Cocktails, Casinos, and Chaos

        Twilight Sparkle woke up knowing one thing for certain: The lights in her room were too, damn, bright.

She expected that being slammed into a slot machine would have knocked her out for half an hour or the entire day. Sadly, it was right between those two extremes, and she was hating how the afternoon sun chased her eyes from her open windows in her hotel room.

"Celestia damned sun!" she cursed, her vulgarity filter having taken a day off the moment she had a very small concussion from her head meeting steel. Having an I.Q of a hundred and fifty didn't in fact curb her mental usage for foal-inappropriate language. Education level had nothing to do with how much a good swear could add what a paragraph could not.

She sat herself upright from the duchess sized bed, attempting to flick her magic on to shut the binds. It only made her headache grow worse, causing her to unleash four letter curses loudly that were more akin to what a pony would hear if Rainbow Dash was called a lesbian.

Rarity awoke quickly from the language her best friend spewed casually, anger flaring in her sapphire eyes as she set her gaze on Twilight. "Twilight! How-"

Rarity joined the yelping that Twilight made from the burning sun that sought to rein hellfire with their pounding heads. "Shut the bloody blasted window!" Rarity spat.

"You do it!" Twilight said, shoving Rarity onto her side. "My head freaking hurts!"

"Oh and mine doesn't feel like I've been sodimized by narcotics?" Rarity said, shoving Twilight in return.

"Just shut up and do it!" Twilight shot back, glaring into Rarity's eyes. "As your leader-"

"Bite my white arse, Twilight. If I wanted you to order me about, whip, and shag me I'd be drunk on gin and-"

Twilight tackled Rarity off of the bed and onto the ground, Twilight's flat tail lashing behind herself as she straddled her friend's stomach. "As a recent sufferer of a minor concussion, I would like to inform you that my emotional control has been slightly compromised. And so I order you to shut that bucking window before I do think about creative ways to have my way with you."

Rarity rolled Twilight onto her back, causing her to whinny as Rarity locked Twilight's hind legs between her groin. "Do you think you can just... use me in such a manner? I'm pretty high too you know." Rarity snorted. "And as adorable as you are, you wouldn't know a thing about being a proper top in bed, now would you?"

"I've read plenty of books on sexual flirtation and positions," Twilight huffed, folding her forehooves across her chest.

"I see that reading about sex is the same as having sex now," Rarity cackled.

She purred darkly into Twilight's ear. "Oh the rush I feel having a virgin little flower underneath me and being doped up on drugs is ecstatic! I should get drugged up more often!"

Twilight blinked rapidly, prodding her friend's chest. "I want you to repeat the sentence you just said in your head several times over, and realize that this is most likely only going to be the beginning of tonight."

Rarity shuffled in place, her curled tail flicking behind herself. Her eyes and expression relaxed as she let out a quiet gasp, covering the end of her muzzle.

"Oh... dear," Rarity said. "While I do not regret cursing at you, saying that I want to be drugged up and used as a sex slave was a thought I should have kept only to my fantasies."

Twilight tilted her muzzle. "Uhh... you just admitted that you wanted it to happen again."

"I did not ask for your input on my stress relieving fantasies!" Rarity neighed, shoving her forehooves into Twilight's chest. "What do you know about sex anyways?"

"I won't tell you what I can do with tentacles and your body if you don't shut that stupid window!" Twilight said.

She rolled her eyes dismissively. "And me? A virgin? Magic has done a lot to fix that."

"Well I guess that bloody window is staying open then, isn't it?" Rarity snarled. "You just admitted that you can use sexual magic, so your threat is baseless! What's the point of closing it now?"

"Fine!" Twilight tapped her forehooves on her chest. "I just won't go into graphic detail about how much they tickle you if you leave that window open. Horrible existence, isn't it, Rarity?"

"Hay and damnation it is!" Rarity pouted. "And since you won't close it, I won't tell you about how much fun it would be to see you plastered, stumbling about and held up by thick cloth, just waiting to be tickled and squeezed by me."

