Chapters A One-Way Ticket to Ponyville
This Isn't The HUB Network!
I don't usually get to watch My Little Pony : Friendship is Magic -- my wife detests the show and thinks me childish for even liking it. She is definitely anti-brony. Be that as it may, I decided to do a little channel-surfing just to see what was on. Satellite TV has a ton of channels and it takes a very long time to go through all of them, but something caught my eye when I passed one channel I didn't even know we had a subscription to. I saw a pony who looked an awful lot like Applejack trotting behind a red barn, nervously looking around to see if anypony was watching her. She then turned her backside to the far end corner of the barn and dropped a few horseapples, causing me to do a double-take.
"Did she just do that?" I asked aloud to myself. I watched as she trotted back around the front of the barn.
"Nature sure picks a bad time to call," she muttered as she made her way to the front of the farm house.
I decided to see if I could talk to her, so I plugged a microphone into a USB port on the side of the TV and turned it on.
"Applejack? Is that you?" I asked.
The orange earth pony looked around to see who was talking to her. "Show yerself! Where are ya? Who are ya? How do ya know mah name?" she asked, continuing to look around to see where the disembodied voice was coming from. What she heard were soft chuckles coming out of my mouth. "What's so funny? Ah'll betcha won't think it's funny when I buck ya!"
"My name is Michael, and I'm looking at you from a portal in another world," I replied. She looked around nervously again, trying to see if there were a portal she could find.
"I dunno who or what you are, but this ain't funny! It's not nice to pull pranks on ponies, ya know?"
"I'm not pulling a prank, Applejack -- maybe Twilight has told you about portals, yes?" I asked.
"That egghead knows almost everything," she said flatly.
"Then why don't you go get her for me so I can talk to her?" I grinned, though she couldn't see me.
"Ah'm not gonna run errands fer ya, even if ya ask nicely. Ah got better things ta do," she said dismissively and entered the house.
"Hello? Cameraman? Can you switch to Twilight's house for me?" I asked through the microphone. Amazingly, the camera view switched to show the very large oak tree and its front door, which was closed. "Is there a way you can get her attention for me?"
A certain pink earth pony came bouncing into view as if in response to my query.
"Hi, Pinkie Pie," I said cheerfully. She turned her head to look seemingly directly at me.
"Oh! Hi! How long have you been watching us?" she asked, approaching the camera. She seemed to get right up into the camera so that all of her that could be seen was her face and her beautiful blue eyes.
"Has anypony ever told you you have the most beautiful eyes --" I began.
"Hey, silly billy! Of course they have! All the stallions around here tell me that, just 'cause they want something from me! And you didn't answer my question!"
"This is a new TV channel, I've only been watching for about ten minutes," I replied.
"No, you've been watching longer than that, silly billy! I've seen you watching all of us from time to time! What's your name?"
"My name's Michael -- and I would like to talk to Twilight if you could get her for me."
"Why do you wanna talk to her? She's so boring and everything! I'm much more fun to talk to! I wanna ask you a whole bunch of questions! What's your world like? I can see your bed behind you there -- is it really comfy? Is that a mirror I see off to the left? What would happen if you put that mirror behind you? Would I be able to see myself?"
"It might create a paradox if I do that, Pinkie. I think I'm looking at your world through a portal, though what I'm looking at is a device called a television. If you were on this side of the barrier separating us, you'd see a large black rectangular screen. I wanted to talk to Twilight to see if she could create a portal for real, though I'm not sure if she'd want to visit my world. I know I would like to come to your world and see more of it than what I've been able to see so far."
"Oh, you're no fun! But if you do come here, I'll be sure to throw a big party for you, Mikey!" she exclaimed cheerfully before turning to face the tree. She glanced behind her, directly at the camera. "You're not checking our my plot, are you?"
"It is rather pretty," I offered, chuckling slightly. She blushed but giggled a little, then knocked on the front door of the library. Spike opened the door.
"Hey, Pinkie, what'cha want?" the little dragon asked. He was oblivious to my watching him.
"Is Twiley here? There's somepony I want her to meet," the pink party pony chirped.
"Hang on a second, I'll go get her," he said flatly before trudging up the stairs to fetch the librarian.
"Spike, who is it? It's Pinkie? Tell her I'm busy studying or something, I don't have time for her right now," she stated, a hint of annoyance in her voice. "What? She has somepony she wants me to meet? Whatever." She trotted slowly down the stairs and saw the baker grinning as though she were up to something. "Pinkie, this had better be important -- I"m behind on my reading, I have an experiment I'm supposed to be working on, I have a friendship report due tomorrow --"
"Come on, Twiley, this is so cool! There's somepony who wanted to talk to you -- I can see him, but he says he's talking to us through a portal or something," Pinkie stated, bouncing excitedly and dragging the librarian with her outside the library.
"Hello, Twilight," I said, trying to sound as cheerful as I could. The lavender unicorn looked around nervously, the same way Applejack had done.
"Who is this? Who are you? Where are you?" she asked, worry tinging her words. Pinkie Pie showed her the camera.
"Over there, silly filly! Can you see him?"
"All I see is a pony with a camera, Pinkie. What are you looking at?"
"But -- But he says his name's Michael! I was talking to him just a little while ago! Michael, say something else to Twiley!"
"Can you create a portal through the camera, Twilight?" I asked.
"Hmm. I don't know if I can -- there are limits to magic, you know. I'll have to see if I have a book on that," she said nonchalantly and headed back towards her front door.
"Twilight, I don't think you'll have a book on portals to alternate universes, especially human ones," I said, trying to keep her attention. She turned around again, facing the camera.
We're Here, Now What?
"Mike, who are you talking to?" asked Brenda as she entered the room. She saw me standing in front of the TV, microphone in my right hand. She turned to see what was on the TV and her expression grew dark. "What did I tell you about those ponies? You need to stop that!"
"Who else is in there with you, Michael?" asked Twilight. Brenda did a double-take when she heard this.
"Twilight, my wife Brenda is in here with me -- Pinkie, you might be able to see her if you get up into the camera again," I offered. The pink party pony bounced up to the camera again, pushing her face against it.
"Wow! She looks different from you! How many colors do you come in?" she asked, a big grin on her face. Brenda shrunk back towards the bed.
"Mike, how is this happening?" she asked apprehensively.
