Cocktails, Casinos, and Chaos

Twilight Sparkle woke up.

It was pretty much the only thing that she was positive of at the current moment, and the evidence for being awake was sketchy at best.

That evidence grew more concrete when she felt the budding urge to puke rising up in her mouth. That usually wasn't a feeling that one had when they were dreaming. And as the moments passed, that urge grew.

Instinct had taught her not to open her eyes quickly in Las Pegasus, and so with one gentle peek, her left eye opened.

Darkness. As much darkness as curtain covered windows would hide in a city that never slept, but darkness nevertheless.

A headache that made her want to sob and listen to a Linkin Park album to sum up her woes? Check.

An urge to vomit worse than her ears screaming for a different kind of music other than Linkin Park? Check.

The smell of sex and alcohol in the room that needed to have its air purifier turned on? Check.

Having only the tiniest bit of memory at what happened during the prior day? Check.

At least Rarity laid over her, drooling profusely into Twilight's chest coat and acting as perhaps the best blanket that Twilight had ever felt.

Her left forehoof happened to have been resting on Rarity's right flank cheek, and for reasons unknown, she gave that white plot a squeeze.

She could tell by the moisture levels hitting her hoof tip why the room did in fact smell of sex.

"Oh my gosh I just-"

What coherent sentence Twilight was about to shout out had been replaced by her screaming out sentences that would have been more apt for afternoon paternity test television shows.

Her eyes shooting open, her brain churning to life, her body twitching awake, and her voice coming alive all sent forth a united shock and awe bombardment of pain throughout her snout that had reached a nuclear reaction level threshold.

It was unsurprising that it awoke Rarity, who too joined Twilight in putting two mares fighting over the bloodline of their second and forth foal in front of a live studio audience to shame. They grabbed, yelled, rolled over, punched, shook, and bit each other; they were also completely unaware of the horncuff that gave them only two feet of movement space between them.

It didn't stop them from throwing about language that would have got them banned from their own homes, nor from turning the sweat and musk covered mattress into an improvised boxing ring.

The fight lasted for about a minute, until Rarity and Twilight realized that they had an object tying them together, and the stainless steel horncuff wasn't going to be coming off with how the two unicorns were in no state to cast magic for about the next decade.

They were in fact, about to cast out enough vomit for the next decade.

Silently agreeing to draw a truce, both of the mares stood up together, galloped toward the bathroom with a unity that would have been envious at a tag team race, and mutually voided their stomachs.

For about ten minutes.

Applejack woke up, and felt pretty damn decent.

Sure, she was sexually tired, hungover, had learned that she liked being molested and molesting mares, and she had seen herself and her friends at their moral worst, but it was at these times of weakness that friendship stood its strongest.

As she stood in front of the vending machine outside if her room getting more cans of Yeehaw! chocolate drink than she should have, she pondered as much as she could at what she had just pondered, pondering her ponderings.

If testing the future limits of friendship meant getting extremely drunk and having the remote possibility of six twenty year old mares getting into a repressed love orgy, she could get used to the idea. Her extended family lived by that motto to begin with, and she had faced enough demigods and life threatening scenarios for her own good.

Besides, there was nothing like an orgy to relax after a good long work season.

She just had to block out her cousin Braeburn as much as possible.

At least Rainbow Dash did an excellent job at blocking those memories out during the afternoon.

And night.

She balanced the four cans of fake chocolate effortlessly on her hat, despite the moderately severe hangover that she had. She had earth pony kidneys and liver, her heavier weight, and her experience going for her. With food, water, and a good night sleep the hangover would be nothing more than a faint headache by tomorrow morning.

The darker side of Applejack's personality came to life, causing her to cackle in delight as she bumped one of the cans into a forehoof, snapping open the tab at the thought of her friends suffering crippling headaches. Her own headache was slowly ebbing away as her body churned to life, the natural earth pony magic that supercharged her kinds' organs refueling her blood and body with the vitamins it needed.

She pulled back the can, drinking all of its sugary and processed chocolate flavored water in one long chug, belching loudly into the hallway in delight. "Damn it feels good ta be alive!"

Disregarding the usual inability for her extended family to do anything outside of country dancing, Applejack did a moderately decent moon-trotting shuffle back to her room.

The hangover, sex, sugar, and fatigue highs all chaining together gave the normally morally clean farmer a buzz that soothed her weary soul.

It was ten P.M, and she was hungover, dancing, and had learned that she was sexually attracted to her own gender.

It was an average night in Las Pegasus.

Applejack had begun to walk back to the room that Rainbow Dash and Applejack had taken for their own, until Rarity and Twilight came bursting out of their own room, immediately hollering at Applejack for her attention.

From right next door.