"Don't tell me then." Twilight rumbled.

"I won't." Rarity snorted.

Although the two Elements' argument could have ended there naturally, it didn't. They looked away from each other and at the walls and ceiling for a few moments, ignoring the compromising and scandalous position that they had put themselves in.

They were about to continue into another tyraid about how the window was still open when their snouts impacted together. Muzzle to muzzle and lips to lips they pressed forcefully together as they stared at each other wide eyed. Soon enough, their eyes shut as their saliva flickering tongues met and dueled between their lips, sending out incoherent groans into the air.

"Now isn't that much better?" Fluttershy said, shutting the windows and binds as she looked down at her two friends, hovering over them like a guardian angel.

The kiss between Twilight and Rarity stopped, the two unicorns opening their eyes slowly as they looked at the serenity that filled Fluttershy's smile.

Their lips broke apart at a snails pace, a thick bridge of saliva connecting Twilight's lips to Rarity's.

"I'm so happy that you two finally showed how much you care for each other," Fluttershy said, clopping her forehooves together. "I-"

"You pushed our snouts together!" Twilight said, splattering Fluttershy's muzzle with spittle.

"I was only helping," Fluttershy said, wiping away saliva from her eyes.

"By forcing us to kiss?" Rarity said, sending the other spit bridge across Fluttershy's snout.

Fluttershy huffed, wiping off her face once more. "Look, I think you are over-"

"Rarity tongue raping me isn't overeacting," Twilight coughed.

"Tongue raping you?" Rarity said. "My tongue has been properly trained in the art of dueling with another ponies' tongue. You were the one flailing about like an infant."

Twilight grabbed Rarity's chest coat, shaking her violently. "Because you were pushing into it in places I didn't even know existed! That's the definition of tongue rape. I couldn't breathe, and you were choking me."

"Mare, I was trying to have a waltz with you but you stumbled about like you do when dancing," Rarity said. Her forehooves grabbed Twilight's coat in return, the two mares growling at each other.

"Stop, fighting!" Fluttershy pushed herself between Twilight and Rarity, shoving her two friends away from each other.

"You started it." Rarity and Twilight shouted at Fluttershy.

Fluttershy grabbed Twilight and Rarity in her forehooves. "Can't you girls see I'm trying to get my two best friends together since I can't be with either of you?"

Rarity's expression softened, her ears folding by the sides of her muzzle. "That... would explain the mud massages."

"And how you like to nuzzle into me when I read a book out loud," Twilight said, stroking her own mane nervously.

"And the dark chocolates," Rarity chuckled.

"And Pinkie's cinnamon rolls," Twilight smiled.

Fluttershy wrapped a wing around Rarity and Twilight, nuzzling into their cheeks. "I knew that my lifestyle and animals would hurt you two trying to concentrate on your work, and I accepted that what compromises you would have to make for me would be selfish of me. So I told myself that to make me happy, I'd try to get you two together, since it would be the two mares who I love the most sharing their lives together."

Rarity and Twilight looked at each other in silence, blinking rapidly as they listened to the delightful sigh that danced out of Fluttershy's muzzle.

Rarity might have been slightly stoned and drunk, and Twilight might have had a bit of brain damage, but they mutually agreed on one thing that didn't involve getting more drunk to solve their problems.

"That's... kinda creepy, Fluttershy," Twilight said.

Fluttershy's expression changed quickly, her mako colored eyes slowly looking into Twilight's. "C-c-creepy?"

"Not the whole, 'I have a crush on my friends but I'm too shy to say it but I'll act on it'," Rarity said, petting Fluttershy supportively on the back. "Completely and totally understandable."

Twilight joined Rarity, stroking Fluttershy's shoulder. "And not really the, 'I'll have my two crushes date so I can be happy if they are happy'."

"Was it the part that Discord and I spiked your herb water?" Fluttershy whimpered.