"I dunno, Brenda, I was channel surfing and stumbled across this channel. I'm curious to know if I can visit Ponyville again -- I had quite a bit of fun last time around," I chuckled.
"What do you mean by that? I've never seen you before," Pinkie said quizzically. She still wore a grin and tilted her head left to right and back again, still peering through the camera at us. "You mean you were here before?"
"Yeah, but that was a few months ago, when I was in a copy of Twilight's body," I replied nonchalantly. Pinkie's face lit up with a huge grin.
"I'll bet that was tons of fun! You need to come back!" she exclaimed very excitedly. She bounced over to Twilight, who was still stunned by this information. "Twilight, can you create a portal and bring Mikey here? We're gonna have so much fun!"
"He's not going anywhere," Brenda stated flatly through the microphone. "He's got things to do HERE. He can NOT go to -- Ponyville, is it? No, I won't let him!" She then turned the TV off, but the picture remained on. She pushed the button a few more times, then unplugged the TV, but it still remained on. "I don't know what's going on here, but whoever's responsible for this better stop!"
"What's going on in there?" asked Twilight. I grabbed the microphone again.
"Brenda's trying to turn off the TV and keep me from talking to you -- apparently, she doesn't want me to visit you guys," I stated flatly. Suddenly, a pink foreleg came through the TV into our room as Pinkie got back into the camera again, her face practically taking up the entire screen.
"Come on, Mikey! Let's have some fun!" she chirped. Brenda was aghast at the sight of the pink party pony's foreleg. I took a step back, but reached out for her hoof with my right hand and grabbed hold of it. I was amazed by the softness but didn't have time to react when I felt myself being bodily pulled through the TV. I fell forward as Pinkie fell backward with the force of her pull with me landing on top of her as she landed on her back. I was sprawled across her, nose to muzzle. She gave me a quick kiss before I could react.
"Pinkie Pie! Sorry about that," I grinned sheepishly. She giggled quite a bit at my reaction.
"You're such a silly billy!" she exclaimed, still giggling.
"Mike! You come back here right NOW! " Brenda shouted through the microphone. "And get off that pony! What the fuck do you think you're doing? Are you trying to have sex with her?"
"Your wife is a real potty-mouth, you know?" Twilight queried, trying to stifle a giggle herself.
"Tell me about it," I replied flatly. "She's been like that for 20 years." I turned to see Brenda's hand seemingly coming from nowhere. "Give me a flyswatter, I'm gonna teach her a lesson," I chuckled.
"You're not gonna teach me nothing!" my wife shouted angrily. "When I get my hands on you --"
"You're not gonna do anything, Brenda! What makes you think you can touch me here?" I asked, anger and resentment coloring my words. I watched as she stuck her head through the portal. The camera-pony dropped his equipment in shock as Brenda seemed to squeeze through it, making it into Ponyville herself. She walked up to me at this point.
"Mike! I told you to come back! Now how are we supposed to get back? Have Twilight send us?" she asked indignantly.
"Oooh, cool! Now I can throw BOTH of you a welcome party! We're gonna have so much fun!" Pinkie chirped as she bounced around very excitedly. Brenda chuckled at the pink party pony as she continued to bounce around, babbling on about how this was going to be the biggest, bestest party EVER!
"Um, Pinkie, I'm afraid I'm not much of one for parties," I stated flatly. She bounded over to me and got up into my face.
"You're gonna enjoy yourself or there's gonna be trouble for you, mister meaniepants," she said in a threateningly low tone of voice. "I don't care if you're not one for parties, but NOPONY turns down a Pinkie party!"
"All right, I'll go, jeez -- you're gonna force me to have fun? What have I gotten myself into? Hey, Twilight, can you get ahold of Princess Celestia and have her send us back? Can she do this? Can you do it?" I asked, my expression changing to one of worry.
"Oh no you don't, Mikey! You're going to my party, even it I have to drag you there myself!" Pinkie exclaimed, her mane and tail flattening out a bit.
"I'll help him, Pinkie -- I've been trying to break him out of his shell for the past 20 years and he still doesn't want to loosen up!" Brenda laughed. "The way Mike's been going on about this place has made me a little curious, but I didn't think I could come here. It'll be fun for a day, but we gotta go back before tonight's over."
Twilight recovered from her shock of seeing two humans suddenly appear. "Um, I will have Spike send a letter to the Princess -- I'm sure she'd be very interested to meet you -- but I don't know if she'll be able to send you back."
Other ponies who had been passing by stopped to see what was going on and a certain mint-green unicorn trotted up to us. "I knew it! I tried to tell everypony that humans were real, but nopony believed me! And here you two are!"
"You must be Lyra," I said flatly. "But is it really that big a deal to you?"
"Are you kidding? I've been reading every book on the subject of humans I could find! I was hoping I'd get a chance to see a human before I died -- this is like a dream come true! But why is the shorter one much darker?"
"Our ancestries are different -- I am of European ancestry and Brenda is of African ancestry," I replied. More ponies had gathered around us to check out the curiosity of two humans. Pinkie had already left, but I hadn't been paying attention to that.
"Oh, cool -- you're from different parts of your world?" Lyra asked, a big toothy grin on her face. She was slowly approaching us to get a closer inspection.
"No, not really -- just our ancestors. Brenda is from Louisiana, I'm from Illinois -- we got married about 20 years ago, several months after Brenda moved to Illinois," I offered. Pinkie popped up from out of nowhere.
"We could have an anniversary party for you two!" she chirped before disappearing again. I chuckled at the prospect.
"She's gonna force me to have fun against my will," I stated flatly. "Fun is not fun if it's forced on you."
"Michael, it's Pinkie Pie, what do you expect?" asked Twilight. "Besides, you just need to give her a chance -- you'll find out it's more fun than you think!"
"Mike, what's happened to us? We look like cartoon characters," Brenda mused. She looked around nervously at the growing number of ponies who were watching us, whispering to each other. I noticed this as well.
"Um, listen up, everypony -- I know you are all wondering who we are -- and I see more of you are coming by to check us out. My name is Michael Walker, and this is my wife, Brenda. We are humans from another universe. Pinkie Pie pulled me through a portal and Brenda followed me here. Since we're new here, we hope to make a good impression on you all, and hope that you may come to accept us as members of your society," I said, trying to sound upbeat and optimistic.