The shock made Applejack whinny in surprise as her hat fell off of her head, sending the three cans onto the floor. One of the carbonated drinks decided to give Rarity a wake up call from Tartarus, bursting open the moment it landed on the floor.

What shot out of it could have only be considered a water hose powered stream of ice-cold processed liquid blasting into Rarity's left eye.

Rarity screamed in agony as she fell over onto her side, the horncuff pulling Twilight on top of her, amplifying her wailings.

"My bloody eye!" Rarity said.

"I didn't mean it," Applejack said. "You scared-"

Applejack's eyebrow perked up at the horncuff that linked her two friends together, doing her best to ignore the ear screeching screams that Rarity was legendary at making. It wasn't easy. Farm animals had trained Applejack moderately well.

Normally there was a good chance Applejack would have responded to the situation in a calm, friendly, and helpful manner that she was well known by. Even seeing her two friends chained in such a manner would have only resulted in her smiling, fixing the problem, and then laughing at the absurdity of it afterwards.

She wasn't normal tonight.

Applejack fell over onto her side, snorting and squealing out laughter, her hind legs kicking the floor in glee. "Ya... ya got a horncuff on yer heads."

"No shit," Rarity neighed, wiping her water filled eye clean. "Tell me something I don't know. Like what happened after Discord teleported us."

"Hay if I know!" Applejack said. "I was busy-"

"-shagging Rainbow." Rarity clopped her forehooves together. "Congratulations on releasing your repressed lesbian urges, Applejack, because frankly I don't give a damn at the moment."

Twilight's violet eyes glared sharply into Rarity's own.

"Rarity! Language! Applejack doesn't know anything. And if I may ask for a request, can you please stop yelling in my ear? I'm trying to get the naproxen to work."

Rarity nickered angrily. "You're right, Twilight. Because she was too busy screwing Rainbow to learn anything other than sex positions. So would you kindly remove these from our horns, Applejack, considering I doubt we have the key?"

"Got yerself a hayuva potty mouth goin' on there, Rarity," Applejack giggled. "I think ya need a Yeehaw! ta clean it. Why should I help ya after ya insult me?"

"Piss off," Rarity hissed.

Twilight pat Rarity on the muzzle "We both are... relatively severely hungover, purged our stomachs of contents I didn't even know we had." She chuckled nervously. "And if you can't notice by the smell, we might have had a lot of... uhh... 'friendship' last night."

"Today," Applejack smiled. "It's only ten at night. And I think most of us did. But I gotta ask: Why in the hay do ya have that on yer horns?"

"If I knew, I'd tell you," Twilight grumbled. "Thankfully it's not a magical one, otherwise..."

Applejack couldn't help but feel her grin grow wider across her muzzle. "So how can I help? Without a key, that steel is locked on yer horns."

"If you could at least break the chain, we can wait till we find Discord, or until we become more coherent in the next few days to break it off."

"Fabulous," Rarity tittered. "My beautiful horn has to have a steel ring on its base. Now if it were silver and pretty I'd be happy for a change, but no, it just had to be steel. Oh and we'll forget about the dangling chains that still hang from it when you break it. Those are absolutely in fashion right now."

Applejack tilted her muzzle. "Is she always this pissy after sex?"

"I hope not," Twilight sighed, grabbing one of the non-spoiled cans of Yeehaw!. "Otherwise, I feel sorry for her past dates."

"Well this is the last time I make anything for free or discounted for anypony other than Fluttershy ever again," Rarity grunted.

Twilight tapped her forehoof loudly on her Yeehaw! can. "You know... I'm very tempted to open this can on you if you don't cheer up, Rarity."

Rarity's arctic eyes burned into Twilight's. "Do it and I will kidney kick you until you internally bleed to death."

"Will you shut up already?" Twilight growled. "I'm doing my best not to be like you. You're like a Chihuahua."

Applejack rolled her eyes. "The only way I can do this without breakin' a jaw or the wall is with ya both layin' down 'n hangin' over a table."

Twilight nodded. "The impact of your kick would go up and you'd have the best-"

She winced at the sudden flash of pain pounding through her skull at thinking about physics. "It works," she said. "Just... let's do this so I can take a shower."

"Ya two don't wanna shower together?" Applejack winked.

Twilight and Rarity blinked slowly up at Applejack.

Applejack laughed heartily, pulling up Twilight and Rarity onto their legs. "What the hay happened to us?"

"Oh you know: Repressing the stress that saving the world and Ponyville several times over and unleashing it on one poorly planned trip," Twilight said.

"I forgot Fluttershy planned this!" Rarity laughed. "And there goes her discount too."

"Please, Applejack," Twilight said, her ears folding by the sides of her muzzle, "you're my only hope."

"Unintentional quo-wooah bad idea!"

