Cocktails, Casinos, and Chaos

The five Elements of Harmony would have brought shame upon Ponyville if their peers had seen them in their current state.

Or they would have been the envy of every Canterlot University student that had ever traveled to Las Pegasus.

Losing a comrade to the chaos that was Las Pegasus and having had sex with an interdimensional being was high on the list of epic stories. The Elements had enough of them for a lifetime, and not all of them were ones they were keen on repeating due to the clear signs of mental breakdown it was causing them.

A good starting solution to that problem would be to violently and publicly kill a demigod who they thought they had reformed to show the world that they were not to be trifled with. It was time to step up their game a notch.

Besides, they had immunity from prosecution when it came to matters of state security. It was time to collect.

Instead of having the common sense idea of taking the elevator to go down five floors as they burst from their rooms, like most drunk ponies they decided to gallop down the stairwell, which only resulted in Rainbow Dash tripping down an entire flight of stairs. She was not able to fly thanks to Applejack using Rainbow’s wings in ways that Rainbow didn’t even think was possible during the day, and she had a lot of spare time with her wings and usually ignored something being impossible.

Five hungover mares smelling of alcohol, sex, sweat, panic, covered in an assortment of sexual injuries - except for Applejack, who actually looked pretty clean and the irony would be lost to hangover memory loss - and not deciding to do anything to groom themselves burst out of the stairwell and onto the gaming floor.

No one paid them any notice. They were nothing new.

Twilight’s violet eyes scanned around the bustling warehouse of slot machines, poker tables, and other gambling devices that made the mathematical side of her brain whimper like a caged dog at being in no state to play any of them for the next few days. Every other side of her brain gang-raped her mathematical side in the most sloppy way possible for even thinking of numbers higher than six.

“Alright,” Twilight said, turning around her body to face her peers. “Let’s sort out the facts, other than I’m disowning all of you after this for even getting me into alcohol. I hate all of you equally, and unlike Rarity, I have the ability to express my hatred without throwing a childish tantrum.”

“I do not throw temper tantrums!” Rarity stomped, blowing out steam from the end of her muzzle. “And here I was cuddling you and petting you when you lost your tooth!” She folded her forehooves across her chest, letting out a dismissive nicker. “The last time I do that with you, Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight shrugged. “I could go on talking about how you sleeping alone in a hotel hungover will only remind you of your loneliness with your love life, and that when it’s all done you will most likely go home, sob more, and hide your inner problems with passive-aggressive outbursts like Rainbow. Or I could be with you, comforting you as we keep each other relatively sane through an excessive amount of repressed sex, and enjoy our intellectual company as we secretly laugh at nearly everypony who is dumber than us. Your choice, Rarity.”

Rarity looked down at the floor, scoffing at the carpet. “You… you can cuddle with me as much as you want,” she whispered.

Rainbow's gaze soon followed, her magenta eyes glancing at Applejack's. "I am... kinda aggressive aren't I? I'm just... misunderstood you know? I got a lot of trust issues, and-"

“Always look on the bright side of life, Rarity," Pinkie Pie rocked gently from side to side, whistling idly. "At least Twilight is slightly pudgy and soft. And you live, like, not even a block from each other! Like, you live literally across the street from each other. So you too can have clop time at night, and then go home, and nopony will have to smell you!”

“You see?” Twilight smiled, flicking her tail contently behind herself. “This is why I haven’t decided to enslave you all. I’d never think of something like that without you being you, Pinkie Pie.”

“Thanks, Twi’ Twi’,” Pinkie giggled. “If you ever decide to become an evil overlord, I’m here to make sure our foes don’t out think us. You think outside, inside, and in another dimension around the box, and I think inside the chimney.”

Applejack ruffled through Rainbow's mane. "I'll get ya an Evanescence album ta listen to later, sugercube, and you can vent it all out on me, alright?"

Rainbow Dash stroked her muzzle slowly, rubbing her forehoof between her eyes. “Do... I feel like how Twilight normally feels right now when stupid things happen? I’m pretty sure I do. This… is awful. I can see why she binge eats. And I'll take you up on that, AJ, but only if it's Nightwish.”

Applejack wagged her eyebrows at Rainbow, watching Rainbow wince in pain.

“N-n-o, AJ, I’m not hungry. Please,” she whimpered, her ears wilting by the side of her muzzle, “stop. We'll stick to me crying in your arms.”

“Now.” Twilight clopped her forehooves together loudly, exhaling gently through her muzzle. “Naproxen’s working, and my mouth is slightly numb, so I’m high on that in addition to everything else. Let’s start from the beginning. Rarity and I got knocked out. And then?”

“Dash ‘n I went to the buffet and bar and ate a bunch ‘n drank a bunch,” Applejack said.

“That sounds so freaking good right now,” Twilight groaned. “If Fluttershy was here, I’d be eating until I pass out. Rarity and I pretty much ate nothing and vomited out everything we drank this morn-night.”

Pinkie Pie tapped a forehoof loudly on the ground. “Cool story, Twilight, because picturing you and Rarity together puking into a toilet sounds terrific!”

The other four Elements of Harmony stared at Pinkie Pie.

"Did... did Pinkie Pie just use sarcasm?" Rarity asked. "Now I'm not exactly clear-headed at the moment, but I do believe she did."