A barrage of questions from a great many ponies drowned everything else out at this point. Lyra had practically sidled right up to me to get a very close inspection and Brenda tried to shoo her away. Twilight was trying to calm everypony down, though they had become rather restless and were shouting over each other in an attempt to get answers to their specific questions.
"HEY!!
"Thanks, Michael," the lavender unicorn grinned.
What Do You Mean, We Can't Go Back?
While all the commotion was going on, I looked up to see a chariot being pulled by a couple of white-coated pegasi wearing gold armor. A regal-looking pony was standing in this chariot, which was brought to a stop not far from us. I recognized her immediately, but Brenda was somewhat more taken aback. She knew who this tall white pony was, but the name escaped her. The Alicorn trotted up to us slowly.
"So, you two must be the new arrivals," she said softly, a small smile on her face.
I bowed before her. "Your Majesty, if you may recall, I am Michael Walker and this is my wife Brenda," I stated reverently.
"No, Michael Walker, I have not seen you before -- we do not take too kindly to humans in our world. I have certain memories of humans who were rather troublesome in the past."
"I visited an alternate universe a few months back and met you there. Since this seems to be another universe, you are unfamiliar with me and my wife -- I promise you no trouble, your Majesty," I offered.
"Michael, who is this?" Brenda asked, giving a quizzical glance at me. Before I could answer, the Solar Princess answered her question.
"I am Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria," she replied warmly.
"Your Majesty, I was wondering if it might be possible for you to send us back to our home world -- I was wanting to visit Ponyville once again, but not exactly on a permanent basis."
"How did you two get here?"
"Pinkie Pie pulled me through a portal and Brenda followed me," I stated. The pink earth pony nodded her head vigorously, giving a big toothy grin before disappearing again.
"I do not sense a portal nearby -- where exactly was it?"
I looked around and saw a camera on the ground. "I believe that camera has the answer, your Majesty," I replied. "I think we came through that."
The Princess examined the camera with her magic. "It appears that it may have been a one-way portal, Michael. It may have been your way here, but it cannot be your way back. I sense nothing on the other side of this device."
"What, does that mean we're stuck here?" Brenda asked fearfully as she grabbed hold of my right arm, squeezing it tightly. Beads of sweat started forming on her head as her worry became evident.
"My magic allows me to create portals to other worlds, however it may not be the world you came from. I am rather reluctant to send you to a world other than your own. I may have to do some research in order to find the world you came from before I can send you back. Considering the number of possibilities, that process may take a very long time."
"How long do you think it will take? Depending on how much time it takes, we might very well not have jobs to return to -- we might lose our house and car," I stated glumly. "I'm gonna miss that car."
"Wait -- you had -- a CAR?!" Lyra asked incredulously, though a big grin crept across her face. 'I KNEW it!" I chuckled at her question.
"Yeah, that's right, Lyra, we had a car -- we go practically everywhere in it. If we can't go back to our home world, we're going to lose it along with our house. The prospect of losing both our house and our car depresses me," I stated rather glumly.
"Perhaps I might be able to help," the Solar Princess offered, still smiling warmly. "What does your car look like?"
"Can you read my mind? I have it pictured," I replied. The Alicorn lit her horn again and wrapped her aura around my head. I felt her presence intruding into my mind, but it lingered only a very short while. She then wrapped her aura around a rather large boulder and transformed it into a copy of my vehicle. My jaw dropped when I saw this happen. "Princess Celestia! I can't believe you did that!" I exclaimed in astonishment. Brenda was left speechless as well.
"Just a small demonstration of what I'm capable of doing," she chuckled softly. Lyra trotted up to it and around it, inspecting it very closely as did Twilight.
"I have a keyfob in my pocket, let me check this out -- but are there any roads to drive it on around here? It's pretty much useless like that -- and what about a house? Where are we going to live?" I asked. "What are Brenda and I supposed to do here now that we can't go back? We don't have jobs here, we don't have money here --"
"I will make arrangements for you two, Michael. Twilight, do you have a guest room for them? Can you give them temporary quarters until I can arrange for their housing?" the Princess asked her student.
"Yes, Princess, I will help Spike clear out the guest room in the Library for them. Michael, Brenda, I am very curious to know more about you two! I want to know everything about this car of yours as well! You can stay in my guest room until your house is ready."
"Thank you for your generosity, Twilight. Your Majesty, thank you too for your gift," I stated, smiling at the Alicorn. I took my keyfob out of my pocket and tested it on the car. Amazingly enough, pushing buttons on the keyfob worked on the car. The horn sounded as I hit the power lock, causing many of the ponies to jump unexpectedly. Princess Celestia raised an eyebrow.
"Does this device normally do that when you press a certain button on that trinket you hold?" she asked, giving me a very quizzical look.
"Yes, Princess, it does -- and if I hit the panic button, it sounds the horn repeatedly, like so," I demonstrated, pushing the red button on the fob causing the horn to blare several times before pushing the button again causing the noise to stop.
"Michael, please don't do that again, unless it's an emergency -- when you pushed that red button, it caused me to suffer a slight headache," the Alicorn admonished.
"My apologies, your Majesty. I had no idea it served that purpose as well -- I suppose the car summons you when I push the panic button. You have my word I shall only push it if there's an actual emergency."
"Mike, I'm hungry," Brenda complained. "And I need a smoke."
"I can make arrangements for you regarding your hunger as well. A smoke?" asked the Alicorn. "What do you smoke?"
"Newport longs," Brenda replied flatly.
"Mentholated cigarettes," I explained, answering the Princess' puzzled expression. She frowned when I said that.
"We do not encourage that activity -- it pollutes the air and causes certain diseases," the Alicorn stated flatly before examining Brenda with her magic. "Brenda, it appears you have developed certain cancers within your body -- there are certain ailments you suffer -- please give me a moment to heal you, perhaps that may alleviate your craving."
Brenda was quite impressed as she noticed that most of her nagging health problems seemed to melt away as the Alicorn extinguished her aura around my wife. It was at this moment I made a request of the Princess.
"Your Majesty, I am quite impressed by your ability to heal -- perhaps you might be able to help me with my health problems as well, as I am nearly as old as my wife. If there is anything you might request of me as repayment, I will be happy to oblige you with your needs," I offered. She smiled at my request, then mused thoughtfully for a moment before wrapping me with her magic aura. I could feel aches and pains disappear, my teeth mending, my vision improving and my breathing become easier. The ringing in my ears stopped, allowing me to hear clearly for the first time in years. I bowed before the Alicorn, thanking her profusely for her work, eliciting a broad smile from her.