Pinkie Pie slid from Applejack's room as if she were a cart drifting around a corner. At least, she attempted too.

Her body - for better or worse - had to follow the rules of biology when it came to alcohol, and her ability to alter the laws of physics were currently on hold from her hangover.

Pinkie Pie slammed into the lobby wall, her frame spinning around from the impact as she landed on the floor with a painful groan echoing out of her muzzle.

"Oww," she sniffled, "my tailbone."

"Pinkie! Are you okay?" Twilight said, yanking on the horncuff to pull Rarity up. "Do we need to take you to a hospital?"

Pinkie Pie sniffled once again, laying down on her side. "No. Just... going into shock. Pain. Hurts. Nothing's broken! Oww. Gimme three minutes. I'm walking everywhere now."

"We're supposed ta be morally pure," Applejack said, stroking through her own mane. "We're-"

Twilight broke out into a loud, crackling laugh, her three friends turning their gazes toward her as the walls around her vibrated. "Harmony and pure aren't the same thing! When did being the good guys mean we had to be perfect? As if you and Rainbow beating up that colt last fall was, 'morally pure', Applejack?"

"That bastard called Rarity the C word!" Applejack spat. "Now all of us gots ourselves a case of the bitches from time ta time, but that's a word ya never say ever, more so in front of me and Dasha."

"You broke his hind leg, fractured his forehoof,  two ribs, bruised him profusely and gave him a concussion before we had to pull you two off of him!"

Rarity smiled. "I thought it was rather chivalrous of them, personally."

"Pardon my Equish, Twilight," Pinkie said, pulling herself up, "but... he was... kinda a dick. To everypony. Like, everypony. He was flirting with every mare, and he got really drunk. At least we just flirt with ponies until they tell us to stop. He's like that gothic guy who comes to the wedding and everypony wonders what they are doing there."

Twilight groaned. "Okay, I'm starting to hate you all right now. I can see why Rarity's herself turned up to twenty right now."

Applejack nosed Rarity and Twilight's rumps. "Come on ta my room, I bet it smells nicer since I used air spray. And... I showered."

"Speaking of that," Rarity said, turning her muzzle toward Pinkie Pie, "how in the world did-"

"Do you really want to know?" Pinkie said, pulling herself up onto her legs. She limped toward Rarity, shaking her muzzle. "Even I don't know how I got under their bed. I just remember us all passing out after the drinking contest."

"So we did at least do that," Rarity said, nosing her way inside of Applejack's room. "Who won?"

Pinkie Pie shrugged. "We stopped counting. Eventually we just wanted to not think about Applejack and Dashie slamming vagagies."

Applejack laughed, stomping a forehoof onto the floor. "And-"

"Don't finish that damn sentence," Twilight snapped.

"Ya two need to have soap in yer mouths," Applejack snorted. "It's supposed ta be me and Dasha with the toilet mouths."

Twilight closed her eyes. "I'm twenty, I'm hungover, I'm tired, I'm chained to Rarity, it's just us, and I've repressed it for too long. I grew up around the Royal Guards, remember? 'Royal' language is something they don't have."

Rarity pecked Twilight on the lips. "Now you see how I feel! My father was a college football coach, and things pass on despite my attempts for them not too."

Applejack blinked as she cleared off the work desk in her room. "Bondin' at the weirdest of moments."

Pinkie Pie looked around the completely average Las Pegasus hotel room. A duchess sized bed, a sitting table, a nice television, and other completely hotel like things were unsurprisingly in the room. "Where's Rainbow?"

Applejack pulled the table toward the center of the room, tilting her head toward the bed. "Most likely tryin' to sleep. I kinda tamed the lightnin' last night, and I'm not even sure she can walk, ta be honest."

Rainbow Dash pulled her head up from her pillow, her bloodshot eyes out of focus as she stared at the wall behind her friends. "No, I can't. And seriously, I'm so glad that air freshener is covering up my beer farts."

"Classy as always, Rainbow Dash," Rarity said, slapping her tail against the wall. "I see that this is the reason why we usually sleep in so late after our parties or just go back to our own homes."

"If... if you had to go through what Applejack put me through, then you'd want to fart in bed too," Rainbow groaned, rolling out of her sheets.

"Please, Applejack," Rarity whimpered. Her eyes quivered rapidly. "You're my only hope from Rainbow Dash."

Rainbow laid on her side, burying her muzzle into her bed. "Can't you all just leave me alone? I'm not gonna chase after you, or do anything. Can't I sleep until the morning?"

"I feel like I'm the only one here who's got their barrels in a row!" Applejack slammed her snout onto the table loudly. "I should be the leader when the world ain't ending from now on."

Twilight stabbed a forehoof into Applejack's side. "You're second in command, and if Rarity and I have to whip you to remind you of that, we will."

