gifts his friends referred to as infernal blessings. Looking towards a nearby window he smiled at the early morning light filtering through and the simple fact that he was awake and the rest of the ponies were probably still passed out, leaving them defenseless to his torments as the smile grew more twisted with each passing moment.

The second of his hellish gifts was he never suffered from hangovers, making him twice as obnoxious when added to the buzz he still had. Pulling the blanket closer against his body he snuggled down against his warm pillow and considered giving the ponies a break when said pillow happened to let out a long sigh of content along with something else against his chest wriggling gently before settling back down.

The train that was reality took that moment to obliterate him as his head jerked around and the world started snapping into place. There was a mint green unicorn curled up against his chest, and after a peek up the pillow he was currently using turned out to be Dashie. The most disturbing fact turned out to be yet another pony murmuring gently behind him and snuggling closer for warmth.

The reason he was so warm turned out to be a complete lack of cloths with the exception of his underwear, making his head spin with the possibilities of what exactly happened last night. It took him quite a long time to carefully slink off the bed, and even when he was free of the pony sandwich he had to maneuver the cream colored mare with blue and pink hair closer to the green one to keep her from waking up with the sudden lack of warmth.

With his fingers coiled in his hair and pulling maddeningly with the lack of memory he was left to flounder for a few moments as how and why he ended up in a strange bed with two complete strangers and Dashie. His first thought was to check his junk and thankfully it didn't seem grimy enough to have participated in a pony orgy. With that gleaming beacon of hope he searched the room and found his cloths, quickly dressing and was about to leave when he stopped in the doorway.

Regardless of what happened it would be wrong to leave them without some kind of note, and after a bit more searching he found a quill and ink with some parchment to write them a farewell as belittling as possible.

My Dear Ladies,

Please forgive this filthy cretin for leaving you without a proper goodbye, but a job interview this day will not wait for very long. I hope to see you both again soon.

With Love,

Lockette Hekment

WIth a small smile he left the room as quietly as possible, making his way through a small hallway and down a short flight of stairs when he had to stop and admire what might have been the living room. Ponies were laid the fuck out everywhere, empty bottles littered the small coffee table, and every square inch of furniture had ponies splayed across it with some only half way on.

"What's up bro! You want some coffee?"

Vinyl was on her back hooves with a mug of steaming joy and a shit eating smile that could give him a run for his money. Making his way carefully around and over some ponies he sat at the small table while she made him a cup.

"Vinyl.... What the fuck happened last night?"

"Eh... I don't remember anything after the massages."

"What!?"

"Oh dude! So you were shitty drunk coming back from the restaurant right? Lyra was all kinds of interested in those hand things and you decided that she needed a massage..."

"Who the fuck is Lyra?"

"Mint green, Unicorn, lyre cutie mark?"

"Ok... Got the first two, what's a cutie mark?"

Instead of answering she simply slapped the musical note adorning her rear with a smirk.

"It refers to what we're talented at guy, no one told you?"

"I never asked... I thought they were just a fad or something."

"So, you went to town on that mares body and she started wriggling and moaning when Bon Bon decided she should have a piece of that action too."

"She wouldn't happen to be cream colored with blue and pink hair would she?"

"You got it stud, a two for one deal. Well, the other mares started lining up for some special treatment but instead of doing it yourself, you started teaching some of the stallions how to really touch a lady."

"How?! How Vinyl HOW?! I have hands! Not hoofs! How the fuck did I teach stallions to give massages?!"

"How the buck should I know? Drunken slut magic?"

"Please tell me this isn't going where I think it is..."

"Hate to burst your bubble guy, but when the stallions started working the mares things got a little heated, and sweet Celestia ponies were getting freaky."

"Oh god... I instigated a pony orgy."

"Hey! Hey! There's nothing to be ashamed of bro! You got laid, I got laid, everypony got laid! We all win!"

"I did not have sex with ponies."

"How many mares were in the sack this morning stud?"

"That doesn't mean anything... Everyone was drunk."