"Michael, when the time comes, I shall call in this favor from you. Until then, enjoy yourself at the party Pinkie is going to throw for you two. You will have your fill of food and drink there. I shall see you soon," she stated as she returned to her chariot. We waved a farewell to her as she was carried back to her castle.
"Um, if you don't mind my asking, how old are you two exactly?" asked Twilight.
"Forty-nine," we responded simultaneously, eliciting light laughter from some of the ponies still milling about. It appeared that they wanted to satisfy their curiosity as well. I turned to Brenda and said, "Jinx!" causing her to groan audibly.
"Mike, when are you going to grow up?" Brenda asked in exasperation.
"I've been wondering that all my life, Brenda -- the answer is probably never," I chuckled. Pinkie Pie returned at this point.
"Hey, you two, the party's ready! Come on!" she chirped excitedly, pulling me by my left arm. Brenda giggled a little and followed us.
"Um, help?" I half-said, half-asked.
Is This Supposed to be a Punishment?
In all honesty, the party was quite enjoyable -- though Brenda put a very quick stop to a game I had introduced to some of the mares by punching me in the head a couple of times.
"How dare you try to play 'Spin the Bottle' with them! What the fuck is wrong with you?" my wife screeched. Many of the ponies who witnessed this attack stood in shock and stunned silence. Twilight trotted up to me, an expression of worry on her face. Pinkie scowled at Brenda. Some of the other ponies came to my defense at this point.
"Michael, are you okay? Brenda, why did you hit him like that? Do you know what punishment mares receive for attacking stallions?" asked the librarian.
"Yeah! Why do you have to be such a meaniepants? This party is supposed to be fun, and Mikey was only trying to give us another fun game to play!" the pink pony said, a bit of anger in her voice.
"Mike is my husband and he is NOT supposed to be trying to kiss you ponies! I swear there's something wrong with him! Is there a shrink in this town? He needs help!" Brenda nearly shouted. I was left holding my head where she had hit me, the pain still rather sharp.
"Um, Twi, a little help here, please?" I asked meekly. "It still hurts a bit..."
The lavender unicorn cast a little healing magic on me, alleviating most of the pain. "Thanks, I needed that."
"Princess Celestia will be hearing about this," Twilight said flatly. "You're in trouble now, Brenda."
"Don't take his side! He disrespected me! You're going to threaten ME?!"
"There was no need for violence, Brenda -- simply admonishing him would have proven sufficient -- but you physically attacked him? He was merely trying to introduce us to a new game," the librarian chided.
"You shouldn't be so jealous! He's married to you, so you shouldn't worry about him leaving you!" Pinkie chimed in.
"Acting like a ruffian does not help matters, Brenda," Rarity added.
"Stop defending him! He's the one who's wrong here!" Brenda protested stridently. Another voice was heard, this one sounding more matriarchal.
"Be that as it may, Brenda, there was no need to resort to the use of violence. I am certain your husband intended no disrespect to you -- such a game is perhaps a little suggestive, though of greater amusement than harm. Your actions cause me to question your suitability to my realm, and if there were a way for me to return you to your home world, I would take it upon myself to do so. You will have to remain separated from your husband until your behavior changes," the Solar Princess stated flatly.
"Michael, I would request you refrain from teaching my little ponies such games, as they may not be entirely accustomed to the cultural norms of your species. I would rather you have consulted with me first before teaching them such a game."
"Yes, your Majesty. I'm sorry," I stated reverently and bowed to her.
"Perhaps I should keep both of you in my castle so that I may keep a closer eye on you two. I know you mean no harm, Michael, but I fear you may prove to be a bad influence on my little ponies, and I cannot allow for that. You two will be provided room and board in my castle, and activities to occupy your time. You will be required to remain there until such time as I can determine a way to return you to your home world."
"Princess, there is much I wish to learn from him! May I visit them on occasion?" asked Twilight.
"You may, on the provision that I supervise those visits. I do not wish to have to intervene, but there are certain aspects of humanity I still do not trust. You have witnessed firsthoof those tendencies towards violence and puerile behavior." The Solar Princess then enveloped Brenda and me in her golden aura and teleported us to her castle, specifically the Great Hall. She summoned a pair of royal guardsponies to escort us to separate chambers which were adjoined by a door.
"You two will have separate rooms and a royal guardspony as a chaperon to ensure no further animosity occurs. I encourage the two of you to enjoy yourselves as much as you wish," she stated and smiled warmly at us. Brenda glared at me and raised her fist again.
"This is another fine mess you've gotten us into, Mike! I swear, if it's the last thing I do --"
"Brenda, please curb your tongue. I will brook no further violence from you, lest you desire to spend some time in my dungeon," the Alicorn admonished sternly. "Michael, is there something else you wish to say?" she asked as she noticed me strike a pensive mood.
"I was just thinking, your Majesty..." I began. Brenda stole a glance at me and frowned.
"I don't like it when you think -- bad things happen," my wife said flatly. The Alicorn smiled a little bit in amusement.
"What are you thinking about, if I may be so bold as to inquire?"
"I was entertaining the possibility of becoming a pony, though I am having second thoughts about that," I replied. Brenda growled at me in anger.
"You are a human! You're not supposed to want to be a pony! Don't make me hit you again!" she bellowed. Princess Celestia hit her with a freeze spell.
"Michael, how long have you had to endure such suffering from her?"
"Twenty years, your Majesty," I replied flatly.
"I have ways of dealing with this sort of thing," she said softly, smiling at me. She used another spell on Brenda, turning her into a zebra mare and releasing her from her freeze spell. I had to stifle a chuckle, as did the Alicorn. Brenda found herself looking up at me, her new perspective causing her to panic. She galloped around frantically.
"What did you do to me? What happened? Why am I so short?"
"You're a zebra now, Brenda," I observed, trying very hard not to titter into giggles.
"You will remain in that form until I decide to change you back," Celestia said sternly. "You will learn to respect stallions."
Suddenly I found myself wrapped in a golden aura and my perspective changed quite a bit -- I was still looking down at Brenda, but from just a short distance down. I no longer towered over her as I found myself transformed into a unicorn stallion. My skin had turned into a medium purple coat of fur. I craned my neck around to see my tail had turned a two-tone orange and gold. Brenda stared at me in disbelief.