"I was going to say when you knocked us out to get us together to have emotionally bonding sex because our emotional controls are compromised, but drugging us up without our consent... we'll just add that to the list too."

Fluttershy landed on the ground, her wings limp by her side as tears welled up in her eyes. "I... I shouldn't have acted so uncontrollably. I wanted to try something not so... me, and I guess I went too far?"

Rarity wrapped her forehooves firmly around Fluttershy's frame, giving her a tight hug. "How can we be angry at you, Fluttershy? Even when you do things that would end friendships you mean them in the best of ways! Besides, you have around two years of those points saved up, so you are forgiven."

Twilight hugged Fluttershy, joining Rarity in the shared affection. "That's the beauty of friendship: You forgive your friends even when they do horribly unethical things. We would have disowned Rainbow three years ago if she hadn't saved our lives twice."

"And we would be beating her to a pulp if she had orchestrated this," Rarity said.

Fluttershy nickered contently, her tail swishing behind herself in glee. "It's a good thing it was me who told her to make you mad, Rarity. I've set a horrible example, and I'm glad that I received all the punishment. I deserve it."

"You... really went all out with the planning didn't you, Fluttershy?" Twilight asked.

"Mmhm! I asked Discord to help bring you two together, and we planned on going to San Andalus, but Pinkie Pie suggested we write to Celestia about how stressed we all are and she suggested Las Pegasus instead."

"And... Applejack?" Rarity said.

Fluttershy giggled. "She wasn't involved at all. She would have told us to stop."

"Good advice," Rarity growled.

"And we would have got away with it too, if it wasn't for a pesky butter colored pegasus!"

Fluttershy, Rarity, and Twilight turned toward the bed to look at the unicorn form of Discord and Pinkie Pie pouting at them. Both Pinkie Pie and Discord had folded their forehooves across their chests, scowls planted resolutely on their muzzles.

Twilight opened her muzzle. "How-"

"He can teleport," Rarity said.

"You betrayed us, Fluttershy," Pinkie said. "We had this worked out, and you spilled the beans. I don't think I've ever said this in the history of ever, but this is your fault, Fluttershy!"

"How could you throw away all of the effort that I put into this?" Discord weeped into Pinkie's coat, nuzzling into the stroking of his mane. "If you had just let them fight it out..."

"Yeah! Let's fighting love, Fluttershy." Pinkie Pie spat on the bed in disgust. "Let's fighting love!"

Twilight blinked. "Umm... Pinkie. That's not even a coherent sentence."

"But it's so true!" Fluttershy cried into Twilight's coat. "This is all my damn fault. I shouldn't have done it, and I shouldn't have made you two kiss, and I shouldn't have said I did any of it. I'm-"

"I was just kidding," Pinkie said. "We all-"

Fluttershy gasped. "Oh, shit. I swore again. Oh, buck, again!"

The other four ponies in the room winced in agony as Fluttershy let out a high pitched scream of anger.

"Alcohol," she panted. Sweat dripped down her coat as she frantically looked around the bedroom, ignoring the concerned gazes of her peers. "Nervous breakdown. Drinking to forget Angel level breakdown. Need-wine cooler!"

"Fluttershy." Twilight held onto Fluttershy, only to be shoved away by her as Fluttershy galloped toward the wine fridge. "Alcohol-"

"-will solve every problem that we are having for everypony other than ourselves," Rarity said, holding Twilight down. She giggled gaily. "Besides, she's extremely fun to be around pissed out of her withers."

"The excellent morality of Rarity Gemma, mares and gentlecolts," Twilight sighed.

With a precision and grace that could only be considered frightful, Fluttershy slammed down four shots of Haysinki vodka like Marescow nobility after a profit margins call.

As soon as she was finished showing off her more than respectable drinking prowlness, she shook her muzzle to let out a feral, wild nicker that was exactly what a pony would let out after burning their throat consuming vodka.

Her wings spread behind her back to dig through her mane, flattening out the curls and pulling her pink hair loose into a long, flowing waterfall.