"Did you wake up fully dressed? Because if I remember correctly at some point you were dancing in what looked like underwear and Lyra was running around with your pants on her head."

"I woke up with my underwear on, and I'm not grimy enough to have gotten laid by... three mares."

"Deny it all you want bro, but you owe me new sheets. I let you have my bed seeing as you led three different mares away."

"Vinyl, I would know if I got any. There's no way in hell I wouldn't know."

"Dude, once it goes back in the sheath there ain't no tellin where your dicks been."

Locks narrowed his eyes at the pony in front of him and considered her words carefully.

"What... Is a sheath?"

"Wha... You... Wait a minuet... You've got to be lying."

If Locks was in his normal sober state of mind his brain would have stopped him from what he did, but since he was still sporting a heafty buzz there was no hesitation as he got up, undid his pants, and dropped everything below the waist down to his knees.

"This is my penis. I have no idea what a sheath is, but this is how it is all day everyday except when I get frisky. When that happens it grows just like any other penis under the sun."

Vinyl wasn't moving. She just sat there with her mouth slightly open and after a few minuets her hoof came up to remove her sunglasses, revealing an odd shade of crimson eyes.

"....Dude...."

Pulling his pants up he waved away her reaction as he took a long drink of his cooled coffee.

"Is there alcohol in this?"

"How else do you get rid of a hangover?"

"I don't get hangovers."

"........."

Dispite the more acrid burn of alcohol compared to last night's cider the coffee was still quite good with a creamy, caramel flavor to it. Even as he drank he looked at Vinyl with a raised eyebrow.

"So.... It just.... Dangles down there?"

"Yep. When a human says: How's it hangin? That's what they mean."

"Wow... I could have gone my whole life not knowing that. So that's why Spitfire has a red ribbon on you."

"Whatcha talkin on pony? You're not making any sense."

"Dude, you've got a basilisk down stairs and that's why Spits wants you for estrous."

"Come on Vinyl, I've seen a pony anatomy book when I was reading up on some massages. It said stallion's averaged 12 to 16 inches. I'm pretty proud of my junk, but I'm not delusional."

Silence returned for just a few moments before Vinyl snorted and started laughing her ass off across from him. She nearly fell out of her chair before she was able to wave her front hooves in the air.

"In magical big dick land all the studs have huge cocks and all the mares are plowed long and hard! What the buck dude?! I don't know what you were reading but it's a bunch of shit!"

It was almost too good to be true, but there still could be the chance she was fucking with his head as he mulled over the prospect of being properly equipped if things did go south.

"Stallions are about 7 to 9 on average guy, and that's besides the fact that your like twice as tall as a normal pony and a good bit more even when we stand on our back hooves... How much are you packing down stairs exactly?"

"What? You want to measure it? That's the other reason no sexy time happened. I haven't been here nearly long enough and I'm not desperate enough to have a go at a pony."

"I still don't believe you. The power of drunken sexy time is great indeed..."

The mare suddenly hopped out of her chair and started sensually shaking her ass at him with a devious smirk on her face.

"Come on! This fine ass doesn't do anything for you? If it dangles all day then its probably really easy to get a boner!"

"Vinyl stop that. I'm not sexually attracted to ponies and it's mildly creepy."

"You sure as buck seemed interested last night."

"I was running around in my freakin underwear! If I was excited how in the hell would I have hid it?!"

"Oh yeah, that's a good point."

With his face in his hands he could only slowly shake his head. Not only did he possibly start a gigantic orgy, but there was still a huge chunk of memory lost from last night and what exactly he did with the two mares that were strangers.

"No regrets bro."

"No regrets favorite pony."

Polishing off the rest of his coffee Locks stretched and considered what exactly he needed to do. First thing was get a damn shower and cleaned up for the twins, but he couldn't leave his new bro to clean up the hellish mess from the night prior...

"I've got to get to a job interview today Scratchy, but I won't leave you hanging after hosting the party last night. You can tell my slave her first job today is to clean this place up nice and spiffy. When she's done with that tell her to come find master for the rest of the day. Oh! If she gets uppity at any point or if she doesn't finish cleaning in a timely manner tell her I'll just spread it around town that she's a liar and can't hold her booze."