"Twilight's not going to believe this," I muttered aloud. Celestia chuckled at my statement.
"Personally, I think she might be pleased," the Alicorn mused softly.
"It's been a few months since I was last in a pony's body -- this may take a little effort for me to get my legs back, as it were," I observed.
"What do you mean by that?" asked a somewhat surprised Celestia. "I remember you saying something about wanting to visit ... again? I've never seen you before."
I told her about the previous visit to another universe and how I was in a copy of Twilight's body. She expressed amazement and disbelief upon hearing my story.
"If you don't think it's true, why not read my mind?" I asked. I tested my trotting ability and found myself almost instinctively doing so with relatively little effort. Brenda was doing the same thing, practicing her movements in order to acclimate herself to her new body. She started cantering, then galloping around swiftly, her mane and tail flowing elegantly. I smiled as I heard her start laughing.
"Princess, this is amazing! This is wonderful! Thank you so much!" Brenda said almost gleefully.
"It looks like you're enjoying that a little too much, Brenda," the Alicorn chuckled. "If you'd like, you're welcome to remain in that form for as long as you wish."
"I've never been able to move so fast!" she exclaimed excitedly. "Hey, what about that party? Can we go back?"
"I shall supervise, to ensure no further hostilities ensue. Michael, will you be joining us?"
"Yes, I shall, Princess. I think the others might find my new appearance ... interesting," I mused. Without further ado, we were whisked away back to Sugarcube Corner, where the party was still going on. The Solar Princess introduced us as everypony gasped in amazement at our new appearance.
"That means ... another party!" exclaimed Pinkie Pie. "Two parties on the same day! This is going to be so much fun! Hey, Mikey, ya wanna play a new game we found?"
"As long as it's not 'Spin the Bottle,' I'm cool with whatever it is," I replied. The pink party pony gave me a rather crestfallen look as Twilight sidled up to me.
"I like the new you, Michael," she grinned. "I'll teach you some magic, since you're a new unicorn," she offered softly.
"I'm still married to him! Get away from him!" Brenda exclaimed angrily as she trotted over to us. I lit my horn and erected a barrier between us.
"I hate to disappoint you, Twilight, but I already know how to use magic -- I was in a copy of your body last time I visited Ponyville," I chuckled. This drew a gasp from the librarian who hit me with a barrage of questions, which I tried to answer as best I could. I gave her the full rundown, but while I was telling my story, everypony had gathered around to listen. Even Celestia seemed enraptured by the story, though Brenda found it difficult to believe, even though I had told her this same story several times before.
"I can't believe you defeated Nightmare Moon by yourself!" Twilight exclaimed excitedly.
"I can't believe you freed me from the Sun," Celestia stated in astonishment.
"I can't believe I would have almost died like that," Pinkie said rather sullenly. "Can we go to that universe? I wanna help them."
"I have no idea of how to get there, Pinkie," I replied. "Alternate universes can be such tricky things to deal with, and you almost never know what might happen if you jump into them willy-nilly."
The party returned to its festive mood once again after my explanations of previous events. Twilight asked me more questions, though Brenda stayed very close to me to ensure nothing else happened between us. Fluttershy came up and started talking to Brenda, drawing her away from us.
"Your wife can be so mean," Twilight said, just above a whisper. "Why does she have to be like that?"
"She's been like that pretty much ever since we got married," I replied sullenly. "I think she likes being a zebra, though."
"She appears to be a bit happier, though I still don't understand why she's so jealous."
"I've been with her longer than any other man has -- and I think she might be scared of losing me to one of you, or perhaps you specifically, Twilight. She noticed I had a fascination with you, and since I'm a pony now, that has put her in a very difficult position. I see the way she's staring at me, as though she's deeply afraid I might divorce her and take you for my new wife."
Twilight blushed at my comment. "Um, I'm honored you'd consider me as a wife, Michael! But you're still married -- you're not actually going to divorce her, are you?"
"I'd like to, but there are consequences for doing that -- and I'm not prepared to deal with those just yet. So no, I'm not going to divorce her."
She scowled at me and trotted back over. "What are you two discussing? Future marriage ideas?"
"No, Brenda -- you shouldn't worry about that. Only the Princess can divorce us, and I'm not going to ask her for that," I replied flatly. "Honestly, you worry too much."
Her stomach growled at this point, causing her to blush. "How am I supposed to eat without my hands?" she asked.
"Use your hooves, like this," Pinkie Pie offered as she shoved a cupcake into my wife's mouth. She started coughing, spitting up pieces of the cupcake onto the floor.
"I can't eat a whole cupcake like that at once," she complained. "Pretty tasty, though."
"Hey, Pinkie, can I have one of those?" I asked.
"Sure, Mikey! Here ya go!" she chirped as she shoved a cupcake into my mouth. I almost gagged on it as I coughed it up.
"Pinkie, what makes you think we can swallow a whole cupcake? Just because you can doesn't mean we can too, you know," I said flatly.
"You can be such a silly billy!" she giggled and hoofed me another cupcake, which I took in my magic aura and nibbled lightly from it.
"These are quite good, Pinkie -- what kind are they?"
"I call them, 'Rainbow Cupcakes!'" she giggled. I spat it out immediately. "Just kidding, Mikey! It's just strawberry! Don't look at me like that! I was just kidding!"
"Don't prank me like that any more, Pinkie," I admonished sharply, glaring menacingly at her.
"What do you mean by 'Rainbow Cupcakes?'" Brenda asked.
"You wouldn't get the reference, Brenda. Just leave it alone, they're strawberry cupcakes ... I think," I muttered.
There Must Be A Misunderstanding
Different Sleeping Arrangements
Princess Celestia took her leave, allowing us to continue mingling with the other ponies at the party, which ran until the wee hours of the morning. We had a great deal of fun, singing karaoke, where I learned several catchy new songs, we danced, where I learned how to dance as a pony, even if Brenda chose not to join me for a few of the slow dances. Pinkie Pie noticed my frustration and asked me what was wrong -- I told her Brenda didn't want to join me for a slow dance, whereupon the pink party pony forced her to. I'll have to admit, seeing her blush as a zebra proved to be an interesting sight!