With the curls gone, she shook her snout once more, picking up the bottle of vodka like a pirate celebrating a successful plunder, and took a firm chug, slamming it down with a happy grunt.

What looked into her glowing eyes were three ponies and one demigod who were left in awe at Fluttershy's special talent that was thankfully not her cutie mark.

"Yay!" Fluttershy laughed. "I'm going to forget everything soon!"

"You know, normally I'm totally cool with this," Pinkie Pie said, "but considering I'm high on LSD and that means I'm completely within the slightly normal normalness of a twenty year old party loving mare, Fluttershy, you need to simma down now."

Fluttershy folded her ears. "Was... I too wild?"

"Don't swear!" Twilight shouted, pressing her nose into Fluttershy's. "You were just fine, Fluttershy. Pinkie Pie is just jealous she can't keep up with you."

Pinkie Pie slowly stood up, walking off of the bed toward Twilight. "Did... did you just say you think you can out drink me?"

"I didn't say that!" Fluttershy cried, cowering behind Twilight.

"I think I can," Twilight grinned, her violet eyes staring into Pinkie's own. "And in fact, I think I know exactly how we can solve this and get revenge on you all for setting us up. Let's settle this. Like true adults and best friends."

Rarity sighed dramatically. "The-"

"Bitch, we weren't talking to you!" Pinkie shot at Rarity, stabbing a forehoof at her. "This is Twilight insulting my ability to drink. And now that I'm high from drugs and from somewhere between six and eleven male gendered objects from my potty patrol, you don't challenge me to drinking. Or... ever-but I'm not nice about it now!"

Rarity galloped toward Pinkie Pie, her horn and snout lowered in an attempt to impale Pinkie. With a wince from her neck Twilight's magic flared to life, causing Rarity to slam into a thin sheet of red magic. She slid down the construct with a wet plop.

Discord was currently in the bathroom, squealing with childish delight despite having lost control of his bladder.

Twilight stared down Pinkie Pie, a dark grin spreading across her muzzle as she grabbed Fluttershy from behind herself. "We all have been injured, and while you two have a running start with handicaps, you are an earth pony, Pinkie. I think though that from a practical standpoint this is an even match."

Pinkie Pie growled like a dog. "I don't understand city folk. All I understand is plot whoppin' an' lager knocking."

Twilight groaned softly. "You, Fluttershy, team one. Me, Rarity, team two. First team to pass out loses. If we win, you and Fluttershy sleep together. If you win, Rarity and I will."

"I didn't ask for any of this!" Rarity sobbed, weeping onto the floor. "First I learn that Rainbow farted on me last month, and then Fluttershy spiked my drink, and then Twilight wants to molest me with tentacles, and now I'm being dragged into a drinking contest without my consent!? What did I do to deserve this lot in my life!?"

"And don't forget that Pinkie Pie told us about her getting used in a casino bathroom," Fluttershy giggled, licking Rarity's cheek. "I wish I would have the courage to do that. I just walked around and looked at all the artwork as Dash and Applejack went to the buffet and got drunk."

Pinkie Pie gasped in disbelief, squishing her snout into her own neck. "You mean I had to use complete strangers instead of Twilight's magical monsters!? Now I really do have to beat you."

She prodded Twilight rapidly on the muzzle. "You're supposed to be my friend, Twilight Sparkle. And you let strange-oh yeah you were knocked out!"

Pinkie Pie broke out into violent hysterics, falling over onto her side as painful laughs coughed out of her lungs.  "You... you were just... pimp smacked by Fluttershy. And... and it looked like Rarity and you were passed out from coke!"

Rarity twitched violently, her blue eyes flickering and winkling as she clenched her head in pain. "Purge thought. Purge thought. Can't purge. Can't purge-Okay I'm up for a drinking contest!"

She pressed her muzzle into Pinkie's, blowing out a plume of air from her snout. "It, is, on! I will destroy you, you fat furball."