The poor pony choked on her coffee at that, and while she had difficulty speaking through her laughter she waved a hoof in the air urgently, keeping him there for a moment more.

"Dude..... That's... Not a good idea."

"What? I'm not that buzzed, it'll be fine."

"Dude! You just flashed me your junk like... not even two minuets ago."

"..... Then I won't go waving my dick around. Relax Vinyl, what could go wrong?"

Her muzzle scrunched up as a peculiar smirk spread across her lips, but with one front limb covering her eyes as she shook her head she waved him off with her free hoof.

"Don't do anything crazy until I get there! If last night was anything to go by you'll end up dead or running for your life!"

With a final wave of his hand Locks stepped outside into the morning light. Taking a deep breath of the clean cool air he made his way easily through town and even found his the path to Twilight's tree library without too much difficulty, but when he approached it he heard a voice calling out from behind him. Seeing Vinyl running towards him in a precariously wobbly manner he could only smile when she caught up.

"I thought you were going to clean up the after party?"

"Buck that! I just whacked everypony with a pillow and told them to clean up and vacate! Besides, there was this convenient slave there who has to stay around to supervise. I'm not missing my bro making a name for himself after a party like last night."

With a shake of his head he lead her into the library and found Twilight, Luna, and a disgruntled looking Rarity sitting around a small table having tea. The almost serene moment was shattered the moment Rarity noticed him walk through the door, and moving with a speed and agility he hadn't thought possible the mare jumped over the table with her horn glowing, yelling all the way.

"WE STILL HAVE TIME! GET IN THE BATHROOM!"

With her horn glowing and a wall of force propelling him towards the open door Locks was left with the crazed mare in the small bathroom where his cursing could be heard just below the shouts of Rarity. Vinyl was left standing there in confusion until Luna appeared beside her with an almost affectionate smile on her muzzle.

"Come have some tea with us miss Vinyl Scratch. I've heard some interesting things about last night and I want to know all the details of that little party you had. I thought about dropping in, but I'm still a bit shy these days."

"Oh! You can come crash any party I'm at Princess! So what happened was..."

Despite Lock's pleas Rarity was belittling him and using her magic to strip his cloths off, not even waiting until he was undressed before plopping him into the shower and turning the cold water on.

"Really Mr. Locks! What happened to that professionalism you boasted so much about hmm?! Out all night drinking with an interview this morning! We'll barely get you there decent and at a punctual hour before the twins start wondering where you're at! That's not besides the obvious rumors that will probably reach them before we do! I even had a fabulous set of dress cloths ready for this big day!"

Once more the alcohol still clouding his brain circumvented the logical processes in his head. Leaning down he took the distressed mares cheeks in his hands and kissed her softly on the forehead just beneath her horn.

"I would never dream of abandoning such a generous mare or an opportunity to live normally here my dear Rarity, and I can never thank you enough for everything you've done to help me."

Without any further prompting he stripped out of the remainder of his sopping wet cloths, leaving him stark naked in front of the now very quite and extremely red faced mare.

"If you'll excuse me dear, I'll be out shortly after a thorough scrubbing. Please close the door behind you."

He could swear she moved faster than Rainbow Dash or Spitefire in that instant, slamming the door and leaving him to bathe. Outside was a different story however. The three mares outside were silent for a moment when they saw Rarity on two hooves with her back against the door and completely flushed.

"Oh... My... Goodness..."

"Awww yeah! Rarity can vouch for me when I get to that part. So anyways, Locks starts working his hands all over Lyra..."

Oddly enough, even after being shoved into a cold shower Locks was still in a fairly good mood as he carefully dressed in the cloths that were neatly folded in a small basket. Despite the uncertainty of last night and his somewhat impaired thought process he was confident that the interview with the twins would go off without an issue.

The only problem he could think of was an eerie shiver that ran up his spine as he got dressed.