Eventually the party wound down and everypony left. Twilight trotted up to us and informed us she had prepared her guest room for us, so we trotted along with her to the library. We chatted a little bit as we made our way there.
"So, Twilight, what's on the agenda for tomorrow?" I asked.
"I will have to send the Princess a letter to determine the best course of action to take with you two. She talked to me at length about what transpired earlier between you two -- she told me I was to keep the two of you separated until Brenda improved her attitude towards you, Michael."
"What does that mean? I thought my attitude towards my husband has improved to the point where we can sleep in the same bed," Brenda complained. "I don't want to sleep alone!"
"You can share my bed, Brenda," Twilight offered, a slight hint of a smile on her face.
"You're not my husband!"
"If it bothers you that much, perhaps Michael can share my bed," the librarian offered, her smile widening a bit.
"Hell NO! I won't let him do that!" the zebra shouted as loud as she could.
"I was told to keep you two separated -- Brenda, you are not to disobey the Princess. The consequences of disobeying her might be a greater punishment than you might want to face," Twilight stated matter-of-factly.
"I'm going to have some words with her about keeping me from my husband! I don't care WHO she is, she can NOT keep me from my HUSBAND!! If I can't sleep with him, NO ONE CAN!!" Brenda bellowed, her eyes flashing red with rage.
"I believe I've seen enough," came another voice from seemingly out of nowhere. Brenda turned around in a circle to determine where it had come from, only to bump face to chest-plate with the Solar Princess herself, who glowered at the zebra in disapproval. "Brenda, my earlier statement still holds. You are not permitted to remain with your husband, and as a result of your outburst, you will be confined to my Castle until I decide you are ready to rejoin your stallion."
"WHAT? You can't be serious! Who gave you the authority to keep me from my HUSBAND?!"
Celestia chuckled. "You don't seem to understand, Brenda. I am the ruler of this land and my word is law. Defiance and insubordination are actions I have little tolerance for. I caution you to calm yourself, lest you provoke my ire. Since you are now in my realm, you must respect me as your leader -- I am royalty, though you are unaware of that fact. I shall take you to my Castle and I will demonstrate for you the level of my power in the morning when I raise my Sun."
"But ... but ... I don't want to sleep alone! I have slept by my husband's side almost every night for the last 20 years! Please don't take me away from him! I don't want to lose him to ... that purple pony he seems to be obsessed with!"
"My name is Twilight, Brenda -- I have a name, you know! Don't worry, I will not take your husband from you -- I will respect your desire -- your husband will still have the guest room, though," the librarian offered, trying to assuage her fears.
"It's not that I don't trust you, Twilight -- it's that I don't trust Michael to behave himself! Now that he's here, and he's close to you, I don't think he'll be able to control himself!"
"She's a fine one to talk," I muttered under my breath. Twilight's smile widened ever so slightly as she just barely heard what I said, though Brenda was a little too far away to hear it. "Don't worry, Brenda, I'll behave, I promise," I stated in my normal tone of voice.
"You'd better behave yourself!" my wife shouted at me. Celestia glowered at my wife.
"You must learn to trust your husband, Brenda. I believe I may have to keep you in my Castle a bit longer than I had anticipated for the purpose of re-educating you in the ways of the pony," she stated flatly, maintaining a serious gaze towards the zebra. I saw her eyes go wide as saucers, her pupils diminishing to pin-pricks.
"How long is that?" she asked. Her knees seemed to tremble a little as the fear of spending a long time away from anything or anyone she knew started to take root in her.
I turned my attention to the Alicorn. "Your Majesty, please go easy on her -- she's still my wife and I just hope you don't return her to me a shell of her former self. I will be quite distraught if she's broken when she comes back to me."
"Relax, Michael, I will see to it she is returned to you unharmed. Brenda, the length of your stay and course of re-education cannot be determined with any degree of accuracy until you have been fully evaluated. Given your present emotional state and evidence of your recent outbursts, I believe it may take about a year or so before you can reunite with your husband." Brenda's jaw dropped as she fell to her haunches.
"NOO! Please, Princess! Please, I can't be away from him for that long! Please!" she wailed as tears started trickling down her cheeks. I expressed a degree of shock at this mention, my face not betraying my surprise.
"As I said before, Brenda, how long this takes is entirely up to you. If your progress is swift, the process will take considerably less time, though that still remains to be determined. Michael, I apologize for the inconvenience this will cause you."
"I trust your judgment, your Majesty, but please try to get this done as swiftly as possible. I don't like sleeping alone either, you know," I offered. Brenda trotted up to me and tried to hug me before the Alicorn used her magic to stop her in her tracks before she even got close to me. "Please, your Majesty, we're going to be away from each other for too long. Please let me hold her one more time before you take her with you," I pleaded. Celestia relented, releasing her hold on the zebra, who trotted to me and embraced me in a tight hug. "I love you, Brenda," I whispered in her ears, causing her to smile.
"I love you too, Mike, even if I don't show it very often," she replied, tears still tracing their way down her cheeks. The Alicorn cleared her throat loudly to get our attention.
"If you don't mind, I believe the time has come for me to take Brenda back to my Castle," she stated somewhat coldly, still glowering at the zebra.
"Don't let me go," she pleaded with me as I held her tightly in my forelegs.
"I'm sorry, Brenda, please forgive me," I sighed sadly.
"Don't tell me this was YOUR idea!" she shouted at me, raising her left forehoof in an attempt to strike me again. She was immediately hit with a freeze spell from the Princess, who shouted, "Enough!" in her Royal Canterlot Voice, startling both of us. She used her telekinesis to separate us and teleported back to her castle with my wife.
"Sorry you had to endure that," Twilight said, offering me some sympathy. "How long have you suffered like that?"
"She's been like that for nearly the entire time we've been married, Twilight. I never know from one day to the next what lies in store for me when I get home from work. Sometimes she's nice to me and some days ... well, she can be a bit of a --"
My words were interrupted by the librarian stuffing a hoof in my mouth. "I think I know where you were going with your line of reasoning, Michael, and I'd rather not hear you say something disparaging about your wife. I feel sorry for you -- I can't even imagine what it must be like for you to have to put up with somepony who is so disrespectful of you." She removed her hoof at this point.
"That tasted awful," I commented. "Next time, make sure your hooves are clean, please?"
"Sorry," she said by way of a halfhearted apology, though she also grinned sheepishly at my reaction.