Laying beside Rainbow on the bed, Pinkie Pie gulped down a burp. "I'm pretty normal. I got high, filled, drunk, and then had my tailbone slammed into my back. I'm in too much pain to be me right now."

Rainbow grabbed Pinkie Pie, causing Pinkie to squeak as Rainbow nuzzled into her curly side coat. "Just stay there, Pinks, so I can sleep. We'll pull some pranks two days from now."

"My point stands," Applejack said, slapping the table. "Now get yer butts up on here so ya two can walk, clean up, and we can all go back ta bed."

Rarity and Twilight pulled themselves up onto the wooden table, hanging their snouts over the edge to let the steel chain connecting their horns snap between them.

"Uhh... is this really a good idea?" Pinkie said, stroking idly through Rainbow Dash's mane. "I mean, being hungover, and doing lots of physical stuff isn't exactly the best idea in the history of ideas. I should know, cause me and Rainbow are experts on this. And... are you... purring, Rainbow?"

Applejack barked in delight, lining up her right hind leg with the chain. "I know, right? She's like a kitty cat when ya break her in like a dog. She's lost all the fight 'n her and just wants ta be held and cuddled. It's adorable."

Pinkie Pie scratched a hoof firmly into the base of Rainbow's mane, watching her friend rumble in content. "Mother of Celestia. Rainbow is a kitty!"

Dragging her hooves deeply through Rainbow's thick coat, Pinkie Pie squealed as she listened to Rainbow's throat purring her approval.

"Who's a good pony?" Pinkie giggled, stroking Rainbow's cheeks. "You are!"

"Applejack," Rarity said flatly, "I need you to end my life. Knowing now that Rainbow Dash secretly wants to be treated as a pet is a horror I can not stand to live with. You have always been dependable, even when I insult you and think you are a barbarian, and-"

Applejack's right hind leg shot forth from her crouched position with the well trained precision and strength that it had done a thousand times before. From all of her years of hard labor, her muscular flank cheeks propelled her hoof straight at the thin steel chain.

As expected, the chain could not resist the sheer force of Applejack's hoof on it, cracking and splitting clean in half after only one kick. For the sake of everypony in the room, that was good.

What wasn't good was that the amount of alcohol that Applejack had consumed in addition to her fatigue had not hurt her strength in a crisis. It did however, hurt her accuracy.

The left third of her hoof struck Twilight's cheek, sending the freed unicorn tumbling onto the table with a howl of pain.

"My bucking tooth!" Twilight cried. "You broke my bucking tooth!"

The other Elements of Harmony leapt forward as Twilight coughed loudly, gasping for air as she choked on her molar. She spat it out of her muzzle violently, swallowing down her bloody saliva.

"Nice freakin' job, Appleass," Rainbow said, grabbing Applejack harshly. "You could have friggin broke Twilight's jaw. So did you guys just, like, sedate me so you could do something mega stupid?"

Rarity wrapped her forehooves around Twilight, cradling Twilight in her arms.

"How could you, Applejack!?" Rarity sobbed. "You could have killed her! Why didn't you let Rainbow come up with a better idea?!"

She stroked through Twilight's mane firmly, motherly cooing into her ear. "It's okay, Twilight. Rarity's here to protect you from the evil Applejack."

"Ya ordered me ta do it, damn it," Applejack neighed, stomping a forehoof onto the ground. "And the hay was I supposed ta do?!" she said, shoving Rainbow onto the bed.

Rainbow slapped her tail loudly on the bed, growling up at Applejack. "I don't know, call maintenance? So you guys just walked in here and thought, 'hay, let's buck that chain drunk'. Ever freakin' think of calling the people used to this crap? Even I'd think of that drunk."

Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, and Twilight sat in silence.

Except for Twilight, who had set a weekly record of curse words in less than an hour.

"I guess it's time we play the idiot game!" Pinkie cheered. "And... it's us! Yay! Woo..."

"Yeah," Rainbow huffed, pulling the sheets over her frame. "So as a present of you all being idiots and me not being one, can you all just buck off and let me sleep? That's the one smart thing I'm gonna think of in the next week. So let me-"

"Fluttershy and Discord!"

Rainbow, Rarity, Applejack, and Pinkie turned their muzzles to stare at Twilight, ignoring the trickle of blood dripping down her muzzle.

There were moments of greatness that flowed through the Elements of Harmony, even when the world was falling apart around them. There were moments when in their darkest hour, they pulled through against all odds, standing forth for what was right, pure, and good in the world.

This was not one of those moments.

As one unified collective, Rainbow, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie, and Twilight snarled like wolves seeing their prey.

Twilight's eyes shined like the brightest ultraviolet sign ever constructed. "Discord, is going, to die."