"Yay for free alcohol!" Fluttershy squealed.

"Except... for the bottle she just opened and drank a quarter of," Rarity chuckled dryly.

"Are you trying to make her swear again, Rarity?" Twilight said.

Discord left the bathroom, tears sniffing down his cheeks for more reasons than one. Releiving a bladder that he didn't often have was only a minor pleasure.

"This... this is the greatest moment of my life," he choked, snorting back tears. "I have played you all for foals, and... and the reward. I just... there are no words. No, words, my little ponies."

He laid himself down on the ground, kowtowing in front of Twilight. "I accept insanity and the possibility of causing the destruction of this world for seeing only the tip of what repressed hormones you all have held back."

Twilight glanced between her three friends and Discord.

The smile that covered her snout made the most sadistic side of Pinkie Pie's personality die that night.

"Discord has to drink two shots for every one each team drinks, and if he passes out first, we can take turns using him tonight."

The lip quivering horror that covered Discord's snout made the most sadistic side of his own personality die that night.

"A-a-and if I win?" Discord whimpered.

"Then you are completely drunk, alone for tonight, and have to be reminded what having a mortal body is like of course!" Twilight smiled.

Rarity clicked her tongue between her teeth. "I did say eight shots until Discord looks appealing. And I am not a fan of getting on your evil side, Twilight."

"And a sex slave does sound nice," Pinkie said, stroking the end of her chin.

Fluttershy flapped her wings in excitement. "Then let's go downstairs and-"

Rainbow's voice echoed from the hallway. "-drink, AJ. Listen, I get that you're looking for a colt after Pecan Pie, and Pinkie isn't a great date planner, but sheesh, you didn't have to have thirteen drinks in two hours."

"Ya don't know what it's like, ya butch slut, and it was only seven," Applejack sobbed. "L-lucky seven! I can't go whorin' around like ya do! I gots an honor to leave behind."

"No... I had seven, and twice as much food as you. You were too busy drinking to eat. And come on; you know I'm not that loose. That's Pinkie's job."

Pinkie growled, her tail twitching in agitation. "Last time I'm giving her a clopjob."

"I remember you being better on drugs but it could just be the parties blurred a lot of things out," Rarity whimpered. "Now you just have no filter at all."

Applejack snorted air through her nose drunkenly. "I need a stallion to fill me till I'm a... a... pecan pie!"

She hiccuped, belching out a hurricane of air a second later. "Yeah. Heh. Ya see, ya got it easy, cause... cause you eat pony pie, and I don't. So ya got options."

Rainbow groaned. "Because my nimbus goes where there's hot tail, and your barn door swings one way, and there's nothing wrong with that?"

"Well fart me a lullaby through a flugelhorn, Rainbow, cause that door is slappin' my marehood like your tail does to a moist... mare... hood."

Twilight laughed. "I didn't know listening to these two was so fun."

"Nice joke fail, Applejack," Rainbow laughed. "Now let's check on Twi' and Rares to make-woah-oww!"

Applejack and Rainbow Dash slammed into the door, Applejack's frame sliding down the closed door.

"You're on my hind leg!" Rainbow said. "Now get off of me. And... why are you looking at me like I'm peanut butter cheesecake?"

"Hey, Dasha, I gots... I gots me a better joke," Applejack hiccuped. "Do... do ya wanna hear it?"

"C-c-can you get off of me, stop staring at me, and stop stroking my cutie mark?" Rainbow gulped.

"A-a-apples are red, and so are yer eyes-"

"-actually they are magenta, which is a reddish p-mmmmmphh!"

"Now shove your tongue between my-ahhhh you're as good as ya say you-ohhh neally I like mares now!"

Pinkie Pie pulled firmly onto Discord's chest coat, staring down his unicorn form. "Discord, Solaris bar, warp one, engage!"

Four ponies disappeared to leave Applejack in her drunken heaven, with a mare between her legs, in a hotel walkway.

It was an average night in Las Pegasus.