"I'm tired, Twilight, let's get some sleep," I said as I trotted the last several steps toward the library. I expected her to trot beside me, but apparently she was still standing where we had been. She appeared to be lost in thought. "Um, Twilight? I need for you to open the door -- I'm not gonna just barge on in, and I thought I saw Spike at the party -- or did he leave?"
"Oh, sorry, Michael, I was just thinking about what you had told me. Spike was at the party, but he left early to get some sleep -- he's going to be helping Rarity at the boutique tomorrow and he wanted to be well rested so he could help her to the best of his ability. I'll let you in and show you to the guest room." She smiled and grinned sheepishly again before trotting to the door and opening it for me. I followed her inside, whereupon she closed and locked the door behind her as silently as she could. "Don't wanna wake him up, you know," she grinned. I followed her upstairs to the second level and she opened the guest room door for me. "Pleasant dreams, Michael," she offered.
"My dreams would be a bit more pleasant if you were to let me join you, Twilight," I said, flashing a big toothy grin.
"Michael! You said you were going to behave!"
"Yeah, I know -- but I don't like sleeping alone. Even so, I shall honor my wife's request and sleep by myself. Good-night, Twilight," I said softly as I entered the guest room and laid down on the bed. She shut the door behind me after bidding me good-night in return. I dreamt about her that night, though Brenda would occasionally intrude into those dreams.
There Must Be Some Kind of Mistake
Homesickness
Princess Celestia had taken Brenda to a private bedchamber just down the hallway from hers. Brenda had trotted around the room, marveling at all the decorations and asking how long she was going to be a guest in the castle, but also protesting what she felt was unfair punishment from the Alicorn, who tried to reason with and comfort her.
"Brenda, I assure you, this is for your own good. I know you probably hate me for having taken you from your husband, but your attitude toward him must change -- I hear you have been married to him for more than 20 years, so please explain to me why it is that you treat him so unfavorably," the Solar Princess stated calmly. Brenda was laying on the bed as the Alicorn stood attentively a short distance away, her gaze never leaving the zebra's face.
"But -- I don't see how I am treating him unfairly --" Brenda began, but was immediately cut off.
"I shall use my magic to look through your memories to see what you have been doing to him over the years." Celestia lit her horn and enveloped her golden aura around Brenda's head, delving into her mind and examining a great many memories.
"It would appear you have misjudged him, Brenda. Your memories are tinted by your expectations of your husband -- always expecting him to be able to do more than he is capable of. Your disappointment at his inability to satisfy you has given way to your maltreatment of him. Truthfully, Brenda, your willingness to take advantage of his kindness has led to your contempt for it -- and his attempts to please not only you but your children as well have led to your complete mistrust in him. I have looked into his mind and I have seen what he has done in the past -- but he is remorseful for those actions and is trying to make amends for his past transgressions. The fact that you continue to look for ulterior motives behind his actions speaks volumes about your lack of confidence in him, which has led to your continuous poor attitude towards him."
Brenda was left aghast at these revelations, her mouth hanging open. She tried to say something in defense of her actions, but every time she opened her mouth in an attempt to rebut the Princess' statements, nothing came out. She repeatedly opened and closed her mouth several times as she started and stopped her train of thought.
"It would appear to me that you have a great deal to think about, Brenda. Please consider what I have told you over your sleep tonight -- I shall have my sister watch over your slumber to ensure no bad dreams come to you tonight," the Alicorn said softly.
"How long am I going to be stuck here?"
"We shall see, Brenda. We shall see." The Solar Princess took her leave, closing the door behind her. Brenda turned over on her bed, weeping silently, her mind racing with thoughts concerning what she had been told.
Have I really been that mean to him? Has he really only just been trying to be nice? Doesn't she understand or appreciate my concerns? Why isn't she punishing him? This isn't fair!
--------------------------------------------------------
The sun's light streaming in through the guest room window woke me -- the air was a little chilly, but it felt almost invigorating. As a pony, my sleep had been rather sound, even though my dreams were perhaps a little hazy. I trotted to the stairs and headed down to greet Spike and Twilight, who were eating breakfast. I hadn't bothered to brush my mane and tail, so I looked a little unkempt.
"Nice of you to join us, sleepyhead!" the librarian giggled as I made my way to the table.
"I didn't know what you wanted for breakfast, so I made a few hay pancakes for you," Spike offered, grinning slightly.
"Thanks, those will be just fine," I replied as I took a seat at the table.
"No problem, Mike," he chuckled.
"You know, you might want to be careful about what you say when you're sleeping," Twilight offered, blushing ever so slightly. She appeared to be trying to stifle her giggling, but wasn't succeeding at it.
"I don't talk in my sleep -- at least, not as a human. My wife does, though -- what did I say?" I asked as I watched the librarian and her assistant start chuckling.
"Well, Michael, let's just say you really like me," Twilight offered, though she was clearly on the edge of falling into all-out laughter. I narrowed my eyes at her in my annoyance.
"Yeah, I do like you, Twilight -- but why do you find it so funny?"
"Well ... I could tell you ... but ... I'm not going to!" she said as she lost her battle to control her laughing.
"... Whatever," I grumbled, exhaling sharply through my nostrils. "So what are we doing today?"
"I would like for you to show me what you know about that ... vehicle out there, the one Princess Celestia made for you," the lavender mare stated as she regained her composure. "I will need to take notes on it and I want a full demonstration of what it can do."
"Sounds good. Let me fetch the keys and we can get started on it." I concentrated on where the keyfob would be and teleported it to a point a few feet in front of me, levitating it in my aura. Twilight let a low whistle escape her lips when she saw me do this.
"Michael, that's some advanced magic you just used -- I was unaware you were capable of something like that," she stated in surprise, impressed with what was, for me, a rather mundane use of my magic.
"Why so surprised? That was nothing special," I stated matter-of-factly. I half-chuckled at her reaction as I trotted outside to inspect the car, though it was a little more difficult to get a good idea of what it looked like from a pony's perspective. The librarian and her dragon assistant followed me outside. Once we were standing by the driver's side of the car, I showed them how the key fob worked, opening the doors with my telekinesis, inserting the key into the ignition and staring up the vehicle. I gave them a demonstration of certain things the car was capable of doing, though for Twilight to hear her voice coming from the speakers was a little disconcerting. Spike thought it was kind of cute. When I mentioned the car could teleport, Twilight expressed great surprise, so I illustrated the process by having the car teleport us to Canterlot Castle.