Pinkie blew at her puffy bang idly. "Fart jokes? They're funny when done right. Pee jokes? Dashie has made me pee myself laughing all the time. Poop jokes? When really well done, but puke? Puke? I got some weird things in this noggin of mine, but picturing two of my friends vomiting is something I don't want in there. And now it's in there. So thanks. Thanks, girls. Thanks. I can't eat green ice cream ever again."

"So back to not gross things," Rainbow said, ignoring her subconscious leaning into Applejack, "Fluttershy and Discord had a few drinks, but not even close to what me and AJ had. They drank like a normal person would. Then they said they were going to go gambling."

"And Pinkie said they were with us at Polaris when... the two of you were occupied," Twilight chuckled.

"Absolutely completely totally positive they got smashed with us," Pinkie nodded. "Unless Discord made the best clone of Fluttershy ever. She acted and felt just like she did when she's drunk. She even punched a colt in the face for thinking we were part of Discord's herd and he wasn't open for swinging."

"Well that settles any doubt it wasn't Fluttershy," Applejack laughed, her friends chuckling with her. "That's her drunk."

"And so that leaves what happened with them gambling and after the drinking," Rarity hummed, stroking her chin. "Clearly somepony should have some ideas or memories?"

Rainbow Dash shrugged, leaning into Applejack more. She'd ignore that while Applejack's coat was too rough for her own good, her friend was a good wall to lean against without any hidden context in the gesture she'd done a hundred times before. She wasn't into her owner's physical body in the least.

"All I remember is that they said they were gonna play poker and slots," Rainbow said, "and what we planned on doing here if we decided to stay for several days. Ya know, sight seeing and shopping."

"Insert Rainbow Dash making some joke about how I am a walking cliche here," Rarity grumbled.

Rainbow glared at Rarity. "Hey, I like to shop for cool winter clothing, hair stuff, books, and vinyls. Besides, I like to study malls and how they were built, you know?"

She flickered the tips of her wings in excitement. "They can be gorgeous. I like to see how traffic flows through them, and where they messed up in the design. That part of dad sunk into me, so bite me. And I look good in sweatshirts."

Rarity blinked rapidly. "Your queer side comes out in the weirdest of ways, Dashie dear. And nice lisp on the gorgeous."

"We'll go shopping once we kill Discord, save Fluttershy, and get rid of our hangovers." Twilight paced around in a circle, the movement of blood in her body both a blessing and Tartarus for the vast majority of her muscles wanting to sleep.

Food also sounded incredible right now. Or both food and sleep. An IV injection of food while she was sedated and psychically ripping apart Discord's soul, implanting it in herself, and becoming a demigod that could begin her slow conquest of the universe with her friends sounded like the greatest idea to have ever went through her head.

She'd work on that plan. Very, very, soon.

Her pacing stopped. "So that leaves us with two big questions. The first: Did they win anything when gambling and drink because they did? Or they didn't win anything and they drank to forget?"

"They seemed pretty chipper to me," Pinkie said, her tail wiggling in thought. "Although that could be because he was laughing so hard at making us want to hate him. Fluttershy was happy because we weren't mad at her."

"And the second: If I was Discord, holding Fluttershy hostage either with a jackpot or broke and completely intoxicated, where would I be?"

"Custard's creamy colt clop I got it!"

Rarity, Rainbow, Pinkie, and Twilight turned toward Applejack.

"How do you come up with these sayings?" Rarity said.

Twilight whimpered, her stomach loudly growling. "Please don't mention food. Can we talk about that after we kill Discord? Don't make me tempted to feed on him."

Rainbow shrugged. "It wouldn't be a bad idea, Twi'. A cup of it has around four hundred calories, and it has lots of sugar too."

"How do you know this and why am I not surprised you know this, Rainbow!?" Rarity screamed, shaking Rainbow violently in her forehooves.

"Because I calorie count when I'm in season and I have too much time on my hooves," Rainbow gurgled. "Stop shaking me! I'm going to fart again!"

"Damn it, I'm tryin' to say somethin'," Applejack snarled, shoving herself between Rarity and Rainbow.

Pinkie Pie blinked rapidly. "Note to Pinkie: My friends get horrible ADHD when they are hungover and want food. Save this in case Twilight needs to use it for the future."

"Which is now," Twilight said, "and we'll go to a colt stable after all of this and I'll put it on Celestia's tab if you all let Applejack speak."

Silence.

Applejack closed her eyes in contentment. "Thanks, Twi'."

"You're welcome, Applejack." Twilight smiled.

Applejack stood beside Twilight, coughing as she composed herself. "As the mare most hungover, and trained by Fluttershy on animal thinkin', we haveta see Discord drunk and as a critter goin' on instinct. Now he loves ta buck things up, but he's bucked up, and since Twilight's gonad doohickey is on him, he has ta live with that. That means he's goin' on what he does best, but not thinkin' about it."

She trotted back and forth in a line as if she were a general, her posture stout as her confidence grew. "It don't matter if he's broke or rich after gamblin', 'cause there's only one place a colt as nutty as him is gonna go either to spend his money or sell somethin' to get somethin' pissed out of his panties. He's gonna go to a place where he can enjoy himself gettin' and lookin' at the weirdest things he can, and if there's one thing a drunk 'n brainwashed Fluttershy can do, it's get ponies ta sell things to her for really, really cheap."

"She does kind of beat you in flirting drunk, Rarity," Pinkie whispered.

"And that," Applejack said, snapping to attention as Rarity muttered vulgarities under her breath.

"Is a pawn shop."