The car's teleportation took Twilight by surprise as we appeared outside the main entry gate. The vehicle was quickly surrounded by a phalanx of royal guards, their weapons drawn and ready for any attack. Twilight, Spike, and I exited the vehicle and soothed the ruffled feathers rather quickly, explaining what it was and where we'd come from. Some of the guardsponies were suitably impressed, a few requesting a closer inspection of the vehicle's interior.
"Since we're here, Twilight, I'd like to check on my wife and see how she's doing," I stated optimistically.
"I'll have a few words with Princess Celestia, Michael," the librarian offered before trotting over to the guards and asking permission for an audience with her mentor, which they gladly gave. They also suggested Spike and I accompany her for that audience, whereupon I requested they guard the vehicle and prevent anypony from trying to move it. They grudgingly agreed, though they informed me that such menial tasks were not in their job description. I locked the vehicle with the keyfob inside, hoping that this would be sufficient, then trotted to the left of Twilight with Spike walking on her right as we made our way to the throne room.
"There's something I wanted to tell you, Twilight," I said brightly. I was nearly beaming just trotting next to her as we made our way through the castle.
"Hmm? What would you like to say?" she asked, somewhat puzzled.
"I just wanted to tell you how happy it makes me to be trotting next to you," I offered cheerfully. "In fact, it's all I can do to keep from bouncing like Pinkie Pie when I'm next to you!"
"Um, Michael, shouldn't you be telling these things to your wife?" she asked, her voice sounding somewhat troubled.
"You have no idea of what the past 20 years have been like for me, Twilight. The way I feel when I'm near you -- I haven't felt that way in a very long time," I replied, the cheerfulness fading from my voice. I glanced at her, though she still appeared to have a light blush on her cheeks.
"Then why are you still married to her? If you wish to leave her, why don't you?"
"It's not that simple, Twilight. We had certain obligations which kept us together, even though our love for each other died a long time ago," I replied flatly.
"But you claim you still love her!" she exclaimed in disbelief.
"There are differing levels of love, Twilight -- my love for her is a familial one, not a romantic one. I would daresay that my love for you falls under the latter category, even though you barely know me -- truth be told, in a way I kind of feel like I know you quite well, though that puts you at a distinct disadvantage," I responded.
"How can you say that? How do you know me?"
"Did you see the camera I came through? I suppose you might know your adventures and exploits have been chronicled on a children's television show, though that might be going a little far -- you're the main character in that show --"
"What do you mean by that? Please explain how this is possible!" she demanded stridently, now standing still and staring straight at me.
"Back in my home world -- the portal I was pulled through -- a television set -- there's a program called 'My Little Pony : Friendship is Magic' --"
"Television? Program?" she asked, giving me a very puzzled look.
"It's hard for me to explain it in terms you might understand, Twilight. Let's just keep on going, I believe I might be able to give you a better idea sometime later on," I sighed. "How much further to the Throne Room?"
"We're fairly close," the mare offered. Spike had been giggling during our exchange, but regained his composure as we trotted to the grand double doors leading to the throne room. She talked to one of the guards, who then announced our arrival to the Solar Princess, who beckoned us to face her.
"Twilight, my faithful student! A pleasant surprise indeed! Michael, Spike, thank you for coming. What is the nature of your visit?"
"I have come to check on my wife, your Majesty," I stated reverently, bowing before the Alicorn.
"Michael showed us his car's ability to teleport, so he brought us here," Spike noted.
"Michael, I will have a guard escort you to the room your wife is currently staying in. Please keep in mind that your visit will have to be fairly short, as there is still much for her to do and learn before she can return to you," Celestia noted.
"Yes, your Majesty. Thank you." I was then assigned a royal guard escort, who led me down the hallway to a guest room. I saw Brenda laying on the bed and trotted over to her.
"Hey, Brenda, how are you being treated so far?" I asked. She turned over to gaze at me.
"I've only just spent the night here, Mike -- I'm supposed to be having breakfast pretty soon, I guess. Have you come to take me back home?"
"I'm afraid I can't do that, at least not yet anyway. The Princess says you have to stay here for awhile longer," I replied flatly. I glanced around the room, noting the decorations. "They've put you up in a pretty nice setup here."
"Yeah, this bed is really comfortable -- best sleep I've had in years!" she chuckled. "I just hope we can get this over and done with quickly -- I wanna go home!"
"You mean, back to Earth? Or back to Ponyville? Or where?" I asked, a puzzled expression on my face.
"Earth, of course, you idiot! What do you think I meant?" she asked harshly.
"I'll check with the Princess on that -- you remember, she said we can't go back until she determines a safe universe to send us to -- which will most likely not be the one we left behind. I'm sorry to say this, Brenda, but I don't think we can ever go back home." I sighed in resignation, noting that the prospect of not being able to return home left me feeling a bit depressed as well. "But if it's any consolation, I think we can make lots of new friends in Ponyville -- or perhaps we can go to another city in Equestria if Ponyville's not to your liking."
"What? What do you mean we can't go back home? My babies! I miss my babies! I wanna go back home! Mike! Please!" she said tearfully. I climbed onto the bed with her and held her in my forelegs, trying to comfort her. "Mike! I wanna go home!" she said, her sadness causing her to start crying. "I didn't know when we came here we wouldn't be able to go back!"
"I didn't either, Brenda, but I was willing to accept such a possibility. I'm sorry you could not -- look, I'll see if I can persuade the Princess to find a way to send us back," I said, still holding her close to me. She buried her head in my neck, her tears wetting my coat. I held her close to me for a good long while until the Princess showed up.
"Michael, what's wrong?" asked the Alicorn, an expression of concern on her features.
"Brenda wants to go home, your Majesty," I replied matter-of-factly. "She had no idea this was a one-way trip. If you could, we would greatly appreciate it if you could find a way back for us."
"As I stated before, Michael, I will look into that possibility, though again, I make no guarantees. I am sorry if this news disappoints you, but you made your choice and must face the consequences of it, harsh as that may sound. Consider it an opportunity to make a new life for yourselves and establish new friendships," she stated optimistically, smiling serenely.
"I WANNA GO HOME!!" Brenda wailed, fresh tears trickling from her eyes.
I Waited in the Rain for Hours
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